God Must Have Spent A Little More Time on You
by swimmergal06
Summary: MerDer post season 5, exploration into married life of our favorite characters.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so...here's my new story! I first want to say how much I appreciate all the support from Can't Help Falling in Love. I'm so glad that you guys love my writing, and I really hope you'll enjoy this one as well. It's MerDer (of course) and starts off with an extended Post it wedding before going into post Season 5 finale. I hope you'll enjoy it. And, as always, if there's any suggestions as to what you'd like to see at any point in this story, please let me know and I'll do my best to work it in. Enjoy!**

Derek smiled against Meredith's lips after a moment, releasing one arm from around her waist to reach into his pocket.

"I have something for you," he whispered.

"You do?" Meredith asked, smiling softly as she reached up to gently stroke his cheek.

"I do," he said, placing a silver chain in her hands.

"What…" Meredith breathed as she held it up. "Your mom's ring?"

"I know you don't want to wear it," he said. "And that's fine, I'm not going to make you wear it on your finger. But…I'd really like for you to wear it around your neck. It means a lot to me."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she whispered, "What about you?"

Derek smiled softly as he reached into his pocket again, pulling out a white gold ring. "When my dad died," he whispered. "My mom made sure to give me his wedding ring. She said that he would have wanted me to have it, to wear it when I found a woman I felt the same way he felt about her."

"Oh," Meredith said, reaching out to take the simple silver ring. "So you…this was the ring you wore with Addison?"

Derek laughed softly as he took her hand. "With Addison I wore a fancy gold ring that matched hers," he sighed. "She didn't…this ring wasn't good enough for her."

"Oh," Meredith repeated. "Did you…I mean did you try to give her your mom's ring too?"

"No," Derek said, smiling slightly. "Mom never even told me that Dad wanted me to have it for the right girl until after she met you."

"Really?" Meredith asked.

"Apparently Addison was very clearly not the right girl for me," Derek said. "And you are."

"She said that?" Meredith breathed. She had been sure that Carolyn Shepherd had hated her.

"She did," Derek smiled. "I told you she liked you."

"Yeah, but….better than Addison?"

"Meredith," Derek said, laughing softly. "I'd rather not talk about my ex-wife at our wedding."

"Right," Meredith said, smiling softly as she looked down at the diamond in her hands.

"Don't feel pressured," Derek said softly. "But…I'm going to wear my dad's ring."

Meredith bit her lower lip. "Are you…am I supposed to put it on your finger or something?" she asked.

"You can," Derek laughed. "Do you want to?"

Meredith reached for his left hand, silently taking the ring out of his fingers and slipping it onto his ring finger. She smiled as she ran her thumb gently over the ring before reaching for the chain with his mother's ring on it, biting her lower lip as she thought carefully.

"Mer?" Derek prompted, tilting his head to the side as he looked at her closely.

She sighed as she shook her head slightly. "When did you get so good at reading me?" she asked.

"About the time you let me," Derek said, reaching out to tilt her chin up to meet his eyes. "What's going on in that head of yours?"

"I…I know I said I didn't want to wear it," Meredith said as she unhooked the chain, sliding the ring off. "But I think I'm changing my mind."

"Oh," Derek said, smiling widely. "You want to wear the ring?"

"It's okay, right?" she asked.

"Oh, Meredith," Derek breathed, taking the ring from her hands and slipping it onto her left ring finger. "It's more than okay."

"It fits," she said, lifting her hand to examine it closely.

"Perfectly," Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to the back of her hand.

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him, resting her forehead against his. "Is it wrong to say that you should hurry through John Doe's surgery?" she asked, her hand stroking the smooth skin of his cheek.

"Definitely not," Derek smiled. "We need to consummate."

"Good," Meredith giggled. "Now go get changed so we can go home sooner."

"Well, you've got the bossy wife thing down," Derek laughed as he kissed her again then moved towards the door.

"Derek?" Meredith asked, causing him to stop in the doorway. "This Post it thing…it's perfect. But when Izzie's better, or when we have time, we can do it for real, right? Be legally married instead of just in our hearts or whatever?"

Derek smiled as he offered her the McDreamy look he knew she couldn't resist. "Definitely," he nodded. "I promise, Mer."

Meredith smiled as she turned back to her locker, unable to stop the incredible wave of happiness that washed over her at the sight of the blue Post it note hanging from the back of her locker.

_Love me, even when you hate me._

_No running._

_Forever._

She reached out to smooth it onto the surface of her locker again, her ring catching the light of the locker room, causing her to smile even further. It may not be legal, but they were married. She was Derek Shepherd's wife, and she didn't think that anything could bring her down from her high.

It would be only minutes before she realized how wrong she was.

XXXXX

An hour later, Meredith sat on the floor in the corner of the scrub room, her arms wrapped tightly around her legs that were crushed against her chest. She couldn't believe that it had been only an hour before that Derek had scrawled their vows on a Post it and slid his mother's ring onto her finger.

And now George was dead.

"Meredith," the sound of her husband's voice infiltrated the internal ramblings in her head, and she turned to look at him with wide, vacant eyes.

"We should go home," he murmured.

"No," she shook her head.

"Okay," Derek said. "Christina and your friends…you can't stay here."

"No," Meredith breathed. "Izzie's memory is gone. We'd have to tell her every ten seconds that George…" her voice trailed off, unable to say the words.

"Mer," Derek breathed, and suddenly she couldn't help herself any longer. Her lips were on his, her hands desperately clawing at his scrub pants as she pressed her body against his.

"Derek…" she gasped.

"Mer," Derek said, placing his hands on her hips as he pulled back, his eyes searching hers frantically. "We can't…"

"We can," she said, tears filling her eyes as she looked at him with wide eyes. "Please, Derek, I just need…I need to escape."

"I get it," Derek nodded, feeling the same urge he'd felt his first night in Seattle. Mark and Addison hadn't died, but he was still mourning his relationship with both of them. He'd needed to escape, and now it was his turn to repay the beautiful woman he'd approached that night, who had given him such sweet escape from his grief. "But Mer… we can't do this. You need to see your friends, check on Izzie."

"I just want my husband," Meredith whispered, and he felt his heart tearing between soaring as she referred to him as her husband and breaking for her obvious heartbreak.

"We can escape," he nodded, reaching out to pull her close. "But we can't here. Do you want to go home?"

"Can we be newlyweds at home?" Meredith whispered, looking down at the ring on her finger. "Can we just be newlyweds and happy and worry about all this horrible stuff tomorrow?"

"We can," Derek nodded. "If that's what you want."

"It is," she nodded, tears filling her eyes as she reached for his hand. "I just want to be happy with my husband."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "Let's go to the locker room and get your things and then we can go home, okay?"

"Okay," she breathed, inhaling deeply before she took his outstretched hands and allowed him to pull her to her feet and into his arms. "I love you," she whispered. She had to say it. Because on the way home he could push her out of the way to take a bus for her, and he had to know that she loved him.

"I love you too," he whispered into her hair, obviously needing to say it as much as she did.

"We can…home," Meredith said softly.

"Home," Derek nodded, allowing her to lean on him as they walked into the hallway.

She didn't usually like to advertise their relationship. Although the entire hospital knew their entire roller coaster of a love story, there was something wrong with a second year resident showing PDA with the head of neuro. But now she didn't care. Now he was her husband, and she needed him, because her friend had died and she wasn't sure she could stand without his strong frame supporting her.

They entered the residents' locker room and she sighed as she looked at George's empty locker. He'd already cleaned it out, anticipating on bringing the pictures and other various items in the small space to the Army. He'd been going to Iraq, and now he was dead before he could even get there. Talk about irony.

The door swung open and Christina stood there, staring at the two of them for a moment before she collapsed onto the bench. "You heard?" she asked, staring at the lockers in front of her.

Owen must have told her. "Yeah," she said, stepping away from Derek as she sat down beside her best friend on the bench. Derek stepped back, understanding that the two women needed some time alone.

"I can't believe it," Christina breathed. "One moment you're alive and breathing and then you're just…"

"Gone," Meredith finished.

"I guess the funeral's going to be next week."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, shaking her head slightly. "I…I hadn't thought of that."

"I guess Alex talked to her mom…"

"Alex?" Meredith frowned, and Derek stepped forward, obviously taking a new interest in the conversation. "Why is Alex planning George's funeral?"

"George?" Christina frowned. "Why would George be…George's funeral?"

Meredith blinked back tears as she reached for Derek. They had each been talking about another member of their team, but two different ones. "John Doe," she whispered. "Is… was George."

"Oh," Christina said, turning to look at her hands. "I…George is dead."

"And so is Izzie," Meredith stated, her hand clutching Derek's tightly.

"I don't even know," Christina shook her head. "She was DNR, but the Chief said to ignore it, but it didn't matter."

"She's dead," she whispered. "And so is George."

"How can this happen?" Christina asked, turning to look at her.

"I don't know," Meredith breathed, looking up as the door burst open again and Owen stepped in, his eyes hard.

"Owen," Christina said, standing and moving towards him, the two of them whispering quietly as Meredith turned to Derek.

"Oh, Mer, I'm so sorry," he whispered, pushing her hair behind her hair. "Do you still want to go home?"

"No," she shook her head. "Izzie and George…It was the three of us that lived there."

"Hmm," Derek nodded slightly. "Do you want to go to the trailer?"

"Yes," she said, nodding eagerly as tears spilled down her face. "Yes."

"Okay," Derek nodded, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. "Do you need help changing?"

"No," she shook her head, reaching into her breast pocket and slipping her ring onto her finger. "Your ring?" she whispered.

"Right here," Derek said, sliding his own ring onto his hand.

"Thank you," she said, taking a deep breath before turning to her locker, her hands shaking as she changed out of her scrubs. The scrubs that were still covered in George's blood, that she had been wearing as she had watched him die.

XXXXX

"Do you need anything?" Derek asked as they stepped into the cold trailer an hour later. "I just turned the heat on, so it should be warm soon."

"It's fine," Meredith whispered, cuddling into him. "You said we could be newlyweds."

"We can," he nodded carefully. "But Mer…if you're too tired, it's okay."

"No," she shook her head, pulling her sweater over her head and snapping her bra off, quickly kicking off her shoes before she slid her jeans and panties down her hips. "I need you to make love to me," she whispered.

"I can do that," Derek nodded, pulling his own sweater over his head as he stepped towards her. "Mer," he whispered, taking her face in his hands. "I know that you need to escape. But if you change your mind, just tell me. I won't be mad."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, kissing him passionately as he gently walked her back to the bed, his mouth never leaving hers. When her knees hit the back of the mattress, she collapsed onto the soft surface and sat up quickly, reaching for his belt buckle. When she had succeeded in discarding his pants and boxers, she gently pulled him on top of her, scooting up on the bed so her head rested on the pillows. "Make love to me," she whispered.

"Of course," Derek breathed, kissing her softly before moving to reach into the bedside drawer.

"No," Meredith shook her head.

"No?" Derek replied. "Mer…condom."

"I don't want one," she whispered. "I just want you and me, nothing in between. Please, Derek."

"Okay," he nodded, letting his erection brush against her. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nodded, wrapping a leg around his waist and causing him to gently enter her. "Oh…"

"Meredith," he breathed as he sank into her, his body pressing hers into the mattress.

"Deeper," she whispered, spreading her legs further and tilting her hips up. "Deeper, please."

"Deeper," Derek nodded, his breath already coming out in short pants as he slid deeper into her, her walls spreading to accommodate him. "Oh, Mer…"

When she was sure he couldn't go any further, Meredith clenched her muscles, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist and holding him in place as she cupped his face in her hands. "I love you," she whispered. "I know…I know I don't tell you enough, but I really do. I love you so much, and I don't think I've ever not loved you."

"Oh, Mer," he sighed, burying his face in her neck, inhaling the lavender that engulfed her hair. "I love you too. More than you know."

"Good," she whispered, running her hand along his back and he smiled as he felt the cool metal of her wedding ring against his hot skin. "Are you starting to hurt yet?" she murmured a few moments later.

"A little," he admitted.

"You can…" Meredith sighed, loosening her legs from around him and leaning up to kiss his neck. "Please, Derek."

Silently, Derek hoisted himself up and pulled out of her, slowly moving back in as he began to make love to her at a torturously slow pace. They were completely silent, save for their deep panting and the occasional smack of their lips, but they were quiet. Slow and quiet was not what they were used to, but this time it was different. They were married. They were married, and they were escaping from the horrible events that had happened.

"Meredith," Derek muttered as he laced their fingers together. "I love you."

"I love you too," she replied, rocking her hips up to meet his.

"So much," Derek replied, his body starting to tremble as she felt her walls tighten around him.

"Derek," she moaned, wrapping an arm around his neck as he buried his face in her neck, gently nibbling at the skin there. "Yes…"

"Mer," he breathed as her powerful orgasm pushed him over the edge, spilling into her before he collapsed on top of her, both of them breathing hard as she wrapped her arms around him, keeping his now flaccid penis still nestled deeply inside of her.

"I love you," she whispered again, unsure of how many times she had said that that day.

"I love you too," he replied automatically.

"And I'm happy," she whispered, running a hand through his hair. "I mean, I'm not happy happy, because…well, you know. But with you, I'm happy we got married."

"Oh," Derek said, kissing her shoulder gently. "Me too."

"Can we add another vow?" Meredith whispered.

"Always," Derek nodded, looking up at her expectantly.

"It's kind of apart of the love me when you hate me one," she whispered. "But can we say it everyday? Because I don't want to get hit by a bus or have a tumor take over my memory thinking that you don't love me."

Derek nodded as he pressed his lips against hers. "Every day," he murmured. "I promise. Mrs. Shepherd."


	2. Chapter 2

"Derek?" he heard her whisper into the darkness of the trailer hours later as she trailed her fingernails over the arm that was wrapped tightly around her waist, her back pressed against his chest.

"Hmm?" he asked, pulling her closer as if his embrace could protect her from the horrible day she knew she would experience tomorrow.

"Am I a horrible friend?"

"What?" Derek frowned, turning her so he could look at her face as clearly as possible in the pale moonlight streaming in from the skylight on the trailer. "Mer, why would you even think that?"

"Because," she breathed, inhaling deeply. "I ran. From everyone. The hospital, my friends…"

"What?" he asked, reaching out to run a comforting hand along her stomach.

"I ran," she repeated. "George and Izzie died and I just ran. Should I have been there? Should I have stayed at the hospital? Does it make me a terrible friend that I ran?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "They're dead, Mer. I know it hurts, believe me I know how incredibly painful it is when someone you love dies. But you need to do whatever you need to feel better."

"You used to hate when I ran," she whispered. "With Susan, and Rose…you hated it."

"That was different," Derek sighed. They had spent hours figuring out all their issues months ago when Meredith had built him the amazing house of candles. She had explained her need to run, and he had promised to do everything in his power not to let her.

"How?" Meredith demanded. "I don't want to be there, Derek. So I ran. It's the same."

"You're not running," Derek sighed. "You're hiding."

"There's a difference?" she asked.

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling her into his arms again, cuddling her close and nestling one of his legs between hers, smiling when her foot moved lazily up and down his calf. "Running is…it's ignoring the problem, pretending you're fine. Which you used to be a master at. But hiding…it's escaping for a little while before you face the real world."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "So it's okay that I want to hide?"

"Definitely," Derek said. "And you're hiding with me."

"Hmm," Meredith smiled softly, and he could tell there was something turning over in her head.

"Mer?" he prompted, running a hand up and down her back.

"When your dad died," she whispered, tightening her arms around his waist. "Did you hide?"

"Oh," Derek inhaled sharply, not having expected her question. His father had been his mind all day, recalling the most horrible week of his life as he watched his new wife mourn the loss of two of her closest friends, of her family members really. "I was only ten."

"So you ran?" she whispered.

"I'm not sure," he said honestly. "I was so young, Mer, and the only thing I could feel was the fact that I was ten and I had to take care of my mom, my teenage sisters, and my baby sister. Caitlin was literally a baby."

"Did you feel numb?" Meredith whispered, and suddenly it hit him. No one she'd really cared about had died before. When Ellis had died the year before it had been more a relief than anything else, and she had really already lost her mother to the horrible disease of Alzheimer's. And they hadn't even been that close to deal with. So here she was, his thirty three year old wife, laying in his arms and asking him how to grieve for her friends.

"Yeah," he sighed. "I…I remember when the police came to the door. It was late to me, but it was probably only ten or eleven. The doorbell woke us up, and Liz and I sat on the top of the stairs while Mom answered the door. The scream she let out when they told her…it still haunts me."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, unable to think of anything else to say.

"It was a long time ago," he sighed, leaning into her.

"But it still hurts," Meredith observed.

"It does," Derek sighed.

"So how do you move on?" she whispered. "How can I…how do I go home? Or back to the hospital? How do I live my life as a normal, happy person when two of my best friends are dead?"

"I can't exactly tell you," Derek sighed. "It's…an individual process. You lean on the people who love you, and try to live every day of your life honoring the people you miss."

"Is that what you do?" she whispered. "Live your life to honor your dad?"

"I hope so," Derek replied. "I don't…it was almost thirty years ago, Mer. And I hate it, but he's starting to disappear."

"Disappear?" she whispered, moving to run her fingers through his hair.

"I was only ten," he sighed. "And I have a few very clear memories of him, but honestly…what do you remember from before you were ten? I mean really remember?"

"Not much," she sighed.

"I think he would have loved you," Derek whispered.

"Really?" Meredith asked, pushing her own grief aside to listen to her husband. She may have been trying to figure out how to mourn the loss of her friends, but she had brought up his memories of his father and she suddenly wanted to hear about him, about the man who had shaped Derek into the man she loved.

"You're a lot like my mom," Derek sighed. "And I know that sounds weird and creepy, but…you're both strong, amazing women. And bossy as hell."

Meredith giggled slightly. "You said you love the bossy," she said.

"I do love the bossy," he nodded. "But now that you're a Shepherd woman, it's about to become downright terrifying."

Meredith was quiet for a moment before she asked, "Do you want me to change me name?"

Derek blinked in surprise, obviously not having expected this particular conversation to come up. But if that's what it took to distract her from the grief she was about to face, he would do it. "I honestly never thought about it," he said gently. "I always just assumed that you'd stay with Grey."

"I thought so too," she whispered. "I mean, I'm establishing myself as Dr. Grey…" She trailed off as she stared down at his chest, not sure if she wanted to meet his eyes.

"Meredith," he said softly, tilting her chin up to look her in the eyes. "I love you. Not your name. But if you really want my opinion…I can't imagine how amazing it would be for you to take my name. For you to be Meredith Shepherd, for us to be the Shepherds, I think it would be amazing. But I don't want to pressure you."

"I just don't want to be a Grey anymore," she whispered. "Greys are dark and twisty. Well, except for Lexie, but I'm still not convinced that she's completely sane because she's dating Mark."

"This is why I love you," Derek said, offering her a smile. "And dark and twisty isn't bad. I've told you that before."

"I know," she smiled softly. "I don't have to decide right now, do I?"

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head, kissing the top of her head.

Meredith sighed as she snuggled deeper into his embrace. "I was so mad at Izzie," she whispered.

"Hmm?" Derek asked.

"When she was planning our wedding," Meredith whispered. "Or…her wedding or whatever. I was so mad at her and I just wished that she would stop telling me what to do."

"Me too," Derek said, tightening his arms around her. "It's okay, Mer. That doesn't mean that you wanted her to die, or that you're a bad friend. It's okay that you were annoyed by her."

"And George…" she whispered. "He was going to join the Army."

"I really think that he would have done an amazing job," Derek whispered. "He was a good man."

"He didn't have anyone," she whispered. "We were all…a year ago, it was the five against the world, but then we all had someone. You, Owen, Alex, Dr. Robins…even Lexie found Mark. He died alone."

"He knew you were there," Derek said, squeezing her tightly. "You know he once threatened me?"

"What?" Meredith asked softly.

"A long time ago," he nodded. "Before…Addison. When he and Izzie first found out, he told me that you're really special and I shouldn't use you."

"Oh," Meredith whispered, feeling unexpected tears prick her eyes.

"I just wished I had listened," Derek sighed, the regret of choosing Addison over Meredith still weighing heavily in his heart.

"He was in love with me," she whispered. "For the first few months that I knew him, he was in love with me." She felt Derek tense beside her, obviously not comfortable with the notion that any other men have feelings for her, no matter how long ago it was, or whether they were actually together at that point. "And then I hurt him," she continued. "When I slept with him, I hurt him."

"Mer," Derek sighed, trying to keep his emotions in check and picture anything besides Meredith and George in bed together. "That was a long time ago. He got over that, and the two of you had a special bond."

Meredith sighed as she pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's our wedding night, or our sort of wedding night and I can't stop thinking about George and Izzie."

"Oh Mer," he sighed. "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I just hope that I can help you through this in any way I can."

"You're doing an amazing job," she sighed as she rolled him onto his back. "And well… it's okay to hide for a little longer, right?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded. "But tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow I'll go back," she whispered. "Right now I need you. I need you to help me realize that it's okay to be sad but happy. And I need you to know how much I love you."

Derek smiled as he reached up to push her hair out of her face. "I do know," he whispered. "And I'm here. Anything you need, I'm here."

"Let me show you," she said, slowly moving her hips over his. "Let me show you how much I love you."

"Of course," Derek nodded, letting his hands fall to her hips. "I love you too."

"I love you," Meredith whispered, slowly lowering herself onto him, keeping her eyes locked on his as she linked their hands together. "I love you."

Derek swallowed hard, his heart breaking at her desperation as she moved over him. "I love you too."

Meredith began moving faster over him, her hips rocking frantically against his as she leaned down to kiss him passionately. "I love you."

"I love you too," he repeated, willing to say it however many times she needed to hear it. "Mer…"

"Derek," she gasped as she ran her hands down his chest, her fingernails leaving red marks as she clawed frantically at him. "I love you."

"Oh yes," he moaned, his thighs tightening as he rocked his hips against hers, creating deeper penetration as Meredith worked breathlessly above him.

"Oh god," she moaned, throwing her head back as she clutched onto his shoulders, moving even faster over him, her thighs tightening at his hips.

"Oh," Derek gasped, her rough movements sending him closer to the edge. Meredith had always been good at the sex, but this was different. This was her really taking control, having him at her mercy, making love to him with a passion and a desperation he'd never seen before.

"No," Meredith shook her head, reaching between them to squeeze his balls tightly, preventing him from sweet release. "I need…Derek."

"It's okay," he panted. "Mer, it's okay. Just…do whatever you need to."

She began bouncing over him again, her movements desperate and frantic as if the faster she moved the easier it would be for him to realize how much she loved him. "Derek," she gasped, her body starting to tremble. "Oh…Derek, I love you."

Derek closed his eyes tightly as he gripped her hips, his thighs tightening. "Meredith," he groaned as her walls clenched around his throbbing erection. "Please, Mer…"

Without warning, Meredith released him and continued rocking against him, her soft cries of pleasure echoing through the trailer as he immediately emptied into her. "Oh yes," he moaned, wrapping his arms around her waist as she settled against his chest, her eyes wide and vacant.

"I love you," she whispered again, desperate tears filling her eyes.

"I love you too," Derek sighed, his thumb moving to wipe her tears away. "Are you okay?"

"I'm…" she shook her head slightly, knowing that Derek wouldn't fall for the I'm fine routine. "I don't know."

Derek sighed as he tightened his arms around her. "Do you want to talk?" he asked softly. "Or keep hiding?"

"I just…it's all so uncertain," she whispered. "We just promised each other forever and got married, and you said we have plenty of time. But what if we don't?"

"What do you mean?" Derek asked softly.

"George got hit by a bus, Derek," she said. "A bus. I mean, who…who actually gets hit by a bus?"

"I'm trying to follow you here," Derek said softly. "But you're losing me."

"My point is that Izzie…Izzie's dead too. But she had stage four melanoma, and I'd kind of prepared myself for the worst," Meredith whispered. "But George was fine. Two days ago he walked Izzie down the aisle. And then he joined the Army, and before he can even fight, he just pushes a stranger out of the way so he can take a bus for her. And he thought he had time. Time to be in the army, to come back and fall in love or whatever. But he didn't. So what happens if we don't either? You said we had time, but what if we don't?"

"Mer," Derek breathed. "I know you're grieving. And confused. I'm going to do anything I can to help you through this, starting by telling you this. You can't live your life in fear like that. I agree that it's important to live every moment to the fullest, and that's how we'll live our life together. But you can't be thinking that there's no time. You have to be able to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day, not wonder if today's the day you're going to die."

"I almost died twice," Meredith whispered.

Derek tensed, remembering the pain of those two horrible days. The bomb, the ferryboat crash…when he had been sure that he had lost Meredith and would never be able to survive alone in the world. "But you didn't."

"I just…why didn't I?" she whispered.

"I don't know," he breathed. "I guess you're not finished here yet."

"I'm glad," she whispered, tightening his arms around her. "I'm glad I'm not finished here. With you."

"Me too."

"I just can't understand why I could almost die twice and not be done," she whispered. "But George and Izzie are? What could I possibly have that they didn't?"

"Mer…" he sighed, wishing he could offer her an answer. "The questions you're asking, there's no easy answer. I wish I could give you one, but I can't."

"I know," she sighed as she pulled back from him. "I'm not really looking for answers I'm just rambling. I need to get everything in my head out."

"Well, feel free to keep rambling," Derek smiled sadly, wrapping a finger around a strand of light brown hair. "I love listening to you ramble."

"I just think it's weird that I've almost died twice in the past two years, and that I survived and they didn't."

"I don't know either," Derek sighed, wrapping his arms around her. "All I know is that I'm glad you're here."

"Me too," she sighed. "I don't want to wait any more, Derek."

"Wait for what?" Derek asked.

"The house, our life," she sighed. "I feel like…I love you, Derek. And I love that we have a future. But I feel like these past couple months, since we got back together, it's been on pause, waiting for life to actually start. It's been amazing, with the talking and the trusting and the not running. It has. But I want to start. We should build our house."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "As soon as all of this is over, I'll call the best architect in Seattle and we can draw up plans."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"You're welcome," Derek laughed slightly.

"What?" Meredith frowned.

"We should have taken a picture of the candle print," he said. "Given them something to work with."

"Don't mock the house of candles," she gasped. "It worked. And you apparently hated it."

"I didn't hate it," he shook his head. "Mer, that…it was the most amazing thing anyone's ever done for me."

"So you've said," she sighed.

"It was," Derek smiled. "It's the moment I realized that we really were in this forever."

"And now it's official," Meredith whispered, reaching for his left hand and looking at his ring. "We're married."

"Married," Derek smiled as he looked at his ring.

"Tell me about your parents," she whispered, snuggling into his arms. "I think…I think I want us to be like them. Completely in love, no matter what happens. We are the second generation Shepherds, after all."


	3. Chapter 3

Derek was exhausted.

As he stood beside his wife outside the hospital, her hand gripping his tightly, he knew that he was going to have a long week. He hadn't been nearly as close to the deceased as Meredith had been, he had been extremely fond of George, and even though Izzie's perkiness had gotten on his nerves after extended amounts of time, she had been a good person. He was incredibly sad for what he was about to face, and he knew that Meredith was going to need him. So he was exhausted, not only in anticipation of the exhausting week ahead of him, but also from the night before. He had been more than happy to stay up all night with Meredith to comfort her and assure her that they could be happy. And Meredith had also apparently been using sex as a way to hide from reality. He'd nearly lost count of the number of times she'd wrapped her legs around his waist and begged him to make love to her, to help her forget.

"Okay," she said, taking a deep breath, squeezing his hand tighter in her own. "I'm ready. I think."

"Okay," Derek said, reassuring her hand squeeze and gently leading her through the doors he had walked thousands of times before.

They entered the lobby, and Derek was astounded at how…normal everything looked. Families were gathered in the chairs, flipping through magazines as they waited for news of their loved ones. The coffee cart was up and running, a line of tired doctors and nurses patiently waiting their turn to order a cup of energy. The hustle and bustle of the hospital was completely normal, just as it had been every other day, as if nothing had happened.

He knew it wasn't unordinary. People died in this hospital every day. Several people died here every day. But as Meredith inhaled deeply and shifted to wrap her arms around his waist, he knew that she was thinking the same thing.

It wasn't every day that two of your best friends died in the place you worked.

"I can't…" she started to whisper, but was interrupted by the sound of someone calling her name.

"Meredith!" Lexie cried as she walked towards them, Mark trailing behind her.

"Lexie," Meredith whispered.

Lexie stopped in front of them for a moment before the two sisters reached for each other to hug, probably for the first time. "Mer, I'm so sorry," Lexie whispered, and Derek stepped back, allowing the Grey sisters as much privacy as they could receive.

"Hey, Derek," Mark sighed, and Derek turned to look at the man he had considered a brother for as long as he could remember.

"Hey," Derek sighed as he leaned against the wall.

"How's big Grey holding up?"

"She's…okay," Derek sighed. "I took her to the trailer, she hasn't really dealt with anything yet."

"Lex was pretty upset," Mark nodded. "We were in this huge fight, but then she came to me, and…it all seemed so stupid now."

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "I wish I knew what I could do to help her."

"Me too," Mark sighed. "Lexie…she wasn't even really friends with them. Unless you count that whole weird thing with O'Malley. But Big Grey…she's got to be taking it hard."

"She doesn't know what to do," Derek shook his head.

Mark paused for a moment before he stated, "I heard a rumor that the two of you finally tied the knot."

Derek found himself unable to stop the smile that spread across his face at the thought of the stolen perfect moment that had been his wedding. "We did," he nodded. "It's kind of been overshadowed, but…we're happy about that."

Mark nodded as he looked at the Grey girls, still engaged in a quiet conversation a few feet away. "Lexie said she'd move in with me," he murmured.

Normally Derek would have taken that opportunity to mock his best friend, remind him that his girlfriend couldn't move in with him if he didn't have a house. But today, he didn't have the energy. And it didn't seem appropriate.

"That's great, Mark," he said.

"I just hope she didn't agree to it because she's afraid," Mark said, his eyes trained on Lexie. "She's young. Hasn't really had to deal with this."

"Susan died last year," Derek reminded him gently. "Trust me, she knows how to deal with this."

Before Mark could respond, Meredith turned back to him. "Derek," she said. "We should…Alex is refusing to leave Izzie's room. We need to help him."

Derek sighed, wondering how exactly he was supposed to convince a newly married man to move on from his wife. Alex's question from the day before flashed through his mind, and a sudden stab of pain moved through his body.

_What if it was Meredith?_

He reached out to grip her hand tightly, as if trying to convince himself that it hadn't been Meredith, that his wife was still alive and breathing in his arms. If it had been Meredith…he would probably have downed a couple bottles of scotch by this point.

He shuddered at the thought of life without Meredith.

"Derek," she whispered, tugging on his hand. "Are you okay?"

"As okay as I can be," he said, turning to look at Mark and Lexie. "We'll um…we'll see you two later."

"Call me if you need anything, Mer," Lexie said as she leaned into Mark's strong arms.

"Thanks," Meredith said as she led Derek towards the elevators.

He pushed the button and leaned against the wall, waiting for the doors to slide open. As he looked at Meredith, however, her wide, terrified eyes told him something was wrong. "What is it?" he asked.

"We got engaged in this elevator," she whispered.

"We did," Derek said with a small smile. "Best moment of my life. Until our wedding."

"Can we take the stairs?" Meredith asked. "I don't…we love elevators. And I can't be there, thinking about engagements and amazing elevator sex, and…I just can't."

"Okay," he said, moving her towards the stairs. "Let's go."

They moved silently up the stairs, ignoring the stares of various nurses and doctors. The sudden appearance of the rings on their fingers obviously hadn't gone unnoticed, and that combined with the deaths of two their closest friends put them in the spotlight for the Seattle Grace Gossip show.

As they moved closer to what had been Izzie's room, Meredith head her best friend's voice, demanding and stubborn as usual.

"It doesn't matter, he can't stay in that room forever."

"He needs time to grieve," Owen's voice replied, calmer but just as stubborn.

"I'm not saying he can't grieve," Christina argued. "But he's not even grieving. He's stuck in time."

"Christina," Owen's voice dropped in volume, and Meredith could only hear soft murmurs that could not be translated into actual words.

As soon as Christina looked over to see Meredith and Derek, she turned from Owen and moved towards them. "Mer," she said. "We have to do something. It's…well, it's you me and Alex now."

Meredith nodded mutely, turning to Derek.

"Go ahead," he whispered, releasing her hand. "I'll wait here."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she surprised him by standing on her tip toes to wrap her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face in his neck. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he whispered, squeezing her back tightly.

Meredith pulled back, following Christina into the room that Alex had blockaded himself in. He nodded to Owen, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched Meredith sit down beside the bed, gently pulling the covers back over Alex and say something to him. Christina settled herself beside Meredith, uncharacteristically reaching out to take Alex's hand.

"Meredith looks like she's holding up well," Owen observed.

"As well as can be expected," Derek sighed. "Christina's…being nice."

"She's growing," Owen nodded. "She's not exactly good with emotions, I'm not sure how she's going to handle this."

"She looks like she's doing okay," Derek nodded.

"Derek," Meredith's soft voice called him out from the doorway, and he turned to look at her.

"Yeah?" he asked, stepping forward to take her hand.

"Alex…he needs to shower, get out of these clothes," she said softly. "Do you have a change of clothes in your office?"

"Yes," Derek said. "I'll go get them. Do you want to come?"

Meredith bit her lower lip as she glanced back into the room, obviously torn between helping Alex and staying with her husband.

"Go with him," Owen nodded, stepping towards the door. "I'll stay with them."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed as she laced her fingers through Derek, resting her head on his shoulder. They walked in silence for a moment before she whispered, "He doesn't want to leave her bed because it smells like her."

Derek squeezed her hand, unable to think of anything to say to comfort her.

"I don't know what to do, Derek," she whispered, tears filling her eyes. "I don't know how to handle it."

"I know," he sighed, stopping to wrap an arm around her.

"I'm supposed to convince him to leave her room," she whispered. "To go where? Back to our house, where Izzie's stuff is still everywhere? I can't even do that, so how am I supposed to make him do it?"

"You can't," Derek shook his head. "You got him out of bed. He has to do the rest."

"I got him out of bed," she nodded. "Just like I got Izzie off the bathroom floor."

"Hmm?" Derek frowned, obviously not getting her metaphor.

"After prom," Meredith whispered, her face automatically heating at the thought of that night. "Izzie refused to get off the bathroom floor all day, she was so upset over Denny."

"Oh," Derek nodded. They hadn't been together at that point, and she'd never really thought to tell him when they had finally figured things out.

"So I just leave him alone?" Meredith asked.

"You help with what you can," Derek nodded. "But there's a lot of this that he has to himself."

"Meredith," a voice said from behind them. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith breathed as she turned to look at her chief resident. "How are you?"

"About the same as the rest of you," Bailey sighed. "Mrs. O'Malley is here, she has some questions."

"Oh," Derek said, his hand tightening around Meredith's. He had been in charge of George's surgery, he would be the attending for the family to talk to if there were questions. "Mer, I have to…"

"Not for you," Bailey said. "For Meredith."

"Me?" Meredith asked. "But I didn't…I was there, but I held his hand. I didn't cut, I wasn't even really aware of what was going on in the OR."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear you say that," Bailey said. "She's downstairs in a conference room."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "But I told Alex I'd help him."

"I'll take care of Alex," Derek said, kissing the top of Meredith's head. "Go talk to Mrs. O'Malley."

Meredith nodded, squeezing his hand one more time before she followed Bailey towards the stairs.

Derek leaned against the wall for a moment, taking a deep breath to gain strength for the rest of the day. He wasn't sure how to do this but he had to figure it out. For Meredith, he had to figure it out.

XXXXX

"Derek?" Meredith's voice said softly as she poked her head into his office an hour later.

"Hey," he sighed. "How are you?"

"I talked to George's mom," she said as she came into the room, not hesitating to plop herself into his lap and wrap her arms around his neck. "She's so upset."

"Understandably so," Derek nodded.

"How's Alex?" Meredith whispered.

"Christina and Owen took him home," he sighed. "Apparently that's what he wanted."

"Oh," Meredith said, reaching out to fist his shirt in her hands. "That's good."

"It is," he nodded.

"I saw Lexie," Meredith whispered. "She said that I need family right now."

"You need whatever you need," Derek sighed. "Don't let her tell you what you need."

"I'm not," Meredith shook her head. "She's my sister, Derek."

"I know."

"So we should do something," Meredith said. "I'm her big sister, aren't I supposed to comfort her or something?"

"You're supposed to comfort each other," Derek nodded. "That's what sisters are there for."

As if on cue, the door pushed open again and Mark entered, Lexie clutching his hand tightly. "We thought you two might want some company," Mark said.

"We can leave if you want," Lexie whispered. "But…we're family. Right?"

Derek looked to Meredith, waiting for her to decide. "Yeah," she said, not moving off of Derek's lap. "We're family."

"A very weird family," Mark said, attempting a joke as he collapsed onto the couch opposite the door, Lexie following suit.

"No one ever thought we would end up with sisters," Derek said as he ran a hand over Meredith's hair.

"I'd be surprised if people actually expected Mark to end up with anyone," Meredith giggled slightly.

"Hey," Mark frowned. "You better be nice to me. I'm the godfather of your future children."

"Says who?"

"Derek."

"Derek didn't consult me about this," Meredith teased, turning to raise her eyebrows at him.

"We made a pact in high school," Derek shrugged. "Way before I knew you."

"Still," Meredith shrugged. "Aren't you supposed to consult the mother of your children before you make these kinds of decisions?"

Derek felt his heart swell as she referred to herself as the mother of his children. "Well, it's a moot point," he shrugged.

"Why?" Meredith asked.

"Considering the fact that we don't have children…we don't need to worry about this right now," Derek nodded.

"You just don't want to admit you're wrong," Meredith giggled.

"I'm not sure why I put up with you," Derek sighed.

"You love me," Meredith reminded him.

"Right," Derek nodded.

"The day after the wedding and you already need a reminder," Mark smirked. "Way to go, Shep."

"I don't need a reminder," Derek shook his head, smiling up at Meredith. "I just like getting them."

"That's so cute," Lexie said as she reached for Mark's hand.

"Don't get any ideas," Mark rolled his eyes. "I'm a man. Unlike Shep here."

"I'm more of a man than you are," Derek nodded firmly.

"Says who?"

"Me."

"Doesn't count."

"And Mer."

Meredith smiled as she leaned into him. "He's right," she nodded. "He's definitely all man."

"Things I don't need to know," Mark winced.

Derek sighed as he leaned his chin against her shoulder a hand running over her back. They were hiding again. Shut in his office with his best friend and her sister, they were definitely hiding from the world again. There was a definite sadness in the air. Lexie's eyes were still wide with disbelief, Mark's usually cocky personality was deflated, and his wife's newly happy personality was overshadowed by a cloud of sadness. They were all grieving, but it was okay that they were hiding for a little while.

"We should…do something," Lexie said suddenly. "I know it's a really bad day and completely inappropriate, but we should go to Joe's or dinner. Honor them."

"We can do that," Mark nodded, turning to look at the couple behind the desk. "What do you think? You two in?"

Derek smiled as he looked at Meredith for a moment before nodding. "Yeah," he said. "We're in.


	4. Chapter 4

It was warm. Warm and sunny.

Meredith couldn't remember the last time it had been warm and sunny in Seattle, but she clearly remembered a day during the brief period of happiness she and Derek had shared between his divorce and her drowning. They had picnicked on his land, the place where she had later built their house of candles. It had been a good day, with sandwiches and wine, talking about their future together and making love in the soft light as the sun went down over their cliff. It would go down in time as one of her favorite days ever, along with the house of candles and the wedding.

Today would go down as one of her worst days ever. Right under the bomb and the day she drowned.

She stood in the middle of the graveyard, clutching Derek's hand tightly as she stared at the two caskets that sat in front of the crowd, the priest speaking words she wasn't hearing as she pulled her sunglasses over her red and swollen eyes. All s he could hear were the birds chirping loudly over the internal rambling in her head, combined with various memories of George and Izzie.

George and Izzie had always had a special bond, they had died at practically the same moment, and it seemed only fit for them to say good-bye to the world at the same time. Mrs. O'Malley was weeping in the front of the crowd, surrounded by her sons, and Izzie's mother was staring ahead of her with a blank expression on her face, Alex at her side as he stared at the ground, his hands crossed in front of him. Meredith stood between Derek and Christina, looking out over the crowd and wondering who exactly was running the hospital right now.

Everyone was here, from the chief to the slutty nurse Olivia. Meredith had even spotted Rose among the crowds, causing her to cling to Derek with unnecessary worry. Mark and Lexie were standing on Derek's other side, the chief, Bailey and Callie standing beside Owen on Christina's other side.

The service had been as beautiful as possible. Flowers that were ironically left over from Izzie's wedding covered the coffin, and Bailey had delivered a stirring eulogy for both of her former interns. Now, as the crowds were breaking up, Meredith couldn't will herself to move.

"Mer," Derek prompted gently, causing her to look up at him. "It's time to go," he said softly. "The reception. At your house."

"Right," Meredith nodded softly. "I um…can we hang on a minute? Wait for the crowd to thin out?"

"Sure," Derek said. "Do you want to be alone?"

"No, I…" Meredith's voice trailed off as her eyes landed on the minister, shaking hands and offering condolences. The minister who also performed weddings. Whose signature appeared on a marriage certificate to make it completely legal. "George didn't have anyone."

Derek frowned as he reached for her hand. "He did," he said softly. "The five of you had this incredible bond that no one could break."

"Maybe at first," Meredith sighed. "But…they called his mother. As his next of kin. His mother, Derek."

"Okay…" Derek frowned, obviously trying to follow her scattered rambling thought process.

"And if I…if something happens to me," she breathed. "No one will be able to make the decisions."

"Mer, I'd…"

"You wouldn't, Derek," she shook her head. "I know we're married. We're married and we had our perfect post it wedding. But when we need legal decisions made? We won't be able to do that for each other."

"Okay," Derek sighed, not having anticipated her freak out. "We can go to city hall, Mer. Tomorrow if that's what you want. We'll take the day off from work so there won't be any crisis."

"No," Meredith said. "Where's the marriage certificate?"

"What?" Derek asked.

"The marriage certificate," Meredith said. "We got it for the…for our non wedding. And now we have it and there's a priest right there, and he can sign it and we can be really married."

Tears filled her eyes and she felt Derek pull her closer, obviously worried about her sudden panic attack. "Okay," he whispered. "It's okay."

"It's not," she shook her head. "We need the marriage certificate. Where is it?"

"It's at the house," Derek sighed.

"Okay, we'll drive back quickly and get it, then get back here before the priest leaves," she said, knowing she sounded completely ridiculous.

"Mer," Derek sighed. "Why don't we just ask him to come to the reception?"

Meredith froze, before nodding. "Okay," she said. "Yeah, we'll do that."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I'll go ask him."

Meredith nodded as she watched him walk away, turning to the two coffins before her. Slowly, she approached them, gently running her fingers over the soft wood of the box that held what was left of George.

"Hey George," she whispered. "I just want to say I'm sorry. For leaving you alone. I was so wrapped up in my own happy bubble with Derek and then meeting his mom and dealing with his mid life crisis…I was trying so hard to be a good girlfriend that I forgot to be a good friend. And I'm sorry, George, I'm really sorry. But…well, I guess you know that Derek and I got married. And I'm happy. But I'll always miss you. You changed my life, George, and I'll never forget you. And…I love you. I don't know if I ever told you that, but…I love you."

She pressed a kiss to her fingertips before pressing them against the soft wood. "Bye George."

She turned to look at the identical coffin beside her, sighing as she looked down at her. "Hey Iz," she sighed. "I…God, I don't even know what to say to you. I know we've had our differences and we fought more than we actually got along, but…you're one of my best friends. I'm really glad that we were able to experience some of the toughest years of our lives together, and I hope that you're free now. I hope you're free of the cancer, and that you're happy and with Denny wherever you are. And don't worry about Alex. We're going to take care of him. I promise. You've been such an amazing influence on my life, and I won't forget you either. Hopefully you and George can keep each other company and laugh at us when we mess up. And I love you, Iz. You're one of the best friends I ever had."

She blinked back tears as she turned away from the coffins, turning to see Derek standing alone in the middle of the grass, waiting patiently for her to be done. "Are you okay?" he asked softly as he reached for her hand.

"Yeah," she sighed, inhaling deeply. "Just saying good bye."

Derek smiled as he slipped his arm around her waist. "I love you."

She smiled as she leaned into him, loving his understanding of her sudden need to say those words multiple times a day. "I love you too."

XXXXX

Half an hour later, Meredith and Derek sat on the couch in her mother's study, his study, staring down at the piece of paper in her lap.

"We're married," she breathed. "Really, legally married."

"We are," Derek smiled, kissing the side of her head.

"I'm glad," she whispered.

"Me too," Derek said softly.

"And…when we take this to city hall," she breathed. "I'm going to change my name."

"Really?" Derek asked, a slow smile spreading across his face.

"Really," she nodded. "I don't want to be Meredith Grey anymore."

"I love Meredith Grey."

"I know you do," she smiled, leaning her forehead into his. "But I don't. And I think I'll love Meredith Shepherd."

"I think I'll love Meredith Shepherd too," Derek grinned, kissing her quickly.

"We should mingle," she sighed.

"We should," he nodded, moving to place the precious piece of paper in the desk. "Ready?"

"No," she sighed. "But…this isn't exactly something anyone's ever ready for."

"You're right," Derek sighed. "You can do this."

"I know," she nodded as they walked out the door.

"Derek," a voice said as soon as they stepped out of the room. He turned to see Owen approaching him, a troubled look on his face. "We need your help getting Alex out of the car. He's refusing to come inside."

Derek sighed as he turned to look at Meredith. "Are you okay?"

"Go," she nodded. "Alex needs your help."

"I'll be right back," Derek sighed, squeezing her hand as he moved towards the front door.

Meredith sighed as she moved closer to the buffet table, smiling as she saw Lexie and Christina loading plates. "Hey, where did you and Derek disappear to?" Lexie asked when she saw Izzie.

"Probably screwing like bunnies," Christina attempted to joke.

"Not funny," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We got married."

"What?" Lexie cried, dropping her plate. "Married?"

"We just had the priest sign the marriage certificate," Meredith shrugged. "It's no big deal. We were already married in the heart or whatever."

"You need to stop spending time with McDreamy," Christina sighed. "You're turning into a sap."

"I'm a Shepherd now," Meredith smiled. "I guess it comes with the name."

"You're changing your name?" Christina asked.

"That's awesome, Mer," Lexie smiled, hugging her sister. "I'm so happy for you. At least we have something to make today less horrible."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed.

"That wedding really wasn't you," Lexie nodded. "Or Derek. Mark was telling me how he and Derek were completely uncomfortable at Elizabeth's wedding when she…"

"Who's Elizabeth?" Meredith frowned.

Lexie blinked in surprise before she said, "Derek's sister."

Meredith froze, her hand halfway to the vegetable platter. "Oh."

"You mean you have four new sisters and you don't know their names?" Christina asked. "Nice, Mer."

"I know…Caitlin," Meredith nodded. "She's the youngest. And his mom's Carolyn. And she apparently said that I was better for Derek than Addison was. And Nancy, who hated me…oh, God, what am I supposed to do?"

"I'll put in a good word for you if you want," Lexie said.

"What?" Meredith asked, turning to look at her with wide eyes. "How would you do that?"

"Oh," Lexie said, looking down at her plate in an entirely suspicious way. "I'm, um… goingtoNewYorkwithMark."

"You're what?" Meredith asked.

"I'm sorry," Lexie breathed. "I just…the chief gave us the next two weeks off, and Mark decided to go back to New York because he wanted to go to a Yankees game, and then… one thing led to another and I'm going with him. I thought he would have told you and Derek."

"Well he didn't," Meredith sighed. "They can't meet you before me."

"Why not?" Lexie frowned.

"Because," Meredith sighed, reaching down to twist her wedding ring around her finger. "You're the girlfriend. I'm the phantom wife. And if they meet you first they're going to have all kinds of expectations for me because you're the normal Grey sister, and…they just have to meet me first."

"Mer, you've already met Mrs. Shepherd," Lexie reminded her. "She loved you."

"And Nancy hated me," Meredith nodded. "There's three more opinions yet to be determined. And I have to make sure they're positive. It doesn't matter if all his mother likes me if all his sisters hate me."

"That really doesn't matter," Lexie assured her. "Derek loves you. And you're already a Shepherd."

"Right," Meredith nodded. "I'm already Derek's wife."

"So," Christina smirked as she bit into a carrot stick. "Does this mean we can call you the She-Shepherd now?"

XXXXX

Meredith knew Derek's nightly routine by heart.

He had just used the bathroom and was currently brushing his teeth, which meant that he still had to wash his face and brush his hair, and she still had a few minutes to think. Think about how a normal person would tell her husband that she wanted to meet his family, because she had never been able to talk like a normal person, and she wanted to do this right.

The water stopped running and she glanced into the bathroom, rolling her eyes as she saw Derek running a comb through his hair. He was the only man she'd ever met who brushed his hair before bed.

He flashed her a small smile as he slid into bed beside her, turning to look at her for a moment before he asked, "What are you trying to figure out to ask me?"

"What?" Meredith asked, turning to look at him with a surprised expression. "I don't want to ask you anything."

"You just watched me brush my teeth," Derek said. "Usually you just start reading or go to sleep. You stare at me when you want to ask me something."

Crap. She really had to stop being so predictable. Or maybe Derek had to stop being so good at reading her.

"Lexie knows more about your family than I do," she murmured.

Derek frowned before he reached out to take her hand. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "What do you want to know?"

"I want to know…" she thought for a moment before she said. "I want to meet them."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "We can look into getting time out at Christmas…"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I want to meet them now."

"Mer, they live in New York."

"And Mark's taking Lexie to New York," Meredith breathed. "If Lexie can do it, I can do it."

"Mer," Derek breathed, stroking her hair gently. "As much as I love this whole all into the relationship thing, are you sure you're ready? I know family's not the most comfortable thing for you, and you're hurting right now. Are you sure you're okay to meet them?"

"I am," she nodded. "They're my family now, right?"

"They are," Derek nodded.

"So I should meet them," Meredith nodded. "Because Lexie was talking about Elizabeth earlier and I looked like a total idiot because I had no idea who Elizabeth was."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "She's the sister right below me. She's your age, actually."

"She's five years younger than you?"

"And my favorite," Derek nodded. "Even though I'm not supposed to have favorites."

"I won't tell," she promised.

"Thank you."

"So we can go to New York?" she asked. "Next week?"

"We can," Derek nodded. "Nancy lives in Connecticut, and Caitlin's doing her residency in Boston, but I'm sure if I give them enough time they'll want to take some time off to meet you."

"Nancy hated me," Meredith whispered.

"She didn't," Derek sighed. "She just…loves Addison. And when she wasn't here we weren't exactly us. She didn't see how happy you make me."

"I make you happy?" she whispered.

"Happier than I've ever been," he nodded. "And I'm going to do everything I can to make sure that you're just as happy as I am."

"I am happy," she whispered. "Maybe not in this moment, because I'm mourning or whatever, but with you…I'm happy."

"Good," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'll call Mom first thing in the morning."

"You want to take me home, right?" Meredith whispered. "You're not hiding me?"

"Of course not," Derek shook his head. "I just wanted you to be ready. I didn't want to push."

"I appreciate that," she whispered. "But…now I'm pushing."

"Okay," Derek smiled, leaning down to kiss her. "Do you want to talk? About today or New York or anything?"

"No," she sighed, resting her head against his chest. "I'm just exhausted."

"Sleep," Derek nodded, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"No running?" she whispered into his shirt.

"No running," he agreed, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too, husband."


	5. Chapter 5

"Meredith, are you sure you don't want to cancel?" Derek asked a week later as he sat beside her on the bathroom floor, running a hand over her back gently.

"No," she said, shaking her head vehemently. "I have to meet your family, Derek. I have to."

"I know," Derek sighed. "And I want you to. But I don't want you to be throwing up while you do it."

"I'm fine," she snapped. "I just ate something weird. Or it's the stress. Something. But it will be gone tomorrow."

Derek sighed as he pushed some hair out of her forehead, holding his hand against the smooth skin for a moment. "You don't have a fever," he sighed. "What else is wrong?"

"What else is wrong is that I haven't stopped throwing up in two days and pretty soon there will be nothing left," she replied. "What's wrong is that two of my best friends just died and I'm about to meet my husband's family who's going to completely hate me."

"No one hates you," Derek said softly. "And I told them what's going on. They're completely willing to post pone this family reunion."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him, opening her mouth to say something before she lurched forward, grabbing the edge of the toilet as she coughed loudly.

"Oh, Mer," he sighed, reaching out to hold her hair back and rubbing a gentle hand over her back. "It's okay. Breathe. Just breathe."

Meredith pulled back from the toilet, reaching up to flush it before she turned to him with tears in her eyes. "I think I'm done," she whispered.

"Okay," he nodded, pressing his lips against her forehead. "You want me to help you back to bed?"

"I need to brush my teeth," he wife whimpered as she unsteadily rose to her feet, clutching his arm for balance.

"Do you need some ginger ale or something?" Derek asked as he handed her her toothbrush.

"I finished it all," she sighed.

"I can run out and get you some more."

Meredith paused, toothbrush already in her mouth before she simply nodded.

"Okay," he smiled, pressing his lips against her temple. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

She nodded, squeezing his hand tightly before turning back to the mirror and resuming her teeth brushing.

Derek ran a hand through his hair as he moved towards the attic, needing to make sure someone would keep an eye on Meredith while he was gone. Alex was still barricaded in his room, and Meredith had been working with Christina tirelessly to coax him out until she had gotten whatever bug she had.

"Shep," Mark frowned as he opened the door to the attic. "You look like hell."

"Thanks, Mark, I appreciate it," Derek rolled his eyes. "Is Lexie here?"

"She ran out to get some stuff for the trip," Mark sighed. "Big Grey still throwing her guts up?"

"She's not Grey anymore," Derek replied. "And yes. I have to run and get her some ginger ale, will you just make sure she's okay? Check in on her but don't make it seem like I told you to."

"Sure thing," Mark nodded. "Are you still heading out in the morning?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "I kept telling her it's okay if she wants to stay, but she's insisting that she has to go."

Mark sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "It's been two weeks," he said softly. "You'd think they'd be getting back to normal."

"Two weeks isn't enough time," Derek shook his head. "Just…check on her. And if she starts throwing up again make sure to hold her hair back."

"I don't have to do that."

"You slept with my wife."

"You can't use that argument forever."

"I won't," Derek said, offering him a small smile. "Only until it stops working."

XXXXX

When Derek returned with the requested ginger ale, as well as some crackers and trashy magazines, Meredith was curled up on his side of the bed, his Bowdoin t-shirt hanging loosely off of her body.

"Hey," he sighed as he sat down beside her, pouring the ginger ale into a glass and handing it to her. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she nodded as she sipped at the drink.

"Really better?" Derek asked. "Or 'I'm going to tell Derek I'm better so he'll stop asking me if I'm okay' better?"

"Really better," Meredith glared at him. "But thanks for the vote of confidence. That feels good."

"You know I'm kidding," Derek said, letting his hand run over her bare thigh. "And this is the last time I'm going to say it…"

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm. Fine. I ate something weird. I'm fine. And yes, really fine, not Meredith fine."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "I'm just saying if you're not feeling good."

"If you ask me that one more time I'm going to go to New York and leave you here."

Derek laughed as he leaned forward to kiss her softly. "We can't have that."

"No," she shook her head.

"I brought some crackers," he said as he pulled back and handed her some magazines. "And entertainment."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, running a hand over her stomach. "I think I can handle real food."

"I'm not making you steak after you spent the last two days throwing up."

"Soup?" Meredith asked, tilting her head to the side and swaying her shoulders slightly, trying to look as adorable as possible.

"You don't need to give me the eyes, of course I'll make you soup."

"Thank you," she giggled as she moved to stand.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"Downstairs," she shrugged.

"You should stay in bed," he frowned. "Rest and fluids. That's what you need."

"Thanks, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Now I know why they featured you in that stupid article."

"Don't mock the trial," Derek said, unable to deny the pleasure he felt with Meredith's teasing. She was slowly returning to the Meredith he loved, slowly learning how to move on without her friends, and he was glad for that. He only hoped that their time in New York would serve to help her through this horrible time.

Meredith giggled as she leaned into him, smiling as they made their way down the stairs. They both stopped when they stepped into the kitchen and saw Alex standing in the middle of the room, looking around carefully.

"Alex," she breathed, her giggle dying on her lips as she released Derek. "Are you okay?"

Alex shrugged. "You know," he sighed. "But um…I wanted to let you know that I'm going to be moving out."

"What?" Meredith asked. "You don't have to do that."

"I do," he nodded. "There's too much Izzie here. I can't handle it. I'll take her things too. You and Shepherd are married now, you should have the house to yourself."

"But…where are you going to live?" Meredith asked.

Alex shrugged, picking up a box from the counter. "I'll find somewhere," he said as he gently opened the box. "Her recipes," he said softly. "She loved baking."

"She did," Meredith smiled softly. "Do you need anything, Alex? Help packing, or finding a new place?"

"Nah, I've got a couple things lined up," Alex shrugged. "And…I have to do it. It will be therapeutic or something."

Meredith looked at him closely for a moment before she moved to stand beside him and wrapped her arms around him in a friendly hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I wish there was more I could do."

Alex was still for a moment before he returned the embrace. "Thanks, Mer," he said softly. "You've always had my back."

"And I always will," she nodded.

"Thanks," Alex said as he pulled back, taking a deep breath before he moved to the door. "Dr. Shepherd," he nodded.

"Karev," Derek nodded back before he turned to Meredith, reaching out to place a kiss on the back of her head. "Have I told you how proud I am of you?"

"Not lately," Meredith sighed as she settled onto a bar stool.

"Well, I am," he nodded. "When all of this is over, I'm going to take you where ever you want to go and spoil you rotten. You deserve it."

"You could just spoil me right now," Meredith giggled.

"I could," Derek nodded as he moved to the fridge.

"Derek?"

"Hmmm?" he asked, knowing that something big was coming. The past two weeks had provided several dramatic changes in their relationship, each of them initiated by his adorable wife saying his name in that tone of voice. Next would either be a really long ramble or a question to lead up to her point.

"You still want a house, right?"

There it was. "Of course," he nodded, chopping the carrots carefully.

"And we're married now."

"We are."

"Married people live in houses."

"We do live in a house," he pointed out. He loved playing Devil's advocate.

"Yeah, my mother's musty old house that isn't even homey," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And with my sister and your brother shacking up in the attic."

"So your point would be?" Derek asked.

"Well, Alex is moving out," Meredith said. "So maybe we should just…start building."

"You're ready?" Derek asked.

"I am," she nodded. "I mean, we're already married, so building a house isn't really a big deal, right? Unless you're not ready. I kind of just assumed you were because you already have plans, but if you're not we can stay here. We don't even have to build a house if you don't want to, I just figured the house of candles implied that we were both ready for a house, but if not…we can stay here. My point is…I want a house. Our house. But we don't have to have it if you're not ready."

"Mer," he laughed, pausing to kiss her briefly. "I'm more than ready. And we won't be using the plans I had."

"We won't?" she asked, a hand moving through his hair.

"No," he shook his head. "I want us to design a house together, something we both want."

"Oh."

"And even if we wanted those plans, I threw them out," he shrugged.

"You did?" she frowned.

"It wasn't worth building a house if it wasn't with you," Derek smiled.

"Now I'm going to throw up," Mark announced as he and Lexie walked into the kitchen hand in hand.

"Mark," Derek rolled his eyes. "What do you want?"

"Hey, this is my kitchen too," he defended. "Or…it's my girlfriend's kind of kitchen."

"Hmm," Derek nodded as he watched Mark take a seat at the stool beside Meredith, pulling Lexie to sit on his knee.

"How are you feeling, Mer?" Lexie asked.

"Okay," Meredith said. "My stomach's better and other than that…I'm taking things one day at a time."

"And today's a good day," Lexie smiled.

"It is," Meredith sighed. "Although…I have to decide what to do about the house."

"You want to keep it?" Derek asked.

"You're moving?" Lexie asked.

"In a long time," Meredith sighed. "Because it takes stupid forever to build a house."

"Mark can help," Lexie stated, causing Mark to freeze and Derek to drop his knife onto the counter. "What?"

"Mark?" Derek repeated. "You told her you could build houses?"

"I didn't say that," Mark stammered.

"You said you worked for a contracting company in college," Lexie frowned.

Derek snorted as he reached to pick up his knife again. "He worked in a home improvement store," he informed his sister in law. "And nearly got fired because he didn't know the difference between drywall and plaster."

"That's…not true," Mark frowned.

Lexie stared at him for a moment before she nodded. "It will be good to meet your family," she said. "I can find out what else you lied to me about."

Mark frowned before he turned to Meredith. "You should be the one who's excited," he told her.

"Why?" Meredith giggled slightly.

"Mark…" Derek warned, but his idiot best friend ignored him.

"You can get all the dirt on Shep," Mark nodded. "And trust me…there's a lot of dirt."

"Why haven't you ever told me any of this?" Meredith asked, her eyes actually sparkling as they met his.

"It's better when it comes from the girls," Mark shrugged. "Plus…in New York there's pictures."

"Oh, I love pictures," Meredith giggled as she turned to smile Derek.

"And now I remember why I haven't been home in years," Derek sighed as he set the soup on the stove and moved to stand beside Meredith as he wrapped an arm around her.

"Don't worry," she smiled. "I'll still love you after I hear embarrassing stories."

"Oh, well, that makes it okay then," Derek rolled his eyes as he pressed his lips against hers. As much as he hated the idea of his sisters telling Meredith some of his most embarrassing high school stories, if it would make Meredith happy again he'd be okay with it. "How's your stomach?" he murmured into her hair.

"Okay," she sighed as she leaned into him. "Still jumpy or whatever, but I think hunger's mixed in there somewhere too."

"Hunger's good," Derek nodded.

"So Big Grey," Mark announced. "You going to sell the house?"

"I guess," Meredith nodded as she wrapped her arms around Derek's waist. "We won't really have a need for it, and with the two of you getting your own place, there's not much point in keeping it."

Lexie glanced at Mark for a moment, her fingers lacing through his. "We um…we were thinking that maybe…this could be our place," she said awkwardly.

Derek raised his eyebrows. "You want to stay here?" he asked.

"Buy it," Mark nodded. "It's a great house, Big Grey."

"I guess," Meredith sighed. "I just…lots of memories."

Derek squeezed her waist tightly as he pressed his lips against the top of her head. "Soon Mer," he whispered.

"Not really," she sighed. "We don't even have an architect."

"I know," Derek murmured. "But…we're in the process."

"I know," she nodded.

"Okay," Lexie sighed. "I have to run into the hospital."

"What?" Mark frowned. "We're off."

"You are," Lexie said as she reached for her bag. "Christina has some big assignment for her interns. I'll meet you guys at the airport tomorrow."

"I'll walk you to the door," Mark said as he slid off the bar stool.

"Feel better, Mer," Lexie called over her shoulder.

"And then there were two," Derek sighed as he slid into Mark's vacated stool, resting his hands on Meredith's knees. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," she smiled. "And I love that you're taking care of me, Derek, I really do. But if you ask me that one more time if you don't shut up. I'll tell you if I feel worse. I promise."

"Okay," he sighed, leaning in to kiss her. "You're happier today."

"I feel a little more normal," she nodded. "I guess that's part of the process, isn't it?"

"Hmm," Derek nodded, kissing her again. "I'm glad you're happier."


	6. Chapter 6

"Kathleen, Nancy, Elizabeth, Caitlin," Meredith said, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. "Kathleen, Nancy, Elizabeth, Caitlin."

"Meredith," Derek said in a slightly amused tone of voice from the driver's side of their rental car. "Stop freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out," she said, taking a deep breath. "I just…Kathleen, Nancy, Elizabeth, Caitlin."

"I think you've got their names down."

"You know when is not a good time to mock me?" Meredith snapped. "When I'm about to meet your family for the first time while I have the flu and just had the worst plane ride of my life."

"Sorry," Derek sighed, reaching across the seat to take her hand, bringing it to his lips. "But seriously, Mer, it's going to be fine."

"I know," she said. "I just want it to be perfect. Your family has to like me, Derek. They have to."

"They will," he assured her. "But will you please just stop freaking out? This is a rental car, and I really don't want to have to pay for to redo the interior when you throw up all over it."

Meredith glared at him. At this point in time, she wasn't sure why she had married him.

"I love you," he said, as if reading her mind.

"I love you too," she murmured. "How far away are we?"

"About five minutes," Derek said as he turned off a main road into a residential neighborhood, Mark's rental car trailing behind them on the less crowded streets.

"Okay," she said. "Kathleen and Chris, Nancy and Matt, Liz and Shawn, Caitlin and…crap."

"Caitlin's married to Tyler."

"Tyler," Meredith nodded. "Crap."

"Mer, it's okay," Derek breathed. "There's a lot of people in my family, no one expects you to remember everyone's name right away."

"But…I bet Addison remembered everyone's name," Meredith sighed.

"Addison met everyone fifteen years ago," Derek pointed out. "Liz and Caitlin weren't married, and there were only five nieces and nephews."

"Great, so everyone remembers her," Meredith sighed, flopping back against the seat.

"Meredith," he said firmly. "You are not Addison."

"Thank you, Derek, I really needed to be reminded that I'm not perfect and amazing," Meredith rolled her eyes. This man was a complete idiot.

"First of all…you are perfect and amazing," Derek smiled. "And second of all, I love the fact that you're not Addison. I love you."

"I know you do," she sighed. "But your family does."

"They actually don't," he sighed as he pulled into the driveway of an old white house.

"Nancy loved Addison," Meredith pointed out.

"Well…Nancy's Nancy," Derek shrugged. "The others aren't as bad. And I won't leave your side, I promise."

"Thank you," she breathed, turning to look at the house. "This is your house."

"Where I grew up," Derek said with a small smile. "Are your ready?"

"No," she said. "But…I have to do this."

"It will be fine," he said with a soft smile. He leaned forward to kiss her softly before he pulled back and squeezed her hand. "Let's go."

"Kathleen, Nancy, Elizabeth, Caitlin," Meredith whispered as she got out of the car, taking Derek's hand and smiling nervously at Lexie and Mark.

"Have you finished puking yet, Big Grey?" Mark asked as he wrapped an arm around Lexie's waist.

"Mark," Lexie hissed, elbowing him in the stomach. "Mer, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she nodded. "Nervous, but my stomach's okay. Really."

"Good," Lexie nodded.

"Let's go," Derek said, smiling as he opened the front door and dragged Meredith inside. "Your favorite big brother's here!" he yelled.

"Derbear!" a voice cried from a room on their left, and a moment later Derek was wrapping his arms around a tall, brown haired woman about her age.

"Hey Liz," he laughed. "Miss me?"

Liz pulled back and reached up to smack the back of Derek's head.

"Ow!" Derek cried with a frown. "What was that for?"

"Not coming home in two years," she snapped.

"Thanks for reminding me why I didn't," he groaned.

Liz pushed him aside to reach for Meredith. "Hi," she said. "You must be Meredith. I'm Liz, it's really great to meet you."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, stiffening for a moment before she returned Liz's unexpected hug. "Um…you too."

Liz giggled as she pulled back. "We have so much to talk about," she said. "And I have plenty of embarrassing Derek stories."

"I can't wait for those," Meredith giggled.

"Derek!" another woman cried as she came in, Nancy trailing behind her. Liz turned to Mark and Meredith stepped back as she watched Derek greet Nancy and the sister she assumed was Kathleen, suddenly feeling out of place.

"It's um…nice to see you again, Meredith," Nancy said softly after a moment.

"You too," Meredith said, smiling what she hoped was a friendly smile.

"Meredith," Kathleen smiled, pulling her into an embrace. "I'm so glad to meet the newest Shepherd sister."

"Thanks," Meredith said, hugging her back. She was definitely going to have to get used to the hugging thing. Shepherds liked to hug.

"Where's Mom?" Derek asked as he pulled Meredith close to him. "And Caitlin? And…everyone?"

"Mom's at the store," Kathleen sighed as she led them into the living room. "Apparently it was the end of the world that she didn't have any steak frozen like she thought. Caitlin couldn't get yesterday off work, so she's on her way down right now."

"And the kids?"

"School, Derbear," Liz rolled her eyes. "It's the middle of the day."

"Which would suggest that you should be at work," Derek pointed out.

"Oh, we had to take time off," Kathleen nodded. "It's not every day you come home. And bring your phantom wife with you."

Meredith tensed, tightening her grip on Derek's hand. She'd never been referred to as a phantom wife before, but she was guessing it wasn't a good thing.

"She's not a phantom wife," Derek rolled his eyes. "And you could have come to visit Seattle. Mom did."

"Yeah, and she got a much warmer reception than I did," Nancy said, eyeing her brother carefully.

"Can we not do this now?" Derek asked. "Mer's had a long couple weeks."

There was an awkward silence in the room before Liz reached out to squeeze Meredith's free hand. "I'm really sorry, Meredith," she said softly. "I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now."

"You are pretty brave for coming out here at a time like this," Nancy conceded. "I don't think I could do it."

"I wanted to," Meredith said, leaning into Derek. "I know it might sound weird, but I just realized that we don't have all the time in the world, and I didn't…I wanted to meet Derek's family. Because you're my family now too…or my kind of family or whatever."

"You're family, Mer," Derek said, squeezing her close. "Mom's good at accepting people who aren't her own."

"She is," Mark nodded. "I would know."

"And if you need to talk, I'm here," Kathleen nodded. "Sometimes reactions to serious trauma can be delayed, and…"

"Kath," Derek sighed. "Don't go all therapisty right now. Please."

"Sorry," she said. "But seriously, Mer, if you want to talk, I'll listen. As a sister, not a therapist."

"All of us," Liz nodded. "You too, Derbear."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed, leaning closer into Derek.

"How are you doing?" Derek asked softly.

"Okay," she nodded.

"Your stomach okay?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Just tired."

"You want to go upstairs?" he asked.

"No," she shook her head. "We're…family. We're doing the family thing."

"You'll be here for a week, Meredith," Liz said. "You've been through a lot, and meeting the family is a big deal. I nearly passed out the first time I met Shawn's family."

"That's because you were pregnant," Nancy rolled her eyes.

"Shhh," Liz hissed.

"It's not like no one's done the math," Kathleen laughed.

"Come on, Mer," Derek sighed. "We'll let the annoying sisters bicker while I show you my room."

"Your room?" she asked curiously.

"Mom kept it the same since high school," Derek nodded. "Or well…she did."

"It's still the same," Nancy rolled her eyes. "You're her favorite, Derbear, it's not like she'd take down the shrine to you."

"Shrine to Derek?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep in a room like that."

"That's my dirty mistress," Mark laughed.

"You're just mad because Mom turned your room into a nursery and makes you sleep in the basement now," Liz said, punching him in the shoulder.

"Well, the midgets aren't here now and I brought a girl home," Mark smirked. "I think we'll be sleeping upstairs."

"Come on, Mer," Derek said, reaching for her hand. "We'll be down in a little while. Come get me when Mom gets home."

"Of course," Kathleen nodded. "Feel better, Mer."

"Thanks," Meredith said as Derek pulled her towards the stairs. She looked at the pictures lining the staircase, wedding picture after wedding picture, frowning when she saw a conspicuous space in between Kathleen and Nancy's. There was no doubt that a picture of Derek and Addison had once rested there.

"It's okay, Mer," Derek murmured, following her gaze. "Mom will put a picture of us there."

"We don't have wedding pictures," Meredith murmured.

"It's okay," Derek offered her a smile. "We can give her a picture from the Bahamas."

Meredith giggled slightly as she leaned her head on his shoulder. "You're still stuck on that?" she asked.

"Of course," Derek said, stopping outside a closed door at the end of the hall. "Think about it. Sunshine, the beach, naked cabanas."

"That might be awkward for putting pictures on your mother's wall," Meredith said as she slipped her arms around his neck.

"Well…we'll wear clothes for the pictures," he said, leaning his forehead down to hers. "Or…that picture at least."

Meredith giggled as she kissed him quickly before turning to look at the door that still boasted her husband's name. "So this is your room?" she asked.

"It's my room," Derek nodded as he opened the door, placing a hand on her back to guide her in.

"It's…Derek," she said with a smile, moving to look at the certificates that lined the wall. "Trumpet player of the year?"

"I was a band geek," Derek shrugged.

"Math league?" Meredith giggled. "Biology society?"

"Okay, maybe I was just a regular geek," Derek shrugged, placing his hands on her hips. "But that geek turned into McDreamy."

"Funny," Meredith sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Maybe I should look up some of the geeks I went to high school with. Maybe there's someone better than McDreamy out there."

"No," Derek shook his head. "There's no one better than McDreamy."

"You don't know that."

"Actually, I do."

"How?"

"Because I'm the love of your life," Derek said matter of factly.

"You are," Meredith nodded. "Although if anyone would have told me that I would have ended up with a geek in high school, I probably would have punched them."

"Punching, huh?" Derek asked. "You were tough in high school?"

"I had a lot of anger," Meredith shrugged. "Black clothes, pink hair."

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "How did I end up with that girl?"

"Well…we're not actually those people anymore."

"Good thing," Derek said. "I can't imagine life without you anymore."

"Corny," Meredith said, resting her head against his chest. "But…true."

"Good," Derek sighed as he moved to the bed, pulling her with him. "You like the girls?"

"They're nice," she nodded. "Intense, but nice."

"Give it a little while," Derek smiled. "You'll be a full fledged Shepherd sister in no time."

"Even Nancy was nice to me," Meredith said, resting her head against his chest. "Not as nice as the others, but…nicer than she was."

"You're my wife now," Derek said, squeezing her tightly. "She knows that Addison's gone, and we're forever. We weren't exactly on steady ground when you met her."

"True," Meredith sighed.

"Do you want to check in on things at home?" Derek murmured into her hair.

"No," she sighed. "I have Christina watching Alex, and she promised to call as soon as there was a change, good or bad."

"Okay," Derek said, closing his eyes as he breathed her in.

"Derek?" There was a knock on the door before Kathleen poked her head in. "Mom's home. She's practically bouncing off the walls waiting to see you."

"Okay," Derek said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and pulling Meredith with him. "Ready?"

"Yeah," she sighed. "Your mom likes me. Right?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded. He led her down the stairs and past the living room into the kitchen where Carolyn Shepherd was placing items into the fridge. "Hey Mom," he smiled widely.

"Derek," Carolyn smiled, closing the refrigerator and moving to wrap her arms around him. "How are you, sweetheart?"

"Hanging in there," Derek said, kissing her cheek. "Happy to be home."

"Good," Carolyn smiled, resting her hand on his cheek for a moment before turning to Meredith. "Meredith, darling."

"Hi, Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith said as Carolyn pulled her into her arms.

"Oh, don't be silly," Carolyn said as she pulled back, looking closely at Meredith. "From what I've heard, you're Mrs. Shepherd as well."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "Yeah. Or well…Dr. Shepherd. But the female Dr. Shepherd, so people will probably call me Ms. Shepherd, which is definitely better than she-shepherd."

"Mer," Derek coughed slightly.

"Thanks," she muttered.

"Call me Carolyn," she said with a smile. "Or Mom if you're comfortable."

"Mom," Meredith whispered, Ellis's image flashing through her mind before she nodded. She could definitely see Carolyn as her mom. "Okay."

"Good," Carolyn smiled. "Now, how are you feeling?"

"Alright," Meredith sighed.

"Well you look fantastic," Carolyn smiled. "Especially with everything you've been through, and your condition and all. None of my girls looked nearly as wonderful in their first trimester."


	7. Chapter 7

Derek nearly choked on the glass of water he had just taken a sip of. As he lowered the glass to the counter and coughed violently, he could hear his wife starting to freak out to his mom.

"Trimester?" she asked carefully.

"Oh," his mother said awkwardly, obviously realizing what had been going on from their reactions.

"I'm not pregnant," Meredith shook her head quickly. "I'm not…there's no trimester. I'm not pregnant."

"Of course," Carolyn said with a smile. "I suppose I'm losing my touch. Don't tell the girls."

"Touch?" Meredith asked, turning to look at Derek with wide eyes. "What's she talking about?"

"Mom's always been able to tell that the girls were pregnant before they told her," Derek murmured. "And you're definitely losing your touch, Mom. No one's pregnant. Well… Mer's not. I can't speak for the girls."

"Right," Carolyn nodded, turning back to the counter where she had been preparing dinner. "I'm sorry, dear."

Meredith turned to look at Derek with wide eyes. "Derek," she whispered.

"It's okay," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "She didn't mean to upset you."

"I've been throwing up," she whispered.

Derek blinked in surprise. It had never crossed his mind that Meredith's touch of the flu could be a much bigger ailment. "Mer," he whispered. "Do you think…are you?"

"No," she shook her head. "It's just…coincidence or whatever. I'm not late, my boobs aren't sore…I'm not pregnant, Derek."

"Okay," he nodded, squeezing her hand. "It's okay, Mer."

She nodded absently before she leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I…we'll talk later?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded.

"I'm going to go find Lexie," Meredith said, standing up on her tip toes to kiss his cheek. "I love you."

"Love you too," he murmured.

"Um, I'll be back, Mrs….Mom," Meredith said with a small smile as she ducked out of the room.

"Of course, dear," Carolyn smiled.

Derek sighed as he moved to the fridge, smiling as he reached for a beer. "Glad to see you're ready for Mark to be here," he said, holding the bottle up.

"It's been forever since the two of you have been home," Carolyn sighed. "I wanted to be sure that you would enjoy yourselves."

"Of course we are, Mom," Derek sighed. "As much as we can right now."

Carolyn smiled sympathetically. "How is everything out in Seattle?" she asked. "That poor girl really does look terrific for everything she's been through."

"She does," Derek sighed. "It's been two and a half weeks, she starting to move on. Her eyes are sparkling more, there are moments when things feel completely normal."

"Losing someone you love is the worst feeling in the world," Carolyn said, glancing at the ceiling for a moment. "Two lose two of your best friends in the same moment…I don't know how Meredith is still standing."

"She's strong," Derek nodded, looking down at the counter top. "Stronger than anyone I've ever met."

"She loves you," Carolyn said softly. "I told you when I was in Seattle that you need her. But she needs you just as much."

"I know," Derek sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I just wish I could do more for her."

"I think you're doing just fine," Carolyn smiled. "I just wish I hadn't opened my big mouth."

"Meredith is not pregnant," Derek said firmly, wishing he was as sure of the words as he sounded.

"Are you sure of that?" Carolyn asked, eyeing her son carefully.

"She would have told me," Derek replied. "We don't keep secrets anymore."

"I'm not suggesting that she is keeping anything from you," Carolyn said. "I saw the look on her face. She was just as surprised as you were. Of course, she was a little more dignified in her reaction."

"You can't suggest a possible pregnancy to a man who's just taken a sip of water," Derek defended.

"Whatever the matter is," Carolyn said. "Are you sure there's no way that your wife is pregnant?"

"I…" Derek trailed off for a moment, frowning. "I guess it's possible," he breathed.

"Hmm," Carolyn smiled as she patted his shoulder. "I'm not trying to pressure you, Derek. But this isn't something you can ignore."

"Tell my wife that," Derek sighed, taking a long pull on his beer. "She's an expert at avoiding important conversations."

"Which is why you need to corner her," Carolyn said.

"Mom, usually I'd have no problem with that," Derek said. "I understand how her brain works, and she's been so much better about opening up lately. But with George and Izzie…so much has changed in the last few weeks and I'm afraid that one more thing will push her over the edge."

Carolyn sighed as she slid a pan into the oven and closed the door, staring at her son for a moment. "Derek, I adore Meredith," she said. "I know I don't know her that well, but she's been through a lot these past couple weeks. And if there's one thing I know for sure, it's that the two of you are good for each other. You need each other."

"I know that," Derek sighed. "But Mer…she's been through a lot. And she runs when things get hard."

"That's interesting," Carolyn said slowly. "Because I seem to remember about a month ago, you quit your job and decided to live in the middle of the woods like some kind of hermit."

"How did you know about that?" Derek frowned.

"And who was it that was finally able to convince you to come back?" Carolyn asked, the expression on her face making it clear that she already knew the answer.

"It was Mer," Derek murmured.

"I'm sure it wasn't exactly easy to have an engagement ring she was expecting to be put in her finger thrown into the woods," Carolyn continued. "Which, young man, I am not happy about. That ring means the world to me, and you know it."

"I know, Mom," Derek sighed. "I was going through some things, and…well, I got it back. Mer loves it. It took her awhile, but she loves it."

"My point, Derek Christopher," Carolyn continued. "Is that while the two of you may have had difficulties in the past, she's a much stronger person now. You've helped her become strong. You've showed her love."

"What's going on with Big Grey?" Mark interrupted the conversation as he walked into the room.

"What do you mean?" Derek frowned.

"She just came in and started talking a mile a minute in words that didn't even make sense," Mark shrugged. "Lex seemed to understand, and the two of them bolted like the house was on fire. Must be some weird Grey thing."

"Mer ran?" Derek frowned, his heart tightening in his chest.

"Oh, calm down," Mark rolled his eyes. "She said she had to run an errand. Which is pretty interesting, considering the fact that she's been here for about an hour and knows where nothing is."

Derek sighed as he sank back onto his stool. Meredith was freaking out, he knew she was. But he wished she would let him in to calm her down. They'd gotten good at that, at the calming each other down thing in the past few months. But now, this was big. She was meeting his family and freaking out, and she wasn't letting him help her.

"She just had to run out to get some medicine to calm her stomach," Carolyn said with a smile. "Now, why don't we go catch up with your sisters? They took time off of work to visit you, not to bicker with each other."

Derek trailed after Carolyn and Mark back into the living room, fingering his phone as it rested on the side of his belt. He wasn't sure if he should call her or not, but before he could make the decision, it vibrated quickly, indicating a new text.

_Sorry I ran. Had to get some air, but we'll be back soon. Please don't be mad. I love you, Mer._

Derek sighed, unable to stop the slow smile that spread across his face. He had a feeling that for the rest of his life, he was going to be calming his wife down, freak out after freak out.

XXXXX

Later that night, Derek sat on the bed in his childhood room, contemplating everything that had happened that day. Meredith, who was now locked in the bathroom, had come home from her mysterious errand still flustered, but somewhat calm. She had accepted his mother's hundredth apology with a wave of her hand, and had even laughed with his sisters over dinner and cuddled with him on the couch as they'd sipped coffee and continued their conversation.

But now she was locked in the bathroom connected to his room, and he knew what she was doing. She hadn't said a word to him, he hadn't stumbled upon any plain brown paper bags that held their future inside, but he just knew. He knew because he knew his wife.

And now he was standing outside the bathroom door, contemplating whether he should go in and support her, or give her the space she so desperately craved. After another long moment of hesitation, he twisted the doorknob and entered the room, finding his wife sitting on the edge of the tub, a small white piece of plastic in her hands.

Her eyes met his for a long moment before she took a deep breath and held it up, uttering only one word.

"Positive."

Derek swallowed hard, trying to fight back the excitement that was building in his chest. Children with Meredith was exactly what he had wanted for so long, and now it was so close, within his reach. He could touch his wife's stomach and feel the growing place of his baby.

But Meredith had slid to the floor of the bathroom, tears streaming down her face as she buried her face in her hands. She wasn't happy, and he refused to get excited about this until he knew where she stood.

"Mer," he sighed, moving to sit on the floor beside her and pull her into his arms. "It's okay."

"It's not," she shook her head violently against his chest. "It's not okay, Derek. God, why were we so stupid? I should have known that giving up condoms would have led to this."

"This isn't a bad thing, Meredith," he whispered, moving her face to look at his. "This is a baby. Our baby."

"I know," Meredith breathed, her hand moving to her stomach for a moment before quickly pulling it away. "But…Derek, it's not a good time."

"We don't always get to pick the time," Derek said softly.

"Seriously?" Meredith frowned, looking up at him. "George and Izzie are dead, Derek. They're dead, gone forever, and I've been trying to move on, I really have. But a baby… I'd be a terrible mother right now."

"What are you saying?" Derek asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer.

"I'm saying that we're here for another four days," Meredith whispered. "Can we…is it okay if I'm not pregnant until we get back to Seattle? Can we just ignore it?"

"Mer, this isn't something we can ignore," Derek whispered. "One way or another, we have to deal with this."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "But I just can't. I'm meeting your family, and I'm still just trying to stay standing. So please. Can we just forget about it for a few days? I promise no alcohol or coffee or anything. I won't do anything to hurt your baby, I just can't do this now."

Derek sighed, not missing how she had emphasized that it was his baby, not theirs. She wasn't ready for kids yet, he knew that, but he wasn't sure what it would mean for them if she were to not give birth to this child. "Fine," he sighed. The more time he could have to convince her how amazing it would be, the better.

"Derek," she reached for his hand, holding it tightly. "Don't be mad. Please don't be mad."

"I'm not mad," he sighed. "Just…confused."

"Confused?" Meredith whispered.

"I'm not sure whether I should be happy, worried, or upset," he admitted softly.

"Oh," Meredith frowned, staring down at her still very flat stomach for a moment. His eyes followed hers, and after a moment's hesitation, she gently guided his hand to touch her stomach, to feel the place where their baby was growing.

"Oh," Derek whispered, feeling unexpected tears prick his eyes. "Oh."

"It's not that I don't want kids," Meredith whispered, holding his hand firmly against her stomach. "I do, Derek, I really do. But right now…George and Izzie are gone, and I'm still not sure exactly how to live my life without them. We don't have a house, or we do but not a good one, and Mark and Lexie were going to take it anyways. I'm only a second year resident and you…"

"I what?" Derek asked, moving his free hand to push her hair out of her face.

"You were having a mid life crisis," Meredith whispered. "Or something that caused you to hide in the woods."

"Oh," Derek said softly, suddenly realizing how much he had scared her. She had been strong and amazing for him, and he wouldn't have been able to make it through it without her. But he had been so involved in himself that he hadn't realized how much his actions had affected her. "Mer, that's over."

"You don't know that," she sighed. "And what happens when you decide that you can't be a father and run off to a scrub nurse?"

"That won't happen," Derek shook his head. "Mer, I'm scared. Having a baby is huge and terrifying. But there's nothing more in the world that I want than to have children with you. I want to be a father, even if it's scary."

Meredith sighed as she pulled herself to her feet and reached for her face wash. "Can we just ignore it for now?" she asked. "Please, Derek?"

As much as Derek wanted to get down on his knees and beg her to accept this, to give him the baby he so desperately craved, he knew that she needed time. She had been through so much in the past few weeks, and he was honestly surprised that she was even still standing. Old Meredith, the Meredith who had drowned herself during the ferry boat accident, would have run a long time ago, but this Meredith was here. She was here, even though every single instinct was probably telling her to run

"Of course we can wait," he whispered, stepping behind her to press her lips against the back of her head. "I love you, Mer. No matter what. Please remember that, okay?"

"I know," she nodded, turning in his arms to bury her face in his chest. "And I love you too. I want to give you, a baby, Derek, I do. But I don't know if I'm strong enough right now."

Derek swallowed hard before he kissed her softly. "Think about it for a couple days," he murmured. "When we get back home, we'll go out to the trailer and talk about all of this, okay?"

"Okay," she sighed, moving back into the bedroom. "And can you…can we not tell your sisters yet? Because…I don't want them to hate me."

"They don't hate you," Derek laughed slightly. "In fact, I think they're pretty close to liking you more than me."

Meredith smiled softly as she slid under the covers. "I like them too," she said with a slight smirk. "Definitely more than I like you."

Derek couldn't help the way his heart skipped a beat at her gentle banter. His Meredith was still there. Underneath the grief and the fear and the exhaustion…his Meredith was still deep down inside, willing to tease him and flirt with him even when she knew nothing else was certain in her life. "Well, I like Mark more than you," he smirked.

"Good," Meredith shrugged. "Mark can give you dirty airplane sex on the way home then."

"That's…disgusting," Derek frowned as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I love you."

"What are you doing?" she frowned. "Come to bed."

"Go to sleep," Derek whispered, running a hand through her hair. "I'll be back in a bit."

"What?" Meredith asked, sitting up quickly. "You said you weren't mad. Derek, if you're mad don't leave. Please don't leave me, Derek."

"I'm not leaving," Derek sighed, running his thumb along her wedding ring. "No running, remember?"

"But you're running."

"I'm not," Derek sighed, looking at the wall above her head. "I need to go see Dad."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, letting out a relieved sigh. "You…now?"

"I haven't been in two years," Derek sighed. "I have a lot to tell him."

"Well, I'll go with you," Meredith said, sitting up and reaching for his sweatshirt.

"No," Derek sighed, desperately needing some time alone at his father's grave. "I'll take you before we leave, if you want. But right now, I need to do this alone. And you promised to take care of yourself and the baby until we talk. So sitting on the ground in the middle of the night is not acceptable."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, but he could still see fear and worry in her eyes.

"I won't be long," Derek said, leaning forward to kiss her again. "I love you. And I'm not running."

"I love you too," she sighed as she squeezed his hand. "Go."

"Go to sleep," Derek sighed. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, turning into the pillow and inhaling deeply, telling Derek that she was falling asleep. He waited for a moment, until he was sure that she was completely asleep before he leaned down to stroke her belly. "Daddy loves you," he whispered.


	8. Chapter 8

"Mer, come on!" Liz called as she leaned into Derek's room a couple days later where Meredith was just pulling her hair into a pony tail. "We're going to be late. Kath and Caitlin are already at the spa.

"I'm coming," Meredith giggled as she turned back to Derek, pressing her lips against his quickly. "Don't wait up."

"Are you sure you feel okay?" he asked, his eyes wandering to her stomach for a moment before landing back on her face.

"I'm fine," she rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm going to a bar. It's a spa, Derek. With your sisters."

"Okay," he said, squeezing her hand before kissing her again. "Have fun. Call me if you need anything."

"We're not going to kidnap her, Derek," Liz rolled her eyes. "It's a Shepherd Sister tradition. And considering Mer's the only one whose name is actually Shepherd anymore, she has to come."

"I know," Derek laughed. "Don't be late for dinner, though. Mom's got something big planned for our last night."

"We won't," Liz shook her head.

"Let's go," Meredith breathed as she followed Liz down the stairs and out to the driveway.

"I'm sorry you have to put up with my idiot brother and his over protectiveness," Liz sighed as she got into the driver's side of her car. "Or well…not really, because you married him. We didn't have a choice in the matter when he chased away all our boyfriends in high school."

"Derek did that?" Meredith asked with a soft smile. She wasn't really surprised, but she loved hearing stories about young Derek.

"Of course," Liz rolled her eyes. "Apparently since he was the man of the house that meant he had to scare all the boys away. I'm sure he'll be worse with your daughters. When you have them."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, her hand briefly brushing her flat abdomen as she debated whether or not she should tell Liz that that day may occur much sooner than anyone thought.

The past couple days had been a very weird combination between fun and awkward. She'd really enjoyed spending time with Derek's mother and sisters, and was finally starting to feel like a part of her husband's family. He hadn't been lying when he'd told her that they seemed to like her more than they liked him. And she was finally understanding what family felt like.

But things between her and her husband had been awkward. Not enough for anyone to notice, but there was the huge elephant in the room whenever they were alone. She'd caught Derek staring wistfully at Caitlin's two month old baby, his newest niece. And sometimes he would stare at her stomach, a sparkle in his eyes as if he were planning their entire future together.

She wanted to give him this. She wanted to carry Derek's baby. As she'd sat surrounded by her new family, she actually felt that she might be able to do this. But she wasn't living in the real world right now. Back in Seattle, she had a stressful job, a house that she had nothing but terrible memories in, the promise of building a new house, and a trailer in the middle of the woods. Not to mention the stress of being surrounded by memories of her two dead friends and trying to make sure that Alex was taken care of and Owen didn't strangle Christina again. So she wasn't sure if she could do this in the real world.

But Derek wanted her to do this, and for the past couple days she had been trying to figure out what they should do so neither one of them would resent the other. Today, their last day in New York before returning to their real life, she was spending the afternoon at a spa with Lexie and the sisters, wondering if it was a bad thing that she was looking forward to a couple hours away from her husband. Not that she didn't love Derek, but it would be good to get perspective.

"You're awfully quiet," Liz commented as she pulled into a parking lot and turned off the car.

"I'm okay," Meredith sighed. "Just thinking."

"I honestly don't know how you're doing this," Liz said. "You've been through so much and you're not only standing, but you're meeting the family and still making my brother completely happy."

"I'm…moving on," Meredith whispered. "I'm just trying to figure out how to move on without feeling completely guilty."

"It's hard," Liz sighed. "I don't really remember Daddy that well, but Shawn's mom died a couple years ago. I know it's different from what you've been through, but it seems like time's the major factor in the grieving equation. And you're very strong, that helps."

"That's what Derek says," Meredith sighed.

"I know he sounds like an idiot a lot," Liz giggled. "But he does know what he's talking about sometimes. And he knows you."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, looking down at her feet as they walked into the spa. "He does know me."

"There you are!" Nancy exclaimed as they entered the lobby. "The others are already in the locker room. We figured we'd relax in the steam room first, then get massages and facials."

"Sounds perfect," Liz smiled. "Come on Mer."

Meredith sighed as she followed Nancy and Liz into the locker room, quickly slipping out of her clothes and slipping a towel around her. She paused briefly to glance down at her stomach, wondering if anyone besides her could see the soft swelling of the skin or if it was all in her imagination.

"How are you feeling?" Lexie whispered, suddenly appearing beside her. She was the only person besides her and Derek that knew about the baby, and had sworn to not even tell Mark.

"Fine," Meredith sighed.

"Have you two talked yet?"

"Not now, Lexie," Meredith whispered, eyeing Derek's sisters carefully as they moved towards the door.

"You can't ignore this," Lexie insisted.

"Lexie," Meredith hissed. "We've got it under control. Please just leave me alone. I'm handling it."

"This is a baby, Meredith," Lexie insisted. "A baby. Not some stupid journal article or a scrub nurse. It's a baby."

"I know that," she snapped. "And no offense, but it's none of your business. It's my baby. Mine and Derek's, so we're the ones that have to deal with this, not you or anyone else."

"Is everything okay?" Kathleen asked curiously from where she and her sisters were gathered by the door to the steam room.

"Yeah," Meredith said with a slight smile. "Everything's fine. Just…thinking about going home."

"I can't believe you have to go home so soon," Caitlin sighed as they entered the already warm room. "We're going to have to come out and visit you guys, see Seattle for myself."

"Well, you may have to wait until we actually have a house," Meredith said as she settled onto the bench.

"Oh, this is amazing," Nancy sighed as she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes in contentment.

"Hmmm," Liz smiled. "No lives to save."

"Or husbands to take care of," Kathleen sighed.

"Or children running around," Caitlin added.

Meredith blinked in surprise, wondering if it were possible to get some information out of these women without seeming too obvious. Lexie seemed to read her mind and squeezed her hand briefly before she asked, "So what's motherhood like? Meredith and I are completely clueless on this topic."

"It's amazing," Nancy nodded. "Even if it's a little stressful, with working and being a mom."

"Being a doctor and a mom is hard," Liz sighed. "But…when you guys have kids, you'll get it."

"Get what?" Meredith asked softly.

"Just…the way that a tiny little giggle can give you a high like no surgery," Liz smiled. "And when you hold your baby for the first time, the fact that this tiny little person has suddenly become the most important thing in your life, even more important than your husband."

"And even when they're running around driving you crazy, it's completely worth it," Kathleen smiled. "Because you know that these perfect little kids are completely happy and amazing because of you. They depend on you for everything, and when you see that you've added a good person to the world, it's more rewarding than anything as a doctor could ever achieve."

"Don't you ever feel overwhelmed?" Meredith asked. "I mean, how do you find the balance?"

"It can be hard," Caitlin sighed. "Until you get a routine. But babies really only need love."

"And by the end of your maternity leave, you'll be upset to go back to work," Nancy sighed.

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked down at her lap. Derek's baby was inside of her. A tiny little life was growing in her, depending on her to keep it safe and healthy, fed and loved. She closed her eyes briefly, seeing a flash of her future, of her and Derek in bed, a tiny baby cuddled between the two of them. It was a nice picture, but suddenly an image of Izzie flashed through her mind, and she jumped to her feet, moving towards the door of the steam room.

"What's wrong?" Lexie asked, offering her sister a confused expression, and Meredith hoped she wouldn't make a big deal.

"I…I have to pee," Meredith said, smiling slightly before she shook her head. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Lexie frowned, knowing that something was up, but Meredith didn't care as she turned and pushed out of the room.

She sat on the bench in the locker room for a moment before she took a deep breath, trying to hold back her tears. She needed to talk to someone, she needed advice from someone who really understood her and her situation. And the only person besides Derek who knew her that well was Christina.

With a deep breath, Meredith reached into her purse for her cell phone, quickly dialing her best friend's number, praying that she wouldn't be in surgery.

"Hey Mer," Christina's voice said on the other end. "How's the McFamily?"

"Good," Meredith nodded. "They're…really awesome. I like them a lot."

"So why are you freaking out?" Christina asked.

"Are you alone?" Meredith asked.

"Owen's here."

"Can you be alone?" Meredith whispered.

"Get out," she heard Christina's muffled voice say. "Because Mer's freaking out. I don't know, just get out….Okay, he's gone. What's up?"

"When we were first interns," Meredith sighed. "We…you were going to have a… you were pregnant."

"Mer…" Christina sighed, obviously knowing exactly what was going on in her best friend's life. "What are you going to do?"

"How did you decide?" Meredith asked. "I mean, I still don't really understand why you wanted to do it, but…how did you know what to do?"

"I was just starting," Christina sighed. "I'd barely even scrubbed in at all, and Burke and I weren't doing anything more than sleeping together. Plus I never wanted kids."

"Oh," Meredith whispered.

"Meredith, this is a big decision," Christina said softly. "We've both grown a lot since then."

"So now," Meredith inhaled deeply. "Today, if you found out you were pregnant, with everything that's just happed, what would you do?"

"I…" Christina trailed off for a moment, and Meredith knew that her best friend was having an important realization. "I would tell Owen before I made any decisions."

"Derek knows."

"I can't tell you what to do, Mer," Christina said. "But being a pregnant resident is a lot easier than being a pregnant intern. And the Chief would bend over backwards to help you and McDreamy have the easiest time possible at work."

"I know," Meredith sighed.

"And Mer?" Christina asked, her voice becoming uncharacteristically soft.

"Hmmm?" Meredith asked, running a hand over her stomach.

"George and Izzie…they would both tell you to keep it," Christina informed her gently.

"Oh," Meredith sighed, feeling tears prick her eyes.

"You need to decide this," Christina said. "But…if we have another McDreamy running around like an idiot, I might hold this decision against you."

Meredith smiled slightly. "I'll remember that," she sighed, but she couldn't help imagining having a son who looked exactly like Derek, dark waves and bright blue eyes just like her husband's. And the image definitely wasn't a bad thing.

"What time does your plane land tomorrow?" Christina asked.

"One," Meredith sighed. "But we're going to the trailer. We've kind of been living in limbo, and we need to take some time to figure this out."

"Okay," Christina said. "Well…I'll see you when you're back at work?"

"I'll be there in a couple days," Meredith nodded. "I um…thanks. For listening."

"Hey I'm your person," Christina said. "It's what I do."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed, snapping her phone closed before she looked up at the ceiling, trying to fight back the tears that were building in her eyes. She wished she had the strength to do this, she really wished that she could just give Derek everything he wanted, but she wasn't sure she could.

XXXXX

"Mer, can you just try to eat something?" Derek asked a couple hours later as the rest of the family polished off their dinner.

"I can't," she shook her head. "Derek, my stomach…I can't."

"Are you still sick?" Carolyn asked with a frown. "Derek, maybe you should take her to the doctor tomorrow."

"I am a doctor," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Don't be smart with me," Carolyn frowned. "She's been sick for nearly two weeks now, there must be something wrong."

"I'm fine, Carolyn," Meredith murmured. "Just not feeling very well. And not looking forward to getting back to Seattle."

"That's understandable," Carolyn said. "If you'd like to stay a little bit longer…"

"No," Meredith sighed. "Not that I don't want to, but we have work and our friends… we need to go back."

"Well, the door is always open," Carolyn smiled. "Derek and Mark may not take advantage of that so much anymore, but I'm hoping that will change now that we have you two lovely ladies in our life."

"Thanks," Meredith said softly, jumping slightly when she felt Derek reach under the table and gently squeeze her knee. They'd been entirely weird since they'd found out, and she hated it. She completely hated it, but she wasn't sure how to fix it.

"We have an early flight," Derek said as he stood, reaching for Meredith's hand. "I think we're going to go to bed now."

"Of course," Carolyn said, standing to pull Meredith into her arms. "I'm so glad to call you my daughter," she whispered. "You make my son happier than I've ever seen him."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, blinking quickly as she hugged Carolyn back. "Thank you."

Carolyn smiled before she turned to Derek. Meredith watched as her husband squeezed his mother tightly, nodding eagerly as she whispered something in her ear that she couldn't hear. Before she could watch any further, Liz stepped up and wrapped her arms around her. "It was so great to meet you, Mer," she said.

"You too, Liz," Meredith sighed as she hugged her back.

"Don't forget to call," Liz said firmly. "And I want to see weekly pictures of the house."

"Even though we don't even have plans yet?" Meredith giggled slightly.

"Well…send me pictures of the plans," Liz nodded. "I need to know that we're going to have a good place to stay when we come visit."

"Of course," Meredith smiled. "That's definitely why we need a good home. So you can visit."

"Why else?" Liz giggled. "Let him take care of you, Mer. He loves you."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she watched Derek hug Caitlin good bye. "He's amazing."

Derek turned away from his sisters before he turned to look at Meredith. "You coming up?" he murmured.

"Yeah," she sighed. She bit her lower lip for a moment before she quickly bid good bye to the rest of Derek's family, nodding good night to Mark and Lexie before she followed her husband up the stairs to where he was sitting on the bed, already dressed in his pajamas as he stared down at his hands. "You okay?" she asked, sitting down beside him.

"Yeah," he whispered, twisting his wedding ring around his finger. "Just thinking."

"Oh," Meredith nodded slightly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"We can wait until tomorrow," Derek nodded.

"Okay," Meredith whispered, hating how awkward things were.

"I love you," Derek offered, causing a wave of relief to wash over her. As long as he never stopped loving her, they could figure this out.


	9. Chapter 9

Derek sighed as he stepped out of the tiny bathroom in the trailer, his eyes landing on his wife as she lay curled on his side of the bed, his Bowdoin sweatshirt enveloping her completely. She was staring at the wall in front of her, a hand resting lightly on her stomach.

"How are you feeling?" he asked. The plane ride hadn't exactly been easy, and Meredith had spent a good portion of it in the bathroom, throwing up. She'd been silent since they'd returned to the trailer, lost in thought.

"Okay," she whispered.

"Okay," Derek sighed, sitting down to face her on the bed, reaching out to stroke her hair. "So we need to talk."

"I know," Meredith whispered, taking a deep breath before she sat up, crossing her legs at she looked at him expectantly. "I'm pregnant."

"You're pregnant," Derek nodded, looking down at her stomach, resisting the urge to touch it.

"And…I don't know what I want."

Derek nodded, hoping that she would really open up to him this time, that they could decided this now.

"You want to keep it."

"I do," Derek nodded. "I want to feel my baby inside of you, Mer. I want to see a beautiful child grow up that's a perfect combination of you and me. But I only want that if you do."

"But if I didn't," Meredith sighed. "You would resent me. And then our marriage would be over."

"No," Derek shook his head.

"You would, Derek," she said, tears building in her eyes. "Because you want to be a father. You'd be an amazing father."

"But I want you," Derek said softly. "And I know you want babies. The candles…you want babies."

"I do," she said softly.

"Just not now."

"Not now," she agreed.

"So it's okay," he sighed. "Or not okay, but…understandable. You've been through a lot the past couple weeks, almost too much."

"Part of me really wants this baby," Meredith whispered. "But I really don't know if I want it because I'm ready or if I want it because I'm afraid of what will happen if I don't have it."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed, leaning into him. "Why don't we talk about why you wouldn't want it?"

"What?" Meredith asked.

"You obviously have very strong feelings both ways," Derek said. "And you can't have this baby just because of me, Mer. You can't. So we'll think about the reasons you're scared to have it, and tackle each one of them."

"I'm a resident."

"Bailey was a resident when she had her baby."

"And now her husband wants a divorce."

"Oh," Derek said, suddenly realizing that maybe her fears were legitimate. "That won't happen."

"How do you know?" she asked. "How do you know that I won't become some crazy, career driven nazi who wants to spend time in the OR instead of being a mom? What happens when I'm called out of surgery because our son or daughter breaks their arm and I tell them that they deserved it for climbing on the monkey bars before I return to surgery?"

Derek frowned, briefly confused about the specifics of her statement before realization set in. "You're worried about turning into your mom," he whispered. "She did that to you."

"That's another reason," Meredith whispered.

"If there is one thing I'm sure of about this, it's that you're going to be an incredible mother," Derek breathed. "I've watched you with kids, Mer. And I know that you're not exactly thrilled about this baby, but if we decide to do this, I know that you will love him or her with everything you have in you."

"I want kids," Meredith nodded. "And I think…I think I could be a mom before I'm a doctor."

"Good," Derek said, reaching out to link their fingers together. "What else scares you about this?"

"We don't have a house."

"We can start that tomorrow," Derek nodded. "And put a rush on it. We can afford that."

"Moving with a newborn would be hard."

"We could do it a little at a time," Derek shrugged. "My sisters have done it. The nursery can be the first room we decorate."

"George and Izzie are gone."

"Oh," Derek whispered, not having any response to that particular argument. He wasn't sure how to comfort her.

"And I know that it might sound stupid," she sighed. "I just…they died, Derek. We most likely conceived this baby on the night that they died. And how can I bring a new life into a world where my two best friends are dead? How is that fair at all? They were going to be Aunt Izzie and Uncle George."

"The same way I have to bring a life into a world where by dad was murdered," Derek whispered.

"Oh," Meredith whispered, suddenly looking up at him with wide eyes, full of worry and fear.

"You're not the only one who's scared, Mer," he breathed. "But I hope that we can do this. I really want to do this."

"I know you do," she said, looking down at their joined hands for a moment before she hesitantly pulled his hand to her stomach, pushing the sweatshirt she was wearing out of the way so his hand made contact with her bare skin. "I think…I think I could love this baby."

"I want to love it," Derek whispered.

"But you don't?"

"I can't," Derek shook his head, tears filling his eyes. "Because if we don't…if you don't want this baby, I can't love it. I can't let myself love it until we're positive that we're going through with it."

"Oh," Meredith whispered. "That makes sense."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before he asked, "What do you think? Should we do this?"

"Christina says that George and Izzie would want me to have the baby," she whispered as she ran a hand over her stomach.

Derek wasn't sure why he was surprised that Meredith had talked to Christina, but he was. And her words struck a nerve in his own brain as well. "I think she's right," he murmured.

Meredith nodded, staying still for a moment before she shifted, cuddling into him and resting her head against his shoulder. "Is this okay?" she whispered, fisting his shirt in her hands.

"Of course," Derek frowned, planting a kiss to the top of her head before he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "Why wouldn't it be okay?"

"Because we're weird," she whispered. "I hate it, but we're weird.

"I think we're just trying not to hurt each other," Derek sighed. "So we need to be completely honest about this."

"Honest," Meredith whispered. "Okay."

"You want me to go first?" Derek asked.

"Please."

"Okay," he took a deep breath before he shifted so that he could look into her eyes. "I love you, Meredith. More than anything. And I want to live this baby. I can't wait to build our house and really start our life together. I really want you to have this baby because the thought of having a baby with you makes me happier than anything I could ever imagine. It would really make my life complete."

"What else?" Meredith asked, and he briefly wondered when she had become so good at reading him.

Derek inhaled deeply, hoping that he could say this without upsetting her. "I love you," he said. "And I will always love you. But…if we don't go through with this pregnancy, I don't know how it would work."

"What?" Meredith asked, her eyes wide and panicking. "I'll do it, Derek. I'll have this baby, if you're going to leave. I can't do this, Derek, I can't be without you. So if that's what it takes to make sure that you'll stay with me, then I'll do it."

"Mer, that's not what I meant," he said. "I just…we're being honest, and I wanted to make sure that we really are honest. But you can't have this baby because you're afraid of losing me because that's never going to happen. I love you, Meredith, and we're not going to end. Ever. I just meant that things would be awkward for a while between the two of us, and I wasn't sure how that would work. I hate that we've been awkward."

"Me too," she whispered.

"Don't be scared of losing me," Derek whispered. "That's something that will never happen."

"No running," Meredith whispered.

"No running," Derek nodded.

"Now it's my turn," Meredith said, taking a deep breath. "I can think of so many reasons not to do this. Having a baby right now…there's so much in my life right now that's uncertain. And I could probably start listing reasons now of why I'd be a terrible mother, and why this wouldn't work and by the time the baby's born, the list would only be half done. But when I really think about it…I think I really want this baby."

"What are you saying?" Derek asked, holding his breath in anticipation.

"I think I still don't know," Meredith said. "But...it's easier for me to imagine having this baby now than it was a week ago."

"Oh," Derek smiled. "Good."

"So…you're okay with giving me time?" she asked.

"I am," Derek nodded. "You need to think about this. And we know where the other stands, so we can really make sure that we make the right decision. For both of us."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed, slipping under the blankets. "Sleep now?"

"We have to work tomorrow," Derek said as he turned the light out and moved to pull her into his arms.

"The first time since George and Izzie," Meredith nodded against his chest.

"It will be okay," Derek sighed, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I love you."

"I love you too," she breathed. "Good night."

XXXXX

"No!"

Derek was awoken a few hours later to Meredith thrashing in bed, her legs kicking at his shins as her hands tried to fight the sheets off of her. "Mer.."

"No!" she shouted. "I won't do it!"

"Meredith," he breathed, taking her hands and forcing them onto the bed, trying to wake her. "It's okay. Just wake up."

Meredith whimpered slightly, but her eyes fluttered open and she looked into his eyes. Hers were glossy and scared, but she was awake. "Derek."

"Hey," he said, reaching out to cup her face in his hand. "What was that all about?"

"I had a dream," she whispered as a hand went down to her stomach.

"Obviously," Derek nodded, not missing her move. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Izzie and George were there," Meredith whispered. "And there was a baby. On the ground."

"Our baby?" Derek asked softly.

"I think so," Meredith whispered. "But it was…cold. So cold. And I was so excited to see George and Izzie that I didn't even see it. But they wouldn't talk to me. They just kept telling me that the baby was dead because of me. It was my fault."

Derek squeezed her hand, but was silent as he waited for her to continue.

"And then Izzie said that I shouldn't do it," Meredith breathed. "Because even though this baby's not planned, it's still a baby. Our baby. And we love each other, so we don't have the right to kill our baby."

"Is that what you really think?" Derek whispered.

"I…maybe," she sighed. "But then George said that he felt sorry for the baby. Not because it had died, but because it missed out on having an amazing mother."

"I agree with George," Derek whispered.

"Right," Meredith said. "I'm scared, Derek."

"Me too," he nodded. "Terrified."

"But you really think we can do this?"

"I do," Derek nodded, trying to ignore his pounding heart. "Together."

"No running," Meredith said before a soft smile spread across her face. "We should go into work early tomorrow."

"What?" Derek frowned, not following her sudden change in behavior.

"So I can go see Dr. Cooper," Meredith said, referring to the new head of obstetrics. "I figured you'd want the best for our baby."

"You…really?" Derek asked, a wide smile spreading slowly across his face.

"Yes," she nodded.

"And you're sure?" Derek asked. "Because if you're not sure, we can take more time. I can't…if you say this, we can't go back on it. I can't get happy about this if you're not one hundred per cent positive."

"I am," she said, lifting her shirt to look down at her belly. "Say hi to your daddy," she whispered.

"Oh Mer," Derek breathed, kissing her deeply before he moved to rest his head against her stomach. "Hi Baby Shepherd."

"He or she can't hear you."

"Doesn't matter."

"They're the size of a grape."

"A perfect grape."

"You're weird."

"I'm the father of your baby," he frowned. "You can't call me weird."

"I hope my kids aren't weird," she sighed. She looked down at her stomach before she said, "When you're growing try to get Mommy's brain. Because Daddy is crazy and kind of stupid, so…remember to get Mommy's brain."

"You're mean," Derek sighed, pressing his lips to her stomach.

Meredith looked down at him for a moment, burying her fingers in his thick dark hair before she whispered his name.

"Hmm?" he asked, raising his head to meet hers.

"I know it's early," she said. "Really early. But…for names or middle names or something…"

"George for a boy, Isabel for a girl," Derek smiled.

"Middle names," Meredith said. "You're okay with that?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded. "We can wait awhile to figure out first names, but I like that idea."

"Thank you."

"Thank you," Derek breathed. "Mer…this is the most incredible feeling in the world."

"I know," she sighed.

"Are you happy?" he asked.

"I…I will be," she nodded. "I'm still trying to figure this whole happy and sad at the same time thing out."

"Okay," Derek nodded.

"And I was thinking that I might go back to Dr. Wyatt," Meredith added, looking down at her hands.

"Oh," Derek said, his body stiffening.

"Not because of you or because I want to drown myself or anything," Meredith shook her head quickly. "Because I don't, Derek, really. But everything in my life is so big, and I don't want to go back to being dark and twisty."

"Okay," he nodded. "You can talk to me, you know."

"I know," she sighed. "But you're my husband. And Dr. Wyatt knows what she's talking about."

"Are you hinting that I don't know what I'm talking about?" Derek asked.

"Maybe," Meredith giggled.

"Mean," Derek sighed. "Baby Shepherd, don't be mean like your mommy. She likes to make fun of Daddy."

"I love you," Meredith breathed as she settled into his arms and he sighed contentedly as he rubbed her stomach softly. He was having a baby. Really truly having a baby, and he suddenly felt happier than he had since his Post it note wedding.


	10. Chapter 10

When Meredith woke the next morning, her first thought was that she felt more rested now than she had since the night of her non wedding to Derek. The second was that she was having a baby.

She smiled as she turned onto her side to meet her husband's eyes as he smiled down at her with more love than she had ever seen in his eyes before. "Morning," she whispered softly.

"Morning," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her deeply. "How are you feeling? Everything still okay?"

"Good," she sighed, reaching out to run a hand through his hair and bring her other hand to her stomach.

"Good," Derek echoed, leaning in to kiss her again before moving his lips down to her stomach. "Morning Baby Shepherd."

Meredith smiled softly as she looked down at him, his face pressed against the still soft skin of her belly. "Derek," she whispered, tugging gently on his hair to pull him up to look at her.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking up at her with dark eyes, full of love and compassion and excitement.

"I…I want this baby," she said. "I really want this baby, but I'm still trying to work through everything. I know you're really excited but…don't get upset if I'm not excited right away, okay? Because I have a lot going on in my head right now, and I just…I'm going to love this baby. I just can't yet."

Derek nodded. "I get it," he nodded. "And anything you need me to do, I'll do it, Mer. I know you're in over your head right now, and I want to do whatever I can to help you through this."

"You're doing it," Meredith sighed as she rolled him onto his back, sliding her body on top of his. "Being all perfect and McDreamy…it's exactly what I need right now. Just you."

"Good," Derek sighed, running his hands up and down her back, underneath his sweatshirt she was wearing.

"And you know…we're having a baby," she whispered as she pressed a series of kisses to his jawline, moving down his neck.

"So that's what pregnant means," Derek laughed.

"Shut up," Meredith said as she moved his t-shirt over his head. "I was just thinking that we haven't properly celebrated this whole baby thing. And I think we should, because it's big."

"You want to celebrate?" Derek murmured as she nibble gently at the skin on his stomach.

"I do," she smiled as she pulled back and slid her sweatshirt off, followed by her leggings, her naked body on display for him.

"Oh," Derek gasped, his pants tightening as he reached out to stroke one of her breasts. "They're…huge."

Meredith inhaled sharply, his mere touch sending electric shockwaves through her body. "Derek…" she moaned.

"Hmm," Derek sighed as he reached up to take the nipple into his mouth, gently scraping his teeth against the sensitive skin.

"Derek," Meredith gasped, her hands going to his head and holding him against her as she straddled his waist. "Oh God."

"Yes," Derek sighed as he finally released her nipple, looking at her closely for a moment before he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered as she reached down to shove his pajama pants out of the way, smiling as his full, ready erection sprang free. "Hmmm," she sighed as she ran her fingers over the velvety skin.

"Mer," Derek moaned as she straddled him again, gently, moving over his penis as he stiffened beneath her.

"What do you want?" she demanded, pinning his shoulders to the bed as she rocked her hips over him without letting him enter her.

"You," he said. "Please, Mer…"

"Hmm," Meredith smiled, unable to hold herself back any longer either. She slid herself onto him, her walls spreading to accommodate him as she moaned loudly.

"Meredith," he gasped as she clenched her walls around him, holding him in place. "God…"

"God, Derek," Meredith gasped as she began moving over him, bracing herself against the headboard. "You're so big. So big and hard and amazing."

Derek moaned as he reached out to grasp her hips tightly. "Yes," he gasped as she moved even faster over him. "Yes, Meredith!"

"Derek," she gasped, his hips moving frantically against hers as she leaned down to kiss him fiercely. She pulled back to rest her mouth against his ear and whisper "I want you to make me scream."

Derek swallowed hard as her body clenched around him again. "I can do that," he promised as he flipped her onto her back, holding her hands above her head as he drove into her hard, causing her back to arch in pleasure as she felt wave after wave of pleasure wash over her.

"Derek!" she screamed as he reached down to massage her breast. "Oh God!"

"You are so beautiful," he whispered as he stilled inside of her. "And these…" he trailed his hands over her breasts. "Well, these are just amazing."

"Derek," she whimpered as she spread her legs wider, trying to get him to move inside of her.

"So gorgeous," Derek breathed. "God, Mer, I could just keep you like this all day."

"Derek," she pleaded. "Please, I can't…"

"What do you want?" he asked as he looked down at her, and she could feel her entire body heating even more at the smoldering look in his eyes.

"You," she breathed.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, shifting to slip even deeper into her.

"Derek," she gasped. "I want you to fuck me hard with that hard, huge cock of yours. I want you to make me forget my name."

A slow smile spread across Derek's face as he pulled out of her for a moment. "My pleasure," he murmured before slamming back into her, his hips moving frantically against hers as he grunted softly.

"Oh god!" Meredith screamed as she felt herself lose control of her body, her back arching against him as Derek continued to pound into her.

"Mer," he grunted as he slowed his pace slightly, and she wrapped a leg around his waist.

"Please," she gasped, her body tightening around his. "Come, Derek, please."

Derek thrust hard into her a few more times before she felt him spill into her, her own orgasm following his at the same time. "Oh," he breathed as he collapsed on top of her, burying his face between her breasts in the same way he always did after sex.

"Derek," she whispered, panting hard as she ran her fingers through his hair. "Oh…"

"That was amazing," he whispered as he shifted off of her.

"Completely," Meredith breathed. "Derek…wow."

"Was I too rough?" he murmured, reaching out to rub a hand over her stomach.

"No," Meredith whispered. "Just…no more sex for now."

"We have to go to work anyways," Derek sighed. "Do you want me to make breakfast?"

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, her stomach suddenly rolling at the thought of food. "Probably just some cereal or something."

"Is your stomach okay?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, just…no food," she sighed.

"Juice?" Derek asked.

"I…I'll try," Meredith sighed.

"I know it sucks," Derek said. "But you need to eat. For the baby."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "I'll shower first."

"Okay," Derek said, reaching for his robe. "I'll get breakfast ready."

Meredith kissed him lightly before she turned to the shower, closing the door behind her as she leaned against the wall, a delicious ache of pleasure running through her body from their early morning activities. She sighed as she looked down at her stomach, running a hand over it. "Hi baby," she whispered. "Don't be scared. Mommy loves you very much, even if she's still adjusting to the thought of you."

XXXXX

"You look like crap," Christina informed Meredith a couple hours later as she entered the locker room.

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So the McFamily was good?"

"Yeah, they were nice," Meredith sighed. "I really liked them."

"Even the McBitch?"

"Nancy isn't that bad," Meredith shook her head. "When she was here it was…well, Derek and I were awkward. And we're not anymore, so she gets it. And the whole family likes me, which is really good."

"Good," Christina nodded, looking around the empty locker room before she asked, "What about the McBaby?"

"Oh," Meredith said, a hand automatically going to her stomach. "We're keeping her. Or him."

"Let's hope it's a her," Christina rolled her eyes. "Last thing we need is McDreamy Jr. running around here causing trouble."

Meredith smiled as she reached into her purse. "Derek and I came in early," she said. "You want to see pictures?"

"It looks like a peanut," Christina shrugged. "What?" she asked as she looked at Meredith's annoyed expression.

"That's my baby," Meredith replied, snapping the picture out of her hands.

"Fine, a cute peanut," Christina shrugged.

"You're impossible," Meredith informed her.

"Yang, Grey," Bailey called as she stepped into the locker room. "Am I paying you to stand around the locker room.

"No, Dr. Bailey," Christina said as she moved towards the door.

"It's Shepherd," Meredith informed Dr. Bailey as she followed Christina.

"Do I look like I have time to keep up with that kind of stuff?" Bailey raised an eyebrow. "Last thing we need are two Dr. Shepherds in this place. One is more than enough."

"Well…there are two Dr. Greys," Meredith pointed out.

"Why are you still arguing with me?" Bailey demanded. "Go round on my patients and try not to kill anyone."

"Right Dr. Bailey," Christina said.

"On our way," Meredith nodded.

"Oh, and Grey?" Bailey called, causing Meredith to turn and look at her boss expectedly. "Try and make sure that you don't throw up on any of my patients. Keep the morning sickness in the bathroom."

"I…what?" Meredith frowned. She hadn't told anyone besides Christina and Lexie about the baby.

"That husband of yours is walking around the hospital showing off the sonogram picture like it's the first one ever made," Bailey rolled her eyes. "And you might want to do something about that too. Man's too happy for me."

Meredith clenched her fists tightly. She was going to kill her husband. "Of course, Dr. Bailey," she nodded.

"Good," Bailey nodded before she turned and walked away.

"McDreamy's bragging again?" Christina asked as they fell into step together.

"Why are all men idiots?" Meredith asked. "Seriously, does he think I need the Seattle Grace gossip mill talking about my life right now?"

"And there they are," Christina sighed as she saw Derek standing at the nurse's station, Mark and Owen standing on either side of him as they looked down at a piece of paper.

"No one would ever think that they're three of the most brilliant doctors in the country," Meredith said.

"Doctors, maybe," Christina nodded. "But underneath that…they're idiots."

"Hey," Meredith breathed as they reached the three of them. "Can I talk to you?" she asked Derek.

"Sure," he nodded, placing a hand on her back.

"Congratulations, Meredith," Owen nodded as he smiled warmly at her. "We need a little happiness around here right now."

"Oh," Meredith said, her hand tightening on Derek's arm. "Um…thanks."

"Congrats, Big Grey," Mark nodded as he reached out to squeeze her shoulder. "Lex and I are happy for you."

"And now Mark's going to convince Lexie to have a baby," Derek laughed. "Because that's what I'm doing."

"Shut up," Mark rolled his eyes as he grabbed a chart and made his way down the hall.

"What's up?" Derek asked, leaning against the counter as Owen and Christina walked in the opposite direction.

"You're telling everyone about the baby," Meredith stated.

"I didn't tell everyone," Derek defended.

"Bailey knew, Derek," she sighed. "Bailey."

"Well…Bailey's our friend."

"She's my boss," Meredith replied. "And when I get lectured about making sure I don't throw up on patients, it doesn't make me excited to be working with her for the next nine months."

"Okay first of all, I didn't realize we weren't telling people," Derek started. "Second… your morning sickness hasn't even been that bad and third, there's no way you're working until the end of your pregnancy."

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked, narrowing her eyes. If Derek thought that he was going to be able to boss her around because she was pregnant, he had another thing coming.

"I'm not trying to tell you want to do," Derek said softly, as if reading her mind. "But you're going to be exhausted, Mer. I don't think you'll want to work. But if you do want to work…you can keep working until the minute your water breaks."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed, leaning into him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't realize that you didn't want to tell people."

"It's okay," she sighed. "I didn't really think about it. But now everyone knows."

"Are you okay with that?" Derek asked softly.

"I have to be," she shrugged. "I um…I'm going to go see Dr. Wyatt at lunch today."

"Okay," Derek said with a supportive smile. "Come find me after you're done if you need me."

"I will," she promised as she pulled back from him. "Any interesting cases today?"

"I've got a subdural hematoma," Derek sighed. "Seventeen year old girl fell off a horse."

"Oh," Meredith said as she reached around him to look at the chart. "It doesn't look too bad."

"Surgery shouldn't be too difficult," Derek sighed. "Her parents are freaking out, and the mom thinks that she'll be better off if she doesn't have the surgery."

"Oh," Meredith nodded.

"Once we can convince them to let her have surgery, she'll be fine," Derek said. "You want in?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded. "Christina's with Owen, and plastics is completely boring, so…"

"There's my girl," Derek laughed. "What time are you off tonight?"

"Six," Meredith nodded.

"I'm off at five," he sighed. "I called a contractor this morning, made an appointment for tomorrow morning, but I might stop in while I'm waiting for you to get off so I can make it clear how important it is that wee get the house done as soon as possible."

"Okay," Meredith smiled. "But…no planning without me?"

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "Our house. We'll make decisions together."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed.

"We'll go out to dinner tonight," Derek promised. "And decide on everything we want and have it ready for tomorrow."

"Okay," Meredith said as she looked down at her feet.

"You okay with all of this?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said with a soft smile. "It just feels weird knowing that I'm not going to run into George or Izzie right now. And I just really want to tell them about the baby."

"So tell them," Derek suggested gently.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "I can't do this right now."

"I'm serious, Mer," he said. "When I lived in New York, I went to see Dad multiple times a week to tell him what was going on in my life. It helped me miss him less."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. She could do that. It wouldn't be the same, but she could go to the cemetery to tell George and Izzie about the baby. Maybe it would help her move on.


	11. Chapter 11

Derek sighed as he paused momentarily over the brain exposed in front of him. The aneurysm had taken longer than he had thought to remove, and he was starting to fear that he may not make it to Meredith's ultrasound appointment. She'd reminded him about twelve times during the drive into work, and he knew that she was still freaking out about the baby. Over the past month, she'd learned to move on from her grief of losing George and Izzie, and he knew that she was starting to get excited about the baby. He was doing his best to give her as much support as she needed, but he couldn't ignore his own bubbling excitement at the prospect of being a father. And Meredith was about to see their baby's heartbeat for the first time, and he refused to miss that, even if it meant leaving surgery early.

"Dr. Yang, what time is it?" he asked as he looked up from the brain before him to meet the eyes of his wife's best friend.

"Twelve twenty five," Christina replied.

"Hmm," Derek nodded, stepping back from the operating table. "Would you like to close, Dr. Yang?"

"Seriously?" Christina asked as she stepped forward.

"Seriously," Derek laughed. "I have to go see my baby. Meredith is probably upstairs already."

"Right," Christina nodded. "Of course, Dr. Shepherd."

"Thank you, Dr. Yang," Derek said before he moved to the scrub room, quickly washing his hands before making his way to the elevators.

"Dr. Shepherd," the receptionist outside the exam rooms smiled at him. "The other Dr. Shepherd just went into exam room one. Dr. Cooper should be in momentarily, but you can go ahead in."

"Thank you," Derek smiled as he made his way into the exam room. "Hey," he smiled at his wife.

"Hi," Meredith giggled from her spot on the exam room table. "You made it. I wasn't sure if you would."

"I did," he smiled as he pressed his lips against hers and reached down to link their fingers together. "How's baby?"

"Baby's good," she sighed. "Mommy…not so much. Apparently pregnancy means misery."

"What's wrong?" he frowned. "Are you okay? Are you cramping? Bleeding? Why didn't you page me?"

"I'm fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just…sick. It's completely normal, but it sucks. A lot."

"You weren't sick this morning," Derek frowned.

"Well, apparently our baby isn't going to be a doctor," Meredith sighed. "Because he or she hates the smell of blood."

"What happened?" Derek asked.

"I got kicked out of the OR," Meredith sighed. "Apparently throwing up in the scrub room means that you can't operate. According to Hunt."

"Well, hopefully that won't last for the entire pregnancy," Derek sighed.

There was a knock on the door, and Dr. Cooper stepped in, glancing down at the chart in her hands with a wide smile. "Hello Drs. Shepherd," she smiled. "I understand we've got an addition to the world of neurosurgery on the way."

"We'll see," Meredith giggled.

"Would we like to do the ultrasound first?" Dr. Cooper asked as she sat down behind the computer.

"Please," Derek and Meredith said together.

"I figured as much," Dr. Cooper smiled.

Meredith sighed as she lifted her shirt up under her breasts, unzipping her pants so that Dr. Cooper could spread the cool gel over her stomach.

"Alright," Dr. Cooper smiled as she ran the probe over Meredith's stomach. "There's the baby."

"Oh," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes as she saw the tiny image on the screen. "Derek, look."

"There's our baby," Derek smiled, squeezing her hand tightly as he leaned into her. "Our baby, Mer."

"Can we…it's too early to hear the heartbeat, isn't it?" Meredith frowned.

"A bit," Dr. Cooper sighed, looking down at Meredith's chart. "You're not quite eight weeks yet."

"Okay," Meredith sighed.

"But one of the benefits of working in a hospital means that in a week or so you can come up when you have a moment just to hear it," Dr. Cooper continued.

"We will definitely be doing that," Derek nodded.

"Alright, everything looks good," Dr. Cooper nodded. "About seven and a half weeks, approximate due date of February twelfth."

"February," Meredith frowned. "That's…so far."

"Another thirty two weeks," Dr. Cooper smiled. "But, as you know, first time moms are commonly late."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, looking at her husband for a moment. "Derek?"

"Mer," he breathed, tears streaming down his cheeks. He wasn't sure how, but he was feeling happy, terrified, and worried all at the same time. "Baby."

"That's our baby," Meredith giggled. "Our baby."

"Baby," Derek repeated. He knew he should be saying more, he should be telling Meredith how much he loved her and asking Dr. Cooper what they should be doing to ensure that everything would be okay.

"Are you going to say anything else?" Meredith asked, her eyes sparkling at him.

"I can't…" Derek shook his head. "A baby."

"I know," Meredith smiled, holding his head close to hers. "Our baby."

"I'll give you two some privacy," Dr. Cooper she said. "I'll leave some print outs of the ultrasound with your chart at the desk, so don't forget to pick them up."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed.

As soon as they were alone, Derek moved to sit on the exam table with Meredith, holding her close to him. "Baby," he whispered. "We're having a baby."

"Derek," Meredith breathed, cupping his face in her hands. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he sighed, inhaling deeply as he tried to hold his tears back. "I just…I don't know, but suddenly it's…"

"Real?" Meredith suggested, reading his mind like she somehow had become so good at.

Derek nodded, leaning in to kiss her again. "Thank you," he whispered. "I know you're scared, Meredith, I know you're still not sure about this. But thank you. For doing this, for being so brave. For giving me a baby."

"Oh, Derek," she breathed, reaching out to take his hand and place it against her stomach that had the slightest of swells, one that only she and Derek had been able to notice. "I was never…I don't think I could have done it."

"Really?" Derek asked softly, wondering if Meredith felt this vulnerable every time she had asked for his reassurance that he loved her or that everything would work out okay.

"Really," Meredith nodded. "I really…when I first found out, I was sure I couldn't do this. It had only been a couple weeks since that day, and for a couple days I really thought that I was going to do it. But deep down, even if I had made the appointment and gone to the clinic…I don't think I would have gone through with it. This is our baby, Derek. Part of me and you."

"I know," Derek whispered, his hand cupping the gentle swell of her stomach. "I'm so excited."

"Me too," Meredith breathed.

"You are?" Derek asked, his eyes shining with happiness.

"I am," she giggled as her hand fell beside his. "I still have a lot to work through. But Dr. Wyatt says that the baby is something to be happy about. Even if I'm not sure how I feel about anything else in my life, I can be happy about the baby."

"And you are?" Derek asked.

"I am," she nodded. "I promise."

"Good," Derek said, pressing his forehead against hers.

"I love you."

"I love you too," Derek breathed, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "Want to go home?"

"What about work?" Meredith asked.

"You threw up in surgery," Derek said. "I don't have any more surgeries today. We can play hookey."

"I don't think the Chief will approve."

"So we'll call you out on being sick," Derek shrugged. "Come on, Mer, this is the last place I want to be right now."

"Me too," she admitted softly.

"Let's go," Derek said, pulling her to her feet.

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked.

"Home," Derek said, squeezing her hand tightly.

"Derek, it's sunny," Meredith stated. "In Seattle. If we're going to take the day off, we might as well do something outside."

"Just wait and see," Derek promised, tugging on her hand. "Let's go."

Meredith giggled as she followed him out the door, and Derek's heart skipped a beat at the sound. She was happy again. She was happy, and he was going to do his best to make sure she stayed that way.

XXXXX

An hour later, with Meredith's hand still clutched tightly in his own, Derek stopped outside the foundation of their house, where there was already cement lining the whole in the ground that had been dug a few weeks before.

"What are we doing?" Meredith asked as she turned to look at him.

"We," Derek announced, holding up the cooler in his hands. "Are going to have a picnic."

"A picnic?" Meredith repeated. "Seriously?"

"Yes," Derek laughed. "What's wrong with that?"

"Besides the fact that it's corny and lame?"

"It's not corny and lame," Derek shook his head. "You said you wanted to be outside. So we're having a picnic at our house."

"It's not actually a house," Meredith pointed out as she settled down beside him on the ground.

"Fine," Derek rolled his eyes. "A picnic at our basement."

"Our basement," she giggled as she looked down at the large foundation of their house. "We have a basement."

"And next week we'll have a foundation," Derek nodded as he handed her a sandwich.

"Thanks," she sighed as she unwrapped it, tearing the crusts off of it before she turned to look at him. "Der?"

"Yeah?" he asked as he unwrapped his own sandwich.

"It's been two months," she whispered.

"Oh," Derek said, lowering his sandwich to his lap to look at her closely. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," Meredith sighed. "I want to be."

"But you're not?"

"I'm…trying," she said. "That's what I've been talking to Dr. Wyatt about."

"What?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he reached for her hand.

"About…how to be happy and move on without feeling incredibly guilty."

"You feel guilty?" Derek frowned.

"For being happy," Meredith sighed. "Because they're dead, and sometimes it just doesn't feel right to be happy about anything."

"I know," Derek said softly.

"But today," Meredith whispered. "I was so excited about hearing the heartbeat, and then when we saw it…all I could feel was complete happiness. Happiness and perfection and…love."

"Love?" Derek breathed.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "I know I told you that it was going to take time for me to love this baby, but now…I think I do. I know I do."

"Good," Derek said as he shifted to rest his head in her lap.

"But it's still hard," Meredith whispered. "I mean…how am I supposed to go on without feeling like part of me is missing?"

"You'll learn to live with it," Derek nodded. "I know it sounds harsh, but eventually… the pain will fade. It will still be there a little, but you'll be able to remember the happy times instead of just the grief you felt at first."

"I hope so," Meredith breathed as she ran her fingers through his hair. "I'm still scared."

"Of being a mom?" Derek asked, looking up at her.

"Sometimes," she nodded. "But more scared of losing you."

"Mer that…"

"Don't say it won't happen," she shook her head. "Because it could. George probably thought he would never get hit by a bus."

"Meredith," Derek said softly. "You have to stop thinking like that. You can't live your life in fear."

"I'm not," she shook her head. "I just wonder sometimes. Like the dream."

"Dream?" Derek frowned. Meredith rarely dreamed.

"Oh," she sighed. "I guess I never told you."

"Told me what?" Derek asked.

"When we first got back together," she said. "I had this dream all the time. I was still standing here, waiting in this very spot, waiting for you to come back to the candles. And they were all blowing out, and then Christina called and said…" her eyes filled with tears and he knew that whatever happened in this dream was clearly traumatizing to her.

"What happened, Mer?" he asked.

"You were the one that was hit by a bus," Meredith whispered, clinging tightly to him. "And just as I got to the hospital, Bailey was calling your time of death."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed. "I know exactly how that feels." The day of the ferryboat crash was still seared in his memory forever, and he could still feel the pain of thinking that he had lost Meredith forever.

"It just all felt so real," Meredith whispered.

"I know," he sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "But I can promise that if anything ever does happen to me, I'm going to fight like hell not to leave you. Or the baby."

"Promise?" she whispered softly.

"Definitely," Derek nodded.

"I promise too," she added.

"Good," Derek said.

"Alex is still a mess," Meredith sighed. "He came back to work, but…"

"Mark said he had to leave in the middle of the day," Derek sighed.

"I think…I think that's part of the reason I fought this for so long," Meredith whispered. "I mean, there was the whole hiding your wife thing and the walking away thing and the nurse thing, but…I was scared of having something to lose."

"You never had anything to lose before," Derek nodded in understanding. His wife never failed to amaze him. Her entire life had been spent under a banner of avoidance, but now, here she was telling him things that she had never even realized.

"Exactly," she nodded. "It's another thing I'm do with Dr. Wyatt."

"I'm glad you have her," Derek said softly. "But I'm also glad you're talking to me."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the sunlight. "Do you think the house will really be done before the baby comes?"

"I hope so," he sighed. "But if not…things will be interesting for awhile."

"You mean the baby in the trailer?" Meredith giggled.

"There's the giggle," Derek said with a smile. "God, I love that sound."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "We've…there's a lot going on in my head right now, Derek, but there's one thing that I'm sure of."

"What's that?" Derek asked, shifting so he looked up at her.

"You," she shrugged. "That I love you and this is forever, and that we're going to be good parents to this baby. And whoever else comes along. In the very far away future."

Derek blinked back tears at her honest words. "I love you too," he whispered, leaning up to press his lips against hers. "Forever."


	12. Chapter 12

"Meredith!" she heard her sister call as she made her way down the hallway towards the intern locker room.

"Hey Lex," she smiled as she turned to look at her. "What's up? I'm about to leave, but I have a few minutes."

"Mark proposed," Lexie blurted out. "I'm engaged, Meredith. Actually engaged, and getting married. To Mark. Which I know is a little weird because he's like fifteen years older than me, and he's like a brother to Derek, who's my brother now, but…I'm engaged."

"Oh Lexie," Meredith sighed as she leaned in to hug her sister. "That's fantastic. I'm so happy for you."

"And the wedding's not going to be for a long time, but I wanted to ask if you'd be my maid of honor," Lexie asked.

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "Me? What about Molly? You grew up with her, she's your real sister."

"Molly will be a bridesmaid," Lexie shrugged. "But to be honest…I'm closer to you than I am to her. And I really want you to be there for me. And Derek's the best man, so it's perfect."

Meredith looked at her sister closely for a moment before she smiled widely. "Of course I'll be your maid of honor," she said.

"Thanks Mer," Lexie breathed as she wrapped her arms around her sister.

"As long as you promise not to make me walk down the aisle looking like an elephant," Meredith said as she ran a hand over her stomach.

"The wedding won't be for awhile," Lexie nodded. "After all, I have to make sure that my flower girl or ring bearer is born before I get married. We're waiting for a long time."

"Then I'll definitely do it," Meredith smiled. "Look, I'm really sorry, Lex, but I have to get home. It's Derek's birthday and I have to get things ready before he gets home, but we'll talk later, okay?"

"Of course," Lexie smiled, giving her another quick hug. "You look amazing, Mer, I'm glad to see that you're doing better."

"Today's a good day," Meredith shrugged. "I've been having a lot of those lately. I guess I'm finally moving on."

"Well, I hope they're all going to be good from now on," Lexie smiled. "Derek's coming, do you want me to distract him?"

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's even more annoying than usual. Apparently since I'm carrying his baby it's okay for him to be hovery and overprotective. He's such an idiot."

"It's what dads do," Lexie giggled as Derek came up behind Meredith, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Hi, Derek. Happy birthday."

"Thanks, Lex," Derek said. "Mark told me your news. Congratulations. I guess you're the next Shepherd Sister."

"Thanks," Lexie giggled as she looked down at her beeping pager. "I've got to go, I'll see you both later."

"Bye Lexie," Meredith sighed as she leaned into her husband, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked.

"Good," she smiled. "Second trimester. Not so much throwing up or having to pee every five seconds."

"Well, we can be thankful for that," Derek said, placing his hands on her hips. "And you know…I'm in between surgeries right now."

"Oh, you are?" Meredith asked, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her body against his.

"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded. "And it is my birthday. My first birthday when we're together, really together."

"You're officially old," Meredith giggled. "Forty."

"That was mean," Derek frowned. "Here I was, trying to have birthday sex in my office, and you're calling me old."

"You do have a lot of stamina for an old man," she giggled. "But no sex. Not right now."

"No sex?" Derek frowned. "But it's my birthday."

Meredith sighed as she pressed her lips against his. "Fine," she said. "I'll give you a choice."

"I like choices," Derek murmured.

"We can have a quickie in your office right now," she murmured. "Or you can come home tonight and have as much as you want tonight. It's totally up to you…birthday boy."

"As much as I want?" he asked.

"Mmmhmm," she nodded. "Including lingerie. And candles. And whipped cream. And blindfolds."

"Well," Derek swallowed hard, and she giggled as she felt his erection pressing into her stomach. "I think I'm going to have to go for option number two. Throw in some tying up, and we're golden."

"Good," Meredith giggled.

Derek opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of his pager beeping loudly from his hip. "Damn, I've got to take this," he sighed, pressing his lips to hers one last time before moving down the hall. "I'll call you when I'm on my way home!"

Meredith smiled as she watched him disappear down the hall before she turned to push the door to the locker room open. She was now twelve weeks pregnant, and was finally finding herself happy again. It had taken a lot of time and energy for her to get as happy as she had been before George and Izzie had died. As she'd talked things out with Derek and felt her baby begin to grow inside of her, she knew that she would never be able to forget what George and Izzie had meant to her. They'd each helped her to become the healthy, happy person she was today, and she knew that neither one of them would want her to live like this. She was having a baby and building a house, and she knew that she still had so much to live for, and she couldn't live frozen in time anymore. They would want her to move on with her life.

There were still times, moments, really, in which she still felt completely overwhelmed by the fact that her child would never know her Aunt Izzie and Uncle George, but she had learned to handle those moments more easily. Instead of completely shutting down, she was able to remember happy times with her friends, and make sure that she would tell her baby how much their aunt and uncle would have loved him or her. She would honor their memory, but not grieve over them forever.

She smiled as she pulled up to the trailer, stepping out of the car to move towards the shell of their house. Derek had to work late, so she told him that he would meet the contractor for the walk through before she started preparing his birthday surprise. She couldn't wait for tonight, it was not only his birthday surprise, but also her way of thanking him for being amazing and perfect while she had been completely messed up, and it was going to be amazing.

XXXXX

Three hours later, Meredith sat curled on the tiny porch in front of the trailer, smiling widely as Derek's car pulled up beside hers. He was smiling widely as he approached her, and she stood to meet him in front of the trailer, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed him deeply. "Hi," she whispered when she finally pulled back and rested her forehead against his.

"Hi," he smiled, running his hands up and down her back.

"How was your surgery?" she murmured.

"Routine," he shrugged. "Patient lived, no complications."

"Good," she smiled.

"I missed my favorite resident, though."

"Your favorite resident was making sure your house was progressing well," she giggled.

"And?" Derek asked as he glanced through the trees to where their house sat.

"Come on," she giggled, taking his hand and leading him away from the trailer. "We have walls, Der. Walls."

"That's pretty exciting," Derek laughed.

"There isn't a ceiling yet," she sighed. "Or a second floor. But we can see where the rooms are going to be."

"Amazing," Derek nodded.

"See," she smiled as she pulled him up the steps and through the cut in the wall that would one day be their front door. "Here's the office," she said, pulling him to the left, in front of the stairs. "And this is the downstairs guest room and bathroom," she said, pointing across the hall. "The dining room. And the kitchen, which has the counters and everything. And here is the living room." She smiled as she pulled him into the living room, looking out over the candles, blankets, and food laid out over the floor of their hollowed out living room.

"Oh, Mer," he breathed as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "Birthday surprise?"

"You like it?" she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck as she smiled up at him.

"I love it," he said, pressing his lips against hers. "You're the most amazing wife ever."

"I'm glad," she sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said, pressing his lips against the top of her head.

"There's one more room down here," she whispered, knowing that this room would probably mean the most to him in the entire house.

"Really?" Derek asked, reaching down to run a hand through her hair.

"Come here," she smiled, tugging on his hand and leading him through another door off the living room. "This is the playroom," she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Oh," Derek breathed, moving a hand to her stomach. "Hear that, Baby Shepherd? This is where we're going to keep all your toys. And Mommy and Daddy will play with you in here."

Meredith smiled as she trailed her own hand over her stomach. "She says thank you, Daddy."

"She?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows. "Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No," Meredith giggled. "Sorry, that just slipped out. Baby's not big enough for us to know whether it's a he or a she yet."

"I know," Derek nodded. "But according to my sisters, moms usually have a feeling as to whether it's a boy or a girl."

"I don't," she shrugged. "Not really."

"Hmm," Derek nodded as he led her back to the living room where she had laid blankets and pillows around a cluster of candles. "I love this, Mer," he whispered. "But what happens if it rains?"

"I'm prepared," she smiled, moving to the corner of the room. "I found your tent."

"I can't believe you did this," he sighed as he pulled her back to him. "Are you warm enough?"

"It's August, Derek," she smiled. "I'm pretty sure if I'm uncomfortable with the temperature, it's because it's eighty degrees and a hundred per cent humidity."

"Just making sure," Derek said. "There's two of you for me to take care of now."

"I know," Meredith smiled as she settled onto the floor. "But we're fine."

"Good," Derek said as he reached for the bottle that sat beside the cooler. "You bought sparkling grape juice?"

"I can't have wine," she shrugged as she held the glasses out for him to pour the juice. "This is the same principle."

"It's perfect," Derek nodded.

"Do you realize that it was over a year ago that I made the house of candles?" Meredith asked as she leaned into him.

"Best year of my life."

"Don't be corny," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm not," Derek shook his head. "Seriously, Mer. So much has happened in this year, but we've handled it together. It's been amazing. I've loved handling everything with you by my side, good and bad. And I can't wait to do it for the rest of my life."

"The next sixty years?" Meredith smiled.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"Oh," Meredith shook her head as she looked down at her hands. "When we were… during the sex and mockery, when you wanted to go to wine country, you gave me this big speech about houses and babies and dying in my arms when you're one hundred and ten."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "I remember."

"It freaked me out," she admitted. "But now…now it sounds amazing."

"I'm glad," Derek said, pressing his lips against the side of her head. "One hundred and ten."

They were silent for a moment before Derek squeezed her gently. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

"I'm just glad that we're here," she said. "I'm so happy that you didn't give up on me, Derek. And I couldn't think of anything that would make my life better than it is."

"Nothing?" Derek asked, and she knew he was thinking about what she would give to have her friends back.

"Nothing," she shook her head. "I miss George and Izzie, Derek. I always will. But right now, we're having a baby. We're married and having a baby and building a house. I've got a great job and good friends. There's not much else I can ask for."

"I'm glad you're happy again," Derek smiled. "I like when you're happy."

"I like being happy," she said, lacing her fingers through his. "Lexie and Mark are getting married."

"They are," Derek shook his head. "Mark Sloan, settling down. I never thought I'd see the day."

"I bet you and Mark never thought you'd end up with sisters either," she said as she moved to sit on his lap.

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "But we got the best set of sisters in the world."

"If you don't stop with the corniness, I might divorce you," she murmured.

"You couldn't," Derek said, running a hand through his hair.

"Well…I'd want to," she sighed. "But you're right."

"Definitely no divorce," he whispered.

"Derek?" she whispered, fingering his t-shirt slightly.

"Hmm?"

"When you and Addison were first married," she whispered, feeling him tense beneath her. "Did you ever feel like this?"

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "I loved her, Mer. I wouldn't have married her if I didn't. But we just…we were more friends than we were husband and wife. And I never felt for her what I feel for you."

"But you probably never thought you'd get divorced," she whispered, wondering where this sudden vulnerability was coming from. She'd thought that she'd let go of her insecurities about Addison a long time ago.

"We didn't," Derek said. "But we also didn't expect to find out that we weren't really that suited for each other. And I definitely never expected her to sleep with Mark."

Meredith nodded as she kissed him softly. "I won't sleep with anyone else," she nodded. "Especially Mark."

Derek laughed slightly. "I kind of already assumed that," he said. "But it's good to know."

Meredith smiled as she crawled off of his lap. "I have something for you," she said as she reached for the cooler.

"Is this the birthday sex I was promised?" he asked.

"Not yet," Meredith smiled. "This is from Baby."

"Baby got me a present?"

"Yep," Meredith said as she turned back to him, a small cake clutched in her hands. "Happy birthday, Der."

"Oh Mer," Derek smiled as he reached out to blow the single candle out. "Thank you."

"Thank Baby," Meredith giggled. "And you totally can't complain that it's chocolate cake with chocolate frosting because it's what your baby wanted."

"And I'm sure that Mommy had no complaints," Derek laughed.

"Hey, Mommy's just trying to take care of Baby," Meredith giggled as she reached out to cut herself generous slice of cake. "And what Baby wants, Baby gets."

"Definitely," Derek said as he cut his own slice. "I love you. Both of you."

"We love you too," Meredith said as she reached for his hand and placed it on her stomach.

"You're starting to show," Derek said softly.

"Don't remind me," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"No one else will notice," Derek assured her. "Just me, and because I know your body by heart."

"Well, pretty soon I'm going to look like a cow," Meredith said as she shifted to lean her head on his lap.

"You'll be a cute cow," Derek smiled as he ran a hand through her hair.

"Thanks, Der," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just what every pregnant woman wants to hear."

"It's true," Derek laughed, leaning down to kiss her softly.

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him again, reveling in the moment. She was nestled into her husband's arms, her baby safe and warm inside of her as they spent their first night in their house. This was perfect.


	13. Chapter 13

Derek smiled as he stood at the sink in the trailer, looking out beyond the trees to his house. The roof was up now, and the siding was going on next. The day before, he and Meredith had walked through the entire thing, seen every room and she had immediately dragged him into town to pick up more samples of paint, wallpaper, and tiles than he'd imagined possible. She'd also piled in lighting and plumbing fixtures, then dragged him to the furniture store across the street to grab piles of magazines to furnish every room in the house. She was now lying on the bed, dressed in only a pair of his boxers and one of her new bras, her hand resting on the swell of her belly as she flipped through paint samples. He bent down to stick the lasagna into the oven before he turned to join her on the bed.

"How's it coming?" he asked.

"Good," she smiled. "We decided on white walls for the office, right? And the dining room?"

"We did," he smiled. "And blue for our room."

"Mint green for the nursery."

"What are you thinking now?"

"The guest room," she sighed. "Your mom will probably be the one who stays there the most, what color would she want it?"

"You know my mom, Mer, she wouldn't dream of telling us what color to paint our house," he said, taking her hand. "Although she'd be thrilled to know that you're willing to give her a room in the house."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "I'm thinking tan."

"Tan works."

"And the floors," she sighed. "We decided on hardwood, right? For the hall and the kitchen and the dining room. But the bedrooms and the living room and the playroom still need to be decided."

"Mer," he frowned, reaching out to take the pile of carpet samples from her hands. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she nodded, reaching for the samples again. "Really fine, not Meredith fine. I promise."

"You're obsessing," Derek observed.

"No I'm not," she shook her head as she reached for her notebook. "Tan carpet in the guest bedroom."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment. She'd been doing amazing over the past few months, being the happy woman he had spent the last year with again. She'd been thrilled to hear the baby's heartbeat, and now that she was well into her second trimester, she was feeling better and completely throwing herself into the house. He'd thought at first that she was just excited about how quickly the house was coming along, but now he was wondering if there was something else that was bothering her that was making her distract herself with the house.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure," she nodded as she held up another piece of off white carpet. "For the living room?"

"White's probably not the best idea with kids," he murmured. "They track dirt through the house."

"Right," she nodded. "Okay, how about we put tan in there as well? And blue in the playroom?"

"Sounds good," Derek nodded. "Mer…"

"Derek, I'm fine," she snapped, and he winced, knowing that he had pushed her too far and the hormones were about to snap. "I'm trying to make sure we have everything in our house planned so that we can meet all the deadlines and move in as soon as possible. I'm trying to do this for you because you're the head of neurosurgery and you're completely busy and don't have time to deal with this. So I'm dealing with it, and you have to stop asking me if I'm fine, otherwise I might kill you. So please just leave me alone."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "You're right."

"Now you're humoring me," she rolled her eyes as she threw the carpet samples onto the floor.

"I'm not humoring you," Derek shook his head. "Thank you, Mer. I'm glad you're doing this for me."

"Fine," she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"So…what color carpet do you want in our room?" Derek asked, hoping that she would accept his peace offering.

"I don't care," she murmured, not looking at him.

"Mer…" Derek sighed. "Don't do this."

"I don't want to seem obsessive," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I guess our house won't be carpeted or have any toilets or painted walls."

"I didn't mean it like that," Derek sighed.

"You know what, maybe you should just stop talking," she snapped. "I don't want to listen to this right now."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Fine," he said. Maybe he could dig himself out of this hole if he stopped now.

"And sleep on the couch tonight."

"We don't actually have a couch," Derek frowned. "Not one that's big enough for me to sleep on."

"Maybe you should have thought of that before you called me obsessive," she said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Don't cry," Derek whispered, reaching out to wipe the moisture from her cheeks, frowning when she pushed him away.

"Don't touch me," she said. "Just…go somewhere. I can't even look at you right now, just go."

"Fine," Derek sighed, getting out of bed and moving towards the kitchen table, reaching for some paperwork from his bag. He wasn't sure how Meredith had gotten so mad at him just for asking if she was okay, but he wasn't going to ask now. If there was one thing he'd learned over the past few weeks, it was that his wife was either completely happy or completely angry, and he knew he should just stop talking altogether to keep himself out of trouble.

After a few minutes, Meredith appeared in front of him with a scowl on her face. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Um…working?" Derek suggested, wondering if that was the wrong answer and praying it wasn't.

"Seriously?" she asked. "Seriously." Okay, apparently that was the wrong answer. He cringed in anticipation of her yelling.

"Is there something you'd like me to do?" he asked, tilting his head to the side and offering her the fool proof McDreamy smile.

"Don't give me the McDreamy look," she snapped. Apparently it didn't have the same effect on pregnant Meredith.

"Sorry," he coughed. "What do you need me to do? Are you hungry? Thirsty? I can run to the store…"

"Here," she said, slamming a pile of carpet samples onto the table. "Since I'm so obsessive, you should be the one to pick everything out. Just make sure you don't mess it up."

"Mer, we should do it together," Derek said. "Please?"

"Just do it," she snapped. "And make sure you don't pick out anything ugly."

Derek swallowed hard as he watched her storm back into the bedroom, raising his eyes to the sky for a moment before he took a deep breath and began to flip through the samples, praying that he would pick the right ones.

As he carefully selected a light blue carpet for their bedroom and a pale yellow for the nursery, he heard Meredith gasp loudly from the bedroom. He dropped the samples and moved quickly to the bed, looking at her closely.

"Mer?" he asked. "Are you okay? Are you in pain? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No," she shook her head, smiling widely at him as tears filled her eyes. "I felt it, Derek."

"Felt what?" he asked. "Pain? Cramping?"

"No," she shook her head, laughing slightly. "The baby. I felt the baby move."

"You felt our baby move?" Derek asked, reaching a hand out to her stomach.

"Yeah," she breathed, moving his hand to the other side of her stomach. "I don't think you'll be able to feel it, it was really soft."

"What did it feel like?" he asked.

"I don't know," she breathed. "Like…it's swimming or something."

"Swimming?" Derek asked.

"Inside me," Meredith nodded. "It sounds weird I know, but I don't know how else to describe it."

"I wish I could feel it," Derek frowned, both of his hands moving to cup her slightly swollen belly.

"You will," she smiled, running a hand through his hair. "Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"It's okay," Derek smiled. "You're pregnant, Mer. You're allowed to be a little cranky."

"We can pick stuff out together," she nodded. "And you're right, I was being a little obsessive."

"Okay," Derek nodded, knowing that he needed to tread carefully. "Do you know why?"

Meredith sighed as she moved into his arms. "I just want out house to be homey," she whispered.

"It will be," Derek nodded. "It's home, Mer."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But your mom's house is so warm and happy and loving. And my house…my old house…it's musty. And George said it wasn't homey."

"George said that?" Derek frowned.

"When your mom came to visit," Meredith nodded. "And Izzie fixed it, but he was right. That house was dark and boring and old. I want our house to be perfect. That's why I need to make sure everything's right. Because I'm doing this family thing for the first time, and I want our kids to have a homey house."

"It will be," Derek nodded, kissing her softly. "We're a family, Mer. That means that our house will be homey."

"I hope so," she whispered.

"It will be," he said. "I promise."

"Did you pick anything out?" she whispered.

"I did," Derek nodded. "But we should do it together."

"Let me see," she sighed as she pushed herself off of him, moving to grab the carpet samples from the table.

"Well, I thought this light blue for our room," he said. "And yellow for the nursery."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "I like the blue. But maybe…white for the nursery? I know white doesn't really go with kids, but it's the baby's room, so they won't be dirty or anything, so white would work, right? It would go better with the green walls."

"You're right," Derek nodded. "White's good."

"Good," Meredith smiled. "You think we'll really be able to move in by Christmas?"

"I hope so," Derek laughed. "Mom's coming out, I'd hate to make her sleep on the hammock outside."

"Yes, that would be bad," Meredith giggled.

Derek squeezed her hand as he reached for his ringing phone. "Speaking of the devil," he smiled as he put speaker phone on. "Hi, Mom."

"Hi sweetheart," Carolyn's voice filled the trailer. "How are you?"

"I'm good," Derek said. "You're on speaker."

"Hi Mom," Meredith said softly as she moved closer to Derek.

"Hello Meredith," Carolyn said. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good," she said.

"Hormonal," Derek added.

"Don't make fun of your wife, Derek," Carolyn said. "She's carrying your child."

"Yeah," Meredith smirked at him. "Don't make fun of your wife."

Derek rolled his eyes. "How are you, Mom?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm just fine," Carolyn said. "I was just wondering how Meredith was feeling and how the house is coming along."

"I'm great," Meredith assured her. "I just felt the baby move."

"That's a wonderful feeling, isn't it?" Carolyn asked. "I remember it as if it was yesterday."

"It's amazing," Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over her stomach. "It's moving so much."

"Well, Derek was the busiest out of all my babies," Carolyn said. "So chances are your baby will be just as busy."

"Great," Meredith sighed. "Thanks, Derek."

"Hey, you could have been busier than me," Derek frowned.

"Well, I don't know that," she shrugged. "And it would be your fault anyways."

"Of course," Derek rolled his eyes.

"And the house?" Carolyn prompted.

"It's amazing," Derek said.

"We have a roof," Meredith nodded against Derek's chest.

"Well, that's something every house needs," Carolyn laughed. "Now, I've just gotten a phone call from Mark and Lexie."

"They just told you?" Derek frowned.

"Well, yes," Carolyn said. "I assumed that you already knew."

"They got engaged over a month ago," Derek said. "I thought he would have called you right away."

"You would have thought that," Carolyn sighed. "In any case, I wanted to run something by you."

"Of course, Mom," Derek said.

"I'll be coming out for Christmas," Carolyn said. "And Lexie asked me to help her plan the wedding since her own mother is no longer here. And if the two of you would need help with the baby, I would be more than happy to stay for an extra couple months to help you with your last few months of pregnancy and adjust to life with a newborn."

"Oh," Meredith whispered.

Derek tightened his arms around Meredith. "That's a wonderful offer, Mom," he said. "I think we'll need to talk about it, but we are very excited to have you out here for Christmas. And it's great that you're going to help Lex and Mark plan the wedding."

"Of course, dear," Carolyn smiled. "Talk it over and let me know when you've made a decision. And there is no pressure, either way."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek said. "We appreciate it."

"It would be my pleasure," Carolyn said. "I'll let you go, but let me know if there's anything you need me to do."

"Thanks," Meredith said softly.

"I love you both," Carolyn said. "The girls send their love as well. Liz is trying to get some time off so she can get out there to throw you a shower."

"Oh," Meredith giggled slightly. "I'll call her soon."

"We love you too, Mom," Derek said. "Bye."

"Good bye, dear."

Meredith looked up at Derek as he hung up the phone. "What do you think?" he asked softly.

"I think…it would be nice," Meredith whispered into his chest. "But would it be weird? Having your mom living with us?"

"I'd like it," Derek nodded. "Neither one of us know how to handle a newborn, Mer. I know we'll learn quickly, but for the first couple weeks, it might be nice to have someone who knows babies to show us what to do."

"It wouldn't be like…cheating?" she asked. "To have someone telling us what to do?"

"Definitely not cheating," Derek laughed, amused at his wife's self doubt. "It's just an extra set of hands. Every new set of parents would kill for that."

"It would be nice," Meredith smiled. "And I have to help with the wedding stuff too, right? That's what the maid of honor does?"

"It is," Derek smiled as he trailed his hands along her back.

"Okay," Meredith nodded as she pressed her lips against his. "Your mom can stay with us."

"Really?" Derek asked, unable to hide his joy at the thought of spending a significant amount of time with his mom.

"Really," Meredith giggled. "Though I never pegged you as a mama's boy."

"I'm not a mama's boy," Derek frowned.

"You so are," Meredith giggled as she settled against his chest, trying to ignore the small voice of doubt in the back of her head.


	14. Chapter 14

"I love Halloween," Christina announced as she approached the nurse's station where Meredith was seated, scribbling in a chart. "It's not even noon and we've already got three practical jokes gone wrong that ended in three surgeries. Halloween's the best day to work."

"I'm glad to see that you're finding the silver lining," Meredith said without looking up from her chart.

"What silver lining?" Christina shrugged. "Surgery. That's amazing."

"Right," Meredith sighed.

"You want in?" Christina asked. "We've got a subdural hemotoma to fix. Apparently some college kids fell out of a window or something howling at the moon. Idiots."

"I'd love to, but I can't," Meredith said with a grin. "I am going to see my baby. And then I'm going to my house. Which has electricity now."

"Are you finally going to see if it's McDreamy junior or second generation dark and twistiness?" Christina asked.

"Don't mock my baby," Meredith frowned. "And yes. If the baby stops being stubborn like their father, we're going to find out the sex."

"Well, at least we're going to be able to prepare ourselves," Christina sighed.

"Hello ladies," a voice said from behind them and they turned to see Owen approaching them.

Meredith noticed Christina tense beside her, and she smiled slightly at him. "Hi," she said.

"Dr. Shepherd, your husband was looking for you," he said with a nod. "Something about making sure you eat lunch…"

Meredith rolled her eyes as she closed her chart. "That man is going to drive me insane," she sighed. "Are you okay?" she asked Christina.

"Yeah," Christina said as she opened another chart. "Let me know if I need to prepare the world for the second coming."

"I will," Meredith nodded as she looked down at her beeper. Derek. The man was going to drive her crazy before she even gave birth to his child.

"There you are!" his voice called from down the hall and she stopped for a moment before she plastered a fake smile to her face as she turned to look at him.

"Hi," she said as he leaned in to press a kiss to her cheek.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Good," she nodded. "Did you talk to the contractor? Did he say why they were stalled on the house?"

"Apparently there was some kind of mix up with the electrical wiring, but he said they should have it fixed by the end of the day," he nodded.

"Seriously?" she asked. "We're going to have lights?"

"We're going to have lights," he laughed.

"Good," Meredith smiled.

"All that's left is painting and furniture," Derek smiled as he reached out to rest a hand on her stomach. "How's Baby?"

"Baby's good," Meredith smiled.

"We already had a discussion about being less stubborn like Mommy," Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. "You ready?"

"Definitely," she sighed as she leaned into him.

"You sure you feel okay?" he asked.

"Just tired," she sighed. "And sore."

"We can get you a massage tonight," Derek promised.

"And scrambled eggs?" Meredith asked. For some reason, scrambled eggs were the most amazing food in the world right now, and she had been eating them multiple times a day.

"I promise you'll get your scrambled eggs," he laughed as they got off the elevator and moved towards the obgyn department.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"You can go ahead in Dr. Shepherd," the nurse behind the desk smiled. "Dr. Cooper will be with you shortly."

"Thanks," Derek said as he led Meredith into the exam room. "So let's hope that our baby will cooperate today," he said as he helped her onto the exam table.

"I hope so," she sighed as she ran her hand over her belly. "We need things, Derek. And as soon as they nursery is painted we need to buy stuff, but either a boy or a girl, and we need names, and…we need to know, Derek. We need to."

"I know," he said as he leaned forward to lift her shirt above her stomach. "Hey Baby. It's Daddy. And I know you're getting really big, and may not have a lot of room to move around anymore. But this is the third time Mommy and Daddy have tried to see if you're a boy or a girl, so we'd really appreciate it if you would make sure that your legs aren't crossed. We need to give you a name and buy you lots of presents, but we can't do that until we know if you're a boy or a girl."

"Oh," Meredith smiled as she brought a hand to her stomach.

"What?" Derek asked, looking up at her. "Are you okay?"

"Just a kick," she said as she moved his hand to the side of her belly. "You feel it?"

"No," he frowned. "Baby, you need to get a little stronger so Daddy can feel you, okay?"

"I'm only twenty weeks, Der," Meredith sighed. "It's still early for that."

"I know," he nodded. "But we're halfway there."

"Halfway there," she sighed as she leaned back onto the table.

"Hello Shepherds," Dr. Cooper smiled as she walked into the room. "Shall we see if your baby is any less stubborn today?"

"Please," Meredith said as she reached for Derek's hand. "Is there anything I can do to make him or her move more?"

"Unfortunately not," Dr. Cooper sighed as she rubbed the gel onto Meredith's exposed belly. "But hopefully the third time will be a charm."

"I hope so," Derek said as he reached out to run a hand over Meredith's hair.

"Alright," Dr. Cooper said, running the probe over her stomach and tapping a few keys on the computer. "Here we are."

Meredith looked closely at the screen for a moment, her heart skipping a beat before she turned to look at her husband, not surprised to see tears in his eyes. "Derek…" she whispered.

"It's…a girl," he breathed, looking closely at the screen before he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "A girl."

"Your princess," Meredith giggled.

"My baby girl," Derek breathed as he sank onto the table beside her. "Oh, Meredith…"

"A girl," she repeated, unable to stop the word from repeating in her head. "A girl. Baby girl Shepherd."

"She's beautiful," Derek whispered.

"Everything looks good," Dr. Cooper smiled as she reached to write on Meredith's chart. "Do you have any questions?"

"I don't think so," Meredith whispered, staring down at the pictures that Dr. Cooper had handed her. "We're too…in shock."

"It's understandable," Dr. Cooper smiled as she stood. "Congratulations. I'll see you back in a few weeks when you enter the third trimester."

"Thank you," Derek smiled as he helped Meredith to her feet.

"A girl," Meredith said as she smiled widely at her husband, who was happier than she'd ever seen him. "Derek…"

"We need to buy her stuff," he breathed. "Teddy bears and dolls, and…pink."

"Pink?" Meredith repeated. "We need to buy her pink?"

"For her nursery," Derek said. "And she needs a name."

"We have twenty more weeks," Meredith giggled as she followed him out of the exam room, a hand resting on her swollen belly as she took his other hand with her free one. "We'll get it done."

"Hmmm," Derek nodded. "Emily?"

"Emily Isobel?" Meredith repeated. "Definitely not."

"Fine," Derek laughed. "Abby?"

"I think we need to stay away from first names starting with a vowel," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And do we have to do this now, Derek?"

"No," he sighed. "I'm just excited."

"I know," she smiled as she squeezed his hand.

"It's Halloween," Meredith informed him as he unlocked his office and she followed him inside.

"Yes, I seem to remember seeing more pumpkins than usual on the way to work today," Derek smirked as he began to change into street clothes.

"Don't be an idiot," she rolled her eyes as she collapsed into the chair behind his desk.

"Sorry," Derek cleared his throat. "What about Halloween?"

"Nothing really," she shrugged. "I just…I've always loved Halloween."

"You never told me that," Derek said with a smile as he pulled his sport coat on and moved to lean against the desk.

Meredith shrugged as she pulled herself to her feet. "I used to scare myself with ghost stories and horror movies," she said with a smile. "I was always alone while my mom worked, and I…it was fun."

"Scaring yourself was fun?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," she said. "I know it sounds stupid, but…I don't know, there's something about curling up in front of a scary movie that gives me this chill…it's exciting."

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "I'll tell you what? How about we go pick up some take out and rent some scary movies and you can be as scared as you want?"

"Really?" Meredith giggled.

"Really," Derek nodded. "Just make sure you don't scare Christine."

"Too much like Christina," Meredith shook her head. "Katie."

"Katie," Derek whispered. "I like it."

"Well, we're not making any decisions right now anyways," Meredith shook her head. "But we can put it on the list."

"Okay," Derek nodded as she pulled him out of the room.

"Scary movies, Derek," she giggled as she pulled him down the hall of the hospital. She was having a girl. Derek was getting his princess, and she knew that her baby girl was going to be so completely loved that she wouldn't miss out on any love from Izzie and George not being there.

XXXXX

"I can't believe you're making me watch this," her husband announced hours later as they lay curled on their bed, the small TV boasting the Scream killer attacking yet another victim. "It's stupid."

"It's not stupid," Meredith frowned. "You're stupid."

"Wow, you're great at the comebacks," Derek laughed.

"You know, I'm carrying your daughter," Meredith sighed. "One would think that you would be nice to me."

"Sorry," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her forehead before he ran a hand through her hair. "But seriously, Mer, you're barely even watching the movie. Your head is buried in my shoulder."

"It's good," she insisted. "And that detective is totally hot."

"You do know I'm your husband, right?" Derek asked.

"I know," she giggled. "But he looks like you."

"He does not," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'm a lot hotter than him."

"Sure," Meredith nodded. "Keep telling yourself that."

"I am!" Derek insisted.

"Fine," Meredith sighed as she reached for the remote and turned the TV off. "What do you want to talk about?"

Derek smiled down at her. "Anything you want to," he said.

Meredith shook her head slightly. "You're too perfect, you know that?" she asked. "There's something wrong with Christina."

"When isn't there something wrong with Christina?" Derek asked.

"Not funny," Meredith stated. "She's acting weird. About Owen."

"You should talk to her about it," Derek suggested softly.

"I can't," Meredith sighed.

"Why not?" Derek asked.

"Because," Meredith sighed, looking down at her hands as she ran them over her stomach. "She just makes fun of me for being happy or whatever."

"There's nothing wrong with being happy," Derek assured her softly.

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And I am, Derek. Really, really happy. Even though it's different now…I'm completely happy."

"I'm glad," Derek said. "You know…Mark used to be a lot like Christina?"

Meredith blinked in surprise before she looked up at her husband. She'd never thought about it before, but she could definitely see the similarities Derek was pointing out. "What did you do?" she whispered.

"I think…I think he was jealous when I married Addison," Derek said. "He was…it wasn't really obvious at the time, but now that I'm looking back, I think he was jealous that I was able to take that step and he wasn't."

"What's your point?" Meredith asked as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"My point is that you're happy," Derek said. "And you have pretty much everything. A husband, a great job, a baby and a house on the way. Maybe Christina wants that, but maybe she doesn't know how to get it."

Meredith was silent for a moment as she contemplated his words. "How did you help Mark?" she asked.

"Well, I didn't," Derek sighed. "And he ended up in bed with Addison."

"Oh," Meredith frowned.

"Don't worry, Mer, I'll never sleep with Christina," he laughed. "And even if I wanted to she'd probably kick my ass."

"Probably," Meredith giggled. Her best friend had been getting along a lot better with Derek lately, but there was still a bit of tension between the two as to who would be the number one person in her life. "So…what should I do?"

"Find out what the problem is," Derek said. "And then go from there. You can help her, Mer. You're strong and you're smart, and you'll know what to do."

"You have so much faith in me," Meredith sighed.

"I do," Derek nodded. "And you're a good friend to Christina. Just like you're an amazing wife to me, and you'll be a terrific mother to Hilary."

"You want to name your daughter after the Secretary of State?" Meredith scrunched her nose.

"Good point," Derek laughed.

"What about Leah?" Meredith suggested.

"Leah Shepherd?" Derek tested. "I don't think so."

"This is going to be a lot harder than I thought," Meredith said.

"We'll get a book," Derek promised. "And just cross out any names we don't like."

"Sounds good," Meredith sighed. "We can do this, right, Derek? Be good parents?"

Derek sighed as he tightened his arms around her. "I'm scared too, Mer," he whispered. "You know I am. And we might be in over our head at first, but we'll get used to it."

"I'm sorry if I'm driving you crazy," she sighed.

"It's okay," Derek laughed. "You're pregnant. And we're both scared, we both have doubts about this. But as long as we talk about it, it will be okay."

"Okay," Meredith nodded against his chest.

"And Mer?" Derek added. "You've got to be sure to keep your own life."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean that I still want you to have fun with Christina, go to Joe's," Derek said. "We can't just give up our lives because we're having a baby."

"But what about her?" Meredith asked.

"Well, some nights I'll stay in with her," Derek said. "And some nights you will so I can go out with Mark. And most nights we'll stay in together, but…we need to keep our lives as people."

"Okay," she said as she curled into him.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Mmmhmm," she nodded against him.

"Sleep," he smiled as he squeezed her tighter.

"Love you," she sighed as she curled into him as close as she could, her hand moving over her stomach. Her baby girl was moving like crazy inside of her, and suddenly she couldn't wait to be a mom.


	15. Chapter 15

Derek stood outside the trailer, straightening himself after shutting off the generator that allowed electricity, heat, and water into the small space. Meredith was at the house, settling into their new home, but he found himself with a sudden and surprising stab of pain at the thought of leaving the small trailer that had been his home for so long and had so many memories.

When he'd bought it after arriving in Seattle to escape from Mark and Addison, it had been temporary. He'd planned on building a house, a small cottage or something that would make it easy to fish whenever he needed to. But then he had been captivated by the giggling mess of an intern and he had pinned all his dreams on one day living here on this land with her.

The months he had lived here with Addison had been miserable, but there were still so many amazing memories out here. He could clearly remember the first time he'd brought Meredith out here, the way she'd look around the land in awe as he'd led her into the trailer. There were all the times she came to visit Doc, and the night after the house of candles, where they had stayed up all night inside the trailer, talking out their problems before making love as the sun came up. This was where she'd convinced him to be himself again after his mid life crisis, and where she'd told him that she wanted to keep their baby.

There were so many memories here, and although he couldn't wait to move into their completely finished house, he was going to miss the trailer. It had provided him with an escape, and he was going to miss it.

As he looked at the trailer fondly, he felt a pair of small arms wrap around his waist as a solid belly pressed into his back. "Hey," he sighed, leaning into her embrace as he trailed his fingertips over her arms.

"This used to be a lot easier," she giggled as she rested her chin on his shoulder, struggling to get close to him

"Is Tanya getting in the way?" Derek asked.

"Elizabeth is definitely getting in the way," she giggled. "If you want to name our daughter after your sister."

"No," Derek shook his head with a smile playing on his lips. They'd been doing this a lot lately, bringing up random names up in conversation as they'd tried to think of the perfect name for their perfect baby girl. They had a few that they liked, but he wasn't going to settle on anything yet.

"I'm sad too," she whispered, running a comforting hand over his stomach and up to his chest.

"Remember when we came out here after we got back together the first time?" he asked softly.

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "And we spent two days just talking and laughing, planning our future."

"And not having sex," Derek rolled his eyes.

Meredith giggled. "It was still fun," she said.

"I think that was when I knew I wanted forever with you," Derek said. "Before that, when Addison was here and then with Finn, I knew I wanted something. But when you were here, completely comfortable in a trailer in the middle of nowhere, making fun of me…I just knew that that was how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. With you, together."

"We will spend the rest of our life like that," she whispered, moving to stand in front of him, her belly pressing into his. "In our house."

Derek nodded as he leaned down to rest his forehead against hers. "I'm just going to miss it," he whispered.

"Well, we can keep it and you can sleep there after we fight," Meredith giggled as she cupped his face in her hands.

"Or we can keep it as a…playhouse or whatever," he said as a hand moved to her stomach. "For Laura."

"Right," Meredith giggled. "So in fifteen years she can bring boys here without you knowing."

"I'll get rid of the trailer tomorrow," Derek nodded firmly. "And there will be no boys. Ever."

"Overprotective Daddy," Meredith said as she reached down to link her hand through his. "Ready?"

"Definitely," Derek said as he turned to follow her towards the house, glowing in the darkness of the evening. "I can't believe how quickly this came along. It only took six months."

"They promised Christmas and we're moving in at Thanksgiving," Meredith giggled as they stopped in front of the house.

"I guess bribing really does help," Derek said as they climbed the steps of their wrap around porch and he turned to pull her off her feet, cradling her in his arms as he pushed the door open.

"Derek!" she giggled. "What are you doing?"

"Carrying my wife through the door," Derek said as he stepped through the open front door. "It's tradition."

"Not when the wife weighs a million pounds," Meredith sighed as he set her on her feet and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Probably only half a million," Derek said as he leaned down to kiss her, laughing as she slapped his bicep.

"So," Meredith sighed as she grabbed his hand and moved down the hallway. "We're home."

"We're home," Derek nodded.

"It feels weird," Meredith said as she settled onto the couch in the living room, looking around the room contentedly.

"Weird?" Derek asked as he sat down beside her and moved a gentle hand through her hair.

"I haven't ever really lived like this before," she shrugged. "When I was growing up, it was me and a nanny, and then I was alone most of the time when I was old enough. And then there was college and med school, where I lived in the dorms, and then I lived at the house with George and Izzie, and then the trailer. But now…I'm actually living like a normal person with my husband."

"And our daughter," Derek said.

"Speaking of our daughter," Meredith said. "When am I allowed to see the nursery? I want to see it, Derek."

"When it's finished," Derek smiled.

"But you said the whole house is finished," Meredith said. "Which means you lied. About our daughter's nursery."

"The contractors are finished," Derek nodded. "But I'm doing the nursery by myself. Well, me and Mark."

"So is it almost done?" she asked.

"Well, we still need to go shopping," Derek said. "But we've got three more months to get everything settled.

"I'm about to start my third trimester," Meredith said. "We need to do this now. Like… right now."

"We can go soon," Derek said. "For tonight…we're going to enjoy our new house. Our first night at home."

"Okay," Meredith smiled as she cuddled into him. "We're home, Derek. In a real home."

"And if you're feeling up to it," Derek smiled slyly. "There's a very new, very large, very comfortable bed for us to break in."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she trailed her fingers along the collar of his unbuttoned shirt. "That sounds very promising."

"You up to it, Mrs. Shepherd?"

"That's Dr. Shepherd to you," she said as she leaned in to kiss him. "And I believe that would be a very good idea."

"Excellent," Derek smiled as he stood and pulled her to her feet. "We've got a lot of work to do."

"Work?" Meredith asked as she followed him towards the stairs, her hand held tightly in his.

"Yes," Derek nodded. "We've got to christen the house. Make sure it's really ours before Baby comes."

"I think we've already christened it," she giggled. "Multiple times. Remember when the roofers caught us?"

"But now it's finished," Derek nodded. "We've got to make sure that all the rooms are officially ours before Mom gets here."

"I'm up for the challenge," Meredith smiled as she pulled him into their new bedroom. "Let's break in our bed."

XXXXX

Derek woke early the next morning, smiling softly at the feeling of his wife's still naked, pregnant body curled into his. She was snoring slightly, a habit he had gotten used to in the past few months, and he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead before moving out of her arms to reach for a pair of boxers. It was Thanksgiving, and he was looking forward to making Meredith their first dinner together in their home as a married couple, her first Thanksgiving ever.

As he moved around their newly stocked kitchen, he whistled softly, grateful that they both had the day off and that they could spend it together, adjusting to their life in their new home and looking forward to their new baby.

"Hey," Meredith's voice said sleepily from behind him as he moved to stick the turkey in the oven. "What are you doing?"

"Hi," Derek said as he turned to press his lips against hers. "I'm making Thanksgiving dinner."

Meredith froze, and he wondered for a moment if he had done something wrong, if he had forgotten that she was working or had made plans with Christina for the day. It wouldn't have surprised him, it was going to be hard as the first holiday without George and Izzie, but he really couldn't remember her mentioning anything. "Is that a problem?" he asked.

"I don't really do Thanksgiving," Meredith said as she looked at him carefully. "I hate it, actually."

"You…what?" Derek frowned.

"I hate Thanksgiving," Meredith said as she moved to grab a water bottle out of the fridge. "So…you can throw the turkey away or whatever. And we'll just have a normal dinner.

"I'm not just going to throw the turkey away," Derek said as he turned to look at her. "It's a perfectly good dinner."

"And I don't want it," she snapped. "So get it out of my house. I'm serious, Derek. No Thanksgiving."

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Derek frowned. "Meredith, it's Thanksgiving. Our first one."

"If you remember our last Thanksgiving, you went home to your wife," Meredith said. "And I went to Joe's. Alone."

"And you're my wife now," Derek said as he reached for her. "I thought we had worked past through all of that."

"Derek, can you just drop it?" Meredith asked. "I hate Thanksgiving. It's stupid and doesn't mean anything."

"It means everything!" Derek replied. "It means you have something to be grateful for, that you have something to live for in the world. If you don't feel like you have something to be grateful for, then I don't know what we're doing here. Are you thankful for anything?"

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she said, "If you think that I have nothing to be grateful for, then maybe you should think about how I finally have everything and that I don't need some stupid day to tell everyone I love that I love them."

"Mer," Derek frowned. "I know that you finally have people in your life who love you. I know that you're grateful for it, but Thanksgiving…it's just a holiday where we can really focus on it."

"It's a stupid day that is full of stupid people eating too much and getting drunk," Meredith snapped. "I don't need to do that, Derek."

"What happens next year?" Derek asked. "What happens when we have a daughter who wonders why her family can't celebrate Thanksgiving? Are you just going to work every Thanksgiving and leave our kids here alone with me? What if I want to go to New York to be with my family?"

"I can't do this right now, Derek," Meredith snapped. "If you're going to keep lecturing me, then I'm going to go."

"Where are you going to go?" Derek frowned.

"Christina's," Meredith shrugged. "The hospital…I don't know."

"Mer, don't you think you're over-reacting?" Derek frowned. "It's Thanksgiving."

"And I told you I don't want Thanksgiving," Meredith snapped. "I'll be back later."

"Meredith," Derek frowned as he watched her grab her coat and walk out the front door.

He sighed as he collapsed into a kitchen chair, wondering exactly what he had done wrong. He had not been expecting her to freak out like that, but somehow she had totally thrown him for a loop as he had tried to make their first Thanksgiving together special. He glanced at the clock on the oven and frowned for a moment before he moved quickly to turn it off and ran towards the stairs. He had to find her, he had to make sure she didn't run like they had promised.

XXXXX

"Dr. Shepherd," Owen nodded to Derek as he moved to stand at the OR board beside him as he stared at the OR board, studying the names of the surgeons.

"Dr. Hunt," Derek sighed.

"I would have thought that you would have been celebrating your first Thanksgiving as a married couple," Owen said.

"Me too," Derek sighed. "Speaking of which…have you seen my very pregnant, very hormonal life anywhere?"

"What did you do?" Owen asked, a hint of humor in his voice.

"I cooked her Thanksgiving dinner," Derek said.

"Ah," Owen sighed. "It seems to be a common trend among those residents we're so fond of."

"What?" Derek asked.

"Hating Thanksgiving," Owen said. "When I asked Christina to move in with me last month, she totally freaked. And then last week she told me that we could do it as long as we waited until after the holidays and I didn't make her celebrate or act like a family."

Derek nodded as he looked at the ceiling. "So my wife is probably with your girlfriend," he stated.

"Are you supposed to be here?" Owen asked, glancing at Derek.

"If I had my way, I would be in my kitchen, listening to my wife make fun of me while I made her dinner," Derek sighed.

"Where do you think they are?" Owen asked.

"I have two guesses," Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Either lying in your bed as they bitch to each other about how stupid we are. Which, by the way, means that you will be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"What's the other option?" Owen asked.

Derek took a deep breath before he looked at Owen closely. "I think you know," he said.

Owen nodded. "Should we go?" he asked.

"I think so," Derek said. "It makes me nervous not knowing where Mer is right now."

"I'll drive," Owen nodded.

A half an hour later, Derek stepped out of Owen's car, his heart sinking in his chest as he laid eyes on three very familiar figures sitting on the ground before two shining gravestones.

Owen stepped up beside him and sighed, glancing at Derek for a moment before the two men made their way towards the remaining three members of the Fab Five intern team.

Derek stopped a few feet away from where his amazing wife sat, crying softly as she sat between Christina and Alex, tears streaming down her face. He should have know that there would have been some feelings of grief that would have surfaced today, feelings that had been submerged months before but would now be brought out with the reality of the first holiday season without two members of her tiny family.

Without a word, Derek moved to Meredith, sinking to the ground beside her and taking her into his arms. She didn't protest at all as she leaned into him, her hands clutching at his shirt as he rocked her slowly back and forth. Over the top of her head, he could see Owen and Christina in a similar position, and after a moment, Derek removed a hand from around his wife to reach out and press a comforting hand on Alex's shoulder, squeezing tightly to show his support.

"Derek," his wife whispered into his chest. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Don't be sorry, Mer. It's okay. I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered. "You and our baby girl."

"I know you do," Derek said as he rocked her gently. "It's okay, Mer, just let it out."

Her shoulders began to shake with sobs, and he felt his shirt soaking with tears after a moment. As he held his crying wife close to his chest, a sudden flash of the first holiday season without his father to celebrate with them flashed through his mind, and he felt a fresh surge of emotion wash over him. "I'm here, Mer, it's okay," he whispered.

"They're gone," Meredith whispered. "They're gone, Derek, and nothing will ever be the same."

"I know," he whispered, tears falling down his own face as well. "I know, Mer."

"Derek," she gasped again, shifting to look up at him. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Derek shook his head. "I know this is hard, Mer. I'm so sorry I got mad."

Meredith looked at him for a moment before she shifted slowly to embrace Alex, whispering something in his ear. Derek watched as his wife clung tightly to the young widower, suddenly willing to do anything to get her through the day.


	16. Chapter 16

"Why are they so perfect?" Meredith asked a couple hours later as she sat on the couch in her new living room, Christina at her side and Alex collapsed in Derek's armchair, staring numbly at the wall ahead of them.

"Because they know what we're going through," Christina sighed. "They've been here before."

"The hell they do," Alex said flatly.

"They do," Christina nodded. "Owen's…he's seen the worst of it. Been in the thick of the war and had his best friends die in his care. And Shepherd lost his dad. It's the same thing."

"It's not the same," Alex shook his head. "Not until they lose you will they understand what I'm going through."

Meredith felt a sudden stab of pain at the thought of how destroyed her husband would be if something happened to her or their daughter, but she chose to ignore it in favor of comforting her friend. "Maybe you're right," she said softly. "But Alex…they were our family too. George and Izzie were part of our family, and maybe we're missing them in a different way, but we still miss them. Both of them, every day. They were…George and Izzie."

"Right," Alex nodded. "That's why you've been all happy and giggly, and…pregnant lately."

Meredith stared at him for a moment, taken completely off guard. Over the past few months, Alex had healed a lot, even cracking a smile and telling her how excited Izzie would have been to have a niece on the way when he'd found out about the baby. He had been starting to move on, but there was no doubt that he was going to be hurting through this first holiday season.

"Alex," she said softly as she pulled herself off of the couch. "I know you're hurting a lot. But we're here. Me and Christina…we're your family. Which means that Derek and Owen are too. Even if they're stupid perfect and in the kitchen making dinner when we told them not to…they're family. And family doesn't leave. So you're stuck with us."

Alex sighed as he looked up at her. "When did you get all pro family and loving?" he asked.

Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over her stomach. "I'm a mom now," she said. "It's what we do."

"Oh gross," Christina rolled her eyes from the couch. "Now you're becoming McDreamette."

"McDreamette?" Meredith giggled slightly, and even Alex cracked a slight smile at Christina's words.

"All gushy and emotional," Christina shrugged. "Must be a Shepherd thing. You were ruined when you married him."

"Must be," Meredith giggled as she squeezed Alex's hand. "Do you need anything?" she asked softly.

"No," he said as he leaned back into the couch. "I'll be okay. Holidays are just hard, but I'll be okay."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "I'll be right back."

She sighed as she made her way across the hall to the kitchen where Derek and Owen were talking quietly at the counter beside the stove. "Hey," she said as she approached them and wrapped her arms around Derek's waist.

"Hey," he said as he leaned back into her embrace. "How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"Okay," she nodded. "Hungry."

"Good," Derek said as he turned in her arms. "How's Alex? And Christina?"

"Christina's good," Meredith nodded. "And Alex…well, how would you be if you were him?"

"Probably curled up in a corner with a bottle of scotch," Derek said, and she didn't miss the flash of pain that ran through her husband's eyes.

"So he's doing okay," Meredith nodded. "Um…how's the cooking or whatever coming?"

"Good," Derek nodded. "Just waiting for the turkey to cook for a little longer before we start the rest of the food.

"Okay," she sighed. "Does that mean…can we talk?"

"Of course," Derek nodded as he turned to Owen. "You got this?"

"Of course," Owen nodded. "I'm going to go check on Christina and Alex."

Meredith took a deep breath as she reached for Derek's hand, leading him into the hall.

"Do you want to go up to our room?" Derek asked, giving her hand a supportive squeeze.

Meredith sighed as she looked at the stairs in front of her. There were so many of them, and at this point that would take way too much energy out of her exhausted and grieving pregnant body.

"Guest room?" she asked hopefully.

"Definitely," Derek nodded, placing a gentle hand on her back to guide her towards the guestroom across from the stairs. When they were seated comfortably on the bed, facing each other as Meredith ran a hand over her stomach, he smiled warmly at her and tilted his head to the side, which she knew was his single to let her talk whenever she was ready.

"I'm sorry about this morning," she whispered after a few minutes. "It was really sweet of you to cook me Thanksgiving dinner."

"I wasn't thinking," Derek shook his head. "I should have thought about what today would mean for you."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she asked, "Do you remember last Thanksgiving?"

The flash of sadness and regret that passed through her husband's eyes told her that she did remember the pain of that day, but he waited for her to continue.

"I was supposed to help Izzie," Meredith sighed. "I snuck out of the house, and then when we were all supposed to be having dinner, I went to Joe's instead. George was upset about his dad, and Izzie was mad because no one helped her cook, and I just… didn't come home."

"That's not your fault," Derek assured her. "If anything it was my fault."

"Derek…" Meredith shook her head.

"No," he said. "I should have picked you, Mer. I know we've been through this a hundred times before, but if I had…if I'd just been able to admit how much I loved you, how much more you meant to me than my own wife, maybe things would have been different."

"Things would have been different," Meredith nodded quietly. She couldn't remember the number of times she had imagined what her life had been like if Derek had signed the divorce papers and sent his wife back to New York like he had promised her he would. "Maybe not better, but…different."

"But they would be!" Derek said firmly, causing Meredith to look at him closely. He suddenly jumped off of the bed and began pacing the room, running his hands through his hair as Meredith stared at him with wide eyes, realizing for the first time how much he had been affected by the death of her friends.

"Derek," she breathed, trying to calm him down. "There's nothing you could have done…"

"If we had been together, you never would have slept with George," Derek said. "And nothing would have gotten weird between the two of you, and he wouldn't have thought to join the Army. And maybe Izzie would still have gotten a tumor, but I would have been able to recognize it. I was too absorbed in my own shit to even notice there was anything wrong with her, even though we lived under the same roof for months."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she stood, moving to stand in front of him so that he couldn't pace anymore. "You are a cocky, arrogant man," she stated.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"Do you really think that your actions, that one tiny decision would have made any of this different?" she asked. "Seriously, Derek, contrary to what you might think, the world does not revolve around you."

"I never…"

"Don't," Meredith said. "I've tried the whole blaming myself thing. And guess what? It doesn't work."

"But if I could just take back that one moment in time, that one day where I should have sent Addison back to New York, things would have been so different," Derek whispered.

"For us," Meredith nodded. "And yes, things would have probably been different for George and Izzie too. But not so much that they wouldn't have ended up here. George would still have stepped in front of that bus, because that's who he was. And Izzie…you can't blame yourself for not noticing her brain tumor. I lived with her too, I was her friend. And Alex slept in the same bed as her. Maybe we all should have noticed, but we can't just blame each other or ourselves for this."

"Meredith," Derek shook his head.

"No," Meredith said, grabbing his hands and holding them tightly. "Derek, you haven't let me blame myself for any of this, and I'm not going to let you do that either. We have to get through this together. But none of us are going to take the blame."

"I just wish that things had been different," Derek said. "I wish I could make you happy."

"You do," Meredith said, squeezing his hand tightly. "Derek, you know that you've made me happier than I've ever been."

"After I've made you more miserable than ever," Derek said. "And Mer…I know we're married and happy now. But I just wish that we could have had some more time. Time isn't always available, Mer, and I lost two years for us."

Meredith stared at him for a moment as he pushed past her to pace the room again. "Where is this coming from?" she asked gently. "Derek, it's been months."

"I know," he sighed as he turned to her as he ran his hands through his hair. "Mer," he breathed, collapsing onto the bed and staring up at her. "I just can't lose you again."

His words were vulnerable and needy, just like so many months before when he had begged her to marry him, even if he couldn't be a doctor. She'd never seen him like that before, and now she was seeing it again. She hated this version of her husband, and she definitely had to figure out a way to make sure that he snapped out of it. She couldn't live another week like she had when he'd hid out in the trailer so long ago. She needed her husband and had to make sure that he wasn't freaking out.

"You won't lose me, Derek," she said softly as she sat down on the bed beside him and reached up to run a hand through his hair. "No running, remember?"

"I know you won't leave me," Derek said, looking at her with wide, tear filled eyes. "I honestly believe that you would swim this time. But things happen. You held a live bomb, Mer. I might not be so lucky next time."

"Derek, I love you," she said. "This is forever. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you."

"You don't know that," Derek insisted, and her heart ached as she saw tears streaming down his face.

"Derek," she whispered. "What in the world is bringing this on?"

"My dad died," Derek said. "He and my mom…they loved each other more than anyone in the world. I've never seen anyone who was more in love than the two of them, and he just died. She's had to live without him for thirty years."

"I know," Meredith sighed, wondering if he had felt just as helpless in the weeks after Izzie and George had died. "Derek, I'm sorry."

"Thirty years," Derek repeated. "Thirty years ago today, I was fishing with my dad, and then he was dead."

Meredith inhaled deeply as realization hit her. It was today. Derek's father had been murdered thirty years ago today, and she had been completely absorbed in her own issues to notice that he had been hurting.

"Derek," she sighed as she leaned into him, pulling one of his hands to rest on her stomach. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't…usually it doesn't hurt this badly," Derek gasped as he held her tightly. "Usually I can just smile and make my way through the day without any problems. But now…I don't know, maybe it's because I have everything to lose and I don't know how to live without being terrified of losing you and our daughter."

"Remember what you told me after George and Izzie died?" Meredith asked softly.

"I said a lot of things," Derek said, smiling slightly.

"You told me that I couldn't live my life in fear of losing you," Meredith whispered. "And you're right, Derek. That's not a good way for us to live our lives."

"I know," he sighed. "I just…I wasn't expecting it to hurt so badly today. Usually I can make it through the day, when I was in New York I would visit his grave or go fishing but now…Mer, I'm terrified."

Meredith sighed as she leaned in to kiss him gently. "I love you, Derek," she said. "And I wish there is something I could do to help you through this. But all I can do is be there for me like you were there for me."

"I know," Derek said. "I just need you. You and our daughter."

"Who needs a name," Meredith said, running a hand through his hair. Maybe naming their daughter would make him happier, would give him something positive to remember about today.

"Erin?"

"Heather."

"Madeline."

"Kara."

"Tina."

"Lauren."

"I keep coming back to Katie," Derek said as he shifted to rest his head on her lap against her stomach, and she noticed his eyes beginning to light up as they talked about their daughter.

"Katie," Meredith nodded. "Katherine?"

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "Katherine Isobel Shepherd."

"I like it," Meredith said as she felt the baby roll in her stomach. "I think she does too."

"Is she moving?" Derek asked.

"Rolling," Meredith said as she rested a hand on the top of her stomach. "Is that it?"

"I think so," Derek said, a full fledged smile spreading across his face as he moved to sit again, pressing his lips against hers. "Katherine Isobel Shepherd."

"Katie," Meredith whispered against his lips.

"Katie," Derek nodded, moving his lips down to her stomach. "Hi Katie. Daddy can't wait to meet you, sweetheart."

Meredith smiled as she looked down at him. "Do you feel any better?" she whispered.

"Yes," he said as he shifted to look up at her again. "I'm sorry, Mer. I do love you. And I'm terrified of losing you, but I'm just going to have to learn to live with that fear."

"I'll help," she said softly. "Anything you need me to do, Derek, I'll do it."

"You're already doing it," Derek said with a soft smile. "Although…"

Meredith giggled as she watched the slow smile spread across his face. "What are you thinking, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked.

"Once our friends leave, I think I might need a bath," Derek said.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "I could use a bath too."

"Good," Derek said, taking a deep breath before he stood and reached for her hands to pull her to her feet. "Ready to go back out?"

"Are you?" she asked softly. "You're the one who just had a break down."

"And you helped me through it," Derek said, squeezing her tightly. "Mer, we're turning to each other and growing together. That's big for us."

"We're married now," Meredith giggled. "It means things."

"It does," Derek nodded. "Let's go."

Meredith leaned into him as they walked out of the room, moving into the living room where their friends were talking quietly.

"Is everything okay?" Owen asked as he looked up to them.

"Yes," Derek sighed as he sank onto the couch and pulled Meredith onto his lap, wrapping his arms around her, a hand resting on her stomach.

"And we have news," Meredith said with a small smile.

"News?" Christina asked. "We don't need to hear about your quickies, Mer."

"We weren't having a quickie," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We named our daughter."

"Well, don't leave us hanging," Owen said with a wide smile. "What is it?"

"Katherine," Derek smiled. "We're going to call her Katie, but…Katherine."

"Katherine Isobel Shepherd," Meredith said, glancing at Alex, whose head snapped up in surprise.

"Isobel," he whispered.

"She deserved to be remembered," Meredith whispered as she tightened her arms around Derek's neck. "Katie will know all about her Aunt Izzie."

"And her Uncle George," Derek added.

"And her Uncle George," Meredith said as she leaned into him.

"We've been waiting for dinner," Owen said as he stood. "Are we ready?"

Meredith smiled as she stood and walked into the dining room with Derek. She'd never had a Thanksgiving dinner before, not really, and it had been a very interesting day so far. From her freaking out to Derek to visiting the cemetery and Derek's breakdown to their daughter finally having a name, it had definitely been an interesting day. But she had her husband, and she had her friends, and that was what she was grateful for.

She smiled gratefully as Derek pulled out a chair for her, looking around the table with a frown as she noticed two extra places set at the table. "There's only five of us," she said to Derek.

"I know," he nodded. "We thought it would be nice to have a place set for both Izzie and George." Meredith smiled as she squeezed his hand tightly. She had an amazing husband who understood her and even if she had nothing else, she had everything to be grateful for.


	17. Chapter 17

Derek smiled as he stepped back from the Christmas tree, admiring his handiwork. He hadn't had a tree in two years, since Addison had hired a decorator to put fragile ornaments perfectly on a tree that was far too large. But now, this tree in his house was perfect.

He and Mark had dragged the tree back the day before, after Meredith had informed him that she was now in the third trimester and if he thought she was going to walk around in the cold looking for a Christmas tree, then he would be spending Christmas at the hospital because she would make sure he knew how stupid he was. He'd laughed, but he definitely didn't want to try her words.

"Hey," she sighed from behind him, and he turned to smile at her as she waddled closer to him. She was adorable, but he knew he had to tread carefully. One false move could get him kicked out of the house at this point.

"Hi," he said as he moved to help her onto the couch. "What do you think of the tree? It's done."

"It's nice," Meredith sighed. "There aren't very many ornaments. I thought you'd have a million decorations."

"Mom's bringing some with her," Derek said. "And I figured we have to leave room for those."

"For what?" Meredith asked.

"Katie's going to make ornaments in school, at daycare," Derek said. "And we're going to display every one of them."

"Of course," Meredith said as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "Thanks for not going overboard with the whole decorating thing. Izzie did, but I just can't handle that. I'm still adjusting to Christmas."

Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around her. "It's perfect, Mer," he said. "A tree, some lights outside, stockings on the mantel, that's all we need. Maybe a little garland on the stairs."

"I have a present for you," Meredith smiled as she struggled to her feet and resting a hand on her back.

"I think that's supposed to wait a couple days," Derek laughed as he watched her move towards the playroom which was still currently being used as storage until their daughter was old enough to use it.

"Shut up," she said as she walked back into the room, holding a shopping bag in her hand. "And I thought you would like this one for Christmas. It's not only for you, but… whatever."

"Thanks, Mer," Derek smiled as he pulled her back onto the couch and reached into the bag.

"Sorry for not wrapping it," she sighed. "But well…I'm about 2 million years pregnant and I hate wrapping presents, so I didn't."

"It's fine," Derek smiled as he pulled out a deep green stocking. "Mer, we already have stockings. I had them made before Thanksgiving, remember? The big fight about whether Christmas was worth celebrating?"

"I remember," she nodded. "But you forgot a member of the family. A very important member."

Derek frowned as he flipped the stocking over, seeing his daughter's name embroidered on the top of the fabric. "Oh," he said.

"Don't worry, I'll never tell her that you forgot about her," Meredith giggled. "Unless you make me mad."

"I didn't forget about her," Derek frowned. "She didn't have a name when I sent the order in."

"I know," she said. "I was kidding."

"Right," Derek rolled his eyes as he leaned into kiss her. "I'm sure she appreciates being added to the mantel."

"You want to hang it?" she asked as she ran a hand over her stomach, looking at the stocking.

"Sure," Derek smiled as he stood and moved towards the fireplace, gently hanging the stocking beside Meredith's. "Right next to Mommy. My girls. Completely perfect. Both of them."

"Your girls," Meredith sighed as she moved to wrap her arms around him. "We love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled. "Both of you."

Meredith sighed as she turned to look at the clock on the TV. "What time is your mom supposed to get here?" she asked.

"Someone anxious?" Derek asked, amused at his wife's excitement. She'd made him clean every inch of the house the day before, something about making sure that his mom was sure that their house was homey and that she was a good wife. He had done everything, not wanting to point out that she was an amazing wife, even without cooking and cleaning.

"I'm just…she has to meet Katie," Meredith said. "And well, I miss her. She's amazing."

"You have no idea how much I love hearing you say that," Derek sighed. "God, I love you."

Before Meredith could respond, the doorbell rang loudly, and Derek felt something against his stomach.

"Ow," Meredith sighed as she rubbed her stomach. "Katie, be nice to Mommy. Don't kick so hard."

"Was that…" Derek breathed. "Mer, was that Katie?"

"Did you feel that?" Meredith asked. "Her kicking?"

"I felt it," Derek breathed.

"Here," Meredith said as she grabbed his hand and moved it to the other side of her stomach. "Can you feel that?"

"Yes," Derek said as he sank onto his knees in front of her, feeling Katie kick gently against his palm. "I feel that. I feel her."

"Oh, Derek," Meredith whispered, and he felt her hand fall to his hair. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled against her stomach. "And you, my princess Katie. You finally decided it was time for Daddy to feel you, huh?"

"Oh, Christ," Mark's voice interrupted. "Shep, she's pregnant, if you're going to sex her, at least take her to a bed. And lock the door."

"Mark," Derek rolled his eyes as he pulled Meredith's shirt back over her stomach as he stood. "I felt Katie kick."

"Well, I still didn't need to see that," Mark shrugged. "I picked something up on my way here, I thought you might be interested."

"Mom," Derek smiled as Carolyn stepped into the room beside Mark.

"Hi sweetheart," she said as she wrapped her arms around him. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," Derek nodded. "Glad you're here."

"Me too," Carolyn said as she pulled away from Derek and moved towards Meredith. "You look wonderful, dear."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she hugged Carolyn back.

"I'm so glad to be here help you with this last trimester," Carolyn said as she reached out to rub a hand over Meredith's stomach. "I've been waiting a long time for a Shepherd grandchild."

"We know, Mom," Derek said as he moved to help Meredith towards the couch. "It's finally time."

"Well, in two and a half months," Meredith giggled.

"It will fly," Derek nodded as he pressed his lips against the side of Meredith's head.

"Now, I have plenty of decorations for the house," Carolyn said as she settled onto the couch as well. "But it looks wonderful as it is."

"Derek and Mark spent three hours trying to get the tree into the stand," Meredith giggled.

Derek frowned as he looked down at her. "The directions weren't exactly clear," he said.

"I'm not complaining," Meredith giggled. "Lexie and I were entertained in ways that TV could never provide for us."

"Well, I'm glad that I could amuse you," Derek said.

"Why don't Meredith and I go make dinner, and the two of you can continue working on my granddaughter's nursery," Carolyn suggested.

"But you just got here," Derek frowned.

"And I'll be here for several months," Carolyn nodded. "My daughter and I need some time alone."

"I see how it is," Derek laughed as he pulled Meredith to her feet. "Now that I'm married to someone you actually like I don't even matter anymore."

"Don't be dramatic," Carolyn said as she patted his cheek. "Of course you matter. I would just like to catch up with her."

"Fine," Derek sighed, turning to his wife. "You need anything?"

"No, I'm good," Meredith smiled, kissing him softly. "You and Mark can go finish Katie's nursery."

"I'll just be upstairs if you need me," Derek promised, squeezing her hand before he turned to Mark. "You have some free time?"

"Sure," Mark shrugged. "Lex is working, so I might as well laugh at you while you try to put that damn crib together."

"You couldn't figure it out either," Derek pointed out as they moved up the stairs.

"Well, we're two of the most brilliant doctors in the country," Mark nodded. "We should be able to figure this out."

"You'd think so," Derek sighed as he pushed open the door to the nursery. The parts of the crib were still scattered across the floor from the previous time that he had tried to assemble it and Meredith had stood in the door, giggling for hours as she said something about how repairing brains must be easier than building cribs.

"Alright, where the hell do we start with this thing?" Mark sighed as he and Derek moved to sit down on the floor.

"We'll just follow the directions," Derek sighed. "Hopefully they'll be more clear this time."

"Right," Mark rolled his eyes as he reached for the screwdriver. "So how's Big Grey holding up for Christmas?"

"She's doing amazingly well," Derek sighed. "I wish I could say the same for myself."

"You thinking about Stevens and O'Malley?" Mark asked. "Or your dad?"

"All of them," Derek nodded. "I always miss Dad at Christmas, but this one is different."

"Because Meredith's hurting?"

"That and just…I'm married, Mark," Derek said.

"You were married for twelve years," Mark pointed out. "I don't think you ever mentioned Addison and your dad in the same conversation, let alone the same sentence."

"Well, it's like Mom said," Derek shrugged. "Addie wasn't the one. Mer is. Dad would love her. I'm married to the love of my life and I'm having a baby. I'm going to be a dad, Mark, and I'm trying to figure out how I can do that without my own father's guidance."

"You can do it," Mark nodded. "You've wanted to be a dad for as long as I can remember. Christ, when Caitlin used to play house you would hold those damn dolls like they were real. Let's not get started on how twisted that was."

"I was playing with my baby sister," Derek rolled his eyes. "And I just…it's scary."

Mark nodded carefully. "Lex wants a family," he said after a moment.

Derek paused in his movements, looking closely at his best friend. "Is Lexie pregnant?" he asked.

"God no," Mark laughed. "I'm not ready yet. I'm just getting used to the idea of potentially being a dad."

Derek examined Mark closely for another moment before he nodded. "I think you'd be a good dad," he said. "A little skittish at first, but…you'll be a good dad."

"Thanks Shep," Mark smirked.

Derek sighed as he and Mark lifted the last wall of the crib up, screwing it together quickly before they took a step back and nodded. "I think we did it," Derek said with a proud nod.

"Let's tell Mer that we finished it in five minutes and just wanted to give them some chick time," Mark suggested.

"Good plan," Derek laughed as he made his way towards the door. "The nursery's almost done."

"What else do you have to do?" Mark asked.

"Pictures," Derek sighed. "Mer and I want Katie to know that she has the best family in the world. Pictures of the sisters, you and Lex, Molly…George and Izzie."

"That's a good idea," Mark nodded. "You're going to be good parents."

"It's about time," Meredith giggled as she looked up from stirring a bowl in front of her on the counter as she sat perched on a barstool.

"Hey we were just trying to give you some time," Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Mom's letting you cook?"

"Stir," Carolyn interjected. "From what I've heard, we're going to have to take baby steps to get this girl to be good in the kitchen."

"It will take more than baby steps," Derek laughed, stopping immediately at the expression on Meredith's face. "Sorry."

"It must be genetic," Mark sighed as he opened the fridge. "Where the hell is the beer?"

"We're not drinking," Derek shrugged as he reached out to run a hand over Meredith's stomach.

"Why the hell not?"

"Mer can't, and I'm not going to if she can't," Derek shrugged. "You'll get it."

"Did you get the crib set up?" Meredith asked.

"We did," Derek nodded. "Mom, you've got to see the nursery. It's going to be amazing."

"I'm sure it is," Carolyn smiled as she leaned down to place a chicken in the oven. "I have some pictures of the girls and their families like you asked for."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around his mother's shoulders. "And thanks for coming out here. We know how much Christmas means to you, but Mer can't fly right now."

"Of course, darling," Carolyn smiled. "I've been there for the births of all my grandchildren, and I certainly wasn't going to miss this one."

"We really appreciate it," Meredith sighed. "This is…I'm not sure how to do this, and with everything that's happened, we really need someone who knows what they're doing. I need support from someone other than Derek."

Derek sighed as he watched his wife cradle her stomach carefully. She was still so fragile sometimes, and he wished that he knew what to do to make her completely strong, to let her know that she didn't need to be afraid of anyone breaking her. He would never tolerate that.

"Of course, darling," Carolyn smiled as she turned to the three younger people in the room. "And it's been to long since I've seen my boys for a long enough amount of time. Not to mention that I would like to get to know you, really get to know you."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her eyes panicking as she glanced from Carolyn to Derek and back again. "I um…"

"Mom," Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around Meredith. "We're living day to day here. Taking things as they come."

A flicker of recognition flashed across his mother's face and she nodded carefully. "Of course," she nodded. "I understand that you're trying to deal the holidays without your friends for the first time."

"It's hard," Meredith whispered in an almost child like voice that he had never heard from her before.

"I know, sweetheart," Carolyn smiled as she reached out to cup Meredith's cheek in her hand. "But you'll get through this. When your baby girl comes, you'll realize how much having a tiny little baby in your life will make things better."

"I love her," Meredith whispered, her arm tightening around her stomach. "I already love her so much."

"I know you do," Derek smiled as he placed a hand beside hers on her stomach, feeling Katie kick gently. "I love her too."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into him, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Are you two ever going to act like normal people?" Mark groaned. "You'd think with all the shit the two of you have been trough you wouldn't want to make other people sick to their stomach with all the kissing."

"You know you should watch what you say around me," Meredith giggled. "I am your fiancé's sister."

"So?" Mark frowned.

"So, I have the power to tell Lexie any time you're an idiot," Meredith shrugged. "Or well…a bigger idiot than usual."

"This is why I love you," Derek laughed.

"You can't do that," Mark frowned at Meredith.

"Actually I can," Meredith nodded. "It's my right as a big sister or whatever."

"I'm not actually afraid of Lexie."

"You should be," Meredith nodded. "She has control over you now."

Mark grumbled something under his breath and Derek laughed as Meredith leaned into him again. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he smiled, squeezing her hand. This was it. This was the kind of Christmas he loved, spending it with his wife and mother, the perfect Christmas.


	18. Chapter 18

Meredith sighed as she slowly made her way down the stairs. This Christmas season had been fairly bittersweet so far. She had enjoyed spending time with her mother in law and experiencing a normal Christmas for once in her life, but the sting of missing George and Izzie was much stronger now than it had been only a month earlier. And with Derek at stupid work, she wasn't sure that Christmas Eve was all it was cracked up to be. She just wanted her husband.

"Hi Mom," Meredith sighed as she walked into the living room where Carolyn was reading a book.

"Hello dear," Carolyn smiled. "I was just finishing my book before I start dinner. How was your nap?"

"Short," Meredith sighed. "She's kicking like crazy, making it hard for me to sleep. Ever."

"I remember those days very clearly," Carolyn smiled. "But you've got less than two months."

"I know," Meredith said as she leaned into the cushions. "Did Derek call? How'd his surgery go?"

"Yes, he had just finished his surgery about fifteen minutes ago," Carolyn nodded. "He had to fill out some paperwork and said he would be home in a couple hours, hopefully sooner."

"Great," Meredith sighed.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "I'm just…tired. And sore. And my hormones are all over the place, so I'm happy and sad and completely exhausted all at once. I don't really know what I'm feeling."

"That's normal," Carolyn said with an amused smile. "Derek did feel horrible about working on Christmas Eve. Your boss got quite the earful."

"I know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's such an idiot sometimes."

"He's his father's son," Carolyn said with a soft smile.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. She was silent for a moment before she asked, "It's normal, right? To be scared about being a mom?"

"Of course," Carolyn nodded. "I remember when I was pregnant with Kathleen, I cried for hours at a time, sure that I was going to be a horrible mother."

"But you're like…the most perfect mom ever," Meredith frowned.

"I'm sure my children would disagree with that," Carolyn laughed. "But thank you."

"Well, I grew up with the world's worst mom," Meredith sighed. "So I'm glad to have you to show me what to do."

"It will come naturally," Carolyn said with a smile, squeezing Meredith's hand. "I know it's scary, Meredith, but you're going to make an excellent mother."

"And Derek's going to be an amazing father," Meredith smiled.

"He's wanted to be a father for as long as I can remember," Carolyn nodded.

"Really?" Meredith asked, suddenly curious to hear about her husband's earlier days from his mother's perspective.

"Really," Carolyn nodded. "I don't believe he found out until after he married Addison that she never wanted to be a mother. I have never seen that man so broken."

"Oh," Meredith frowned, torn between the emotions of feeling sorry that her husband had been so heartbroken or relieved that his ex-wife hadn't been willing to do everything to make him happy.

"I don't suppose that it's easy for you to hear about when he was with Addison," Carolyn sighed. "I really should just keep my big mouth shut."

"It's okay," Meredith said. "I watched them be married or…kind of married for months."

"That must have been incredibly difficult," Carolyn sighed. "My son is a brilliant man, but sometimes his pride gets in the way of seeing what's right. That's why he needs you."

"I suppose," Meredith nodded. "I…is it okay for me to ask what he was like? In New York?"

"He was very focused on his career," Carolyn said. "He had his own practice, and lived quite the cushy life. Addison made sure their home was always perfect, that he was always dressed immaculately. At the time I thought he was happy, but…now that I see him here I know differently."

"Really?" Meredith breathed.

"He's happier than I've ever seen him," Carolyn said, reaching out to take Meredith's hand. "Back home…he went through the motions. Formalities of working, taking his wife out to dinner and the theater, coming to the obligatory family dinners and making the necessary small talk."

"I can't imagine that," Meredith said, briefly remembering watching Derek when his friends had come to the hospital and realizing that he could morph into a completely different person.

"Well, I'm positive that this is where he belongs," Carolyn nodded. "I hate that he had to move all the way across the country, but I now know that this is best for him. New York isn't home for him."

"I guess," Meredith sighed.

"Meredith?" Carolyn prompted, tilting her head to the side the same way Derek did when he was waiting for her to talk to him.

"It's nothing," she sighed. "I'm just pregnant and hormonal, but it scares me sometimes. That he was such a different person. What if he's just pretending now? None of you thought that he was unhappy. Addison didn't know it. Or maybe she did, because she slept with Mark, but…what happens if he gets sick of me?"

"Oh, Meredith," Carolyn sighed, pulling her into her arms. "Derek loves you. More than anything else in the world. And he's definitely not pretending to be happy. He's happier than I've ever seen him since his father's death."

"Really?" Meredith asked, resting her head on Carolyn's shoulder.

"Really," her mother in law nodded. "And to be perfectly honest, none of us particularly liked Addison."

"Nancy did," Meredith whispered.

"Nancy and Addison were roommates in college," Carolyn said softly. "That's how Derek met her. So the two of them have a unique relationship, but Nancy eventually realized that Addison was not suited for her brother. And while I realize that Addison is a lovely girl, she was not right for Derek. That's why I didn't give him my ring until I met you."

"Oh," Meredith whispered, trying to blink back tears. "I…I'm really sorry that he had to move so far away from New York. But I'm not too sorry, because I don't know where I'd be if he hadn't come out here. Or if he and Addison had never gotten divorced."

"Well, he's here where he belongs," Carolyn smiled as she pressed a kiss to the top of Meredith's head. "Speaking of which…"

Meredith straightened as she heard the front door open. Derek was home, and if he saw that she had been crying, he would completely freak out.

"Hey," he smiled as he entered the room, leaning down to kiss his mother's cheek before he collapsed on the couch beside Meredith, pulling her into his arms and kissing her quickly as he ran a hand over her stomach. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," Meredith smiled as she cuddled into his arms. "Did you tell everyone what time to come over?"

"They'll be here in a few hours," Derek nodded. "Christina said she was going to try to convince Alex to come but he was debating whether he wanted to go see Izzie's mom."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, surprised at her friend's sudden turn from arrogant show off to compassionate man. "Okay."

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked, running a hand over her stomach. "How's Katie?"

"She's good," Meredith smiled, moving his hand to the other side of her stomach. "Busy."

"She is," Derek laughed as he leaned down to kiss the top of her stomach. "Hi princess."

"How was your surgery?" Carolyn asked.

"Good," Derek nodded. "Patient lived."

"That's wonderful," Carolyn smiled. "I'm going to get started on dinner, give the two of you some time alone."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek said as he tightened his arms around Meredith.

"Hmm," she sighed, closing her eyes in contentment as she cuddled deeper into her husband's arms.

"You sure you're okay?" Derek asked, trailing a hand up and down her back.

"I'm sure," she nodded against his shoulder.

"You're awfully cuddly today," Derek laughed. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I'm just…you were stupid on call last night and I had to sleep alone even though I didn't really sleep because your daughter is going to be a soccer player or something," she sighed. "And I missed you. And it's Christmas Eve."

"Mer, I'm definitely not complaining," Derek laughed as he pulled her onto his lap. "I love cuddly Mer."

"Cuddly Mer loves you too," she sighed, trailing her finger over the open collar of his button down.

"Well, I'm glad it's a two way street," Derek laughed.

"Can we just…stay here?" she whispered. "Until everyone gets here? I just want to lay here."

"We can do that," Derek nodded. "We can definitely do that."

XXXXX

"Hi Mer!" Lexie exclaimed a couple hours later as she dragged Mark into the living room. "I haven't seen you in forever! Wow, you look fantastic."

"Hi Lexie," Meredith smiled as she struggled to her feet to hug her sister tightly before turning to Mark.

"Looking good, Big Grey," Mark smiled as he gave her a gentle hug, then turned to Derek. "Shep."

"Merry Christmas," Derek said as he pulled Meredith back to him, sitting down in his chair as Mark and Lexie sat on the couch.

"Everyone else is on the way," Lexie nodded. "Mark was too excited to wait."

"I was not excited," Mark rolled his eyes. "Hungry."

"It was so cute," Lexie giggled. "He was talking all day about how amazing Carolyn's Christmas dinner is and how we should come over early to help."

"Aw, you're such a mama's boy," Derek smirked.

"Derek, you're the one who asked her to move in with us," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I didn't ask her to move in with us," Derek said. "I said she could live in the trailer."

"I can't believe you were going to make your mother live in a trailer," Meredith said. "Especially when she has a perfectly nice house in New York."

"Right, but I'm here," Derek said.

"Mama's boy," Meredith giggled.

"You're mean."

"You can't call me mean," Meredith said firmly. "I'm carrying your baby."

"Right," Derek nodded, smoothing a hand along her rounded belly. "I forgot about that."

"Kind of hard to forget," Meredith sighed. "I look like I swallowed a basketball."

"You're cute," Derek laughed as he kiss the side of her head.

"Oh God," Christina's voice cut into the room as she and Owen appeared in the doorway. "You made me give up a shift at the hospital so I can watch the two of them being all disgusting?"

"It's Christmas Eve, Christina," Owen said, placing a hand on her back. "You're not spending it at the hospital."

"Well, instead of cleaning up other people's vomit, I'm going to be cleaning up my own," Christina sighed. "And I'm Jewish."

"Can't we just have a nice evening with our friends?" Owen sighed. "We'll have dinner, talk, have some drinks."

"I know," Christina sighed as she moved towards the loveseat. "So where's the McMama?"

"In the kitchen," Derek laughed. "And you'll be glad you didn't miss this to be at the hospital. Mom's Christmas dinner is amazing."

"I can't wait," Meredith breathed. "Katie and I are hungry."

Derek smiled as he tightened his arm around her. "I can go check if you want," he offered.

"No," Meredith shook her head, tightening her hand around his. "We can just do Christmasy things."

"This is Christmas," Derek laughed.

"Really?" she asked.

"Really," Derek nodded. "We're with our family. And tomorrow there will be presents for you and Katie, and then we'll drink eggnog and watch movies all day."

"Good," Meredith smiled.

"I um…" Lexie cleared her throat before she reached into her bag. "Our…my dad's with Molly today, but when I told them I was coming here, he asked me to bring this to you."

Meredith blinked in surprise as she leaned out of Derek's arms to take the small wrapped package from her sister's hands. "Oh," she whispered. "Do I…should I open it now?"

"If you want to," Derek murmured, running a comforting hand over her back.

"He said he understands why you can't forgive him," Lexie murmured. "But that you're his daughter and he has a lot of making up to do, so this is where he's going to start."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, turning to Derek and handing him the package. "Can you put it under the tree?"

"Of course," Derek nodded as he stood and moved towards the tree, smiling at his mother as she entered the room.

"Hello everyone," Carolyn smiled as she settled onto the couch beside Mark. "Dinner is almost ready."

"Thanks Mom," Meredith said softly.

"Now, has Derek told you about our Christmas tradition?" Carolyn asked.

"Christmas tradition?" Meredith asked, turning to look at her husband with wide eyebrows.

"We don't need to do that, Mom," Derek said quickly.

"Of course we do," Carolyn nodded. "Your sisters might not be here, Derek, but it's still what we do."

"What is it?" Meredith frowned, looking between Derek and Carolyn.

"We go around and tell our favorite Christmas memories," Carolyn said. "Some of them are quite amusing."

"Oh," Meredith said, looking down at her stomach as she squeezed Derek's hand tightly. This was her first Christmas. She didn't have any Christmas memories, and she was going to be completely lame and make her mother in law hate her.

"Mom, we don't have to do this," Derek sighed as he squeezed her hand.

"We're doing it, Derek Christopher."

"I'll go first," Mark laughed. "I remember the time that I put Derek's new frog in the microwave and Liz wanted to heat up some cider and found frog guts all over the microwave."

"That's just mean," Derek frowned. "I was traumatized."

"Mark, that's not the point and you know it," Carolyn sighed. "I remember the last Christmas that Michael was alive. Caitlin was just a baby, but Michael bought Derek his first tackle box, and you were so excited sweetheart. You made him take you out to the lake the next week even though he knew there wasn't any fish in the water."

"I remember that too," Derek said with a smile on his face. "But I think this Christmas is topping the list."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, leaning into his arms. He was making sure she wasn't going to have to admit that she'd never had a real Christmas before. "Me too. We're married, and we're having a baby, so…this is amazing."

"I remember the Christmas where I got my first bike," Lexie smiled. "My mom stood outside on the driveway with me for hours until I could do it myself."

"I'll pass," Christina announced.

"Christina," Owen groaned.

"What?" she exclaimed. "I'm Jewish, I don't do Christmas."

"Fine," Owen sighed as he turned back to the group. "Well, I remember the Christmas I spent in Iraq. There was limited fighting, and the Army sent us this amazing dinner. It wasn't much, especially compared to this, but it was the first day off I'd had in nearly a year, and it was amazing to not have to worry about saving lives while protecting myself. For that one day, I was just a person, not a soldier."

"That's really wonderful," Meredith heard herself whisper, touched by Owen's honesty.

"Alright, dinner should be ready," Carolyn nodded as she stood and moved towards the door.

"Good, I'm starving," Mark said as he grabbed Lexie's hand and followed Carolyn, Christina and Owen trailing behind them.

"Thank you for saving me," Meredith sighed as Derek pulled her to her feet and into his arms.

"My pleasure," he smiled as he led her towards the door. "Love you."

Meredith smiled as she entered the dining room with Derek. This Christmas was amazing, and for the first time in the past six months, the ache in her heart finally seemed less painful.


	19. Chapter 19

Derek rolled over in bed, squinting slightly as he tried to read the bright red numbers glowing from Meredith's side of the bed. 6:01. He smiled as he cuddled closer to his wife, burying his face in the back of her head and wrapping an arm over her swollen belly as he slid a leg in between hers. He knew that if he was back in New York his nieces and nephews would have woken them up long ago, and as much as he wanted to experience his first real Christmas in Seattle, his first real Christmas with the love of his life, he also knew that his very pregnant wife would not appreciate being woken up so early. So he would just lay here, cuddling with his wife as his daughter gently kicked against his palm as he waited for her to wake up.

He couldn't believe how amazing the past week had been. He had anticipated Meredith being grumpy and cynical during the Christmas season, her self proclaimed hatred of Christmas combined with her third trimester pregnancy hormones and the sting of spending the first Christmas without her friends had made him almost dread the day. But she had completely risen above his expectations, not only admitting that Christmas wasn't that bad when it was done right, but also spending hours the night before with Christina and Alex, who had shown up late, talking and laughing about memories of George and Izzie. Even her hormones weren't as bad as he'd heard from his brothers in law, but he knew it wouldn't be long before she was completely sick of being pregnant and began snapping at him for making her this way. He'd seen all of his sisters go through it, but he couldn't wait.

"Hi princess," Derek smiled as Meredith shifted onto her back, giving him full access to her rounded belly where his daughter was kicking gently. "Are you excited for your first Christmas? I know it's not really your first Christmas, but Mommy and I have presents for you anyways. There's going to be lots of food too, Grandma loves to cook for Christmas. And this is Mommy's first real Christmas too, so the two of you can share this together. Don't worry, sweetheart, I'll make sure that my girls have the best first Christmas ever. Until next year at least."

"Derek," his wife groaned as she turned her back to him and buried her face in her pillow.

"Sorry," he smiled slightly as he moved back to lie beside her, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Katie and I didn't mean to wake you."

"Right," Meredith sighed as she turned over to look at him carefully, a smile coming across her lips. "Hi."

"Hi," Derek smiled as he leaned in again to kiss her again, this time on the lips. "Merry Christmas."

Meredith smiled widely as she reached up to thread her fingers through his thick hair, messy with curls. "Merry Christmas," she whispered. "Our first Christmas. Katie's first Christmas. Kind of."

"I was just telling Katie that she and Mommy are going to have the best Christmas ever," Derek said as he ran a hand over her stomach.

"Katie and I appreciate it," Meredith smiled as she pulled herself into a sitting position. "Do you think Mom's up yet?"

"Mer, if she was in New York the nieces and nephews would have woken her up hours ago," Derek laughed. "I'm positive that she's up. It's nine in New York, the family's been up for hours."

"Does that mean we can…presents?"

"We can definitely have presents," Derek laughed. "It's the best part. You want to get dressed?"

"Not really," Meredith sighed as she moved towards their bathroom. "Is that bad? Am I supposed to dress up?"

"You're allowed to stay in your pajamas on Christmas," Derek nodded as he pulled his robe on. "And you're pregnant, so you can stay in your pajamas every day for now on if you want to."

"I think I'd start to stink," she giggled as she appeared back in the bedroom and reached for her own robe.

"I'd still love you," Derek laughed as she leaned into his arms, letting him guide her down the stairs.

"Good, considering I have to put up with your stupid morning breath all the time," Meredith giggled.

"That's just mean."

"You used to complain about my snoring all the time," Meredith pointed out. "It's a fair trade."

"I think the snoring's stopped," Derek said. "Hopefully that's a permanent side effect of pregnancy."

Meredith rolled her eyes and pulled out of his arms as they entered the living room. "You're an idiot," she said.

"Fine, I'm an idiot," Derek laughed as she sat down on the couch. "You feel okay? Are you hungry?"

"A little," she sighed. "Do we do breakfast before presents? Or after? I really don't know how to do this."

"Well, usually presents come before anything because the kids seem to think that the world will end if they don't open them before sunrise," Derek laughed. "But since it's just the three of us, we can do whatever you want. I want this Christmas to be special for you."

"I don't know how Christmas works," Meredith whispered. "I want to make sure I do it right."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed, kneeling down in front of her and taking her hands. "Stop worrying about whether you're doing this. There's no set way to do Christmas. It's just a day, a day where we can just spend time together and be happy, open some presents. That's it."

"Okay," she sighed, biting her lower lip.

"How about we eat while we open presents?" Derek asked. "Knowing Mom, she's probably already made her specialty cinnamon rolls. She makes them every Christmas, and I think I can smell them already."

"You know me well," Carolyn said as she entered the living room, balancing a tray in her hands. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas Mom," Derek smiled as he stood and pressed a kiss to his mother's cheek.

"Merry Christmas," Meredith murmured.

"How are you feeling, dear?" Carolyn asked as she set the tray full of rolls and milk on the table.

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "A little heartburn, but I'm fine, really. We can have Christmas."

"Have some milk," Carolyn said, handing her a glass. "It always helped me when I was pregnant with Derek."

"Thanks," Meredith said, sipping eagerly.

"So we were thinking that we could eat and open presents at the same time," Derek said as he handed Meredith a cinnamon roll.

"That sounds perfect," Carolyn sighed. "It does feel weird not to have your nieces and nephews here."

"Next year," Derek nodded. "Mer needs to experience a New York Christmas. And Katie will need to meet the rest of her family."

"Good," Carolyn smiled, kissing his forehead before she moved towards the tree. "Who first?"

"I think Katie should go first," Derek said, reaching for a small present under the tree wrapped in princess paper.

"Does Mommy have to open if for her?" Meredith giggled as Derek handed the present to her.

"If she wants to," Derek said.

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled as she tore the wrapping paper off, her eyes widening as she saw a framed picture of her, flanked by Izzie and George, as the three of them laughed wildly. "Derek…"

"She should know her aunt and uncle," Derek said. "And understand how much they meant to you."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered. "Derek, I…thank you. This is so completely amazing."

"You're welcome," he smiled. "You're next."

"Hmmm…Mom can go," Meredith said, standing and walking towards them, bracing herself on his shoulder as she lowered herself to the floor.

"Are you okay on the floor?" he asked, a hand going to her back.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I want to be down here with you."

"Okay," Derek said, wrapping an arm around her.

"Although it might take a forklift to get me up," Meredith giggled as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"I think I can take care of it," Derek laughed. "Here, Mom. This is from me and Mer."

Carolyn smiled as she reached for the envelope Derek was holding out to her. She ran her eyes over the words for a moment before she turned to look at them with wide eyes. "Derek," she said. "Are you sure?"

"We're sure," Meredith answered for him. "We've loved having you here, Mom. And we'd love to build you your own house on our land."

"I don't…the girls are all still in New York," Carolyn said. "Derek, you know I love you, but New York…that's where I built a life with your father."

"We're not asking you to move here permanently," Derek said. "Unless you want to, but we figured you wouldn't. We just want you to have your own home here for when you wanted to come out for extended amounts of time. Like now."

Carolyn blinked back tears. "Derek, this means a lot to me," she whispered. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around her. "And this is from Mark too. We love having you here."

"My boys," Carolyn breathed. "Thank you, sweetheart."

"You're welcome," Derek said, kissing her cheek before turning back to Meredith. "Your turn, Mer."

Meredith smiled as she reached for a present. "From Derek," she smiled as she pulled the paper off. "Oh," she whispered as she pulled the necklace out of the box. "Derek, it's beautiful."

"Are you sure you like it?" he asked as she examined it closely. "I put our birthstones and Katie's on there. I know you don't usually like jewelry, but I thought this was different. If you don't like it, I can get you something else…"

"Don't you dare," Meredith smiled as she leaned in to kiss him. "It's perfect."

"Good," Derek smiled as he gently took the necklace from her hands and hooked it around her neck. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled as she fingered the necklace. "Here."

Derek smiled as he took the offered present, tearing the wrapping paper off and taking a deep breath as he saw a frame boasting five ultrasound pictures, progressing from their first picture of Katie to the most recent, where her tiny face where every detail as completely clear.

"Mer," he breathed.

"I know it's not a necklace or anything," she said. "But you're always saying that you kept meaning to put ultrasound pictures in your office, and I left a space for her first real picture, after she's born you know."

"I love it," Derek said, leaning forward to kiss her. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you like it," she whispered.

"It's perfect."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward to lean the frame against the coffee table, unable to believe how perfect such a simple gift was. "Here's one for us and Katie from Mom," he said.

"You open it," Meredith sighed as her hand tightened over her stomach.

Derek smiled as he pulled the paper off of a large box, revealing a wooden chest. He opened it to reveal a collection of toys, stuffed animals, and a soft knitted blanket. "Mom," he whispered.

"Your father insisted that we save all of your baby things for when you have children of your own," Carolyn said with a soft smile. "This was the last box left, but I'm more than happy to pass it on to you. You're both going to make amazing parents."

"Wow," Meredith whispered as she leaned over Derek's shoulder to look at the collection of children's toys. "This is all your stuff?" she asked.

"All my toys," Derek said, a fond smile playing over his lips. "Between this and Anatomy Jane, Katie won't need any toys of her own."

"Don't mock my doll," Meredith giggled. "Hopefully our daughter will be able to remember the actual names of the organs."

"Well, you're an amazing doctor and you couldn't remember them, so I think we're safe," he laughed. "Thanks, Mom."

"It's perfect," Meredith smiled as she moved a hand to her stomach. "And Katie says thanks, Grandma."

"You're more than welcome," Carolyn said. "Now there's one gift left."

"Oh," Meredith said as she laid eyes on the small gift Lexie had brought the day before on behalf of Thatcher. Derek saw her eyes cloud with fear, and he reached out to squeeze her hand.

"You don't have to accept it, Mer," he murmured.

"No I want to know what it is," she sighed. "I just don't know where the boundaries are with him."

"You don't owe him anything," Derek whispered. "Whatever you're comfortable with."

Meredith sighed as she reached for the present, holding it for a moment before she slowly tore the paper off and opened the box. "Oh," she whispered.

"What is it?" Derek asked, peering over her shoulder to see a tiny bracelet, a charm with an M hanging off of it. "A bracelet."

"He says he was going to give it to me for the next Christmas before he left," Meredith whispered, her eyes trailing over the paper. "He tried to see me in Boston, but my mother wouldn't let him. So he says that even though it's thirty years later, he's giving me my present. And he wants us to make the bracelet for our daughter."

Derek smiled as he squeezed her shoulder. "That's a very nice gesture," he said, treading carefully. He never knew how his would be feeling about her father at any particular moment in time.

"Yeah," she sighed. "It doesn't forgive the abandonment or the slapping or the blaming me for his wife's death, but…it's nice."

"Do you want to give it to Katie?" he asked.

Meredith was silent for a moment as she ran a finger over the silver bracelet. "Yeah," she whispered. "I do."

"We'll get her a K," Derek nodded. "And a D."

"For Derek," Meredith smiled.

"Well, I was thinking Daddy, but conveniently each of our names start with the same letter as Mommy and Daddy," he laughed.

"Good point," she sighed as she moved a hand to her back, grimacing slightly.

"You okay?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I just…should get off the floor."

"Come here," Derek said as he pulled her into his arms and lifting her off the ground.

"Thanks for my presents," Meredith smiled as she leaned into him.

"And thank you for mine," Derek said, leading her to the couch.

"This is my favorite Christmas ever," she said, rubbing her hand over her stomach. "Katie agrees."

"Well, I'm glad I could provide," Derek said, rubbing a hand over her stomach as it moved gently under his touch. "Hi, princess."

"She says hi, Daddy," Meredith sighed, leaning into the pillows.

"Are you okay?" Derek frowned, noticing the grimace on her face.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I'm pregnant, Derek. I'm going to be miserable for the next ten weeks."

"I know," he said. "That doesn't mean I like it."

"You made me this way," she shrugged, but the sparkle in her eyes told him that it wasn't a real mood swing.

"Well, next time you want a baby, I'll make sure to not have sex with you," Derek laughed.

"We didn't actually want a baby," Meredith pointed out sadly.

"Which Katie will never know," Derek nodded firmly.

"Never," Meredith agreed.

They were silent for a moment before she whispered, "I miss them."

"I know," Derek said. "But they'd be so proud of you, Mer. You're already proving to be an amazing mother."

"Izzie would have been so excited," Meredith nodded. "She loved babies."

"She probably would have gone completely overboard," Derek said.

"Probably," Meredith giggled.

"But she would have loved Katie completely."

"That's why she's named after her," Meredith whispered. "And our next one…if it's a boy we can name him after George."

"Of course," Derek sighed. "It will fade, Mer. I still miss my dad every single day, but it hurts less. Having you and waiting for Katie makes it hurt less."

"I know," Meredith smiled as she snuggled closer to him. She closed her eyes in contentment, enjoying her first real Christmas, and for a moment, she thought she heard Izzie's voice whispering congratulations in her ear.


	20. Chapter 20

"Your daughter is trying to kill me."

Derek looked up in surprise, seeing his wife's very pregnant body framed by the door to his office. "Um…are you okay?" he asked cautiously.

"No, I'm not okay," she snapped. "I'm thirty three weeks pregnant, Derek. And thanks to your baby, I was kicked out of the OR."

"Who kicked you out of the OR?" Derek frowned.

"The Chief," she sighed as she moved into the room, collapsing onto the couch. "He says I should be at home getting ready for Katie to be born. He's Mommy tracking me, Derek."

Derek looked at her for a moment, trying to figure out if telling her that he agreed with the Chief would get his head bitten off.

"Don't even say that he's right, because I swear, Derek Christopher, I will make you sleep in the trailer," she snapped.

"Right," Derek nodded. "He definitely shouldn't have kicked you out. Are you sure you're feeling okay though?"

"I'm just tired," Meredith sighed. "But it wasn't like I was putting the patient in danger or anything."

"I know, Mer," Derek said as he moved to kneel in front of her on the couch. "But…are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "There's no reason I shouldn't wait until Katie's born to stop working."

"They won't let you stay in the OR for much longer," he said softly. "Especially if the Braxton Hicks keep up."

"I know," she sighed. "But I'll go crazy if I stay at home, Der. I'm a surgeon. I can't just wait for her to come at home."

"There's only seven weeks until she's here," Derek said. "And Mom will be there. I'm not going to tell you that you can't work, Mer, but it would make me feel a little better. The last thing you need is to have your water break in the middle of the OR or to go into labor in the middle of the pit."

"That would be bad," she giggled softly.

"Think about it," Derek said, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead as he settled beside her.

"I will," she sighed, leaning into him. "I can't believe we're so close to having Katie. She's almost here."

"She's almost here," Derek said, running a hand over her stomach. "She's a busy little girl today."

"She is," Meredith sighed. "How long are you here? I know it depends on the surgery, but…what time will you be off?"

"Six," Derek said. "I'll drive you home."

"Gee thanks," Meredith giggled. "I'm glad you're not going to make me walk. Katie appreciates it too."

"Don't be sarcastic," Derek said as he squeezed her to him. "You want to stay in here for a bit?"

Before Meredith could respond, there was a knock on the half open door and Mark poked his head in. "Shep," he said. "Chief wants to see us. There's some big meeting in his office."

"Why?" Derek frowned.

"Paged all the department heads to his office," Mark said. "Then started rambling something about you being distracted by your daughter when you didn't show up right away."

"Hmm," Derek frowned as he turned to Meredith. "You can stay here as long as you want."

"Thanks," she sighed as she leaned into the pillows, pulling a blanket over her body. "Love you."

"I love you too," Derek said, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead before he followed Mark out the door, gently pulling it closed behind him to give Meredith as much privacy as possible.

"Big Grey getting crabby?" Mark asked as they moved quickly down the hall towards the Chief's office.

"That's an understatement," Derek sighed. "She's refusing to take her maternity leave yet."

"It's not like she can actually scrub in," Mark pointed out as they started across the bridge to the Chief's office. "What happens if the kid kicks and she kills a patient when she flinches?"

"I know that," Derek nodded. "But I can't force her to leave. She loves working, I don't know how to get her to take leave."

"Good luck with that," Mark laughed as he opened the door to the Chief's office where Richard was sitting across from Owen and an unfamiliar younger man. Derek closed the door before he turned to Richard expectantly.

"Dr. Shepherd," Richard nodded. "Glad you could join us."

"Sorry sir," Derek sighed as he and Mark stood on opposite sides of the room. "What's going on?"

"I wanted the three of you to be the first to meet Dr. Joseph Watkins," Richard said, gesturing to the man beside Owen.

"Nice to meet you," Derek said, nodding to the young doctor. "Late intern?"

"The board has hired him as a third year resident," Richard said cautiously.

Derek tensed, meeting Owen's eyes as he nodded slightly. "You're replacing O'Malley and Stevens," he stated.

"Derek, we need more surgeons," Richard said. "I've put this off as long as I can, but this hospital needs doctors. Dr. Watkins is one of the best."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, his stress level immediately peaking. He wasn't sure he could handle this right now. "Could I speak with you privately?" he asked.

"Derek, I know this is hard…" Richard started.

"I would prefer to have this conversation in private," Derek said firmly.

Richard rolled his eyes as he turned to the other doctors. "Dr. Sloan, please introduce Dr. Watkins to his colleagues and show him to the residents' locker room," he said.

"Of course," Owen nodded as he stood.

"Don't tell Meredith," Derek said softly, ignoring the warning looks of the Chief and Dr. Watkins. "Please."

Owen stared at him for a moment before he said, "I don't believe we'll run into the other Dr. Shepherd."

"Thank you," Derek breathed, exhaling in relief before he turned to the Chief, waiting for the door to close before he turned to his boss with flashing eyes. "What the hell are you doing?"

"It's been seven months," Richard said evenly. "We need replacements."

"You can't do this," Derek shook his head. "Meredith is stressed out enough as it is. She's only at thirty three weeks, and this kind of surprise could send her into early labor."

"Don't be dramatic," Richard snapped. "This hospital does not revolve around you and your family."

"And yet you've always made sure to make my wife's life a living hell," Derek snapped. "Including Mommy tracking her and replacing her dead best friend's position in this hospital weeks before she's going to go into labor."

"I couldn't delay it any longer," Richard said. "And Meredith should not be working anymore."

"I know that," Derek replied. "But somehow I think this would be a lot easier if you would treat her the same as every other resident in this hospital."

Before Richard could respond, Derek's pager went off at his hip and he looked down at it to see Meredith's number flashing across the screen. "I have to go."

"Don't walk away from me," Richard ordered as he stood, meeting Derek's eyes evenly.

"My wife needs me," Derek replied, not breaking eye contact. "I have to make sure that any of your complete disregard for her feelings has not completely broken her."

He turned and stormed out of the office, slamming the door behind him as he hurried towards his office. He knew he had over reacted to the announcement of the Chief's decision to replace George and Izzie, but like Meredith, he was at the end of his rope. He was ready to have his little girl in his arms, ready for his wife to stop being miserable, and ready to spend some time away from the stress of this job. Sometimes it was too much.

"Mer," he breathed as he opened the door to his office, rushing to her side as he saw her doubled over on the couch, clutching her stomach tightly. "Are you okay?"

"It hurts," Meredith whispered, her tear filled eyes meeting his worried ones as she reached for his hand. "Derek, something's wrong. It hurts."

"Okay," Derek breathed, swallowing his panic as he reached out to rub her back. "What hurts?"

"I think…contractions," she whimpered as she breathed deeply, her body relaxing after a moment.

"You're having contractions?" Derek asked, trying to bite back his fear. Meredith didn't need to see that right now.

"Derek, there's still seven weeks until she's full term," Meredith whispered.

"Okay, you're going to be fine," Derek said. "Can you stand?"

"Yeah," she whispered, leaning into his arms as he pulled her to her feet.

"I'm sure it's just Braxton Hicks," Derek tried to comfort her. "But we're going to go see Dr. Cooper just in case."

"But it's…ow," Meredith groaned, stopping as she leaned against a wall and reached for his arm, her fingers digging into his bare skin. "Derek…"

"Just breathe," Derek whispered. "It's okay."

"Everyone's looking," Meredith whispered, though her eyes were squeezed shut as she grasped his arm tightly.

"No one's looking," Derek assured her. "Do you need a wheelchair?"

"No," she shook her head. "Just…elevator?"

"Definitely," Derek said, grabbing her hand as they waited for the elevator.

She had to be okay. Nothing could happen to Katie or Meredith, they were his entire world, and he had to make sure they would be okay. He squeezed her hand as they stepped onto the car, and he smiled slightly as he looked down at her. "This is where we got engaged," he said softly.

"I remember," Meredith said, a flash of happiness appearing briefly in her worried eyes.

"After you rejected me twice," Derek laughed, hoping that if he kept her mind off of the pain she would calm down.

"You threw the ring in my face," she sighed as she leaned into the wall, her body tensing again.

"Breathe," Derek murmured as he moved to her side, rubbing her back in slow circles.

"Derek," his wife whimpered as she looked up at him, her hand cradling her belly protectively. "Something's wrong."

XXXXX

"Okay, Meredith," Dr. Cooper sighed as she stepped back from the exam table a few minutes later. "You've been experiencing false labor."

"That's it?" Meredith asked, worry in her eyes. "I mean…it felt real. It didn't feel false."

"It's really not anything to worry about," Dr. Cooper said. "Some mother begin false labor as early as thirty weeks."

"Are you sure it's false labor?" Derek frowned.

"I'm sure, Dr. Shepherd," Dr. Cooper smiled, an amused smile playing on her lips. "There's no dilation, Meredith isn't effaced at all. I'm a little concerned about how strong the contractions were, but I honestly believe that your daughter will be carried to term."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, her eyes trained on the screen where the newest ultrasound of their daughter was on display. "I…should I be on bed rest?"

"Bed rest isn't necessary," Dr. Cooper shook her head. "But I am going to suggest that you stop working."

Derek fought the urge to breathe out a sigh on relief. He knew that Meredith would never listen to him or the Chief, but if she thought their baby girl was in danger, he knew she would do anything in her power to care for her. She would definitely listen to their doctor.

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "I…I'll go talk to the Chief right now and this will be my last day."

"Good," Dr. Cooper nodded. "Warm baths can help with the pain as well. And on a personal note…warm milk always helped me."

"Thanks," Meredith said, squeezing Derek's hand tightly.

"And you're sure she's okay?" Derek asked. "We live pretty far out, so it's okay if she goes home? Did you check for pre-eclampsia? What if she starts bleeding? Do any of her tests show signs of gestational diabetes?"

"This is why I love having doctors as patients," Dr. Cooper sighed as she reached for the chart. "Meredith is fine to go home. Her water hasn't broken, she hasn't had any dizziness or spotted vision, so there are no signs of pre-eclampsia. If gestational diabetes were to be a problem, we would have picked up on it months ago, and you're fine to go home, so long as you avoid any stress. You don't need to be on strict bed rest, but I'd avoid any strenuous activity. Avoid cooking and cleaning as much as possible."

Derek rolled his eyes. "That shouldn't be a problem," he muttered.

Meredith smacked his arm before turning back to Dr. Cooper. "Everything is okay?" she asked. "I mean, as a doctor, I know that everything is okay, but as a mom…I just need to be positive."

"Meredith, you know that I can't guarantee that everything will be fine," Dr. Cooper said gently. "But as long as you relax and avoid any stress, I see no reason why your daughter won't be perfectly healthy when she's born to term. Which will probably be in four or five weeks, not seven."

"Okay," Meredith nodded.

"No more stress," Derek said, lifting his eyes to the ceiling as he said a quick prayer that she wouldn't run into the new surgical resident.

"And I'm going to have to ask you to come in for weekly appointments," Dr. Cooper added as she stood. "If you do start to have dizzy spells or the contractions become closer together or more intense, come in right away."

"We will," Derek nodded firmly as he helped Meredith to her feet.

"Don't be scared," Dr. Cooper said. "False labor isn't really anything to be scared of, so long as you promise to take your activity level down a little. I'll see you in a week or so."

"Have a good afternoon," Derek nodded as Dr. Cooper stepped out of the room.

"Derek," Meredith whispered as he turned to look at her.

Derek leaned forward to kiss her gently before he squeezed her hand tightly. "Katie's going to be fine," he assured her. "And so will you."

"I want to go home," Meredith whispered. "Can we…can I just go home?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded. "You can go change in my office while I go tell the Chief that we're taking our leave."

"You're not going on leave until she's born," Meredith rolled her eyes as they started down the hall.

"Yes I am," Derek nodded firmly. "Meredith, if you're going to go into labor at home, then I need to be there."

"Mom will be there," Meredith rolled her eyes. "If you're not at home, you'll be at the hospital when I go into labor."

"Meredith, I'm not going to miss a minute of this," Derek insisted as they entered the elevator. "And I'm not going to leave Mom to take care of you while I go to work."

"Derek, it's fine," Meredith sighed, wincing slightly. "Katie will be fine. And Mom knows how to take care of a very pregnant woman. She did it for all your sisters, not to mention that she's been there five times herself."

"I know," Derek said. "But I need to be there, Mer. I've waited so long for a baby and I promised you that I would be there for you no matter what happened. I'm taking my leave, whether you like it or not."

Meredith smiled as she leaned into him. "Thank you," she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled, kissing the top of her head before he gently pushed her towards the opening doors of the elevator. "Go ahead to change in my office," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes after I talk to the Chief."

"Okay," Meredith sighed as she moved off of the elevator, a hand rubbing over her belly as she waddled down the hall.

Derek took a deep breath as he leaned against the wall of the elevator, watching his wife until the doors slid closed to block her from his view.

He wasn't sure that he'd ever been as scared as he had been just an hour before. The fear of losing his wife and daughter had been playing in the back of his mind for the past several months, since George and Izzie had died and they'd found out about the beautiful baby girl in his wife's stomach. But now things were…bigger somehow. Rationally he knew that Meredith was going to be fine, that almost every pregnant woman suffered from false labor. But that didn't change the fact that he had been completely terrified when he'd walked into his office to see Meredith hunched over in so much pain. It was in that moment that he finally realized exactly how quickly he could lose everything that meant the world to him.

He had to talk to the Chief, he had to make sure that he and Meredith had the next few months off so they could get adjusted to life with their little girl. He needed to be there for his girls.

He had a feeling that Katie was going to be here sooner rather than later.


	21. Chapter 21

Three and a half weeks.

Meredith had been completely bored for three and a half weeks now as she waited for her daughter to be born. She'd barely left the house, save for the few visits to the doctor and once to have dinner at Mark and Lexie's, but she'd mostly stayed home, making sure that everything was completely ready for Katie to come. Her nursery was finished and the play room was already filled with toys.

The day before, Dr. Cooper had informed her that she was about fifty percent effaced and a centimeter and a half dilated, causing Derek to completely freak out. Although she wasn't in active labor, Derek had completely gone overboard making sure that everything was all set to get to the hospital when the time came, some time in the next couple days according to Dr. Cooper.

"Hi Mom," she sighed as she walked into the kitchen and collapsed onto a chair at the table.

"How are you feeling, Meredith?" Carolyn asked, rushing to her side. "Do you want something to eat?"

"No," Meredith sighed. "Maybe some juice?"

"Of course," Carolyn nodded. "Apple or orange?"

"Apple please," Meredith nodded, a hand moving lazily over her stomach. "Where's Derek?"

"He's putting the car seat in the car," Carolyn smiled as she handed Meredith her glass. "He's very excited that Katie will be here soon."

"I know he is," Meredith sighed.

"And you?" Carolyn asked, sitting down across the table from Meredith with a sandwich in front of her.

"I'm excited," Meredith nodded. "Of course I'm excited because she's my daughter. But I'm terrified too. And right now, that's kind of over powering the excitement of her being here."

"You're still scared that you're not going to be a good mother?" Carolyn frowned.

"No," Meredith sighed. "Or well, yes, but right now I'm terrified of labor."

"Ah," Carolyn said with a smile. "That's normal."

"I've never done it, and I know it's natural or whatever, but…there are complications," Meredith whispered. "Scary complications."

"Scary and rare," Carolyn assured her. "You and Katie are going to be completely fine."

"I hope so," Meredith sighed. "I just…when I think about what could happen to her or me or both of us….it makes me want to keep her in there."

"I know it's scary," Carolyn said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "But in the end when you hold your little girl in your arms for the first time, it will be completely worth it. I promise."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I wish I could just have her right now. I want her so badly."

"She'll be here soon enough," Carolyn smiled. "By the end of the week."

"Which is causing Derek to completely freak out," Meredith giggled.

"That boy has never been able to sit still," Carolyn smiled. "He's very excited to be a father."

"He's going to be amazing," Meredith nodded. "He already loves her so much."

"He loves both of you," Carolyn said. "And he's making sure that you're both receiving the best of care."

"Alright, the car seat is in," Derek announced. "I also made sure that the camera and video camera are in the trunk, along with Katie's blanket and the outfit we want to take her home in."

"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?" Meredith asked as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "As soon as you tell me what you need, I'll pack your bag and put it in the trunk as well."

"You're insane," Meredith informed him.

"I'm prepared," Derek argued.

"Well, I see Boy Scouts taught you well," Carolyn said with a smile as she moved to place her plate in the dishwasher.

"You were a Boy Scout?" Meredith giggled. "Somehow I can't imagine that."

"I was the perfect Boy Scout," Derek said.

"Yes, I'm sure that's why I had to drive out to Connecticut to pick you up from camp early," Carolyn said.

"You got kicked out of Boy Scout Camp?" Meredith asked.

"It was Mark's fault," Derek insisted. "He's the one that snuck over to Girl Scout Camp and put the snake in the shower."

"Hmm, that's interesting that they found you guarding the bathroom door," Carolyn replied.

"I married a rebel," Meredith giggled as she leaned forward to kiss him. "You're such a bad boy," she murmured in a low voice.

"Mer," he groaned, shifting uncomfortably in his chair.

Meredith giggled as she pulled away from him, reaching for her glass. "We should do something today," she said.

"Do something?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "These are the last couple days just the two of us. We should…I don't know, go on a date or something."

"We can do that," Derek nodded. "As long as we stay within a ten mile range of the hospital."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"I mapped out routes to the hospital from various points in Seattle," Derek said. "We have to make sure we get there as quickly as possible."

"Seriously?" Meredith asked. Her husband was an idiot.

"Seriously," Derek nodded, reaching for a pile of papers from the counter. "And I got the schedule of who's working at what times, so we know which door to go to."

"Are you delusional?" Meredith asked. "We can just go into the hospital like normal people. We don't need an entire surgical team waiting for us at the front door."

"Well, we only need to go to the front door if it's night time and no one we know is on call," Derek nodded. "If it's night time and Lexie's on call, we go to the pit and she'll meet us there to give us priority."

"I can't believe you did this," Meredith frowned as she winced slightly. She hated practice contractions.

"Well, if it's during the day we can go to the clinic and sneak in that way," Derek nodded. "Mark and I have a system set up. But if he's in surgery…"

"Derek," Meredith breathed as a sharp, sudden pain rocked through her body.

"I know you think this is crazy, but it's necessary," Derek nodded. "If it's over the weekend we'll have to go in the front door because the clinic isn't open."

"Derek," she said, reaching for his hand.

"And if it happens Sunday night Mark's on call, so he'll have a room all set up and page Dr. Cooper a 911."

"Derek, is there a plan for the afternoon?" Meredith asked, her fingers digging into his arm.

"Yeah, Lex will meet us at the ER door," Derek nodded. "Why?"

"Because it's the afternoon right now," Meredith said, clutching her stomach. "And I'm in labor."

"Seriously?" Derek asked. "Really in labor not just false labor?"

"Really in labor," Meredith gasped, the pain ceased. "I thought it was just practice, but they're getting closer together."

"Okay, we…hospital," Derek nodded.

"I'll drive," Carolyn nodded. "You can sit in the back with her."

"Hospital," Derek nodded. "Katie's coming."

"Katie's coming," Meredith giggled as she braced herself on the table and pulled herself to her feet.

"Oh God," Derek breathed as he sank back into the kitchen chair.

"Derek?" Meredith asked as she looked down at him with a frown. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he breathed. "I just…Katie's coming."

"I know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We have to get to the hospital."

"I'm going to be a father."

Meredith exchanged a worried glance with Carolyn before she turned back to her husband. "Are you sure you're okay?" she asked.

"I just…" Derek turned to the garbage can and began to cough up the contents of his stomach.

"Seriously?" Meredith shouted, bracing herself against the counter as another contraction washed over her. "I'm in labor and you're throwing up? Seriously?"

"I…" Derek took a deep breath before he turned back to the garbage can.

"Alright," Carolyn sighed as she stepped forward to squeeze Meredith's hand. "It's alright, dear. Just breathe through it."

"It hurts," Meredith whimpered as she leaned over, clutching her stomach. "It really hurts."

"I know," Carolyn sighed, rubbing a hand over her back. "It will be over in a moment."

"Derek…"

"I'm here," he said, reaching her side and grasping her other hand.

"Are you done throwing up?" she snapped.

"Sorry," Derek breathed. "I'm just…nervous."

"You're nervous," Meredith repeated, anger suddenly taking over the pain of the contractions. "Derek, your daughter is about to completely tear my body to pieces and you're nervous? Seriously? Seriously."

"I've never done this before, Mer, I'm nervous," Derek sighed as he rubbed her back.

"You don't have to do anything," Meredith snapped. "All you have to do is sit there and watch while your daughter attacks my body. And this is all your fault. You and your stupid boy penis had to go and knock me up."

"I wasn't actually trying to get you pregnant," Derek pointed out.

"Well you did," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And now I have to have a baby, Derek. A baby. So I don't need you sitting in a corner throwing up while I'm trying to give birth to your baby."

"I'm done throwing up, I promise," Derek nodded.

"You better be," Meredith snapped. "Or else you're not allowed in the delivery room."

"What?" Derek frowned. "It's my baby."

"And you're an idiot."

"Alright, we don't have time to debate this," Carolyn said with an amused smile. "We have to get to the hospital."

"I'll call Mark and Lexie on the way," Derek nodded.

"And Dr. Cooper," Meredith breathed as she walked slowly out the door.

"Definitely Dr. Cooper," Derek said as he helped her into the car.

"Ow," Meredith breathed as another shot of pain ripped through her. "Derek…"

"It's okay," he whispered, squeezing her hand tightly. "Just breathe."

"I can't," she whimpered. "It hurts."

"Just follow my breathing okay?" Derek whispered. "I know it hurts, but you just have to breathe."

Meredith inhaled deeply a few times before she felt a sudden wetness between her legs. "My water," she whispered.

"Hmmm?" Derek asked.

"My water just broke," she whispered.

"That's good, Mer," he whispered into her hair. "Katie's coming."

"Now," Meredith said, her body relaxing. "She's coming now."

"We'll have our little girl by tonight," Derek nodded. "And we'll see how completely perfect she is."

"At least we already know she has my nose, not yours," Meredith giggled as she tried to keep her mind off of her contracting body.

"I know that's an insult," Derek smiled as he reached out to stroke some hair behind her ear. "But your nose is perfect, so I'm okay with the fact that my little girl has your nose."

Meredith smiled slightly, but then another contraction hit and she squeezed her eyes closed as she gripped his hand tightly. "Derek…"

"Breathe," he whispered. "I'm right here, just breathe with me. It will pass."

Meredith felt a tear streak down her cheek as her stomach contracted again, the pain washing over her entire body.

"It will be done soon," he murmured.

"This sucks," Meredith whimpered as her body relaxed against his again.

"I know," he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "They'll give you an epidural soon."

"Thank God."

"Here we are," Carolyn sighed as she pulled up outside the emergency room where Lexie was waiting with Dr. Cooper.

"Okay," Derek sighed as he got out of the car, reaching to help Meredith out as well. "Can you walk?" he asked.

"I can walk," she rolled her eyes. "I'm not dying, Derek."

"Right," he nodded. "Sorry."

"Meredith," Lexie breathed as they met her at the door. "Katie's coming!"

"I know," Meredith sighed. "Sorry if I don't look too excited but I'm pretty sure Derek's daughter is trying to kill me."

"Now she's my daughter?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "Only the child of an idiot would cause this much pain."

"How far apart are the contractions?" Dr. Cooper asked as Lexie pulled a wheelchair over for Meredith.

"About five minutes," Derek said. "Lasting about a minute."

"Alright, it sounds like the labor's progressing fairly quickly," Dr. Cooper nodded. "We'll get you upstairs and get you an epidural right away."

"Derek," Meredith whispered as Lexie began to push the chair towards the elevators.

"I'm here," he nodded as he walked quickly beside the wheelchair, grabbing her hand. "I won't leave."

"Promise?" Meredith whimpered, completely terrified at the thought of doing this without her husband.

"Promise," Derek nodded, squeezing her hand. "No running, remember?"

"No running," Meredith sighed.

"You guys, your little girl's coming," Lexie smiled as they stepped onto the elevator. "This is so exciting!"

"We know," Derek said as he reached out to run a hand over Meredith's head. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Scared," she whispered. "Nervous. Excited."

"So completely as expected," Derek sighed. "I love you. I love you so much, and I can't tell you how much this means to me."

"I know," Meredith whispered. "I love you too. And so does Katie."

"Good," Derek said, standing again as the elevator doors slid open. "Here we go."

"Shep!" Mark cried from down the hall. "It's about time the two of you got here."

"We're having a baby, Mark," Derek sighed as Lexie led them into an empty room. "We don't have time for this."

"For what?" Mark frowned. "Family?"

"Mark," Lexie rolled her eyes as she pushed him out the door. "I'm not allowed to be the intern on your case, but we're going to wait with your mom. Page us as soon as she's here."

"We will," Meredith sighed as she reached for Derek's hand, her body contracting again.

"Breathe," Derek murmured.

"We're going," Lexie said as she pushed Mark out of the room, closing the door behind them.

"You okay?" Derek asked as Meredith's body relaxed again.

"Yeah," she sighed as she reached for the hospital gown. "Katie's coming."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward to kiss her stomach. "Katie's coming."


	22. Chapter 22

Katherine Isobel Shepherd was the most beautiful little baby girl in the whole entire world.

If there was one thing in the world that Derek was sure of, it was the fact that his daughter was perfect.

As he sat in the corner of Meredith's hospital room, listening to her soft and gentle snores, he knew that he was going to have trouble ever letting go of her. She was cuddled tightly into his arms, her bright green eyes staring up at him widely. Her tiny hand gripped his finger tightly, and dark black hair stuck out from the bottom of the tiny pink cap the nurse had slid onto her head.

The labor hadn't been nearly as bad as he had expected, and it had only taken Katie a few hours to make her very loud presence known to the world. His daughter definitely had her mother's lungs, but once the pediatrician had performed the necessary tests and wrapped Katie in warm blankets, she had calmed down considerably. And once Meredith had been transferred to a patient's room and a nurse had brought Katie in to see them, he had cradled his little girl close to his chest, deciding that he never wanted to let her go ever. Which might be a problem when Meredith woke up and wanted to see her daughter.

"Hi princess," Derek whispered as he trailed his finger down Katie's cheek. "I'm so glad that you're finally here. You're completely and totally beautiful, and I know that there has never been such a beautiful baby in the entire world. I promise that you're going to be so happy sweetheart. Mommy and I love you so much, and we're going to make sure that we take care of you. We have a nursery waiting for you at home that's filled with teddy bears, and there's a play room with toys that you're going to play with when you're older. And we already love you so much, so we're going to make sure that everything is completely ready for you. We're new at this, we've never had a baby around before, but we're going to do our best to be the best parents in the entire world. You have lots of aunts and uncles too, including one that you're named after. Mommy and I are really sad that you won't ever get to meet her, but she's going to tell you all about her. Your Aunt Izzie was one of Mommy's best friends, and so was your Uncle George. So she'll be sure to tell them all about you, and one day when you're bigger we'll go take you to meet them. Because every little girl should know all her aunts and uncles, even if they're not here anymore."

"This is going to be hard for Mommy and Daddy, princess," he continued as he shifted Katie to lean against his chest, gently cupping her head in his hands. "We've had a pretty tough year, missing our friends, especially Mommy. But we're completely and totally in love, and even if Mommy gets sad some time, we're going to love you forever. We're going to have to balance some things out, with work and having a baby, but I promise we're going to make it work. Your grandma is going to be here for awhile to help us, but I promise that we're always going to be your parents. Even though we might have to work late, we're going to be sure that you're going taken care of. We love you, Katie, and we're going to love you forever. I promise."

"Hmmm," Derek heard his wife sigh from the bed beside him, and he smiled softly as he looked down at his daughter.

"Mommy's waking up," he whispered. "And that means I'm going to have to share you. But you're going to love Mommy so much, I promise. She's completely amazing, and you're the only person in the world that I love more than Mommy. Because she's the love of my life."

"Derek?" Meredith's voice came from the bed, and he smiled as he reluctantly tore his eyes away from his daughter.

"Hey," he said softly as he stood, still cradling Katie's tiny head to his chest. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore," she replied. "And tired."

"Pretty much as to be expected," Derek smiled as he sat down beside her on the bed and gently placed their baby into her arms. "This is our daughter. Katherine Isobel Shepherd."

"Katie," Meredith breathed as she trailed a finger down her daughter's cheek. "She's beautiful."

"I know," Derek said as he wrapped an arm around his wife, squeezing her tightly as she cradled their baby girl close.

"I mean, I saw her earlier," Meredith said, her eyes focuses solely on her baby. "After the pushing and the pain, but…now I can really see her. She's so beautiful, Derek. Our baby girl is beautiful."

"She looks like you," Derek said as Katie yawned widely, her tiny nose scrunching as she arched her back.

"She has your eyes," Meredith whispered. "And my nose."

"And your lips," Derek nodded. "But she's very clearly a Shepherd."

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked softly, shifting Katie so that the baby rested against her chest, curling into her instantly.

Wordlessly, Derek reached up to slip the tiny pink cap off of their daughter's head, revealing a head of thick dark hair. He smiled as he ran a hand over the soft curls, the silky strands bringing a soft smile to his face.

"Those are definitely Daddy's curls," Meredith said, tearing her eyes away from her baby daughter to meet his. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Derek said, leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "Thank you, Meredith."

"Thank you?" Meredith murmured, her eyes returning to their daughter. "For what?"

"For giving me this," Derek breathed. "I never thought that I would be a father, and now that I am…I'm just so glad that you're the mother of my baby. So thank you. For making my life really complete."

"Oh," Meredith smiled as she turned to look at him. "Thank you. For convincing me that I can do this. For being here. For making me a mommy."

Derek smiled as he leaned in to stroke a finger over Katie's cheek. "We have the most perfect little girl in the world, Mer," he sighed. "Look at her."

"She's amazing," Meredith smiled in agreement.

"Katie Shepherd," Derek said, smiling as his daughter grasped his finger tightly.

"Katherine Isobel Shepherd," Meredith nodded, a sad expression suddenly taking over her face.

"Izzy would be so happy for you, Mer," Derek whispered. "She'd probably already be in here demanding that we let her hold her."

"You're right," Meredith smiled. "I'm surprised your mom isn't already in here. And Christina and Lexie."

"Mom stopped by earlier," Derek said. "She said that Katie's the most beautiful baby she's ever seen."

"Katie's your mom's eleventh niece," Meredith giggled softly. "And she has four daughters."

"Well…none of them were my daughter," Derek smiled as he reached for the baby. "We've been waiting a long time for a Shepherd baby. But it was worth it, wasn't it sweetheart? Because you're Daddy's little princess. And we're so happy that we waited until you came to be our perfect little angel."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into the pillows, stifling a yawn. "How long was I asleep for?" she asked.

"About two and a half hours," Derek said. "But they ran some tests on Katie and cleaned her up so that she would look completely perfect when she met Mommy."

"She's okay?" Meredith asked, her eyes falling closed slightly. "No problems?"

"She's perfect," Derek nodded. "Passed the APGAR with flying colors both times."

"Good," Meredith sighed. "I'm tired, Der."

"Go to sleep," Derek said as he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Katie and I have important bonding to do."

"I don't want to sleep," Meredith sighed, even as she cuddled into the pillows. "Katie's here."

"And she's going to be here forever," Derek laughed slightly. "You need sleep, Mer, your body's exhausted."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed as she turned closer to him. "Love you."

"We love you too," Derek smiled softly.

As his wife drifted off to sleep again, Derek found himself alone with the most beautiful baby girl in the entire world, sleeping soundly in his arms. "Right princess?" he whispered. "We love Mommy so much."

His daughter sighed contentedly as she curled closer to him and Derek smiled as he slid her hat back onto her head. "We don't want you to get cold, do we?" he whispered. "Don't worry, Katie. Daddy's here. He'll take care of you, I promise."

XXXXX

An hour later, Meredith was awake again, and Derek couldn't help but notice the new sparkle in her eyes as she cradled their daughter against her chest.

"She's hungry," Meredith giggled slightly as she looked down at Katie.

"She had a big day," Derek smiled. "And she knows that she's about to meet her family, so she has to keep her strength up."

"Not so hard sweetheart," Meredith murmured as Katie sucked anxiously at her breast. "Mommy won't run out of food for you."

"Does it hurt?" Derek asked.

"A little," Meredith shrugged. "But I might hurt you if you don't stop staring at my boob."

"I'm actually staring at my baby," Derek countered.

"Who's attached to my boob," Meredith sighed.

"I don't blame her," Derek smirked. "They're nice boobs."

"Seriously, Derek, there's something wrong with you," his wife rolled her eyes. "No dirty talk in front of our baby."

"Sorry Katie," Derek laughed. "Although you might want to get used to it."

"Derek stop," Meredith rolled her eyes as Katie detached herself from her mother.

"Stopping," Derek nodded as he reached for his daughter, resting her against his shoulder and gently patting her back until a tiny burp released from her mouth.

"This isn't that hard," Meredith said softly as she watched him carefully.

"She's five hours old," Derek sighed. "I have a feeling this is the calm before the storm."

"I hope she stays this quiet," Meredith said. "She's barely cried."

"She is your daughter," Derek teased. "I doubt she'll be quiet for long."

"First of all, you're the annoying one who talks all the time," Meredith pointed out. "And second of all, I just gave birth. To your daughter. So now is definitely not the time to mock me."

"Sorry," Derek repeated, wondering how many times in the past nine months he had apologized for something Meredith normally would have laughed at.

Before Meredith could respond, there was a knock at the door and Carolyn poked her head in. "I hear that the newest Shepherd is ready for visitors," she said softly.

"She is," Meredith smiled as she sat up in bed, adjusting her hospital gown.

Carolyn smiled as she stepped into the room, Mark and Lexie trailing behind them. "How are we doing?" she asked as Derek shifted to sit beside Meredith and gently place their daughter in her arms.

"She's perfect," Derek smiled.

"Yeah, she looks like a Grey," Mark nodded. "Lucky kid, could have been pretty ugly."

"She looks like both of us," Derek said as Katie opened her eyes, showing off the wide blue eyes she had clearly inherited from her father.

"She's beautiful," Carolyn smiled as she leaned forward to look closer at the baby.

"She definitely looks like a Katie," Lexie smiled as she leaned into Mark's arms.

"Katherine Isobel Shepherd," Derek said proudly.

"Do you want to hold her?" Meredith asked his mother as Carolyn stared down at the baby.

"Are you sure you're ready to give her up?" Carolyn asked.

"No," Meredith giggled. "But I don't think I'll ever be. And you're her only grandparent, so she should meet you."

"Alright," Carolyn smiled as she gently reached for the now sleeping baby. "Hello sweetheart. Hi Katie."

"How are you feeling, Mer?" Lexie asked.

"Sore," Meredith sighed. "But really happy."

"Good," Lexie smiled. "And um…we have things. Presents. For Katie, but they're at home, and we're both working so we don't have them here."

"It's fine, Lexie, don't worry," Meredith said. "Katie's already the most spoiled little girl in the world."

"Loved," Derek argued.

"That girl already has you wrapped around her finger," Mark sighed. "What the hell are you going to do in sixteen years when she starts dating?"

"She's not going to date," Derek frowned. "Ever."

"She's going to date well before she's sixteen," Meredith giggled. "I had my first kiss when I was twelve."

"Twelve?" Derek repeated.

"Yeah," Meredith shrugged. "How old were you?"

"Shep didn't get any action til college," Mark laughed. "Unless you could that crazy band chick who played the oboe."

"That's not true," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Well, maybe Katie will take after you and not get kissed until she's nineteen," Meredith giggled.

"I'm going to ignore that and blame it on the hormones," Derek said.

Meredith smiled as she leaned into him but quickly reached for her daughter when she began to cry in Carolyn's arms. "She just ate," she frowned. "She shouldn't be crying."

"Maybe she's wet," Derek suggested.

"Oh gross," Christina's voice came from the doorway. "I didn't come here to see McDreamy drool over his daughter while he changes her disgusting diaper."

Meredith giggled as she looked up at her best friend. "You want to meet my daughter?" she asked.

"Yes," Owen interrupted before Christina could say anything else. "We heard there's a new addition to the world of neurosurgery."

"She'll probably outshine her mother and me," Derek laughed as he reached for a diaper.

"Watch her head, Der," Meredith frowned as he took their daughter from her arms.

"I got her," Derek said as he bounced the crying baby in his arms. "Right princess? Daddy's going to change you so you can meet your Aunt Christina and Uncle Owen."

As he moved to the tiny bassinet in the corner of the room to change his daughter's diaper, he heard Meredith giggling softly with Christina and Lexie while Mark fell into conversation with Owen. "There we go, sweetheart," he said as he slid a new diaper onto her. "All clean and dry."

"Derek," his mother's voice came from his side and he turned to smile widely at her.

"So?" he asked as he gently wrapped his daughter into a swaddle again. "Was waiting for a Shepherd grandchild worth the wait?"

"It sure was," Carolyn nodded. "She's completely beautiful."

"I know," Derek laughed as he pulled his baby girl into his arms again. "Completely perfect combination of me and Mer."

"Mer and I," Carolyn corrected with an amused smile.

"Always the mother," Derek shook his head as he looked down at his daughter.

"You'll understand," Carolyn sighed. "Though I do wish my forty year old son would learn the value of good grammar."

"Right Mom," Derek laughed slightly.

"Your father would be so proud of you," Carolyn said softly.

"Really?" Derek asked, tears filling his with a sudden urge to talk to his dad, to find out what it took to be such an amazing father.

"He would," Carolyn nodded. "This was always his dream for you. To be happy and in love and have beautiful children. A life that you love just as much as he loved his own."

"I do love my life," Derek smiled as he looked across the room to meet his wife's eyes. "I have everything I ever wanted."

"And I'm so happy for you," Carolyn smiled as a nurse entered the room.

"Alright, I know she's the future of this hospital, but visiting hours are over in fifteen minutes," she announced as she reached out to take the baby from Derek's arms.

"Where are you taking her?" Meredith frowned as she sat up, trying to reach for their baby girl.

"She has to spend the night in the nursery, Dr. Shepherd," the nurse sighed. "You know the rules."

"But…she's my baby," Meredith frowned. "Can't she sleep in here with us?"

"I'm sorry, it's the rules," the nurse said apologetically.

"Well…can I at least say good night?" Meredith frowned, and Derek was overcome with an emotion he didn't even know that he possessed as he watched his wife snuggle their baby girl into her arms, whispering a good night for only the two of them to hear. She had been so sure that she was going to be a horrible mother but the scene before her proved otherwise. She was already an outstanding mother, and he couldn't wait to really dive into parenthood with her.

"Good night sweetheart," he murmured as Meredith passed his daughter into his arms. "I love you so much. Don't be scared, Mommy and Daddy will see you first thing in the morning."

Derek slid onto the bed beside Meredith as their friends and family bid them good bye and filed out the door. He turned to look at his wife, her eyes already closing as she snuggled into his side. "Night, Mer," he murmured into her hair. "I love you so much."


	23. Chapter 23

Meredith sighed as she stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom, her daughter's babbling coming through the baby monitor. She knew she should be going to get her three and a half month old baby girl, to bring her back to her bed so she could cuddle with her parents like they did almost every morning. Everything seemed normal about today. Her husband was sleeping soundly beside her, her daughter babbling to her teddy bears from her nursery, everything seemed like a completely normal day since their perfect little girl had come into their lives three and a half months ago. But nothing about today was normal.

It had been a year. A year ago, Izzie had been lying in a hospital bed, her memory reprogramming every ten seconds as Alex had begged her to remember something, anything, from the time since she had gone into surgery. A year ago, the entire hospital had bonded together to convince George not to join the Army, unaware that they were caring for him in his very own hospital.

And now they were both dead.

She hadn't thought that it would be this hard. She'd gone back to work three weeks earlier when her daughter had been three months old, and her life had been amazing. She and Derek loved Katie to pieces, and they were settling into a very comfortable routine. Since she was in her last year of residency, it was rare that she ever had to spend the night on call unless there was a high risk case, and Derek had demanded more stable hours so that Katie would have significant periods of time at home with at least one of her parents around.

Their days usually starting with Katie babbling or whimpering for them from her nursery, and then either she or Derek would bring her into their bed for some family cuddle time. After hurried showers and a quick breakfast they would head to the hospital, leaving Katie with Derek's mother for the day. When they were both finally home Carolyn would make dinner, leaving Derek and Meredith time to play with their daughter who was quickly developing into her own person, and then the three of them would eat dinner with Katie babbling to herself in the playpen in the corner, and after Katie was in bed, they usually found some time for sex before falling asleep themselves. Her life was perfect, completely perfect.

But she missed her friends.

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as she felt him pull her closer, wrapping an arm around her waist as he buried his face in her shoulder.

"Morning," she murmured. Derek probably didn't even know what today was. He'd been fond of Izzie and George, but he was loving being a father too much to remember something depressing and pointless like what today was. She just had to get through today.

"Morning," he whispered, his voice muffled against her neck. "Want me to grab our princess?"

"Sure," Meredith sighed. She was a terrible mother. A terrible, horrible mother, because in this moment in time she just wanted to be with Christina and Alex downing tequila instead of playing with baby toys and worrying about dirty diapers like she did every day. Today wasn't every other day.

"Say hi Mommy," Derek smiled as he entered their room again, handing Katie to her before he slid into bed beside her again.

"Da sa," Katie giggled as she cuddled into her mother's arms, tugging gently on the ends of her hair.

"Good morning sweetheart," Meredith murmured as she ran a hand over Katie's dark curls.

"Ah ka ba ka," Katie frowned as she looked up at Meredith before reaching out to pat her cheek. "Ca sa."

"You're right, princess, Mommy's a little sad today, so we have to be extra nice to her today," Derek sighed as he reached out to push some of Meredith's hair behind her ear. "How are you doing?" he murmured.

"Okay," Meredith sighed as she smiled sadly at him, looking down at their daughter. Apparently he hadn't forgotten about today. "She makes things easier, makes it hurt less."

"That she does," Derek smiled as he leaned forward to tickle her tummy gently, causing her to giggle loudly. "Did you put her on her stomach when you put her to bed last night?"

"No I put her on her back," Meredith sighed as Katie reached up to pull on Derek's hair. "Why?"

"She was on her stomach when I went in," Derek smiled as he held his daughter up in the air above his face. "Did you learn something new, sweetheart? You really should let us see that."

"Can you roll over, Katie?" Meredith giggled slightly. "You're getting to be such a big girl."

"We're very proud," Derek nodded in agreement.

Meredith sighed as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "It's been a year," she whispered.

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "Not that I'm trying to make you feel guilty or anything, but…happy anniversary."

Meredith froze as she watched her daughter push herself off of Derek's chest, babbling to her daddy as her dark curls fell into her face. She hadn't even remembered that they promised each other forever exactly a year ago, a promise scribbled on a post it that now hung on the wall above their bed. They'd been married for a year, and she'd completely forgotten.

"Derek," she whispered. "I didn't…"

"It's okay, Mer," he said. "I know that you're focused on other things today. And you're not really the anniversary type."

"I want to be," she whispered. "I never thought I'd be the wife type or the mommy type, but…I am."

"You're an amazing wife," Derek nodded. "And a fantastic mommy. Right sweetheart? You have the best mommy in the world."

"Sa oh na," Katie giggled as she reached out to swat at Derek's nose.

"She, Katie likes you better than me," Derek laughed.

"Come here, Katie," Meredith sighed as she reached for her daughter. "You said that we could get married on the beach in the Bahamas."

"I know I did," Derek nodded. "But we have a baby."

"I know that," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But….we could have a wedding."

"You want to have a wedding when we're already married?" Derek asked.

"No," Meredith sighed. "Yes…I don't know."

"Meredith."

Meredith sighed as she rested Katie's forehead against hers. "Your daddy knows me too well," she whispered.

"Sa ma co," Katie nodded.

"I heard that," Derek said. "What's on your mind, Mer?"

"Nothing," Meredith sighed. "I just remember when Izzie was trying to plan our wedding. Before I let her go all bridezilla, I had the perfect wedding in mind. The perfect us wedding. And then we gave them our wedding and everything went to hell and suddenly it didn't seem so important anymore."

"But…" Derek prompted.

"But," Meredith sighed. "I don't want our anniversary to be on the day that George and Izzie died. I don't want today to be a day where I'm torn between being really sad and really happy everyday for the rest of our lives."

"We could have a wedding," Derek nodded. "Renew our vows."

"Really?" Meredith asked, surprised at how easily he had agreed to this.

"Really," Derek nodded. "I'll never regret marrying you, Mer. But…it would be nice to have a wedding."

"Oh," Meredith said.

"Whenever you want," Derek nodded. "And today…you can be with your friends today. Katie and I can have a special Daddy daughter day. You'd like that, sweetheart, wouldn't you?"

"Ka sa ga," Katie smiled as Meredith placed her onto the bed between the two of them.

"I thought so," Derek laughed.

"Thanks," Meredith sighed. "But I think…it's nice out?"

"It is," Derek nodded. "Why?"

"I think it's time for George and Izzie to meet their niece," Meredith said softly. "Is that okay?"

"Oh, Mer," Derek said as he reached for her hand. "It's more than okay."

"Will you come with us?" Meredith whispered.

"Of course," Derek nodded. "Mom's spending the day with Lexie and Mark making final preparations for the wedding, so it's just the three of us today."

"Okay," Meredith smiled as she slid out of bed. "We'll take her to meet her aunt and uncle. And then maybe we can play outside."

"Sounds perfect," Derek nodded as he looked down at Katie. "Mer…"

Meredith turned from the mirror to look at the bed, her eyes widening as she watched her baby daughter roll over from her stomach to her back, looking up at her daddy with an expectant look on her face.

"Oh, Katie," Meredith breathed as Derek leaned down to pick her up. "Good job, sweetheart."

"You're getting so big," Derek smiled as he cradled her closer. "We're so proud of our princess."

Meredith sighed as she sat down on the bed, leaning forward to kiss the top of Katie's head where it rested on Derek's shoulder. "Derek," she sighed. "Can you…I need a few minutes alone."

"Sure," Derek said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "Come on, Katie, let's go make Mommy some pancakes."

"Ooooo," Katie sighed as she looked at Meredith.

"Mommy's okay, sweetheart," Meredith murmured, shaking her daughter's tiny arm gently. "Just a little sad."

"We'll cheer her up," Derek nodded as he stood and made his way towards the door. "What do you think, princess? Should we put chocolate chips in Mommy's pancakes?"

"Ga wa," Katie giggled as Derek's voice trailed off down the stairs.

Meredith collapsed onto her bed for a moment, staring up at the ceiling as she took a few deep breaths. It was just a day. A day that was going to suck, but just a day. She still had an amazing husband who looked at her like she was her world and a baby daughter who had somehow picked up on the fact that she was sad and tried everything she could to make her mommy smile. Her life was still amazing, even if this was going to be a bad day. She still had everything.

XXXXX

"Make sure you have her hat on tightly," Meredith sighed as she got out of the car. "And her blanket."

"It's sixty degrees, Mer," Derek said softly as he reached into the car to pull their daughter out of her car seat. "If anything she's too warm. But you should take her. This is something the two of you should share."

Meredith swallowed back tears as she reached for Katie, smiling as the baby nuzzled her head into her mother's neck. Somehow, her tiny daughter had picked up on the fact that this was not a place for loud giggles and screaming tantrums, and Meredith took a deep breath as she rubbed her daughter's back before she leaned into her husband. "Ready?" he whispered.

"I guess," she sighed before she started to walk forward, the two graves that she hadn't been to in so long already looking somewhat worn from the never ending Seattle rain.

"Hey George," she said softly as she carefully moved to the ground, Derek doing the same. "Hi Iz." Derek squeezed her hand reassuringly, and Meredith smiled as she turned Katie to look at the tombs in front of them. "Sorry I haven't been to visit in too long, but as you can see, I've been a little busy. I'd like you both to meet Katherine Isobel Shepherd. She's almost four months old, and completely perfect. Katie, this is your Uncle George and Aunt Izzie. You're named after her, and one day when Daddy and I decide it's time for you to have a baby brother, he'll be named after your Uncle George." Meredith inhaled deeply as she continued to look at the gravestones. "I miss you guys a lot. There are still times like this morning when Katie rolled over or when Derek is being an idiot that I want to talk it out with one or both of you, but mostly I just miss seeing you. But you should know that I'm happy. Derek and I have this amazing house on his land, and our little princess keeps us busy. I'm a third year resident now, so my hours are gradually getting better, and well…I'm happy. No longer dark and twisty, even if my idiot husband says that it's a good thing. I hope that you're happy too. I'm not sure if I believe in heaven or whatever, but I know that you're somewhere, and I hope you're happy. Happy and together, because the two of you are best friends, so I hope you're together and entertaining yourselves while you watch us drop kidneys on the floor and end up with throw up in our hair."

Katie whimpered slightly as she gripped at Meredith's sweater, looking up at her with tear filled eyes.

"We've got to go now," Meredith whispered. "Katie's starting to fuss, and the last thing we need is a screaming baby in the cemetery. But I'll come back sooner than last time, I swear. I've just had a newborn and before that I felt like a beached whale, so…coming to sit outside on the ground wasn't very appealing at all. But I'll be back in a few weeks, with lots of updates about Katie. I promise."

Derek studied her for a moment, then reached out to take Katie from her arms as he stood, then reached his free hand to help her to her feet. "Are you okay?" he asked as she buried her face in his shoulder, wiping her tears on the soft material of his jacket.

"Yeah," she whispered, running a hand over Katie's back. "Just a little sad or whatever."

"What do you want to do now?" Derek asked. "Today's your day, whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" Meredith asked.

"Anything," Derek nodded.

"Can we go watch the ferryboats?" Meredith whispered. "And then maybe take Katie to the park?"

"That sounds like a perfect day," Derek nodded. "And when we get home to put her down for her nap, bath time for Mommy."

"Will Daddy join?" Meredith asked as she looked up at him.

"Definitely," Derek nodded, planting a kiss to her lips before he turned towards the car, opening the back door and reaching in to put Katie in her car seat.

As Meredith opened the passenger door, another car pulled into the small parking area of the cemetery, and she froze for a moment. "Derek," she breathed.

Her husband nodded, apparently having noticed the car at the same time she had. "Go ahead," he said. "Katie and I will wait."

"Thanks," Meredith breathed as she moved towards the new car, swallowing hard as Christina and Alex stepped out of the car, stopping only momentarily when they laid eyes on her. "Hi," she breathed when they were close enough. "I…Derek and I decided it was time for Katie to meet aunt and uncle."

"We came on our lunch break," Christina sighed, eyeing Alex carefully.

"I…Derek said he would wait," Meredith said as she turned back to the graves. "Do you want to visit?"

"We should," Alex nodded, biting back tears. "The five of us. We were together for the last time a year ago, and…yeah."

Meredith nodded silently as she followed her friends back to the graves where she had just come from, kneeling down between Christina and Alex.

"Hey Iz," Alex murmured, pressing a kiss to his fingers and them holding them over the engraving of her name for a moment. Isobel Stevens Karev. "Hey, O'Malley."

"What's up, Bambi?" Christina chimed in her own greeting. "I hope you're keeping Barbie calm up there."

"We figured that the five of us are long overdue to hang out," Meredith said. "Things are different now, really different, but…we still miss you."

"The new residents at the hospital are complete morons," Alex sighed. "The one makes O'Malley look like a smooth talker."

"Yeah, and we've got a lot to teach them," Christina rolled her eyes. "But at least no one's pulled an L-Vad wire yet."

"Lexie and Mark are getting married," Meredith murmured. "And they're dedicating the service to the two of you, so you better at least look down on it. It's nothing like your wedding, Iz, but…it's going to be beautiful."

"I miss you so much, Iz," Alex whispered. "Things have been pretty hard, but…there are things that I've been thinking about. About our babies that are still sitting in the freezer at the hospital, and maybe having our kid. But I need a sign, Iz, something to make sure that you think it's a good idea."

"You know about that?" Christina whispered to Meredith.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "But I don't know much of anything anymore."

"Right," Christina sighed as she turned back to the tombstones. "Mer's covered in Mommy now. No more nights at Joe's and definitely no tequila. Totally toxic mommy."

"My daughter's beautiful," Meredith giggled, and for a moment she almost felt that the five of them were really sitting in Joe's together, laughing after a long day at work instead of the three of them sitting on the ground in the cemetery pretending the other two were with them. "And I love being a mommy."

"She's actually a really good mommy," Alex added. "Like you would have been, Iz. But Mer's…surprisingly good at the family thing. The two of you would be very impressed."

"George would have confidence in me," Meredith sighed as she looked at his name. "He was the only one who ever took my side."

"I used to take your side before, when you were cool," Christina rolled her eyes.

"I'm still cool," Meredith giggled. "I'm just a cool mom. Ask Katie, she'll tell you."

"Kid can't even talk," Alex said.

"Soon," Meredith nodded. "She's an over achiever."

"I think her parents are insane," Christina replied. "Must be a Shepherd thing."

"Don't make fun of Shepherds, my daughter's a Shepherd," Meredith giggled. "And my husband… well, he's an idiot, but the rest of the Shepherds are cool."

"Keep telling yourself that," Christina said. "But I'm pretty sure the baby's the coolest out of all of you."

Meredith giggled as she leaned against Christina's shoulder, finally allowing herself to feel happy and not be completely miserable as she caught up with her friends.


	24. Chapter 24

"Look at you!" Derek heard his wife exclaim from the nursery over the baby monitor. "You look completely beautiful, just like a real princess, Daddy's going to be so surprised to see such a big girl."

Derek shook his head as he turned to the mirror, running his gel covered hands through his hair. Meredith had been struggling with their squirming daughter to get her into the dress they had bought her specifically for Lexie and Mark's wedding, and judging from Meredith's happy giggles mixed in with Katie's babbling, the mission had finally been successful.

He stared down at the bow tie in his hands for a moment before he shook his head, quickly sliding his wallet into his pocket and grabbing his tuxedo jacket off the bed before moving towards the nursery.

"There we go, princess," Meredith smiled from the changing table as she moved Katie to sit up, her hands balancing her so that she didn't fall onto her back. "Wait until Daddy sees you."

"Daddy does see her," Derek said as he pushed himself off the doorframe and moved towards his wife and daughter. "And between the two of you, no one is going to be paying any attention to the bride."

"Don't be an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes as she handed Katie to him. "You sure you're okay with taking her for the day?"

"I'm sure," he nodded. "You're the maid of honor, you've got to help Lex. I'm just the best man."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "And well…if you need any pointers about being best man, I can help."

"I think I've got it down," Derek rolled his eyes. "Your mommy doesn't have any confidence in me," he said as he looked down at his baby daughter. "She thinks I can't be a best man."

"Ra ra ra ra ra," Katie babbled.

"We really need to start teaching you some real words," Derek sighed. "This whole thing is getting a little repetitive."

"She's not even five months old," Meredith giggled as she smoothed her dress. "Do I look okay?"

"You look hot," Derek nodded.

"Derek," Meredith said. "Not when we're on our way to a wedding. And definitely not in front of Katie."

"I'm just saying," he shrugged. "The wedding's at our house. And this whole best man maid of honor thing is way too good to pass up, so we could totally sneak away for a few minutes during the reception."

"Seriously, Derek, stop," Meredith rolled her eyes as she reached for Katie. "Lex just called, she'll be here in a few minutes."

"I'll make sure Mark stays outside," Derek nodded. "He's been pacing the living room for the past hour."

"I can't believe you made him sleep on the couch the night before his wedding," Meredith giggled.

"I offered to let him sleep in a guest room but he didn't want to," Derek defended. "Something about sleeping away from Lexie."

"Fine," Meredith giggled. "Put your bow tie on, and then take her so I can help Lexie get dressed."

"Bossy," Derek sighed as he reached up to wrap the bow tie around his neck. "I hate tuxedos."

"At least you look hot," Meredith smiled as she reached out to straighten his bowtie and run her hand over his chest before leaning in to kiss him. "Even if we both hate tuxedo weddings."

"Our wedding won't be like this, right?" Derek asked. Although he and Meredith hadn't made any firm plans to renew their vows in an actual ceremony, they had been talking about it more over the past month.

"Definitely not," Meredith shook her head. "No tuxes and no wedding dresses. Just us, maybe some candles and a few flowers."

"Good," Derek nodded. "Now give me my princess."

"Go to Daddy, sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she kissed Katie gently and handed her to Derek. "Alright, I'll see you when we're ready to walk down the aisle. Make sure Mark doesn't wear a hole in our carpet."

"Okay," Derek said, reaching out to touch her cheek. "You look beautiful, Mer. Most beautiful maid of honor I've ever seen."

"Thanks," she blushed slightly.

"And I know you're worried about your…about Thatcher," Derek said softly. "But if he gives you any trouble, let me know, okay?"

"He won't, Derek," Meredith shook her head. "It's his daughter's wedding day, he's not going to bother with me."

"You're his daughter too," Derek said gently.

"Not right now, Derek," Meredith sighed, leaning into him. "Today's a happy day. A wedding day."

"Ra ra ra," Katie nodded.

"Well, she's learned her r sound," Derek laughed as he looked down at their daughter. "She sounds like a cheerleader."

"I hope not," Meredith sighed. "I hate cheerleaders."

Derek laughed as Katie frowned at her mother and the doorbell rang loudly. "Go take care of the bride," he said. "I'll calm the groom down, make sure he's really ready to do this."

"Your calming down better not include scotch," Meredith warned as she moved towards the door.

"What kind of best man does she think I am?" Derek frowned as he sat Katie down on the changing table, adjusting the pink bow in her hair before lifting her onto his shoulder again. "You've got to go calm Uncle Mark down, sweetheart. You know he won't listen to Daddy, but he loves you."

"Shep!" Mark exclaimed as Derek walked into the living room. "What…people are coming, Derek. They're coming and sitting down."

"That's generally what people do when they're waiting for a wedding to start," Derek laughed.

"But…people are going to be watching me," Mark said. "I'm not romantic or cheesy like you are."

"In case you haven't noticed, I got married on a post it," Derek pointed out. "There's not much romantic and cheesy about that."

"Right," Mark rolled his eyes. "That's why I've gotten about a million lectures about how I should be more like you."

"Well, Mer is the lucky Grey sister."

"Not now," Mark said, taking a deep breath. "Why do you have a baby?" he asked suddenly.

"Well, a little over a year ago Mer and I did this thing called sex. It's what happens when two people really love each other…" Derek started.

"Don't be a dumbass," Mark said. "Why isn't she with the girls? Isn't that where babies are supposed to be?"

"Because Meredith is trying to help Lexie get dressed and she doesn't have time to make sure that Katie doesn't put every little thing in her mouth. I can take care of her for now."

"Right," Mark sighed. "Just…who's taking her during the ceremony? She can't be at the front with us."

"Liz," Derek nodded. "Calm down, Mark, everything's going to be okay. It's just a wedding."

Mark sighed as he ran a hand over his hair. "Were you this nervous before your wedding?" he asked.

"I wasn't exactly planning to get married in the resident's locker room," Derek said.

"I mean your other wedding," Mark said softly. "Remember the perfect wedding with the flowers and the lace and the string quartet?"

"Oh," Derek sighed. His wedding to Addison felt like another lifetime ago, and really, it was. "I was only twenty five, Mark. I wasn't sure of much in life besides the fact that it was the next logical step in my relationship with Addison."

"But you weren't nervous?" Mark asked.

"A little," Derek shrugged. "But I remember hating that damn morning suit I had to wear more than being nervous."

"Oh," Mark frowned. "So that's a good thing, right? Because you and Addison got divorced, and you weren't nervous, but I'm nervous, so it means that Lex and I won't end up like you and Addison?"

"Mark, you've got to calm down," Derek frowned as he shifted Katie to his other shoulder. "You and Lexie are good together. If you love her, really love her and can't imagine the rest of your life without her, then you're doing the right thing."

"I just…you loved Addison," Mark said softly. "How do I know that there's a difference between what the two of you had and what Lex and I have?"

"Look, Mark, I loved Addison," Derek sighed. It had been a long time since he had thought about these emotions, and he wasn't sure that this was the best time to discuss this. "You know I loved Addison. But it was definitely nothing like I feel for Meredith. Addison was pressuring me to propose, so I proposed. Before I was ready. And you saw what happened with that. But you and Lexie are in love, you're both ready to get married. This is the right thing to do."

"Right," Mark nodded. "Lexie. Lexie and I are getting married."

"Never thought I'd see the day," Derek laughed. As he patted his best friend on the back, his mother entered the room and smiled at the two of them.

"There are my boys," she smiled as she reached out to straighten Mark's tie. "And the most beautiful baby girl in the entire world."

Derek smiled as Katie's eyes lit up at the sight of her grandmother.

"Ahhhhh!" she squealed.

"There you go, sweetheart," Derek laughed as he handed Katie to his mother. "Go to Grandma, she and Aunt Liz will watch you while Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie get married."

"The guests are all seated," Carolyn said as she peered out the window to the large tent that had been set up to protect the wedding guests from the ever present mist of Seattle. "You can go out any time you're ready, Mark."

"Okay," Mark sighed, taking a deep breath.

"Are you sure you don't want me to wait at the front with you?" Derek asked.

"Nah, Lex went on and on about how perfect it was that our best man and maid of honor are some kind of perfect couple so they should walk down the aisle together," Mark shrugged. "Especially since the two of you never had a wedding wedding."

"Okay," Derek said as he clapped Mark on the back. "I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Let's go," Carolyn smiled as she led Mark out the back door, and Derek turned to make his way towards the downstairs guest room.

"You look beautiful," he said as he leaned against the door frame, watching Meredith and Molly adjust Lexie's veil.

"Thanks, Derek," Lexie smiled as she turned to look at him. "How's Mark?"

"I was actually talking to Meredith," Derek laughed as he stepped into the room to press a kiss to is sister in law's cheek. "But you look beautiful too. And Mark's fine. He's waiting outside."

"Oh," Lexie breathed as she turned to her sisters. "This is it."

"It is," Molly smiled as she reached out to squeeze her sister's hand. "I'm so happy for you, baby sister."

"Thanks," Lexie breathed.

"Knock knock," a voice said from the doorway, and Derek turned to see Kathleen's husband Chris standing in the doorway. "I think the groom's head is going to explode soon if we don't get this thing started."

"Well we can't have that," Derek laughed as he clapped his brother in law on the back. "I can't believe that Mark doesn't have any other friends and had to ask you to be the other groomsman."

"Hey, Mark and I have a lot more fun than the two of you ever have," Chris shrugged. "And I was a groomsman at your last wedding."

"That's because Addison insisted on having twelve bridesmaids," Derek rolled his eyes. "And we don't need to talk about that now."

"Let's go," Chris laughed. "Mr. Grey's waiting in the hall."

"Ready?" Meredith asked Lexie.

"Yeah," Lexie smiled as she reached for the bouquet of flowers sitting in the vase on the table.

Meredith smiled as she followed Lexie and Molly out of the room, reaching out to loop her arm through Derek's elbow. "Lexie and Mark are getting married," she sighed.

"I know," Derek said. "And Mark's going crazy."

"Well, let's get them married," Meredith smiled as they stepped into the hall.

"Hello Meredith," Thatcher said from where he stood beside Lexie.

"Hi," Meredith said softly as she gripped Meredith's hand tightly.

"I um…this is a nice house," Thatcher offered.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled, and Derek felt her tense beside him.

"Okay, is everyone ready?" Molly asked, her arm looped through Chris's. "We're going to go."

"We're right behind you," Derek nodded, watching as Meredith reached out to straighten Lexie's train before returning to her spot beside him, taking his elbow with a wide smile. "Ready?" he asked.

"Definitely," Meredith said as she fell into step beside him.

As they made their way down the make shift aisle in their back yard, Derek found himself suddenly looking forward to the day when he would be in Mark's position, waiting for Meredith to walk towards him the way Mark was now waiting for Lexie. They were already married, they'd already promised each other forever, and he knew it wasn't necessary for the two of them to have a wedding. But there was something special about all this excitement, about getting dressed up and standing in front of their families and friends to promise their love for each other again.

Meredith squeezed his elbow gently as they reached the front of the aisle, stopping to kiss his cheek quickly for a moment before she moved to stand beside Molly and he stood beside Mark, offering his best friend a supportive smile as he watched Lexie come down the aisle with her father. She looked completely radiant, Derek admitted, and he heard Mark inhale sharply from beside him.

When Lexie reached the front of the tent, Mark stepped forward to shake Thatcher's hand before he took Lexie's hand, kissing her something and whispering something in her ear before they turned to the minister.

"Dearly beloved…."

Derek allowed himself to tune out the minister's words as he began the speech he had no doubt recited hundreds of times. He glanced briefly into the small crowd seated in his yard, smiling softly as he saw his daughter squirming slightly in Liz's lap, her hair tie already lopsided on his head. If there was one thing his baby girl hated it was sitting still, and he knew that this had to be killing her.

After a moment, he shifted his gaze to Meredith as she watched the couple intently, Lexie's flowers clutched tightly with her own. She was completely beautiful, her hair curling around her face as the light blue dress made her skin glow softly and her eyes sparkle. As he continued to drink her in, her eyes shifted from Mark and Lexie to look at meet his own. She shook her head slightly and nodded to the bride and groom, silently telling him that he should watch the wedding. Derek shook his head and offered her a wide smile, mouthing the words "I love you" to her.

Meredith blushed slightly before she returned his smile and mouthed the words back, her eyes sparkling even more.

As Derek stared at her, he felt an overwhelming sense of love for the amazing woman that had somehow agreed to be his wife. He'd always loved her more than anything in the world, but in this moment he felt a complete sense of overwhelming love wash over him, unable to believe that he was lucky enough to call her his wife. He smiled widely at her as he tuned into the minister again, feeling the need to recite the promises to his wife as his best friend said his vows for the first time.

"Mark, you have take Alexandra to be your wife. Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, to be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

Mark smiled as he squeezed Lexie's hand. "I do," he nodded.

"I do," Derek mouthed to Meredith, causing her to blush deeply.

"Alexandra, you have taken Mark to be your husband. Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, to be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I do," Lexie smiled, tears filling eyes as she looked up at her husband.

"I do," Meredith mouthed to Derek.

Derek ran his thumb over his wedding ring as Mark and Lexie exchanged their own rings, remembering the moment that Meredith had placed his father's wedding ring on his own finger, promising him forever.

"Now that Mark and Alexandra have given themselves to each other my solemn vows, with the joining of hands and the giving and receiving of these rings, I pronounce that they are husband and wife," the minister announced with a wide smile. "You may kiss the bride."

Mark smiled as he pulled his wife into his arms, kissing her passionately before he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers, squeezing her hands tightly before they turned to walk down the aisle. Meredith smiled at Derek as she stepped closer to him, looping her arm through his again as they walked down the aisle as well. "I love you," she said softly as they stepped out of the tent.

"I love you too," he smiled, cupping her cheek in his hand. "And now I have to kiss my bride."

Meredith smiled as she leaned into his kiss, gently pressing her body against his. "I love you so much," she whispered. "And we're married, Derek. I know that we're married, but….that was perfect." She leaned into his arms, and Derek held her tightly, suddenly unable to wait for their own special day that would only be about them and their love for each other.


	25. Chapter 25

"Ra ma," Katie giggled as Meredith reached out to take her sippy cup off the tray of her high chair.

"Really?" Meredith asked as she looked down at her five month old from her place in front of the sink.

"Ma ma ma ma ma," Katie nodded.

"Well, if I didn't know better I would think you were calling me Mama," Meredith smiled as she reached out to run a wet wash cloth over her daughter's face. "You sure made a mess with those peaches, Katie-bug."

"As ah," Katie said as she looked up at her mother.

"I know you hate peaches, but they're good for you," Meredith said as she reached out to pick her daughter up from the highchair.

"Ga," Katie sighed as she nuzzled her head into her mother's shoulder, rubbing her eyes gently.

"Alright, princess, Mommy was thinking that we should have some playtime," Meredith said softly. "But I think someone's getting sleepy."

"Ahhh," Katie shook her head furiously as she kicked her little legs against Meredith's ribs.

"Okay, no nap," Meredith giggled as she moved towards the play room. "Let's play. Daddy will be home from work soon, and then we can have a family afternoon. How's that sound?"

"Ahhh," Katie nodded.

"Okay Meredith smiled as she set her baby daughter down on the floor of the playroom and reached for a rattle, placing it next to Katie's hand. "Can you get the rattle?" she asked, "Bring it closer?"

"Ga ra," Katie nodded as she rolled the rattle closer to her and lifting her upper body off of the blanket that Meredith had placed her on.

"Good job, sweetheart," Meredith smiled she leaned closer to her daughter. "You're getting so big!"

"Ra ca da ma," Katie smiled as she looked up at her mommy with a proud expectant smile.

"I knew you were going to be chatty like your daddy," Meredith sighed as Katie rolled over onto her back and Meredith leaned down to tickle her stomach. "You're a lot like him, aren't you?"

"Ca pa ka ra ba sa ma," Katie rattled off.

"Should we practice talking?" Meredith giggled. "You know what a sheep says? A sheep says baaaaa."

"Baaaaa!" Katie echoed before giggling loudly.

"Good job princess," Meredith smiled.

"Ahhhh," Katie sighed, rubbing at her eyes in a sign that she was tired and ready for a nap.

"I know you don't want to sleep, sweetheart, but you're very tired," Meredith sighed as she lifted her daughter onto her shoulder. "How about we nap together in Mommy and Daddy's bed? That way you won't have to sleep all alone in your crib. Maybe we'll sit outside while we wait for Daddy."

"Ahh," Katie whimpered as her eyes drifted closed.

"It's okay, princess, you can sleep," Meredith said, bouncing her baby in her arms as she drifted off to sleep. "Mommy's here."

As Katie drifted off to sleep in her arms, Meredith moved towards the front door, gently lowering herself onto the swing on the porch as she looked over their cliff. Derek would be home from the emergency surgery he'd been called into soon, and then they would have a family afternoon before he made her and Katie dinner and he gave their daughter her night time bath.

Derek loved giving Katie her nightly baths, and their little girl loved it too. The few times when Derek had been stuck overnight at the hospital and Meredith had tried to bathe her daughter Katie had screamed bloody murder the whole time. At least Meredith had story time. Katie was definitely picky about which parents paid attention to her at certain times of the day, but she loved it best when she had the complete attention of both of them.

As Meredith heard a car pull up to the house, she smiled down at her daughter, expecting to see her husband's familiar car pull up. But she frowned when she saw a completely unfamiliar car stopping in front of her house, and she tightened her arms around her sleeping daughter. After a moment, she saw Thatcher Grey step out of the car, and she swallowed hard. She definitely hadn't been expecting this, and she wasn't sure that she was strong enough to talk to him.

"Meredith," Thatcher said as he stopped at the bottom of the stairs on the porch. "I um… I'm glad you're home."

"I wasn't expecting you," Meredith said. "Ever."

"I just…I wanted to talk to you at the wedding but everything was crazy and Derek wasn't exactly letting go of you," Thatcher said.

"Derek loves me," Meredith shrugged as she looked down at Katie, adjusting her shirt that had ridden up on her belly.

Thatcher nodded softly and Meredith thought she saw a flash of pain in his eyes. "I know I tried to apologize to you last year," he said softly. "But I should have done it differently. With Lexie…I'm truly sorry for hurting her with my alcoholism. But I hurt you so much more than her, and I should apologize for that too. All of it. I regret all of it, Meredith, so much."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she took a deep breath and moved over on the swing. "You can sit," she said. "If you want."

Thatcher offered her a relieved smile and he climbed up the steps, sitting down beside her on the swing. They were silent for a moment before he looked down at Katie. "She's beautiful," he offered.

Meredith smiled softly as she ran a hand over her daughter's cheek. "She is," she said. "She looks like Derek."

"Her hair maybe," Thatcher offered. "But her face…it's like I'm looking at you thirty five years ago."

"Oh," Meredith blinked as she shifted her gaze to look at her father. Or former father. "You left me."

"I…I left your mother, not you" Thatcher nodded. "But I never wanted to leave you, Meredith."

"You did," Meredith said. "I remember. You promised to take me to the zoo. You were going to take me to the zoo, but then you were gone. And I was a five year old with no father and a mother who didn't care."

"I always wanted to see you, Meredith," Thatcher said. "I know that you don't believe me, but your mother used you to hurt me. I was going to file for custody, I knew that she was going to be an awful mother, but one day when I came to pick you up, the house was just completely empty. That was before cell phones and e-mail and there was no way for me to contact her. It wasn't until twenty years later that I found out she had taken you to Boston."

"Oh," Meredith said. "I guess…I don't know how to respond to that. It doesn't make it okay."

"I figured that you would hate me," Thatcher said. "So I didn't try to contact you. When I went to visit Lexie at Harvard, I wanted so badly to see you, but I couldn't work up the courage. And I'll always regret that."

"I guess I can forgive you or something for that," Meredith said. "But when I came back…I tried. I tried to be your daughter and then you slapped me. You said it was my fault that your wife died."

"I was…grieving," Thatcher said. "I know you did everything you could to help her. It just wasn't enough."

"You still hit me," Meredith whispered. "And I…even if I were to somehow forgive you for that, I don't think Derek ever will."

"I'm glad that you have him," Thatcher sighed. "And I don't expect to be apart of your family or your life, but you need to know that I'm sorry. And I really mean it, I'm not just saying it as apart of my recovery."

Meredith smiled softly as Katie whimpered slightly in her arms. "Thank you," she said. "I…I appreciate the apology. I can't forgive you yet, but it means a lot that you apologized."

"I understand," Thatcher nodded as he stood and moved down the steps, preparing to leave.

"Can I ask you something?" Meredith asked, moving Katie to hold her close to her chest.

"Anything," Thatcher nodded, stopping at the bottom of the steps and looking at her expectantly.

"Why?" Meredith asked. "I mean, I get that my mom was horrible and she probably made you miserable, but…you could have found us. Or you could have taken me when you left. I really just want to know why. Because right now, I'm sitting here holding my baby daughter, and the thought of ever leaving her makes me sick to my stomach. I could never do it, so I just want to know why you didn't try to keep me. Really try, not just want to try."

"I guess I wasn't strong enough," Thatcher said softly. "I wish I had been, Meredith, I really do. But for what it's worth…you're a wonderful mother. Katherine loves you, and she'll never be hurt like you were. I can tell that you and Derek really love her, and each other."

Meredith smiled softly as she cradled Katie closer to her. "Thank you," she said.

Thatcher opened his mouth to say something else, but before he could, Derek's familiar car pulled up to the house and he stepped out, frowning when he saw the familiar figure of Meredith's father standing at the foot of their porch.

"What's going on?" he asked carefully as he stepped past Thatcher and sat down on the swing beside Meredith, pressing a soft kiss to Katie's head before he turned to study Meredith carefully.

"My um…Thatcher…just came by to apologize for everything," Meredith explained, smiling slightly at her husband. She loved that he was protective of her and their baby girl, but hopefully he would realize that everything was okay and back down.

"Oh," Derek nodded slowly, obviously thrown off by coming home to this situation. "Do you want me to take Katie inside?"

"No, she's sleeping well here," Meredith smiled as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I don't want to disturb her."

"Hmm, there's nothing worse than waking a sleeping Katie," Derek said as he reached out to take her tiny hand into his own.

"You were the same way, Meredith," Thatcher said gently from the steps.

"I was?" Meredith asked, turning her attention to her father again.

"If I was ever to wake you before you were ready, you screamed for hours on end," Thatcher said with a soft smile. "You had quite the set of lungs."

"Well, that hasn't changed," Derek smirked.

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"At least we know where our daughter got her crankiness from," Derek teased.

"Right, because you don't have a temper at all," Meredith said.

"I can control my anger," Derek nodded.

"Right," Meredith scoffed before she turned back to her father. "Look, um, I get it if you have plans for this afternoon," she started. "But…if you're free, maybe you could stay for a little while."

"Really?" Thatcher asked, and Meredith smiled as she noticed the look of relief that wash over her face. "I'd like that a lot."

Derek smiled as he leaned forward to kiss Meredith's forehead. "I'm going to go change," he said softly. "Let me know if you need me to take over Katie duty."

"You should stay," Meredith said as she leaned into him. "You mom's told me all about when you were a baby. Now we can hear about me."

Derek smiled as he squeezed her hand. "Sure," he said, gesturing to the chair across from the swing. "Have a seat, Mr. Grey."

"It's Thatcher," he said as he moved to sit. "You are married to my daughter."

"I am," Derek nodded. "And I've loved every single moment of it."

Meredith smiled as she looked at him for a moment before she turned to Thatcher. "So what else was I like as a baby?" she asked. Maybe today was the day that she could finally make peace with her father.

XXXXX

"Alright, sweetheart, time for bed," Derek said as he lifted Katie out of her mother's lap later that night.

"Ah as ga," Katie sighed as she nuzzled into his neck.

"Yes, Mommy read you three stories tonight," Derek said as he placed a kiss to the top of her head. Meredith smiled as she stood and moved to stand beside him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Ahhh," Katie whimpered as Derek leaned down to put her in her crib.

"We know you don't like sleeping in your crib, but you can't sleep in Mommy and Daddy's bed," Meredith said as she placed a teddy bear in her baby's arms. "So we're going to go downstairs now. But if you need us, we'll be able to hear you, so just call for us, okay."

"Good night princess," Derek smiled as he pulled Meredith away from the crib, switching on the night light before he turned the lights off and stepped into the hallway, closing the door partway behind them.

Meredith sighed as she leaned against the wall, the stress of the day fully taking its toll on her.

"How are you doing?" Derek asked as he reached out to play with a strand of her hair.

"Okay," she sighed, opening her eyes to look at him. "How was your surgery? I don't think I ever even asked you that."

"It was good," Derek nodded. "Patient lived."

"Good," Meredith sighed.

"How are you feeling about your dad?" Derek asked.

"Confused," she replied. "Can we maybe go somewhere and talk?"

"Anywhere you want," Derek said. "Wine on the porch?"

"How about wine in the bath?" Meredith suggested.

"Even better idea," Derek nodded, leaning in to kiss her softly. "You draw the bath, and I'll get the wine?"

"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she pushed herself off of the wall and moved towards their bedroom. She quickly moved into the bathroom and started the bath, tossing in some bubbles and lighting some candles before she stripped out of her clothes and pulling her hair up before she slid into the warm water.

"You better not be getting started without me," Derek laughed as he came into the room a moment later.

"Hmm, thinking about it," Meredith smiled, watching as he set the wine and the glasses on the edge of the tub and stripping out of his own clothes. "I'm not really in the mood for sex right now, Der."

"I know," he said as he moved to pour the wine, handing her a glass. "Me either."

"Oh really?" Meredith giggled, raising an eyebrow. "You're hard."

"I'm looking at the most beautiful woman in the world sitting in a bath," Derek shrugged. "I can't help it."

"Hmm," Meredith smiled as he settled into the water behind her, wrapping his arms around her stomach. "Maybe later."

"If you want to," Derek nodded, sipping at her wine. "How are you feeling?"

"I…really don't know," Meredith said softly. "But I really did enjoy this afternoon. Learning more about myself and talking with him…it felt nice. But I don't know if I'm ready to let him into my life, to be my dad and Katie's grandpa."

"Maybe you just need to take baby steps," Derek said softly. "Keep meeting him for dinner, coffee…just see him for short periods of time until you feel ready to let him in."

"What happens if I can't?" Meredith asked. "He abandoned me, Derek. The last thirty years don't just disappear because I liked hearing about what I was like when I was five."

"I know," Derek nodded. "Although five year old Meredith sounds like she was pretty adorable."

"More adorable than five year old Derek," Meredith giggled as she leaned back into his arms.

"That's mean," Derek frowned. "Here I was about to say that you're still adorable, and you're telling me that I'm not cute."

"I think it's weird that you're calling me adorable," Meredith said as she ran a hand over his thigh.

"How's that weird?" Derek asked.

"Because an hour ago you called Katie adorable when she was splashing you with water in her bath," Meredith pointed out.

"Well, that was Katie adorable," Derek said.

"And what am I?"

"You're Mer adorable," Derek laughed, pressing a kiss to the back of her head.

"What's Mer adorable?" she asked.

"Well, it's a little bit of cute," Derek began. "Mixed in with some beautiful. And a whole lot of sexy."

"Sexy huh?" Meredith asked as she shifted in his arms to face him, straddling his hips as she ran her hands through his hair.

"Very sexy," Derek nodded, leaning forward to take her nipple into his mouth.

"Oh," Meredith sighed as she arched her back, her hands moving to grip the side of the tub as Derek sucked lightly.

"Still not in the mood for sex?" Derek murmured as he trailed his lips to her other breast.

"Hmm," Meredith sighed. "Keep doing what you're doing. I think I'm getting into the mood."

"Good," Derek smiled as he leaned in to suck on her other nipple. Meredith moaned as she leaned into his touch, allowing herself to fall into the complete realm of pleasure that only her husband could provide her with.


	26. Chapter 26

"I need to talk to you."

Derek blinked in surprise as he saw the flash of his wife's golden brown hair before he was shoved into a nearby on call room, staring at her as she locked the door quickly behind them.

"Well, as much as I love the whole surprise sex, I have surgery in twenty minutes," he said as he moved towards her. "But if you want a quickie, who am I to say no? You're too hot for that."

"This isn't for sex," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Christina broke up with Owen yesterday."

"Again?" Derek raised his eyebrows. "This must have been what we looked like a couple years ago."

"Not the time," Meredith snapped.

"Right," Derek nodded. "Sorry. Um…what do I have to do with the fact that Christina broke up with Owen?"

"Because he proposed."

Derek opened his mouth to reply, but quickly closed it as he frowned down at his wife. "I think you've lost me," he said.

"She didn't really want to break up with him," Meredith sighed. "But she's scared. She's not ready to get married, so she ran."

"No wonder she's your person," Derek sighed. "What do you think I'm supposed to do about that?"

"I don't know," Meredith sighed. "I just…they're us. They're exactly where we were two years ago, and how do I make sure that Owen doesn't date a nurse and she doesn't end up spending an entire night building a huge freaking house of candles only to have him tell her it's too small and that he has to go break up with his girlfriend? Because I don't want that."

"Okay, first of all, the house of candles was perfect," Derek said. "And there's no way that I was going to officially get back together when I was still with Rose. I didn't make you wait that long."

"Whatever, that's not the point," Meredith shook her head. "I just…you have to talk to Owen."

"Why?" Derek frowned.

"Because otherwise they'll be completely messed up," Meredith sighed. "And I have to worry about my first neuro surgery, my best friend having a mental break down, a baby daughter that's starting to crawl, and an absent father who's trying to barge his way back into my life, so I can't deal with this right now."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "What am I supposed to talk to Owen about? Tell him she'll come around?"

"Just…tell him to do whatever you did to finally make me all whole and healthy," Meredith sighed. "I have to go check on Katie before I go into surgery with Nelson."

"Nelson's letting you scrub in by yourself?" Derek frowned.

Meredith giggled slightly as she moved closer to him. "Are you jealous?" she asked.

"Well…I should have let you scrub in on your own a long time ago," Derek sighed.

"But you didn't," Meredith smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips against his. "Don't worry, I love you anyways."

"You better," Derek smiled. "I gave you that baby girl you love so much."

"I'm pretty sure I'm the one who was miserable for nine months and spent a million hours in labor," Meredith said as she buried her face in his shoulder.

"Right," Derek nodded. "How could I forget?"

"All the throwing up when I went into labor probably clogged your memory or something."

"I thought we agreed to never talk about that again," Derek laughed as he tightened his arms around her.

Before Meredith could respond, her pager cut into the air, and she sighed as she looked down at him. "I've got to go," she said. "My patient needs his pre-op done."

"I'll talk to Owen," Derek nodded. "Do I have permission to take him camping if it comes to it?"

"Since when do you ask permission to go camping?" Meredith asked as they moved out of the on call room and he followed her down the hall.

"Since we have a baby."

"Oh," Meredith paused for a moment before she smiled up at him. "We'll be fine. We'll have a girl's night or whatever."

"You and our six month old are going to have a girl's night?" Derek laughed.

"Yes," Meredith nodded. "With Lexie. And Christina."

"It might be worth staying home just to watch Christina have a girl's night with a baby," Derek laughed.

"Derek," Meredith sighed as she stopped outside a patient's room. "Can you just cooperate?"

"Sorry," he nodded. "Camping trip and girl's night. Perfect plan."

"Good," Meredith nodded, squeezing his hand before she turned to grab a chart off of the door. "Now I get to scrub in with my favorite neurosurgeon."

"I'm not even going to justify that with a response," Derek sighed. "But you'll kick ass."

"I know," she giggled for a moment before she frowned. "I've been spending way too much time with you."

"You have a healthy ego," Derek shrugged. "Nothing to worry about."

"Right," Meredith sighed. "I'll see you later. Will you check on Katie for me?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded.

Meredith gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before she turned and walked into the patient's room, leaving him standing in the hall. He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, looking across the room to see Owen sitting behind the desk, a frown on his face as he looked over a chart.

"Dr. Hunt," he said as he moved to stand on the other side of the desk.

"Dr. Shepherd," Owen said, briefly glancing up at him before returning to his chart. "How's that beautiful baby of yours?"

"Busy," Derek laughed. "She'll be crawling very soon."

"You'll be kept busy," Owen nodded.

"We will," Derek nodded. He paused for a moment before he said, "I heard that you and Dr. Yang are having some trouble."

"She's a complicated woman," Owen sighed. "I'm trying to figure out how to approach her."

"She's a deer in the woods," Derek nodded.

"How did you know that?" Owen asked, a surprise frown taking over his face.

"Meredith used to be the same way," Derek nodded. "I'm sure you've heard about what we were like before you got here."

"There was a lot of gossip when your ex-wife came back here for a couple days," Owen nodded.

"Sadly, most of it was probably true," Derek nodded. "You have to wait until she's ready to take these steps. Wait until she drops hints about it."

"How did you know?" Owen asked.

"Well, this makes me sound like a complete mama's boy, but my mom gave me her engagement ring, and that's when I first started thinking about it," Derek sighed.

"You're right that does make you sound like a mama's boy," Owen laughed. "But don't worry, I'm the same way."

"Hmm," Derek said. "But I really knew that Mer was ready when she started dropping hints."

"Hints?" Owen asked.

"Like one time she said something about how cute our kids were going to be," Derek shrugged. "Or when we had a picnic on my land and she said something about calling a contractor. Little things, making me know that she was thinking about our future, even if she wasn't thinking specifically about marriage."

"What about the nurse?" Owen asked.

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. Rose wasn't one of his proudest moments. In fact, aside from choosing Addison over Meredith in the first place, dating Rose was probably his biggest mistake.

"She was…a distraction," Derek shrugged.

"So do you think I should get a distraction?" Owen asked.

"Well, even though it worked for me and Mer, I wouldn't recommend that anyone else go through that," Derek sighed. "But how about a weekend away?"

"Weekend away?" Owen raised an eyebrow.

"Camping," Derek nodded. "On my land. Mark can come too, and Alex if he's out of the bat cave."

"Camping," Owen laughed slightly. "I don't think I've been camping since high school.:

"More the reason we should go," Derek nodded as he spotted Mark rounding the corner. "Mark!"

"What's up, Shep?" Mark asked.

"We're going camping this weekend," Derek said. "Think Little Grey will let you off the hook?"

"First of all, it's Sloan, not Grey," Mark sighed. "And sure. Not that I need permission, but I'm sure she'll love getting to play with the rug rat."

"Don't call my daughter a rug rat," Derek frowned.

"Well what is she then?" Mark laughed.

"A princess," Derek said firmly. "A princess who's about to get a visit from Daddy."

"Shit, Shep," Mark sighed. "No wonder you need this camping trip. Hopefully we'll find your balls somewhere along the way."

"I live with two girls," Derek shrugged. "And I love it."

"Lex better give me boys," Mark sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "And sure, I'll make sure to get the weekend off."

"Good," Derek said, nodding to Owen. "It's set then?"

"Camping," Owen sighed. "This will be interesting."

"Don't worry, once you watch Mark try to put up a tent you'll forget that you were ever depressed," Derek laughed.

"It's not my fault the damn thing collapses every time I think I've got it right," Mark grumbled.

"Well, you usually don't have it right," Derek pointed out.

"Why are you inviting me on this trip again?" Mark asked.

"To make fun of you."

"Well, as long as I've got the right reason, I'll go," Mark laughed.

Derek glanced down at his beeping pager before he nodded to the two other doctors. "I've got to go, but we'll finalize details later."

"Sounds good," Owen nodded. "Thanks Derek."

"Of course," Derek nodded before turning to walk towards the pit, suddenly excited to have a weekend in the woods, even if he would miss his girls like crazy.

XXXXX

"And I'll have my cell phone with me," he said on Friday afternoon as he held Katie on his lap, watching as Meredith placed some sandwiches in the cooler.

"Why would you need your cell phone?" Meredith frowned.

"In case something happens to Katie," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Derek, you're not even leaving the land," his wife said as she reached for some beers to add to the cooler.

"The land is forty acres," Derek sighed. "And I need to know if something happens to her."

"Nothings going to happen to her," Meredith said. "Look at her."

"Sa ja da fa ba," Katie giggled as she arched her back to look up at her daddy.

"I know she's not sick now," Derek rolled his eyes. "But she might get sick tomorrow."

"And she might start talking or performing multi variable calculus," Meredith nodded with a straight face.

"Don't mock me," Derek frowned. "I've never spent an entire weekend away from her, I'm allowed to worry."

"I can take care of her, you know," Meredith said. "I'm her mother."

"I know you are, and you're a fantastic mother," Derek nodded. "I just…princess you can't start to crawl, okay? Not without Daddy."

"Derek, she's six months old," Meredith sighed. "Almost seven months. She's going to start crawling any minute."

"I don't want to miss it," he frowned.

"I don't either, but she might start next week with you while I'm working," Meredith shrugged. "Or in day care when neither of us are there."

"That…make sure both Mommy and Daddy are there when you first start crawling," Derek said as he looked down at his daughter. "In fact, you can start crawling right now."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as he set their baby girl down on the kitchen floor.

"What?" he asked as he crouched on the floor a few feet away from her. "Come to Daddy, sweetheart."

"She's not going to crawl," Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned back to the fridge, pulling a bottle of water out and twisting the cap off.

"She could," Derek smiled as he stood and moved to her side. "And you know, I'm starting to feel like you're glad that I'm leaving for a weekend."

"I am," Meredith nodded. "Because my boyfriend's coming over."

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "You're sleeping with your intern now?"

"Definitely," she giggled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "And he's a lot better in bed than you are."

"I think I'm hurt," Derek frowned.

"But I'm staying with you," Meredith nodded. "Because only you can do the bendy thing in the shower."

"Oh, well, at least you have a good reason," Derek laughed.

"Well that, and you're the father of my….where's Katie?"

"What do you mean?" Derek frowned as he turned away from his wife, panic filling his veins as he saw the empty kitchen floor.

Meredith was out of the kitchen in a flash, stopping when she reached the door to the living room and shouting his name.

"What?" he asked as he ran up beside her, blinking in surprise when he saw his baby girl crawling towards her stuffed bear that lay abandoned on the floor in front of the TV.

"Mer," he breathed.

"She's crawling," Meredith whispered as she watched Katie collapse onto her stomach, babbling gently to the bear she had pulled into her grasp.

"She…it's amazing," Derek said.

"We really have to baby proof," Meredith murmured. "Baby gates and electrical outlets…she's going to get into everything."

"We'll do it," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around his wife. "Our baby's crawling, Mer."

"She's so big," Meredith smiled.

"She is," Derek laughed, pressing a kiss to the side of her head before he moved to sweep his daughter into his arms. "Aren't you, Katie bell? You're getting to be Daddy's big girl."

"Ra da ba ja da," Katie giggled as she nuzzled into his arms.

"Good job, sweetheart," Derek said as he walked towards Meredith. "Mommy and Daddy are very proud.

"You're an excellent crawler, Katie bug," Meredith said as she took her daughter out of Derek's arms.

"Caso ba la mo na," Katie said proudly.

"Yes, you're just the best little baby crawler in the world," Derek said.

"Early," Meredith smiled, kissing her head gently.

"She'll walk early," Derek sighed.

"Hmm," Meredith smiled, giggling when the doorbell rang and Katie looked up excitedly. "Who's there, Katie?"

"Is it Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie?" Derek laughed as he moved into the hall to pull the door open.

"Hey Shep," Mark said as he stepped in the door. "Are you ready to go or are we going to have to wait until the end of eternity for you to say good bye to your family?"

"Owen's not even here yet," Derek sighed as he turned to Meredith and reached to pull Katie into his arms. "But it will take awhile so I might as well start saying good bye now."


	27. Chapter 27

"Esa jaba sa," Katie giggled later that night as she crawled away from Meredith and towards Lexie.

"Hi Katie," Lexie giggled as she pulled her niece into her arms, helping her into an unsteady standing position as the baby bounced happily on her feet. "She's getting so big."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she reached for a handful of chips. "Derek completely flipped out when she started crawling. He was afraid that she's going to start walking or talking too."

"He's going to be gone for two days," Lexie giggled.

"I know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But according to him, his daughter's a genius and will do everything early."

"She is on the early side of crawlers," Lexie nodded.

"Okay, seriously, Mer, where the hell is the tequila?" Christina demanded as she came back into the room, frowning at the baby gate for a moment before she climbed over it and collapsed onto the couch.

"There is no tequila," Meredith giggled as she held her arms out to welcome her daughter that was crawling towards her.

"I'm sorry, I thought you just said there was no tequila," Christina said. "Who are you, and what have you done with my person?"

"There isn't," Meredith smiled as she stood with Katie in her arms, giggling as the baby tugged gently on her hair. "There's a baby here."

"I didn't say that you should give her tequila," Christina rolled her eyes. "It's for us. The grown ups."

"We don't need tequila to have fun," Meredith sighed. "You and Lex can pick out a movie while I get the princess into bed.

"McDreamy as seriously ruined you," Christina sighed as she collapsed onto the couch and looked at Meredith and her daughter.

"I think it's cute," Lexie smiled as she stood and pressed a kiss to the baby's head. "Night, Katie. Aunt Lexie will be here in the morning too. Maybe we'll make breakfast together."

"La ma basa no?" Katie frowned.

"That's right, we're having a sleepover," Lexie nodded. "Which is why you have to go to sleep."

"Ta asa," Katie sighed, resting her head on Meredith's shoulder. "Ja lu sca ski tay. La!!!"

"Alright Katie bug, you have to go down quickly for Mommy, okay?" Meredith whispered as she made her way up the stairs. "Mommy has to figure out what's wrong with Aunt Christina."

"Casa h ra do bat a ahhhhh!" Katie whimpered as Meredith set her on the changing table and reached for a new diaper.

"Yes, I know getting your diaper changed is the worst torture in the world," Meredith sighed. "You poor poor baby."

"Eh sa," Katie nodded in agreement, wiggling to get out of Meredith's grasp. She hated diaper changing.

"Almost done," Meredith sighed as she fastened a new diaper onto her daughter and pulled a onesie on. "There we go, ready for bed."

"Sa ma?" Katie asked, pointing towards the small bookshelf in the corner of the nursery beside the crib.

"You want a story?" Meredith sighed as she reached for a short one. "Alright, but only one, okay? And no fussing when I put you down."

"Fa ma." Katie frowned as she stared up at her mother.

"I'm only going to read you a story if you promise not to fuss," Meredith warned. Katie was tired, this was her later bed time than usual, but she still hated when she was left alone in the nursery at night.

"Jasa da la," Katie said, a pout on her face as she turned away from her mother, apparently not happy with the conditions.

"I know, I'm the meanest Mommy in the world," Meredith sighed as she sat down in the glider beside the crib, settling her daughter onto her lap as she opened the book, sighing in relief as Katie drifted to sleep against her shoulder halfway through the story Meredith read

"There you go, sweetheart," Meredith whispered, closing the book and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Mommy loves you. And I promised Daddy I'd tell you that he loves you too. I'll see you in the morning."

Katie sighed against her shoulder, and Meredith smiled as she laid her daughter in the crib, gently backing out of the room as she turned the nightlight off and sighed in relief as Katie remained quiet.

"Mer, we have to talk," Christina said seriously as she met her at the bottom of the stairs. "What the hell is this?"

Meredith looked at the picture in her hands for a moment before she giggled. "Derek wanted Katie to ask Santa what she wanted for Christmas," she said. "And then we got our picture taken."

"Katie wasn't born last Christmas."

"But she could hear," Meredith shrugged. "And kick. She knew she was meeting Santa."

"I need a new person," Christina stated as she turned back to the living room. "You're… a mommy."

"I know it's stupid, but it made Derek happy," Meredith shrugged. "And he…he's been so amazing the past couple years, little things like that make him really happy. Like having Katie meet Santa before she's born."

"I seriously need some alcohol," Christina sighed.

"There's tequila above the fridge," Meredith giggled. "But I'm not drinking. You and Lex can though."

"Why not?" Christina frowned.

"Because I have to take care of my baby."

"Who's asleep."

"And if she wakes up she doesn't need a drunk mommy," Meredith shrugged. "I'm a mommy before anything else now."

"Fine," Christina sighed as she reached for the tequila. "I guess I'm happy for you or whatever."

"So what's up with you and Owen?"

"Nothing," Christina shrugged. "We're over."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "You remember when I broke up with Derek?"

"Which time?"

"The last time," Meredith rolled her eyes. "When he was dating the nurse?"

"Yeah, with the not sleeping and the crankiness and the shrink?" Christina asked. "And pretending that you weren't completely head over heels even though you scrubbed in on all of his surgeries."

"Right," Meredith nodded. "And you've been cranky even for Christina standards."

"Well, I haven't been sleeping."

Meredith raised her eyebrows as she waited for her best friend to make a connection, giggling when Christina threw her head back and took a long gulp of tequila. "It's not the same."

"Oh really?" Meredith asked. "How? Because Derek asked me for forever and I freaked out and broke up with him and was completely miserable."

"I…I've tried the marriage thing," Christina said softly.

"You tried the wedding thing," Meredith corrected. "And trust me, you don't need a big fancy wedding to have a marriage."

"Burke left."

"Burke was a coward," Meredith countered. "Do you honestly feel the same way about Owen that you did about Burke?"

"I…no," Christina said as she set the tequila on the kitchen table and collapsed into a chair. "I love him, Mer."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And I didn't want a fancy wedding either. So Derek and I promised each other forever on a post it."

"Are you telling me that I should have a post it note wedding?" Christina asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No," Meredith giggled. "But do it your own way."

Christina sighed as she looked down at her hands. "What do I do if he's dating a nurse?" she asked.

"Then you go get yelled at by Dr. Wyatt for weeks and she'll tell you why you're so messed up and then you can get whole and healthy and you can build Owen a corny house of candles."

"I will never do that," Christina rolled her eyes.

"Owen's not dating anyone," Meredith said softly. "And Derek's probably talking to him about the same thing right now."

"Right so this was a set up," Christina sighed. "Nice, Mer."

"I'm your person," Meredith shrugged. "And…you're not as emotionless as you like to pretend."

"I'm a surgeon," Christina shrugged. "I have to leave emotion out of it."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "My mother was emotionless. And even if you don't want a big wedding or even if you don't want kids, then it's okay. But you love Owen."

"Yeah," Christina shrugged, reaching for the tequila again. "I love him a lot."

"See, it's really not as hard as we used to think it was," Meredith smiled.

"Well, three years ago you were in love with a married man and I was in love with… Burke," Christina sighed. "We've all changed a lot since then."

"We have," Meredith smiled.

"I um…I don't want to interrupt your friend thing or whatever," Lexie said as she poked her head into the kitchen. "But Katie's fussing."

"I'll go get her," Meredith sighed. "She's spoiled, she only likes to fall asleep when she's being held. You guys can start a movie and I'll bring her down."

"Okay," Lexie said, Christina following her into the living room as Meredith made her way towards the stairs, thinking that she may just have gotten through to her best friend.

XXXXX

"Mark, will you just let me set up the damn tent?" Derek frowned as he watched his best friend struggle with the poles on the tent.

"No," Mark snapped. "I'm going to do this for once so that you can stop making fun of me every damn time we go camping."

"We haven't actually been camping in…five years," Derek frowned. "How the hell did that happen?"

"Because you got up and left in the middle of the night," Mark frowned at the tent. "What the hell…"

"I left because you slept with my wife," Derek rolled his eyes as he moved to stand beside his best friend, sliding the poles into the tent quickly and easily, offering Mark a smirk when it was fully formed.

"Whatever," Mark rolled his eyes. "When you can scrub in on a skin graft surgery I'll be impressed."

"I can cure inoperable tumors," Derek laughed.

"Thanks to your wife," Mark retorted.

"Okay, we really don't need this," Owen interjected as he reached for a beer.

"Sorry," Derek laughed as he sat down beside the fire and reached for his own beer. "So what the hell is going on with you and Yang?"

"At this point, I don't think anything," Owen sighed. "She's one hell of a complicated woman."

"It's why she and Mer are best friends," Derek laughed, holding up his beer. "Mark saw how much of a mess we were."

"Only because you hid your wife from her," Mark shook his head. "How you convinced Big Grey to marry you is beyond me."

"You hid your ex-wife from Meredith?" Owen asked.

"Not ex wife," Mark laughed. "He was married when they met."

"The divorce papers were in negotiation," Derek rolled his eyes.

"And yet you decided it would be a good idea to try to make things work with her," Mark laughed.

"We can stop talking about this any time," Derek rolled his eyes. "Mer and I have gotten past this. I know I'm going to regret it forever, but we've both gotten past it."

"I'm just filling our friend Owen in on everything you've been through in the past few years," Mark laughed as he reached for a beer.

"You can ignore him," Derek rolled his eyes as he turned to Owen. "Look, Meredith and Christina were a lot alike. They're still a lot alike, but they've both grown a lot since I've met them."

"What's your point?" Owen asked as he took a swig of beer.

"My point is that you have to take baby steps," Derek sighed. "And you're already better off than I was. You don't have any hidden ex wives or nurses you want to date as a distraction, so…she'll come around."

"You really think so?" Owen asked.

"I do," Derek nodded. "If she's anything like Mer, she'll completely freak out at the prospect of getting married, but when she really thinks about it, she'll realize that she wants this. You just can't pressure her. Give her time. Room to breathe."

"I can do that," Owen nodded. "I got over my PTSD for her, so I can give her some time to get used to the idea of marriage."

Derek smiled as he reached into the cooler for a sandwich. "I don't know if Christina will ever be the warm person that Mer is now," he said. "But it's obvious that she loves you. So if you just wait for her, it will be worth it. It was for me."

"I know it will be," Owen nodded. "I just don't know why life can't be simple for once."

"Believe me, I know," Derek sighed. "We're lucky that we have them, even if life would be a hell of a lot easier without them."

"Are we talking about the women in our life?" Mark asked as he sat down beside him. "Man, Lex is completely amazing."

"Mark Sloan's enjoying married life," Derek shook his head. "Never thought I would see the day."

"Hey, I'm capable of slowing down, starting a life," Mark frowned.

"Only because I did," Derek laughed. "Whenever I do something, Mark isn't close behind," he explained to Owen.

"Does that mean we can expect baby girl Sloan in nine months?" Owen asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Definitely not," Mark shook his head. "Not only is Shep completely off his rocker, but Lex is an intern. There's still a few years before kids come along."

"That's what Mer and I thought," Derek sighed. "But then we ended up with the most perfect little girl in the world."

"Well, that's not going to happen," Mark sighed.

"Make sure she takes her birth control," Derek warned. "Because both Shepherds and Greys are apparently very fertile. I got around a condom and the pill."

"Who knew your sperm had that much strength," Mark laughed. "And I do not do everything you do."

"Right," Derek laughed.

"I didn't get married the first time you did," Mark pointed out.

"Oh," Derek said, looking down at his beer. He was never sure what to do when Mark brought up Addison. He knew now that his best friend had been completely in love with his ex-wife from the moment he had married her, but he had given her up for the sake of their friendship, even after they'd gotten divorced and moved on from each other. "I know."

"I'm just kidding Shep," Mark laughed. "Now that I'm with Lex, I know that Addie wasn't the love of my life."

"Me too," Derek said, feeling slightly sorry for his ex-wife. He knew she was happy in L.A., that she fit in better there than she had in Seattle, but he had no idea what she must have felt when she'd realized that neither of the men she had ever really loved no longer needed, or really wanted, her in their lives. It must have been horrible for her, but he'd learned to move on from that guilt. Since her most recent to Seattle, they had exchanged almost weekly e-mails, and Addison was completely caught up on pictures of Katie and his life with Meredith, as he was with her busy private practice life.

"Man, this place really was messed up before I got here," Owen laughed. "I think I might actually have had less stress in the military on the battlefield."

"I very strangely don't doubt that at all," Derek laughed, raising up his beer in a salute before lifting his lips.

"So what can you tell me about Preston Burke?" Owen asked. "I mean, I know all about his medical career and everything, but what's his real story? Why did he leave? What happened between him and Christina?"

"Don't you think these are questions you should be asking Christina before you get married?" Derek asked with raised eyebrows.

"These aren't things you should go into a marriage without knowing," Mark nodded in agreement, and Derek found still found it odd when his former man whore of a best friend gave out marriage advice.

"I know," Owen said. "But…she's not a big talker."

Derek nodded as he downed his beer and reached for another beer, handing Owen one as well. "Neither did Mer," he sighed. "Baby steps. That's all I can advice. Baby steps."


	28. Chapter 28

"Perfect!" Derek exclaimed as soon as he and Meredith walked into the costume store, Katie babbling eagerly on her hip.

"Seriously?" Meredith asked, taking in the tiny pink princess costume he was holding up to her.

"What?" Derek frowned. "She's our princess, Mer. It's the easiest decision we'll have to make as parents. Princess on Halloween."

"That doesn't mean that we should be like every other parent in the world and dress our baby girl as a princess for her first Halloween," Meredith said. "How about this one? It's cute."

"A fairy?" Derek asked. "She's not allowed to be a princess but she can be a fairy? That's totally not fair."

"Good point," Meredith nodded. "So…how do we do this? I've never actually bought a Halloween costume before."

"Lu ca mar ca!" Katie giggled as she looked around the room, her eyes wide as she took in the variety of colors and costumes.

"We could let Katie bug decide," Derek suggested as he reached to take her out of Meredith's arms.

"She could be a bug," Meredith suggested, pointing to a lady bug costume. "It would be cute."

"My daughter will not be a bug," Derek frowned, looking down at Katie as she mirrored her father's expression.

"But we call her Katie bug," Meredith said.

"How about a cow?"

"Ahhhh ca esa ma lu!" Katie screamed, shaking her head violently and kicking her tiny legs against Derek's ribs.

"I guess that's a no," Derek said.

"Hmm," Meredith sighed. "A pig?"

"Apparently we want to dress our daughter up like a barnyard animal," Derek sighed as he took the extended costume from her hands. "I actually like it. She could be a piglet. He's her favorite Pooh character."

"What do you think, sweetheart?" Meredith asked, tickling her daughter's tummy slightly. "You want to be a piglet?"

"Pi?" Katie frowned, looking up at her mommy with questioning eyes. "Ja pras, am da, me."

"Does that count as a first word?" Derek asked with raised eyebrows. "The first one. I think she was going for pig."

"I don't think so," Meredith sighed. "She's just repeated what I say. It's not a word until she knows what it means."

"Soon," Derek smiled down at his daughter. "Right princess? Soon you'll talk for Mommy and Daddy?"

"Ka ah jasa," Katie giggled as she reached out to tug on the ear of the pig costume Meredith held out.

"Well, that was a lot easier than I thought it would be," Meredith giggled as she reached for a packaged pig costume. "We'll try it on when we get home and make sure that it fits."

"We have to figure out where we'll actually going to take her trick or treating," Derek pointed out as he moved towards the cashier.

"Lex already said that we can go in her neighborhood," Meredith nodded. "We lived there for about half the time I was pregnant anyways."

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "That works."

"Good," Meredith giggled, reaching for a costume. "What are you going to be? I can pick out a costume for you."

"What?" her husband frowned, causing her to giggle even more. "You want me to wear a costume?"

"For Halloween," Meredith nodded. "I personally love this chicken outfit. You'd look good in it."

"You want me to dress up like a chicken," Derek repeated. "You think I'd look good as a chicken."

"Pa ba, chris ya!" Katie erupted into giggles.

"See, Katie thinks it's funny too," Meredith laughed.

"I'm not dressing up like a chicken," Derek rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you want me to wear a chicken costume."

"How about a banana?" Meredith asked, pointing to another fruit. "Katie loves bananas."

"That doesn't mean I'm dressing up like one," Derek said firmly. "And I'm only dressing up if you are."

"Oh, I already have a costume," Meredith purred, moving her body closer to his with a sly smile on her face.

"Oh you do?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows as he slid his free arm around her waist, pulling her close to the opposite side of his body from where Katie was settled onto his hip.

"I do," Meredith said as she wrapped an arm around his neck. "And it's not exactly a PG costume. I don't think I should wear it in front of our daughter. It's more of a…private costume."

"Do I get any more hints than that?" Derek frowned.

"Well, I know that you were a nerd and never got laid in high school," Meredith started.

"Thanks, Mer, I needed that reminder," Derek rolled his eyes as he moved out of her embrace.

"I'm not finished," she smiled, holding her arms tightly around his neck. "I figured that you might like to go back to the food old days. Only this time your sexy tutor will totally sleep with you."

"Really?" Derek asked, clearing his throat and shifting Katie in his arms.

"Really," Meredith nodded.

"Well, I think we should bring our little piglet home for naptime and then you can try your costume on," Derek said, shifting uncomfortably on his feet.

"Give me my baby," Meredith rolled her eyes as she reached for Katie. "She doesn't need Daddy to drop her because he's thinking about hot porny s-e-x."

"God, Mer," Derek breathed. "Just pay for the damn costume so we can go home."

"We'll have to see about your preview," Meredith smiled as she moved towards the cash register. "How well you behave."

"Am I supposed to be good?" Derek breathed in her ear. "Or naughty? I can be very naughty…"

"Derek," she hissed, feeling her skin flush at his husky voice. "Baby. We have our baby, and we're in public."

"You're the one who brought it up," Derek sighed.

"Well, think of something else," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Even if we go home now, nap time isn't until this afternoon. It's only ten."

"Mean," Derek sighed as Meredith reached across the counter for the bag containing Katie's Halloween costume. "You're just mean."

"You love it," Meredith giggled.

"Sadly," Derek sighed, suddenly looking slightly more comfortable as he reached to take Katie from her arms. "Am I allowed to have my baby back?"

"Of course," Meredith sighed. "Since you're the only one who can get her into her car seat."

"I just have an understanding with her," Derek said as he tickled Katie's stomach gently before he reached into his pocket for the car keys.

"Well, Mommy sure would appreciate being let in on this understanding," Meredith sighed as she opened the trunk to throw their shopping bags in. "It's taken me an hour to get her in there, Der. An hour."

Derek laughed as he opened the back door, sliding into the seat beside her car seat and holding her in his lap, talking to her gently for a moment before her eyes started to drift closed and she cuddled into his chest.

"Good job, princess," Derek whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before he gently slid her into the car seat, whispering comforting words as she fussed only slightly at the feeling of being buckled into the car seat.

"Good, she's in," Meredith sighed as she settled into the passenger seat.

"And now we can have naptime for Katie, playtime for Mommy and Daddy," Derek nodded firmly as he slid behind into the driver's side.

"After lunch time," Meredith promised, reaching out to squeeze his hand. "Playtime sounds very promising."

XXXXX

Apparently their daughter had other plans.

As soon as lunch time was over and Meredith had tried to put her down for her nap like she did every day, Katie had screamed bloody murder, obviously not tired at all. Meredith had tried to get her down for half an hour before Derek had tried for forty five minutes, hoping that her screams would tire her out. But they'd had no such luck.

As soon as they'd given up trying to get her down and brought her downstairs for their play time that usually came after nap time, she had giggled loudly crawling all over the living room before she'd gripped the edges of the coffee table, walking in circles as Derek and Meredith had watched her in complete disbelief.

"She's only eight months old," Derek breathed as he stared at his daughter, taking slow but steady steps around the coffee table like she had been for weeks.

"Almost nine months," Meredith sighed as she snapped a teddy bear off of the floor and tossed it into the play pen.

"But that's way too young to give up naps," Derek frowned.

"Well, she'll probably go down early tonight," Meredith pointed out. "Which gives us a lot more time for our adult rated play time."

"I'd be okay with her taking a nap and going to bed early," Derek sighed.

"Derek," Meredith groaned. "She's our daughter. We can't just put her to sleep all the time so we can have sex."

"I know," Derek nodded. "Come here, sweetheart. Daddy's sorry if he's crabby today."

"Oh ba ehhh sta," Katie said as she tentatively let go of the table with one hand, reaching out to Derek.

"Mer," Derek breathed as he knelt down about a foot away from their daughter. "Come here."

Meredith turned from the play pen, her eyes widening as she saw her husband kneeling on the ground, her daughter letting go of the table with the other hand, gaining her balance as she looked from Derek to Meredith.

"Katie," Meredith whispered as she sat down beside Derek, opening her eyes out to her daughter. "Are you going to walk to Mommy and Daddy?"

"Eh sa fa tu," Katie frowned for a moment, a determined look on her face before she reached a hand out in front of her, taking a tentative step towards her eager parents.

"That's it," Derek breathed as Katie took another step forward. "Good job princess."

"One more step," Meredith nodded encouragingly. "Come on, Katie, you can do it."

Katie took one last step forward before she fell into Meredith's arms, giggling as Meredith pulled her tightly into her arms, hugging her closely. "Good job sweetheart," she said, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh Katie," Derek breathed as he took Katie from her arms. "Daddy's so proud of you. You're such a big girl."

"She's walking early," Meredith said as she ran a hand over Katie's dark curls.

"Because she's a genius," Derek laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Right sweetheart? You inherited Daddy's genius genes."

"Don't be an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm not," Derek laughed. "Our daughter just walked, Mer. She walked, all by herself."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "She's getting so big."

"Ja sa!" Katie shouted, struggling in Derek's arms.

"You want to get down?" Derek laughed as he set her on her feet, balancing her slightly before he let go, watching her walk towards a doll that lay beside the couch. "She's going to be very busy."

"Which means we're going to be very busy," Meredith sighed as she leaned into her husband's embrace.

"But she's perfect," Derek said, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "We made her, Mer."

"I know," Meredith giggled. "I seem to remember that."

"We made the world's most perfect little girl," Derek said.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "And soon we'll start trying for the world's most perfect little boy," Meredith promised.

"Soon?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Well…not soon," Meredith sighed. "But soonish. Maybe…a year?"

"A year is good," Derek smiled. "And Mer…I know we should have taken about this a long time ago, but do you know how many you want?"

"Right now, watching her," Meredith smiled as Katie collapsed onto her bottom, babbling to her baby doll. "I don't ever want to stop trying."

"I think you'd get sick of being pregnant eventually," Derek laughed.

"I know I'd get sick of it," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But I don't know…maybe three? Or four?"

"Three or four sounds good," Derek sighed as he pulled her into his arms. "I can't believe we're here."

"What do you mean?" Meredith asked.

"I just…I remember the night we met," Derek said. "It was five years ago, but in some ways it seems like a lifetime ago."

"And in others it feels like it was just yesterday," Meredith nodded in understanding.

"I was in so much pain that night," Derek sighed. "It was my first night in Seattle, and less than twenty four hours before I'd caught Addison and Mark in bed together. All I'd really wanted was to stop the hurting, to just have a night of fun."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I was so nervous to be a doctor, completely terrified. And well…that's what I did before you."

"I never thought that we'd end up here," Derek said. "The moment I sat down beside you I knew I felt something more than a one night stand, but the way you kicked me out…"

"It worked on other guys," Meredith giggled.

"Well, I'm glad it didn't work on me," Derek laughed with her.

"My one night stand turned into the love of my life," Meredith said softly. "The one I can't live without."

"So you do think about it," Derek said.

"I was never supposed to be this person," Meredith sighed. "A wife and a mom…I thought I could do it but then Addison came and everything went to hell. But then I realized that I could do it. With you."

"We can do anything together," Derek nodded. "Including taking care of a very busy baby."

"Ma ca ry ah!" Katie sighed as she turned to look at her parents, rubbing her eyes gently.

"Oh, are you finally tired?" Meredith asked, crawling across the living room floor to pull her daughter into her arms. "Can Mommy and Daddy put you down for a nap without causing the entire city to hear you screaming?"

"Sa coo," Katie sighed as she rested her head against Meredith's shoulder.

"Maybe she just wanted us to watch her walk before she took a nap," Derek said as he stood and walked over to them.

"That sounds like our baby," Meredith nodded. "She's going to be a show off, aren't you, piglet?"

"Ry ah," Katie sighed.

"I think that means yes," Derek laughed. "But she has a lot to show off."

"I suppose she's going to have your ego," Meredith giggled as they moved towards the stairs together.

"That's a good thing," Derek nodded, reaching for the almost sleeping baby. "She has a lot to be proud of."

"She does," Meredith giggled, pressing a kiss to the top of Katie's head. "Sleep well, princess. Daddy's going to put you down while Mommy gets a surprise ready for him."

"Go get changed," Derek ordered, pushing her gently towards their bedroom. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

Meredith smiled as she walked into her bedroom, moving quickly to the back of their closet as she reached for the costume she'd bought more for Derek than herself, quickly slipping into the skirt, button down shirt, and knee socks before braiding her hair and tying them with red ribbons to match her skirt.

"Oh, Mer…" her husband's voice came from the doorway just as she stepped out of the closet, and she giggled slightly as her eyes landed on his already tightened pants.

"Mr. Shepherd," she purred, moving closer to him. "I hear that you've been having a little trouble in anatomy class."

"Oh um…just a little, Miss Grey," Derek said, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer.

"Well, hopefully I can help with that," Meredith said, pushing him onto the bed as she slid on top of him. "Even if it may be slightly…inappropriate."

Her husband moaned loudly as she reached for the buttons on his shirt, unbuttoning them slowly as she began trailing kisses down every inch of newly exposed skin. She'd never really done the Halloween thing before, but this definitely wasn't bad, not bad at all.


	29. Chapter 29

"Mama!" Katie giggled as Meredith walked into the day care center at the hospital. "Dada?"

"Daddy's still in surgery," Meredith sighed as she bent over to pick her eleven month old up off of the floor. "But Mommy's going to take you home and we can have some special bonding time, okay?"

"Mama ball," Katie giggled, holding up a tiny basket ball and throwing it towards the hoop across the room.

"Did you find a ball?" Meredith asked as she looked up to see the day care provider, Tanya walking over to them. "How was she today?"

"Wonderful," Tanya smiled as she handed over the diaper bag, laughing as Katie ran unsteadily towards the ball and picked it up again, throwing it at the hoop. "I think you have a future athlete on your hands."

"It sure looks that way," Meredith smiled. "So Derek and I both have the weekend off, amazingly enough, but we'll see you on Monday."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," Tanya nodded. "Enjoy your time off. I'm sure Katie will enjoy having you both home."

"We will," Meredith nodded. "It's supposed to snow, so maybe Katie will get her first taste of that."

"That sounds wonderful," Tanya smiled.

"Have a good weekend," Meredith smiled as she bent over to pick Katie up, placing her on her hip.

"Mama no!" Katie frowned as she struggled in Meredith's arms, reaching for the abandoned basket ball on the floor.

"Katie yes," Meredith giggled. "You know you have about a million toys at home you can play with."

"Ball!" Katie screamed as another child came up to play with the ball. "Kat ball! Ball fun!"

"If you're really good maybe Daddy will stop on his way home to buy you your own ball," Meredith nodded. "But only if you're good."

"Ball," Katie sobbed as Meredith carried her out into the lobby and into the cold January air of the parking lot.

"Katie, as happy as I am that you've learned a new word, you've got to calm down," Meredith sighed. "You're going to have a fun night at Grandma's while Mommy and Daddy have a night alone."

"Gma?" Katie asked, her tears suddenly calming.

"Yes, I know you like Grandma more than me," Meredith sighed. "So are you going to calm down?"

"Kat lo Mama," Katie sighed as she nuzzled into Meredith's neck. "Kat lo Mama and ball."

"Oh, now you love me?" Meredith giggled as she kissed the top of her daughter's capped head. "Are you just sucking up so you make sure I actually take you to Grandma's and don't bring you to your horrible home?"

"Kat pay Gma."

"That's right, Grandma will play with you," Meredith nodded as she settled Katie into her car seat. "And you're going to have a sleepover there too. But don't worry, she only lives five minutes away, and Mommy and Daddy will be there if you need anything, okay?"

"Ho?"

"We're going home," Meredith nodded, sliding Katie's hat off before she closed the door and moved to the driver's side of her car.

It had been a whirlwind of a few months, with Katie's first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and first trip to New York for Christmas. Carolyn had flown back to Seattle with them, and had spent the past month adjusting to her new home on their land. Since Katie was getting more comfortable with her grandmother, Derek and Meredith had found themselves able to reserve one night a week just for the two of them where they could be husband and wife without being Mommy and Daddy, and she found herself cherishing those nights. As much as she loved her daughter, it was nice to go out to dinner with Derek, or even spend an evening at home cuddling and having sex without worrying about waking their daughter who had inherited her father's light sleeping habits and didn't allow them to spend much alone time.

"Alright, piglet, here we are," Meredith smiled as she pulled up in front of Carolyn's house and moved to the backseat, quickly bundling her daughter back up as she pulled her out of her car seat.

"Gma!" Katie giggled as Carolyn opened the front door of her small one story home just down the road from their house.

"There's my favorite little girl in the whole world!" Carolyn exclaimed as she reached for the baby. "How was your day?"

"Kat pay ball," Katie sighed. "Mama no ball."

"Katie's mad at me because I made her leave her basket ball at day care," Meredith explained as she followed Carolyn into the house, setting the diaper bag on a kitchen chair.

"Oh, dear girl, I'm sure that your mommy and daddy will buy you a new ball," Carolyn laughed.

"So she seems like she won't need a nap until bed time," Meredith said. "And you still have baby food in your fridge?"

"Yes," Carolyn said as she sat down on the couch, resting Katie on her lap. "And she's got pajamas in her very own room here at Grandma's."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "Her pig is in the diaper bag, and you know she won't go to sleep without it. I also put her blanket in there and an extra bottle, but if you need anything Derek and I are just staying in tonight, so feel free to come up and get it. She may start getting another tooth, so I put her teething ring in there as well, and she's just getting over a cold, so there's some baby Tylenol in there as well, but call us if she needs it and we'll come get her."

"We'll be fine, won't we, Katie darling?" Carolyn smiled. "Derek stopped by earlier, he said he has a very special night planned for the two of you, so you should go. Katie and I will be fine."

"Derek's already home?" Meredith frowned. "He told me we had a late surgery and I'd be home first."

"Well, I believe he has quite the surprise planned for you," Carolyn smiled. "Right Katie?"

"Dada ri for Mama," Katie nodded.

"Daddy has a ring for Mommy?" Meredith frowned as she looked down at her wedding rings. "Daddy got rings for Mommy a long time ago. They used to be Grandma's before they were Mommy's."

"Say good night to Katie and go home to your husband," Carolyn smiled. "I didn't expect little miss here to spill the beans."

Meredith gave her mother in law a strange look as she reached for Katie, pulling her into her arms. "Good night piglet," she smiled. "Mommy and Daddy will come get you in the morning so we can play in the snow okay?"

"Sno?" Katie frowned as she slapped at Meredith's lips. "Mama Dada sno? Kat sno? Gma sno?"

"Snow," Meredith nodded. "You'll like it, I promise."

"Lo Mama," Katie smiled as she nuzzled Meredith's neck.

"Mama loves you too," Meredith said, pressing a kiss to Katie's head before handing her back to Carolyn. "Have fun with Grandma."

"Bye Mama," Katie giggled as Carolyn set her on the floor and she began exploring the living room.

"Bye piglet," Meredith smiled before turning to Carolyn. "Thanks, Mom," she sighed. "And please call if there are any problems at all."

"I will," Carolyn nodded, pointing her daughter towards the door. "Go home to your husband. He's waiting for you."

Meredith sighed as she stepped back into the cold January air, hopping into the front seat of her car and driving the quick few minutes up to her own house, which was strangely dark. Derek's car was in the driveway, but the house was completely dark and she frowned as she walked through the front door, following the soft candle light that led to their darkened living room.

"Der?" she frowned as she saw him standing in the middle of the candles, a bottle of champagne in his hands.

"There you are," he smiled as he moved towards her, smiling as he squeezed her hands gently before pressing a kiss to her lips. "Hi."

"Hi," she said as she looked around the room. "What's going on?"

"Remember when you made the house of candles?" Derek asked.

"Of course," Meredith smiled. "I'm assuming that this living room meets your approval more than mine did?"

"Definitely," Derek laughed. "But…that moment, Mer, that's when I knew that things were going to work out for us for good. It's when I realized that you wanted me forever and we could make it."

"Okay," Meredith said slowly. "I know all this, Der. What are you doing?"

"We're married," Derek said, squeezing her hand softly. "And I love that we're married."

"Are you drunk?" Meredith frowned. "Because you're not making any sense."

"No I'm not drunk," Derek sighed. "But I think we know now that I'm not the best at proposing."

"Proposing?" Meredith frowned. "Derek, we're already married. And your proposal was perfect."

"We're married," Derek nodded. "But we never had a wedding. I want to give you a wedding."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, finally realizing what he was talking about. "A wedding."

"Our wedding," Derek smiled as he reached for her left hand, slipping her engagement ring off of her finger. "Whatever you want, not what anyone else wants."

"Okay," Meredith smiled softly.

"So, Meredith Shepherd," Derek smiled as he held the ring out to her. "Will you marry me again?"

"In a second," Meredith smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him carefully. "Derek…"

"Hmm," he sighed as he slid her ring back onto her finger. "I love you."

"I love you too," she giggled. "So this is Derek's house of candles?"

"More like Derek's house with candles in it," he smiled as he rested his forehead against hers. "And I have dinner in the kitchen and a surprise upstairs."

"A surprise?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Hmm," Derek nodded. "Bubble bath and lingerie?"

"Since when do you want me in lingerie?" Meredith asked.

"Since I have some fantasies that may have developed as of late," Derek laughed as he took her hand and led her into the kitchen.

"Fantasies?" Meredith asked, her breath catching in her throat as she took in the way Derek had transformed their kitchen into a romantic restaurant. "Derek…"

"Hmm," he smiled as he moved to the stove and scooped some pasta onto plates before reaching into the oven. "Do you want to open the wine?"

"Sure," she said. "I can't believe you did all of this," Meredith breathed as she twisted the cork of the wine in her hand.

"Well, it is our engagement night," Derek laughed softly.

"Remember our last engagement night?" Meredith giggled as she poured the wine into glasses.

"You mean where we got home from our various errands at one in the morning and had just enough energy to have loud enough sex to cause Alex to go back to the hospital?" Derek laughed.

"Well, it was make up sex and engagement sex," Meredith sighed as she sat down beside him. "And cheering up Derek sex."

"It worked," he laughed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I never would have made it through that without you, Mer."

"And I never would have gotten through…Izzie and George without you," she whispered softly.

Derek smiled as he squeezed her hand tightly. "We've helped each other through a hell of a lot," he said.

"And now we're finally happy," she said as she set her fork down and leaned into his embrace.

"We are," Derek nodded. "When do you want to have our wedding?"

"Spring?" Meredith whispered. "After our real…maybe in June?"

"June's good," Derek smiled. "Katie will be seventeen months old."

"She can be our flower girl," Meredith laughed.

"She'll be perfect," Derek laughed. "I'm serious, Mer, whatever you want."

"No tuxes," she shook her head. "Not even any ties. And I'm not wearing a wedding dress."

"Will you wear white?"

"Derek, I have a baby," she sighed. "And I'm pretty sure that everyone at our wedding will have heard us having sex."

"Not everyone," Derek frowned.

"Derek, last week after we left your office I had the chief ask me to keep it down," Meredith rolled her eyes. "The chief heard us, Derek."

"Okay…well maybe you're right, but I want you in white," Derek said. "Please, Mer?"

"Fine," she sighed. "A white non wedding dress."

"And just friends," Derek said. "The sisters, their families, the friends from the hospital."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "Simple. No DJ, no flowers. The land at sunset, a simple cake from the store. Barbeque chicken for dinner."

"Sounds perfect," he smiled as he pulled her closer. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she said, pulling back to look into his eyes. "But Der…you know I don't need a wedding, right? I love you, and we're already married, and that's all I really need. You don't have to give me a wedding to make me happy."

"I know," he smiled. "But I want a wedding. I want to promise to love you forever in front of our family and friends, I want to celebrate that love with you, and I want to have pictures of our wedding. I want Katie to know how much her parents love her."

"I think she knows that," Meredith giggled. "But I want that too. And I want a honeymoon."

"Honeymoon is a must," Derek laughed.

"You said we would get married on the beach, drinking cocktails during the ceremony," Meredith said softly.

"Well, as much as I would love to do that, I want Katie to be there," Derek sighed, running his hand through her hair. "And the rest of the family."

"Me too," Meredith smiled.

"But we can leave her with Mom or Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark for a week and go to the Bahamas," Derek nodded firmly. "Drink lots of cocktails and have lots of sex."

"That sounds perfect," Meredith sighed. "I love the beach."

"I think I'll love you on the beach," Derek said as he slid a hand under her shirt.

"Not so fast, Dr. Shepherd," Meredith said coyly as she pulled back from his embrace and reached for a piece of garlic bread.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"This is our engagement night," she giggled. "And we're going to have an actual wedding this time, so we're going to have an actual engagement night."

"What the hell does that mean?" Derek frowned. "Torturing me?"

"No," she giggled. "We'll have dinner and then take a bath, and then I'll put on some lingerie and we'll have dessert."

"Dessert?" Derek asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Hmm," Meredith nodded as she reached forward to feed him a bite full of pasta. "Your favorite."

"Key lime pie?" Derek breathed.

"Well, I was thinking chocolate covered Mer," she giggled. "But I guess that's your second favorite, so you can have key lime pie if that really is your favorite."

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head, pulling her from her chair into his lap. "Chocolate covered Mer is definitely my favorite thing…ever."

"Good," Meredith smiled as she pressed her lips against his. "And you know…suddenly I'm not so hungry anymore."

"Really?" Derek asked, his eyes narrowing as he offered her the patented McDreamy look.

"Really," she breathed, wondering how she was still as effected by that look as she had been five years before when he'd picked her up in the bar. "Bath?"

"Dessert," Derek countered against her lips.

"Bath," Meredith giggled as she stood, pulling him to his feet. "But you can preview dessert in the bath."

"I like previews," Derek smiled as he pulled her into his arms and moved quickly towards the stairs.

Meredith giggled as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. She had definitely not been coming home to expect her husband to propose again, but she couldn't help feeling excited. She was finally going to have a wedding.


	30. Chapter 30

"Good night princess," Derek murmured as he placed a kiss to the top of Katie's head and gently laid her in her crib. "I love you. So does Mommy, even though she's working late tonight."

"Mama?" Katie asked sleepily, looking around the room for her mommy who was usually there to put her to bed.

"She'll check on you when she gets home," Derek promised. "But Daddy's here, so you're safe okay? Just call me if you need anything."

"Misa lo," Katie sighed as she reached for her teddy bear, her tiny fist grasping its ear as she drifted off to sleep.

"Good girl," Derek smiled as he slowly edged out of the room, moving to his own bedroom and flipping on the baby monitor before he collapsed onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling.

It was a rare night when Meredith had been pulled into an emergency surgery that so far she still hadn't been released from. She'd promised to call when she was on her way home, and it was already eight with no word from her, which meant the surgery was still going on.

He had enjoyed spending the evening with his daughter. Katie, nearly a year old now, was completely becoming her own person, and he had loved chasing her around the play room as her loud giggles filled the air. He'd given her a bath and even read her a few more stories than usual simply because he wasn't sure what to do now that his daughter was in bed and his wife was at the stupid hospital.

With a deep sigh he pushed himself off of the bed and moved towards the bathroom, suddenly looking forward to lingering in a long, hot shower without any time constraints. His showers had become hurried parts of his mornings, in efforts to maximize family cuddle time in the morning, but now that he had some time to himself, he could really enjoy just standing in the shower for as long as he wanted, as he had in the days before he'd had a very busy daughter to look after.

His life was completely perfect. In two weeks, his perfect baby girl would turn a year old and really be a toddler, no longer be the baby that he felt had been born just yesterday. Meredith was completely amazing as well, throwing herself into planning their wedding with every spare moment she had. It was still a few months away and the ceremony would be simple, but they were both looking forward to having the wedding that had never actually accompanied their marriage. And there was, of course, the two weeks in the Bahamas that he had promised her nearly two years ago on their non wedding night that he was looking forward to most of all.

He closed his eyes and tilted his head back as he ran his hands through his wet hair, wondering whether Meredith was going to actually make it home tonight so they could practice for the Bahamas. Not that they really needed practice, but he wasn't going to give up any chance he could to have sex with his amazingly gorgeous wife who loved sex just as much as he did.

As if on cue, a pair of slender arms slipped around his waist, and he felt her lips press against the smooth skin of his back.

"Hmmm," he sighed as he leaned into her touch. "You know, I'm expecting my wife home soon. We're going to have to make this a quickie. She has some major anger issues."

"Don't be an idiot," Meredith sighed as she moved to stand in front of him, pressing her body against his as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "Hi. I missed you so much today."

"Hi," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her. "I thought you were going to call when you were on the way home."

"Your phone's dead," she replied. "I didn't want to call the house and risk waking Katie."

"Well, that's much appreciated," Derek said as he ran her hands over her naked body. "How was your surgery?"

"Good," she nodded. "Patient lived."

"Good," Derek said, squeezing her tightly.

"And now…Dr. Shepherd," she purred as she arched her body against his. "I'm on a surgery high."

"Oh are you now?" Derek asked as he reached out to cup her breast. "What do you expect me to do about it?"

"Katie's down for the count," Meredith whispered as she reached behind her to turn off the water. "And we both have the day off tomorrow."

"Which means we can have sex," Derek murmured as he reached for a towel, gently drying his wife's wet body.

"Lots and lots of sex," Meredith murmured, reaching for a towel to pat dry his body as well.

"Good," Derek said, reaching down to hook her thighs around his waist as he carried her towards their bed.

"Derek," she giggled as he dropped her onto the bed, climbing on top of her and pressing her into the mattress.

"Hmm," he sighed as he leaned down to kiss her. "I'll make sure you're screaming that very soon."

"Screaming, huh?" Meredith said as she rolled them over so she was on top, straddling him as she ran her hands up and down his chest. "What if I want you to scream my name?"

"If you make me," Derek smirked up at her.

"Oh, that's easy," she giggled as she leaned down to gently scrape her teeth against his nipple while squeezing his balls tightly in her fist, moving her hips slowly over his as she continued to kiss down his chest.

"Oh!" Derek cried, his back arching into her. "Oh God, Mer…Please…I…oh God, yes…"

"Yes," she smiled as she rubbed his throbbing erection against her wet folds. "I read some…things today."

"Read…things?" Derek asked breathlessly.

"Hmmm," Meredith giggled. "And I was thinking…we have sex in the bed way too much."

Derek's brain was foggy as she continued to squeeze him tightly against her. "No such thing," he gasped. "Sex…good."

"Sex is good," his wife giggled, and then she was moving off of him, taking his hand and pulling him onto unsteady feet as well. "But sex on the kitchen table is amazing. So I was thinking we could be amazing today."

"Table," Derek blinked. "Oh…okay."

Meredith giggled as she led him towards the stairs, her eyes trained on his erection as pre cum already gathered at its tip. "We're getting boring," she said as they entered the kitchen and she moved to hop onto the table, spreading her legs wide for him to step in between.

"Sex is never boring," Derek breathed, but his felt his body begin to lose control as she reached down to stroke her own folds.

"Hmm," Meredith sighed as she met his eyes. "Take me, Der," she breathed as she leaned back against the table, her hair falling over the wooden surface as he moved to step between her legs, his hands moving to grip her hips.

"I love you," he breathed as he lifted her hips off of the table top, thrusting into her quickly.

"Oh!" Meredith cried, moving her right leg to hook over his shoulder. "Derek…."

"Yes," he grunted as he continued to thrust into her, feeling her body already clench around him. "Oh, Mer…"

"Derek," she sighed as she lifted her hips off of the table, squeezing him inside of her.

"Mer," he gasped, running a hand along the leg that rested against his body as his other hand moved to touch her where their bodies were joined. "Please."

"I love you," Meredith breathed as she looked up at him with wide eyes. "Derek…I love you so much."

"I love you too," he said, seeing something desperate and…longing in his eyes. "Mer, what is it?"

"Nothing," she shook her head as she unclenched her muscles from around him. "Please, Derek."

Derek squeezed her hips tightly as he continued to thrust into her again, her hips rising to meet his as he slid in and out of her. "Mer," he gasped. "Yes…"

"Derek," she gasped, her body responding to his every touch in a way that she wasn't sure she ever had before, each touch filled with complete passion and electricity that caused her entire body to tingle in a way that caused her body to thrash gently on the table, her chest heaving as she struggled to breathe through the passion that Derek was causing her to feel. "Oh, yes…Derek!"

"Mer," he moaned as his motions began to speed up, his hips losing any sense of rhythm as he moved in and out of her, her muscles clenching around him as he ran his hands over her body, cupping a breast in his hand. "Come," he ordered gently.

"Derek," Meredith whimpered as her back arched off of the kitchen table, feeling her own orgasm wash over her as Derek spilled into her. "Derek…"

"Mer," he gasped, pulling her to sit up on the table as she wrapped her arms and legs around him. "Oh, God, Mer."

"Hmm," she sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Derek…"

"Mer," he breathed as he buried his nose in her hair. "God, I love you. That was…"

"Amazing," Meredith giggled slightly as she ran her hands over his chest. "I love table sex."

"Me too," Derek laughed as he pulled back from her to reach into the fridge for a bottle of water. "I don't even remember the last time we had table sex."

"Our little piglet makes it kind of hard," Meredith giggled slightly as she took the offered water bottle, smiling softly at him.

"Mer," he said as he looked into her eyes, noticing the shadows that were still lingering there despite the sex and the giggling. "What's going on with you?"

She sighed as she hopped off of the table and moved towards the door. "I'm just tired," she said. "Let's go to bed."

"Mer," Derek rolled his eyes. "That doesn't actually doesn't work on me."

"Derek, just drop it," she sighed. "I had a long day, a bad day or whatever, and I just gave you hot table sex, so can you just let it go?"

"I loved the table sex," Derek nodded as he followed her up the stairs. "But…what was the sex distracting me from?"

"Nothing," Meredith snapped as she slid into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. "It's fine, Derek, let's just go to bed."

"Meredith," Derek frowned as he watched her slid under the covers, a tear escaping down her cheek. "Talk to me, Mer."

She gasped quietly as he sat down beside her on the bed, running a hand over her body that lay under the covers. "It's okay," he murmured quietly. "No running, remember?"

"I'm not running," she whispered.

"I know," Derek nodded. "But talk to me, Mer. You usually feel better after you talk to me, don't you?"

She sighed as she sat still for a moment before she rolled over to look at him, tears filling her eyes. "You do make me feel better," she said softly.

"Good," Derek said as he reached out to brush some hair behind her ear. "What's going on?"

Meredith stared down at her hands for a moment before she whispered, "Alex has a girlfriend."

Derek blinked in surprise for a moment before he reached for her hand. "I…Mer, isn't that a good thing?" he asked softly. "It's been almost two years."

"I know," Meredith said softly, linking her fingers through his as she played with his wedding ring. "But…Izzie's dead."

"I know, Mer," Derek sighed as he shifted to pull her into his arms. "You still miss her."

"I do," Meredith nodded. "But if she weren't dead, Alex wouldn't be dating."

"Hmm," Derek nodded, trying to figure out exactly what was going on in his wife's head.

"I know it sounds stupid," Meredith whispered. "But…I don't know, I guess I'm just wondering what will happen if something happens to me."

"Oh," Derek sighed as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "You're scared that I'd date again if something happened to you."

"Not scared," Meredith sighed, tears filling her eyes. "It's just weird. Because I know if something happened to you, I'd never date or whatever, but I'd want you to be happy, even if it means that you have to be with someone else. I hate that thought, Derek, I really do, but…I don't know, maybe I'm having a mental breakdown or something."

"You're not having a mental breakdown," Derek smiled softly. "It's perfectly normal to be afraid of that."

"It is?" Meredith whispered.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded. "And if something did happen to me, believe me there would be some serious post mortem ass kicking going on if there was ever another man in the picture."

Meredith giggled softly as she tightened her arms around his waist. "I wouldn't date, Derek," she said softly. "Because you're it for me and we promised forever and I don't want to date anyone else, Derek."

"I wouldn't either," Derek said, running a hand through her hair. "I love you, Meredith, more than anything in the world. And I will never love another girl as much as I love you. Well, except for Katie."

Meredith giggled slightly, brushing the tears away from her eyes. "I guess that's acceptable," she said softly. "Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"You know there's an easy way to solve this," she said as she rolled on top of him, cuddling herself tightly into his arms. "Don't ever die, ever."

Derek sighed as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, holding her as close to him as possible. "I love you, Mer," he breathed. "And I'll promise that I'll do absolutely everything in my power to never ever leave you or Katie."

"I guess that will have to be enough," Meredith sighed. "And…me too. I don't ever want to leave you either. Or Katie."

Derek pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Is this all that's bothering you?" he asked softly. "You still seem off."

Meredith sighed as she stretched her body out over his, running her fingers through his hair. "It's just weird," she said softly. "Part of me is happy that Alex is dating again, moving on with his life. But another part of me feels like he's betraying Izzie."

"Maybe you should talk to Izzie about it," Derek suggested gently.

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as she moved back to her side of the bed. "It's not talking to Izzie, and you know it."

"I know it's hard for you to go see them," he said, moving to spoon her, pulling her back to reset against his chest. "But remember when we were in New York and I took you and Katie to meet my dad?"

"Yeah," she said softly.

"Doing that meant a lot to me," he said softly. "Because as much as I believe that my dad already knew you and is watching out for Katie, it was like you were really meeting him. I know it might sound crazy, but it meant a lot to me. And when I lived in New York, I was there all the time, talking to him, telling him about my life."

"But it didn't matter," Meredith whispered. "Derek, I get that you miss your dad, and I hate that I'll never meet him. I'm glad that you still feel connected to him, but does it really make a difference? Talking to his grave?"

"I think it does," Derek said honestly, running his hands through his hair. "You want to know something I've never told anyone?"

"Always," she whispered, tilting her head up to look him in the eye.

"I think it was my dad who gave me the chance to come to Seattle," Derek whispered. "After…that night after I left Addison, I had nowhere to go, so I ended up in the cemetery in the middle of a hug rainstorm. I just sat there begging my dad to tell me what to do, and then I got the phone call from Richard. I know it's probably just coincidence, but I like to think that it was my dad taking care of me, even after he's gone."

Meredith sighed as she looked closely at him. "It's just scary," she whispered. "Alex was thinking about having their babies, and then he met some girl and it's like Izzie never existed."

"He's not going to forget Izzie," Derek assured her. "None of us will."

"But he might start a new life," Meredith whispered softly.

"Well…yes," Derek sighed. "But if he's happy, then you should be happy for him, Mer."

"I am," Meredith said, tears filling her eyes. "But I can't help thinking about how you'd start over if I died. If you'd find someone better for you."

"Oh, Meredith," Derek breathed, tightening his arms around her. "I would never move on from you. And I'd never find anyone better."

"You'd want to be happy."

"And I'd rather raise our little girl by myself and honor our marriage than move on with anyone else," Derek said softly. "But I hope to hell that I don't have to."

"Me too," Meredith sighed, leaning up to kiss him. "And I wouldn't find anyone else either. You're it, Der, and I don't want anyone else. Ever."

"Good," Derek smiled, pressing a firm kiss to the top of her head. "Are you done freaking out yet?"

"I was not freaking out," she frowned.

"You were definitely freaking out," Derek laughed. "But it's okay. I like calming you down. And the sex was hot."

"Hmmm," Meredith giggled as she slid her body over his. "You want some more sex?"

"Have I ever said no to that?" Derek laughed, trailing his hands up and down her back as he leaned up to kiss her passionately.

"Definitely not," she giggled against his lips. "I love you, Derek. So much."

"I love you too," he promised as he reached up to push her hair out of her face. "More than you know."

"Forever," Meredith whispered before she straddled his hips, leaning down to kiss him again.


	31. Chapter 31

"Here," Meredith said as she approached the nurse's station, handing Christina a large white envelope.

"What the hell is this?" Christina asked as she opened the envelope and frowned at the paper in her hands.

"An invitation," Meredith nodded. "To a party. For my daughter, because she's going to be a year old in two days."

"You're inviting me to the midget's birthday party?" Christina frowned. "I hate birthdays."

"She's not a midget, she's my daughter," Meredith nodded. "And you're her aunt. You have to come."

"I don't do birthdays," Christina rolled her eyes.

"You did my birthday," Meredith pointed out.

"I did your birthday three years ago when you were fun and there was alcohol," Christina nodded. "I'm pretty sure that you're not going to be serving tequila shots beside the baby bottles."

"Definitely not," Meredith giggled. "But you should come. There will be cake. And other food. Derek's cooking."

Christina rolled her eyes. "I'll see what I can do," she sighed. "Have you talked to Alex today?"

"No," Meredith sighed. "Why?"

Christina nodded down the hall behind Meredith. "That's why," she said. "McBimbo's here."

Meredith turned to follow her best friend's gaze, frowning when she saw a laughing brunette standing beside Alex as he leaned against the wall beside the elevator. "Is that her?" she asked.

"Yep," Christina sighed as she turned back to her chart. "Apparently she's exactly what he needs right now."

Meredith frowned before she turned back to her best friend. "Do you think it's normal?" she asked. "For him to move on?"

Christina shrugged. "What do I know about Alex?" she asked. "He has issues. And I don't talk. I cut."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But…if it were Owen moving on if something happened to you, wouldn't you hate it?"

Christina froze for a moment before she looked back at Meredith. "Izzie's dead, Mer," she said after a moment."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "It just feels like he's replacing Izzie or whatever with this new chick."

"Heads up," Christina breathed as she turned back to her chart, not looking up at Meredith again.

"Hey Meredith," Alex said as he stopped by her side, the brunette's hand held tightly in his. "This is Tara, she stopped by to have lunch."

Meredith stared at her for a moment before she flashed her a polite smile. "Nice to meet you," she said. "I um…I'm sorry I can't talk, but I have a thing to do. With Derek. We're um…planning a party, so I have to go. Do my thing. With Derek, because he's my husband."

"Smooth, Mer," Christina muttered as she moved past them to walk towards the elevators.

Meredith rolled her eyes before she flashed a quick smile at Alex and Tara and moved down the hall, her hands shaking. Alex was dating. Alex was dating, and she wasn't sure why that upset her so much, but it definitely did, and now she needed a break from this work thing.

"Mama!" her daughter's giggle met her as she stepped into her husband's office and closed the door behind her.

"Hi, piglet," Meredith smiled as she knelt onto the floor, holding her arms out to Katie as she walked quickly towards her. "How are you?"

"Ju," Katie said as she held up a sippy cup, a wide smile on her face as she handed it to Meredith.

"Did Daddy get you some juice?" Meredith giggled, pulling her daughter onto her hip and smiling at Derek from where he sat behind his desk, a pile of paperwork stacked in front of him.

"She wouldn't calm down until she had apple juice," Derek laughed as he reached out to pull her closer. "Just like her mommy."

"Apple juice is good," Meredith smiled, reaching a hand out to run her fingers through his hair. "How's your day going?"

"Boring," he shrugged. "Paperwork."

"Hmm," Meredith smiled. "And I see you're doing very well on that front. I think there's more here now than this morning."

"Well, it's stupid for her to sit down in day care when I'm just doing paperwork," Derek laughed.

"Casa oh!" Katie nodded in agreement.

"Exactly, princess," Derek laughed. "She's fine, Mer, I baby proofed the office when she started crawling."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she set Katie down on the floor again, watching as the little girl reached for the abandoned stuffed pig that sat in the middle of the floor, babbling loudly to it.

"What's going on?" Derek asked as he pulled her into his lap, looking up at her with concerned eyes.

Meredith smiled softly as her fingers moved through his hair. "I hate that you know me so well," she stated.

"Well, you're going to have to get used to it eventually," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "What's wrong?"

"Alex's girlfriend is here," Meredith said softly.

"Ahh," Derek nodded. "And you have no idea how to talk to her, so you're hiding in my office."

"Right," Meredith said. "I mean, she seems nice enough, Der, but how am I supposed to like her without feeling like I'm betraying Izzie?"

"He's your friend too," Derek pointed out gently. "Mer, I know it's hard, but Izzie's gone. I think she'd be happy that Alex is happy."

"I know," Meredith whispered.

"I know it's hard," Derek nodded. "But Mer, Alex is your friend too. And he's alive, not Izzie."

"Oh," Meredith blinked as she looked down at her lap. "I…you're right. I know you're right."

"Of course I'm right," Derek laughed, tightening his arms around her. "I'm always right."

"Of course," Meredith rolled her eyes, leaning into him. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled, pressing his lips to hers.

"Dada!" Katie screamed from the floor, and the two of them turned to look at their daughter as she stared at them from the floor.

"Sorry, piglet, are we not giving you enough attention?" Meredith giggled as she slid out of Derek's lap to kneel on the floor. "We'd never forget our princess, you know that."

"Basa lo," Katie sighed as she looked down at the pig in her hands before offering it to Meredith. "Mama sa?"

"Mommy is a little sad," Derek smiled as he knelt beside Meredith on the floor. "Are you giving her your pig to make her feel better?"

"Pi is," Katie said, holding the pig out to Meredith.

"The pig is what?" Meredith smiled as she took the animal from her daughter's hands.

"Pi nam is," Katie sighed, much in the way Derek did when he was frustrated with her.

"Mer," Derek said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I think she's saying that her pig is named Izzie."

Meredith blinked in surprise for a moment before she looked down at the small pink animal in her hands. "Did you name your pig after Aunt Izzie?" she asked softly.

"Pi Iz!" Katie giggled before she threw herself into Meredith's arms.

"Oh, Katie," Meredith whispered, blinking back tears as she held her daughter close. "You're so amazing."

"You're making your mommy very happy," Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss the top of Katie's head. "Do you know what tomorrow is, piglet?"

"Kat saba no," Katie giggled as she curled into her mother's chest.

"That's right, it's your birthday," Meredith smiled as she tightened her arms around Katie. "You're not a baby anymore, sweetheart, you're a toddler."

"To la?"

"Toddler," Meredith nodded.

"It means you're a little person, not a baby anymore," Derek sighed as he ran his hands through her dark curls. "She's getting so big."

"I know," Meredith whispered. "She's so amazing."

"I can't believe it's been a year," Derek sighed.

"Yeah, it was a year ago that I went into labor and you threw up all over the kitchen," Meredith giggled.

"I didn't throw up all over the kitchen," Derek rolled his eyes.

"You totally did," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And your mother will agree with me so you can't pretend that you didn't."

"It doesn't actually matter," Derek smiled as he pulled Katie into his arms. "Because later we got the most perfect little girl in the entire world."

"We did," Meredith smiled as she leaned in closer to him. "I love you, Der."

"I love you too," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Lo Mama," Katie giggled from Derek's arms.

"You love Mammy?" Derek asked. "What about me?"

"Kat lo Dada," Katie nodded as she looked up at him, her bright eyes shining.

"Daddy loves you too," Derek said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Daddy loves you so much."

XXXXX

"Pape!" Katie giggled the next afternoon as Meredith unwrapped a new baby doll for her.

"Yes, there's paper," Meredith giggled, watching as her daughter grabbed the wrapping paper and began rolling around the room in it. "But look what Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark got you. A new baby doll."

"Pape!" Katie cried as she looked down at her limbs that were tangled in the wrapping paper.

"Well, I guess everyone should have just gotten her wrapping paper," Derek laughed as he reached for the last present. "This is from Aunt Liz, sweetheart."

"Li?" Katie asked, looking up from her wrapping paper.

"Are you going to stop playing with your wrapping paper long enough to see what it is?" Derek asked as he pulled the wrapping paper off of a small basketball. "Look, princess, Aunt Liz heard how much you loved your ball and bought you a brand new one to play with the hoop Grandma got you."

"Pape!" Katie shouted as she ignored the basketball Derek was holding out and reached for the wrapping paper laying on the floor in front of him.

"It's a lost cause," Meredith sighed as she stood, moving towards the kitchen. "You want to help me bring the cake out?"

"Sure," Derek nodded, standing as well. "Lex, can you watch her?"

"Of course," Lexie smiled as Katie held a piece of wrapping paper out to her aunt.

"She's got so much energy," Meredith sighed as she walked into the kitchen and pulled a cake out of the fridge.

"I can't believe she doesn't even care about her presents," Derek laughed. "Only the wrapping paper."

"Well, you remember Christmas, don't you?" Meredith laughed as she stuck candles into the cake. "Mark brought his presents for her back to the store."

"Some uncle," Derek rolled his eyes. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Meredith smiled, looking up at him. "Really fine. Our little girl is a year old, Der."

"I know," Derek smiled, leaning in to press a kiss to the top of her head. "She's not a baby anymore."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed. "She's getting so big."

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before he said, "We can talk about it later if you want."

Meredith smiled as she looked up at him. "Definitely," she nodded. "But right now we have to go feed our daughter her birthday cake."

"Which should be interesting," Derek sighed as he picked Katie's high chair up to carry it into the living room. "She's never actually had cake before."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded as she set the cake on the table. "Right, she's never had cake before."

"Meredith…" Derek frowned as he set the high chair down in the middle of the room. "Did you give my baby cake?"

"We don't have time to talk about this right now," Meredith giggled as she reached for Katie, pulling her birthday dress over her head. "We have to feed our piglet her birthday cake."

"I can't believe you gave my baby cake," Derek frowned.

"Oh, Derek, it's not a big deal," Meredith giggled as she held Katie over the cake. "Get the camera."

Derek rolled his eyes as he reached for the camera that sat on top of the TV, snapping a picture as Meredith helped Katie blow out the candles on the cake. He cut a small piece as Meredith settled Katie into her high chair, then placed the cake on the tray in front of her. "Go ahead, princess," he said as he stepped back to wrap an arm around Meredith.

"Ca!" Katie giggled as she looked at her parents for a moment before she reached a hand down to smush it into the cake in front of her. "Cak," she cried as she ran her frosting covered hands over her face.

"Well, she's definitely her mother's daughter," Derek laughed, squeezing Meredith close.

"Not funny," she rolled her eyes as she pulled out of his arms to continue cutting the cake.

"So how much longer is this thing going to last?" Christina asked as she took the piece of cake Meredith offered her.

"Doesn't matter," Meredith shrugged, shoving a piece of cake into her mouth. "She'll go down for a nap in an hour or so, but that doesn't mean we're going to kick you guys out."

"Great, so I'm stuck here until the end of forever while there's a harvest surgery at the hospital," Christina sighed.

"It's not that bad, is it?" Meredith smiled. "I mean, there's cake and people."

"It's not bad," Christina sighed. "But there definitely should be alcohol."

"It's a one year old's birthday party," Meredith rolled her eyes. "No alcohol."

"So why isn't Alex here?" Christina asked as she tossed her plate on the table. "Too busy sexing the bimbo?"

"I don't know," Meredith said looking down at her hands. "Or well…I don't know for sure, but I may have a feeling."

"What did you do?" Christina asked.

"I may have said something about how he was invited but he better not bring his girlfriend because my daughter's named after his wife," Meredith sighed.

"Meredith," Christina frowned. "That's like…not right or something."

"I know that," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But don't tell Derek, he'll kill me. I just don't know how to support Alex with this and make sure that I'm not betraying Izzie."

Before Christina could answer, Meredith saw Alex enter the living room, a brightly wrapped package in his hands. "Alex," she said as she stepped past Christina to look at him. "I…you came."

"Of course I came," Alex said with a slight smile. "Sorry I'm late, but I got held up in surgery."

"No, it's fine," Meredith smiled as she reached for the present. "We've got cake and drinks and there's people…"

"Thanks," Alex said as he moved to the high chair. "Hey Katie. Sorry I'm late, but I brought you a present."

"Pra?" Katie asked as she looked up at him, her cheeks messy with frosting.

"A present," Alex smiled as he reached for the present in Meredith's hand. "From me and Aunt Izzie."

"Iz!" Katie nodded enthusiastically.

"Here you go," Alex said, pulling the paper off of a small stuffed pig. "This was Aunt Izzie's, and since you love pigs so much, I think she'd want you to have it too. I know you already have a stuffed pig, but this one is special."

"Pi fo Iz," Katie smiled as she reached up to spread some frosting across Alex's face. "Ta Al."

"She says thanks Alex," Meredith smiled softly as she leaned down to wipe her daughter's face.

Alex smiled as he placed the pig on the table beside the high chair. "No problem," he smiled. "It's what Izzie would have wanted."


	32. Chapter 32

Derek stared at his daughter as she sat in her high chair, a spoon gripped firmly in her fist as she dug into the bowl of apple sauce that sat before her on the tray. She had screamed bloody murder when he had tried to feed her, insisting on doing it herself which had only resulted in a mess far larger than he ever would have thought that his little girl would be capable of making.

There was apple sauce everywhere. Her face and clothes were covered, her hair was sticky, and he even had some in his own hair from when he had tried to wrestle the spoon out of her grip only to have her throw a spoonful at him. The high chair and the floor were covered as well, and he wasn't exactly sure how she'd managed to get apple sauce onto the refrigerator that sat all the way across the kitchen, and he hadn't looked at the ceiling, but he was pretty sure that there was probably applesauce up there as well. The kid had talent.

"Did you actually eat any of this?" Derek sighed as he moved to the sink to wet a washcloth to wipe her face off.

"Basa ca," Katie giggled as she threw more apple sauce towards Derek, covering his shirt in applesauce.

"You are turning into a little devil," Derek laughed as he grabbed the spoon from her hands. "Come here."

"No!" Katie frowned as she tried to pull away from his hands that were holding the wet wash cloth.

"You know you were a lot cuter before you could talk," Derek said as he tried to hold her still with one hand and wipe her face down with the other. "Now you're more of a handful than your mother."

"Pasa da," Katie said as she squirmed in his arms.

"Almost done," Derek sighed as he pulled her shirt over her head. "We're going to have to change your clothes."

"No."

"What, do you want to be a naked baby?" Derek laughed as he lifted her into his arms, resting her on his hip as he tossed her shirt into the laundry room and moved towards the stairs. "Well, I'm not sure Daddy's comfortable with a naked daughter, so we'll get you into some clothes."

Katie giggled loudly as he lifted her in the air to blow on her tummy, her dark curls mixing in with his own.

"Derek?" his mother's voice asked as the front door opened and he turned to see his mother at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey Mom," Derek smiled as he moved down the stairs, resting Katie on his hip again as he leaned in to kiss her cheek. "How was your book club meeting?"

"It was nice," Carolyn nodded as she reached for Katie.

"I'm glad you're meeting some people around here," Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, wincing at the feeling of apple sauce left in his hands.

"They're very nice people," Carolyn nodded. "But I'm very happy to see my granddaughter, even if she is a little under dressed."

"We had a messy snack time," Derek laughed. "She's learning to use a spoon, although I'm convinced she's using it as entertainment to laugh when she throws food at me."

"She's a baby, Derek," Carolyn laughed. "Starting her own independence."

"I know," Derek said, leaning in to kiss the top of Katie's head. "Do you think you can change her clothes? I've got a meeting with the chief at the hospital in an hour, and I still have to get all this applesauce off of me."

"Sure," Carolyn nodded. "Katie and I are going to have a wonderful afternoon together, aren't we, sweetheart?"

"Gma!" Katie giggled, resting her head on her grandmother's shoulder.

"Good girl," Derek smiled as he moved towards the stairs. "I'll be back down in a few minutes, Mom. Just get her into some clean clothes, and she should be ready for a nap soon."

"No na!" Katie frowned.

"She's all yours," Derek laughed as he moved into his bedroom, already pulling his short over his head.

He had been scheduled for a day off, but the chief had called almost as soon as Meredith had left the house, asking him to come in that afternoon for a meeting. Derek had been hesitant at first, as he had been eager to spend the day with his baby girl who really wasn't a baby anymore. But Richard had begged, and Derek had reluctantly agreed. After the morning he'd had, however, full of temper tantrums and apple sauce on the ceiling, he was suddenly realizing that spending the day alone with Katie might not be as easy as it had been only a few months before. He and Meredith both had very strong personalities, and he supposed he shouldn't have been surprised that his daughter was just as stubborn as both of them combined.

"There we are, my angel," he heard his mother say as he walked into the nursery. "All clean and dressed."

"Well, you look very beautiful, princess," Derek smiled as he leaned down to sit down beside Katie on the floor. "Do you have some toys for Daddy?"

"Dada pi," Katie shrugged as she reached for some blocks.

"Did you just call me a pig?" Derek frowned.

"Dada pi," Katie nodded as she pulled herself to her feet and walked towards the stuffed animals that sat on the windowsill.

"I can't believe you're calling me a pig," Derek sighed. "So much for you being my favorite daughter."

"She thinks it's funny," Carolyn smiled. "You used to call your father a cow all the time."

"Well, hopefully she doesn't actually think I'm a pig," Derek sighed as he stood. "I just gave her lunch, but I'm not sure how much of it she actually ate, so if she seems hungry you can give her some more apple sauce or some yogurt if she seems interested. She'll probably refuse a nap until she's halfway asleep, but if you read to her until she falls asleep she'll be fine."

"I know, dear, I have taken care of her a few times before," Carolyn smiled as she knelt down to put some of the blocks back into their plastic bucket.

"I know," Derek laughed. "But it's a father's right."

"I understand," Carolyn smiled, kissing his cheek. "Go to work, we'll be fine."

"Thanks Mom," Derek said. "Mer should be home around five, and I'm not really sure how long I'll be. But either way you should stay and have dinner with us."

"That would be lovely," Carolyn nodded. "Now go to work or you'll be late."

"Okay, okay, I can tell when I'm not wanted," Derek laughed. "Bye piglet."

"Bye dada," Katie smiled as she grinned up at him.

"Oh, I'm Daddy again?" Derek laughed. "I'm not a pig?"

"Dada pi," Katie smiled, grasping his sweater tightly in her fists as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

"Alright, well, I'll take it," Derek sighed. "Mommy will be home soon, but Grandma will stay with you until then."

"Bye Dada," Katie sighed as she let go of him.

"Bye sweetheart," Carolyn smiled Derek stood. "Have a good afternoon."

"You too," Derek said, squeezing her arm before he moved out of the nursery and down the stairs, his mind beginning to wonder exactly what Richard had to talk to him about.

XXXXX

"Derek?"

He turned at the sound of his wife's voice as he stepped off of the elevator. "Hey," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "How's your day going?"

"Good," Meredith said, a slight frown on her face. "What are you doing here? I thought you were spending the whole day with Katie."

"Richard called me in," Derek sighed. "Something about an urgent meeting."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Did you bring Katie to daycare?"

"She's with Mom," Derek replied. "She's fine. Although apparently I'm a pig."

Meredith giggled. "It's one of the only words she knows," she said. "Everyone's a pig."

"Yeah, well, I'm her dad," she shrugged. "I shouldn't be a pig."

"Well, you are," Meredith sighed. "And Katie isn't the only one who thinks so."

"Did you just call me a pig?" Derek frowned.

Meredith giggled as she looked down at her beeping pager. "I'll leave that to your imagination," she called over her shoulder as she ran towards the stairs.

"I can't believe you're calling me a pig," Derek called back. "And for the record, I had this exact same conversation with your one year old daughter about an hour ago!"

"She's a smart kid," Meredith called before she disappeared down the stairs.

"The things I put up with from the Shepherd women," Derek muttered as he turned and made his way towards the chief's office. "Richard?" he asked, knocking on the partially opened door and sticking his head in.

"Derek," Richard sighed as he looked up from his paperwork. "Come on in. And close the door behind you."

"What's the big emergency?" Derek asked as he settled into the chair across from Richard's desk.

"I wanted to let you know that I had a long talk with Adele last night," Richard sighed, running a hand over his hair.

"Oh," Derek frowned. "That's…good."

"Not really," Richard sighed. "She's moving back to New York next month."

"Without you?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"That's the thing," Richard said. "She said that she's moving whether I want to or not. Apparently she's already given up too much for me and she's going to go be near her sister and the rest of her family. I can go with her if I want to. Or I can stay here and remain as Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace."

"Oh," Derek said, his heart beginning to pound in his chest. He had a feeling he knew what this was about.

"And I have decided that I'm going to go with her," Richard continued. "Which means that in a month, the Chief of surgery position will be open."

"And?" Derek asked.

"And if you're interested, I am going to recommend your name to the board as my replacement," Richard said, eyeing Derek carefully as he waited for a response.

"Oh," Derek breathed, his head suddenly full. This had been his dream, for so long it had been his dream to become chief of surgery. When he'd caught Addison and Mark together and Richard had called him out to Seattle, he had thought it would be the perfect opportunity to focus on his career because he believed that his life was over. And when Meredith had started to pull away from him, when she had drowned herself and then refused to let him in, he had focused on winning chief because if he couldn't have Meredith Grey, then he didn't want anyone. But now…now that he had an incredible daughter and an amazing wife who was ready to start trying for another baby, he wasn't sure that he wanted a life of endless paperwork, little cutting, and long nights spent at the hospital instead of at home with his family.

"Well…" Richard prompted. "I know how much you have worked for this, Derek, and my asking really only is a formality. I have the papers drawn up, all I need is your signature…"

"I have to talk to Meredith," Derek interrupted.

"What?" Richard asked, looking up from the papers in his hand with a frown.

"I'm flattered, Richard, really," Derek said quickly. "But this is a decision that will effect Mer and Katie a lot, so I'm going to have to talk it over with her. We have to decide this together."

"Derek, this will change your career forever," Richard said. "You probably won't get a chance like this ever again."

"I know," Derek nodded as he stood. "But I'm not going to do this if Meredith's not okay with it. I'm not going to sacrifice my family for the sake of my career."

Richard looked at him closely as he stood to meet his eyes. "I guess that was my mistake," he finally said. "Take a few days, discuss it, and get back to me when you've made a decision."

"Thank you," Derek said. "I…this really means a lot to me. And I'll let you know as soon as I know."

"Talk to Meredith," Richard nodded.

Derek nodded to him as he stepped out of his office, closing the door quickly behind him as he leaned against the wall. Chief of surgery.

"Derek?"

His wife's soft voice interrupted his thoughts, and he opened his eyes as he saw her standing at the nurse's desk, a concerned look on her face.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "You look pale. What did Richard say?"

"I…" Derek sighed as he pushed himself off of the wall, moving to stand beside her. "Can we talk? Do you have a few minutes?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded, examining him closely. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I just…we need privacy. My office?"

"Of course," Meredith nodded. "Let me just sign off on this chart."

Derek stood beside her as she signed off on a chart, his entire brain humming as he waited impatiently for her to finish signing the charts.

"Okay," she said, reaching for his hand as she slid the charts across the desk. "Let's go."

Derek squeezed her hand tightly, not saying a word as they walked towards his office. He didn't want to say anything, he knew that as soon as he opened his mouth he would tell her what was going on, and the last thing he needed was to have a nurse overhear a conversation as important as this.

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Meredith frowned as soon as she closed the door behind them. "Is Richard being an as because of me? Because I thought that was over, but when I was pregnant he totally mommy tracked me and it's not fair that he's taking it out on you, so…"

"He offered me chief."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she dropped into the chair in front of his desk, staring up at him. "What?" she asked.

"He offered me chief," Derek sighed as he moved to sit beside her on the other chair. "He's retiring and the job is mine. If we want it."

"We?" Meredith frowned as she looked up to meet his eyes.

"We," Derek nodded, reaching for her hand. "This is a big decision, Mer. One that will effect you and Katie a lot, and I want the two of us to really think about this before we decide anything."

"It's your dream," Meredith whispered. "You can't give up your dream for us."

"It used to be my dream," Derek nodded. "But now I've got the most beautiful woman in the world as my wife, and we have a perfect little girl waiting for us at home. That's my new dream."

"Don't be corny," Meredith sighed as she leaned into the chair.

"Meredith, if you're not comfortable with this, I will not do it," Derek said firmly. "I love you so much. And Katie. And if we're serious about starting to try for another, then I'd understand it if you weren't comfortable with me doing this."

"I…I don't know," she whispered. "But Derek, if you want to do it, you should. Because if you give this up for me and Katie and whoever else comes along, then I'm terrified that you're going to wake up one day and completely resent us for making you give up your dream."

"I wouldn't," Derek shook his head. "And part of me really wants this."

"But the other part?"

"The other part is that I'll come home from work one day and Katie will be a grown woman, ready to move to college and I'll have no idea how that happened," Derek whispered. "Richard's marriage almost failed because he had this job. He doesn't have a life outside of the hospital, and I don't want to give up our family for the sake of having an important career. You mean too much to me for that."

"So we're both scared," Meredith whispered, moving from her chair to sit in his lap.

"Rightfully so," Derek sighed, burying his face in her shoulder. "I don't know, Mer. If we're really going to make a baby soon, I really don't know if taking this job is the best thing for our family."

"But you want it," Meredith said softly.

"Dr. Shepherd wants it," Derek said. "But Derek Shepherd…he wants to be a good dad and a good husband."

"I think," Meredith took a deep breath as she ran her fingers through his hair. "I think that this has to be your decision, Der."

"But you need to be apart of it too," Derek whispered. "I can't make this decision without you."

"You need to," Meredith said, leaning into his embrace. "Katie and I will love you no matter what. And we'll support you whether you're chief of surgery or head of neuro. To her you'll always be daddy."

"And to you?" he whispered, surprised to hear the sudden desperation in his voice.

"To me you'll always be Derek," she said, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "The love of my life and the father of my daughter. And any other children that come along."

"I just don't know if I can do this," he said softly.

"You can," Meredith said, stroking his cheek gently. "I love you, Derek. And you can do this."

"That's what you told me when I went into surgery with Izzie," Derek said softly.

"And you did amazing," Meredith nodded. "This is your choice, Der. And I'll love you forever, no matter what."

"No more running?" Derek asked, pressing his forehead against hers.

"No more running," she nodded, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "No matter what."

**So what do you think? Should Derek take it or not? Let me know :)**


	33. Chapter 33

"Men are idiots."

Meredith looked up from her medical journal as Lexie threw a tray down on the cafeteria table beside hers. "What did Mark do now?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips. Her sister and Mark fought all the time.

"Last night he sat me down and told me that he was ready for a baby," Lexie said. "He practically told me to get pregnant."

"So?" Meredith asked. "You're a happy person. You've probably wanted babies since you were five."

"I do want babies," Lexie nodded. "But I'm a resident. I have no time for myself, and besides that fact, it's the way that Mark just…told me that wee were having a baby. He never even asked me, he just…ordered me."

"Well, at least he's making decisions," Meredith sighed. "Derek's still trying to pretend that I should make all his important decisions."

"He still hasn't made a decision about chief?" Lexie asked. "Hasn't it been like a month?"

"It's been two weeks," Meredith sighed. "Two weeks of him going back and forth, trying to tell me that I have to help him make this decision."

"Well, have you told him what you think?" Lexie asked. "Because that's important. His decision will effect you too."

"I told him that it's his decision," Meredith said as she picked at her salad. "And that Katie and I will love him no matter what happens."

"Mer, I think you should tell him what you really think," Lexie said. "I mean, he should definitely do what he needs to be happy, but you're his wife. He needs to make sure that he knows what you want and takes it into consideration."

Meredith shoved her last bite of salad into her mouth as she stood, smiling down at her sister. "I'll tell Derek what I think when you tell Mark that you're not ready for a baby," she said before she turned to walk away.

She sighed as she tossed her tray into the garbage and moved towards the door, her fingers tugging at the bottom of her scrub top. She needed to talk to Derek, she knew that. He had been driving her crazy for the past two weeks, and for the past week Richard had been following her around asking her to convince Derek to take the job. And she had gone along with all of it, but she was pretty sure that the living in between was already causing tension in their small family. She and Derek were barely talking, and Katie had picked up on their tension, throwing more temper tantrums than Meredith had ever imagined, forcing both her and Derek into frustrated tears several times over the past two weeks. Even this morning when Meredith had tried to give her the choice between pink and green socks Katie had screamed no over and over again until Derek had come in and slid a pair of yellow socks onto her feet. She couldn't live like this anymore, and she had to talk to her husband.

"Meredith!"

She cringed as she heard Richard's voice call her name, and she slowly turned to face the current chief of surgery. "Chief," she faked a smile. "What's up? Do you need me on a case?"

"Have you talked to Derek today?" Richard asked as he reached her side, looking down at her closely.

"Of course I've talked to Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He's my husband. We sleep in the same bed."

"Oh, right," Richard nodded. "I meant about the job. Has he said anything to you about whether he's going to take it?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "Katie was in a mood and we practically had to wrestle her into her clothes, so we didn't exactly had time to talk about anything besides calming her down."

"Well, next time you see him, tell him to come see me," Richard sighed. "He's ignoring all of my pages, but I'm going to make sure that there's a corner in his office with enough room for a crib, some toys, so he can have Katie in there when he wants. I…he'll be glad for that."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Katie…she's his daughter so that's good. He likes having her in his office when he does paperwork."

"Good," Richard nodded. "Tell him to come see me."

"I will Chief," Meredith smiled slightly as she turned to walk down the hall again, moving towards Derek's office.

"Well, it sounds like my little princess is in a better mood right now," Derek's voice laughed as she stopped outside his office door."

"Gal we do ran," Katie sighed.

"I know Mommy and Daddy have been weird lately," Derek sighed. "It's my fault. But I'm trying to make a decision here, sweetheart. What do you think I should do?"

"Ra so ba Dada," Katie replied.

"Do you think I should take the job?"

"No."

"So you think I should stay where I am?"

"No."

"What do you want me to do?"

"No."

"Some help you are," Derek sighed. "But I know you don't really understand this, so it's okay."

"Sy pa co," Katie said. "Mama!"

Meredith inhaled sharply before she stepped through the open door and smiled slightly at Katie and Derek. "Hi," she said as she collapsed onto the couch beside them, pulling Katie out of Derek's lap.

"Hi," Derek said awkwardly as he looked closely at her. "I…how's your day going?"

"Good," Meredith sighed. "I had a parietal lobe construction with Nelson this morning."

"That's good," Derek said. "How'd it go?"

"Falwlessly," Meredith nodded. "Patient's going to be fine."

"That's my girl," Derek laughed.

Meredith sighed as she pressed a kiss to the top of Katie's head. "Can we talk?" she asked. "About…things? Because, I…we just need to talk."

"Oh," Derek nodded, obviously not having expected her sudden request. "Of course."

"I…I want you to be happy," Meredith said softly.

"I am happy," Derek replied. As long as I have you and Katie and anyone else who comes along, I'll be completely happy."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. She was silent for a moment as she played with Katie's fingers. She hated how awkward this was. She and Derek had worked so hard to be able to talk about anything and be honest with each other, but here they were, facing a huge decision about their future and completely unable to tell each other what they were thinking.

"I hate this," Derek said suddenly, as if reading her mind.

"Hate what?" Meredith asked, looking up from Katie to meet her husband's eyes, noticing immediately how much darker than usual they were.

"This," Derek sighed, tentatively reaching out to brush some hair out of her eyes. "We're off, Mer, and I hate that. We don't have off days."

"I hate it too," Meredith whispered, leaning into his touch. They had barely touched in the past two weeks, and she had missed it. "Derek, I love you. And I'll love you no matter what because you're the first person who really ever loved me. But I don't want you to take the job."

Derek blinked in surprise for a moment before he nodded slowly. "Okay," he said.

"And now you're mad," Meredith sighed. "Look, I really don't want you to turn the job down just because I want you to. I meant it when I told you that I'll support you no matter what, even if that means taking the job. I just…you asked me what I thought and I told you, even if it was two weeks after you asked, and…"

"Mer," Derek laughed softly, leaning in to cut her off with a soft kiss. "I love you. And I decided a week ago that I don't want the job."

"You…what?" Meredith asked. She definitely hadn't been expecting him to say that.

"I haven't said anything to the Chief," Derek said. "But I hate paperwork. There's too much of it as the chief, and I wouldn't get to cut enough. Not to mention that I would have to deal with the board all the time, and I couldn't be as attentive a father and husband as I want to be."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, relief washing over her body. "So you're going to stay head of neuro."

"I am," Derek nodded, his face melting into his classic McDreamy look.

"And…I'm only going to ask one more time," Meredith said. "But you're sure it's not because of me and Katie? Because we could work it out, Der, if you really wanted to."

"It's not," Derek shook his head. "You were both a prominent factor, but the disadvantages far out weighed the advantages."

"Okay," Meredith said, a wide smile coming across her face.

"Are we okay?" Derek asked gently. "I know we've been awkward lately, and I hate it. But I need to know that we're okay. I can't lose you, Mer."

"We're good," Meredith nodded, leaning into his arms. "And you'll never lose me."

"I know," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "But I still get scared sometimes."

"Me too," Meredith sighed. "I can't believe we barely talked to each other for two weeks because we were afraid of telling each other the same thing."

"Never again," Derek promised, squeezing her close.

"Never again," Meredith nodded in agreement.

"I should go tell Richard," Derek sighed. "He's not going to be happy."

"You should suggest Owen," Meredith said. "He and Christina are engaged or whatever, but I doubt they'll ever have kids. And she'd love to be married to the Chief. He'd be good at it too."

"I will voice that opinion," Derek nodded. "How about we have a special family night tonight?"

"Sounds perfect," Meredith nodded. "Dinner and playtime with the piglet?"

"Kat pi let," Katie giggled from Meredith's lap.

"That's right, you're our little piglet," Derek said. "Do you want me to take her home with me?"

"No, I have a few minutes before my next surgery," Meredith sighed. "We'll stay here and cuddle, and then she can go back to day care. It's good for her to interact with other kids her age."

"It is," Derek laughed, leaning down to kiss the top of Katie's head. "I love you, princess."

"Kat lo Dada," she nodded as she patted his cheek.

"I love you too," Derek said, looking up to meet Meredith's gaze.

"I love you too," she said, running a hand through his hair. "Have dinner waiting?"

"Of course," Derek smiled. "Bye, Mer."

Meredith smiled after him as he walked out of his office before she turned Katie around in her lap to look into her eyes. "Well, that wasn't so bad, was it, piglet?" she asked.

"No ba," Katie nodded in agreement.

"And now that Mommy and Daddy are getting back to normal are you going to stop your temper tantrums?"

"No."

"Stubborn like your daddy," Meredith sighed as she stood and lifted Katie onto her hip. "Time for daycare."

"Da ca," Katie giggled excitedly as she pulled on her mother's ponytail.

Meredith smiled down at her daughter as she walked towards the elevators, uneasiness settling in her stomach.

She had a feeling.

XXXXX

Two hours later, Meredith stepped out of the scrub room, rubbing at her neck. It had been a long surgery. Successful but long, and now she wanted nothing more than to go home and spend some time with her family before putting Katie to bed and relaxing in a bath with Derek. Right now that sounded completely amazing and perfect. All she had to do was get changed and pick Katie up from day care and then she could go home to where Derek would be waiting for them with dinner.

She opened her locker and immediately reached for her phone, dialing Derek's number and holding it up to her ear. She really needed to hear his voice right now, for a reason that she couldn't quite explain.

"Hi, you've reached Dr. Derek Shepherd. I can't take your call right now, but if you leave your…"

Meredith sighed as she snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the bottom of her locker. He was probably already cooking.

She shrugged out of her lab coat, rolling her eyes as her pager beeped loudly. She snatched it out of her locker, her entire body sinking when she saw it.

911 to the pit.

This wasn't going to be good.

She grabbed her lab coat and made her way towards the door as she prayed that she would run into someone who could take over for her in the pit. She just needed Derek right now.

"What do we have?" Meredith sighed as she slid into a trauma gown, Mark standing in front of the doors reading a piece of paper carefully.

"Male, early forties, involved in a head on collision downtown," Mark sighed. "In and out of consciousness, skull fractures, broken leg, possibly some broken ribs…" his voice trailed off and Meredith frowned as she watched his face pale considerably.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Mer, maybe you should just go upstairs," Mark said. "See if there's a surgery you can scrub in on."

"I was paged to the pit," Meredith frowned as she tried to reach for the paper, her frustration increasing when Mark held it out of her grasp.

"I know, but…mistake," Mark nodded. "It was a mistake."

"Mark, what's going on?" Meredith frowned. "What aren't you telling me?"

Before Mark could respond, a team of nurses rushed by, not noticing them as they talked loudly.

"I can't believe that Dr. Shepherd was in an accident."

"I know, he just left here after turning down Chief, and now he's a patient."

"Dr. Shepherd…" Meredith breathed before she turned to Mark, her eyes wide. "No…"

"Meredith, you can't go back there," Mark said, reaching to steady her. "He's going to be fine."

"No," Meredith gasped, trying to push past Mark. "Mark, I have to see him. I can't…I need to see him."

"Family can't be in there, you know that," Mark said gently. "They won't let me in either."

"I don't care!" Meredith sobbed, fighting to get out of his arms. "Let go of me! I need to see him! He needs me!"

"Owen's got him," Mark said, pulling her into a tight embrace. "You have to calm down."

"No!" Meredith screamed, fighting him. "I can't leave him!"

"Meredith, calm down," Mark repeated. "Where's Katie? Was she in the car with him?"

"Katie," Meredith whimpered. "I…day care."

"Lex will get her," Mark nodded. "He's going to be fine, Meredith."

"I need to see him," Meredith said, her fingers moving to clutch the lapels on Mark's lab coat tightly. "He's….he's all I have. I need to see him, I can't let him die."

"He's not going to die," Mark assured her, but she could hear the doubt in his voice.

Meredith felt hot tears building in her eyes as she buried her head in Mark's shoulder. The nightmare of three years before came rushing back to her all of a sudden, remembering how terrified she had been to watch Derek lay on the table in the exam room, dying before her eyes. "No," she said, pulling out of Mark's arms all of a sudden as she moved towards the doors to the OR. "He needs me."

"Meredith!" Mark shouted as he started after her. "You can't go in there!"

"Dr. Shepherd, you really shouldn't…"

"Get the hell out of my way, Olivia," Meredith snapped, pushing past the timid nurse who tried to calm her.

"Mer," Christina looked up as soon as Meredith entered the exam room. "You shouldn't be here."

"I…" Meredith trailed off as she looked down at her husband, laying still on the table as a heart monitor beeped in the background. He was…Derek. His face was bruised, but his head was matted with blood and she watched as Callie moved to place his right arm in a splint. "Derek…"

"Get her out of here," Owen ordered without looking up from Derek's head.

"No," she shook her head, moving to grab his left hand. "I'm here. Derek, I'm here. I'm here, and I love you. And I'm not running. So please, just wake up. Wake up and tell me that you love me too. Please, Derek."

"Meredith," Christina said, moving from the splint on Derek's leg to grab her hand. "Come on."

"No," Meredith said firmly as she looked down at Derek, squeezing his hand tightly. "I'm not leaving him." She stared down at her husband, his handsome face covered in blood as she clutched his hand tightly, ignoring everyone's insisting on her leaving as she silently begged him to open his eyes to look at her. He couldn't leave her. He just couldn't.

**Okay, so I know a lot of you were looking forward to Derek taking the job, but most of you really didn't want him to take it, and honestly, neither did I. I have some interesting things planned, so I hope you'll all stay tuned and keep reading! The whole Chief thing may come up again in the future....**


	34. Chapter 34

One week.

It had been exactly one week since Meredith Shepherd had watched her friends frantically work to save her husband and wake him up after he'd been hit by a drunk driver. One week since she had watched them wheel him into a room in the CCU, since he had been in a coma that he had yet to wake up from. A week since she had lost any semblance of her life.

She hadn't left his bedside once, knowing that she would never forgive himself if she wasn't there when he finally woke up. And he would wake up. He had promised to grow old with her, to take care of her when she was old and senile and couldn't remember who he was. So he had to wake up.

She'd placed Katie in the trust care of her mother in law, and she herself hadn't even seen her daughter since Derek's accident. She knew she should be trying to take care of Katie, but she couldn't bear to leave her husband's bedside and they didn't allow babies into the CCU.

"Hey Der," she sighed as she leaned over to press a kiss to his scratchy cheek. "I know you can hear me. I know you're still there, and when you wake up I'm going to kill you for scaring me like this. Because it's been a week. A week, and you're still not awake, and…I miss you. I'm sitting here, looking right at you and holding your hand, and all I can think about is how much I miss you. Your mom was here this morning, and she said that Katie has been asking for you non stop, so…if you can't wake up for me, please wake up for her. She needs you, Der, and she misses you so much. So please, just wake up so you can be Daddy to her and I can have my husband back. We're ready to start making another baby, Derek. So I need you."

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she moved to lay on his left side, resting her head on his shoulder as she trailed her fingers over his chest. "I love you, Derek. I love you so much, and you promised. You promised me that we'd grow old and senile together and that you wouldn't leave me until you're one hundred and ten. So you can't leave me. You can't leave me and Katie alone without you."

"You're still here," Dr. Bailey sighed as she walked into the room, a chart in her hands as she moved to the other side of the bed.

"I'm not leaving," Meredith insisted as she slid off of the bed, linking her fingers through Derek's again as she wiped the tears off her face with her free hand. "He needs me to be here."

"I seem to remember that there's a little girl who needs you too," Bailey commented as she looked at Derek's vitals.

"Is there any change?" Meredith asked, ignoring Bailey's reference to her daughter and looking down at Derek carefully.

"You're a doctor, Shepherd, you know how to read these vitals," Bailey sighed as she reached out to press on Derek's ribs.

"But you won't let me see the scans or look in his chart," Meredith said as she reached out to stroke Derek's cheek. "How are his stutures? Is he responding to pain? He's allergic to amoxicillin, you didn't give it to him?"

"We both know that Yang snuck his scans in for you, and that you've been looking at his chart while no one else is in the room," Bailey sighed. "And I'm going to bring Dr. Hunt in. It's been a week and there's no change, but he is responding to pain stimuli, and his CT shows no trauma to the brain."

"So he's not…" Meredith breathed. "He'll wake up? He'll wake up and be him and be fine?"

"He's not brain dead," Bailey sighed. "But he's still not waking up, and we have no time frame for how long it's going to be until he does."

"So…it could soon?" Meredith whispered.

"It could be in five minutes, it could be in five years," Bailey sighed. "You know how these injuries work."

"I know," she sighed as she squeezed Derek's hand. "Der, just squeeze my hand. You don't have to wake up or say anything, but…just squeeze my hand. Please, Derek, just squeeze my hand."

Bailey sighed as she looked down at Meredith. "Don't get your hopes up, Shepherd," she said. "If I were you I'd go home, take a shower, make sure that your daughter knows that at least one of her parents are still alive."

"Both of her parents are still alive," Meredith snapped. "Derek's going to wake up, and Katie's going to have her daddy back."

"Fine," Bailey sighed. "But you're damn stupid if you ask me. That girl needs a mother."

Meredith shook her head as Bailey walked out of the room. "Come on, Der," she whispered. "Just one little hand squeeze."

"Knock knock," a voice said from the doorway, and she turned to see Mark standing there.

"Mark," she breathed. "Are you…how are you?"

"Hanging in there," Mark sighed. "Bailey round yet? We figured she's long gone by now."

"Just left," Meredith sighed. "Why?"

"Lex and I brought you a visitor," Mark smiled as he stepped into the room. "Though Bailey will kick my ass if she finds out about this, so we have to make this visit quick. Don't want to be on her bad side."

Meredith turned to look at him as she continued to squeeze Derek's hand, her face melting into a soft smile as she saw Katie clinging to his leg. "Hi sweetheart," she whispered.

"Mama?" Katie frowned as she looked at her.

"Yes, I'm here," Meredith said, wiping tears from her eyes and planting a kiss to Derek's hand before she placed it back on the bed. "Come here. I've missed you this past week, Katie."

"Mama," Katie said more forcefully before she leg go of Mark's leg and ran unsteadily towards Meredith's chair.

"Come here, princess," Meredith said, lifting her daughter onto her lap. "I'm sorry I haven't been a very good mommy lately."

"Mommy," Katie sighed, nuzzling into her neck. "Dada?" Her voice sounded almost desperate, and Meredith blinked back tears.

Tears filled Meredith's eyes again as she followed Katie's gaze to the bed where Derek lay unconscious. "Yeah, that's Daddy," she said softly, looking down at her daughter who looked so much like her husband, her dark curls surrounding her face that was lit up by her bright blue eyes. "He's really sick right now, and he needs a kiss. If you're really careful can you give Daddy a kiss?"

"Ki Dada," Katie nodded.

Meredith took a deep breath before she stood, holding Katie over the bed for her to press a kiss to Derek's cheek. "Good girl," she said as she pulled Katie back into her arms before she could interfere with any of the machinery. "I'm sure that Daddy's glad you're here. I know that I am."

"Ma sla de she," Katie babbled as Meredith pulled her into her lap, resting her chin on the top of her daughter's head.

"It's okay, Katie," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes as she watched her daughter, who looked so much like Derek, babbling happily to herself. "Daddy's going to be just fine, you'll see. He's going to wake up soon, I promise. He's going to be Daddy again."

"No dada," Katie frowned as she looked towards Derek. "Dada no ha. Kate wa Dada no."

"It is Daddy," Meredith whispered. "He's just really sick right now, but he's going to be fine."

"Daddy?" Katie frowned.

"You have got to be kidding me," Bailey's voice came from the doorway. "I could have you kicked out of here for this, Grey."

"No," Meredith shook her head, tightening her arms around her daughter. "Derek needs her here. He needs both of us here."

"Babies aren't allowed in the CCU, Grey," Bailey snapped. "And don't tell me she's not a baby, she's a baby."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But…she's our baby."

"And that doesn't make her any different from any other baby," Bailey replied. "Go home. Go home and take her with you. Come back in the morning. Without the kid."

"I'm not going home," Meredith insisted. "Katie can go home with Mark and Lexie."

"Mama," Katie whimpered, tightening her arms around Meredith's neck.

"Mama has to stay with Daddy right now," Meredith whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "But maybe if you look cute enough Dr. Bailey will let you stay."

"Daddy," Katie whispered, turning to look at the bed. "No Daddy."

Bailey rolled her eyes as she reached out to place the chart on the end of Derek's bed. "You're going to be the death of me, Grey," she said. "The second she gets in the way you're both out of here."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, tears moving into her eyes again before she turned back to look at Derek.

"Meredith," Lexie whispered, moving to sit beside her as Bailey left the room. "Are you…is there something else bothering you?"

Meredith stared at her for a moment before she shook her head. "I'm fine," she snapped. "My husband is in a coma, and I don't know if he'll ever wake up. So forgive me if I'm a little distracted right now."

"Okay," Lexie said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "It just seems like you're worried about more than Derek."

"I'm fine," Meredith sighed, slumping into the seat. "Or not fine. But…he just has to wake up soon. He has to."

"I know," Lexie said, reaching out to pull Katie into her lap. "I'm sure he knows that you're here."

"Derek would do anything he can not to leave you," Mark said, reaching down to squeeze Meredith's shoulder. "But you've got to keep yourself strong. Make sure that you keep eating and take care of yourself."

"I'm not hungry," Meredith whispered.

Mark sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Look, Big Grey, if you don't start eating, I'm going to call your mother in law and ask her to force you to eat," he warned. "And trust me, that woman is damn terrifying when she wants to be."

"You know neither one of us are actually named Grey anymore," Meredith pointed out with a slight smile.

"Doesn't matter," Mark shrugged. "You'll always be big Grey and little Grey."

"Fine," Meredith sighed. "Can you get me a salad from the cafeteria?"

"What do I look like, an intern?" Mark frowned. "Get your own damn salad."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I'm not leaving."

"Meredith, it will take five minutes," Lexie sighed. "We'll stay here the entire time and page you the second anything changes."

"I…" Meredith stared down at Derek for a moment, reaching out to run her fingers over the stubble on his cheeks. "Okay."

"Okay?" Mark repeated.

"I'll be right back," Meredith sighed, leaning forward to press her lips against Derek's ear. "I love you, Der. I'll be right back, I promise."

"Mama," Katie cried as Meredith stood and moved towards the door.

"Oh, piglet," Meredith sighed, wiping tears from her eyes as she leaned down to pick her up from Lexie's lap. "How about you come with Mama to get a snack? Then we'll come back here and maybe Daddy will be awake."

"Mama," Katie whispered as she wrapped her tiny arms around her mother's neck, burying her face in Meredith's messy hair. "No le Kat, Mama."

"Oh, I won't leave you again," Meredith promised as she pressed a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "I promise, sweetheart."

XXXXX

"Meredith…"

She was awakened later that night as she lay in the chair beside Derek's bed, immediately turning to look at him as she jolted back into consciousness.

"Derek?" she frowned, looking at the bed and seeing that he was still unconscious, completely the same as he had been when she'd drifted to sleep earlier.

"Nothing's changed," Carolyn's voice said carefully. "But you've been sleeping here for over a week now, and I'm going to insist that you go home."

"No," Meredith said firmly. "I know you're stubborn and bossy, but according to Derek I'm a lot like you, which means that I'm stubborn and bossy too, so I'm not leaving."

"Aren't you at all concerned about your daughter?"

"She's with Mark and Lexie," Meredith sighed as she leaned forward to press a kiss to Derek's cheek. "She's fine, she loves them."

"And she misses her parents."

"I can't," Meredith whispered. "Derek needs me."

"Derek's asleep."

"He's in a coma. There's a difference."

"And I think he would want to be sure that his daughter was taken care of," Carolyn argued.

"I can't," Meredith whispered. "Mom, I just…I can't be a good mother to her right now. With Derek in here, I can't just go home and play with Katie and pretend that everything's normal. I can't."

"I'm not saying that you should abandon Derek, but go home with Katie, let her spend some time in her own bed and remember what it's like to be home."

"I can't go home without him," Meredith whispered.

"Fine, at least go to Mark and Lexie's and make sure that she remembers what it's like to have a mommy," Carolyn argued. "I'm not asking you for this, Meredith."

Meredith's eyes filled with tears as she looked down at her husband, who if she didn't know any better looked like he was asleep. "Okay," she said softly. "Derek, I love you so much. But I'm going to go sleep at Mark and Lexie's. And then I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning, and maybe I'll bring Katie with me, if she's in a good mood. But I love you so much, so please, just wake up. Wake up so that I can know that you're okay."

He remained completely unconscious, the machines beeping loudly as she stared down at him for a long moment.

"Meredith," Carolyn's voice said softly after a long moment, shaking her out of her trance. "You should go."

"Go," Meredith whispered, looking down at Derek for a moment. "Right. I…I love you, Derek. And I'm not running. I promise. I'll be back first thing in the morning."

She pressed another kiss to his cheek before she stood shakily and moved towards the door. "Good night, Mom," she whispered softly.

"Good night, dear," Carolyn said, pulling her into an embrace. "I'll call you the moment anything changes."

"Okay," Meredith said, biting her lower lip as she stared at Derek for another long moment before she turned to walk out the door, pulling it closed behind her before she leaned against the wall, closing her eyes for a long moment as she tried to gather the strength to move down the hall towards the elevators.

"Meredith?"

A voice pulled her from her trance, and she blinked in surprise as she saw Alex standing in front of her. "Alex," she breathed. "Hi."

"How's Shepherd doing?" Alex asked, reaching out to squeeze her arm, and Meredith couldn't help but notice just how much he had changed from the arrogant man she'd met four years earlier. Losing Izzie had made him into a different man, a better man.

"No change," she sighed. "Carolyn kicked me out."

"Good, you look like hell," Alex sighed. "You going home?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I'm going to Mark and Lexie's. They have Katie."

"Let me drive you," Alex said, taking her arm and guiding her down the hall.

"You don't have to," Meredith said automatically, even though the prospect of driving was completely unappealing right now.

"At this point I'm pretty sure that you driving would be worse than driving drunk," Alex said with a slight laugh.

"What do I do if he dies?" Meredith suddenly whispered, causing Alex to stop walking in the middle of the hallway. "Or if he never wakes up? I can't…Alex, how did you handle this? The uncertainty, not knowing if you were going to be alone forever?"

"It sucked," Alex sighed, and she could see the pain in his eyes at the memory of the pain he'd went through with Izzie. "But…I wouldn't give up the time I had with her for anything."

"We have a baby," Meredith whispered. "We were going to start trying for another baby, and we have a daughter who's not really a baby anymore, but…I can't do it. I can't raise her by myself. I can't be alone. I need him."

"You can do it," Alex said. "I know you don't want to, and I hope to God that you don't have to, but you could if you had to."

"No," Meredith shook her head, clinging to his shirt as she leaned into him. "I need him, Alex. He's the only one who's ever cared about me."

Alex wrapped an arm around her as he pulled her into a tight hug. "First of all, that's not true," he said. "And second of all, there's a hell of a lot of people who are willing to help raise that adorable little girl if something happens to Derek."

"It's not the same," Meredith whispered. "I…I'm not strong like you, Alex. I couldn't do it without him. I couldn't go on after him."

Alex sighed as he tightened his arms around her. "I know it seems impossible right now," he said. "But I've seen Shepherd's chart. He's got an excellent chance of making a full recovery."

"If he wakes up," Meredith heard herself whispering.

"He'll wake up," Alex said. "Just don't assume the worst. Look where that got me."

"Positive," Meredith whispered. "Think positive." She couldn't help thinking that maybe she would see her husband's sparkling blue eyes when she came back to the hospital the next morning.


	35. Chapter 35

His head hurt.

That was the first thing Derek thought as he was pulled out of a fuzzy sleep. He could feel a hand squeezing his, and he tried to summon the strength to open his eyes, but he couldn't do that yet.

"…and she colored this for you," his wife's soft voice met his ears. "Apparently it's Katie and Daddy and a pig. It looks like a bunch of scribbles to me, but apparently it's normal. She's getting so big, Der. She has so many words, and I'm already starting to potty train her. She's a smart girl, so hopefully she'll pick it up quickly. But now we've got to go, because Lexie's taking us shopping, but we'll be back in the morning. I love you, Derek, and I'll see you in the morning."

Leaving. She was leaving. Derek wasn't sure what half of what she was saying meant, and he couldn't figure out quite why he couldn't open his eyes and open his mouth to tell her not to leave him. He wasn't sure why his head felt like it was going to split in two, but all he knew was that he wanted her to stay.

With all the strength he had in him, he squeezed her hand tightly, or as tightly as he could, hoping that he could convince her to stay.

"Derek?" her voice changed, and he felt the weight of the bed shift as she sat down beside him. "Der, can you hear me?"

He tried to say her name, but he was pretty sure it came out as a long moan instead of her name.

"Derek," he heard her say. "Derek, open your eyes. You can do it, Der, I know you can. Just open your eyes and look at me."

He took a deep breath before he struggled to open his eyes, his eyes meeting the sparkling green eyes of his wife. "Mer?"

"You're awake," Meredith breathed, leaning in to kiss him deeply. "Derek, you're awake."

"I…what happened?" Derek frowned, his voice hoarse as his eyes fluttered shut again, unable to keep them open any longer.

"Here, have some water," Meredith said as she leaned forward to grab a cup and straw from the night table. "Open your mouth."

He did so, gently sucking the water down through the straw and feeling the dryness of his mouth disappear as the cool liquid slid down his throat, making him feel a million times better.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked, and he felt a hand move through his hair. "I just paged the doctor. Does anything hurt?"

"What happened?" he asked again.

"What do you remember?" she asked softly.

"Chief…didn't take it," Derek said, wracking his brain for his last state of consciousness. "I was going home to make dinner…sex, there was going to be lots of sex. Sex and dinner."

Meredith giggled slightly, and she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. "There was," she said. "Do you remember anything else?"

"Car crash," Derek breathed. "I…there was a car crash. I was on my way to the ferry boat dock."

"There was," Meredith whispered.

"Am I…what happened to me?"

"You had some skull fractures, a broken arm and some broken ribs," Meredith whispered. "And you've been in a coma."

"Coma," Derek frowned. He opened his eyes to look at her again, really taking her in again. As he opened his mouth to ask how long he'd been asleep for, his eyes traveled down her body and he felt his heart stop, a million questions running through his brain. "Mer," he breathed. "You're…"

"Pregnant," Meredith giggled slightly as she reached for his hand and pulled it onto her belly.

Tears filled Derek's eyes as he ran a hand over the gentle swelling of her stomach. "How long…I don't…I'm not sure what to ask first," he breathed. "You're really pregnant. How is that possible?"

"It's July, Derek," Meredith said softly. "You've been asleep for nearly five months, since February."

"Five months," Derek whispered, tears filling his eyes. "Katie. Where's Katie? I need to see her."

"Lexie has her," Meredith said. "We had a little bit of a potty emergency, and she took care of it."

"Potty," Derek breathed, realizing just how much he had missed over the past five months.

"I'm working on her," Meredith said. "It's early, but I figured she could handle it. She's got a long way to go."

Derek nodded as he ran a hand over her stomach again. "And Baby?" he asked.

Meredith smiled as she reached for the wall beside his bed, and he turned his head to see an array of pictures of their family, scribbled drawings, and what Meredith was reaching for, a series of sonogram pictures.

"Baby's extremely healthy," Meredith smiled. "About twenty weeks old."

"And Mommy?" he asked, looking up into her eyes.

"Mommy's very healthy," Meredith said. "But she just got a hell of a lot happier."

"Hmm," Derek said as he reached for the pictures in her hands. "Let me see."

Meredith smiled as she handed him the pictures. "This is your son," she said softly. "I got this picture taken yesterday."

"Son," Derek breathed as he looked at the picture of his baby. "Mer, I'm so sorry."

"No," she shook her head as she leaned in to stroke his hair gently. "Don't be sorry, Der. The jackass who drove drunk and did this to you should be sorry. But you definitely shouldn't."

"I've missed so much," Derek whispered.

"Derek, you can't…" Meredith's voice trailed off when she heard the door open and she turned to see the doctor walk into the room. "Hi, Dr. Green."

"Dr. Shepherd," the woman said with a wide smile as her eyes moved towards Derek. "I see we have an exciting day."

"Very exciting," Meredith giggled, wiping tears from her eyes as she moved off of Derek's bed.

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. Shepherd," Dr. Green said as she stepped forward to shake Derek's hand. "I've been caring for you since your wife transferred you here from Seattle Grace."

"Transfer?" Derek frowned, looking at Meredith with wide eyes.

"You're in a rehab facility," she assured him, squeezing his hand. "It's okay."

"We'll do a complete exam a little later," Dr. Green said as she moved to check his vitals. "But I want to make sure everything's working okay. You remember everything about your life before the accident?"

"Yes," Derek nodded. "Married to the love of my life, and I have a perfect daughter."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Don't be corny."

"I'm not being corny, it's the truth," Derek said, more color returning to his face as he offered her a wide smile.

"Whatever," Meredith sighed, turning to the doctor. "Don't worry about the idiot thing. He was like that before I even met him."

"Hey," Derek frowned as Dr. Green laughed slightly.

"Alright, Derek, lift your arms for me," she instructed. "Good. Lift your hips off the bed…and bend your knees…and move your toes."

"Hurts," Derek frowned as he followed all of her instructions.

"It will be sore for awhile," Dr. Green nodded. "We've been exercising your joints, but they aren't used to following messages from your brain. I'm going to send in a physical therapist and an occupational therapist, as well as a psychiatrist."

"A shrink?" Derek frowned. "I don't need a shrink."

"Derek," Meredith frowned. That wasn't her husband.

"I know you think you're fine, but you've missed a significant portion of your life, of events in the lives of your friends and family," Dr. Green said softly. "It's going to be extremely traumatic, and you're going to need to talk to someone about it. It's required in this situation."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "When can I go home?"

"We'll see how the physical and occupational therapy goes, and then I'll be able to give you a more solid time frame," Dr. Green said. "But for now, I believe that there's a little girl on her way to see her daddy."

Derek's heart pounded as he sat up in bed. He needed to see his daughter, to hold her in his arms and promise her that he was going to be the best daddy in the world from now on.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Dr. Green smiled as she moved towards the door. "I was very glad to meet you, Derek."

"You too," Derek smiled as he turned to look at Meredith. "I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," she said as she moved to sit down on the bed again. "God, Der, I've missed you."

"I can't believe I've missed so much," he frowned as he ran a hand over her stomach. "I'm having a son."

"You are," Meredith smiled. "We are."

"I want to see him," Derek said. "Really see him."

"As soon as Dr. Green clears you we'll make an appointment," Meredith smiled, moving his hand to the side of her belly. "Can you feel him?"

"No," Derek frowned. "Is he moving?"

"Like crazy," Meredith giggled. "A lot more than Katie did."

"Hey, Mer, I think Katie's…Derek?" Lexie asked in surprise as she opened the door to his room.

"Hi Lex," he said, sitting up eagerly. "Is Katie?"

"Mommy, look!" his little girl cried as she ran into the room, a piece of paper clutched in his hands. She was completely not a baby anymore, but a little girl, with long blonde hair that curled around her face, sparkling blue eyes, and a wide smile. It was July, which meant that she was…seventeen months old. Almost a year and a half old, and she was a little girl.

"Katie," he breathed as he looked down at her.

"I color pig, Mommy," Katie said as she held it up for Meredith to see. "For Daddy."

"Wow, that's a wonderful pig," Meredith exclaimed leaning down to pick Katie up and place her on her hip.

"Hi baby budda," Katie said as she patted the top of Meredith's stomach.

"Hey princess, how about you give your picture to your daddy yourself?" Meredith whispered in Katie's ear.

"Daddy?" Katie asked, turning to look at him, her eyes widening as she saw him. She stared at him for a moment before she buried her face in Meredith's shoulder. "Mama," she whispered, and Derek felt himself tense.. His own daughter didn't even know him.

"It's okay, piglet," Meredith smiled as she pressed a kiss to the top of Katie's curly hair and moved forward to sit on the edge of his bed, setting Katie on the bed between her and Derek. "You know it's your daddy. And he's getting better now, so you can give him your picture. Go ahead."

Katie bit her lower lip in a way that was one hundred per cent Meredith as she looked at him closely, before turning to look at Meredith as if for permission.

"Go ahead," Meredith said, resting a hand on Katie's back to support her.

"Daddy, I co la pig," Katie whispered as she held the pink scribble out to him.

"Thank you, princess," Derek said, tears filling his eyes as he looked down at her. "Can I have a hug?"

"Be careful, Katie," Meredith said, eyeing the wires attached to his body.

"She's fine," Derek said, looking down at his daughter.

Katie stared at him for a moment before she tentatively leaned forward and rested her head on Derek's shoulder, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Daddy," she whimpered.

"Oh, princess," Derek said, closing his eyes as he wrapped his sore arms around his daughter and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry that I missed so much out of your life. But I'm going to be here from now on. I promise. You're such a big girl now, sweetheart, and so beautiful."

"Derek, you don't have to be sorry," Meredith assured him as she reached out to rub a hand along his arm.

"I just hate that I missed so much," he said as his eyes met hers. "She didn't even know me."

"She knew you," Meredith said. "She's kissed you every day. She was just thrown off, she didn't remember you being awake."

"I hate that," Derek frowned. "And I…I want to hear about everything. About her and you and the baby."

Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over her stomach. "I'm actually surprised that you didn't wake up with the amount of screaming I did when I found out," she said.

"How?" Derek asked.

"Believe it or not, I didn't even notice until I was twelve weeks," Meredith sighed. "I skipped my period, but I thought it was the stress of…everything. And I blamed the sickness on the flu. It wasn't until my pants didn't fit that I had to face the music."

"Face the…you're happy, right?" Derek asked. "You're happy about the baby?"

"I am now," Meredith said, squeezing his hand. "At first I was terrified. Because Katie has been all over the place, and you were in a coma and I didn't know if you were ever going to wake up."

"But you kept him," Derek said, a hand moving to stroke Katie's hair as she slept quietly against his chest.

"I did," Meredith said, looking down at her lap. "I…Derek, you should know that I thought about it. Not keeping him. Because I had a baby and a comatose husband, and I didn't know if I could be pregnant at the same time. But I couldn't. I couldn't just kill a life that we had created."

"I understand," Derek nodded. "But I'm glad you kept him."

"Me too," Meredith said. "Especially now."

"How are you?" Derek asked carefully.

"I'm good now," she said, squeezing his hand.

"I'm glad," Derek nodded. "But…how were you before I woke up?"

Meredith shrugged as she looked down at Katie. "I was…I had a routine," she shrugged. "And that was how I made it through the day."

"A routine?" Derek asked.

"Every morning Katie and I would cuddle in bed," Meredith said, her fingers joining his to stroke their daughter's hair. "And then we would come here to visit you. I would go to work, and put her in day care, and then we would come back here to eat dinner with you. We would stay until she would get fussy for bed, and then head home."

Derek blinked in surprise as he looked at her before he asked, "What did you do for fun?"

Meredith shook her head. "Derek, I was a pregnant single parent with a comatose husband and a medical career," she said. "I didn't have time for fun."

"Oh," Derek said. "I...my mom? Is she still here?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "She's here. And she took care of Katie sometimes, but she sat with you while I was at work. We didn't want you to wake up alone. And I didn't want to hand Katie off to our family. She deserved at least one parent."

"I'm glad she's here," Derek nodded.

"And Mark's been amazing," Meredith said. "He all but moved into our house, and he was amazing with taking care of Katie when I was in my first trimester and too tired to get out of bed."

"Good," Derek said, but he couldn't help but feel the pain at having his best friend take care of his daughter and pregnant wife, all but replacing him in their lives. "I'm glad he was there for you."

Meredith smiled slightly as she leaned forward to take Katie out of his arms. "I'll send her home with Lex," she said. "I'm going to stay here tonight."

"She can stay," Derek said, his arms tightening around Katie.

"She really can't, Der," Meredith giggled. "You should have seen the threats that Mark made when they told him that she wouldn't be allowed in here."

"But she's my baby," Derek sighed.

"Don't let her hear you say that," Meredith smiled as she pulled her daughter into her arms. "She's a big girl."

"She really is," Derek frowned, watching Katie as she rested her head on Meredith's shoulder. "She's talking so much."

"You'll catch up," Meredith said, leaning down to kiss him. "I'm just going to drop her off with Lex and give your mom a call, and I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay," Derek said. "Hurry."

"I'll hurry," Meredith said, and then a slow smile spread across her face. "Stay here. Don't move. Wait for me."

Derek smiled as he recognized his own words from so long ago, when she had built his extraordinary house of candles. "I'll wait," he promised.

"Good," Meredith smiled, kissing him one last time before pulling back. "I'm so happy you're awake," she said.

"Never leaving again," Derek promised as he watched her walk towards the door. He leaned into the pillows, closing his eyes as he took in everything that had just happened to him. He couldn't believe that had happened, but he was going to make it up to Meredith. To Meredith, Katie, and their son.


	36. Chapter 36

He was awake.

Derek was awake, and that was all Meredith could think as she moved down the hall of the rehab clinic, her hands shaking. Derek was awake, and he was alive, and he knew her. He knew her and their daughter, and he was excited for their baby. She couldn't imagine the number of times she had pictured this happening as she had sat by his bedside, telling him about Katie and their baby boy that was safe inside of her, begging him to wake up. Now all she could think about was the fact that he was awake and they could move on with their life together.

"Hey," his voice greeted her as she stepped back into the room. "I was wondering where you were."

"Your mom had lots of questions," Meredith said, a hand rubbing her back as she lowered herself into the chair beside his bed. "I convinced her to wait until morning to come, which probably means that she'll be here at the crack of dawn, but you've had enough excitement for one day."

"Probably," Derek nodded. "What are you doing all the way over there? Get into bed with me."

"Derek, in case you haven't noticed, I'm huge," Meredith sighed. "We won't both fit in that bed."

"Well you can't sleep in a chair," Derek argued.

"It's fine," Meredith shrugged. "I've been doing it for months. Except when I was forced to go home."

"And now I'm saying no," Derek said, scooting over in bed. "Come here. And don't say no."

"Derek, I don't…"

"Mer, are you really going to make me get out of bed and force you into it?" Derek asked. "You used to like sleeping in the same bed as me. That better not have changed in the past five months."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she stood. "You're really using the pity thing to your advantage, aren't you?" she asked as she slid onto the bed beside him. "It won't last forever."

"Making up for lost time," Derek said, reaching out to stroke her hair. "I missed our wedding."

"There was no wedding," Meredith sighed. "And there wouldn't have been even if you were awake because I'm huge. Which according to Nancy is normal since I'm carrying a boy."

"Nancy," Derek breathed. "My sisters…do they know? Have you called them about this?"

"Of course they know," Meredith nodded. "They all came out here for a week or so back in March, but they couldn't stay forever. I'll call them in the morning, they'll probably come out."

"Okay," Derek sighed, leaning into her arms and taking a deep breath. "God, I'm sorry, Mer."

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing?" Meredith asked. "This is not your fault."

"But I missed so much," Derek said, tears filling his eyes. "I should have been there when you found out you were pregnant. I should have been there to hold your hair back and been at the sonogram when you found out it was a boy. I should have been there to help decide it was time to potty train Katie, to see her transform from a baby to a little girl."

"Well I'm pretty sure I missed that one too," Meredith sighed. "And don't worry, Der, you may have missed those things, but you'll be here when he's born. Katie will never even remember that you weren't here, and you'll be here for the last trimester, when I'm really going to need you."

"I will," Derek nodded. "I don't think I'll ever leave your side again. You're stuck with me."

"That's a little extreme," Meredith giggled slightly. "But for the next few days…I think that's okay."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand over her stomach. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "I remember you had bad heartburn with Katie at this point. Has the sickness been as bad as it was?"

"It's not as bad as it was with her," Meredith sighed. "But I'm still having some pretty bad morning sickness."

"Did they give you something?" Derek asked.

"No, it's not that bad," she sighed. "I'm fine, Derek, really. Normal for women who carry boys."

"Good," he said, running a hand over the soft curve of her stomach. "What else have I missed?"

"Christina and Owen got married," Meredith said. "Went off to Vegas for a weekend and came back married."

"That sounds like Christina," Derek said.

"And Mark and Lexie are trying for a baby," Meredith continued. "Apparently they've been trying for awhile, but nothing's happening. Lex is starting to get worried."

"I guess it's the Shepherd genes that are very fertile," Derek smiled.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I've gotten you pregnant on accident twice," Derek said. "If Lex is having trouble getting pregnant it must mean that the Greys aren't overly fertile."

"You really are an idiot," Meredith sighed. "But you're my idiot. And I missed you."

"I want to say I missed you too," Derek sighed. "But I feel like I just woke up from a really good night's sleep."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, fighting her eyes to stay open. She had waited way too long for Derek to hold her again, and she didn't want to fall asleep.

"It's okay, Mer," he whispered, and he felt his lips against the top of her head. "I love you. You can sleep."

"No," Meredith shook her head, tightening her arms around him. "I can't."

"Why not?" Derek asked softly.

"Because if I fall asleep, I'm afraid that I'll wake up and it will all be a dream," Meredith whispered. "I'm afraid I'll wake up alone in our bed. Which is way too big for one person, by the way."

Derek smiled softly as he tightened his arms around her. "I'll be back in our bed soon," he promised. "And it's not a dream."

"It could be," Meredith nodded. "And you can't sleep either."

"Why not?" Derek asked, laughter evident in his tone.

"Because you might not wake up for five months."

"Oh, Mer," all laughter faded from his voice as he moved to hold her closer, her stomach pressing into his side. "I'll wake up. I promise."

"I can't," Meredith whispered, tears falling down her cheeks and onto his t-shirt. "Derek, I can't do this again."

"You won't have to," he assured her. "I'm here, Mer. Forever."

"Promise?" she whispered.

"Promise," Derek nodded. "So you can sleep."

"Don't want to," she replied, snuggling closer to him, as close as her stomach would allow.

"Okay," Derek said softly. "Have you made any plans?"

"Plans?" Meredith frowned.

"For baby."

"Oh," she nodded. "Mark is helping me set up a new room for Katie. I figured we could move her and let baby have the nursery."

"Good plan," Derek nodded. "Is she still in the crib?"

"No, I bought her a big girl bed," Meredith smiled. "She still sleeps in the crib at night, but for naptime she uses the bed. I'm trying to change her over slowly."

"That sounds good," Derek nodded slowly. "What else?"

"Well, I'm glad that we picked gender neutral colors for the nursery," Meredith sighed. "Although we need all new clothes. And probably a lot of new toys too. And a second car seat, maybe a second high chair because Katie is still a little monster when she eats."

"We can do all of that," Derek nodded. "Have you thought about names?"

"Not really," she sighed. "But…if you didn't wake up I was going to name him Derek."

"You want to name him after me?" Derek asked.

"I did," Meredith said. "Because if you weren't here, there would still be a Derek Shepherd in my life."

"Oh," he nodded slowly.

"But you're here," Meredith said, a slow smile spreading across her face. "And I don't think I can handle two Dereks."

"That's mean," he frowned.

"But true," she giggled slightly.

"Hmm," he nodded. "At least this will give us something to do while I'm still stuck here."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Naming our son."

"Oh," she said. "We can do that."

"But now," Derek sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Sleep."

"Sleep," Meredith agreed. "I love you."

"I love you too," he nodded.

"Please wake up," she heard herself whisper as she drifted off to sleep.

"I will," he said, a hand moving to his stomach. "I'll always wake up."

XXXXX

"…and I promise that I won't miss anymore of your life," Derek's soft voice greeted her as she drifted into consciousness the next morning. "I'll be right there when you're born, and I'll be one of the first people to hold you. And then when you're old enough we'll leave Mommy and Katie home so we can go have men's weekends in the woods."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she opened her eyes, smiling as she saw Derek resting his head against her stomach. "You're awake."

"So are you," Derek smiled.

"But…it wasn't a dream," Meredith breathed as he slowly moved back up to kiss her lips.

"Definitely not," Derek said. "I was just bonding with my boy."

"And does your boy have any ideas for names?" Meredith asked.

"Not yet," Derek said. "But guess what."

"What?" Meredith asked, unable to stop the smile that spread across her face as she looked at him. He was alive, he was alive and talking, his blue eyes sparkling as she lay in his arms for the first time in months.

"I felt him."

"You did?" Meredith asked, a hand automatically going to her stomach.

"I did," Derek laughed. "It seems that he's very excited to hear about fishing."

"Well, he's definitely your son," Meredith sighed. "You didn't feel Katie until she was almost thirty weeks."

"My boy's strong," Derek said with a laugh.

"He is," Meredith sighed. "But he better not keep kicking this hard for the next four months."

"He won't," Derek nodded. "I told him not to."

"Right," Meredith rolled her eyes as she threaded her fingers through his hair. "God, I missed you."

"I'm here," he nodded. "And I'm going to work like hell to make sure that I can get out of here as soon as possible to be home with you and Katie."

"Good," Meredith said. "I took an extended maternity leave. I don't have to work for the next six months, so I'll be there to help you. With stairs or whatever at home."

"I…" Derek frowned. "Do I still have a job?"

"Nelson's been filling in," Meredith said. "But I called Owen last night and he said that he'll work something out once you feel ready to come back. You'll definitely still be a doctor, but head of neuro…he's not sure yet."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "As long as I can still cut."

"You can," she nodded, then frowned. "As long as the doctors say it's okay."

"They will," he said confidently.

Before Meredith could respond, the door flung open, and Katie ran in. "Daddy!" she cried. "Katie bring Grandma!"

"You brought Grandma to come visit me?" Derek laughed as Meredith slid out of the bed, pulling her shirt over her belly before she leaned down to pick their daughter up.

"No Mama!" Katie shouted, struggling in Meredith's arms as she reached for Derek. "Daddy!"

"Careful, Katie," Meredith frowned as Katie kicked at her stomach. "Stay with me for now, Daddy's not strong enough to hold you yet."

"Daddy," Katie said, a frown crossing her face as she reached for Derek again.

"She's fine, Mer," Derek said, reaching for her. "I'll just keep her on my lap."

"Fine," Meredith sighed as she placed Katie on the bed beside him. "What's up with this?" she asked her daughter. "Daddy wakes up and now you don't love me anymore?"

"Daddy," Katie giggled as she reached up to kiss his cheek.

"Hi princess," Derek smiled. "I know I have a lot to make up for, but I'm glad you're here."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," a firm voice came from the doorway, and Meredith followed his gaze to the door where Carolyn Shepherd was standing. "If I hadn't just spent five months terrified of losing you for good, I would strangle you for putting us through this."

"Good to see you too, Mom," Derek laughed, lifting an arm from around Katie to hug his mother back as she leaned over his bed.

"How are you?" Carolyn frowned. "You don't have any permanent damage? Your memory is intact?"

"My memory's fine," Derek nodded. "And I've got an appointment with a physical therapist today. She'll be able to tell me more about whether there's any damage, but I don't think there is. Just soreness, which is typical after these kinds of injuries."

"Don't self diagnose," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"And to think that I was hoping that this would make my wife be nicer to me," Derek sighed.

"Daddy!" Katie giggled from his lap. "I gots pig."

"You got a pig?" Derek asked.

"Mar gave it to me," Katie nodded.

"Mark bought you a pig?" Derek said, and Meredith didn't miss the flash of pain in his eyes. He was never really going to get over missing his daughter transforming from a baby to a toddler.

"Gama, Daddy needs pig," Katie said, looking at Carolyn expectantly.

Carolyn smiled as she reached into the diaper bag and pulled out a stuffed pig. "Katie's stuffed pig was in your car," she explained. "And she had a temper tantrum like you wouldn't believe when she realized that it was gone, so Mark went out at eleven thirty at night to buy her a new one and calm her down."

"Pig fo Daddy," Katie said, holding the stuffed animal out to her daddy.

"Thank you, princess," Derek said, taking the pig. "But I think you should keep him."

"Pig fo Daddy," Katie repeated more forcefully. "Pig make Daddy better."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Thanks, Katie," he said. "But how about you keep it safe for me while I'm here?"

"Katie's pig," Katie said as she took the offered stuffed animal from Derek's hands.

"Okay, Katie bug," Meredith said, leaning down to pick her off of the bed. "Don't fuss, but Daddy needs to see the doctor today, so we're going to let him do that without any distractions."

"I stay," Katie nodded, wrapping her arms around Derek's neck. "No lea Daddy."

"Yes, leave," Meredith said.

"No."

"Katherine Isobel Shepherd, what have we talked about with this attitude?" Meredith asked.

"I stay," Katie whispered, tears filling her eyes.

"I want to stay too, sweetheart, but we have to let Daddy get better," Meredith said firmly.

Katie sighed as she turned to look at Derek. "Stay?" she asked.

"You heard your mother, princess," Derek sighed. "I want you to stay too, but she's the boss."

Katie sighed dejectedly. "I no stay?"

"We'll buy Daddy a present while he's in therapy," Meredith promised, leaning down to pick up her much calmer daughter. "We'll be back later, Der. We love you." She pressed a kiss to his lips, reveling in the fact that he was awake and able to kiss her back, something she had craved for the past five months.


	37. Chapter 37

"Wow, Derek, I must say that I'm very impressed," Dr. Prescott, his physical therapist said with a wide smile a week later. "It's rare that coma patients make a full recovery this quickly."

"Well, I've got a lot to work towards," Derek said with a smile as he reached for a water bottle.

"I'm aware," Dr. Prescott smiled, looking down into his chart. "We're sure going to miss your daughter running around here."

"Miss her?" Derek asked, hope rising in his chest. "As in…she won't be visiting here anymore?"

"You can go home, Derek," Dr. Prescott laughed. "Today if you want. Just call your wife and have her pick you up."

"Today," Derek repeated. He'd been working hard since he'd awoken from his coma, needing to get home to begin making things up to his family and help Meredith prepare for the birth of their son.

"I'll just need you to sign these discharge papers, and then you're free to go," she said with a smile.

"And I'm okay to do everything?" Derek asked, scrawling his name across the discharge papers. "Stairs, drive, fish?"

"Well, you might want to take it easy," Dr. Prescott said with a laugh. "Your body's still working to get back to normal. But yes, normal everyday activity is okay. Just give it a month or two before you go hiking in the woods and putting your body through any extreme exercise. And make sure if you have any problems at all to call us. And to schedule a follow up appointment."

"I have a pregnant wife," Derek laughed as he stood. "There will be no fishing trips for a long time."

"Of course," Dr. Prescott said, reaching out to shake his hand. "It's been wonderful working with you. And congratulations on your new baby. I'm very happy that you'll be there for that."

"Thanks," Derek said, smiling widely before he walked out of the physical therapy room and moving towards his own room. He had to call Meredith, and pack his things, and… home. He was going home.

"Hey Der," Meredith's voice greeted him as he held the phone to her ear. "How was physical therapy."

"Amazing," Derek nodded. "Are you busy? Can you come? I have exciting news for you two."

"Are you going to be awake?" Meredith asked. "You're usually tired after physical therapy, and not that I don't want to see you, but Katie's napping and your mom's grocery shopping, and I don't want to wake her if you're just going to sleep. We're coming by when she wakes up…"

"I'm coming home," Derek interrupted her.

The line was silent for a moment and he frowned as he looked down at the phone. "Mer?" he asked. "Are you still there?"

"I'm here," she said, and he could hear the shakiness in her voice. "I'll be there in an hour."

"An hour?" Derek frowned.

"Waking your daughter up is like waking a bear from its slumber," Meredith giggled. "Except sometimes I think a bear would be more pleasant. Especially when she kicks my stomach. Baby doesn't like that."

"She gets that from you," Derek laughed.

"Shut up."

"Take your time," Derek said. "I can wait."

"No, we'll be there as soon as we can," Meredith sighed. "And she likes you better than me anyways. When I tell her we're taking you home she hopefully won't be as crabby as usual."

"Good," Derek laughed. "Drive safe. I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith said. "We'll be there soon, as soon as our princess stops screaming."

Derek smiled as he hung up the phone, taking in a deep breath as he looked around his room. Meredith had decorated it with as much character as had been allowed, and he had woken to find his walls covered in pictures of the two of them, of Katie, and his family. There were also scribbled pictures from Katie and ultrasound pictures of their son. He'd left them up, wanting to feel as at home as possible in the strange room. And it had worked. It had only taken a week for his soreness to go away and he had regained most of his mobility. He still tired more easily than he had before the accident, but the doctors had assured him that it would go away.

"Hello?" there was a knock on the door, and Derek looked up with a smile to see Owen Hunt standing in the doorway.

"Owen," he said. "Come on in."

"How are you feeling?" Owen asked as he stepped forward and shook Derek's hand tightly.

"Wonderful," Derek said. "Mer's on her way here to take me home. I'm finally getting back to my real life."

"That's great," Owen said as he settled into a chair on the side of Derek's bed. "Congratulations, by the way. On waking up and the baby. It's a really exciting time for you."

"Thanks," Derek said as he reached over to take the sonogram picture off of the wall. "It's amazing."

"I'm sure," Owen nodded. "And I heard through the grapevine that you were curious about your place at the hospital."

Derek sighed. "Yeah," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not…I'm still recovering. I feel a hell of a lot better, but I'm not sure I'm strong enough to work through a surgery for several hours."

"I was going to offer you a deal," Owen nodded. "Meredith's taking the next six months off on maternity leave."

"She's had a hard few months," Derek sighed. "I hate that I did that to her. But I'm going to make it up to her."

"It wasn't your fault," Owen shook his head. "But she deserves it. She's been through hell."

"She does," Derek nodded. "I'm going to spoil her rotten, and make sure she takes care of herself. And my boy."

"Well, here's my proposition," Owen said. "When you feel ready in the next month or so, you can come back, do some consults, maybe a quick craniotomy with another neuro attending, get your feet wet again. If that's successful, you can take an extended paternity leave and then come back for good when the baby's born."

Derek nodded slowly. "That sounds good," he said. "And I…just an attending? I can't be head of neuro again?"

"I had to fill your position, Derek," Owen said gently. "I know it's not fair, but I can't demote Nelson because you're awake."

"I know," Derek nodded. "It's okay."

"And you'll still get your annual salary," Owen laughed. "By the way, your wife's ready to beat you out of the system. She's been kicking ass in the OR."

"That's my girl," Derek smiled proudly.

"Daddy!" Katie cried as she ran into the room unsteadily on her short legs. "Hi!"

"Hi Katie," Derek said as he scooped her into his arms. "How are you?"

"Good!" Katie smiled, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek. "Hi, Wen."

"Hi there, Katie," Owen smiled, reaching out to tussle her hair. "You're looking more like your dad every day."

"I pretty!" Katie nodded.

"Beautiful," Derek smiled, shifting her to his hip. "Where's your mother?"

"What did I tell you about running ahead, Katherine Isobel?" Meredith sighed as she appeared in the doorway. "Mommy can't run anymore."

"I see Daddy," Katie frowned.

"We've talked about this," Meredith said. "Next time you run ahead of me you're getting put in the stroller."

"No toller," Katie said firmly.

"Then behave," Meredith sighed as she moved to sit on the bed beside Derek. "Hi."

"Hey," he said, kissing her quickly. "You okay?"

"Fine," she nodded. "Just…pregnant stuff. Hi Owen."

"Meredith," he nodded. "I'll let you have your family time. But give me a call, Derek, and we can set up a meeting to discuss things further."

"Thanks," Derek smiled. "I'll call you later this week."

"Daddy ho?" Katie asked, looking up at him.

"Daddy's coming home," Derek nodded before he returned his gaze to Meredith. "You got here fast."

"Yeah," Meredith said, looking down at her stomach. "Look, Der…"

"What's wrong?" he asked, shifting Katie to his other side so he could pull Meredith closer.

"I love our house," Meredith whispered.

"Well, good," Derek said. "Because that's where we're going."

"You were asleep," Meredith continued. "And I didn't…the house is so far away. And the ferry boats don't run in the middle of the night, so if something happened…"

"Mer," Derek frowned, pulling back from her. "You didn't…did you sell the house?"

"No!" Meredith shook her head, taking his hand. "Definitely not. But we've been staying in a hotel. In town, close to here, just in case something happened."

"Oh," Derek said, looking at her closely. "Okay, so we'll go to the hotel and get your stuff and then we'll go home."

"You're not mad?" Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes.

Derek looked at her closely for a moment, wondering exactly what was going on before it hit him. Hormones. With Katie she'd been completely snappy, biting his head off whenever he moved, but maybe their son was making her weepy. He mentally kicked himself again, hating that he didn't know how this pregnancy was affecting her. "Mer," he breathed, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close. "Of course not."

"Good," Meredith whispered, cuddling into his side. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to be so far away."

"I get it," Derek nodded. "So let's go."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, a hand moving over her stomach.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right?" Derek asked as he placed Katie on the bed and moved to pull the pictures down from the wall.

"Fine," Meredith sighed, leaning back into the pillows and smiling when Katie crawled into her arms. "Just tired."

"We're almost to the third trimester?" Derek asked.

"Hmmm," Meredith said, running her fingers through Katie's hair.

"I want to know everything, Mer," Derek said as he zipped his duffel bag and slung it over his shoulder. "When she goes to bed, we'll soak in a bath and you can tell me everything about the pregnancy."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, taking a deep breath before she pulled Katie onto her hip, a grimace moving over her features.

"Let me take her," Derek said, reaching for Katie.

"No," Katie said, burying her face in Meredith's shoulder. "Mama."

"She's fine, Derek," Meredith sighed. "Just getting heavy."

"You shouldn't be carrying her."

"It's okay," Meredith said firmly. "I've been doing it every day. And I don't want her to feel like I don't love her anymore because she's pregnant."

"Okay," Derek said, wrapping an arm around the two of them. "Ready?"

"I feel like I should be asking you that," Meredith giggled as they moved down the hall.

"I've been ready for the past week," Derek said, stopping as they stepped out the door. "Fresh air."

"Well, I've been ready for the past five months," Meredith giggled as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Are you allowed to drive?"

"Yeah," Derek nodded.

"Well, go for it," Meredith sighed, handing him the keys. "I barely fit behind the wheel anymore."

"You weren't this big with Katie," Derek said as he looked down at her stomach.

"Big?" Meredith stopped, her eyes filling with tears.

"Pregnant," Derek quickly corrected. "I meant pregnant."

"But you said big," she whispered, holding Katie close to her.

"Mer, please don't," Derek said, reaching out to her. "This is a big day, I don't want you to be mad at me. I'm sorry."

She stared at him for a moment before she took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay," she said, moving to open the back door of their car.

"Let me take her," Derek offered, pulling Katie out of her arms. "And we can stop and get some chocolate chocolate cake on the way home."

Meredith smiled softly as she handed their daughter to him. "You sure know how to make up for being an idiot," she said.

"Daddy trouble," Katie said as he pulled the straps of her car seat over her shoulders.

"Daddy got himself out of trouble," Derek nodded, snapping her into place. "Let's hope I haven't lost that touch."

Katie giggled as he pressed a kiss to her forehead before closing the door and moving around to the driver's side. "Let's go home," he said, smiling at Meredith before turning the engine on.

XXXXX

"How are you feeling?" Meredith yawned later that night as Derek entered their bedroom.

"Fine," Derek nodded, pulling her book out of her hands and looking at her closely. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," she said, pulling him down to lay beside her. "Happy to be home. With you."

"Me too," Derek said, rubbing a hand over her stomach. "Katie went down quickly."

"She was tired," Meredith nodded. "She didn't get a full nap today."

"So now we have time to talk," Derek nodded. "About Chris."

"Nice try," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm not naming my son after you. First or middle name."

"Fine," Derek sighed dramatically. "I know you said it's been a healthy pregnancy, but you look…exhausted."

"I think it's all catching up to me," Meredith whispered. "When you were…away, it was easy for me to do everything, to make sure that Katie got enough love and to take care of myself because the baby needed me. But I think I was just keeping myself busy as a distraction."

"From me?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," she sighed. "There was this constant worry, this constant ache of missing you. And I saw you every day, but, you weren't there, not really. But I wasn't strong enough to worry about you all day every day, so I threw myself into being a mom, a doctor… anything besides a wife who was terrified of losing her husband for good."

"God, I hate that you went through that," he sighed, burying his face in her shoulder. "I hate that I wasn't here for that."

Meredith took a deep breath as she leaned back to meet his eyes, cupping his face in her hands. "You're here now," she whispered. "And that's all that matters."

"I am here," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"And I think…I think the exhaustion is catching up with me now because I don't have to worry anymore," Meredith said. "I can just be…me. Not a pretend version of me who's not terrified every moment of the day."

"I'm not leaving," Derek said with a firm nod. "Ever."

"Please don't," Meredith whispered. "Because if there's one thing I've learned in the past few months it's that life sucks without you. And I'm not sure I could do it again."

"Well, it's a good thing you'll never have to," Derek said. "And four the next four months you're going to get spoiled rotten."

"Only the next four months?" Meredith giggled with raised eyebrows. "So you're only going to treat me well until I pop out your son, and then you're going to forget me completely?"

"Of course not," Derek laughed. "But you're getting extra spoiled. Because you've been through a lot in the past few months. And you're giving me a son. So that definitely deserves spoiling."

"And what does this spoiling include?" Meredith asked, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Hmmm…long hot bubble baths," Derek said softly. "Breakfast in bed with the princess. Spa days with Lex."

"Anything else?" Meredith purred, pushing him onto his back and straddling him as he ran his hands down her back.

"Well…there could be some fun things thrown in there too," he murmured. "If you feel up to it."

"Sex is fun," Meredith whispered, her hips moving over his rapidly growing erection.

"Very fun," Derek nodded, reaching up to kiss her. "And this is me starting to make this whole thing up to you. I love you, Mer. Forever. I promise."


	38. Chapter 38

"Matthew."

Derek shook his head as he reached out to place a plate of pasta on Katie's high chair tray. "I still like Chris."

"Give it up, Der," Meredith giggled, rubbing a hand over her stomach as she leaned back in her chair, her feet propped up on the chair beside her. "I'm not naming my son Christopher.

"Katie likes it," Derek argued. "Right, princess?"

"Chis ta," Katie nodded as she shoved a handful of pasta into her mouth, smearing it over her face.

"See?" Derek asked, looking pointedly at his wife.

"She's not agreeing with you," Meredith rolled her eyes. "She's just repeating what you say."

"Fine, then you come up with a better name," Derek sighed as he looked at his daughter. "Please don't be as stubborn as your mommy."

"I heard that," Meredith sighed. "Joshua."

"Adam."

"Kenny."

"Gabriel."

"David."

"Gregory."

"Wow, we suck at this," Meredith sighed.

"It didn't take us this long to name Katie," Derek said, turning from his daughter to look at her.

"Well, things were different when I was pregnant with her," Meredith sighed. "Plus we had more time. Now we only have three months left, so it feels shorter. For you anyways."

"We'll do it," Derek nodded, running a hand over her swollen stomach. "Three months is a lot of time."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, her hand joining his on her stomach as their son kicked against their hands.

"For now he'll just stay bud," Derek nodded.

"Bud's busy today," Meredith sighed.

"You want to do anything this afternoon?" Derek asked as he turned to lift Katie out of her high chair.

"Sleep," Meredith sighed, pulling herself to her feet as she reached for a wash cloth to run over Katie's messy face.

"Well that works well," Derek nodded. "Because a certain little miss needs a n-a-p, heaven help us."

Meredith sighed as she reached for Katie. "You want to lie down with Mommy?" she asked.

"Mama," Katie sighed, leaning into Meredith's arms as Meredith shifted her away from her stomach.

"Good girl," Meredith said, moving towards the stairs.

"Are you okay with her on the stairs?" Derek asked as he trailed after them, stopping as she stared at the mountain of stairs.

"Fine, Der," Meredith nodded, starting up the stairs. "Not much longer though. She's getting big, aren't you, piglet?"

"Okay," Derek nodded as they moved into their bedroom, Katie resting her head on Meredith's shoulder.

"Here we go, sweetheart," Meredith sighed as she sank onto the bed, her entire aching body feeling relief as she leaned into the pillows. She was surprised as her busy daughter, who usually threw temper tantrums at the idea of a nap, cuddled immediately into her, her dark curls resting against the swell of her belly as Meredith's fingers moved through her hair.

"Budda?" Katie asked, hitting the top of her stomach gently, looking at it curiously when the baby kicked her hand.

"Careful," Derek laughed as he fell down beside them. "And yes, that's your baby brother."

"Maybe we should ask her for help with his name," Meredith sighed closing her eyes as she ran a hand over Katie's head.

"What do you think, princess?" Derek asked, his head resting beside hers against her stomach.

"Ex!" Katie giggled, rolling over to look at Derek's face, a wide smile covering her features.

"Aunt Lexie's a girl," Derek said. "Your brother's a boy. So we can't name him Lexie, silly."

"Lexie's Lessy," Meredith sighed, enjoying the feeling of her family resting their heads against her stomach. "Alex is Ex."

"I'm not naming my son after both Alex and George," Derek said firmly. "Sorry princess."

Katie frowned, but before she could argue, Meredith felt the baby kick hard, and Katie jumped, tears filling her eyes as she rubbed her cheek. "Ow!" she cried, looking at Meredith with a pout on her face.

"Don't cry, Katie," Derek said, sitting up and pulling her into his arms. "That was just your brother saying hi."

Katie frowned as she stared at Meredith's stomach, a confused expression on her little face.

"Make her feel it with her hand," Meredith said softly. "He hasn't been moving strong enough for her to feel yet."

"Here we go," Derek said, guiding his daughter's tiny hand to stroke her stomach. "Feel that? That's your baby brother."

"Budda?" Katie whispered.

"That's your baby brother," Derek nodded. "That's Sandy. Or Sanford. Sandy for short."

"Total girl's name," Meredith whispered, rolling her closed eyes. Her husband was an idiot.

"It's gender neutral," Derek argued.

"Have you seen Grease?" Meredith asked. "There's an entire song called Sandy. About a girl."

"Fine," Derek sighed. "Not Sandy."

"Thank you."

"Daddy, budda come now?" Katie asked.

"Not now, princess," Derek said, his own hand joining hers in stroking her stomach. "In about three months. He has to grow in Mommy's tummy for a little longer."

"I no wait," Katie sighed.

Derek laughed, the warm sound filling Meredith's body with happiness. There had been a time not too long ago at all when she had thought that she would never hear that sound again.

"I don't want to wait either," he said. "Daddy's waited a long time for a son, but we want him to be healthy, right?"

Katie sighed. "Play with budda?"

"You'll have to wait a little while to play with him," Derek said. "He'll be really small when he first comes, and he won't do much besides sleep. But a few months after he's born…"

Meredith tuned his voice out as she opened her eyes, smiling softly as she looked at the two of them. Derek was holding Katie in his lap as they both stroked her stomach, her daughter looking so much like Derek did in surgery as she stared at her stomach. Katie looked so much like him, from her sparkling blue eyes to her dark curly hair, and she felt unexpected tears prick at her eyes. She had been so close to losing this, so incredibly close to never spending a day in bed relaxing with her family again, and now she couldn't believe that he was here.

"Mer?" Derek's voice pulled her out of her trance, and she shook her head as she quickly wiped her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," she nodded. "Just…hormones."

"Oh," Derek said, leaning down to press a kiss to her stomach. "How are you feeling otherwise?"

"Fine," Meredith sighed, her eyes dropping closed again. "Tired. But…happy."

"Well, I'm very glad that you're happy," Derek said. "Do want to try eating again?"

"Definitely not," Meredith shook her head. "He's sitting on my stomach."

"He can't help it," Derek said. "And John needs his strength."

"Henry's too busy for me to eat," Meredith sighed. "You might want to talk to him about that."

Derek smiled as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Do you think that you could drink a milkshake?" he asked. "Katie and I can go down and make it for you right now?"

"Strawberry?" Meredith asked, suddenly craving the taste.

"Would I make you anything else?" Derek asked. "Come on, princess, let's go make Mommy a milkshake."

"No!" Katie said, flinging herself onto Meredith's chest. "Mama."

"It's okay, Der," Meredith said with a soft smile. "She's fine. And pretty soon she's going to have to share us."

"Okay," Derek said, planting a kiss to the top of both of their heads. "I'll be right back."

"Say bye Daddy," Meredith said, hugging Katie close.

"Daddy go," Katie sighed.

"I see where I'm wanted," Derek laughed, walking out of the room.

"You love me more than Daddy today?" Meredith asked as she looked down at her daughter.

"I love budda," Katie said, reaching out to rub Meredith's stomach again.

"Oh you love Tyler the most?"

"No Ty la," Katie shook her head, a frown on her face.

"You sound like your father," Meredith sighed. "But I guess that's not a bad thing. You could sound like your Uncle Mark."

"Mark!" Katie giggled.

"I don't think your daddy will let you name the baby Mark," Meredith said. "But it would be funny to see his reaction."

"Mark," Katie nodded, turning to Meredith's stomach. "Hi baby Mark."

"Please tell me that she's kidding," Derek sighed as he came into the room.

"I don't think she is," Meredith smiled, sitting up and reaching for the tall glass he was holding out to her. "Maybe we should listen to her."

"Definitely not," Derek said firmly. "And I can't believe that you're not letting me name him after me and you want to name him after Mark."

"I didn't actually suggest it," Meredith said. "She came up with it herself."

"Well, given my history it's just a little unnerving," Derek sighed as he sat down on the bed and tickled Katie's tummy, causing her to fall onto her back in a fit of giggles.

"If I had the energy, I would kill you for that statement," Meredith frowned.

"I know, Mer," Derek said. "I was kidding."

Meredith looked at him closely for a moment before she reached to set her milkshake on the night table. "I don't think you were," she said softly. "Derek, I would never do that to you. You know that, don't you? I'm not Addison."

"I know, Mer," Derek sighed. "But…I woke up a month ago, and Mark had completely taken over my role in this family."

"He didn't," Meredith shook her head. "Derek, you're Katie's daddy. You're my husband. And no one but you will ever fill that role. No one."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But…I guess I can't help the fear."

"Well, it's a stupid fear," Meredith frowned. "Mark helped us because he knew that's what you would have done for Lexie if he'd been in a coma."

"I know," Derek said, his fingers moving through Katie's hair as her eyes drifted closed. "I just…think about if you woke up after five months and Lexie had been here, taking care of me and Katie. You'd doubt it, I know you would."

"I trust you, Derek," Meredith stated flatly.

"I know," Derek sighed. "Look, I'm going to put her in bed, and then we can talk, okay?"

"Okay," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes as she tried to stop them. Stupid hormones.

"Don't cry," Derek shook his head as he leaned in to kiss her. "It's good talking."

"Good talking," she nodded, wiping her eyes.

"I'll be right back," he nodded as he moved towards the door.

Meredith leaned into the pillows, running a hand over her stomach. "Your daddy wants to talk," she whispered. "So you should sleep. Because Mommy's not sure she can handle this discussion if you're moving around all the time."

She sighed as she cradled her stomach protectively, sighing in relief as she felt him calm down inside of her. "Thanks, baby," she whispered.

"Hey," Derek sighed as he walked back into the room, collapsing onto the bed as he reached over to turn on the baby monitor. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," she sighed. "He's sleeping."

"Good boy, bud," Derek said, reaching out to touch her stomach. "Are you mad?"

"Not mad," she sighed. "Just…scared."

"You don't have to be scared," Derek promised, squeezing her hand. "I love you, Mer. Nothing in the world changes that."

"I know," Meredith whispered. "I just…I don't love Mark. And he never…he was just trying to help. There was never a time that he was trying to replace you or hit on me or be Katie's father. He's married to my sister, Derek."

"I know that," Derek sighed. "But that doesn't mean it wasn't hard to wake up and find five months of my life gone and my best friend doing everything I should have been doing."

"But we wanted you to do it," Meredith whispered. "I would have given everything to have you take care of Katie while I was throwing up, to have you take us to Home Depot to decorate Katie's now room. It should have been you. Not Mark. I love Mark like he's my brother, but he's not you."

"I know," Derek said, leaning forward to rest his forehead against hers. "I trust you, I do."

"It doesn't feel like it," Meredith said. "If you don't think that I'd stay faithful while you were in a coma, I don't really know where that leaves us."

"We're still Derek and Meredith," he said. "We're still the couple that went through complete hell and ended up madly in love."

"But you don't trust me."

"Mer, try to think about this from my perspective," Derek said softly. "I wake up, thinking that I've been asleep for a few hours, and I find out that I've missed out on five months of my life, my baby girl is no longer a baby, and you're five months pregnant. I'm allowed to be a little insecure about what I missed out on during those five months."

Meredith sighed as she shifted to look closer at him. "Derek, I'm trying to understand what you're saying," she said. "But…maybe it's my stupid pregnant brain or maybe I just don't get it, but I'm trying to get it. I really am. You were asleep and I couldn't do it. Mark wasn't the only one who helped, he was just here most of the time to make sure nothing happened."

"It's not that Mark was the one doing it," Derek sighed. "It's that I missed out on it. I never heard Katie call me Daddy for the first time, I wasn't there to find out I was having a son, or to help make sure that you were taken care of. I should have helped Katie pick out her princess furniture, I should have made sure that your cravings were filled and held your hair back when you were throwing up."

"And you would have if you could have," Meredith whispered. "I know it, Derek. And I wish I could help you through this. I really do, Derek, but I think this is something you have to work through on your own."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah," he said softly. "I guess it is."

"I love you though," Meredith said, reaching for his hand to rub her stomach gently.

"I love you too," Derek said. "And I trust you, Mer. I never thought that anything happened between you and Mark. I just hate that I had to miss all of this. But I'll find a way to be okay with it. I promise."

Meredith sighed as she leaned into his arms. "Will you stay with me while I nap?" she whispered.

"Of course," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he ran a hand over her stomach. "I love you. Both of you."

"We love you too," Meredith whispered, turning onto her side so that her swollen belly pressed into his side.

She closed her eyes tightly as she felt herself drift out of consciousness, a small smile coming across her lips as she felt Derek slide down her body to rest his head against his stomach. His voice comforting her as she drifted off to sleep.

"Hey bud," he said softly, his hands working over her stomach. "Mommy said you're sleeping, but I want to promise you something. I know I haven't been here for the first few months, but everything will be different now. I'm going to figure out how to not feel so guilty about being here so I can be the best daddy in the world. I think I'm already a pretty good daddy to your sister Katie, but I promise that we're going to have a lot of fun together. I promise, buddy, you're going to have an amazing life. This family is already completely wonderful, and you're going to make it so much better. Not to mention I'll finally have another man around here to protect me from those mean Shepherd women. And once you're old enough, I'll take you down to the lake…"


	39. Chapter 39

"My husband is an idiot," Meredith sighed as she sank down on the couch beside Alex a few months later.

"What'd McDreamy do now?" Christina asked.

"He just texted me and said we should name the baby William," Meredith sighed. "Idiot."

"That's not as bad as Sandy," Alex said with a roll of his eyes. "I knew Shepherd was weird."

"No son of mine will be named William George Shepherd," Meredith said. "It just sounds…stupid."

"Maybe you should just name him George and get it over with," Christina suggested with a laugh.

"Definitely not," Meredith said. "I love George, and I still miss him every day. But I hate the name."

"Not to mention then you run the risk of your kid turning out like 007," Alex added as he sipped his beer.

Meredith smiled as she leaned into the cushions. Derek had taken Katie to the playground, and this was nice. Spending time with Christina and Alex, just being them was nice. There had been a time in her life where she had done this every day, when she had shoved Derek out of her life so she could have this. She'd grown a lot since then, but she still missed the times that the five of them used to sit up all night, drinking and laughing together. This wasn't the same, but with the way her life was now it was as close as they could get.

"When are you due again?" Christina asked, throwing her legs over the side of the chair she was sitting in.

"October 7th," Meredith said, running a hand over her stomach. "Three weeks, or really any day."

"How's Shepherd?" Alex asked. "With the whole coma thing? Is he still pissed about missing everything?"

"Derek's fine with the coma thing," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He had some issues with feeling unnecessarily guilty for not being here with us for so long, but I think he's over that now. He'll always regret that he missed that time in our lives, but I think he's accepted that there's nothing he could have done to change it, even if he would give anything to have that time back."

"That's good," Alex said.

"Dr. Wyatt's helped a lot," Meredith said. "I practically owe that woman my life. If it weren't for her I never would have gotten whole and healed and still be afraid of having a relationship with Derek."

"Yeah, she was awesome in helping me deal with Izzie," Alex said softly. "I didn't think I could get through that."

There was a long silence before Meredith asked, "You went to see Dr. Wyatt after Izzie died?"

"Yeah, well, it was a tough time," Alex shrugged. "I just…I remembered how she turned you back into a normal person and I figured that she would help me get over everything that happened."

"Did she?" Christina asked, unable to contain her curiosity about Alex's life after their friends deaths.

"Yeah, I think she did," Alex said. "I'll always love Iz, but I've moved on with my life. I don't think that would ever have happened without her help. Even if she is an annoying bitch."

Meredith giggled slightly as she ran her hand over her stomach. "She is," she nodded. "But she's amazing. She fixed me, and then she fixed Derek. I have no idea where we'd be without her."

Before anyone could say anyone else, the front door slammed open and she looked up to see Mark storm into the house, looking around the room wildly. "Where's Derek?" he demanded. "I need to find Derek."

"He took Katie to the playground," Meredith frowned as she looked up at Mark's distraught face. "Are you okay?"

"He needs to come home," Mark said, reaching for the cordless phone that sat on the end table. "I need to talk to him."

"Is Lexie okay?" Meredith frowned, fear moving through her entire body. She and Derek were just starting to get back to life the way it had been before the accident, and she didn't need any more stress in her life. For once she wanted to have a significant period in her life that wasn't involved with her best friends dying or her husband lying in a hospital bed for months.

"She's fine," Mark snapped. "Damn selfish, but fine. She might not be when I get through with her."

"Maybe we should go," Alex said, glancing between Mark and Meredith quickly for a moment.

"No, I think it would be funny to stay," Christina laughed, leaning into the back of her chair.

Before anyone could say anything else, the front door opened again and she heard her husband's footsteps making his way towards the living room. "Hey," he said quietly as he held a sleeping Katie against his shoulder. "I didn't realize we had company. She's out."

"Well, it wasn't exactly planned," Meredith sighed, glancing at Mark worriedly and then back at Derek.

"I'll take her upstairs and then we can talk," Derek nodded. "Mark, how about we spend the afternoon fishing at the lake?"

"Yeah," Mark said distractedly, running a hand over his face. "Yeah, that sounds good, Derek."

"Okay," Derek said, leaning down to kiss Meredith softly. "How are you feeling, Mer? Any pain?"

"Good," Meredith sighed. "Or as good as one can feel when she's thirty seven weeks pregnant."

"Aaron will be here any moment," Derek said.

"Definitely not Aaron," Meredith sighed. "Benjamin."

"We really need to just go through a book and pick out a name," Derek sighed as he straightened up again. "I'm going to go put her in bed and then we can go fishing, Mark."

"Okay," Mark said, inhaling a shaky breath.

"Mark, what's going on?" Meredith asked, a frown covering her face as she felt her baby kick her stomach hard.

"Lexie and I had a fight," Mark breathed. "I…I don't know if she's going to let me come home."

"What?" Meredith frowned. "What did you do?"

"She wants to go back to Boston after her residency," Mark said. "I told her that I didn't want to leave Seattle and that she could be an attending here, and she got completely angry and said that she couldn't stay here just because I'm here, which I thought was the point of marriage."

"But…you're her husband," Meredith frowned. "Didn't you talk about that before you got married?"

"Apparently this was an amazing opportunity," Mark rolled his eyes. "So amazing that she took the damn job without telling me."

"She…she took the job?" Meredith frowned, trying to pull herself to her feet and falling back onto the couch. "Freaking belly," she sighed.

"She did," Mark sighed. "Without even asking me, she thought I would be willing to pick up my entire life here, move to Massachusetts all the way across the damn country, leave my friends, my job…who the hell does that?"

"I…I don't know," Meredith sighed. "Derek and I decided on staying in Seattle forever before we were even engaged."

"Yeah, well you and Shep have some weird sense of normalcy," Mark sighed. "You're not normal."

"Okay, what the hell is going on?" Derek frowned as he walked back into the room, looking between Mark and Meredith.

"You're right, this is fun," Alex turned to Christina.

"Shut up," Meredith snapped, rolling her eyes as the doorbell rang. "Great, now Katie's going to wake up. Who the hell is that?"

"Derek? Meredith?"

"In the living room, Mom," Derek sighed as he turned to Mark. "Are you okay?"

"I have some visit…oh, I see that you already have company," Carolyn said as she stepped into the room.

"Derbear!" Liz pushed past her mother to throw herself into Derek's arms. "You're alive."

"I am," Derek laughed as he wrapped his arms around his sister. "And you're here."

"Of course I am," Liz said, turning to look at her mother as the rest of their sisters entered the living room. "We wanted to come see you, and of course welcome our new nephew to the world."

"Not for a little while," Derek said, smiling down at Meredith.

"Three weeks," Meredith nodded, a hand moving over her stomach as she forced a smile onto her face. She loved her husband's family, her family, but she wasn't sure how a quiet afternoon with her friends had turned into a noisy family reunion with Mark screaming about Lexie and her friends watching in entertainment.

"How are you feeling, Mer?" Kathleen asked as she moved to sit beside her. "You look a hell of a lot better than the last time we saw you."

"Last time you saw me I was in my first trimester with a baby and a husband in a coma," Meredith sighed.

"Well, everything's better now, right?" Caitlin said as she sat down on Meredith's other side.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "Or it will be when these stupid Braxton Hicks stop. And when Katie stops crying."

"I'll get her," Carolyn answered, already moving towards the stairs.

"It's not that I wouldn't have considered it if she'd talked to me," Mark sighed. "But she just took the job without saying a word to me. She's just so damn selfish. I'm her husband."

"What job?" Nancy frowned.

"Three's moving to Boston," Christina laughed. "Apparently without Sloan."

"That's awesome!" Caitlin giggled. "You'll be so much closer to home!"

"It's not awesome," Derek frowned. "He needs to be here."

Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the couch, letting her hands move over her stomach as she willed everyone to stop screaming. Right now she just wanted to sleep.

"Mama!" Katie cried as Carolyn carried her into the living room.

"Come here sweetie," Meredith sighed, reaching to pull Katie into her arms.

"Oh, is that Katie?" Liz asked. "She's so beautiful."

"I know, she looks like me," Derek laughed.

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her daughter.

"What?" he laughed, and she felt him plant a kiss to the top of her head. "It's true."

"Meredith!" Lexie's voice shouted from the hall. "Is my idiot husband here?"

"Oh, I'm the idiot?" Mark's voice boomed. "I didn't tell you to move all the way across the damn country so I could have a decent job!"

"It's an amazing hospital!" Lexie cried. "And they're offering me twice what Grace is!"

"Guys, could you not do this here?" Derek frowned as he pulled Katie out of Meredith's arms. "She's trying to sleep."

Meredith squeezed her eyes closed as another false contraction took over her body, and she tuned out all the screaming and shouting of her busy family, trying to gather up the energy to get off of the couch and go upstairs to the privacy of her own bedroom. She couldn't handle this right now.

"Meredith?" she felt the couch sink beside her and she opened her eyes to see Nancy sitting beside her, a concerned expression on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Meredith said, faking a smile. "I just…false labor."

"Hmm," Nancy said, looking at her closely. "Are you sure? Because I've been here for fifteen minutes and seen you have three contractions."

"I just wasn't expecting this," Meredith sighed, reaching to grab Nancy's hand as another Braxton Hicks washed over her. "Ow."

"Are you dizzy?" Nancy asked. "Headaches? Has there been any bleeding?"

"No offense, Nancy, but I am a doctor," Meredith said. "And there's nothing…ow!"

"That was your water breaking," Nancy said, and Meredith felt a rush of panic wash over her as she looked down at the dampness on her pants. "We need to get you to the hospital."

"No, it's too early," Meredith said, but Nancy wasn't paying attention to her.

"Derek!" Nancy ordered. "We have to go to the hospital."

"What?" Derek asked, placing Katie on the ground. "What's wrong."

"Meredith's in labor."

"What?" Derek demanded, moving to kneel in front of Meredith, his eyes full of concern. "Are you okay?"

"My water," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes. "Derek, we're not ready."

"Yes we are," Derek said, pulling her into his arms and lifting her off of the couch. "We've done this before, Mer."

"I know, but…he's early," Meredith whispered. "We don't have any of our stuff packed, there's no one to watch Katie…he doesn't have a name."

"We'll have Mom bring us some stuff," Derek said as he helped her walk towards the door. "There's plenty of people to watch Katie and as for his name…we'll have a lot of time to think of a name while we're waiting for him at the hospital."

"I can't," Meredith breathed, leaning into him as another contraction washed over her body. "Ow…ow."

"Breathe," Derek said gently, and she felt his hands moving in slow, comforting circles over her back. "Just breathe through it."

"Your family…the yelling," Meredith sighed as he settled her into the passenger side of their car.

"I know," Derek sighed as he backed the car down the driveway. "It's okay, Mer, we'll get to the hospital and everything will be fine. We've saved babies a hell of a lot younger. And he's healthy."

"I know," Meredith breathed as she looked out the window. "Katie must be terrified."

"I probably shouldn't have just left her on the floor," Derek laughed gently.

"She doesn't know your sisters," Meredith said, hoping that the worry about her daughter would distract her from the pain taking over her body.

"But she knows Mark and Lexie," Derek reassured her as he reached to take her hand. "And Mom and Alex and Christina. They'll explain what's happening to her."

"He's…early," Meredith gasped as she felt another contraction wash over her.

"And completely healthy," Derek said. "You heard Dr. Cooper say he might come early."

"I know, but it was the stress," Meredith whispered. "The yelling and the family coming, I guess he didn't like it."

"I know," Derek said, turning to her as he pulled onto the ferry boat. "How do you feel?"

"Your son is trying to push his way out of my body, how do you think I feel?" Meredith snapped.

"Mer, are you okay?" he asked. "Nothing's different from Katie?"

"No," she said, reaching for his hand. "They're four minutes apart."

"Lasting a minute each," Derek nodded. "I've got you."

"I'm glad you're here," Meredith whispered.

"Where else would I be?" Derek asked.

"You were in a coma," Meredith whispered. "You could have…not been here."

"Oh Mer," Derek breathed. "There's no way I would have missed this. You're giving me a son."

"You're finally getting your boy, Meredith smiled, her body tensing.

"Our boy," Derek said, squeezing her hand. "Breathe, Mer."

"Drive, Derek," Meredith snapped as the cars around them moved off of the landing.

Derek continued to squeeze her hand as he pulled off the dock, making his way to the hospital. "Look on the bright side, at least I'm not throwing up this time," he said.

Meredith giggled as her body relaxed from her last contraction. "I wanted to kill you," she said.

"I was scared," Derek laughed as he pulled into a parking space. "Are you okay to walk?"

"Yeah," Meredith said, reaching for the door hand and then contracting. "No."

"It's okay, Mer, just breathe," Derek said, and she felt his hands running over her hair. "I'm here, it's okay."

"Okay," Meredith said, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Let's go."

Derek hurried around to her side of the car, pulling her to her feet as she leaned into him. "You okay?"

"Fine," Meredith snapped.

"Okay," Derek said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as they walked through the doors. "Do you need a wheelchair?"

"No…ow," Meredith gasped as she clutched at her stomach.

"Here, sit," Derek ordered as he grabbed a chair from the waiting room.

"What the hell are you doing here?" a familiar voice demanded, and Derek turned from her to see Bailey staring at them.

"My son's on his way," Derek grinned proudly.

"Just what the world needs, another male Shepherd," Bailey rolled her eyes. "Take her upstairs, I'll page Cooper."

"Thank you," Derek said as he pushed Meredith towards the elevators.

"Derek," she whimpered as she looked up at him.

"Hmm?" he asked, smiling his McDreamy smile as he pushed some hair out of her face.

"He can't be born without a name."

"I know," Derek nodded as he pushed her onto the elevator. "Don't worry, I have ideas."

"Ideas?" Meredith asked. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Of course," Derek said as the doors slid open again. "Let's get you settled first."

"Hello, Drs. Shepherd," Dr. Cooper smiled from the nurse's desk. "I see we're ready to welcome a new member of the family."

"We are," Meredith nodded, reaching to grasp Derek's hand.

"Contractions are four minutes apart," she heard him report. "Have been for the past hour."

"Alright, let's check this out," Dr. Cooper said. "Head on in to room one, and change into a gown. I'll be in in a few minutes to examine you."

"Thanks," Derek said and he moved to push Meredith towards the room. "How are you doing?" he asked as he helped shift her onto the bed.

"Hurts," Meredith whispered as a tear slid down her cheek.

"I know," Derek sighed as he reached down to pull her pants off. "They should give you an epidural soon."

Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the pillows. "Name?" she asked.

"Alright, let's see what we've got here," Dr. Cooper said as she walked into the room and snapped on a pair of gloves. She placed Meredith's legs in the stirrups and pulled her gown up. "We're moving along well," she said. "One hundred per cent effaced, seven and a half centimeters dilated.

"Hear that, Mer?" Derek smiled. "Two and a half centimeters to go."

"Epidural?" Meredith asked hopefully through the pain of a contraction.

"Unfortunately it's too late for that," Dr. Cooper sighed as she hooked Meredith up to a heart monitor. "But the way this labor is progressing, I'd say you'll be holding Baby Shepherd in an hour at most."

"Okay," Derek said, squeezing Meredith's hand.

"I'll be back to check on you in a few minutes," Dr. Cooper said. "Hang in there, Meredith."

"I can't do this," Meredith whispered, the tears in her eyes making her husband's form blurry in front of her. "Derek, I'm sorry. But it hurts so much and I'm already so tired. I need the drugs."

"You can," Derek promised her, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it. "You can do anything, Mer. You're amazing. And in just a few hours… Daniel will be here."

"Daniel," Meredith whispered. "Daniel Shepherd.

"Daniel George Shepherd," Derek nodded. "What do you think?"

"I love it," Meredith said. "Daniel…Dan."

"Does our boy have a name?" Derek asked.

"He has a name," Meredith nodded as she tensed again. "Derek…"

"I'm right here," he promised.

"Don't go anywhere," Meredith pleaded, the pain in her body intensifying. "Please don't leave me."

"I'm not," Derek promised. "I'll never leave you, Meredith Shepherd."

"I need you," Meredith whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm here," he promised. "Just breathe, Mer."

"I need to push," she said, her body tightening further.

"I just paged Dr. Cooper," Derek said. "Just wait one more minute."

"I can't," Meredith sobbed, relief filling her body as she saw Dr. Cooper rush in, followed by a team of nurse's and interns. "Thank God."

"Well, your son is certainly not wasting any time," Dr. Cooper commented as she situated herself between Meredith's legs again. "He's ready to come now."

"He's his mother's son," Derek laughed.

"Don't mock me," she snapped. "Your son is destroying my body."

"Sorry," Derek said automatically.

"And you're never having another baby," Meredith heard herself saying. "Which means you're never having sex again. Ever."

"Noted," Derek nodded.

"Okay, Meredith, I can see his head," Dr. Cooper said. "I'm just going to need a couple big pushes.

"You can do it, Mer," Derek encouraged as he moved to sit behind her. "Just a few pushes and it will all be over."

"On three," Dr. Cooper nodded. "One…two…three."

Meredith groaned as she pushed down with all the strength she had in her exhausted body.

"Alright, his shoulders are out," Dr. Cooper smiled. "One more push, Meredith."

Meredith gripped Derek's hands tightly as she pushed down one last time, suddenly feeling the pressure between her legs lift.

"He's here," Dr. Cooper smiled. "Would you like to cut the cord, Dad?"

"Definitely," Derek smiled as he moved to the end of the bed, snapping the cord before he looked down at his son. "Oh, wow."

"Let me see him," Meredith whimpered, fresh tears filling her eyes as Dr. Cooper placed her baby on her stomach. "He's beautiful," she sobbed.

"We need to clean him off while we perform the afterbirth," Dr. Cooper said as she pulled him back into her arms.

"Thank you," Derek whispered as he leaned down to kiss her softly. "Thank you, Meredith. I love you." Meredith smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, happy tears filling her eyes. They had their son and now her life was complete.


	40. Chapter 40

Derek stared down at the tiny baby in his arms, unable to believe that this was his son. The small life in his arms was completely his, from the top of his mass of black curls down to his tiny perfect toes, the baby boy in his arms was the son that he had always longed for, and he couldn't believe that he was finally here. His wife was sleeping soundly in the bed in front of him, snoring softly as she slept off the pain of giving birth, and he was more than happy to spend some time with his son, some Shepherd male bonding time.

Daniel George Shepherd was completely amazing. He looked exactly like himself, and Derek found himself completely amazed as he looked down at the baby who looked so much like him.

"Hi, Daniel," he said softly, tears pricking his eyes as he held his finger out for his son to grab. "I'm your daddy. And Mommy's right here too, but she's sleeping because she's really tired. You put her through a lot today. But I'm here, bud, and you have no idea how long I've waited for you. We're going to have so much fun together. And your big sister Katie is on her way here right now with your grandma. We're going to have to stick together, Danny, because those Shepherd women love to make fun of me. But now I have you on my side which means that we're even. For now. In a couple years we'll talk Mommy into working on a brother for you so that we'll have more support. What do you think?"

"Hmmm," Meredith moaned from the bed, and he looked up from his baby to see her eyes fluttering open. "Der?"

"I'm right here," Derek said. "How are you feeling?"

"Pain," Meredith sighed. "And tired."

"You can go back to sleep," Derek said, shifting Dan to his other arm. "You need it, and you won't be getting much of it."

"No," she said, turning to look at him. "Dan."

"He's right here," Derek smiled, settling their son into his arms before he sat down beside her on the bed. "His lungs are a little undeveloped, but they're going to be watching him to make sure they're better before he goes home."

"He looks like you," Meredith whispered as she stared down at their baby, his blue eyes staring up at her.

"He's beautiful," Derek smirked.

"I don't know if I should be worried that all my children turn out to look like you," Meredith said softly as she trailed a finger down Dan's cheek with a wide smile on her face.

"I think you should be happy about that," Derek said, wrapping an arm around him and pressing a kiss to her forehead. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith smiled.

"We have a son," Derek said.

"Two kids," Meredith nodded. "Under the age of two. This is going to be an adventure, taking him home."

"We're about to get very busy," Derek laughed. "I called Mom. She's bringing Katie down to meet her baby brother."

"Good," Meredith sighed. "How long did I sleep? I didn't miss to much, right? He hasn't needed to eat?"

"About an hour and a half," Derek said. "Are you feeling okay? No more pain than the expected soreness?"

"No," Meredith said. "And honestly…it was worth it. Because Daniel's here. And you have your son."

"It definitely was," Derek said, looking down at Dan. "I have a son. We have a beautiful baby boy."

"Another Shepherd boy," Meredith smiled. "Hey, Dan. I'm your mommy. And I'm going to take really good care of you, I promise."

"We're very happy to have you here, Daniel George Shepherd," Derek nodded. "And when you're old enough, Mommy will tell you all about your Uncle George because you're named after him."

"He would have loved to meet you," Meredith said softly. "But I think he sent you. Because Mommy was very sad when she found out about you, but knowing that you were with her made it all better."

"Good job, bud," Derek said. "Us Shepherd men have to watch out for our women. And you were taking care of Mommy right from the start. You have to take care of Mommy and Katie."

The door opened slightly and he looked up to see his mother enter the room, Katie nestled in her arms. "How are we doing?" she asked gently. "Is he here safe and healthy?"

"Good," Derek smiled. "Come on in, there's someone we need you to meet. And someone's a big sister now."

"Daddy?" Katie whispered as she reached for Derek. "Mama? I big sister? Where budda?"

"This is your new brother," Derek said as he placed Katie on his hip and moved to set her on his lap on the bed. "Daniel George Shepherd."

"Oh, Derek," Carolyn breathed as she looked down at the baby cradled in Meredith's arms. "He looks exactly like you."

"I know," Derek said with a wide smile. "He's very clearly a Shepherd. He has my hair."

"Of course," Carolyn said as she leaned down to kiss Meredith's cheek. "Congratulations, sweetheart."

"Thanks, Mom," Meredith smiled, briefly glancing at his mother before returning her eyes to Dan.

"I'll leave the four of you alone now," Carolyn said as she squeezed Derek's hand. "I'll come back in a little while."

"Thanks, Mom," Derek said as he looked down at Katie. "Well, what do you think of your brother, piglet?"

"Broter?" Katie frowned as she looked down at Dan who was curled against Meredith's chest.

"That's your brother," Derek nodded. "Daniel."

"Danel," Katie sighed as she looked at Meredith.

"You want to give him a kiss?" Meredith asked. "You have to be really gentle, okay princess?"

Katie bit her lower lip, unsure for a moment before she leaned in to press her lips against her brother's. "Mama," she said.

"Good job, Katie," Meredith smiled. "Do you like being a big sister? I bet it's pretty fun."

Katie frowned as she tried to push Dan out of her arms. "My turn," she said. "Hold me, Mama."

"Katie, Dan needs Mommy right now," Derek sighed. "You're going to have to learn to share."

"She's fine, Der," Meredith smiled as she shifted Dan to rest against her shoulder, reaching to support his head with one hand before untangling one hand to wrap around her daughter. "This okay, piglet?"

"Mama," Katie sighed as she snuggled into Meredith's side. "Hi Dan el. I Katie, big sister."

"What time is it, Der?" Meredith frowned.

"Five thirty," Derek said. "But she had a short nap and lots of excitement today."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed as she looked down at her babies. "Look at our kids, Der."

"They're amazing," Derek smiled. "I can't believe this."

"I know," Meredith whispered. "We can do this, right?"

"We don't have much of a choice," Derek laughed slightly.

"I'm serious, Derek," Meredith said. "They're calm right now, but Katie's busy and newborns need constant attention."

"I know," Derek sighed. "It might take a while, but Mom's here. She'll help."

"You really think we can do it?" Meredith asked softly.

"I do," Derek said, smiling as he watched Katie drift off to sleep against Meredith's chest, her fingers clutching Dan's tiny hand tightly. "Look at everything we've overcome."

"Wives," Meredith said. "And vets. And nurses."

"And bombs," Derek nodded. "We've survived ferryboat crashes and comas, bus accidents and cancer. If we can get through all of that, I have no doubt that we can raise two amazing children and be perfectly happy while doing it."

"Good," Meredith sighed. "I think we can too."

"I love you so incredibly much," Derek whispered. "And I think that can get us through anything."

"I love you too," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes. "I don't…I can't imagine what would have happened if I'd never gotten whole and healed for you."

"Oh, Mer," Derek smiled, leaning in to press his lips against hers. "We would have figured it out. There's no way that I would have missed out on this."

"No, we could have," Meredith breathed. "You were dating the nurse, and I ran, and we could never have gotten married, and we wouldn't have the two most amazing babies in the world."

"But we do," Derek said, his fingers trailing over Katie's soft curls as he leaned down to kiss Dan's capped head. "And I love our life."

"I love our life too," Meredith sighed.

"Is it safe to come in?" Mark asked, poking his head in the room, causing Meredith and Derek to turn from their children to look at him.

"Of course," Derek smiled. "Meet my son."

Mark leaned over the bed, tilting his head to the side as he looked at Dan's sleeping face. "He looks like you," he frowned.

"I know," Derek grinned. "McDreamy the second."

"Oh, God," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'm going to have to make sure that he doesn't turn into an idiot like you."

"Hey, don't make fun of me," Derek frowned. "I gave you that son."

"I knew I always liked you, Big Grey," Mark smiled.

"Shepherd," Derek and Meredith corrected together.

"What's going on with you and Little Grey?" Derek asked.

"Don't know," Mark shrugged, and Derek couldn't help the uneasiness that settled in the pit of his stomach as Mark didn't correct him by stating Lexie's last name as Sloan. "Right now we're celebrating the newest little member of the family. Even if he's unlucky enough to look like your sorry face."

"He's better looking than your son will be," Derek laughed.

"Derek?" a voice came from the doorway, and he turned to see Liz standing in the corner of the room. "Is it okay if we come in?"

Derek glanced at Meredith, seeing a tight smile come across her lips. "Are you all here?" he asked.

"Yeah," Liz sighed. "I know…we all feel awful, Derbear. We didn't think that showing up unexpectedly would cause Mer to go into premature labor. We were just so excited to see you, and…he's okay right? Because I feel horrible, and so do the rest of the girls."

"It's okay, Liz," Meredith said softly. "I know you didn't mean anything bad to happen. And he's fine. You can come in."

Derek moved to take Katie out of Meredith's arms, her head resting against his shoulder as he leaned into the pillows behind Meredith. "Come see my perfect son."

"Oh, Der, he's beautiful," Caitlin whispered as she leaned over Meredith's side.

"I remember when Mom and Daddy brought you home," Kathleen smiled as she kissed his cheek. "He looks exactly like you."

"He does," Carolyn smiled. "And I'm sure he'll grow into a wonderful man, just like his father."

"That part's up to us," Meredith sighed. "I hope we can do as wonderful job as you did, Mom."

"You're wonderful parents," Carolyn smiled softly. "This beautiful little girl right here proves it."

"And now we have two," Derek said, his arms tightening around Katie as she whimpered in her sleep. "It's okay, princess."

"Is he doing okay?" Nancy asked. "There weren't any complications?"

"No, he's perfectly healthy," Derek nodded. "His lungs are a little undeveloped, but they should be stronger in a couple days. And the labor was very quick."

"Which meant to drugs," Meredith sighed, leaning back into the pillows.

"Ouch," Liz winced. "I don't even want to think about how painful that would be."

"You definitely don't," Kathleen laughed. "Twins. No drugs. Nine hours of stalled labor."

"You win," Meredith nodded, looking down at Dan as he let out a loud wail. "He must be hungry."

"We'll leave you alone, sweetheart," Carolyn nodded. "Do you want me to take Katie home?"

"Please," Derek nodded. "You can keep her at your house if you want. Just make sure you stop to get her pig or else you'll have a very angry little princess on your hands."

"Of course," Carolyn nodded as she leaned down to press a kiss to Dan's head. "Good night, darling."

"Night princess," Derek murmured, kissing Katie's head softly. "I love you."

"Let me see her," Meredith said, reaching out to hug Katie with her free arm. "Mommy loves you, piglet. I'll see you in the morning."

"There we go," Carolyn smiled as Derek placed his daughter in her arms. "We'll see you in the morning. Call if there's anything you need me to bring."

"We will," Derek nodded. "Bye guys."

"Bye Derbear," Liz smiled as she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "Congratulations."

"Thanks Lizzie," Derek smiled. "We'll see you all tomorrow."

He turned back to Meredith as his sisters filed out of the room, looking down at a still fussing Dan. "You're okay with me staying?"

"Of course," Meredith sighed as she pulled her gown down over her breast. "Alright, sweetie, I know you're new to this, but let's give it a try….good boy."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he looked closely at his son gently sucking on Meredith's breast.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes.

"What?" he asked.

"My face is up here."

"And my baby's down there," Derek laughed as he tore his eyes away from Dan to look at Meredith's face. "God, you're beautiful."

"Don't lie," she rolled her eyes. "I just gave birth, Der. I look like a mess."

"You really don't," Derek said, leaning forward to brush her hair out of her eyes. "And you just gave me a son."

"I did," Meredith smiled. "Who has apparently inherited my appetite."

"I'm sure there will be more of you that will emerge in him," Derek said.

"I hope so," Meredith sighed. "Hopefully our next one will have something that looks like me."

"Katie has your nose," Derek offered.

"Right," Meredith sighed. "He doesn't have either one of our noses."

"He has mine before I broke it," Derek nodded.

"You broke your nose?" Meredith giggled. "That's why it's funny?"

"It's not funny," Derek rolled his eyes.

"It's totally crooked," Meredith said. "How did you break it?"

"Mark threw a baseball at my face," Derek rolled his eyes.

"And you didn't think to duck?" Meredith asked as she looked down at her baby boy. "Hopefully you'll grow up to be smarter than your daddy and know to duck when there's a baseball being hurled at your face."

"I wasn't paying attention," Derek protested. "I was trying to study outside, he wanted to play ball, and he thought that throwing a baseball at me would get my attention."

"I guess it did," Meredith giggled as Dan released her. "Burp him?"

"Of course," Derek smiled. "Come here, bud. Daddy's going to help burp you."

"They're going to be bringing me my dinner soon," Meredith sighed as she pulled her gown back over her shoulders. "Are you going to get something from downstairs?"

"I suppose," Derek sighed. "They're going to want him back soon so they can test his lungs."

"I thought you said they were okay," Meredith frowned.

"He's fine," Derek nodded. "But they want to test him a couple times a day to make sure everything's okay."

"Oh," Meredith sighed, frowning when the door opened.

"Hello," a nurse smiled as she moved to Derek. "How are we doing?"

"We just ate," Derek nodded as he handed the baby over. "Bye, bud. I'll see you later."

"Bye, Dan," Meredith whispered, and Derek smiled as he turned to see her drifting off to sleep again. He leaned down to press a kiss to her forehead as he ran a hand over her head. She'd just given him the son he had always dreamed of, and he knew he had to do something to show her how much he loved her.


	41. Chapter 41

"Alright, sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she latched Dan's diaper on and lifted her to her shoulder. "As soon as your slowpoke father gets here, we can take you home. He went to get Katie so that you won't be alone in the backseat for your very first car ride, but he should be back by now."

"Daddy is back," Derek smiled as he entered the room, Katie situated on his hip, her arms wrapped around his neck.

"We were just beginning to wonder where you were," Meredith smiled as she leaned over to kiss Katie's hair. "Hi piglet."

"Hi Mama," Katie giggled. "Hi brudda."

"His name's Dan, silly girl," Derek said with a laugh. "You don't have to call him brother anymore."

"Daddy, give Mama present," Katie ordered as she looked at her father, a wide smile on her face.

"Present?" Meredith raised her eyebrows as she looked at Derek expectantly, her eyes sparkling

"Thanks, tattletale," Derek said as he tickled his daughter's stomach tightly. "That was supposed to be a surprise for when we got home."

"Mama present," Katie insisted.

"Alright," Derek sighed as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a jewelry box. "I know you don't like jewelry, but you were so amazing during this entire pregnancy, I thought that it deserved a special surprise."

"Oh," Meredith whispered as she leaned down to place Dan in his bassinet and crack the box open to reveal a silver charm, a heart shaped locket dangling from the string. "It's beautiful, Der."

"Open it," Derek said with a smile.

Meredith snapped the locket open, tears springing to her eyes when she saw Katie's baby picture sitting beside Dan's, her two babies looking almost identical in their first hours of life. "Oh, Derek," she whispered, leaning in to kiss him. "It's beautiful. I love it. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek smiled, pulling her in for another kiss, smiling as he pressed his lips against hers.

"Ewww!" Katie giggled. "Kissing gross."

"Exactly," Derek nodded. "Always remember that. Boys are evil, and none of them are good enough for you."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as she pulled Katie into her arms. "Can you put it on for me?"

"Of course," Derek said, taking the necklace out of her hands and gently hooking it around her neck, pressing a quick kiss to her shoulder. "I love you. I love you so incredibly much."

"I love you too," Meredith smiled, smiling down at her daughter. "And you my little piglet."

"Dan home?" Katie asked, reaching forward to play with Meredith's new heart shaped necklace.

"That's right, Dan's coming home," Meredith nodded. "Which means Daddy's going to take you because of that stupid rule that says I have to take a wheelchair. I can walk perfectly fine."

"Mer, do you honestly want to walk?" Derek asked as he looked up from the bassinet where he'd been looking closely at Dan.

"I gave birth, I'm not paralyzed," Meredith sighed. "I can walk. And I don't need a wheelchair."

"Well, you're not going to," Derek said firmly. "My son deserves the best treatment, starting with a wheelchair."

"Your son has an idiot as a father," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He better not grow up thinking like you."

"I am not an idiot," Derek frowned.

"Daddy idot!" Katie giggled into Meredith's shoulder as Meredith pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"See what you did now?" Derek asked as he reached for his daughter. "She thinks I'm stupid."

"I'm not going to lie to my daughter," Meredith giggled. "And it's better that she knows the truth."

"Daddy idot!"

"You better be careful, Katherine Isobel," Derek warned as he flung her over his shoulder, causing her to release a fit of giggles. "Daddy might decide that the pretty princess lamp in your room looks better in the store and take it back so you don't have a princess room."

"No!" Katie giggled as he tickled her stomach gently. "No Daddy! My lamp! Daddy no idot!"

"Don't call Daddy an idiot and he'll stop talking," Derek laughed. "And you," he pointed to Meredith. "Don't poison my children against me. I'm their father, they should love me."

"Sorry," Meredith giggled as she leaned down to pick Dan up. "But you have to admit it's funny."

"You're going to drive me crazy," Derek sighed as he pulled her into his arms and pressed a kiss to the side of her head. "Ready?"

"Ready," Meredith nodded.

"Heard you needed a wheelchair," Christina said from the doorway, a smirk playing on her face.

"What are you doing here?" Meredith frowned.

"You didn't think that I was going to miss seeing you get pushed around in a wheelchair, did you?" Christina smirked as she sat down in the chair. "Have a seat, old lady. We'll make sure you get downstairs okay."

"That's it, I'm not going downstairs in that thing," Meredith shook her head as she stepped away from the chair.

"Mer, it's not that big a deal," Derek sighed.

"Your husband's the Chief, can't he wave the stupid rule?" Meredith frowned at her best friend.

"Probably if I wanted him to," Christina shrugged. "This is way too much fun. Now load McDreamy Jr. up so you can get both of them out of my way. I don't want two of them around."

"I'm being abused today," Derek sighed. "Mer, can you please just get into the chair so we can go home?"

"Fine," Meredith sighed as she sat down in the chair. "Don't say a word," she said as Christina smirked.

"Damn," Christina sighed as she looked at her pager. "I've got to take this. I take it you can get it from here, McDreamy?"

"Of course," Derek said as he looked down at his daughter. "You want to help me push Mommy down the hall, princess?"

"Push Mommy," Katie nodded eagerly.

"You have everything?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, you can just hook the diaper bag over the back of the chair," Meredith sighed as she looked down at Daniel. "He just ate and I changed his diaper, so hopefully he'll be okay until we get home."

"Good," Derek said as he moved to push her out into the hallway. "See, this isn't so bad, is it?"

"I guess not," Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the chair.

"Meredith?" a voice called from down the hall. "Meredith Grey?"

Meredith frowned as she looked up from Dan, her eyes widening when she saw an oddly familiar face down the hall. "Elise?" she asked.

"Oh my God, it really is you," the woman laughed as she moved down the hall. "I…did you just have a baby?"

"Yeah," Meredith said as she stood shakily, Daniel still clutched in her arms. "My second. This is my husband, Derek. Der, this is Elise. We were roommates for two years when we were undergrads at Dartmouth."

"And I never thought I would see the day when Meredith Grey was married with kids," Elise laughed. "You were always so much fun, Mer."

"I'm still fun," Meredith frowned. "Just…a different kind of fun."

"Right, Mommy fun," Elise laughed. "God, this is unbelievable. And to think that when I came out here we were going to relive the old days."

"Um, Mer," Derek said softly. "I know this is exciting, but we really don't have much time."

"Right," Meredith said as she sank back into the chair. "How long are you here for?"

"I'm here on a consult," Elise sighed. "But I'll be around for about a week."

"Well, you should come out to our house in a few days," Meredith nodded. "When we've settled in and have time for visitors."

"That would be awesome," Elise grinned as she reached into her pocket and pulled out a business card. "Here's my number, give me a call when you're ready for visitors. And if you're not, it's totally okay. I can understand if you want to be a mommy now instead of a person."

"I…okay," Meredith said with a smile. "It was good to see you again."

"You too," Elise said. "Really, Mer, I never thought I'd see this day."

"Well, it's here," Meredith said with a forced smile.

"And we're going to go," Derek nodded as Katie buried her face in his shoulder. "It was nice meeting you."

"You too," Elise smiled as she looked down at Meredith. "Congrats, Mer."

Meredith sighed as she looked up at Derek. "Sorry," she sighed. "I didn't know… that wasn't supposed to happen."

"It's okay, Mer," Derek sighed as he stopped in front of the elevator and shifted Katie to his other arm. "More Death and Die?"

"No, Elise was…well, she was the one who introduced me to tequila," Meredith sighed. "But I don't want to talk about her right now. We're bringing our son home."

"We are," Derek smiled as he moved to push her into the elevator, smiling down at Dan. "You ready to go home, bud?"

"He is," Meredith smiled as she trailed a finger down his cheek. "Right sweetheart? You're tired of being here, your lungs are finally developed, so we can go home."

"Home," Katie sighed as she leaned into Derek.

"Home, Katie bug," Derek laughed as the elevator doors opened and he moved to push her towards the door.

"There you are!" Lexie cried from the front door. "We were wondering when you were going to get down here."

"Sorry," Meredith sighed as she stepped out of the chair, clutching Dan to her chest. "We ran into…complications."

"Coming downstairs shouldn't be complicated, Big Grey," Mark laughed loudly as he wrapped his arms around Lexie's waist.

Derek glanced at Meredith again as she looked carefully at Mark and Lexie. "Are you guys better?" he asked.

"We are," Mark nodded, squeezing his wife close to him. "And we've even got the second generation of Shepherd and Sloan in the works."

"Seriously?" Meredith's eyes widened as she turned to look at Lexie. "You're pregnant?"

"I am," Lexie giggled as she rested her hand on her stomach. "I found out a couple days ago and I turned down the job in Boston."

"You're staying?" Derek asked, relief filling his body. He'd never admit it to anyone besides Meredith, but he didn't want to be here without Mark anymore. Mark was his brother, his best friend, and he didn't want to be a dad again without Mark to be there to corrupt his kids.

"We're staying," Lexie sighed. "Daddy needs me here anyways, so…we're not going anywhere."

"That's amazing," Meredith breathed. "Congratulations."

"Thanks," Lexie smiled. "And…I'm hoping for our sake that it's a girl."

"Sloans make men," Mark nodded firmly.

"You don't actually know that," Lexie rolled her eyes. "And we should let them get home before Dan wakes up again."

"That was the plan," Meredith sighed. "But I don't think it will happen anymore."

"We'll see what happens," Derek said as he moved towards their car that was parked beside the door. "Ready Katie bell?"

"We'll see you guys later," Meredith said as she squeezed Lexie's hand. "Congratulations."

"Bye," Mark said as he wrapped an arm around Lexie's waist, gently guiding her away.

"Okay, Danny," Meredith sighed. "Mommy's going to make sure you're strapped into your car seat, but you don't have to wake up, okay?"

"No Dan," Katie frowned from her own car seat as she watched Meredith strap him into the car seat.

"And the jealousy starts," Derek sighed. "Katie, remember you have to be gentle with him.

"My seat," Katie frowned as she tried to push Dan's car seat out of the car. "No brudda."

"Katherine Isobel, we've talked about this," Derek said. "Do you want ice cream when we get home?"

"Yeah!" Katie's eyes lit up the same way Meredith's did when she was excited.

"Alright, well you're only going to get ice cream if you're nice to Dan, okay?" Derek said, looking at his daughter carefully.

"Kay," Katie nodded.

"You're bribing her?" Meredith asked as she slid into the passenger seat.

"It worked," Derek laughed as he slid in beside her, looking into the back seat where Katie was holding her pig out to Dan.

"I'm pretty sure bribing is not a good parenting technique," Meredith sighed. "Not to mention that she's way too young for ice cream."

"A few bites won't hurt," Derek laughed as he pulled the car onto the street. "She's fine, Mer."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…we can do this, right, Der?"

"Of course we can," Derek nodded. "You're an amazing mother. And I'm not going back to work until after Thanksgiving, so he'll be older by then."

"We can," Meredith said. "I just want them both to be so loved and never to feel like they're ignored."

"They won't," Derek promised. "They'll always be number one for us, not like when you were growing up."

"I hope so," Meredith said, a smile playing on her lips as she turned to look at Katie. "How's your new brother doing, sweetheart?"

"Dan like pig," Katie nodded as she held her pig up for Meredith to see.

"Well, that's your pig, he's going to need his own," Meredith said. "And we're going to have to start thinking of Halloween costumes for you."

"Tume?" Katie frowned.

"You get to dress up and get lots of candy," Meredith giggled. "And you can help find a costume for Dan too."

"Dan cow."

"You want to dress your brother up like a cow?" Meredith asked.

"Dan cow, I pig," Katie nodded.

"You want to be a pig two years in a row?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"I piglet," Katie smiled proudly.

"You are," Meredith smiled as she glanced at Derek. "You'll always be our little piglet."

"You think she'll really want to be a piglet two years in a row?" he asked.

"Probably," Meredith sighed. "They're her favorite animal. And it's not like she understands the whole concept of Halloween yet."

"True," Derek nodded. "Do you think she'll fit into her costume from last year?"

"Don't be an idiot," Meredith giggled. "Those things cost like twenty dollars."

"I know," Derek smiled as he pulled onto the ferry boat and turned to smile at her, lacing their fingers together. "You're going to do fine, Mer. You're the best mother I could possibly imagine for my children."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered. "And I think I can do this. I think I can make them both happy and loved."

"I know you can," Derek nodded. "And we're going to do it. Together."

"Forever?" Meredith smiled softly.

"Until we're old and smelly and senile," Derek promised.

"Good," Meredith smiled as she leaned forward to kiss him softly, giggling against his lips as Katie squealed in disgust.

"Kissing's gross!"

Derek laughed as he turned to look at their daughter, and she smiled as she watched him lean forward to tickle her gently. He was right, together they could do this.


	42. Chapter 42

Derek smiled softly as he leaned against the doorframe to his daughter's room. She was still sleeping, it was early, but Dan had awoken him and Meredith ten minutes earlier, and they had declared that today would be the day they went to get their Christmas tree. Dan was two and a half months old now, and Meredith was sure that they could do this as a family so long as he was warm enough.

The first few months of his son's life had been stressful and crazy, but he wouldn't take them back for anything. Meredith had proved to be an amazing mother to both of their children, and although he had hated returning to work a week before, he had been glad to know that his babies were safe in the care of his wife. She was sure a little unsure about going back to work, especially since he'd come home reporting that Elise had been hired as the new attending in neonatal surgery, but she still had until after the new year to decide whether she was going to actually come back and he knew she was enjoying her time at home.

But now, he had to wake his daughter up and get her dressed for the day so that they could go search for the perfect tree, just like his family had when he was growing up in New York.

"Good morning, sunshine," he whispered as he knelt beside her bed, leaning forward lower the safety bar on the side of her bed before he pressed a kiss to her cheek, rubbing her back gently.

"Daddy?" Katie whispered, her nose scrunching the same way Meredith's did when she was waking up.

"Time to wake up," Derek said, smoothing a hand over her curls. "Guess what we're doing today."

"Chismas?" Katie asked, sitting up quickly and looking at him with excited sparkling eyes.

"Not quite," Derek laughed. "But we are going to get our Christmas tree. What do you think of that?"

"Let's go!" Katie cried, pushing him out of the way as she ran towards the door of her bedroom.

"Hold on there, speed demon," Derek laughed as he grabbed his daughter and flung her over his shoulder. "What do we do first thing in the morning? You're not getting out of it because today's special."

"Tee!" Katie giggled, pounding her fists against Derek's back as she struggled in his arms.

"That's right, Daddy's going to brush your teeth," Derek nodded as he crossed the hall to the bathroom. "And then we're going to get dressed really warm so we don't get cold since we'll be outside for a really long time."

"Tree for Santa," Katie said around a mouthful of toothpaste as Derek handed her a cup of water.

"Tree for Santa," Derek smiled as he watched her rinse her mouth out. "We'll get the best tree there is, I promise."

"Derek."

Meredith's voice came from the door of the bathroom and he turned around to look at her with a frown. "Mer, what's wrong?" he asked. Daniel was sleeping against her shoulder, but her eyes were troubled, and she glanced at Katie for a moment before she met his eyes again. "Katie, why don't you go color a picture for Daddy?" she asked. "In your room, don't try to undo the gate on the stairs again."

"Okay, Mommy!" Katie giggled as Derek lifted her off the counter, meeting Meredith's eyes as he felt a panic wash over him.

"Mer, what's wrong?" he asked with a frown.

"Nothing's wrong," Meredith said with a slight smile. "I just talked to Lexie."

"Why do you look like you're up to something?" Derek frowned.

Meredith giggled slightly as she stepped closer to him. "Do you want to get married?"

Derek stared at her for a moment, a frown taking over his face. "Meredith, are you feeling alright?" he asked. "Because…we've been married. For two and a half years."

"I know," Meredith giggled. "But we never had a wedding. And you were in a coma for our second wedding, so Lexie and I thought a spur of the moment thing would be nice."

"That sounds perfect," Derek smiled as he leaned forward to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith said as she shifted Daniel into his arms. "They're yours today. And um…don't leave the house, okay?"

"Sure," Derek laughed. "You'll never fail to surprise me, Meredith Shepherd."

"Just keeping the passion alive or whatever," Meredith shrugged as she moved down the stairs.

"Your mommy is an amazing woman," Derek said as he looked down at Dan. "I hope one day you'll find someone to love as much as I love her. She's pretty special."

"Daddy!" Katie cried as she toddled into the room. "I princess?"

"That's right, you're going to be a princess later today," Derek laughed as he led her reached down to scoop her into his other arm. "How about we go get breakfast while Mommy works on her super secret surprise for Daddy?"

"bfast," Katie nodded, rubbing her tummy.

"Alright, let's go," Derek sighed as he moved down the stairs. He couldn't believe that Meredith had done this for him, completely out of the blue, but he was sure that he was going to love her even more after today was over. His wife was completely incredible.

"Pcakes, pcakes, pcakes," Katie chanted as Derek settled her into her high chair.

"Pancakes?" Derek asked. "You really are your mother's daughter."

"Mama?" Katie asked as she looked around the room. "Where Mama?"

"She's with Aunt Lexie," Derek nodded as he placed Daniel in his playpen, making sure he had his teddy bear in his reach. "You'll see her later."

"Mama," Katie sighed dejectedly.

"Oh, sure, you get to have me for the entire morning, but all you want is Mommy," Derek laughed. "Hopefully your brother will like me."

"Lo Daddy," Katie nodded. "I lo Mama mo."

"Of course you love Mommy more," Derek sighed as he placed a pancake in front of her. "But I'll have you know that I'm definitely the better parent. Mommy still doesn't know that I gave you French fries while she was in the hospital with Dan the man."

"Fies!" Katie giggled as she shoved her pancakes into her mouth.

"What do you think, Danny?" Derek asked as he reached down to pull his son out of the play pen. "Us Shepherd men have got to stick together. Those Shepherd women are just mean."

"I no mean!" Katie shouted.

"I know you're not, princess," Derek laughed as he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "Do you want some milk?"

"Mil!" Katie nodded eagerly.

"Okay, hold tight," Derek sighed as he moved towards the fridge. He frowned as he heard the front door open, wondering what Meredith was doing home so early.

"Derek," Mark said, his eyes dark as he stepped into the kitchen. "I need to talk to you."

"What's wrong?" Derek asked, slowly lowering Katie's sippy cup to the counter. "Mark, is Meredith okay?"

Mark glanced at Katie for a moment before he said, "We should talk in the living room."

"No," Derek whispered. "She can't…I can't."

"I'm sorry," Mark said as he moved forward to pull Daniel out of Derek's shaking arms. "She was on her way to our house, and she stopped by to visit Elise, and a car ran a red light as she was crossing the street to her apartment. I'm sorry, Derek, if there's anything I can do…"

"No," Derek repeated, feeling his head start to spin. "She's…Mer. I need her. We all need her."

Mark continued speaking, but Derek's head was spinning, and all off a sudden he felt shaking. Something was shaking him, and then Meredith's voice was cutting through his panic attack.

"Derek," she said urgently. "Derek, wake up."

"No!" he cried. "I can't…not Mer. No!"

"Derek, I'm here," she said, and suddenly he felt her fingers in his hair, her lips against his forehead. "It's okay, wake up. I'm right here."

"Mer," he breathed, his eyes opening to see her worried face hovering over his. "You're alive."

"I'm right here," she said softly. "Are you okay?"

"I don't…I don't know," he said, reaching to hold her tightly as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too," whispered, her fingers playing in his hair again. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"We were…we were going to go get our Christmas tree," Derek whispered. "But then you came in and told me that you wanted to get married instead."

"We're already married," Meredith said softly.

"You wanted a wedding," Derek said softly. "We keep saying that we're going to have a wedding, but something always gets in the way."

"You had a nightmare about having a wedding?" Meredith frowned. "That's not exactly a confidence booster."

"It wasn't about the wedding," Derek shook his head. "Although I did have nightmares when Izzie was planning our wedding."

"Me too," Meredith giggled slightly. "So what happened?"

"You went to go see Lexie," Derek whispered. "To get your dress or something, I don't know. I was making breakfast for the kids, and Mark came in, and he said…"

"What did he say?" Meredith asked softly.

"He said that you were crossing the street, on your way to see Elise," Derek said softly. "And a car ran a red light."

"Oh, Der," Meredith whispered, leaning down to kiss him softly. "I'm here. I'm alive and I'm here."

"I know," he sighed as he snuggled into her arms. "I just…I was so scared."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "When we got back together, I had the same dream. After the house of candles, you never came back. But then Christina called and told me that you'd been hit by a bus, and just as I got to the hospital…Bailey was calling the time of death."

"I wish you didn't have to dream about that," Derek whispered. "I did come back."

"You did," Meredith smiled softly. "And that was the most amazing night of my life."

"That's when we really decided to do this," Derek said. "And you…you took my breath away that night."

"There's still apart of me that's in awe that you even came back," Meredith said. "I was so scared that Rose was going to convince you that you were better off with her than me."

"Never," Derek shook his head. "Mer, I have no idea what the hell I would do without you."

"Me either," Meredith said. "When you were…sick, I was so terrified. I thought I was going to have to raise your babies by myself, and that I would never get to hear you laugh or feel your arms around me again. And that completely terrified me."

"I don't know why I dreamed about it," Derek said. "But I don't want to dream about it ever again."

"I hope you don't have to," Meredith said softly.

"Did your dreams go away?" Derek asked.

"They did," Meredith nodded. "When we decided to move in together, when I knew that this was really happening this time."

"Oh," Derek sighed.

"But we already know that, so I'm not sure how to get rid of yours," Meredith said.

"I know a way," Derek smiled softly as he leaned in to kiss her, gently rolling her onto her back as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Oh, a distraction method," Meredith breathed as he trailed his lips down her neck.

"It's been awhile," Derek whispered.

"I just got the all clear," Meredith whispered, tugging on the bottom of his shirt.

"You sure you're ready?" Derek frowned as he pulled back to look down at her.

"What do you think?" Meredith purred as she reached for his hand and pushed it into her pajama pants, guiding him to stroke the wetness that waited for him.

"Oh," Derek gasped. "I think you're very ready."

Meredith reached up to kiss him deeply, her hips starting to move against his, but before he could pull her shirt over her head, a loud wail came over the baby monitor.

"Damn it," Derek sighed as he buried his face in Meredith's neck.

"Derek," she sighed as she pushed him off of her. "He needs me."

"I know," Derek sighed as he rolled off of her, staring up at the ceiling in frustration as Meredith slid out of bed. His erection was still throbbing hard, begging to be inside of his wife, but his son needed her. She was the one who got up with him all the time, and he knew it wasn't fair that he was lying in bed thinking about sex while she was taking care of Dan.

With a sigh, he pushed himself out of bed and moved to the nursery, leaning against the door and watching as Meredith held Dan against her, gently whispering to him as he ate. She was completely beautiful, and he knew that he would never tire of watching her in these special, shared moments with their children.

"What are you doing?" her soft voice interrupted his trance, and he saw her looking up at him with a frown. "You should go back to bed."

"No," Derek shook his head. "I want to be with you."

"Derek," she said softly, reaching a hand out to him. "I'm fine. I'm right here, and I'm fine."

"I know," Derek nodded, taking her hand and kneeling in front of her. "But I love you. And I can't sleep without you."

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're an idiot," she said.

"The thanks I get for trying to be a good husband," Derek sighed. "Please don't leave me, Mer."

"I won't," she said as she shifted Dan in her arms and offered him to Derek. "Burp him for me?"

"Always," Derek smiled as he took his son into his arms. "Hey, Dan, are you all fed? We've got to work on your timing, bud."

"He's a baby, Derek," Meredith giggled as she looked at them closely. "He needs me."

"I know," Derek nodded as he moved to the changing table and reached for a clean diaper. "But we try to make sure that his needing you doesn't interfere with my needing you."

Meredith giggled as she moved to wrap her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder as he changed their son's diaper. "Well, he actually needs me," she said. "For food."

"I actually need you too," Derek laughed as he lifted Dan onto his shoulder. "And not just in a dirty way."

"I know," Meredith nodded as she rested her head against his shoulder, gently rubbing Dan's back. "I love you so much, Derek."

"I love you too," he said, pressing his lips against the top of his son's head, inhaling the sweet baby scent. "Can he sleep with us tonight?"

"Derek…" Meredith sighed. "I know you like it, but I'm still not convinced that's actually safe."

"Please, Mer," Derek whispered. "I'm not sure that I'll actually sleep, but I just…I want him close to us."

"Okay," Meredith sighed unconvincingly. "But just…don't roll over and squish him."

"I won't roll over my own son," Derek rolled his eyes.

Meredith frowned as she looked closely at him. "Are you okay?" she whispered, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair. "You seem a little off."

"The dream just really shook me up," Derek sighed. "Maybe I'm used to being here with you and the kids and I'm not happy about being back at work…I'm not sure what. But I just really need my family close to me."

"Should I go get Katie?" Meredith asked, concern etching her features.

"I…do you think that she'd wake up?" Derek asked.

"She sleeps pretty soundly," Meredith said. "I think she'll be fine."

"She is your daughter," Derek laughed. "If she gets cranky just leave her, but…yeah, I'd like a family night."

"We'll meet you in there," Meredith whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek and Daniel's head as she moved towards the door. "Love you."

"We love you too," Derek sighed as he moved back into their bedroom, looking down at his son who had fallen asleep against his shoulder. "You get to sleep with Mommy and me tonight," he said softly. "Don't worry, we won't roll over you no matter what Mommy says."

"Here she is," Meredith whispered as she lowered their daughter onto the bed before climbing in herself, pulling a still sleeping Katie into her arms.

"Night princess," Derek whispered, reaching out to stroke her hair. "I love you."

"So do I," Meredith murmured. "And we both love you."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled as he smiled down at his family, all gathered in his arms. He wasn't sure what had been bringing on these nightmares recently, but he knew that if he had to stay awake all night, this was the way he wanted to do it.

"Sleep," Meredith ordered, as if reading his thoughts, and he smiled softly as he watched her drift off to sleep. His dream had been so real, so incredibly emotional that he had been sure that it was real life. But she was here, she was alive and breathing in his arms, and he was going to do everything he possibly could to make sure she stayed that way.


	43. Chapter 43

"Tee for Santa!" Katie giggled from Derek's arms as he carried her through the rows of trees at the farm.

"Which one do you like?" Derek laughed, glancing at Meredith as she cradled Dan close to her chest.

"All!" Katie cried. "Down!"

"I'm definitely not putting you down," Derek laughed. "Mommy and I would never see you again, and then we'd be very sad."

"Run," Katie frowned.

"No running," Derek said firmly, stopping in front of a tree. "What do we think of this one?"

"Down," Katie said, pushing at Derek's arms and trying to wiggle out of his arms. "Down, Daddy."

"Too empty," Meredith sighed.

"Hmm," Derek nodded, struggling to keep Katie in his arms as she pounded at his shoulders.

"This one's good," Meredith pointed.

"It's nearly nine feet," Derek said. "Our ceiling's only seven. We need one that will fit in there the right way."

"Good point."

"Down!" Katie screamed, kicking at Derek's ribs.

"Katie, you need to calm down," Meredith said firmly. "Remember what we said about behaving?"

"No!"

"Katherine Isobel."

"I run!"

"You're not going to run," Meredith sighed. "We're not at home, you can't just run wherever you want."

"Down," Katie said firmly, slapping at Derek's nose and kicking at his ribs. "Down, Daddy!"

"Katherine Isobel, if you don't calm down right now, we're going to get your stroller," Derek said firmly. "Do you want that?"

"No."

"Then calm down," Derek said. "Otherwise we're going to take you to stay with Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie and Mommy and I will pick out a tree without you. Do you want that?"

"No far."

"It's perfectly fair," Derek said. "What do you say? Are you going to help me and Mommy pick out a tree?"

Katie sighed as she turned away from Derek, her eyes lighting up as she pointed. "Tee!" she yelled. "Santa tee!"

"Which one do you like, Katie Bell?" Meredith asked, turning to follow her daughter's gaze.

"It's a nice one," Derek said, stopping in front of it and smiling as Katie reached for a branch. "Just the right height."

"Full enough branches."

"Healthy."

"Is this our tree?"

"What do you think, Katie?" Derek asked, looking down at her. "Do you like this Christmas tree?"

"Tee," she nodded firmly, reaching out to wrap her fist around a branch, frowning when she felt the prickle. "Ow!"

"Oh, princess, it's okay," Derek sighed, taking her hand in his as her eyes filled with tears. "Daddy should have warned you."

"No li tee," Katie whimpered, burying her face in Derek's neck and wrapping her arms around him.

"Oh, princess, all the trees are going to do that," Derek sighed. "That's why you have to be careful."

"Should we tag it?" Meredith asked, rubbing her gloved hand over Dan's back. "I don't want to keep him out here much longer."

"Yeah, I'll tag it and have them cut it down," Derek nodded. "You can bring them inside for hot chocolate while I help load it onto the car."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, watching as he wrapped the tag boasting the Shepherd name around a branch on the tree. "Ready?"

"Ready," Derek nodded, wrapping his free arm around her shoulders as they moved back to the front of the lot.

"That was a lot easier than I thought," she said.

"Just wait until they're old enough to fight about it," Derek laughed. "It will take days to find a tree."

"Did you fight with the girls every year?" Meredith asked curiously. "I can't imagine that."

"Think about what you just asked, Mer," Derek shook his head. "Those girls are evil. They would find out what I wanted and insist on the opposite just to make me miserable. And they always got their way because there were so damn many of them, and they wanted to get me."

"Language," Meredith said automatically, glancing at Katie who seemed to have missed his slip of tongue. "And they're not that bad."

"Because they've turned you into one of them," Derek sighed.

"I'm technically the only sister with the last name Shepherd," Meredith pointed out.

"And they all grew up with that name," Derek said. "It's the Grey in you that saves you."

"I never thought that being a Grey would be a good thing," Meredith said softly.

"It's definitely a good thing," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her capped head. "Can you get both of them?"

"Katie can walk," Meredith nodded. "As long as she holds my hand, do you hear that, Katherine?"

"Otherwise we'll leave you here to live in the trees," Derek said firmly. "I'll be right back."

"Just come get us when the car's ready," Meredith sighed as she walked slowly with Katie up the stairs to the small garden shop.

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, quickly moving to pull the car to the loading zone. The past few days had been a little bit better, his nightmares about losing Meredith still present, but every night was getting a little better. Dan was sleeping through the night most nights, and Meredith had been more than willing to distract him from his nightmares with sex, which he wasn't exactly complaining about.

When the tree was safely loaded on top of the car, Derek entered the store and smiled when he saw Meredith cradling Dan close to her chest, balancing Katie on her lap as she nibbled on a cookie. He would never tire of watching his wife care for their children, but right now he wanted to get them home so they could start decorating their house for Christmas.

"Hey," he said as he reached them and pulled Dan into his arms, smiling down at his son as he cuddled into his chest. "Ready to go?"

"Ready," Meredith nodded, picking Katie up and resting her on her hip. "The tree's loaded?"

"It's loaded," Derek nodded. "So now we can get home and decorate the house for our first family Christmas."

"We had a family last year," Meredith pointed out as she settled Katie into her car seat. "Remember, piglet?"

"Chismas," Katie nodded.

"I know, but we've got a whole new member of the family now," Derek said. "Dan's first Christmas."

"I can't believe that we've had two first Christmases in a row," Meredith sighed. "Just so you know, we're going back to being a c-o-n-d-o-m ad since we've started having s-e-x again."

"What?" Derek frowned. "Why?"

"Because there's no way you're getting me pregnant again before next Christmas," Meredith sighed as she settled into the front seat. "I'm not having three children under the age of three."

"Definitely not," Derek agreed. "It will be a few years before we get pregnant again."

"You want more?" Meredith asked, glancing at him as he backed out of the parking lot.

"I…" Derek frowned as he glanced at her quickly. "I always thought you wanted three."

"I do," Meredith sighed. "I'm just exhausted, Der. I don't know if I can handle three of them."

"We'll be more careful," Derek nodded. "And not for at least two years."

"Probably longer," Meredith said. "Especially if Katie keeps up with this little attitude of hers."

"She's probably just hitting the terrible twos early," Derek pointed out.

"I can't believe she's almost two," Meredith frowned as she looked at her now sleeping daughter. "I feel like she was just born."

"Remember when we found out?" Derek asked with a slight laugh. "When Mom told you you were pregnant…I don't think I've ever seen you so terrified in all the time I've known you."

"Well that was…not the best time for me to get pregnant," Meredith sighed. "But I don't want her to ever know that."

"She won't," Derek nodded. "And neither will Dan."

"Well, we're not exactly the best at planning when we want to have kids," Meredith said. "But…I love them a lot."

"I know you do," Derek smiled as he reached for her hand. "They're amazing kids."

"I hope they stay that way," Meredith whispered, reaching out to rub at her sniffling nose. "I don't want them to be dark and twisty like me."

"That's what makes you strong, remember?" Derek asked softly. "I love the dark and twisty."

"I know you do," Meredith sighed. "But it took me thirty three years to find someone who loved me, and I don't want them to feel like that."

"They won't," Derek shook his head. "No matter what happens they'll always know that we love them."

"I hope so."

"Mer, I grew up with an amazing mother," Derek said softly. "And as much as I complain about my sisters, I really did have a good family life. Or as good as I could have had with a murdered father."

"What are you trying to say?" Meredith asked softly, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand to comfort him.

"I'm just saying that I had parents who loved me unconditionally and I still ended up marrying a woman I didn't really love and spending twelve years of my life going through an act before I moved all the way across the country in the middle of the night and trying to forget about the love of my life for two years."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, looking down at her lap. "I…you're right."

"I hate what I did to you, Mer," Derek whispered softly. "From lying to you about Addison to pushing you away when I had my…crisis thing. But my point is that even with the best parents, people still have problems. We're going to do everything to make sure they're happy, but we can't solve all their problems."

"I know," Meredith said softly, letting go of his hand as she sneezed several times.

"You feeling okay?" Derek frowned as he turned to look at her, the car safely parked on the ferry boat.

"Just a little congested," Meredith sighed. "I was playing outside with Katie yesterday while Dan was napping, and I think being out in the cold again is just giving me a cold."

"Come here," Derek frowned, leaning forward to press his lips against her forehead, lingering a moment longer than necessary. "You feel a little warm."

"I'm fine," Meredith sighed as she leaned back into her seat.

"I'll take your temp when you get home," Derek nodded. "If you're sick you can't be around the kids."

"I'm their mother, Derek, they need me," Meredith snapped.

"They do need you," Derek said. "But they're more susceptible to getting sick, you know that. Especially Dan shouldn't be exposed to those germs."

"I know," Meredith sighed, sneezing again. "Maybe I'll just rest upstairs for the rest of today. Are you okay to watch them for the rest of the day?"

"Of course," Derek nodded. "We'll have fun."

"Can you wait?" Meredith whispered. "To set up the tree and decorate? I want to be there for them while we set up for Christmas."

"Of course," Derek nodded. "Maybe Katie and I will make you some Christmas cookies to make you feel better."

"As long as you participate more than Katie," Meredith giggled slightly.

"I need to start her out early," Derek laughed. "Make sure she gets my talents in the kitchen."

"Definitely," Meredith sighed as they pulled up in front of their house. "We're home."

"Home," Derek nodded as he opened the back door to his car. "How are we doing, Danny?"

Dan sighed as he curled into Derek's chest. "Don't worry, Daddy's going to change your diaper soon," he said. "Come here, Katie Bell."

"Mama," Katie frowned as she watched Meredith open the door for Derek.

"Mommy's not feeling well," Derek said as he moved towards the kitchen and placed Dan in his playpen. "We're going to have a special Daddy and Katie and Dan day."

"Mama," Katie frowned as Meredith pulled a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"It's okay, princess," Meredith sighed. "I love you, but I don't want to get you sick."

"Let me get your temperature," Derek sighed as he reached into the medicine cabinet for their thermometer. Meredith rolled her eyes as she opened her mouth, sitting down in a kitchen chair as she waited for the beep.

"103," Derek sighed as he looked down at it. "Bed. Now. Do you need anything?"

"Maybe some cold medicine," Meredith sighed. "And tissues."

"Consider it done," Derek nodded as he picked Katie up off of the floor and set her in the play pen beside Dan. "Sit tight, piglet, Daddy's going to settle Mommy in and then I'll come play, okay?"

"Daddy," Katie frowned as she looked up at him.

"Stay with them," Meredith sighed as she pulled herself to her feet and moved towards the hallway. "I'm fine."

"Are you hungry?" Derek asked as he stepped into the hall with her.

"No," Meredith sighed. "Just…where's your sweatshirt? The Bowdoin one?"

"In my closet," Derek nodded. "Clean and probably smelling like me. Which is…"

"Just the way I like it," Meredith smiled. "Thanks."

"It's my job," Derek smiled, leaning in to kiss her, frowning when she pulled away. "What was that for?"

"We can't both get sick," Meredith giggled slightly as she squeezed his hand. "But I love you."

"I love you too," Derek sighed, frowning as he watched her make her way slowly up the stairs. He took a deep breath as he moved back to the kitchen, smiling as he saw Katie laying on her stomach, babbling to Dan.

"Daddy!" she giggled as she looked at him. "Dan ov."

"What did Dan do?" Derek frowned, looking into the playpen. "Oh, Dan, good job buddy. Did you roll over all by yourself."

Dan cooed happily as he stared up at Derek, flashing a smile that was already similar to the McDreamy smile as he glanced between Katie and Derek.

"Don't worry, next time you do it we'll pretend it's the first time so Mommy won't feel left out," Derek laughed, lifting his son into his arms and pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I'm proud of you, bud."

"Daddy!" Katie frowned as she reached for him.

"I'm right here," Derek sighed. "Do you want to help Daddy cook?"

"No."

"Do you want to color?"

"No."

"How about a tea party?"

"No."

"Well, you're completely picky today," Derek sighed as he leaned down to pick her up. "Let's go play in the play room, okay?"

"Pay room?"

"Exactly," Derek nodded. "We'll color some pictures for Mommy to make her feel better." He sighed as he set his kids on the floor, hoping that Meredith would be better by bed time so they could spend some time with their mother. He knew that she would be sad to miss even such a small milestone in Dan's life, and the only thing that would make this moment more perfect was Meredith here beside him, giggling along with their daughter as she colored cheerfully and babbled to their son.


	44. Chapter 44

"Alright, bitch, it's time to get your lazy ass out of bed," a voice announced from the doorway to her bedroom.

Meredith groaned as she rolled over in bed, looking up from her fuzzy, cold medicine induced sleep. "What do you want?" she asked as her eyes landed on Elise standing on the side of her bed.

"You seriously need to get a life," Elise said. "And by the way, that husband of yours? Totally hot, but he's kind of an ass. I had to sneak up here while he was busy changing the diapers of one of those brats you call children."

"Don't talk about my family like that," Meredith groaned, burying her face in Derek's pillow. "And I'm sick."

"You used to drink off being sick," Elise frowned. "Remember junior year right after we turned twenty one? You had the flu but you knocked back more tequila than anyone I've ever seen before."

"Well, I'm not twenty one anymore," Meredith sighed. "What the hell is wrong with you? Sadie was the same way. We're not in college. I love my life, and I don't need to do tequila shots in order to be happy."

"You know that friend of yours, the fun one?" Elise asked. "She told me that you got knocked up on accident."

"So?" Meredith sighed, trying to ignore the pounding in her head as Elise hopped into bed beside her.

"So you don't need to stay," Elise shrugged. "I mean that husband of yours seems to have those kids wrapped around his finger, so we could just go. Back to Boston, and have fun like we used to. Come on, Mer, think about how fun it would be. Tequila shots every night, one night stands?"

"Okay, why the hell did you even come over?" Meredith frowned. "Because in case you haven't noticed, I love my life. I have an amazing husband and I love my children. And right now I'm totally sick and miserable so unless you have something to cheer me up, you can leave."

"Actually, I do," Elise nodded as she reached into her bag. "I brought Swedish Fish, medical journals, and Duran Duran tapes."

Meredith couldn't help but smile as she looked down at the memories of her college years. She had only seen Elise in short periods of time since she'd made her surprise appearance in Seattle, and even if she didn't understand the fact that Meredith had changed in the past fifteen years, it was fun to remember the time she'd spent in college, as long ago as it was.

"That's perfect," she found herself saying.

"So rumor has it that you've had quite the dramatic life since we parted ways," Elise stated. "Since when do we put our hands on bombs? Or jump into the water during ferry boat crashes?"

"I was trying to save the entire hospital from blowing up," Meredith sighed. Her head was pounding, and she really didn't want to explain the past four years of her life to her former college roommate.

"Right," Elise sighed, shoving some Swedish fish into her mouth as she examined Meredith closely. "You look happy."

"I'm in bed with the flu," Meredith stated. "I feel like my head's about to explode, I have a fever of 103, and my kids can't come near me. I'm not happy. I want to watch my kids get ready for Christmas."

"I didn't mean in this exact moment," Elise shook her head. "Because honestly, you look like hell. I meant with your life in general."

"Oh," Meredith said softly. "I am happy. With Derek and Katie and Dan…they're amazing."

"How did you become this girl?" Elise asked. "We were never going to be those girls with families and worrying about dirty diapers and preschool. Meredith, you worry more about Finding Nemo than tequila shots."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But…I don't know. I fell in love. I never thought I would, and it took me a hell of a long time to get here. But it's nice. Being in love, having a family, it's really nice. I don't regret it at all."

"I'm a little jealous," Elise admitted quietly. "I've been living like we did in college, partying it up, and sleeping with random men, and I thought that was enough. But now I'm completely jealous. I wish that I could fall in love like you did, because you seem so happy."

"It wasn't exactly easy," Meredith sighed as she reached for a tissue. "Derek and I…it took us two years to get to a place where we were really confident in our relationship, but it's been amazing since then. He's an amazing husband, and I honestly can't even imagine my life without him anymore."

"We used to laugh at those girls," Elise whispered. "Now you are one of those girls, and I'm sitting here wishing I was."

"We grew up," Meredith shrugged. "I think…I used to do that too. The one night stands and the tequila. But then I realized that that was just a distraction and I really wanted to be a normal person. So I worked hard to become a normal person. For Derek. And now for our kids."

Elise sighed as she stared at Meredith carefully. "And it's not completely terrifying?" she asked quietly. "The whole…being a mom thing? Because you're doing it, so it must not be too hard."

"It's completely terrifying," Meredith laughed slightly. "With Katie…we didn't mean to get pregnant. I mean we were already married, and we were planning on having kids, but not until we had a house and I had gotten further along in my residency, but…we had her. We almost didn't, but we did, and I was completely terrified. But it's been the most amazing experience of my life."

"Better than surgery?" Elise asked.

"Definitely," Meredith nodded firmly. "I love them so much, and I don't think I'll ever love anything more than them."

"Wow," Elise said as she leaned back into the pillows. "God, Meredith, this is so weird. I feel like I don't even know you anymore."

"Sometimes I feel like I don't know me," Meredith giggled, although it turned into a cough as she reached for the tissues again.

"So this is your life right now," Elise sighed. "Babies and husbands. And being a doctor."

"And I love my life," Meredith nodded. "What's with all of the questions? Are you getting married?"

"I guess I'm just trying to figure out how you got all of this," Elise whispered. "Because the truth is…I came out to Seattle because I got a divorce. I guess I'm looking at what you're doing right to figure out what I've done wrong, so maybe I can do it right next time."

"Oh," Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that you'd…that things hadn't worked out for you."

"It's okay," Elise sighed. "But I guess I came out here expecting to live like we did in college, because I never would have thought that you'd be married with kids. It's the last thing I would ever have imagined."

"Me either," Meredith giggled slightly. "But I am. And I love it. Being a mom…it's the best thing I've ever done."

"I'm glad you're happy," Elise said. "And I'm sorry if I've been mean or whatever. Especially to your husband. Because honestly…that's probably what I'm most jealous of."

Meredith giggled slightly. "Most women at the hospital are," she said. "Although if you all knew what an idiot he was you wouldn't be so jealous. He's a complete moron sometimes."

"I heard that," Derek's voice came from the doorway.

"Hey," Meredith sighed as she turned to look at him. "Are the kids okay? Did they get lunch?"

"They're fine," Derek nodded. "Both napping."

"Good," Meredith said as she leaned back into the pillows, closing her eyes briefly before coughing loudly.

"How are you feeling?" Derek frowned as he moved closer to her, pressing a lingering kiss to her forehead. "You're a little less warm."

"I'm feeling a little better," Meredith sighed. "Still congested and tired, but better than I was."

"Hopefully you'll feel better by tonight," Derek said. "Katie's pretty insistent on having Mommy there for dinner."

"I should be okay," Meredith nodded as she coughed loudly. "Just have to get rid of this cough."

"I'll get going," Elise said as she stood and reached for her bag. "You need to get your ass back to work, Mer. And as soon as you're not breast feeding any longer, we'll go out for drinks."

"I'd like that," Meredith smiled. "Thanks Elise. Sorry I'm not better company today. We should hang out soon."

"Totally understandable," Elise laughed. "And if I were you I would totally milk having a hot husband taking care of me."

"I plan to," Meredith giggled slightly before it turned into a cough and she reached for another tissue. "Bye."

"Bye Mer," Elise smiled. "Dr. Shepherd."

"Derek," he corrected her.

"Derek," she nodded, smiling at him as she moved out the door, the front door opening and closing a moment later.

"She wasn't supposed to come up here," Derek sighed as he moved to sit beside Meredith, his hand immediately moving to her forehead before he pressed his lips to the soft skin."

"It's fine," Meredith sighed as she leaned into him. "She…she's always been a little bit of a handful."

"So now I know where you got it from," Derek laughed. "Although I love my handful more than anything."

"Not funny," Meredith rolled her eyes. "How are the kids? Have they been giving you any trouble?"

"Dan's fine," Derek nodded. "He hasn't had any trouble switching over to formula, and he's sleeping for longer periods of time."

"I hate that I can't breastfeed him as long as Katie," Meredith frowned. "Do you think he's going to hate me?"

"Here's a little bit of medical advice," Derek said with a smirk. "When children grow up, they didn't remember if their mother breastfed them or not. It's not exactly what makes your relationship with him."

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes as she smacked him on the arm. "Breastfeeding enhances our bond."

"You're an amazing mother and you love him more than anything," Derek assured her, squeezing her close. "He'll love you, Mer."

"Good," Meredith sighed, leaning into his arms and closing her eyes, sighing in contentment.

"If you're going to worry about one of our children, you should worry about your daughter," Derek sighed as he rested his head on top of hers. "She's turning into a little devil."

"Why?" Meredith frowned, pulling out of his arms to stare at her. "Is she okay? Did I get her sick?"

"She's fine," Derek sighed. "She just…misses her mommy."

"What's wrong with her?" Meredith frowned.

"She's just throwing more temper tantrums than usual," Derek sighed. "I caught her halfway up the stairs this morning trying to come see you."

"She can't do stairs," Meredith said. "Why weren't you watching her?"

"I was, Mer," Derek sighed. "She's faster than we thought. I was changing Dan's diaper and then she was just…gone."

"I hate that I'm not there for her," Meredith sighed.

"It's not the same as it was with your mom," Derek shook his head. "You're protecting her. She can't get sick like you are, her immune system's not strong enough."

"Stupid doctor," Meredith muttered under her breath.

"You're a stupid doctor too," Derek laughed slightly as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"How's Katie going to handle it when I go back to work?" Meredith asked. "She's going to have to be apart from me for hours at a time. Hours, Derek."

"I know, but she has to get used to it eventually," Derek said. "They'll be in the daycare at the hospital so you can go see them whenever you have a few minutes. And she'll be fine. You don't want our kids to be the kind of kids who follow us around all the time and scream bloody murder when we drop them off at school or go into surgery?"

"No," Meredith whispered, burying her face in his shirt. "But I'm a good mom, right?"

"You're an amazing mom," Derek nodded. "I couldn't imagine a better mother for my babies."

"Good," Meredith sighed. "Did you set up the living room for Christmas?"

"Of course not," Derek shook his head. "We had to wait for Mommy."

"Derek, Christmas is six days away."

"I know, and you'll be fine by tomorrow," Derek nodded. "We'll decorate then."

"You mean when I'm out of quarantine?" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I didn't want to quarantine you," Derek laughed softly. "But it's best for the kids."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "Is it completely pathetic that I miss them?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "When I woke up, I didn't even know that I'd missed so much, and yet I missed both of you desperately."

"Good," Meredith said. She was silent for a moment, playing with his fingers gently before she turned to look up at him. "Derek, you love me right?"

Derek frowned as he squeezed her hand tightly. "Of course," he said. "What kind of question is that?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "I just…I love you too. A lot. But Elise and I were the same person ten years ago, and now she's divorced. I don't want that to happen to us."

"Never," Derek shook his head firmly. "Where is this coming from? You haven't freaked out about us in years."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "Maybe it's being sick and my brain's working in overdrive, I don't know. But I can't lose this, Derek."

"You won't," Derek shook his head firmly. "It's not an option."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "I've been thinking."

"Thinking?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Don't even say it," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I was thinking that if no one else dies and if you're not in a coma, we should try to have our wedding soon."

Derek laughed as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I wonder why normal people don't have this much trouble planning a wedding," he said.

"Normal people don't stick their hands on bombs or throw engagement rings into the woods with a baseball bat," Meredith giggled slightly.

"Good point," Derek laughed. "We've never done anything the way normal people do."

"And we're just as happy as all of them," Meredith nodded. "Plus we have the most perfect children in the world."

"We do," Derek said. "And I think we're probably happier than a lot of other people."

Meredith smiled against his shoulder. "I hope so," she said. "Were your parents happy like this?"

Derek inhaled deeply as he looked up at the ceiling, his fingers moving through her hair. "I think so," he said. "I was only seven, but from what I remember and from the way my mom talks…I like to think that they loved each other as much as we do."

"Your mom never got married again," Meredith said softly.

"She was working full time and raising five kids," Derek said. "And Mark. I'm sure that dating was the last thing on her mind. But when Caitlin went to college, we all tried to encourage her to date, find someone to be with so that she wouldn't be alone in our house, but…I guess she had no interest."

"I wouldn't," Meredith whispered. "I don't think I could even if I wanted to."

"Me either," Derek sighed. "It's a good thing that we're going to grow old together."

"Yeah," Meredith sighed as she looked up at him again. "Your mom says you're a lot like him."

"My dad?"

"Yeah."

"I'd hope so," Derek said. "He was an amazing man, and even though I don't really remember him, I want to be the kind of husband and father that he was."

"Well, you're exceeding in both," Meredith smiled as she leaned up to kiss him. "So I would say that you're doing well."

"Good," Derek smiled. "You tired?"

"A little," Meredith sighed as she sank into the pillows. "Stay here until one of the kids wakes up?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded as he moved to spoon her. "I love you, Meredith. Don't ever doubt that."

"I won't if you don't doubt how much I love you," Meredith whispered.

"Never," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, snuggling up to her back before a loud cry came over the baby monitor. "I'll get her," he sighed.

"Tell her I love her," Meredith sighed as she pulled herself out of his arms. "Dan too."

"Of course," Derek nodded. "I'll come check on you in a little bit, okay?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded, her eyes already falling shut, suddenly feeling cold as Derek slid out of bed. She hated that she was sick, she hated that she was missing the excitement of the days leading up to her son's first Christmas, but hopefully she would be better by that night so she could see her children.


	45. Chapter 45

"Mommy!" Katie screamed, kicking her legs widely at Derek's ribs as he struggled to put her in her highchair. "No Daddy!"

"Well, as glad as I am to know how much you love me, Mommy's still sleeping," Derek sighed as he finally managed to snap her in. "She's still sick, sweetheart. Maybe she'll feel better later today."

"Want Mommy."

"I know, I want Mommy to be better too," Derek sighed as he placed a sippy cup of milk on her tray. "Hopefully she'll feel better when she wakes up so you can turn back into the angel that I know is buried somewhere deep down inside of you, even if you have been acting like a little devil lately."

Katie sighed as she turned to look at Dan where he was laying in the playpen, looking up at her with wide eyes. "Dan?"

"He misses Mommy too," Derek sighed as he placed a bowl of cheerios in front of her. "Are you going to make a mess?"

"No," Katie promised as she smashed her hand into the bowl, sending cheerios flying all over the kitchen.

"I don't know why I bother," Derek sighed. "Do you want Daddy to feed you or can you do it yourself?"

"No Daddy," she said firmly. "Mommy."

"Well, at least I know where I stand," Derek sighed as he poured the formula that was heating on the stove into a bottle. "You love me at least, right bud? Us Shepherd men have to stick together."

Dan sighed Derek picked him up, settling into a kitchen chair and offering his son the bottle. As Dan began to suck hungrily, Katie continued to shove the cheerios into her mouth, babbling eagerly. "Mommy!" she suddenly shouted. "Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"

"Katherine Isobel, I told you Mommy's not feeling…Mer! I didn't think you were awake yet."

"Hi," Meredith giggled as she stepped closer to him. "I'm no longer congested. Can I have your approval to have contact with my children?"

"Come here," Derek laughed, untangling one hand from his son to press it against Meredith's forehead. "Completely cool."

"Good," Meredith nodded as she leaned down to press a kiss to the top of Dan's head. "Hi sweetheart."

"Mommy!" Katie shouted, banging her sippy cup against her tray. "Mommy! Mommy, Mommy!"

"Of course I didn't forget about you, princess," Meredith smiled as she moved to her highchair and pulled her daughter into her arms and holding her close. "Are you making a mess with your breakfast?"

"Mommy," Katie sighed as she nuzzled Meredith's neck, her arms wrapping around her neck.

"Oh, Katie, I missed you too," Meredith sighed as she kissed her daughter's dark curls. "But I love you. I promise, I was only trying to keep you safe and healthy. But I did miss you."

"I'm glad you're feeling better," Derek sighed as he placed Dan's bottle on the table and shifted the baby to his shoulder, gently patting his back. "And I'm pretty sure that our daughter hates me."

"She doesn't hate you," Meredith giggled. "She's just…well, maybe she loves me more. But she doesn't hate you."

"Thanks Mer," Derek laughed. "Was that supposed to make me feel better? Because it didn't work."

"Sorry, it was the best I could come up with," Meredith giggled. "Are you still hungry, piglet?"

"Mommy play," Katie giggled.

"Are Dan and Daddy allowed to play with us too?" Meredith asked her daughter seriously.

Katie sighed dramatically as she lifted her head off of Meredith's shoulder to examine her father and brother closely. She bit her lower lip in a way that was so completely Meredith that he couldn't believe it. After a long moment, Katie said, "Daddy."

"Daddy?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"No baby."

"Katie, you remember what we said about sharing your time with Dan," Meredith said sternly."

"Boring," Katie frowned.

Meredith glanced at Derek for a moment before she turned her attention back to Katie. "Well, we're either going to play as a family or not at all," she shrugged. "It's your decision."

Katie frowned as she struggled out of Meredith's arms. "Down," she ordered. "No play baby."

"Are you having a tantrum?" Meredith raised her eyebrow. "Because I seem to recall that we're going to have a special visitor in a few days. What's his name again, I think I forgot…"

"Santa!" Katie cried, her tantrum quickly fading.

"That's right, and does Santa come for little girls who throw tantrums?" Meredith asked.

Katie sighed as she looked down at the floor. "Play?" she asked. "With Dan?"

"Good girl," Meredith said as she turned to Derek. "Is he doing okay?"

"He's fine," Derek nodded. "Let's have some playtime."

Meredith smiled as she stepped closer to him, pressing a kiss to the top of Dan's head. "We could decorate," she said. "For Christmas."

"You hate Christmas," Derek frowned.

"I used to hate Christmas," Meredith sighed. "But…well, it's kind of hard to be a Shepherd and hate Christmas."

"That's my girl," Derek laughed as he stood, Dan resting safely against his shoulder. "What first?"

"Tree," Meredith nodded. "We'll have to put the kids in the play pen so they're out of the way, but then we can let them help with the mantel and the garland for the stairs."

"Sounds perfect," Derek said softly. "What do you say, Katie bell? Will you play with your brother while your mommy and I put up the Christmas tree?"

"Tree for Santa?" Katie asked with wide eyes.

"Tree for Santa," Derek nodded. "And you have a very important job."

"Job?" Katie asked.

"You have to make sure your brother is okay," Derek said as he leaned down to rest Dan in the play pen. "And make sure your mother and I know if something's wrong."

"Kay," Katie nodded seriously as Meredith pressed a kiss to the top of her head and placed her in the play pen beside Dan.

"Ready?" Derek asked as he turned to Meredith.

"Ready," she nodded as she moved towards the porch where the tree was still laying. "The stand's up?"

"In the corner of the living room," Derek nodded. "I can get it, just make sure that you get the door. And make sure that the top of the tree gets through the door."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, stepping back as she watched Derek struggled to pick the tree up. "You got it?"

"Fine," Derek grunted as he lifted the tree. "Just…help me get it through the door."

"I'm trying," Meredith snapped as he stepped through the door and she tried to lower the tree to get through the doorway.

"Well, try not to break my back while you're doing it," Derek said.

"It's too tall."

"It's not too tall, just get it through the damn doorway," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Got it," Meredith finally said as she shoved the tree through the doorway.

"Good," Derek sighed as he made his way into the living room. "Help me guide it into the stand."

"How does it work?" Meredith frowned as she knelt at the ground where the stand was set up.

"You stick the trunk in the stand and then snap it on," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Okay, move it to the left," Meredith said. "No…the right. Okay, good…um…how does the whole snapping thing work?"

"Meredith, I can't hold the tree and snap it in at the same time," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Don't yell at me, I've never done this before," Meredith snapped. "Not all of us grew up in a Hallmark card."

"Fine, hold the tree," Derek said. "Make sure you don't move it."

Meredith rolled her eyes as she stood, wrapping her arms around the large tree as Derek knelt under the tree to snap it into place. "It's tilted," she observed as she stepped back to look at his work.

"Damn it," Derek sighed. "Hold the tree again."

After three more tries, the tree was successfully set up, and Derek sighed as he placed the watering can down beside the now perfectly aligned tree.

"It's perfect," Meredith sighed as she leaned into her husband's arms.

"It is," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry for snapping."

"It's okay," Meredith giggled slightly. "According to Lexie, every normal couple has a fight when they put up the Christmas tree."

"Mark said that she yelled at him when he told her he couldn't help, but then she threw up for an hour afterwards," Derek laughed.

"Well that's what she gets for trying to lift a Christmas tree when she's pregnant," Meredith smiled as she moved to lift Dan out of the play pen. "Katie's asleep."

"All those tantrums probably exhaust her," Derek sighed.

"Has she been acting like that all week?" Meredith frowned.

"Pretty much," Derek said. "I don't…I'm trying to be a good father, but I'm not sure how to handle this, Mer."

"Me either," Meredith sighed. "She's always been pretty ahead in her development, she's probably hitting the terrible twos early."

"And as soon as she's done, Dan will start," Derek laughed. "We'll be busy for the next few years."

Meredith nodded as she cradled her sleeping son close to her. "She's happy, right?" she whispered. "Even if she's throwing tantrums, she's happy?"

"Completely," Derek nodded. "She just has to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her."

"Well, hopefully she'll learn that lesson before her daddy did," Meredith giggled. "You're almost forty five and you still haven't learned that."

"I know that the whole world doesn't revolve around me," Derek laughed. "But yours does. And I'm not almost forty five. I'm forty two."

"Whatever," Meredith sighed. "Ornaments?"

"In the office for now," Derek said. "I brought them down from the attic last night."

"Well go get them," Meredith said. "And make sure you get the one from Lexie about Dan's first Christmas."

"I think that one's in the playroom," Derek said. "Katie wanted to play with it."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "We can put the ornaments on and wait until she wakes up to do the stockings."

"Sure," Derek said. "I'll go grab them."

"Thanks," Meredith said as she bounced Dan up and down slightly. "Ready for your first Christmas, Danny boy? I'm sure your sister has told you all about how excited she is for Christmas, even if this is only her second one."

Dan smiled as he grabbed for Meredith's hair, tugging on it gently as he looked up at her with the same smile she had seen her husband flash at her a million times before. "You really are a mini McDreamy, aren't you?" she sighed. "Don't tell your daddy I said this, but it's a really good thing, because he's an amazing man. And hopefully you'll be smarter than him."

"I heard that," Derek laughed as he came back into the living room with their single box of Christmas tree ornaments.

"Well, you can't say that you want Dan to hide a wife from the love of his life," Meredith pointed out from the couch.

Derek frowned at her for a moment before he nodded. "Point taken," he said before he looked down at his son. "Never get married until you're absolutely sure that you can't live without her."

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You do realize that we won't have to deal with that for like…thirty years?"

"I got married when I was twenty five," Derek argued.

"And that worked out so well," Meredith giggled. "I was thirty three."

"I'm very glad you waited until you were thirty three," Derek laughed. "Although I would have married you well before that."

"Right," Meredith sighed as she looked down at their now sleeping baby. "Have you heard from Addison?" Derek didn't speak to his ex-wife on a regular basis, but they exchanged phone calls every once in awhile, and they usually communicated at least once during the holiday season.

"Not recently," Derek sighed. "She called after Dan was born, but that was the last time."

"Hmm," Meredith nodded. "You should call her."

Derek looked up from his box of ornaments for a moment before he moved to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her. "What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked, brushing some hair out of her eyes.

"Nothing," Meredith shrugged. "I just…I feel bad for her sometimes."

"Addison?" Derek frowned. "Why?"

"Because," Meredith said. "I know what it's like to watch you live with someone else. And it's not easy."

"Meredith, you know that I'm a million times happier with you than I was with her," Derek said softly.

"I know," Meredith nodded. "And I'm so glad for that. But I think it must be hard for her to know that."

"Addison's apart of my past," Derek said. "She's an friend, and I have some good memories with her. But that's it."

"You don't need to reassure me, Derek," Meredith giggled slightly. "I just think it's probably hard for her to know that she wasn't able to make you happy, with the house and the kids…I felt that way for a long time, and it sucked. So I feel bad for her. Except not that bad because we have beautiful kids and an amazing house."

"Good," Derek said as he leaned his forehead against hers. "And I was thinking."

"Thinking?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"That this house still feels a little empty."

"You are not getting me pregnant for at least another two years, Derek Christopher Shepherd," Meredith warned.

"Not a baby," Derek laughed. "Although we're definitely having more kids. I was thinking a dog."

"A dog," Meredith repeated.

"A puppy to be exact," Derek said. "To put under the tree for Katie on Wednesday morning."

Meredith bit her lower lip for a moment as she looked at him closely. "We had Doc," she nodded.

"We did," Derek nodded. "And we loved him. Even if we never really owned him together."

Meredith smiled softly. "I loved those mornings," she said softly. "When Addison was working early and I would come over to walk him with you…those were what kept me going."

"Me too," Derek sighed as he examined her closely. He'd realized a long time ago that during that horrible few months when he'd been with Addison that Meredith was more than just the woman he loved; she was his best friend. During those long walks in the woods on their days off, he had found himself confessing things to her that he'd never told anyone else, even his wife.

"Let's get a dog," Meredith smiled. "Although hopefully one that's better behaved than Doc was."

"He really was a bad dog," Derek laughed. "But…he kept us together during those few months."

"He did," Meredith smiled softly. "Or until he brought Finn into the picture."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I'll still never understand what you saw in that jackass," he said.

"Finn wasn't a bad guy, he just…wasn't you," Meredith shrugged. "I felt really bad for hurting him."

"I don't care how bad you feel, our new dog is going to a different vet," Derek said firmly.

"I think that's probably a good idea," Meredith giggled as she trailed her finger down Dan's cheek. "You might suffocate him with all the bragging about being married to me and having perfect babies with me."

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds kind of appealing," Derek laughed.

"You're such an idiot," Meredith sighed as she leaned in to kiss him. "But I love you, Derek Shepherd."


	46. Chapter 46

"Meredith."

"Go way," she moaned, swatting at the breath that was tickling her ear as her husband leaned over her.

"Wake up," Derek laughed slightly, a hand sneaking around her waist to pull her closer to his developing erection.

"No."

"Yes."

"Sleep."

"Awake."

"Awake is stupid."

"Meredith," Derek laughed as he shifted her onto her back and settled himself on top of her. "Merry Christmas."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her arms opening as she met her husband's soft gaze, her fingers moving to run lazily through his messy, sleep tangled hair. "Merry Christmas, Der."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"And you know…the kids probably won't be up for a half hour or so," Derek said, his hips moving slowly against hers.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "What do you suggest we do with our time?"

"I have some ideas," Derek smirked, leaning in to nibble gently on her neck as his hips still moved over hers.

"I want to hear about these ideas," Meredith giggled slightly. "They better be good, since you woke me up."

"Christmas sex," Derek murmured, his lips trailing over the top of the tank top she'd worn to bed.

"Hmmm, I love Christmas sex," Meredith sighed. "Although…we've never actually had Christmas sex, but I'm pretty sure I love it, because I love sex with you, and I kind of like Christmas now, so sex would be good."

"The rambling's adorable," Derek laughed slightly as he sucked at the skin on her stomach. "But not when I'm trying to sex you."

"Sorry," Meredith sighed as his lips moved over the top of her pants. "No more rambling."

"You can still talk," Derek said as he tugged at the bottom of her shirt. "As long as it's screaming my name."

"Make me," Meredith challenged, her back arching off the bed as his lips closed around her nipple.

"Mommy!" Katie's voice shouted over the baby monitor. "Daddy! Cmas, Santa, presents!"

"Damn it," Derek sighed, collapsing on top of Meredith for a moment, resting his head on the pillow beside her.

"Derek," Meredith sighed as she pushed him off of her. "We have to have Christmas morning."

"Dan's not awake yet," he sighed. "She can just…wait for a few minutes. She won't even know."

"I'm going to blame that comment on the fact that you're not thinking with your brain," Meredith said as she slid out of bed and reached for Derek's Columbia sweatshirt. "I'll get her. Come meet us when you're more…comfortable."

"Thanks," Derek rolled his eyes as he leaned into the pillows, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down.

"Mommy!" Katie smiled as Meredith walked into her bedroom, smiling at Katie who was bouncing in bed.

"Good morning sweetheart," Meredith laughed as she lowered the safety bar from the bed and scooped her daughter into her arms. "Merry Christmas. Are you ready for your presents from Santa?"

"Presents?"

"Yes, we'll get presents," Meredith laughed. "We just have to wait for Dan to wake up."

"Now," Katie said firmly.

"We'll wake him up in a few minutes," Meredith nodded. "How about some cuddle time before presents?"

"Mommy cuddle?"

"Do you want to cuddle with Daddy too?" Meredith asked as she shifted her daughter onto her hip.

"Daddy!" Katie's eyes lit up.

"Alright, let's go see if he's feeling better," Meredith laughed as she walked back into her bedroom.

"Daddy!" Katie cried as she saw Derek pulling his robe on.

"Morning princess," Derek laughed as he pulled her into his arms. "Merry Christmas."

"Santa," Katie said as she squirmed in his arms.

"Santa was here," Derek nodded, settling back onto the bed with Katie still in his arms. "And he asked that you wait for your brother to wake up to open his presents."

"Mommy cuddle?" Katie asked, lifting her head from Derek's shoulder to look at Meredith.

"I'm coming, piglet," Meredith smiled as she crawled back into bed, resting a hand on Katie's back. "Thank you for being patient."

"Cmas," Katie said eagerly. "Mer Chmas, Mommy."

"You too, Katie bell," Meredith smiled as she pressed a kiss to the top of Katie's dark curls.

"What do you want most from Santa?" Derek asked as his fingers ran through their daughter's hair.

"Sister," Katie said.

"You asked Santa for a sister?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Have brudda," Katie nodded. "Need sister."

"You'll get a sister," Derek said. "Or another brother. But not for a long time."

"Santa no bring sister?" Katie frowned.

"Not this year," Meredith said. "Maybe in a few years."

Katie sighed as she settled back down between her parents. "Why no sister?"

Meredith giggled slightly at Derek's paling face, but before either one of them could say anything else, Dan's soft whimpers echoed through the baby monitor.

"I'll get him," Derek said quickly, bolting out of bed towards the door.

"Your daddy's so silly," Meredith giggled. "I can't wait to see his reaction in ten years when I have to explain the birds and the bees to you."

"Birdy?" Katie asked as she giggled with her mother.

"I'll explain when you're older," Meredith nodded as she moved out of bed and pulled Katie onto her hips. "Ready for Christmas?"

"Santa!" Katie giggled.

"Can you grab him?" Derek asked as he met her at the top of the stairs, Dan in his arms. "I need to make sure Santa set everything up right."

"Of course," Meredith said as Derek carefully shifted their son into his arms. "Morning, Dan."

"Give me two minutes," Derek said as he moved quickly down the stairs.

"I wonder what Santa has for us," Meredith sighed as she leaned against the wall. "You're getting pretty big, princess."

"Big girl!" Katie nodded firmly.

"You are," Meredith nodded. "We need to keep working on using the big girl potty."

"No more diapers," Katie said. "Diapers for babies."

"That's right," Meredith said. "We'll get you out of diapers for good soon."

"Alright, who's ready for Santa?" Derek called from downstairs.

"Ready, guys?" Meredith said as she made her way down the stairs, setting Katie on the ground when they reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Santa!" Katie cried as she ran towards Derek who stood at the door of the living room. "Presents!"

"Alright, Katie bell, are you ready?" Derek smiled as he scooped her into his arms, smiling at Meredith over the top of her head.

"Present!" Katie shouted.

Meredith watched Katie's expression carefully as they stepped into the living room, her heart soaring when she saw the look of complete excitement on her daughter's face as she saw the tiny wriggling black lab sitting in a dog crate under the tree.

"Puppy," Katie breathed, her eyes wide.

"Santa felt bad that you weren't going to get a sister," Derek said as he knelt to the ground, Katie still in his arms as he opened the crate and pulled the puppy out. "So he got you a puppy instead."

Katie giggled loudly as the dog licked her face eagerly, sniffing his new owners earnestly. "Girl puppy?"

"It's a boy," Derek nodded. "And he's waiting for you to name him."

"Lucky," Katie said as she reached out to grab the puppy's fur.

"Make sure you're gentle with him," Meredith warned, lowering herself to the ground beside them. "You have to pet him gently like this."

Katie watched Meredith stroke the puppy's fur, copying her mother's movement as she looked at Derek. "Lucky puppy?"

"He is a very lucky puppy," Derek nodded. "He's going to have a wonderful home."

"No," Katie sighed, rolling her eyes just like Meredith. "Puppy named Lucky."

"Oh," Derek laughed. "If that's what you want to name him, piglet."

"Lucky," Katie nodded firmly.

"Okay," Derek smiled as he leaned down to pull the puppy into his arms. "Now do you want to see what else Santa left for you?"

"Lucky," Katie frowned as she tried to pry Derek's hands off of the wiggling puppy.

"Excuse me?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Puppy," Katie said, banging at Derek's arms.

"Katherine Isobel Shepherd, is this how we ask for something we want?" Derek asked.

"No," Katie sighed.

"Good," Derek said. "Now how do you ask?"

"Puppy please?" Katie asked as she looked up at him.

"Good girl," Derek said as he placed the puppy on the floor again, laughing slightly as he watched Katie try to run after Lucky as he bounded across the living room.

"I don't think she's even going to realize that there are other things under the tree for her," Meredith giggled slightly as Derek moved to place the baby gate firmly in the doorway.

"She will eventually," Derek nodded. "Last year all she cared about was the wrapping paper."

"True," Meredith smiled as she reached for a present. "Here we go, Danny boy. Your very first Christmas present from Santa."

"Let me get the camera," Derek said, grabbing it off of the TV stand and snapping a picture of Meredith and Dan as she gently pulled the paper off of the present.

"Look at that," Derek smiled. "A brand new t-shirt."

"Santa must have known that your daddy can't wait to take you fishing," Meredith smiled as she held up the tiny t-shirt with one hand, shaking her head at the writing. "I'll be at the fishing hole."

"Santa's intuitive like that," Derek nodded.

"Or you're just completely insane," Meredith giggled, setting the t-shirt on the coffee table.

"I don't think so," Derek shook his head. "Would a completely insane man get you this?"

Meredith smiled slightly as she took the box, looking down at it for a moment before she shifted Dan into Derek's arms. "Thank you," she whispered as she slowly tore the paper off of the box.

"You haven't even opened it," Derek laughed as he bounced Dan in his arms.

"Oh," Meredith breathed as she opened the jewelry box and pulled out a silver watch. "Derek, it's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it," Derek sighed. "Because you, Meredith Elizabeth Shepherd, are one hard woman to shop for."

"Sorry," Meredith giggled, hooking the watch on her wrist and leaning forward to kiss him. "Here's yours."

Derek smiled as he watched her push a rectangular box towards him. "Let me put him in the play pen," he said as he stood.

"Katie, don't pull on Lucky's tail," Meredith warned as she watched her daughter roll around on the floor with the puppy. "He might bite you if he doesn't like it."

"He won't bite her," Derek rolled his eyes as he sat down in front of her again.

"You don't actually know that," Meredith said. "And we're going to be busy training him."

"We're going to want to get him housetrained as soon as possible," Derek said.

"We don't have to talk about that now," Meredith smiled, pushing his present back towards him again. "Presents."

"Presents," Derek nodded as he pulled the paper off to reveal a tackle box. "Oh Mer, it's perfect."

"I felt bad that you haven't been fishing in like…two years," Meredith sighed. "So you deserve the best tackle box I could find. Or at least Mark said this was the best one, and I know that he's kind of an idiot sometimes, but he knows more about this stuff than I do, so I trusted him."

"It's amazing," Derek nodded, leaning forward to kiss her softly. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith smiled as she leaned into his arms. "What time are Mark and Lexie coming over?"

"They're opening presents with Molly and her…your…Thatcher," Derek frowned. "And they'll be here for a late lunch."

"Mark's going to be in heaven with Lucky," Meredith giggled.

"He's already mad that Lexie said they have to wait until the baby's at least a year old to get a dog," Derek laughed.

"Poor Mark."

"He's just mad because that's one more thing that I've had before him," Derek rolled his eyes.

"You two have the strangest relationship," Meredith smiled. "You know that you're actually brothers now?"

"Mark's always been my brother," Derek sighed. "But…I never actually thought that we would marry sisters."

"Well, you did," Meredith smiled, jumping out of his arms as Lucky charged at Katie and knocked her to the ground. "Katie, are you okay?"

"Mommy!" Katie whimpered, tears filling her eyes as she reached out for her mother.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Meredith frowned, holding Katie in her lap, looking closely in her eyes and running her hands over her body.

"Daddy," Katie cried as Derek rushed to kneel beside them.

"She looks okay," Meredith nodded, resting her chin on the top of Katie's head. "Just a little upset."

"Oh, princess, you're so brave," Derek said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. "Do you want to look at the rest of the presents under the tree?"

"Yeah," Katie nodded, tears still filling her eyes.

"Alright, I'll get Dan and then we can open the rest of the presents as a family," Derek said. "And you, Mr. Lucky, need to learn to be a little more careful around the kids."

Lucky only barked in response before he looked at Meredith carefully, settling on his stomach beside her. "Good boy," Meredith murmured as Derek sat down on her other side, Dan resting on his shoulder.

"Presents?" Katie asked as Derek handed her a present wrapped with Disney Princess paper.

"All for you," Meredith smiled as she let Katie climb out of her lap to explore the piles of presents beneath the tree.

"Merry Christmas, Mer," Derek murmured as he wrapped an arm around her.

"Merry Christmas," Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over Dan's thick hair. "And you too, baby."

Dan giggled as he reached out to Meredith, his father's smile duplicating his as they watched Katie climb over her presents. As she sat with her family beneath the Christmas tree, their new puppy at her feet, she felt that she finally understood the meaning of Christmas.


	47. Chapter 47

Meredith stared up at the ceiling, her fingers tapping nervously against her wrist as she waited for the alarm clock to go off. Today was the day, the day she was going back to work after months of being off.

She could barely even remember the time she'd been really able to focus on being a doctor. It had been almost a year and then her husband had gotten hit by that stupid drunk driver, and she had been pregnant and had a new baby in the house, so it had been a long time since she had been a doctor.

But now she was going to be a doctor again, and she was completely terrified. The kids were going to the daycare center at the hospital, and she knew that Katie was going to have problems with it. So she had to worry about her daughter forcing the entire day care staff to quit in addition to remembering how to be a surgeon, and she wasn't sure she could do it.

"Stop stressing."

Meredith turned to look at her husband who was lying on his side facing her, his eyes still tightly shut. "Okay, how did you do that?" she asked. "I didn't even think you were awake."

"I know you," Derek replied, still not moving. "You're worried about sending the kids to day care and about how you're going to be a surgeon again, and you need to stop. It's going to work fine."

"I haven't scrubbed in in six months," Meredith sighed. "And you know that Katie's going to completely flip out when we leave her in day care. Dan's never been apart from me except for when I was sick, but he had you. He's only three and half months old, and he's so small."

"And completely happy," Derek sighed. "Mer, everything is going to be completely fine. You'll see."

"You don't actually know that," Meredith pointed out. "They could like…burn down the hospital or something."

"I do know that," Derek said, finally opening his eyes and looking at her closely. "They'll be completely fine."

"How?" Meredith demanded. "How do you know that it's going to be fine? Because it could be horrible."

"Because our kids are strong," Derek said. "Like their mom. And even though they might be a little scared and confused on the first day, they're going to love day care. There are tons of other kids there, and they have plenty of toys and some of the best child care providers in Seattle."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "Rationally, I know that. But…they're my kids, and I'm going to worry about them no matter what."

"I know," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms and kissing the top of her head. "I worry too. But we can visit them whenever we have a free minute. Even bring them up to my office."

"I'm so far behind," Meredith whispered. "I was almost done with my fellowship, but now I'm not sure that I even remember how to scrub in. What if I kill someone because I can't remember?"

"You'll remember," Derek assured her. "You're a great surgeon, Mer. And I got us a good surgery for today, so you'll have me there."

"I do not need my husband to hold my hand," Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's not the first day of school."

"I know you don't," Derek laughed. "But considering that it's your surgery, I thought it would be a good one for your first surgery back."

"My surgery?" Meredith frowned.

"The trial," Derek smiled. "Although it's not really a trial anymore, but…it's still our surgery."

"The Shepherd Method," Meredith giggled, glancing at her dresser where her kidney in a jar still sat.

"The Shepherd Method," Derek nodded. "I told you we didn't need to change it to the Shepherd Grey Method."

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes as she leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Derek smiled against her lips. "I love you. And you can do this. I promise."

"I love you too," she sighed as she heard a loud cry come over the baby monitor. "I'll get him."

"Should I wake up the sleeping princess?" Derek asked. "Or do you want to let her sleep a little longer?"

Meredith glanced at the clock. "We've got to leave in an hour, so yeah, wake her," she said. "Try and get her into a good mood."

"I'll try," Derek sighed as he moved out of the room, pulling his bathrobe on and heading towards Katie's room.

Meredith smiled as she stepped into the nursery, giggling as she saw her baby boy lying on his back, kicking his legs furiously in the air. "Hi Danny boy," she smiled as she leaned over to pull him into his arms. "Did you sleep well? Mommy's here to get you all changed and dressed. We have a big day today, you're going to daycare for the first time. And I know that sounds a little scary, but it's completely fine. Mommy and Daddy will be right upstairs all day, and we'll come visit you a lot. And Katie will be there too, so your big sister will watch out for you. I know it might seem like we're abandoning you, but we're not. Daddy and I love you so much, Dan, and I promise that every time I have a minute I'm going to come play with you, okay? You don't have to be scared, I promise."

Dan grinned up at her as he stuck his fist in his mouth, sucking eagerly as Meredith slid socks and shoes onto her feet.

"There you go, sweetheart," Meredith sighed as she lifted him to rest on her hip. "So handsome for his first day at day care. Those girl babies better watch out, because you've already got the McDreamy thing down."

"Mommy!" Katie's voice exclaimed as she ran into the nursery, her shirt on backwards and her hair a complete mess. "Hi Mommy!"

"Hi piglet," Meredith smiled. "Did Daddy put your shirt on wrong? Or are you trying to dress yourself now?"

"Well, if she had sat still she would have gotten her shirt on straight," Derek sighed as he walked into the room, Katie's hairbrush in his hands. "Apparently day care is very excited."

"Are you excited to go to day care, Katie bell?" Meredith asked as she looked down at her daughter.

"Yeah," Katie nodded eagerly.

"Good," Meredith smiled, meeting Derek's gaze. Even though their daughter couldn't remember the time she'd spent in the hospital day care months before, it made Meredith feel better that Katie at least had a positive attitude about day care. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as she thought.

"Go?" Katie asked as she looked up at Meredith, then Derek with wide, hopeful and excited eyes.

"In a few minutes, Katie," Derek sighed. "We have to get your shirt on straight and have breakfast. And Mommy and Daddy have to get dressed, then we can get you into day care."

Katie sighed as she plopped down on the floor, reaching for a book off of Dan's bookshelf. "Read."

"You can read," Derek nodded as he scooped her into his arms. "How about you come read in Mommy and Daddy's room while we get ready for work? You can read to your brother."

"No work," Katie frowned. "Day care."

"Yep, you're going to day care, but Mommy and I are going to work," Derek explained. "You'll like it, sweetheart, I promise."

Meredith smiled down at her son as she slid some diapers and a change of clothes into his diaper bag. "Your sister is silly," she smiled.

Dan giggled in response as Meredith carried him down the hall into her bedroom where Katie was sitting on the floor, babbling a story to herself as Derek pulled his sport coat on. "You're dressed already," she observed.

"Well, I have to take a little less time getting myself ready since I had to wrestle our princess into her shirt," Derek laughed.

"Good," Meredith nodded as she shoved Dan into his arms and dropped the diaper bag on the floor. "Take him while I get ready."

"We'll get breakfast started," Derek smiled as he ticked his son's stomach. "Right, bud? We can make breakfast for our girls."

Dan waved a drool soaked fist in Derek's face as his giggles filled the room. Derek laughed as he draped a spit rag over her shoulder.

"I'll take that as a yes," Derek smiled as he moved towards the door. "We've got a half an hour, Mer."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she pulled on a pair of jeans. "I'll be ready in a few minutes."

Derek flashed her one last smile before he disappeared out the door, and Meredith sighed as she turned to look at Katie, who was sitting on the floor with a book open on her lap. "Well, Katie bell, this is it," she said. "This won't be a disaster, right? Everything's going to be okay?"

Katie looked up at her mother for a moment before she said, "No," before returning her attention to her book.

"And you're going to be good in day care?"

"No."

"You think I can do this, right?"

"No."

Meredith sighed as she leaned down to pick her up. "I should have remembered that's your favorite word these days," she sighed. "Maybe then I would have phrased those questions differently."

XXXXX

"Katie, please let go," Derek sighed as he tried to pry her arms from around his neck. "Daddy has to go to work."

"No!" Katie screamed as she tightened her arms around his neck. "No leave!"

"Katie, we've talked about this," Meredith sighed as she knelt down beside her daughter and husband. Dan had barely even cried as she'd handed him over to Susan, the day care provider, but Katie had completely panicked when she'd realized that going to day care didn't involve her parents staying with her. "We're going to come visit you in a few hours when we're on our lunch break."

"No leave!" Katie said firmly, tears streaming down her face.

"Katherine Isobel, you have got to let go," Derek said sternly. "I promise that we're not leaving you here forever."

"Hey Katie," Susan said with a wide smile as she knelt on Derek's other side. "I'm Susan. And I know that this is really scary, but guess what we're doing today?"

Katie's arms didn't loosen around Derek's neck, but her tears slowed a bit as she looked closely at Susan.

"We're going to have apples and peanut butter for snacks," Susan said with a nod. "And we even have a playground outside."

"Doesn't that sound like fun, piglet?" Meredith asked softly as she ran a hand over Katie's dark curls. She was trying to hold back her own tears, but it was hard. Her daughter was completely miserable, and it was all her fault.

"Daddy," Katie whimpered as she looked up at Derek.

"It's okay," Derek said softly as he reached out to wipe the tears away from her eyes. "If you let go right now, I'll be back down in an hour, after I finish checking on my patients, okay?"

Katie looked at Meredith with fear filled eyes for a moment before she turned to Susan and tentatively unlatched her arms from around Derek's neck.

"There we go," Derek smiled as he kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Katie bell."

"I love you too, Katie," Meredith whispered. "I'll see you soon, I promise."

"Bye Mommy," Katie whimpered sadly as Susan carried her into a separate room. "Bye Daddy."

Meredith turned and walked out of the day care center quickly, tears filling her eyes as she leaned against the wall in the hallway. A moment later she felt Derek's arms around her and she leaned into his arms as she felt a sob rip through her.

"It's okay, Mer," Derek whispered as he rocked her slowly. "She'll be fine, I promise."

"I hope so," Meredith whispered. "I don't…she can't grow up like me, Der. She can't."

"She won't," Derek shook his head. "She has two parents who love each other and love her more than anything. She has a baby brother, and she'll only be in day care when both of us are working during the day."

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "I'm sorry I keep making you reassure me of that."

"I'll keep saying it until you believe it," Derek promised as he kissed the top of her head gently.

"Dr. Shepherd?" Susan asked as she stepped out of the day care. "And umm…Dr. Shepherd?"

"Derek and Meredith," Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around Meredith's waist. "Is everything okay?"

"The kids are fine," Susan nodded. "I just…we see this a lot, especially with kids Katie's age. She can't understand yet that you'll come back when you leave her. It's scary if you think about it."

"I know," Derek nodded. "Is there anything we can do to make it easier for her?"

"Well, it sounds a little cruel," Susan said. "But…if at least one of you can come in maybe a half an hour earlier and spend some time with her in the day care, then sneak out when she's distracted. I know it sounds horrible, and there may be tears when she realizes you're gone, but more often we see that kids simply move on from the activity. It's the act of actually being aware of the separation that upsets children."

"We can definitely do that," Derek nodded. "Anything else?"

"Come visit," Susan said. "And I know that you might want to bring them to your office or the cafeteria for your lunch break, but it's best for them to spend as much time in the day care as possible. That way they won't get too used to being taken out when you won't be able to take them out."

"Okay," Meredith said. "We can do all of that."

"Don't worry," Susan smiled. "This happens a lot, and I promise that when you come visit her on your lunch break she'll be completely happy and giggling. Dan too."

"Thanks," Derek smiled. "We'll see you in a few hours."

"Have a good day," Susan smiled as she stepped back into the day care.

"You ready?" Derek asked as he and Meredith moved towards the elevators.

"Yeah," Meredith breathed deeply. "I'm ready."

"Shep!" Mark's grin met them as the elevator doors slid open. "Big Grey, you're back!"

"I'm back," Meredith sighed as she looked down at her pager.

"Don't sound so happy about it," Mark laughed.

"We had a little trouble in the day care," Derek explained. "Katie wasn't exactly happy to leave us."

"She's a smart kid, she'll adjust," Mark shrugged. "Look, Big Grey, you've got to take Lex out."

"What?" Meredith frowned.

"She's four and a half months pregnant," Mark sighed. "And well…apparently I even breathe wrong. According to her males are stupid and useless, and she doesn't know enough females."

Meredith giggled slightly. "I remember that feeling," she sighed. "Don't worry, I'll talk to her. We can go to the spa, I loved going there when I was pregnant with Dan."

"Good," Mark nodded. "You got a good surgery to scrub in on today?"

"We're scrubbing in on the Shepherd Method," Derek smiled proudly.

"Shepherd Method," Mark shook his head. "Still can't believe you got a damn surgery named after you."

"It just proves that I'm better than you," Derek nodded firmly.

"You're idiots," Meredith rolled her eyes as she stepped out of the elevator. "I'll meet you after rounds?"

"Definitely," Derek said, flashing her his McDreamy smile. "You'll do great, Mer."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she glanced at Mark. "Bye, Mark."

"See you, Big Grey," Mark nodded.

Meredith took a deep breath as she looked around the familiar surgical floor before she moved towards the Chief's office. Since she'd taken an extended leave of absence she needed to sign some papers and get a new locker, and then she could start being a doctor again.

She just had to figure out how to scrub in while she was wondering if her daughter was sitting alone in the corner of the day care center like she had been thirty years ago.

"Mer!"

She turned to see Christina moving towards her with a wide smile on her face. "Hey."

"You're back," Christina observed.

"I'm back," Meredith nodded.

"Got the kids in day care?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed as she looked down at her watch. "Now I have to go meet with the Chief so I can be really back."

"Good," Christina nodded. "Lunch?"

"Maybe," Meredith sighed, finding it odd that she didn't even want to eat with her best friend. "I told the kids I'd check on them."

"Oh," Christina nodded as she looked down at her beeping pager. "Alright, well…see you." She sprinted off down the hall, leaving Meredith wondering if she really could do this.


	48. Chapter 48

Derek ran a hand through his hair as he stepped out of the day care center. It had been two weeks since Katie had completely freaked out about going to day care, but she seemed to be enjoying it more now. At almost two years old, she was one of the most social toddlers he had ever seen, and she'd been quick to make friends with all the other kids in the day care. Meredith had adjusted well to balancing life as a mother and a surgeon, and Dan was closing in on four months, rolling over and really growing in his personality. He was going to meet his wife in his office for lunch, and hopefully even have some hot office sex. Because since they'd returned to work, they'd realized how amazing it was to have a tiny part of the hospital that was just theirs where they couldn't get interrupted by their very demanding children.

"Derek?"

He bit back a groan as he heard his name, and as he turned to acknowledge the voice, he was grateful that he wasn't holding either of his children. His ex-wife was standing before him, a nervous smile playing on her lips.

"Addison," he said, taking a tentative step towards her. "I…You're here. In Seattle. At the hospital."

"Dr. Hunt didn't tell you?" Addison frowned.

"No," Derek said. "Are you here on a consult? Is Archer alright? Get me his scans, I'll see if there's anything…"

"He's fine," Addison said, looking down at her feet. "I can't believe how awkward this is. I um…I'm back."

"I know that," Derek said. "But…for a consult?"

"For…my patients," Addison said. "The practice in LA was too much, and Dr. Hunt called to ask me if I would come back."

"Oh," Derek said, nodding slowly. "He didn't tell me that. But um…wow. You're back."

"So how are you?" Addison asked. "I heard about your accident. Are you okay? You're lucky to be alive."

"I'm fine," Derek said. "Mer and I are happy. We've got two kids, and we just got a puppy."

"Right," Addison said. "Katherine?"

"Katie," Derek nodded. "And Dan. I'd show you pictures, but…I don't carry my wallet around in my scrubs."

"That's okay," Addison smiled awkwardly. "I'll be in your office sooner or later, and I'm sure it's covered in pictures."

"It is," Derek laughed. "You know me well."

"Well, we were married for eleven years," Addison sighed, then looked up quickly. "I'm sorry, I know you're happy, I didn't mean."

"It's okay," Derek said with a soft smile. "They were good years. Even if it ended badly."

"We did have fun," Addison said. "But…well, I think Meredith would laugh at the hot dog Thanksgiving."

Derek shook his head slightly. "She definitely would," he agreed. "We actually had hamburgers for Christmas dinner."

"Which means that she's better for you than I ever was," Addison nodded. "I accepted that a long time ago, Derek. And…well, I want to minimize the awkwardness of this situation as much as possible."

"That would be good," Derek laughed. "I can just imagine all of the gossip that's starting up just from us standing here talking."

"What's a conversation between friends, right?" Addison asked, smiling sincerely at him.

"Good friends," Derek nodded in agreement.

"Although…you should probably go find your wife before someone tells her that we were caught coming out of a supply closet together," Addison laughed.

"Probably," Derek nodded in agreement. "It's good to see you, Addie."

"You too, Derek," she said before she turned and walked away, shoving her hands into the pockets of her lab coat.

Derek sighed as he pushed the button for the elevator, running a hand through his hair as he thought about the best way to tell Meredith about this unexpected turn of events. Last time Addison had come back to the hospital had been for Archer's surgery, and he knew that she had freaked out about her being there. But this time was different. Although they'd been on steadier ground last time, this time they were married, they had a house and kids. Hopefully she wouldn't even care.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd."

Or maybe she would.

"Hey Mer," he smiled brightly as he joined her on the empty elevator. "How's your day going?"

"Don't pull that bullshit on me," she rolled her eyes. "Your wife is here."

"And she looks beautiful," Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her.

"Stop it," she snapped as she smacked his hands away. "Not me. Your other wife."

"My ex wife," Derek nodded.

"What the hell is it about her that you never tell me she's here?" Meredith demanded. "I mean the first time was just completely stupid because you were dating me and you were still married which I still think is something only people with no brains do, but whatever, because I got over that a long time ago. But now we're married and we have kids and what? You think that I wouldn't want to know that your ex-wife is working at the same place as me? What's next, is your high school prom date going to start managing the day care where my children spend their days?"

"I didn't actually go to prom," Derek stated, then nodded. "Right, that's not the point. Shutting up."

"No, you're not shutting up," Meredith said. "Because you need to tell me why the hell you're such an idiot that you didn't tell me that your wife is here."

"Okay, first of all, stop calling her that," Derek sighed. "You're my wife. Not Addison."

"Derek. Explain. Now."

"I didn't know."

"You didn't know?" Meredith frowned.

"I didn't," Derek said, tentatively reaching for her hand, a wave of relief washing over him as she didn't pull it away. "You know I would have told you that. I tell you everything."

"You didn't tell me that Lucky ate my favorite t-shirt," Meredith giggled slightly.

"Well…that's because it was actually my shirt," Derek defended. "You just stole it. Karma."

"Whatever," Meredith sighed. "You really didn't know that she was coming?"

"Of course not," Derek shook his head. "She's…well, she's back. But we talked for about five minutes, and we're friends. We always said we would be, but now…now we get the chance to really be friends."

Meredith examined him closely for a moment. "She's not going to be Aunt Addison," she said.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"To Katie and Dan," Meredith said. "She's Dr. Montgomery. Because our nieces and nephews used to call her Aunt Addison, and now I'm Aunt Meredith and…it's just weird."

"Fine," Derek nodded. "But…you're okay with it?"

"You swear you didn't call her to come out here because I've gone completely frigid and am not giving you sex anymore?" Meredith asked with a raised eyebrow. "That's what Christina heard from Olivia."

"Mer, I think this morning proves that you are anything but frigid," Derek laughed.

"True," Meredith giggled. "I'm surprised you didn't wake the kids with all of your screaming."

"I can't help it," Derek shrugged. "That thing you do with your tongue…drives me wild."

"Just like the bendy thing for me," Meredith smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"We could go home early," Derek whispered. "Leave the kids with Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark, go do the bendy thing and the tongue thing."

"Oh, both?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "As tempting as that sounds…I'm going to say that we have to work. But maybe bendy thing tomorrow morning."

"Definitely bendy thing," Derek said, pressing another firm kiss to her lips as the doors slid open. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Just…shaken up."

"Well, we're officially part of the Seattle Grace Show again," Derek murmured as they walked down the hall.

"This is nothing," Meredith sighed. "You should have seen it when I was pregnant with your baby, carrying your daughter around and waiting to wake up from a coma."

"Our life has never been boring," Derek said as he opened the door to his office.

"I guess not," Meredith sighed as she collapsed on his couch. "Have you talked to Mark?"

"I went from seeing my ex-wife for the first time in three years to being attacked by my current wife for not telling her that my ex-wife was in town," Derek laughed as he sat down beside her, pulling her feet onto her lap and rubbing them slightly.

"How do you think he's going to take it?" Meredith asked.

"I'm more concerned about how Lexie's going to take it," Derek laughed. "She might actually kill him when she finds out about this."

"That's my sister you're talking about," Meredith frowned.

"And she's on a complete warpath," Derek said. "Mark's very worried about his manhood."

"Mark's a big baby," Meredith rolled her eyes. "How many times did I threaten to castrate you while I was pregnant?"

"Probably about a billion," Derek laughed.

"Not counting the five months you couldn't hear me."

"Point taken," Derek nodded, looking up in surprise when the door to his office burst open and Mark ran in, slamming it quickly behind him. "Mark," he stated. "What's wrong?"

"Addison's back," Mark panted. "Lexie…killing…me."

"She's not going to kill you," Meredith rolled her eyes as Mark locked the door.

"No, I actually think she will," Mark nodded. "This morning I got her a decaf coffee which was apparently completely mean because it's reminding her of what she can't have. And last night I told her that her bigger body was hot."

"Oh," Derek winced. "Never say anything about the changes on the body."

"What changes?" Meredith frowned.

Mark smirked as Derek swallowed hard, obviously not having thought his comment all the way through.

"I…um…you were pregnant, Mer," Derek said carefully. "Obviously things changed."

"Yeah, but…I'm back to the way I was, right?" Meredith frowned. "I'm still hot?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded quickly, deciding against telling her how much he liked the boobs that were two cup sizes bigger than when he'd first met her.

"Mark William Sloan!" Lexie's voice came through the door, and then the handle rattled. "If you're in there and you locked the door, you are in so much trouble!"

Mark's eyes widened and he turned to Derek and pointed at the door. Derek rolled his eyes and said, "Sorry Lex, he's not here."

"Do you know where he is?"

"No," Derek said. "Could you come back later?"

"Why?"

"Because…" Derek fumbled for a moment before he said, "Mer and I are about to have sex."

"Derek," Meredith hissed.

"Oh," Lexie's shout turned into a small giggle, and the other side of the door fell silent.

"I swear to God, Derek Christopher, you are so close to sleeping at the trailer tonight," Meredith said.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"You just announced to the entire surgical floor that we're having sex," Meredith frowned.

"It's not like no one knows when you're actually doing it in here," Mark shrugged as he leaned against Derek's desk.

"What?" Derek and Meredith asked together.

"Well…you're pretty loud," Mark shrugged. "And Big Grey, maybe you can tell Lex about whatever it is you do that makes Shep…"

"Please don't finish that sentence," Derek winced. "And just…leave."

"Are you actually going to have sex now?" Mark laughed as he moved towards the door.

"Definitely not," Meredith shook her head. "Derek's not getting sex anytime soon."

"What?" Derek frowned. "Why not?"

"Because you're an idiot," Meredith shrugged. "And your ex-wife is here, and you just told all of our coworkers that we're having sex. And Lexie's reminding me how miserable being pregnant is."

"Definitely no pregnancies," Derek sighed as he looked down at his beeping pager. "911."

"Go," Meredith nodded, kissing him quickly. "I'll see you at home?"

"I'll call you and tell you what time I'll be home," Derek sighed. "I have a feeling this might be a tricky surgery."

"Okay," Meredith said. "See you later."

"Bye, Mer." Derek squeezed her hand quickly before he moved quickly out of the room, leaving the door ajar as she stood and moved towards his desk.

She'd always loved Derek's office. Since the first time she'd set foot in it over five years ago, she had felt completely at home, and she could feel him here, even if he wasn't here. This was where she'd waited for the results of her pregnancy test with Dan, where she'd spent countless hours curled up on the couch while he was in a coma, even where their son had most likely been conceived. His office was completely them, scattered with pictures of his sisters and their family, of her and their kids, and, most recently at Katie's insistence, of Lucky.

"Derek, I…oh."

Meredith looked up quickly to see Addison standing in the doorway, a chart in her hands. "Addison…Dr. Montgomery," she said as she stood from Derek's chair.

"After everything we've been through, Meredith, I think it's okay if you call me Addison," she said as she stepped tentatively into the room. "I'm sorry, I thought…I mean this used to be Derek's office and the name still said Shepherd, so I assumed it was still is."

"Oh, it is," Meredith nodded. "He's on a trauma surgery, and I'm just finishing up my shift, so…well, I guess we kind of share it, but it's officially his office, even if I'm here a lot, so our office or whatever."

"Still rambling?" Addison smiled.

"Unfortunately," Meredith sighed as she felt herself relax a bit. "Derek's hoping that Katie will pick it up. The idiot thinks it's cute or something."

"Is that her?" Addison asked as she stepped closer to the filing cabinet that boasted framed pictures of their family.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled as she picked up a picture of Katie from the previous summer, just after Derek had woken up.

"She's very clearly Derek's daughter," Addison said.

"Oh, well, you should see Dan," Meredith said as she reached for a picture of her son, smiling up at the camera from Derek's lap.

"Oh wow," Addison said. "It's Derek Jr."

"Please don't say that," Meredith giggled slightly. "There's only room for one Derek Shepherd in the world. Let alone my house."

"He's adorable," Addison said as she picked up a picture of the entire family on Christmas. "I'm really happy for you, Meredith."

"Thanks," Meredith said as she looked at Addison closely. "And um…we've both moved on, right? From those horrible few months when we were completely jealous of each other?"

"Yeah," Addison said as she put the picture back on the filing cabinet. "And from what I understand, you're one of the most talented neurosurgeons in the state of Washington."

"I'm working on it," Meredith sighed. "I cut back my hours after Der's accident, and when he woke up I when on extended maternity leave for Daniel. He was born in September, and then I just came back a couple weeks ago, so I'm still getting my name out there again."

"I'm sure it won't too long," Addison said. "With the Shepherd name rolling around medicine the way it does, I'm sure you'll be well known again in no time."

"Yeah, I knew there was a reason none of the sisters changed their names," Meredith giggled. "And I've got the Grey name working for me too."

Addison smiled as she looked down at her charts. "Well, I just wanted Derek's opinions on this case," she said. "Could you give this to him?"

"Sure," Meredith nodded. "And um…maybe if it's not too awkward we could go out for dinner sometime? I've never been to LA, so I'd love to hear all about it."

"Sure," Addison smiled. "It was good to see you, Meredith." She turned to walk out the door and Meredith collapsed back into Derek's chair, feeling strangely excited that she had finally become friends with her husband's ex-wife.


	49. Chapter 49

"You invited her over for dinner?" Derek cried as Meredith wiped down the kitchen table after dinner that night. "What the hell were you thinking? She's my ex-wife, Meredith. How are we supposed to do this?"

"I don't know," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But…well, we can't uninvite her. It's just dinner, Derek."

"I can't believe you invited my ex-wife over for dinner," Derek groaned as he moved to the living room and threw himself onto the couch. "How the hell are we supposed to have her over for dinner?"

"I don't get what the big deal is," Meredith rolled her eyes as she followed him into the living room. "I mean, I know she's your ex-wife, but you said you're friends with her. I'm kind of a really awkward version of friends. And that's what friends do, right? Invite their friends over for dinner?"

"When the hell have we ever had anyone over for dinner?" Derek demanded. "We don't do that."

Meredith frowned for a moment before she said, "We had Mark and Lexie over last month."

"For Christmas," Derek rolled his eyes. "Meredith, you know that I love our life. But we can't just rub it in her face."

Meredith blinked in surprise before she crossed her arms over her chest. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she asked.

"Nothing," Derek sighed. "I just…it's awkward, Meredith. Having Addison over here… awkward."

"Awkward," Meredith nodded. "So when you always made me come to the trailer to see Addison living where I wanted to, sleeping in the same bed as the man I loved, playing with my dog…that was okay?"

"That was different," Derek argued.

"How?" Meredith demanded. "How was it different? Because you've told me that you felt obligated to stay with Addison, even though you still loved me. Whatever. But it was okay for you to drag me out there to watch you try to work things out with her? We were friends, Derek."

"We were never just friends and you know it."

"We weren't sleeping together," Meredith argued. "We were friends. And now you're friends with Addison. So why can't she just come over for dinner so we can behave like civilized adults? Are you afraid that you're going to fall for her again? Or are you already going back to her?"

"What?" Derek breathed. "No, Meredith, never. You know that. I love you. I love our family."

"Right," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Because it was okay for me to see you living with your stupid perfect wife, but now that the roles are reversed it's completely wrong for her to come here? Where you're actually happy?"

"That's not what I meant and you know it," Derek said. "I just don't want think it's fair to her."

"It is what you meant," Meredith said as she turned and walked towards the door. "Feel free to sleep down here tonight. Unless you decide to stop being a complete ass. Then I might let you into bed."

"Meredith," Derek rolled his eyes as he pushed himself off of the couch and stood in front of her, blocking her from moving out of the room. "You know I love you. You have to know that."

"I do," she said. "And I don't get why you're freaking out about having Addison over for dinner."

"She's my ex-wife."

"She's your friend."

"It's…" Derek trailed off as he stared at her, wondering how this had exactly happened. She'd casually mentioned having Addison over for dinner after they'd put the kids down to bed, and now she was accusing him of falling for his ex-wife again. "Why does it matter?"

"It matters because you're being a complete ass," Meredith snapped. "Are you trying to say that you can be friends with her but I can't?" Derek was silent for a long moment and Meredith rolled her eyes as she moved towards the stairs. "Unbelievable. You can't tell me who to be friends with."

"Meredith, I'm not trying to tell you who to be friends with," Derek said as he grabbed her arm. "I'm just…do you even want to be friends with her? You hated her for months."

"She's one of my bosses," Meredith replied. "She's…she's friends with all of our friends. So yes, I kind of have to be friends with her. So can we please just behave like adults?"

"That's not what I asked."

"Derek, this isn't a big deal," Meredith snapped. "I thought you said that you were just friends with her."

"I am, Mer. I would never sleep with anyone besides you, you know that," Derek frowned.

"I thought I did," Meredith said softly. "But Derek…the entire time you were working things out with Addison we weren't sleeping together. But we were having an affair. An emotional one."

"Do you really think I would do that to you?" Derek asked, his eyes wide with fear and hurt.

"I don't…" Meredith shook her head as she turned to the stairs. "Good night. Sleep well on the couch."

"No," Derek said, grabbing her arm and forcing her to stay in front of him. "Meredith, we have to talk about this."

"About what?" Meredith asked. "Derek, it's not a big deal. Let's just…go to sleep. You can sleep in our bed. Let's go."

"Meredith, you can't just tell me you think that I'd have an affair with Addison and expect me to drop it," Derek said, reaching out to stroke her hair. "What in the world would make you think that?"

Meredith sighed as she moved back to the living room, collapsing onto the couch and pulling Lucky into her arms. "I don't know," she whispered, cuddling the puppy close as Derek sat down across from her.

"Meredith, after everything we've been through…how could you possibly doubt my love for you? How much I love our children and this completely amazing life that we've built together?"

"I know you love me," Meredith sighed. "But I guess…I'm afraid that there are two Dereks."

"Two Dereks?" he asked, tilting his head to the side as he tried to understand exactly what she was saying.

"Last time Addison was here, you completely turned into a different man," Meredith said. "I found out that you played the guitar and wrote Addison a song for your wedding, and when you were with all of your friends…I could actually see you and her as a couple. Working together. And then you completely freaked out and beat Mark up and hid out in the woods for a week."

"Meredith, that was three years ago," Derek frowned. "And even back then, it meant nothing."

"It didn't seem like it meant nothing," Meredith whispered. "It was a big deal, Derek. It made me realize I don't know you."

"Before Addison and I ever dated, we were friends," Derek said. "And…that wasn't me."

"At one point in your life it was," Meredith whispered. "And I'm afraid you're going to turn back into that man. But I don't think I can be that girl."

"What girl?" Derek asked gently.

"The girl who makes that other Derek happy," Meredith whispered.

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered as he leaned in to kiss her. "You're all I need to be happy. I promise."

Meredith looked at him closely for a moment before she said, "It was Addison you know. Who convinced me to get all whole and healed for you. It was Addison."

Derek frowned as he pulled back to look at her closely. "What are you talking about?" he asked.

"When she came back," Meredith said. "Not last time, but when you were dating Rose. She told me that I couldn't let you get away. That I couldn't let you ride off into the sunset with Rose."

"Oh," Derek said, leaning back into the cushions. "So you didn't."

"So I didn't," Meredith nodded. "Derek, I don't think that you're in love with her or seeing her again. And as much as I think there will be a tiny part of me that's afraid of that…I owe her a lot. We owe her a lot. Because she gave me the final push to make me get you back. And I'm not sure anyone else ever would have."

"I'm never going to leave you, Meredith," Derek said. "I'll tell you that as many times as you need to hear it. But I hope that the last three years have shown you that I completely love my life. With you, here."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she leaned into his arms. "I'm sorry for picking a fight."

"I'm just glad that you finally opened up," Derek said as he linked his fingers through hers. "And I'm sorry. We can have Addison over for dinner if it means that much to you."

"Thank you," Meredith sighed. "I just…I'm still not sure how I feel about her. She's nice and everything, and I know that she's okay with us now, but I think there's a part of me that will always be intimidated by her. I want us to be friends, I really do, so I'm trying to get over that."

"Meredith, you don't have to be intimidated by her," Derek frowned. "You're my wife. I love you, not her."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…most of me really likes her. Now. But there's still a tiny part of me that's completely terrified."

Derek sighed as he leaned back into the couch cushions. "Mer, I don't know what else to say to you to convince you that there is absolutely nothing going on between me and Addison."

"I know there's not," Meredith said. "But…well, if I had been married before and my ex-husband suddenly showed up at the hospital, how would you feel?"

Derek stared at her for a moment before he nodded. "Point taken."

Meredith giggled as she leaned into him. "I'm sorry my brain's in a million pieces right now," she whispered. "I know you love me. And I love you too."

"Good," Derek smiled as he wrapped an arm around her. "Addison can come over for dinner."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled. "Because you would have been the one who had to tell her you didn't want her here."

Before Derek could respond, loud cries came over the baby monitor and Meredith pushed herself out of Derek's arms. "I'll get her."

"Make it quick," Derek smiled, pulling her down for a quick kiss. "We need to officially end our fight."

"Make up sex," Meredith nodded. "I'll make it fast."

Derek laughed as he took Lucky from her arms and watched her move towards the stairs.

"Hi sweetheart," Meredith whispered as she slipped into Katie's room a few moments later. "What's wrong?"

"Mommy," Katie whimpered, holding her arms out to Meredith as she slid the safety bar down.

"Did you have a bad dream?" Meredith asked as she sat down on the bed and pulled her daughter into her arms.

"Yeah," Katie nodded as she buried her face in Meredith's shoulder.

"It's okay," Meredith whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You're okay, princess. Mommy's here."

"Sweep with Daddy and Mommy?" Katie asked, tilting her tear stained face up to Meredith.

Meredith sighed as she looked down at her daughter. "Your father is doing a good job with teaching you to look pathetic to get what you want, isn't he?" she asked.

"Daddy," Katie whispered, her arms tightening around Meredith's neck.

"Come on, piglet," Meredith sighed as she carried her out of the room, meeting Derek in the hallway. "We had a bad dream," she explained.

"Oh, come here, Katie bell," Derek said as he pulled her into his arms. "Do you want to sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight?"

"Yeah," Katie sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Sorry," Meredith whispered as Katie drifted off to sleep again on Derek's shoulder.

"It's okay," Derek sighed as he collapsed onto bed. "She needs us."

"She does," Meredith sighed. "We'll just…we can do the make up thing later."

"Definitely," Derek nodded, shifting Katie into her arms as she slid under the covers. He quickly changed into his pajamas and then pulled her and Katie into his arms. "Good night."

"Night Der," Meredith whispered, her eyes falling shut as she gently stroked Katie's hair.

Derek smiled softly as both his girls drifted off to sleep before him, reaching out to gently stroke Meredith's hair. He still wasn't sure why she was so determined to make sure she was friends with Addison, but he had to find a way to convince her that there would never be anyone else besides her in his life.

XXXXX

"Ba la ba ba ba ba."

Derek sighed as his son's babbles came over the baby monitor early the next morning. Katie and Meredith were still sleeping soundly beside him, and although he wasn't nearly ready to wake up yet, he had to get Dan up before he got fussy.

"Hi bud," he sighed as he pulled Dan out of his crib and laid him down on the changing table. "You're an early riser, just like me, aren't you?"

"Ba ba ba ba," Dan chanted, waving his fists around in the air as Derek worked to change his diaper.

"And you're talkative too, aren't you," Derek laughed. "Your mommy's going to make fun of me for this."

"La la la la," Dan nodded.

"Are you hungry?"

"Ba ba ba ba."

"I'm going to take that as a no," Derek said as he lifted his son onto his hip. "Can you be quiet so we can go cuddle with Mommy and Katie? Or are you going to keep talking and wake them up?"

"Ba la ba ba la," Dan nodded.

"We've got to get some new words into you," Derek sighed. "Dada."

"Ba ba."

"Dada."

"Lala."

"How about Mama?"

"Baba."

"You're completely difficult," Derek sighed. "Just like your mother."

"Bala."

"I guess you're not old enough yet," Derek said. "Your sister wasn't talking yet either."

"Ba la ba ba."

"At least we know you have vocal chords," Derek said as he stopped outside his bedroom door. "What do you think? Should we wake the sleeping beauties to cuddle or should we make them breakfast in bed?"

"Babababababa," Dan shouted.

"Well, I guess there's our answer," Derek laughed as he pushed the door to his bedroom open and placed Dan on the bed beside his girls before he slid into bed himself. Dan pulled himself into a sitting position for a moment before he turned to Katie and began hitting her back with his fist.

"Stop it," Katie frowned as she snuggled deeper into Meredith's arms.

"Be gentle, bud," Derek laughed. "Give your sister a kiss good morning.

Dan stared at his father for a moment before he turned back to Katie and began hitting her again. "Babababababa."

"I hate you, Derek Christopher," Meredith muttered, her eyes still closed as she pulled Katie tighter into her arms.

"It's actually Dan that's waking you up," Derek pointed out.

"He's four months old, I know he didn't get out of his crib and come in here by himself," Meredith replied.

"He wanted to cuddle with you," Derek said. "Give your mom and sister a kiss, bud."

"Babababa," Dan babbled as he reached out to hit Meredith's arm as well.

"No, a kiss," Derek laughed. "Like this." He leaned down to press a kiss to Katie's cheek before doing the same to Meredith's.

"Go way," Katie pushed Dan away as he leaned down to open his mouth against her cheek.

"Good boy for trying," Derek sighed as he pulled Dan into his arms and met Meredith's eyes. "Morning."

"Morning," Meredith replied, pressing a kiss to Katie's head.

"How are you feeling?" Derek asked cautiously. He didn't want to stir up their fight again, but he needed to know that she was okay.

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "I know I overreacted last night."

Derek smiled as he leaned into kiss her gently. "Good," he said. "I love you, Mer. Only you." He settled into the pillows, smiling at his family surrounding him and hoping that his wife knew that he wouldn't want to be with anyone that wasn't Meredith.


	50. Chapter 50

Derek sighed as he stood at the sink in his kitchen, washing the dishes that his children had managed to make a complete mess out of during lunch. Meredith had taken them both upstairs for nap time, leaving him downstairs to clean up and worry about how the hell he was going to get through dinner with ex-wife that night. It would be hard, but he would do it for Meredith.

Meredith had seemed a little more comfortable with the idea of Addison being around in the past few days, but now that the day was here he knew she was trying not to freak out and he wished that he could make things easier for her. He hated that they had been together for nearly four years and she still had doubts when it came to how much he really loved her.

"Hey," he heard her soft voice, and a moment later he felt her small arms wrap around his waist, her head resting between his shoulder blades.

"Hey," he sighed, leaning into her arms. "Did they go down okay? I didn't hear any tantrums from the princess."

"I had to make sure that Katie knew it was quiet time, not nap time," Meredith giggled slightly. "She fell asleep after reading to herself for five minutes. Apparently naps are for babies."

"Good," Derek nodded.

"And now," Meredith breathed, her hands moving from his stomach to the button on his jeans. "Mommy and Daddy can have play time."

"Play time," Derek repeated, quickly shutting off the water and turning in her arms to look down at her. "I love play time."

"Me too," Meredith smiled as she leaned up to kiss him gently, nibbling on his lower lip. "Upstairs?"

"Definitely," Derek nodded, hoisting her into his arms and forcing her legs to wrap around his waist as he kissed her deeply. He moved towards the stairs eagerly, moaning in appreciation as Meredith moved her lips to suck gently on his neck. "Meredith…" he gasped breathlessly.

"Do you like that?" she purred in his ear, rubbing her hips gently against his as he reached the top of the steps.

"God yes," Derek breathed, leaning against the wall for a moment and trying to regain his breath.

"You better not drop me," Meredith said, wrapping her legs tighter around his waist and grinding her hips slightly.

"Never," Derek shook his head, pushing himself off of the wall and moving towards their bedroom, kicking the door closed before he tossed her onto the bed. "God, I love you so much."

"We never got make up sex," Meredith said breathlessly as she pulled her sweater over her head.

"We can do it now," Derek said, his shirt already off as he worked his jeans over the tenting in his pants.

"Why the hell did we have kids?" Meredith breathed as he climbed onto the bed beside her, snapping her bra off and tossing it behind him, leaning back to take in the image of her in front of him.

"They're cute," Derek said, his lips muffled against her neck as he trailed his lips over the soft skin.

"It was so much easier to have sex before them," Meredith sighed, her head tilted back as Derek sucked at her collarbone.

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "Soon…give them to Mark and Lexie for a weekend. And we'll have sex all weekend."

"Definitely," Meredith sighed, pushing his boxers over his hips as her hands clawed desperately at his body.

"I want you," Derek moaned, leaning back to take in her naked body, already heaving with anticipation, a deep blush covering her skin beneath the sweat that was already starting to build.

"So take me," Meredith purred, leaning into the pillows and opening her legs wide for him. "I'm all yours, Derek."

"Oh," Derek gasped, his heart beating twice as fast as it usually did. "You're so beautiful."

"Derek," she breathed, pulling him down to lay on top of her. "Shut up and fuck me. Now."

Derek's eyes sparkled as he looked down at her, his hands moving over the curves of her body that he already knew so well. "I can do that," he nodded, his mouth moving lower to litter a trail of kisses between her breasts, down her belly button to the place where her legs met.

"What…" Meredith breathed, frowning down at her husband's head that was now resting between her legs.

"Foreplay," Derek smiled as he reached out to stroke her center.

"Oh," Meredith moaned, falling back onto the pillows as Derek stroked her gently. "Derek…please."

"What do you want?"

"Your tongue," Meredith gasped. "Please, Derek."

"Hmm," Derek breathed, leaning in and gently moving his mouth over her center, lapping at her the way he knew that she loved.

"Oh," Meredith moaned, her back arching off of the bed as she reached down to grasp her fists in his thick hair. "Oh my God."

"That's it," Derek murmured. "Come, Mer."

"Derek," she gasped, her hips rising off of the bed and forcing him deeper into her. "Derek….oh….oh….oh…" her breath was coming out in soft gasps, and a moment later she tightened around him as she came in a hard wave.

"Oh, yes," Derek breathed as he pulled back, staring down at his wife as she lay on the bed, her chest heaving from her orgasm and her legs spread wide and waiting for his erection.

"Derek," she breathed, reaching a shaky hand out to him. "Please."

"Yes," Derek breathed, settling himself between her legs and running his hands over her body, kissing her deeply before he slid easily inside of her, relishing the way her soft walls spread easily to accommodate him.

"Derek," she gasped, her hands moving to scratch at his back as he thrust gently into her.

"God, you're amazing," he gasped, his breathing labored as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Harder," Meredith gasped. "Please, Derek, harder."

"Harder," Derek echoed, his hips increasing pace as he thrust into her, gasping as he felt her tighten around him in her second orgasm. "God, Mer."

"Derek," Meredith breathed, her hands raking at his back. "Oh, yes."

Derek grunted in response as they fell into a desperate silence, their hips moving together as they kissed gently, Meredith's hands clawing at his back as Derek nibbled on her ear. The silence was broken with the occasional moan or gasp.

"Mer," Derek gasped, his back arching as he felt himself start to lose control.

"It's okay," Meredith gasped, her hand moving down to stroke him in the place where their bodies were connected. "Go ahead, Derek."

"You first," Derek shook his head, thrusting harder into her. "Come, Mer."

"Faster," Meredith ordered, her hips rising off of the bed to meet his. "Harder, Derek, faster."

Derek obeyed her orders, thrusting into her harder and faster, relishing in the moans he was eliciting from his wife. "Come," he ordered again. "Come for me, baby."

"Derek," Meredith screamed, her legs tightening around his waist. "Yes…oh, yes, yes!"

"That's it," Derek grunted, throwing his head back as Meredith tightened around him and he released into her a moment later. "God, Meredith."

"Derek," she breathed, her shaking hands moving to stroke his sweaty hair.

"Meredith," he gasped, collapsing on top of her as he rested his head between her breasts.

"That was amazing," she whispered, her arms wrapping tightly around his neck and his now soft penis still nestled inside of her warm walls.

"Completely," Derek breathed, inhaling a few more shaky breaths before rolling off of her and pulling her into his arms. He glanced at the clock for a moment before turning to bury his face in her hair. "And we've still got an hour left of nap time."

"If we didn't wake them," Meredith giggled slightly, her fingers moving through his hair.

"You're the one that screamed," Derek pointed out.

"I could have made you scream," Meredith said.

"I know you could have," Derek laughed. "But…that was damn hot."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "Maybe before nap time's over you can scream."

"I like screaming," Derek nodded.

Meredith was silent for a moment before she whispered, "We need to get ready for dinner."

"It's one thirty," Derek sighed, nuzzling her neck. "I miss this."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"Being a couple," Derek sighed. "Spending time just…being us. Not Drs. Shepherd or Mommy and Daddy. Just Derek and Meredith."

"It is nice," Meredith sighed. "We should let Mark and Lexie take them for a weekend soon."

"They need practice," Derek nodded, leaning in to kiss her. "A whole weekend. Of just us. Naked us."

"I like naked us," Meredith giggled against his lips. "And we're going to have to wait until after Katie's birthday."

"I can't believe she's going to be two," Derek sighed. "She was born yesterday."

"Pretty soon she'll be going to school," Meredith whispered.

"Stop it."

"Going on her first date."

"Seriously, Mer."

"Losing her virginity."

"Not until she's thirty. At least. And married."

"I was fifteen," Meredith shrugged.

"Fifteen?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"It's not that big a deal," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're just dramatic."

"I'm not dramatic, I just hate thinking of other guys with you," Derek replied.

"I was fifteen," Meredith shrugged. "I had pink hair and wore black everywhere. It wasn't exactly a big deal."

"It's always a big deal," Derek sighed, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

"How old were you?" Meredith asked softly.

"Seventeen," Derek sighed.

"Prom night?" Meredith giggled. Derek didn't say anything, and she giggled as she pulled back to look at him. "Oh my God, that's so tacky."

"Excuse me, but I seem to remember you having a very good time at our prom," Derek replied. "And there was sex involved."

"Slutty, cheating exam room sex that we agreed to never speak of again," Meredith replied.

"Right," Derek nodded. "Sorry."

Meredith sighed as she rolled on top of him, running her hands through the soft hair on his chest as she looked down at him. "Are you ready?" she murmured.

"Ready?" Derek asked, leaning up to catch her lips quickly before pulling back to look at her, his lust filled eyes meeting her sparkling ones.

"For round two."

"Oh," Derek nodded. "I'm ready."

"To scream for me?" Meredith whispered as she ground her hips against his.

"Yes," Derek nodded.

"Good," Meredith smiled as she moved down his body to stroke his growing erection. "You're so…perfect."

"Keep talking," Derek ordered, leaning back into the pillows as Meredith's fingers gently moved over his hardening penis.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she pressed gentle kisses along the skin of his inner thighs. "So hard," she whispered, wrapping a fist around him. "And big. The biggest ever."

"Yes," Derek moaned, reaching to run a hand through Meredith's hair as she moved her fist over him rapidly. "Mer…mouth."

"You want my mouth?" Meredith whispered.

"Yes…yes," Derek nodded eagerly.

"Okay," Meredith breathed, easily taking him into her mouth, her tongue swirling around him.

"Meredith," he groaned, closing his eyes and reveling in the feeling of being deep in his wife's throat. "Please."

Meredith giggled slightly as she continued to work her mouth over him, reaching to cup his balls at the same time and causing him to arch his back off the bed.

"Scream," Meredith ordered before taking him into her mouth again, her teeth scraping against the velvety skin as she squeezed his balls.

"Yes," Derek gasped. "Oh, yes…Meredith!"

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed before pulling back and straddling his hips.

"What?" Derek frowned, opening his eyes slightly to look up at his wife. "Mer…"

"I want you to come inside of me," Meredith purred before lowering herself onto him.

"Yes," Derek sighed in relief. "Meredith…yes!"

Meredith reached up to brace herself on the headboard as she moved quickly over him, her breasts bouncing temptingly in his face. He swallowed hard as he rocked his hips up into her, enjoying the feeling of having Meredith make love to him. She knew exactly what he liked, and his mind was going blissfully blank as she continued to bounce on him.

"Meredith," he breathed.

"What do you want?" she whispered, stopping her movements to look down at him for a moment.

"Ride me," Derek pleaded. "Please ride me, Mer."

"Okay," Meredith agreed easily, leaning down to kiss him deeply as she rocked her hips over him again, riding him hard as she moaned softly. "Derek."

"Mer," he shouted, trying to hold off his orgasm until the last possible moment, needing to feel this pleasure for as long as possible. He leaned up to take her nipple into his mouth, scraping his teeth against the sensitive skin. "Oh God!"

"Derek," she gasped, stopping her movements as she tightened around him, arching her back against him as their orgasms came at the same time, her body tightening around him just as he released into her. Their moans mixed together as she relaxed on top of him, their hot breaths mixing together as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Sex is amazing," he sighed, wrapping his arms around her.

"So amazing," she agreed, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Remember when we used to do it everywhere?"

"Hmmm," Derek laughed gently. "My personal favorite was when we got caught on the ferryboat."

"That was good," Meredith sighed, lacing her fingers through his. "How about the time we did it on Mark and Lexie's couch while they were getting the wine?"

"He still doesn't know about that," Derek laughed. "But after everything he's done to me…he can handle wondering where the stain on his leather couch came from."

"You're evil," Meredith giggled as she cuddled closer to him, wrapping her legs around his. "But I love you anyways."

"Good," Derek smiled. "Because I love you too."

"I know," Meredith said, pressing her body against his. "And while you're sitting next to Addison tonight…just remember that I'll give you the tongue thing tonight."

"I love the tongue thing," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her cheek. "But you don't have to do it to make sure that I stay with you. I don't want to be with Addison. Just you. And our kids."

"I know," Meredith sighed, glancing at the baby monitor as a loud wail came through the speakers. "I'll get him."

"I'm still surprised that you didn't wake them up sooner," Derek laughed.

"Yeah well, when you wake them up because of the tongue thing you're going to be the one who sits up with them all night," Meredith sighed as she pulled her shirt back over her head and moved towards the door. "I love you, Derek," she said softly before she disappeared into the hallway.

"I love you too," Derek whispered as he settled into the pillows. Tonight had the potential to be incredibly awkward, but Meredith seemed a little more confident about his relationship with Addison, and he just hoped that everything would go smoothly.

"Here we are," Meredith smiled as she came back into the room, Dan resting on her shoulder. "Don't you think Daddy should get dressed, sweetheart? So we can cuddle?"

"Babababababa," Dan babbled, waving a teddy bear around in the air.

"Come here," Derek smiled, slipping a pair of pants on before climbing back into bed and pulling his family into his arms. It would all be okay, he just had to get through tonight. It would all be okay.


	51. Chapter 51

"So does the house look okay?" Meredith asked, moving around the living room with Katie balanced on her hip as she tried to straighten up the room that was already neater than it had been since they'd moved in.

"It looks fine," Derek rolled his eyes from the couch where Dan was sucking a bottle eagerly in his arms. "Calm down."

"I can't calm down," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Does it look like your house with Addison did?"

"Better," Derek nodded.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes as she placed Katie on the floor and handed her her stuffed pig before moving to straighten the medical journals that sat in a neat pile on the coffee table.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Cooperate."

"I am."

"No, you're actually not."

"Whatever," Meredith sighed. "Are you…never mind. That's stupid and inappropriate, and…no."

"What?" Derek asked as he leaned forward to place the bottle on the table and gently burp Dan.

"What was your house with her like?" Meredith asked softly. "In New York. What was your house like?"

"Oh," Derek sighed, looking down at his daughter for a moment before he said, "It was very…perfect."

"Perfect?" Meredith frowned. "This isn't perfect?"

"It is," Derek nodded. "With Addison it was too perfect. The most expensive furniture that she could find, everything was completely coordinated and looked like it was from a magazine."

"And our house is always a mess," Meredith sighed. "Because I'm lucky if I have time to even vacuum up the dog fur that seems to come off of Lucky faster than he grows it. I'm sure Addison never had that problem."

"Meredith, I love this house," he said. "In New York…the brownstone was stuffy and uncomfortable. The furniture was completely uncomfortable, and I never would have felt comfortable coloring with Katie at the kitchen table or playing with the kids on the rug. Or chasing Lucky through the house."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed. "I love this house too. It's the only real home I've ever had."

"Good," Derek smiled, pulling her down to the couch to press his lips against hers gently. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"I love that you would rather spend time playing with our kids than making sure the house is perfect," Derek murmured. "I love the fact that you're willing to go on hikes with me in the woods. I love the fact that when we were decorating our house we did it based on what we wanted and what was comfortable instead of what would look stylish that year."

"Oh," Meredith smiled softly at him. "Keep talking."

"I love that you have been able to find the balance between being an amazing mother, extraordinary doctor, and incredible wife without any trouble," Derek whispered. "I love that you don't fixate on making sure your hair and make up look perfect every morning because it gives you more time with the kids. And I love that you put condoms in the cookie jar because it's easier than carrying them around in our bathrobe pockets for when we're not in the bedroom."

Meredith giggled slightly. "We might have to stop that habit soon," she said, glancing at their daughter. "The kids might have questions."

"Questions we're definitely not ready for," Derek sighed in agreement. "We'll make an adult cookie jar."

"You're an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes before moving off of the couch to pull Katie into her arms. "Hi sweetheart. What does your pig have to say today? Anything interesting?"

"Birday," Katie smiled up at her mommy.

"Is your pig having a birthday soon?" Meredith asked, her eyes wide. "Wow, there are lots of birthdays going on around here."

"Yeah," Katie nodded.

"Well, that's very cool," Meredith nodded as she reached for the pig. "Because there's another little piglet in this house who has a birthday coming up. Who is it again? I can't seem to remember…"

"Me!" Katie giggled loudly. "Me, Mommy!"

"That's right," Meredith giggled along with her daughter, leaning in to tickle her tummy. "Daddy and I can't believe that our little princess is all grown up."

"Big girl," Katie nodded proudly, perking up when the doorbell rang through the house. "I get!"

"Wait for Mommy," Meredith sighed as she followed her running daughter into the hall and to the front door, Derek trailing behind them. "What do we say?"

"Who is it?" Katie sighed.

"Addison," her muffled voice came through the door.

Katie turned to look up at Meredith with a frown. "It's okay," Meredith smiled as she scooped Katie onto her hip and swung the door open. "We know Addison."

"Hi!" Katie smiled brightly as she saw Addison standing in the doorway.

"Hi Katie," Addison smiled warmly. "I'm Dr. Montgomery."

"I Katie," she nodded. "I got birday."

"Do you have a birthday soon?" Addison asked.

"Big girl," Katie nodded.

"You are a big girl," Meredith nodded before smiling at Addison. "Hi, Addison."

"Hi," she said. "Thanks for having me over."

"You're welcome," Meredith smiled as she leaned down to place Katie on the floor.

"I um…I brought some cookies for desert," Addison said as she handed a plastic carton to Meredith. "They're store bought because I really can't bake at all, but Alex liked them, so…I'm hoping they're okay."

"I'm sure they're fine," Meredith said as she took the cookies into the kitchen. "I'll bring them into the kitchen."

"Hi Addie," Derek smiled, reaching out to give her a one armed hug. "How was the hospital today?"

"Fine," Addison smiled as she shrugged out of her coat. "No bombs or ferry boat crashes, so…good day."

"Good," Derek smiled as he took her coat and hung it on the rack beside the door. "So you already met my princess. But this is my son. Sorry he's sleeping, he just ate."

"It's okay," Addison smiled as she tentatively reached out to run her hand over Dan's dark curls. "He looks exactly like your baby pictures."

"I know," Derek laughed. "Mer says that he's already working on the McDreamy thing. Apparently all the girl babies in the day care love him."

"You're an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes as she came back into the hallway, taking Dan from his arms. "I'm going to put him down."

"Okay," Derek nodded. "I'll get the wine ready."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she started to climb the stairs. "Oh, and your daughter is currently trying to pop the cork on said bottle of wine."

"Great," Derek rolled his eyes as he moved towards the kitchen, Addison trailing behind him. "Not even two years old and she's already an alcoholic."

"She's very curious," Addison smiled as they walked into the kitchen and saw Katie sitting on the floor, frowning at the bottle of wine resting on the floor in front of her.

"Daddy!" Katie cried. "Ju!"

"That's not juice, Katie belle," Derek laughed as he scooped her into his arms and deposited her on the counter before reaching for a wine screw.

"Ju," Katie said firmly.

"Well, how about Daddy gets you some real juice and we put it in a grown up glass?" Derek suggested.

"Fine," Katie sighed.

"Here you go," Derek smiled, offering Addison a glass of wine before turning to the fridge and pouring a little grape juice into a wine glass and offering it to Katie.

"Tanks, Daddy," Katie grinned as she held the glass carefully in her tiny hands. "Mmmmm."

"Is it good?" Derek laughed as he sipped at his own wine.

An awkward silence fell over the kitchen as Derek watched Addison look around carefully. "Why don't I give you the grand tour of the house," he said as he set his wine glass on the counter and pulled Katie onto his hip. "This is the kitchen, obviously."

Addison smiled as she took in the kitchen, from the family pictures and scribbled drawings covering the fridge to the Disney princess dinner set that sat on Katie's high chair beside the table. "It's nice," she said. "Like your mom's."

"I know, I love it," Derek said as he moved back to the hall. "And this is our office. Pretty boring, but I like having a place to do paperwork so I don't have to stay at the hospital all night."

"That is nice," Addison nodded.

"Here's the extra bedroom," Derek said. "And the dining room, where we'll eat dinner. And this is the kids' play room, and the living room, which is where we spend pretty much all of our time."

"Oh wow," Addison breathed as she moved towards the large picture window. "Derek, this view…it's amazing."

"I know," Derek smiled as he placed Katie on the couch and moved to stand beside her. "Mer and I…this was our spot. We found it before you even came out here, and then once we figured everything out the first time…well, this was where we would come to talk or watch the sunset or just…be us. And this is where she built the amazing house of candles and told me that she wanted us to be extraordinary together."

Addison looked at him closely for a moment before she asked, "Is that why you never brought me here? Because it reminded you of Meredith?"

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "I tried," he said softly.

"What?" Addison frowned.

"When I picked you…Addie, I really wanted to try," he said. "I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I was terrified. And somehow you made it all better because I had spent eleven years of my life with you, so I thought we could be comfortable. Even if we weren't happy."

"But we weren't," Addison whispered. "Comfortable or happy."

"I know," Derek sighed. "But I tried. I'm different out here, and I tried to share that with you. You were willing to live in the trailer with me, but more than that. I wanted to share my life with you the way I had with Meredith before you came out. I wanted to take you fishing and hiking, and I wanted to share this spot with you. But every time I asked you, you said no."

"Oh," Addison whispered softly. "I guess that proves that we really did grow apart from each other."

Derek smiled as he looked at her. "I'm glad that you and Meredith are becoming friends," he said.

"She's a great person, Derek," Addison smiled as she turned to look at a picture of the two of them that rested on top of the TV. "She's the one who's right for you."

"I know," Derek sighed.

"And when she needs someone to listen to her complain about you, I'll be more than happy to comply," Addison laughed slightly. "I do know what she's talking about."

"Meredith never complains about me," Derek frowned.

"Don't lie in front of our daughter, Derek Christopher," Meredith's voice came into the room as she smiled at them. "He's down. Hopefully for the night."

"Good," Derek said, glancing at Katie who was flipping through a book that she was holding upside down in front of her. "How long until she's done?"

"Maybe a half hour," Meredith shrugged. "She'll let us know. How's dinner coming?"

"I'll check," Derek nodded, brushing a hand along her hip as he stepped past her towards the door.

"Bring me some wine when you come back," Meredith called before turning to Addison. "Have a seat."

"Thanks," Addison smiled as she settled into an armchair, Meredith sitting down beside Katie and running her fingers through her daughter's dark curls.

"Did Derek show you around?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "It's an amazing house, Meredith."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled. "We love it. And I really needed to get out of the city. After George and Izzie…well, this house couldn't have been built soon enough."

"I'm so sorry about them," Addison said sincerely. "I wanted to come up when I heard, but I had a high risk pregnancy, and I couldn't make it."

"It's okay," Meredith said, blinking back tears. "They…I still miss them every single day. It's hard sometimes, but…they're still here."

"They would be so happy for you," Addison smiled warmly.

"I know they would," Meredith smiled. "And we used their names as middle names for our kids. So they'll always be here."

"That's really great," Addison said as she looked around the room that was littered with family pictures and kids' toys. "It's obvious you're both really happy here."

"We are," Meredith sighed. "I don't…I've never been happy before. Not before Derek, and so this is amazing."

"You deserve it," Addison nodded. "So does Derek. He had to pretend for so long…I'm glad that he can just be himself."

"Pretend?" Meredith frowned.

Addison sighed as she glanced at Katie before returning her attention to Meredith. "I know you've probably been to New York and seen his house," she said. "But I met him was twenty three, and at that point he had already been the man of the house for over ten years. He took responsibility for all of his sisters and his mother, and at that point he was just acting. He was in med school, he dated me and married me because it was the next logical step. And then we lived in a fancy brownstone and had a private practice and went to the theater and cocktail parties. Because that's what he thought he had to do. And I was happy, so I never questioned whether he was or not. And then I decided that I didn't want kids, which I knew made him unhappy, but I thought he would get over it. But he refused to talk to me for months, and then Mark happened, and well…you know the rest."

Meredith smiled softly. "This might sound really horrible and mean," she said. "But I'm really glad that you had…did what you did with Mark."

"I thought it was the biggest mistake of my life," Addison sighed. "But now I'm glad as well. After those few months, it was obvious that Derek and I weren't meant to be together."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "He and I…well, I don't do the whole corny thing, but I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable without him."

"He'd be miserable without you too," Addison sighed.

They fell into a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Katie placed her book down on the couch. "Mommy?"

"Yes, Katie bug?"

"Ju?"

"You want your juice?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Katie nodded eagerly.

"Der, can you bring Katie some juice?" Meredith called.

"Way ahead of you," Derek smiled as he placed a tray on the coffee table, handing both Meredith and Addison a glass of wine before handing Katie a sippy cup of juice.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled.

"So what are we talking about?" Derek asked as he settled on the couch beside Meredith, pulling Katie onto his lap.

"We were just commiserating on what it's like to have Derek Shepherd as a husband," Addison laughed.

Meredith giggled as she sipped her wine. "How about when he washes the dishes before putting them into the dishwasher?" she asked.

"I know, that's so stupid!" Addison cried. "In New York he used to put laundry in the washer than forget about it before he could move it to the dryer."

"That drives me insane," Meredith rolled his eyes. "And you should have heard some of the excuses he came up with to get out of changing diapers."

"Hey, I take good care of my kids," Derek frowned.

"Of course, dear," Meredith nodded, patting his knee gently.

"Don't call me dear," Derek rolled his eyes. "And you're mean."

"You're just an idiot," Meredith giggled.

"I don't have to listen to this," Derek frowned. "Say good night to your mean, mean mommy, sweetheart."

"Ni…mama," Katie whispered, her eyes falling closed as she rested her head against Derek's shoulder.

"Good night, princess," Meredith smiled, pressing a kiss to her daughter's cheek. "I love you."

As Derek turned toward the stairs with their daughter cradled in his arms, Meredith turned back to Addison, suddenly realizing that being friends with her wasn't that bad at all.


	52. Chapter 52

"Dr. Shepherd!"

Derek bit back a groan as he turned towards where his name was being called. "Alex," he said with a frown. "Do you need a consult?"

"No," Alex shook his head. "I…I need some personal advice. If you have an extra minute."

"Sure," Derek nodded, wondering what in the world the younger man could have to ask him about. "Um…let's go to my office." As Alex fell into step beside him, Derek said, "By the way, you can call me Derek. We were roommates, my daughter is named after your wife. I think we're on a first name basis by now. I actually thought we were years ago."

"Right," Alex nodded. "Derek."

"So what's up?" Derek asked as he ushered Alex into his office and leaned against his desk.

"This might be a little awkward," Alex sighed. "And feel free to say no if it's too awkward, but I was wondering…what kind of wine does Addison like? Red? White? Riesling?"

Derek stared at Alex for a long moment, not having expected such a random and…. Awkward question. "I um…she used to love white wine. Chardonnay. I can't remember the exact name."

"Chardonnay," Alex murmured. "Okay."

"Do you mind if I ask why?" Derek asked, eyebrows raised. He wasn't usually one for gossip, especially since he and Meredith had been the focus of that gossip for the first two years that he had lived in Seattle. But he couldn't help his curiosity at why Alex Karev seemed to be looking for advice on how to win over his ex-wife, and he needed to know how to explain it to his current wife.

"Well…this is the awkward part," Alex sighed. "We're um…well, we're going out tonight and I just wanted to make sure that I got a wine that she liked. It needs to be perfect."

"Out," Derek stated. "Huh."

"You're not mad are you?" Alex frowned. "Because you and she were like…the worst couple ever. And Mer…well, I didn't think you'd care. But I'm sorry if I overstepped a boundary or something…"

"I don't care," Derek sighed. "I'm just wondering what Meredith is going to do to you when she finds out that one of her closest friends is dating her husband's ex wife. Or what she'll do to me if she finds out I know."

Alex frowned for a moment. "She doesn't have so pretty strong fists," he said. "But… Addison makes sense to me. We've…well, we were together for about a second years ago, but now…she's the one who makes things stop. For the first time since Iz…I finally can see myself falling in love again."

Derek smiled as he reached out to clap Alex on the back. "I'm glad for you," he said. "And I'll try to pretend that this place isn't completely messed up. It's hard to keep track sometimes."

Alex laughed slightly as he moved towards the door. "I'm pretty sure this hospital would get number one in the dramatic goings on of its staff," he said. "Thanks, Derek. Hey, Mer," he said, ducking out of the room quickly as Meredith suddenly appeared in the doorway in front of him.

"What was that all about?" Meredith asked as she stepped into his office, depositing a pile of charts on his desk before turning to look at him with expectant eyes. "You don't talk to Alex."

"Nothing," Derek shrugged. "Just…talking to a friend. Neither of us were busy, so we were just…catching up."

Meredith's eyes narrowed. "You and Alex aren't friends," she stated. "You've never even really talked to him."

"Sure we are," Derek said, hoping that she wouldn't notice his voice was about an octave higher than usual.

"You don't have friends."

"Thanks, Mer," Derek rolled his eyes. "It feels good when your wife tells you you're a loser."

"You're not a loser," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Or well…you are but that's not what I meant."

"Is there a point for this verbal abuse?" Derek sighed as he collapsed onto the couch and ran a hand through his hair.

"Yes," Meredith nodded as she came to stand before him with narrowed eyes, her arms crossed over her chest. "That you're amazing husband and father, and a devoted doctor, which means you don't have time for friends."

"I'm friends with Mark."

"He's your brother in law," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Tell me one time that you and Alex have ever hung out. Ever."

"I…we went to Joe's that one time."

"With me," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And you sat on opposite sides of the bar. You kept whispering sexual innuendoes in my ear and Alex hit on anything in a skirt. I don't think that qualifies as the two of you hanging out. More like being in the same place at the same time."

"Fine," Derek rolled his eyes. "He needed some advice. About women."

"And he came to you?" Meredith giggled. "I didn't think Alex was that stupid."

"Is there a reason you're being so abusive to me?"

"I'll stop when you tell me the truth," Meredith giggled as she moved to sit beside him on the couch.

"I am," Derek laughed as he reached out to wrap a strand of her hair around his fingers.

"I'll find out what you're hiding from me, Derek Shepherd," Meredith sighed. "But right now we have bigger problems."

"Such as?"

"Well, your daughter decided that it was up to her to hand out invitations to her birthday party," Meredith sighed. "Not even two and she already is having ragers."

"How the hell did she manage that?" Derek frowned.

"Well, since Daddy told her that she could invite anyone she wanted to her birthday party, Susan paged me and asked if it was true that you said we could have day care at our house on her birthday," Meredith sighed.

Derek sighed as he leaned into his wife. "If she's already pulling stuff like this now, what it's going to be like in a few years?" he asked.

"I don't know, but we're going to find out," Meredith sighed. "We're going to have to talk to her about this."

"She's only two, Mer, she doesn't get it," Derek said. "She still thinks the world revolves around her."

"Well, you're forty four and you still think that the world revolves around you," Meredith said. "And even if she doesn't really get it, she has to start learning the difference between right and wrong at some point. We don't want her to be spoiled."

"It's her birthday," Derek protested.

"Derek, I'm not going to take her party away," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We just need to tell her that she can't invite the entire world to her party."

"You're right," Derek nodded. "We'll talk to her tonight."

"Good," Meredith smiled as she leaned into him. "I just ran into Lex."

"How's she feeling?" Derek asked.

"She just came from her sonogram," Meredith said, her eyes sparkling. "Swear you'll act surprised when Mark tells you?"

"What?" Derek asked.

"She's having a boy," Meredith giggled.

"Oh God," Derek rolled his eyes. "Mark Jr.?"

"She's definitely not naming her baby Mark," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But she did ask me for suggestions."

"I'm pretty sure that we went through every name for a boy when we were trying to name Dan," Derek laughed.

"I know," Meredith sighed. "That was…well, that was a hard pregnancy for all kinds of reasons."

"I know," Derek smiled. "Our next one won't be so hard."

"And it won't be for a long time," Meredith said firmly.

"So you've said," Derek laughed. "But I'm happy for Mark."

"I still can't believe he's going to have a baby," Meredith sighed. "He's…Mark."

"He was always the one who swore he'd never have kids," Derek laughed. "At least not on purpose."

"And you were the one who was dreaming of a family since you were ten," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"There's nothing actually wrong with that," Derek argued. "We have an amazing family."

"I know we do," Meredith smiled. "But…well, I never thought I'd be here, Derek, you know that."

"I know," Derek said, holding her close to him. "But I'm damn glad that you did. And I'm glad you know how much I love you."

"I do," Meredith smiled. "I don't think I would have done the family thing for any other man."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he snuggled closer into her.

"You know what we haven't done in awhile?" Meredith whispered.

"What?" Derek asked.

"Cocoon," Meredith sighed. "I miss our cocoon."

"Me too," Derek said. "After Katie's birthday…we'll send the brats to Uncle Mark and Aunt Lexie so we can cocoon for an entire weekend."

"How about we cocoon here?" Meredith whispered.

"We're at work," Derek laughed. "But we can cocoon until we get paged."

"Definitely," Meredith smiled. "And they're not brats."

"I know they're not," Derek laughed. "I love them. Even if they get in the way of the cocoon."

"They can cocoon with us sometimes," Meredith said.

"Yes, but naked cocoons are so much better," Derek pointed out.

Before Meredith could answer, her pager cut through the air and she sighed as she looked down at it. "Bailey," she said. "I'm on a pediatric neurosurgery case with her."

"Go," Derek said, kissing her quickly. "What time are you done?"

"Seven," Meredith sighed.

"I'll take the kids home and we'll have dinner waiting for you when you get home," Derek promised.

"This is why I love you," Meredith smiled, straightening out her scrub top as she leaned down to kiss him one last time. "See you later."

"Bye Mer," Derek laughed as he watched her move out of the room, hoping that she would forget about his interactions with Alex by the time she got home.

XXXXX

"I know you're almost two but even big girls have to go to bed," Derek sighed as he set the third book aside, looking at his daughter who was tucked tightly into bed.

"No bed," Katie frowned.

"How about a compromise?" Derek suggested.

"Coprise?" Katie frowned. "What that?"

"It's where we each do something the other wants," Derek explained. "Like I want you to go to bed. But you don't want to go to sleep."

"Sleep bad," Katie nodded firmly.

"I know," Derek sighed. "So how about I say that you can stay up as late as you want as long as you stay in your bed and are quiet?"

Katie bit her lower lip for a moment, deep in thought before she nodded. "Kay."

"Okay," Derek laughed as he leaned in to hug her tightly. "I love you, sweetheart. I'm going to go make dinner for Mommy okay?"

"Kay," Katie nodded, reaching for her pig and talking quietly to it.

Derek smiled as he turned on her night light and moved towards the door, not surprised to see her already asleep as he turned to look at her from the doorway. His daughter was definitely stubborn like her mother.

He made his way down the stairs, sticking some lasagna and garlic bread into the oven so it would be ready for Meredith when she arrived home any minute. He hadn't seen her after their stolen moment in his office, but she had called to say that her surgery had been successful and she was on her way home. He'd had a nice evening with his kids, playing with Dan and discussing Katie's ever so important second birthday with her before making them dinner and wrestling them both into bed, and now he was looking forward to spending some alone time with his wife, maybe even some cocooning before bed.

"Hey you," Meredith smiled as she walked into the kitchen, tossing her bag on the table before moving to wrap her arms around his waist.

"Welcome home," Derek smiled as he leaned into her arms. "Surgery went well?"

"It did," Meredith nodded. "He'll be fine in a couple weeks."

"It's amazing how fast kids recover from massive brain injuries," Derek sighed.

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded, eagerly taking the plate he offered to her as she sat down on a bar stool and looked at him. "So I heard something interesting today."

"Really?" Derek asked, placing a glass of wine in front of her. "This from the girl who swears she's not a gossip."

"I'm not," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But apparently Addison has some new secret boyfriend."

"Oh," Derek said. "Well, good for her."

"And I think you'll like some of the possible theories," Meredith said.

"Do tell."

"First is the theory that it's not actually a boyfriend and that Addison's hooking up with Callie," Meredith said.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded. "Maybe you should hook up with Callie."

"Excuse me?" Meredith frowned.

"Well, not forever," Derek said. "But…for a night. So I could watch."

"You're an idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Anyways, apparently you and Addison are having an affair now."

"What?"

"That's what Christina heard from Olivia."

"You don't actually believe that, do you?" Derek frowned.

"Of course not," Meredith giggled. "But apparently it's a full circle thing or something."

"That's stupid."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "And there are so many more stories."

"Such as?"

"Well, there's the fact that Owen's cheating on Christina," Meredith recited. "Which is complete crap, because she would just kill him."

"Very true," Derek laughed.

"And then there's this completely crazy possibility that nobody really likes, but…there's a very small chance that she's dating someone who's not connected to Seattle Grace Hospital in any way, shape or form," Meredith giggled.

"What a crazy idea," Derek laughed. "Any other possibilities?"

"Nope," Meredith shook her head. "Or well…one of my interns seems to think she's seeing Alex, which is completely ridiculous. I mean, Alex has only dated one girl since Izzie and he didn't really like her. He was just trying to fill a gap."

"Right," Derek nodded as he sat down beside her. "Alex and Addison…crazy."

"Definitely," Meredith said as she moved to place her plate and wine glass in the dish washer. "Why are you so quiet tonight?"

"I'm not quiet," Derek shook his head. "Just tired."

"Hmm," Meredith smiled, moving to wrap her arms around his neck. "Too tired for a cocoon?"

Derek wrapped his arms around her as well, not saying anything as he considered telling her what Alex had told him in his office earlier that day.

"Okay, seriously, what's going on?" Meredith frowned. "I just offered you sex, and you didn't say a word."

"We can have sex," Derek said, leaning in to kiss her.

"Not until you tell me what the hell is going on with you," Meredith said. "You're not upset that Addison is dating. Did you have a bad surgery or something?"

"It's Alex."

"What?" Meredith frowned. "What's Alex?"

"Addison's secret boyfriend," Derek said. "It's Alex. He needed advice, because he said that she's the first one to make him feel like himself since Izzie died. Alex is falling in love with Addison."


	53. Chapter 53

Meredith stared at her husband for a moment, trying to comprehend the words he had just said to her. "Alex and Addison?" she asked.

"Yeah," Derek said carefully. "Are you okay?"

Meredith turned to look at the counter for a moment before she turned and smacked him in the arm. "You knew about this!"

"Ow!" Derek cried, ducking away from her abusive fists. "What was that for? I told you the truth!"

"Alex is asking you advice on how to pick up your ex-wife?" Meredith shouted, her fists pounding against his chest. "Seriously, Derek? Seriously? He was asking you how to win her over?"

"I was going to tell you!"

"Did you give him advice?" Meredith yelled. "Seriously, Derek, what did you tell him? That she'll forgive you for anything if he brings her a Prada bag and tell him what she likes in bed?"

"Ow!" Derek shouted. "I didn't say anything about sleeping with her. That's disgusting!"

"Because that would be awkward," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Did you tell him what makes her go crazy?"

"No, because I can't even remember what Addison likes in bed," Derek said. "Stop hitting me!"

"Seriously?" Meredith shouted, her fists meeting his bicep again. "Seriously, Derek?"

"What?" he asked. "I don't."

"I can't believe how stupid you are," Meredith snapped. "Why the hell wouldn't you tell me, Derek? We're married, we're supposed to tell each other everything! Isn't that in the vows or something?"

"I know, I did tell you!"

"Well, you had the perfect chance this afternoon, and you decided that making out on your couch was a much better idea," Meredith pointed out. "Why is that, Derek? I'm sure it's an interesting reason."

"Well…I'm a guy," her idiot husband shrugged. "And you're hot. I can't help it, it's automatic."

"Idiot," Meredith snapped, hitting the back of his head one more time. "That's the last making out you're going to be doing for a very long time. I'm banning sex and kissing and…any other couply things."

"I don't understand why you're mad at me."

"Because you were married to her!" Meredith exclaimed. "You knew everything about her!"

"A million years ago," Derek replied. "And I never would have married her if I'd known that I was going to meet you."

"You know when is not a good time to say corny things?" Meredith asked. "When you're already being an idiot."

"Right," Derek cleared his throat. "Sorry."

Meredith pushed him out of the way as she moved to pace the kitchen. "How is he dating her?" she asked. "She's…she's completely different from Izzie. He just misses Izzie, that's the only reason he thinks he's in love with her. He doesn't really love her, because she's Satan's Whore…"

"Mer, I think he really loves her," Derek said softly.

"He does not," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He loves Izzie. He's just being an idiot. Because he's a man and he has a stupid boy penis."

"You usually like my penis," Derek stated, stopping quickly when he met her eyes. "Right, I'll stop talking now."

"I think that's a good idea," Meredith snapped. "Seriously, what the hell does he even see in her? And what does she see in him? He's…Alex."

Derek was silent as he watched her pace the kitchen for a few more moments before she stopped and stared at him. "Why aren't you backing me up here?" she demanded.

"I…" Derek started to say something, but before she could comprehend what was going on, he was pressing his lips against hers, backing her up against the wall until she was pinned between the cold wall and his warm, strong body.

"Derek," she frowned, trying to push him off of her. "What the hell are you doing?"

"You're so hot when you're angry," Derek breathed, shifting her so that she was higher against the wall, her breasts even with his face as he rubbed his five o clock shadow against the sensitive skin above her cleavage.

"Oh God," Meredith moaned, her hands moving to fist in his hair. "Derek…"

"Bed," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and moving towards the stairs.

"Derek," she groaned as she moved to nibble gently on his ear.

"Fuck, Meredith," he breathed, pausing at the top of the stairs for a moment.

"Quiet," Meredith ordered. "Kids…sleeping."

"Bedroom," Derek said, stumbling into their room and slamming the door closed behind them. He threw her onto the bed and moved to pull his sweater over his head, and she stared at him for a moment before she reached for her own shirt. "God, you're so hot," he moaned. "I love angry sex."

"You want angry sex?" Meredith asked, snapping her bra off and moving off of the bed towards him. "Get on the bed."

"Mer," Derek groaned as she pushed him onto his back, moving to straddle him as she reached roughly for the clasp on his jeans.

"Oh yes," Meredith gasped as she pulled his throbbing erection out of his jeans, shoving his pants down and onto the floor. "You're so hard."

"Need," Derek gasped.

"Need?" Meredith asked, rubbing herself over him, his erection brushing against the rough material of her jeans.

"You," Derek breathed. "Please…please, take control."

"I can do that," Meredith nodded, a smirk playing on her lips as she leaned down to trail her tongue along the careful lines of his hips before moving to trail wet kisses along his inner thighs, careful to stay away from his straining erection.

"Meredith," he groaned, his hands moving to her hair, trying to guide her to his erection. "Please."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, moving her lips to his penis, taking his entire length into her mouth for a moment.

"Yes," Derek gasped as she sucked hard at him, her head moving up and down eagerly on his penis. "Oh Meredith…yes, yes!"

Meredith could feel him twitching inside of her mouth, and she pulled her mouth away, slipping off of the bed and pulling her own jeans off as she watched him thrash wildly on the bed. "You need to wait until I'm ready," she ordered. "Because you can't come until you're inside of me."

"Mer," Derek gasped, looking at her with hooded eyes. "Please…"

"Hmmm," she sighed as she stepped closer to the bed, cupping her breasts in her hands before one hand moved down to finger herself. "I'm not wet enough for you."

"I can help with that," Derek gasped, grabbing her and pulling her onto the bed.

"Derek," she breathed, leaning into the pillows as he kiss her deeply.

"So beautiful," he breathed, his lips trailing from her neck to her chest, pausing only briefly to take a nipple into his mouth before moving down to her stomach. He circled his tongue around her belly button for a moment before he settled himself between her legs.

"Oh God," Meredith gasped as he rubbing his cheek against her thigh, the results of not shaving that morning already appearing as thick stubble covering his face. "God…"

"You like that?" Derek asked, moving to nibble gently at the skin of her inner right thigh.

"Oh," Meredith gasped, her back arching off of the bed as she grasped the sheets tightly in her hands. His beard was sensitizing her skin in a way that she had never thought possible, and his teeth felt so good scraping against her skin. He was usually gentle, he usually made sure that things didn't get too rough, but right now he didn't seem to care.

Derek moved his head to press his tongue inside of her, gently sucking on her clit as she rocked her hips into him.

"Derek," she moaned, tightening her legs around his head. "Don't ever shave again."

Derek laughed slightly, the vibrations sending shivers across her entire body, and her back rose off of the bed as her entire body tightened in orgasm.

"Derek," she gasped. "Der…you're…God!"

"Hmmm," Derek breathed as he moved to hover over her again, shoving himself into her as her body still shook with orgasm

"Oh," she gasped.

"What do you want?" Derek asked, his voice a low growl that she wasn't sure she had ever heard before.

"You," Meredith breathed. "I want…I want you to fuck me so hard."

"I can do that," Derek nodded, pulling out of her gently before pounding all the way into her again.

"Derek!" she screamed, her nails scratching into his back in a desperate attempt to feel the release of pleasure that was building up in her body.

"You like it so hard," Derek breathed as he continued to pound into her. "You're so dirty. So naughty and dirty."

Meredith's only response was to shove him onto his back, straddling his hips as she began to ride him hard.

"Oh fuck," Derek moaned. "So…hot."

"You want me?" Meredith asked, stopping her rocking movements and clenching her muscles around him as she stared down at his lust filled eyes.

"Yes," Derek gasped, and she could feel him twitching inside of her. "Yes."

"Tell me," she ordered. "Tell me how much you want me."

"I…ride me," Derek begged, trying to rock his hips into hers. "Please, Meredith, ride me."

"Are you sorry?" Meredith asked, staring down at him.

"No," Derek shook his head violently against the pillows. "Need punishing."

"Such a bad boy," Meredith purred, reaching down to squeeze his balls tightly as she kissed him passionately, her tongue exploring the inside of his mouth. "You're such a naughty boy."

"Please," Derek begged. "Please, Meredith."

"I love when you beg," Meredith breathed, reaching up to grasp the headboard before releasing his penis, quickly moving over him.

"Yes," Derek gasped, his hips meeting her every thrust.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, throwing her head back as she continued to ride him hard. He was pounding into her hard, she could feel him brushing against her very core, and she knew she would be sorry in the morning. But right now, as Derek reached up to scrape his teeth against her nipple, all she could feel was the immense pleasure that was building inside of her.

"Meredith," he gasped, and she could feel him coming.

"Derek," she cried, letting go of the headboard as she braced herself on his shoulders for balance.

"Come," Derek ordered, pushing her onto her back again as he pounded into her, her walls spreading easily to accommodate his size.

"Derek," she screamed, her walls tightening around him. "Derek…oh God!"

"Mer," he gasped, releasing into her before collapsing on top of her. "Oh God."

"Wow," Meredith breathed, a shaky hand moving through his hair as he rested his head between her breasts. "Oh, Derek."

"That was amazing," Derek breathed, still panting for air.

"Completely," Meredith whispered, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry."

"Me too," Derek whispered. "I should have told you."

"It's okay," Meredith breathed. "I…I know that Alex can date whoever he wants. It's just…"

"Weird," Derek nodded. "I know."

"But it led to some pretty hot sex," Meredith breathed.

"When was the last time we had sex like that?" Derek asked.

"Not for years," Meredith whispered.

"After my…thing?"

"Your mid life crisis?" Meredith giggled.

"It was not a mid life crisis, I was only forty," Derek protested.

"Of course," Meredith nodded. "I'm sorry I beat you up."

"I deserved it," Derek nodded.

"You did," Meredith nodded. "I loved the sex though."

"Me too," Derek breathed, lifting his head to look at her. "Did I hurt you?"

"A little," Meredith shrugged. "But it was very very worth it."

"I can make it up to you," Derek whispered.

"I'm definitely not having sex again tonight," Meredith said firmly, curling into his arms.

"I was talking about a bath," Derek rolled his eyes. "What do you think?"

"A bath sounds amazing," Meredith sighed, leaning into the pillows. "Draw it for me?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, leaning in to kiss her. "Wine?"

"Do you have to ask?"

"Right," Derek laughed. "I'll be right back."

Meredith sighed as she pulled the blankets up around her, turning onto her side to look at a picture of her and the rest of the interns from their first year together. Izzie was seated beside Alex, both of them smiling widely at the camera, and Meredith sighed as she turned onto her back to look up at the ceiling. She could vividly remember how upset she had been when she'd found out that Alex was dating again, and she was feeling similar things now. But now that she really had time to think about it, maybe Alex dating Addison wouldn't be so bad. She and Addison were on friendly terms now, and Derek was right; it was another lifetime ago that he had Addison had been some weird, messed up version of a couple.

"Bath's ready," Derek said softly from the door of the bathroom, holding out a glass of red wine to her.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled, taking the glass and stepping into the tub. "You coming?"

"Of course," Derek said, grabbing his own glass and slipping into the tub across from her. "This is nice."

"It really is," Meredith sighed, their legs mixing together as she soaked in the bubbles for a moment.

"Are you okay?" Derek's soft voice broke into her thoughts.

She sipped at her wine for a moment before she nodded. "Yeah," she said. "I am. I over reacted."

"Well, at least you recognized that," Derek laughed slightly.

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"What are you thinking?" Derek asked.

"Sometimes I wish you couldn't read me so well," Meredith stated.

"Well, I do, so tell me," Derek said, leaning forward to squeeze her hand.

"I just…I'm glad that Alex is happy," Meredith sighed. "Even if it's with Addison, because she's nice, she really is."

"But?" Derek prompted.

"But…I guess it's hard for me to understand how he could move on from Izzie," Meredith said. "Because when you were…well, there was a period of time that I thought you were never going to wake up again. And I couldn't even imagine moving on, so I don't get how he can do it."

"I guess it's a personal thing," Derek shrugged. "I know I wouldn't date. If something happened to you."

"I couldn't," Meredith whispered. "And neither did your mom. So I just…I don't understand how he can love Izzie and date Addison at the same time."

"I think…he'll probably always love Izzie," Derek nodded. "But she's in the past. Addison's in the present."

"I suppose," Meredith sighed. She looked at him for a moment before she said, "Sometimes I can't believe how much I love you."

Derek smiled softly, his McDreamy looking taking over his features. "That's good to hear," he said. "And I…I don't think there are words to tell you how much I love you."

"We're in a corny mood tonight," Meredith giggled.

"Eventually you're going to realize, Meredith Shepherd, that we are corny people," Derek laughed.

"I'm not," she shook her head. "You are."

"House of candles?" Derek asked.

"Elevator proposal?"

"You loved the elevator proposal," Derek defended.

"I did," Meredith smiled as she leaned in to kiss him. "Almost as much as I love you."


	54. Chapter 54

"Derek, wake up."

"No," he frowned, burying his face deeper into his pillow and reaching out to pull his wife closer to her.

"Yes," she giggled, her soft breath tickling his face as she leaned over him, her lips brushing against his cheek.

"Sleep," he murmured, his eyes still closed.

"Awake."

"Mean."

"You know, usually this conversation is reversed," she said, rolling him onto his back and settling on top of him. "Today is our daughter's second birthday. We have to get ready for her party."

"Which means that she's going to be awake any second," Derek sighed, opening his eyes and looking at his wife as she smiled down at him with sparkling eyes. Sometimes he couldn't believe how lucky he was.

"She will," Meredith sighed. "I can't believe she's two. She's turning into such a big girl."

"I know," Derek whispered, reaching a hand up to run his fingers through her hair. "It feels like yesterday you flipped out on Mom because she told us you were pregnant before either of us knew."

"God, that was the scariest moment of my life," Meredith sighed as she rested her head against Derek's shoulder. "I'm glad we kept her. I can't imagine what would have happened if we hadn't stayed pregnant."

"Me too," Derek replied. "I know it was a hard time for you to get pregnant, but I can't imagine our life without Katie."

"She's so amazing," Meredith nodded. "Susan says she's one of the smartest two year olds she's ever seen."

"Well, her parents are both neurosurgeons," Derek laughed. "Of course she the smartest little girl ever."

"Don't be obnoxious," Meredith rolled her eyes as she rolled off of him and reached for her bathrobe. "We should wake her up."

"Do you want to grab Dan first?" Derek asked. "Make it a family thing? Or should it just be us?"

"Definitely grab Dan," Meredith sighed, following him towards the nursery to wake their son.

"Hey little man," Derek whispered as he reached into the crib to pull his son into his arms. "How did you sleep?"

"Bama?" Dan frowned, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he looked between Derek and Meredith with a confused expression.

"We know it's early," Meredith nodded, rubbing her hand over his back as she pressed a kiss to the top of his dark curls. "But we've got to wake Katie up so we can tell her happy birthday."

"Basa ma," Dan sighed as he reached up to tug on the collar of Derek's shirt, looking up at his daddy expectantly.

"We'll change your diaper," Derek said as he moved towards the changing table. "And then we're going to wait a few minutes for breakfast until Katie's awake. Can you handle that, buddy?"

He quickly changed Dan's diaper, snapping him back into his onesie before turning back to Meredith with a wide smile on his lips. "Ready?" he asked, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

"Ready," she nodded, leaning into his arms as she wrapped her own arms around his waist. They walked into Katie's room, pausing for a moment as they watched their two year old daughter sleep peacefully.

"She's so quiet," Meredith whispered.

"Which will be ruined when we wake her," Derek sighed. "She's going to be a crazed animal all day."

Dan sighed from Derek's arms as he looked at his parents carefully for a moment before he took a deep breath and shouted, "Bala so ma no!" Katie stirred in her bed for a moment before sitting up eagerly.

"Dan," Meredith giggled slightly. "Mommy and Daddy were going to wake her up in a minute."

"Mommy!" Katie exclaimed as she woke up. "Daddy! Birday? Presents? Party? I two now!"

"Good morning sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she lowered the bar on her bed. "Happy birthday!"

"Birday," Katie giggled. "Pesents?"

"In a little while," Derek laughed as he leaned over to press a kiss to the top of his big girl's head. "Right now Mommy and Daddy are wishing you happy birthday. We're going to miss our baby girl, but we love our big girl now. Mommy and Daddy are so happy to have a big girl around."

"Ma lo sa!" Dan shouted from Derek's arms.

"Dan too," Meredith smiled. "Are you ready for your party? All of your friends are going to come play."

"Psents," Katie sighed.

"We're going to wait until all your friends to come here to open presents," Derek said. "But Daddy's going to make a special birthday breakfast."

"Pancakes?" Katie asked hopefully.

"Pancakes," Derek laughed.

"But first we have a question," Meredith sighed. "Mommy and Daddy are so silly, and we forgot how old you are. Do you remember?"

"Two!" Katie giggled, falling onto her back and rolling around in her bed for a moment.

"Two," Derek sighed. "I can't believe what a big girl we have."

"Big girl," Katie nodded. "I hungry."

"Okay, let's go make breakfast," Meredith smiled as she scooped her daughter into her arms, settling her on her hip.

"Birday," Katie giggled. "Katie birday."

"It is Katie's birthday," Derek smiled as he settled Dan into his high chair. "And we have a surprise for you."

"Pesent?" Katie breathed, looking around the room eagerly.

"Well, since you're such a big girl now, Daddy and I decided that you don't need a high chair anymore," Meredith said as she placed Katie in the booster seat Derek had snapped onto a kitchen chair the night before. "So you can sit at the big table with Mommy and Daddy now."

"I big girl," Katie nodded eagerly as Meredith snapped her into the booster seat.

"You are," Derek nodded, reaching for a plastic crown that sat on the counter. "And everyone should know that today is about the princess, which means that she should wear this crown. What do you think, Katie belle?"

"Pretty," Katie breathed as Derek placed the plastic silver crown on her messy curls.

"Good," Derek smiled, turning to the stove as Meredith placed a sippy cup in front of Katie and turned to open a can of peaches for Dan. "Now I'll start your pancakes, okay?"

"Tank Daddy," Katie nodded as she sipped her milk eagerly.

"At lease she's still captivated by plastic and rhinestones," Derek laughed.

"Probably not for long," Meredith giggled. "Any money you've saved from never buying me expensive jewelry will probably go to her getting twice as much as she should have."

"I would buy you jewelry if you liked it," Derek protested. "And my princess deserves the best."

"You spoil her," Meredith sighed. "And maybe I do like jewelry."

"You didn't want to wear your engagement ring," Derek pointed out as he poured the patter onto the pan.

"I got over that," Meredith smiled as she held up her left hand and examined her ring closely. "I love the ring. But I don't want any more jewelry."

"Told you," Derek smirked, flipping the pancakes.

"Shut up and make me breakfast," Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned back to Dan. "Your daddy's an idiot," she whispered before spooning a bite of peaches into his mouth.

XXXXX

"Al!" Katie screamed hours later, their living room crowded with her day care friends, their parents, and all of Meredith's friends. "Hi Al!"

"Hey there, Katie bug," Alex smiled as he entered the room, Addison behind him with a nervous expression on her face. "Happy birthday!"

"I two!" Katie announced proudly, frowning when her crown tumbled off of her head.

"I know, you're such a big girl," Alex laughed as he adjusted the fallen crown. "I got you a present."

"Open?" Katie asked, already tugging at the tightly tied ribbons.

"I think your mom and dad want you to wait until you open all the rest of your presents," Alex smiled as he looked up at Meredith.

"He's right, Katie," Meredith said. "I'll put it with the rest of your presents."

"Mine!" Katie frowned, hugging the box close to her chest.

"Katherine, you know the rules," Meredith raised her eyebrow.

"No rules," Katie said stubbornly.

"Katherine Isobel, do you want any of your presents?" Meredith asked, knowing the reaction she would get.

"Fine!" Katie frowned as she threw the box on the ground and stormed over to where Derek was talking to Owen, Dan cradled against his shoulder.

"Sorry," Meredith sighed as she leaned down to pick up the present. "She's officially hit the terrible twos. I hope this isn't fragile."

"A new Barbie," Alex shrugged.

"Perfect," Meredith nodded as she placed it on top of the mountain of presents already piled on the card table in the corner of the room. "Hi Addison."

"Hi," Addison said uncomfortably. "I um…I hope this isn't too awkward that I'm here."

"No," Meredith smiled. "You're here with Alex. You and Der…well, we've forgotten about it right?"

"Right," Addison sighed, visibly relaxing.

"And we don't have to have this conversation every time we see each other," Meredith smiled. "It's…we're friends."

"Friends," Addison nodded. "Right."

"Mer, your daughter is going crazy," Derek's voice cut in as he came over and handed Dan to her.

"What's she doing?" Meredith asked as Dan cuddled into her neck.

"She's trying to sneak cookies," Derek said, nodding to where Katie was standing on her tip toes near the dessert table. "That definitely makes her your daughter."

"And the fact that your kid eats muesli instead of cheerios makes him an idiot like you," Mark announced as he joined the conversation.

"He doesn't like Museli," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He doesn't even have enough teeth to chew yet. Derek's just delusional."

"I think it's cute," Addison smiled. "I'm um…do you want anything to drink?" she asked Alex.

"I'll come with you," Alex nodded, following her towards the food.

"Daddy!" Katie screamed from the table where a plate of cookies had toppled onto the floor.

"Oh, sweetheart, it's okay," Derek sighed as he moved to clean up the mess, leaving Meredith alone with Mark.

"So how's Lex?" Meredith asked as she looked over to where her sister was seated on the couch, a hand resting on her swollen belly.

"Crazy," Mark sighed. "Four more months to go."

"And then you'll have your son," Meredith giggled as she looked down at her own son, resting his sleepy head against her shoulder. "A best friend for this little guy."

"Second generation of Shepherd and Sloan," Mark nodded.

"Just what I need," Meredith rolled her eyes before she offered Dan to Mark. "Want some practice?" she asked.

"Sure," Mark smiled as he took the baby out of Meredith's arms. "Hey there, bud."

"He's a good baby," Meredith nodded. "Oh, and his diapers are in the top drawer of his changing table. I'm pretty sure he just made a messy diaper."

"You're evil, Big Grey," Mark frowned.

"Shepherd," Meredith giggled. "And you need the practice."

She could hear Mark grumbling as she walked away, collapsing on the couch beside Lexie. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Like a fat elephant," Lexie sighed.

"Don't worry, that will change soon," Meredith nodded knowingly.

"Really?" Lexie asked hopefully.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "Then you'll feel like a beached whale."

"Great," Lexie sighed. "You want to feel Chris?"

"You named him?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah," Lexie giggled. "I've always loved the name Christopher, but Mark had a fit because he was afraid that Derek would think we were naming our son after him."

"Which he probably will," Meredith giggled as she looked over to where her husband was kneeling on the ground, surrounded by Katie and a few of her friends.

"So I eventually won out," Lexie sighed, taking Meredith's hand and resting it over her belly where she could feel Chris kicking. "Christopher Joshua Sloan."

"That's amazing," Meredith smiled. "I'm so happy for you, Lex."

"Thanks," Lexie smiled.

"Okay, this is seriously disgusting," Christina sighed as she walked over. "Where the hell is all the alcohol?"

"It's a two year old's birthday party," Meredith giggled. "And keep the swearing down."

"Whatever, Mommy," Christina sighed as she collapsed beside Meredith. "This is a complete mess."

"What?" Meredith asked. "It's my daughter's birthday, and she's happy. How is it a mess?"

"Besides the fact that you're like…a mom?" Christina asked. "Well, there's the fact that our friend Alex isn't just dating anyone, he's dating your husband's ex-wife."

"We've already been over that, it's done," Meredith shrugged. "We're friends."

"And you have that stupid nurse here, in your house," Christina continued. "All we need is that stupid Rose chick to make this completely awkward.

"Her daughter and Katie play in day care," Meredith shrugged. "We had to invite parents."

"Still, completely disturbing, Christina nodded firmly.

"Whatever," Meredith sighed as she stood. "I think it's time for cake now. Derek and I should get the cake, can you make sure there are no disasters that take place in here while we're gone?"

"Mer, there are more adults here than there are kids," Lexie giggled. "We'll be fine."

"Okay," Meredith nodded before she turned to walk towards Derek, wrapping her arms around his waist and interrupting his conversation with a scrub nurse whose daughter was best friends with Katie. "Cake time?" she whispered in his ear.

"Sure," Derek nodded, automatically leaning into her arms. "Excuse me."

Meredith smiled as she took his hand, leading him into the kitchen and leaning against the counter as he pulled the cake they had made the night before out of the fridge. "She's so hyper."

"Cake and presents should help with that," Derek laughed as he stuck a couple candles in the cake.

"She'll crash early," Meredith smiled slyly. "And then we can start the grown up party."

"I like grown up parties," Derek laughed. "Where's our son?"

"With Mark," Meredith shrugged.

"You gave my son to Mark to take care of?" Derek asked.

"He needs practice," Meredith nodded. "He's going to be a great dad, Derek."

"I know," Derek sighed. "Doesn't mean I want my Danny boy being carried around by an idiot."

"You carry him around all the time," Meredith pointed out.

"Mean," Derek frowned. "Ready?"

"Ready," Meredith nodded, kissing him quickly before picking up the cake and moving towards the living room. Katie's eyes widened as she saw her parents walking into the room, and Mark reached out to place her in the chair at the dessert table. Meredith giggled slightly as she placed the cake in front of her wide eyed daughter who was practically bouncing with excitement. "Make a wish, princess," she murmured as she leaned into Derek's arms. As Katie leaned forward to blow out the candles, Meredith rested her head against her husband's shoulder and made a few wishes of her own.


	55. Chapter 55

Meredith sighed in relief as she backed slowly out of Katie's room a week later. Derek was at the hospital and she had the day off, and the little girl had finally agreed to go down for a nap. Dan had gone down about an hour before, which meant that Meredith had at least an hour before either of her kids woke up. And she knew just what she would do to occupy her time.

With a smile, Meredith slipped into the guest room at the end of the hall, opening the closet and slipping a white garment bag out of the back. She slowly unzipped it and pulled the soft white cotton dress out, fingering the material for a moment before she slowly stepped out of her clothes and slid the dress over her head, stepping in front of the mirror with a wide smile.

She never thought she would be this girl, standing in front of the mirror and smiling widely as the knee length wedding dress swirled around her. But since Lexie had taken her shopping a week after Christmas to find the perfect dress for her and Derek's wedding in June, she had found herself sneaking into the guest room to try on the dress. Derek didn't even know the dress existed, and she wanted to keep it that way, but she couldn't help picturing how he would react when she walked towards him on their wedding day.

She knew it was kind of stupid to be this excited about a wedding to a man that she had been married to for three years, but she and Derek had never had a ceremony, and there was a part of her that apparently was a girly girl who dreamed of the perfect wedding to the love of her life.

Their wedding ceremony was scheduled for June, and hopefully no one would get hit by a bus or be in a coma so that the wedding could actually happen and they would have a real anniversary. They had never celebrated an anniversary because Meredith was always haunted by the memories of it being the same day that two of her good friends had been taken away, and she wanted that. She wanted to have one night a year when she could go out to dinner with her husband and celebrate being together for another year and then go home to have a night of wild sex.

The front door opened and closed, and she quickly pulled the dress over her head, shoving it back into the garment bag and into the closet, tugging her sweater over her head just as her husband's footsteps met the top of the stairs. "Mer?" his voice called. "Where are you?"

"Hey," she smiled as she stepped out of the guest room, making a mental note to move the dress. He was going to know that something was up, and snoop in there next time he was alone in the house.

"Hey," he greeted her, leaning in to kiss her. "What are you doing in there? I can't even remember the last time we were in there."

"Oh you know, just checking things out," Meredith shrugged. "Seeing which room would be best for Dan to move into when he's ready to move out of the nursery. Rough ideas or whatever."

"Huh," Derek nodded.

"How was your surgery?" Meredith asked.

"Long," Derek sighed. "We're going to have to go back in tomorrow morning if the patient survives the night."

"I'm sorry," Meredith frowned, her hand moving through his hair. "I knew it didn't look good."

"It's okay," Derek sighed. "But I could use some cheering up. Care for some cocooning, Dr. Shepherd?"

"I just got them down for a nap," Meredith sighed as she followed him into the bedroom. "So no screaming."

"Fine," Derek nodded. "I guess that means no bendy thing. And I know how much you love the bendy thing."

"I like sex even when you don't do the bendy thing," Meredith nodded, pulling her sweater over her head.

"I know," Derek laughed, shrugging out of his jacket. "And I like sex even when you don't do the tongue thing."

"Hmmm," Meredith breathed, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed him deeply. "Did you talk to Mark?"

"Okay, are you trying to turn me off?" Derek frowned as he pulled back to look at her. "Talking about Mark when we're about to have sex? You should know that won't get me up."

"Sorry," Meredith giggled. "I was just thinking that we were promised a weekend free of kids so we can ravish each other for forty eight hours. But if you're not interested…" she trailed off as she rubbed herself against him.

"I seem to recall that," Derek laughed. "And I did talk to him. He said that he and Lex can pick them up on day care on Thursday if we pick them up from their house on Sunday morning."

"That sounds perfect," Meredith smiled. "Maybe on my way home from work on Wednesday I'll stop at the mall and pick up some…things. For our sexy weekend together."

"Things?" Derek asked, and she giggled as she felt his erection pressing against her stomach.

"Sexy things," Meredith promised before she leaned up to press her lips against his in a slow, sexy kiss.

"Hmmm," Derek moaned, turning into a groan as his cell phone rang loudly from his pocket.

"Don't answer it," Meredith ordered, her hips moving against his as she pressed her lips against his.

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head, reaching to turn his phone off before tossing it onto the night stand. "Where were we?"

"Here," Meredith giggled, pushing him onto the bed and standing at the foot, shimmying her hips as she slowly unbuttoned her jeans. She slowly started to unzip them when her own phone rang loudly from the night table. "What the hell?" she groaned. "We're trying to have sex here."

"It's just Liz," Derek shrugged as he pressed ignore. "Keep going. I like getting live shows from you."

Before Meredith could continue, their house phone rang and she sighed as she reached for the cordless that sat on his side of the bed. "Hello?" she asked, trying to ignore Derek's hand that snaked between her legs.

"Meredith," Liz's voice came choked from the other end of the line. "Is Derek there? I need to talk to Derek."

"Yeah, he's right here," Meredith frowned as she sat down on the bed, pushing Derek's wandering hands out of the way. "Are you okay?"

"No," Liz whispered. "Mom…she just had a heart attack."

"What?" Meredith breathed, reaching for Derek's hand. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," Liz sighed. "We're all here, in the waiting room. Nance works here, she's trying to find something out, but we can't find anything, and we just…Derek should know."

"I'll tell him," Meredith nodded, tears filling her eyes. She had only known Carolyn Shepherd for three years, but in that time she had been more of a mother to Meredith than Ellis ever had been. "Call us whenever you hear anything, okay?"

"Okay," Liz sniffled. "Tell him we love him."

"I will," Meredith whispered, pushing the off button on the phone and slowly hanging it up again, staring at the wall for a moment before she turned to her husband with tear filled eyes.

"Mer," Derek frowned, reaching for her hand. "What is it?"

"It's…Mom," Meredith whispered.

Derek's eyes filled with fear, and he sat up quickly. "Is she okay?" he asked.

"She had a heart attack," Meredith whispered, squeezing his hand tightly. "They're working on her right now, but Derek…they don't know what's going to happen."

"Oh," Derek whispered, staring down at his hands for a moment before he looked up at her, tears filling his eyes. "Meredith…"

"It's okay," Meredith whispered, pulling him into her arms and gently stroking his hair. "You can cry, Derek."

"I can't," Derek whispered, pulling himself out of his arms. "I have to be there."

"Derek, she's in New York," Meredith frowned as she watched him move towards the door, following him down the stairs and into his office where his lap top was plugged in.

"I know, I have to be there," Derek said, typing quickly to bring up the airline page. "We have to be there. She'll want the kids there."

"Derek," Meredith whispered.

"Mer, you should go pack," Derek nodded without pulling his eyes off of the screen. "There's a flight at five tonight."

"It's two thirty, Derek."

"We can take the red eye," Derek said.

"We can go tomorrow morning," Meredith whispered, gently closing his lap top and sliding onto his lap. "Cry."

"How are we going to tell Dan and Katie?" Derek asked. "Or…Dan doesn't really understand, but we have to tell Katie something. She's way too little to understand death."

"No one's dying, Derek Christopher," Meredith said firmly. "Please, we can go first thing tomorrow morning. I want to be there too. But we can't just drag the kids out of bed and fly them all the way across the country."

"You're right," Derek whispered, tears filling his eyes. "Meredith, what am I going to do if she dies?"

Meredith swallowed hard. She needed to be strong right now, her husband needed her to be strong and so would her children when they woke up from their naps. But she was just as scared as he was. "It will be awful," Meredith whispered. "She's an amazing mother, and it will be terrible. But she's had a wonderful life, Derek."

"But when my dad…" Derek shook his head slightly. "It destroyed us, Mer. For years, no one was the same as they are now."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But that…your dad was only thirty five. He was young, and he was taken in an awful, horrible way. Your mom has lived to see all of her children grow up and be happy, to have their own families and spoil her grandchildren. And God forbid if this is her time to go, then at least she'll be back with your dad again, right?"

"But she won't be here," Derek whispered. "God Mer. I hurt her so badly when I moved out here. And I don't regret a minute of it, I love living here, I love our life. But I hate that I have to go so long without seeing my family."

"I know," Meredith sighed, leaning in to press a kiss to his temple. "I'm sure she'll be fine, Derek. She's completely healthy, and she probably just needed to slow down. You know Mom."

Derek smiled slightly. "I do know Mom," he said. "She goes a mile a minute."

"I know," Meredith giggled. "She probably just needs to slow down, but she won't do it until anyone is forcing her."

"And now everyone is going to force her," Derek nodded.

Before Meredith could respond the phone rang loudly, and Derek tightened his arms around her waist. "Derek," she whispered after the third ring, reaching for the phone.

"No," he said, grabbing the phone out of her hand. "I have to do this."

He took a deep breath as he answered the phone, holding it up to his ear. "Hello…Hi Kath…what? No, I know…yeah…okay…of course we're going to come out. We're leaving first thing in the morning…because we have two babies in the house. Yeah, I'll call you when we land. I love you too…bye."

"What happened?" Meredith whispered as Derek slowly lowered the phone to rest on the desk.

"She's in recovery," Derek whispered. "She still hasn't woken up, but they're expecting her to be conscious in the next couple hours."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her body relaxing into his. "Oh."

"She'll be okay, Mer," Derek whispered, burying his face in her hair. "She'll be okay."

"We're still going, right?" Meredith asked. "We have to be there with her."

"Definitely," Derek nodded. "I have to be there for her. She was here for me every time I was sick, it's my turn to return the favor."

"And she was amazing when you were in your coma," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes. "We have to be there for her."

"We will," Derek nodded.

"We should go pack," Meredith said, moving to get off of his lap. "The kids will be up soon and they're going to have questions."

"No," Derek whispered, pulling her back into his arms and burying his face in her hair. "I need you. Just for a minute…I need this."

"I need this too," Meredith whispered softly, leaning into him. They were silent for several moments, holding each other tightly before she broke the silence and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek whispered, pressing his lips to the soft spot where her neck met her shoulder. "So much."

Meredith was quiet for a moment before she whispered, "Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"If anything…if I ever get hit by a bus or have a heart thing or something," Meredith whispered. "You need to do everything you can. Because I know how scary it is to be the person who has to decide, and I want them to do everything they can't. Like the ferry boat accident, because if they had given up…"

"You'd be dead," Derek choked slightly on the words.

"I'll be dead," Meredith whispered. "And we wouldn't have this. Dan and Katie wouldn't exist, and we would never have even made it into a functional relationship. So if it ever happens again."

"I'll make sure no one gives up," Derek said. "I don't want to live without you, Meredith Shepherd."

"Good," Meredith sighed, letting him hold her tightly to him for one last moment before she stood and walked towards the door. "We should pack. And stop by to get some fresh Starbucks for Mom to keep in her house, you know how much she loves it."

"Yeah," Derek sighed as he followed her. "She hasn't seen Dan since he was born."

"She'll be very surprised at how big he is," Meredith nodded. "He's sitting up all by himself."

"And talking," Derek said as he pulled a suitcase down from the top shelf of their closet.

"He's not talking," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"He said Daddy the other day," Derek nodded firmly.

"When he says dada, he's not saying Daddy," Meredith giggled. "He's babbling."

"Babbling my name," Derek nodded.

"Idiot," Meredith rolled her eyes, but she was glad to see that he was laughing and being as much as himself as possible right now. His mother was lying unconscious all the way across the country, recovering after a heart attack, and he was still able to joke around. Three years ago she knew he would already be at the airport, but now he was more rational, he understood that he couldn't hide from her anymore, even if he wanted to hide from the rest of the world. And somehow that was okay.

"When was the last time you talked to her?"

"What?" Meredith asked, looking up from her dresser drawer to see her husband leaning against the door to their walk in closet, arms crossed over his chest as he looked down at her with incredibly vulnerable eyes.

"I haven't talked to her in over a week," Derek whispered. "I was trying to balance everything, and Katie wasn't sleeping, so I just…kept saying I'd do it tomorrow. But now there still might not be a tomorrow."

"She's alive, Derek," Meredith said softly.

"I know," Derek said. "But what if…what if she doesn't wake up from the coma? Or if something happens to her while we're in the air?"

"Kathleen said everything was okay, right?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah, but…things happen, Mer," Derek whispered. "You know that."

"I know that your mother is one of the most stubborn women I've ever met," Meredith said, straightening to wrap her arms around him. "And I know that she's going to fight like hell to make sure that she's around to watch our kids grow up."

"She's not even that old," Derek whispered, a hand moving to stroke her long hair.

"And completely healthy," Meredith nodded. "I bet by the time we get to the hospital she'll be demanding to leave the hospital and trying to take the IV out herself."

"That sounds like Mom," Derek laughed slightly. "She thinks she knows so much about medicine because she gave birth to five doctors."

"And raised Mark," Meredith nodded.

"You really think she'll be okay?" Derek asked softly.

"Derek, if there's one thing I've learned from your mother, it's that she has strong faith," Meredith said. "And sometimes…sometimes you have to rely on faith instead of medicine."

"That doesn't sound like you," Derek frowned.

"I know I'm not religious or anything," Meredith whispered. "But remember what I told you about when I was dead?"

"Denny," Derek whispered.

"He convinced me to go home to you," Meredith said. "And your mom has a lot stronger faith than I do, so I honestly think she'll make it."

"If she sees Dad…I don't think she'll want to come back," Derek whispered. "I wouldn't, if I saw you."

"We don't know how the brain works in a coma," Meredith whispered. "All we can do is hope."

"It feels so useless," Derek sighed, freezing when the phone rang from his bedside table. They paused for a moment before Derek reached for it slowly. "Hello?" he asked, his eyes widening before he turned to Meredith. "It's Mom," he said simply.


	56. Chapter 56

"It's Mom?" Meredith asked, reaching for the phone. "Let me talk to her. She's awake?"

"No," Derek shook his head, staring down at the phone for a moment. "It's Kath on the phone, but…they found something on Mom's CT. They think she's going to need surgery."

"What?" Meredith asked, a knot forming in her stomach. "What did they find? Can they fix it?"

"They're doing more tests, but they think it's a tumor," Derek said, lowering himself onto the bed.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, sitting down beside him. "Derek…we have to get out there to her."

"I can't," Derek shook his head. "I can't do this, Mer. I can't watch my mother die. I just…I can't."

"Derek, give me the phone," Meredith said softly, prying the phone out of his hands and holding it up to her ear. "Kath?"

"Mer," Kathleen's shaky voice met her ears. "Is Derek okay? He just dropped the phone and stopped talking."

"I'm not exactly sure," Meredith frowned, switching the phone to her other hand so she could run a comforting hand through his hair. "What's going on? Is Mom going to be okay?"

"They ran some tests on Mom once she woke up, and I guess they want to take another CT to see whatever it is they saw more clearly."

"But they think it's a tumor," Meredith stated.

"I think so," Kathleen sighed. "And at her age…"

"Surgery is a lot riskier," Meredith finished.

"She's really scared," Kathleen continued. "Right now all we can do is wait for the results."

"We'll be there as soon as possible," Meredith nodded. "I'm going to see if Lex can take the kids. I know she'd want to be there, but she can't fly, so I'm sure that she can take them."

"No, you should bring them," Kathleen said. "Mom would love to have them there when they could be, and you can't imagine how much it helps to go home to your kids after spending all day at the hospital."

"Are you sure?" Meredith asked, frowning at her husband's slumped figure. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him this upset.

"Positive," Kathleen nodded. "Brian and Nick have taken off work to take care of the kids, and two more won't make a difference."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Derek needs them."

"Okay, I'm going to go," Kathleen sighed. "Liz is with her right now, but she's barely keeping it together."

"I call you when we get a flight out," Meredith sighed, her finger still moving through her husband's hair. "We're going to leave for the airport right now, get on the next flight out."

"Okay," Kathleen said. "Take care of Derek."

"I will," Meredith promised. "I'll see you soon, Kath. Tell Mom we love her, and we'll be there soon."

"Bye Mer," Kathleen said before hanging up the phone, leaving Meredith alone with her distraught husband.

"Mer," Derek gasped, reaching for her.

"It's okay," Meredith whispered, dropping the phone onto the bed and pulling him close. "Derek, you have to breathe."

"My mom," Derek whispered. "She's always been so healthy. I can't remember her even being sick with a cold and now…heart attack and brain tumor. How is this happening?"

"Maybe it's not a tumor," Meredith suggested softly. "Maybe they misread the scans or something."

"When have you ever misread a scan so badly that you thought there was a tumor when there wasn't?" Derek snapped.

"Derek," Meredith said. "Don't snap at me. I'm trying to help you. I'm doing my best here."

"I know," he sighed, reaching for her hand. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried and not thinking clearly right now."

"It's okay," Meredith whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead. "We should wake the kids and get out there."

"Okay," Derek nodded numbly.

"Why don't you get Dan?" Meredith suggested. "I'll bring the bags down and then get Katie."

"Okay," Derek nodded again, staring at the ceiling for a moment before he took a deep breath and moved towards the door, still shaking slightly, and he stopped in the doorway to brace himself for a moment.

"Are you okay?" Meredith asked as she looked up from zipping the suitcase that rested at the foot of their bed.

Derek stared down at her for a moment, his eyes hard and determined, but she knew he was trying to be strong. It was who he was, and he was going to try and hold the entire family together while he could barely hold himself together. She knew it wasn't healthy, but she also knew that he would never admit that he wasn't okay. "No," he said, surprising her. "But…I have to be strong."

Meredith took a deep breath, standing and moving closer to him. This was exactly what she had been afraid of. Her husband thought he had to be a superhero, saving the lives of those around him while barely keeping himself alive. If there was one quality about him that she could change, that would be it. "Derek, you don't have to be strong," she said softly. "No one expects that."

"I do," Derek nodded, and she saw tears filling his eyes for a split second before he blinked them away. "I'm the man of the family."

Meredith sighed as she reached up to cup his cheeks in her hands, forcing his darkened eyes to meet her concerned ones. "First of all, there are a lot more men in the family now," she said gently. "All of your brothers-in-law are just as invested in this family as you are."

Derek opened his mouth to reply, but she shook her head, continuing to speak before he could interrupt her with another heroic speech. "And I understand if you have to be strong for your mom."

Derek blinked in surprise, his expression almost making her want to giggle. His mouth hung open and he stared at her with confused eyes, obviously not having expected that comment. "You do?" he asked.

"I do," she nodded. "But I'm your wife, Derek. And I know you. I know that you're going to keep this bottled up inside of you until it explodes and you end up running away to the trailer and throwing my engagement ring into the woods. But I'm not going to let that happen this time."

She was pleased when she earned the smallest of smiles from her husband's lips. Even if it wasn't his usual bright smile, it was something. "You're never going to let me forget that are you?" he asked.

"Never," Meredith shook her head, hearing herself giggling slightly. "But I'm not going to let it happen again. You can pretend you're fine around everyone else for as long as you want, but you need to tell me what's really going on, okay? You can break down in front of me. I want you to break down in front of me. I can help you through this Derek."

Derek examined her closely for a moment, as if seeing her for the first time, before he nodded and leaned into her open arms. "I know," he whispered. "Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith nodded. "Ready to go? We can get on the next plane if we leave now."

"No," Derek sighed, inhaling deeply as if the extra oxygen would give him the strength to make it through what he was about to face. "But we should go. Mom needs us, and so do the girls."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, squeezing his hand tightly before turning back to their suitcases and dragging them down the stairs. At this point she wasn't even sure what the two small bags contained, but she wasn't worried. So long as they each had a change of clothes, some extra diapers, and Katie's pig, they could get anything else they needed when they arrived in New York.

"Mommy!" Katie exclaimed a few minutes later when Meredith entered her room. "Hi Mommy!"

"Hi sweetheart," Meredith said softly, leaning down to pull her daughter into her arms.

"Mommy sad?"

"Mommy is a little sad," Meredith nodded, still surprised at her daughter's intuition. She was a smart girl, there was no doubt about it. "But not as sad as Daddy. So you need to be a good girl and do everything we tell you, okay?"

"Okay," Katie nodded seriously. Fear and confusion filled her eyes as she wrapped one arm around Meredith's neck, the other clutching her pig close to her.

"We're going to go visit Grandma," Meredith explained as she reached for Katie's jacket. "She's pretty sick, so we're going to go take care of her. And you'll see all your aunts again, and meet your cousins and uncles. How does that sound?"

"Dan?" Katie asked.

"Daddy has Dan right now," Meredith assured her daughter, touched that Katie wanted her brother when she knew that something was wrong. She must have been doing something right with this mom thing. "We're going to go on a big plane, isn't that exciting?"

"Plane?" Katie asked, her eyes wide.

"That's right, princess," Meredith nodded. "We're going to go to the airport right now, which is why you have to be good."

"Kay Mommy," Katie nodded, burying her face in her mother's shoulder, surprising Meredith with her easy agreement.

"Good girl," Meredith sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before moving into the hallway. "Hi," she greeted Derek.

"Hey," he replied emotionlessly, looking down at Dan who was staring up at him with wide eyes. "I just changed him."

"Good," Meredith nodded. "You have the diaper bag?"

"Yeah, it's full," Derek nodded. "So…I guess we can go?"

Meredith examined him closely for a moment, knowing that he was searching for a reason to stay, to have an excuse to not see his mother in her weakened state. "Derek, we have to go," she said.

"I know," he nodded, moving towards the stairs. He was completely silent as they loaded their unusually quiet children into the car, and once the bags were safely in the trunk, Meredith reached to take the keys from his hand.

"I'm driving," she said firmly, leaving no room for argument.

"Okay," Derek agreed easily, slumping into the passenger seat as if he didn't have the energy to argue.

Meredith drove carefully to the airport, resting a hand on Derek's knee and listening to their daughter babble meaningless sentences to their son. As she listened to Katie explain what she understood of the current situation-we're going on an airplane because Mommy and Daddy are sad and that will fix everything-she found herself wishing that she could see the world through the simple and innocent eyes of her daughter. If only riding on the airplane really would make everything better, really would make Carolyn better.

"Mer?" her favorite syllable to hear from Derek's lips, combined with the gentle touch of his hand on top of hers brought her out of her thoughts.

"Hmmm?" she asked, turning onto the road that led to the parking garage.

"You're a million miles away," he said softly.

"Sorry," she sighed, pulling into the parking garage. "Just…thinking."

"Are you okay?" he asked, his hand holding hers firmly and preventing her from getting out of the car. "I know…I'm so wrapped up in how this is affecting me that I didn't even think to ask about how you're doing."

"I'm okay," Meredith nodded, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. "Just worried. About Mom and you."

"I'll be okay," Derek promised, and as she searched his eyes that were full of fear and concern, she suddenly knew that he wasn't lying to her. He really would be alright, because he was a strong man.

"I know you will," she said, leaning forward to kiss him gently before opening her door. "I think is the first time we've even used the double stroller."

"I hate using it," he sighed as he pulled it out of the trunk. "I'd rather carry them."

"The airport is huge, we need it," Meredith said as she pulled Katie out of her car seat and placed her in the stroller.

Katie frowned as Meredith strapped her in, trying to wiggle out of the straps before realizing her attempts were futile and reaching for Meredith, tears filling her deep blue eyes. "Mommy!" she cried.

"I know you don't like it, piglet, but remember what I said about listening?" Meredith asked as she crouched down to be face level with her daughter.

"Yeah," Katie sniffled, hugging her pig close to her.

"Can you be a big girl?" Meredith asked, running a hand over Katie's dark curls. "Because you have a big job sitting in the stroller."

"I do?" Katie whispered, her voice muffled by the comforting soft pink fur of her pig.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded as Derek set Dan in the stroller beside Katie. "You have to make sure that Dan doesn't get lonely. Can you be a good big sister and keep him company while Mommy and Daddy do some grown up stuff?"

"Kay," Katie nodded, glancing at her brother for a moment before she reached out to pat her hand against his shoulder, in what Meredith could only assume was her daughter's version of a comforting gesture.

"Let's go," Derek sighed, pulling the bags behind him as Meredith fell into step beside him with the stroller rolling smoothly across the concrete in front of them.

They were able to find seats on the next flight out without a problem (flying from Seattle to New York wasn't a common occurrence on Tuesdays in March), and an hour and a half later they were seated at their gate, waiting to board the plane.

"Have you heard anything more?" Meredith asked as she settled beside him in the seat, having just returned from the bathroom to change Dan into a fresh diaper for the plane ride.

"No," Derek shook his head. He'd called Liz to inform them of their flight status and information, and there had been no news on the abnormality in Carolyn's head scans. "I'll call again once we're on the plane waiting to take off."

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "Katie can tell something's wrong."

"She's a smart girl," Derek nodded, his eyes landing on his little girl as she napped peacefully in the stroller.

"I hope this doesn't mess her up," Meredith sighed. "Kathleen said it was okay to bring them, but…I'm still not sure."

"She's going to be fine," Derek nodded. "She'll love meeting her cousins. And a couple of them are still to young to understand that something's going on, so she'll have fun with them at least."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…I've tried so hard to shield them from anything bad. Because I was normal until my dad left, and I just…I don't want this to make her messed up like I was."

"She won't be," Derek shook his head, shifting to wrap an arm around her. "Because no matter what happens, her parents love her more than anything in the world. And nothing is going to tear the four of us apart."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she leaned into him. "I guess…I just wish that we could protect her from this kind of stuff."

"It would be nice," Derek nodded. "But…it's good that she goes through it. That both our kids do. I don't want them to grow up in some kind of happy bubble and think that there's never anything that goes wrong in the world."

"That's true," Meredith nodded.

"It sucks," Derek sighed. "But…people get sick. People get sick, and people get murdered."

"Derek," she whispered, turning her head to press a kiss to his cheek. He was thinking about his father, and she could only imagine the hurt he was remembering, probably so much more vividly now that he thought he may have to go through it again.

"I'm sorry," he sighed, tightening his arm around her. "I know I'm not me right now. But I do love you. And I'm not leaving this family, ever."

"I know," Meredith smiled, resting her head against his shoulder. "We'll figure this out, Derek. Whatever happens to Mom…we're together, and that's what matters, right?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, smiling down at his son. "These guys need their Mommy and Daddy."

"And I need my husband," Meredith whispered, looking down at her lap. She and Derek had been through so much in the five years they'd known each other, but she still hated to admit that she needed him. Even though she did, in more ways than one.

"I need my wife," Derek said, leaning forward to pull Katie into his arms.

"Daddy?" she frowned, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she looked up at him.

"It's time to get on the plane, baby girl," Derek smiled as the flight attendant announced their flight. "Do you want to sit next to me or Mommy?"

"Daddy," Katie whispered, nuzzling closer to him.

"Of course," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I spend hours in labor with her and she doesn't even like me."

"She likes you," Derek laughed, and Meredith was glad to hear the familiar sound meet her ears. "You're her Mommy."

"And now we have to go see your mommy," Meredith whispered, handing the stroller to the flight attendant as they stepped onto the walkway.

"We can do this," Derek said, almost to himself as he reached for her hand.

"We can," Meredith said, squeezing his hand tightly. "Let's go see Mom."


	57. Chapter 57

One thing Derek Shepherd had learned about himself over the past few years was that he knew how to cover up his obsessive worrying. From the moment he had laid eyes on Meredith Grey, he had covered up the fact that he was worried about her finding out his wife. He had hidden his worry over Meredith during those terrible few months with Addison, and he had shielded his concern for Meredith when she had pulled away from him and drowned herself in the bay.

As a doctor, he had learned long ago to keep a smiling face for the sake of his patients, because he knew that his worrying over them would make them even more uneasy about being in surgery, and now that he was a father, there was a constant worry in the back of his head, the safety of his children always a concern, no matter what he was doing. If there was one thing he knew how to do, it was to pretend he wasn't worried when he really was.

But now, as he sat beside Meredith on the airplane to New York, wondering whether his mother was going to live to see Christmas or not, he could not conceal his worry. Dan was sitting on his lap, babbling eagerly to Meredith who was seated across the aisle, Katie beside her looking out the window with wide eyes, but Derek wasn't sure what to do.

He had only returned to New York once since leaving in the middle of the night all those years ago, just after Izzie and George had died and Meredith had insisted on meeting the rest of his family before she wouldn't have the chance to do so. He smiled softly as he remembered the expression on Meredith's face when Carolyn had greeted them and congratulated them on their pregnancy before either of them even suspected that Katie existed.

"You're smiling." His wife's simple observation pulled him out of his day dreams, and he turned to look at her carefully.

"I was thinking about the last time I was home," he said softly. "When Mom told us about Katie."

Meredith giggled slightly. "I don't think I've ever been more terrified," she said. "I was meeting your family for the first time, in your childhood home, trying to recover after my friends died, and your mother tells me I'm having a baby. That so wasn't I needed to hear right then."

"I remember," Derek sighed, leaning his head back against the seat. "I should have called more."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"The first couple years I was out here," Derek sighed. "I just…I pretended that she didn't even exist, I erased my whole life in New York. I shouldn't have done that. I should have called, visited."

"Don't feel guilty," Meredith said, reaching across the aisle to squeeze his hand. "You were hurt in New York, Derek. Your mom wasn't happy, but she's forgiven you. You need to forgive yourself."

"I know," Derek nodded. "I just wish I could make everything better. There has to be something I can do."

"I know you do," Meredith smiled softly. "But Derek, you can't be a super hero. There are some things you can't fix."

Derek sighed as he looked down at his son, who was smiling happily at his mommy from across the aisle. He was somehow jealous of the tiny baby, and he wished that he could be so innocent, not have a care in the world other than whether he was loved or not. Dan was completely satisfied by Meredith holding him, and although hugs from Meredith made him feel a million times better, he also knew that it couldn't fix everything, as much as he wished it would.

Before they could continue their conversation, the pilot came over the intercom to announce their impending arrival in New York. Meredith turned to settle Katie back in her seat, and Derek hugged a whimpering Dan tighter to his chest. Lift off had not been enjoyable for either of their children, both of them wailing uncontrollably, presumably from the pressure on their tiny ears.

As soon as the plane had landed and they were idling in the runway, Derek unclipped his phone from his belt and turned it on, frowning when he saw a voicemail from Caitlin waiting for him. He quickly dialed in and held the phone up to his ear, his heart pounding in anticipation.

"Hi Derbear, I know you're probably flying right now, but…you should call as soon as you get this. We got news, but I don't want to tell you on voicemail, so just…call me. Or one of the other sisters. I hope you had a good flight, and I can't wait to see you and Mer and the kids. Bye Derbear."

"Who was that?" Meredith's voice asked as he ended the call, his hands shaking slightly as he slid it into his pocket.

"Caitlin," Derek sighed as he turned to see her trying to hold a bouncing Katie still on her lap. "She says she has news."

Meredith inhaled sharply, and he could see her trying to hide the fear in her eyes. "Good news?"

"She said to call," Derek sighed, unbuckling his seatbelt and handing Dan to her for a moment as he pulled the diaper bag from the overhead compartment. "I'll call when we're off the plane."

Meredith nodded, silently handing Katie to him as she cuddled Dan close, pressing a kiss to the top of his dark curls.

"Daddy?" Katie asked as she looked closely at him. He smiled as he looked into her tired blue eyes.

"Yes sweetheart?" Derek asked.

"Gama?"

"Mommy and Daddy are going to drop you off with Uncle Nick at Grandma's house," Derek nodded. "And then we're going to see Grandma. We'll have to check and see when you can go visit."

Katie sighed as she looked around the crowded plane where people were pushing to get off first. "I see Gama," she nodded, holding up a page from her princess coloring book. "I color picture."

"It's a beautiful picture, princess," Derek nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as they started moving towards the front of the plane. "I'll bring it to her tonight, and I'm sure she'll love it."

"No see Gama?"

"It's late, baby girl," Derek sighed as he thanked the flight attendant for the stroller and settled Katie in. "Later than home. Aren't you tired? You look pretty tired, so we'll get you to bed soon."

"No tired," Katie frowned. "No bed."

"Fine, no bed," Derek rolled his eyes. "I'll let Uncle Nick deal with you. He's had a lot of practice."

"That's just mean," Meredith giggled as she knelt to strap Dan in the stroller beside his sister.

"Well, he's the one who got my baby sister pregnant before she was married," Derek shrugged. "He should know how to handle a stubborn two year old, he's had four of them."

"Whatever," Meredith sighed as they stepped into the airport. She glanced at him for a moment before she whispered, "Do you want to call? Or do you want to just head straight there?"

"Yeah, I'll call" Derek sighed. He wasn't sure he was ready to hear what his sister had to say to him, but he knew he had to do it. He had to be prepared for what he was going to see when he went to see his mother. Silently, he moved the stroller into an abandoned corner of the terminal, settling down on a chair and staring down at the phone for a moment.

"Derek," Meredith said softly, her fingers moving to comfort him as they ran through his hair. "Do you want me to call?"

"No," Derek shook his head. "I should do it. She's my mom. She needs my mom, I have to do it."

"I'm right here," Meredith whispered, wrapping an arm around him and resting her head on his shoulder.

"I know," Derek nodded, leaning into her a moment as he stared down at his sleeping children. Somehow the simple presence of his family surrounding him gave him the strength he needed to press the send button on his phone, and he swallowed hard as he held it up to his ear, trying to ignore the tightening in his stomach as he waited for Caitlin to answer.

"Derbear," Caitlin breathed as she answered the phone. "Are you here? Mom's been asking for you."

"We're at the airport," Derek said. "We just landed, I got your message. What's going on?"

"She's okay."

Derek was silent for a long moment, trying to comprehend his sister's two simple words. He had been preparing himself for the worst scenario possible-at one point he had even convinced himself that his mother would already be dead when they landed-but he had refused to believe that his mom would be fine.

"What?" he finally asked.

"She's okay," Caitlin repeated, giggling slightly. "They saw something in the CT, but it turns out that the lab techs here are complete idiots and switched the scans. Mom's were perfect."

"Oh," Derek sighed, leaning back into Meredith. "Oh. That's…I don't even know how to respond."

"She's going to stay in the hospital for another day or two," Caitlin continued. "They want to make sure her heart is strong enough because of the heart attack, but she's going to be fine."

"That's…that's good," Derek said, relief filling his body as he smiled widely at Meredith, trying to inform her that everything was okay. "That's really good."

"Visiting hours are over," Caitlin continued. "So just come to the house. We can all go in together in the morning."

"Thanks Caitie," Derek sighed, happy tears filling his eyes. "God, this is such good news."

"I know," Caitlin nodded. "I'll see you soon?"

"We'll still be awhile," Derek sighed. "We haven't even gotten our bags, and we still have to rent a car, so we'll probably be a couple hours."

"Okay, well, we're going to wait up," Caitlin said. "I can't wait to see my newest nephew and niece."

"They'll be excited to see you too," Derek said. "More people to spoil them."

"Bye Derbear," Caitlin said. "Love you."

"Love you too," Derek said before he turned to Meredith. "Mom's okay. The lab techs mixed up the scans."

"They messed up the scans?" Meredith frowned. "What the hell kind of hospital did they bring her to?"

"Mix ups happen, you know that," Derek sighed. "Not often, but…well, Mom's always the exception to the rule. The point is that she's fine."

"Fine?" Meredith asked. "Really really fine?"

"They're still keeping her under observation because of her heart, but she'll be home in the next couple days," Derek nodded.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, hugging him tightly. "She's okay."

"She's okay," Derek nodded, burying his face in her shoulder and inhaling the soft scent of lavender that he loved so much. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck, but not in comfort as he had anticipated, but in celebration. And that felt so much better.

XXXXX

"Mom?"

Derek swallowed hard as he leaned into her hospital room the next morning, his hand tightening around Meredith's. As relieved as he was that she was going to be okay, he still hadn't been prepared to see her looking so pale and weak in the hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor.

"Derek," Carolyn smiled, her eyes widening as she looked up from her crossword puzzle. "Meredith. You two didn't have to come all the way out here."

"Of course we did," Derek sighed as he led Meredith into the room, leaning over the bed to kiss his mother's forehead. "You had a heart attack, Mom."

"And now I'm perfectly fine," Carolyn said as she leaned up to embrace Meredith. "Where are my grandchildren?"

"Hear that, Mer?" Derek smiled as he settled into a chair beside the bed. "I give her grandchildren and she doesn't even care about me anymore."

"Don't be dramatic," Carolyn said. "You're my only son and I love you."

"I know," Derek sighed. "They're with Caitlin and Nick. I'm pretty sure Katie's going to throw a tantrum about going home. She loves having all of her cousins to play with."

"I better see them before you return to Seattle," Carolyn said.

"You will," Meredith assured her. "Owen gave us two weeks off."

"Well that certainly wasn't necessary," Carolyn sighed. "I'm perfectly fine."

"You had a heart attack, Mother," Derek rolled his eyes. She was probably the only woman in the world who was more stubborn than his wife. "You're not fine."

"I will be as soon as they let me out of here," Carolyn rolled her eyes. "I can't believe that all of my children keep perfectly healthy people here so they can observe them twenty four hours a day."

"We don't do it to healthy people, Mom," Meredith giggled. "We do it to people who aren't healthy."

"Like people who just had heart attacks," Derek added.

"Don't get smart with me, Derek Christopher," Carolyn sighed. "Is the house okay?"

"It looks great, Mom," Derek said. "It feels good to be home."

Carolyn smiled as she reached out to take his hand. "I am glad that you're here," she said. "I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"Us too," Meredith said. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit tired, but alright," Carolyn said. "It was a very minor attack, nothing to worry about."

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. He wasn't sure that his mother actually understood how much she had scared him.

"Derek," Carolyn said softly. "Are you alright?"

"Mom," he whispered, looking up at her with unexpected tears pricking his eyes.

"Oh, sweetheart," Carolyn whispered before turning to Meredith. "Meredith, dear, would you mind going to get me something to drink? Just some juice from the cafeteria would be lovely."

"Sure," Meredith nodded, glancing between Derek and Carolyn for a moment. He smiled weakly at her, and she nodded, as if telling him that she understood that he needed a moment alone with his mother. "I'll be right back," she said, standing and stopping briefly to run a hand through his hair before she disappeared out the door, closing it softly behind her.

"Derek," Carolyn said softly, reaching out to pull him closer to her, forcing him to sit down beside her on the bed. "I'm fine. There's no reason for you to be upset."

"I know," he whispered, shaking his head as he tried to control the tears that were threatening to fall. "I just…I wasn't sure. The entire plane ride here, I had no idea what to expect."

"I'll be fine," Carolyn said, squeezing his hand. "I'm not done harassing you for more grandchildren with the Shepherd name."

Derek laughed slightly. "Don't tell Mer that," he said softly. "Apparently we're not having any more kids for at least two years."

"Well, that's longer for me to stick around for," Carolyn said with a warm smile.

"When I got the call," Derek whispered, preparing himself to say something that he hadn't even admitted to Meredith. "All I could think about was when the police came to the door that night."

"Oh Derek," Carolyn said, tears filling her eyes for a moment before she leaned forward to embrace him. "I know you were scared."

"I was just so far away," Derek whispered, resting his head on her shoulder. "And if something happened, I wouldn't be able to see you again. I didn't get to see Dad, and you…I just couldn't go through that again."

"Sweetheart, your father knew how much you loved him," Carolyn said softly. "And so do I."

"I was a horrible son," Derek whispered, lifting his head from her shoulder to look at her. "I didn't call, this is only the second time that I've come home…I'd get it if you hated me."

"Don't even suggest such an idiotic idea," Carolyn said firmly. "You're a father. Is there anything that either of your children would do that would make you hate them?"

"Of course not," Derek said quickly, feeling nauseous at the thought.

"And why would you think that I'm any different?" Carolyn asked. "I miss having you here, Derek. But I know that you're happier in Seattle than you ever were here, so it's worth it to me. I miss you every day, but I have a house in Seattle too, and I love you for that."

"Good," Derek swallowed hard. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For leaving in the middle of the night," Derek whispered, looking down at his hands. "For not calling, for making you wait to meet Mer…I'm sorry for all of it."

"Derek, you have made me so proud," Carolyn said with a wide smile. "And your father would be incredibly proud of you too."

"Really?" Derek asked. He often wondered how different he would be if his father hadn't been murdered when he was so young, and it was comforting to know that his mother thought he would have been proud.

"I'm sure," Carolyn nodded. "He wanted you to become a good man, have a good job and be willing to do anything for your family. And you are a good man, just like your father."

"I've tried to make him proud," Derek whispered. "And you too."

"You have," Carolyn nodded, squeezing his hand tightly. "I love you so much, my boy."

Derek smiled softly as he recognized the term his father had always used to refer to him, and in that moment he felt his tears finally fall as he leaned into his mother's embrace that had always managed to comfort him no matter what had happened in his life.

"I love you, Mommy," Derek whispered.


	58. Chapter 58

Meredith sighed as she felt herself drift into consciousness, leaving her eyes closed as she snuggled deeper into her husband's warm embrace. She was strangely comforted by sleeping in his childhood bedroom. The last time she had been here, she had been completely distracted by finding out about her pregnancy with Katie so soon after the deaths of her friends, and she hadn't really noticed how amazing it felt to be in the room that he had spent the first half of his life inhabiting.

But she liked it. From the certificates that still hung on the walls to the hockey trophies that sat in front of the biology textbooks on his bookshelves to the family photographs of various parts of his childhood, this room felt completely like Derek, and she loved it. She loved feeling like she was surrounded by him.

She smiled softly as she opened her eyes and saw the picture of her and Derek that was resting on the night table. She remembered when Derek had placed the picture there, really telling her how much she fit into his life, becoming apart of the room that made him who he was. Emma hadn't moved it in the past three years, and for the past week Meredith had woken to see that picture, feeling comforted by the fact that she had permanent spot in Derek's childhood bedroom, just as he did in his life, and loving the pictures of the kids that had joined their own.

Her eyes drifted from the picture to the clock, sitting up quickly when she saw what time it was.

Nine thirty five.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept past seven. Apparently waking up early was just another joy of parenting, and with the kids sleeping in the room with them, they had woken around five every morning since they'd arrived in New York. As refreshing as the change was, she needed her children.

"Derek," she whispered, turning over in his arms to look at him. "Wake up. It's nine thirty."

"No."

"Derek, you have to wake up," she said, slapping his bicep. "Our kids are missing right now."

"Sex?" Derek asked hopefully, his hand moving to push under her shirt, lazily rubbing against her breast.

"I was actually wondering where our children are," Meredith stated.

"Their rooms," Derek murmured, his sleep clogged brain obviously forgetting the fact that Katie had spent the nights on a small cot in the corner of the room and Dan in the small Shepherd family bassinet beside her.

"Derek, wake up," Meredith groaned. "It's nine thirty. And we're at your mother's house."

Derek sighed as he sat up, looking around the room for a moment, his messy curls standing all over the place. "Where are they?" he asked.

"One of the girls must have taken them," Meredith sighed.

"Why?" Derek asked.

"I don't know," Meredith said as she pulled out of his arms and pulled his Columbia sweatshirt over her head. She'd found it in his closet the week before and had refused to wear anything else while hanging out around the room.

Derek followed her down the stairs and smiled immediately when he heard his daughter's soft giggles mixing with his mom's murmurs. Carolyn had come home days before and was making remarkable progress, but none of them were comfortable with leaving the house yet. Carolyn was still somewhat weak, but she loved having her family around to help her through this.

"Thanks for kidnapping our children," Derek said as they walked into the kitchen where his sisters were bustling about as Carolyn sat at the table with Katie in her lap. "What gives?"

"Oh, we're giving you time off," Nancy shrugged as she pulled a bottle out of the microwave and handed it to Dan who sucked at it eagerly.

"Time off?" Meredith frowned. The concept was almost foreign to her. Although she worked much less hours than she had in the past, she was always on duty as Mommy.

"We understand how hard it is to have a functional relationship with little kids around," Liz said as she placed a plate of pancakes on the table and laughed as all the ids dove for them at once. "So we're taking the kids, and you're going into the city."

"The city?" Derek frowned.

"For the night," Carolyn nodded.

"We've never left them before," Meredith frowned.

"Which is exactly why you need to do it," Nancy said. "Trust me, you need time when you're not Mommy and Daddy."

"We have been wanting to leave them with Mark and Lexie for a weekend," Derek murmured. "Maybe this is a better idea."

"I guess," Meredith sighed as she watched Katie, who was giggling wildly with Caitlin's daughter Mary. "She seems happy."

"It's just one night," Liz smiled as she pushed two overnight bags into their arms. "Now go."

"Are we allowed to get dressed first?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"AS long as you say goodbye to the children first," Carolyn nodded. "We don't need to hear all the excuses you make for not going."

"That feels good," Derek rolled his eyes as he reached for Dan. "Alright, little man, be good for your aunts and uncles. And make sure you keep your sister in line too."

Dan stared up at Derek for a moment before he turned to Kathleen and reached his arms out to her. "Basa lo ma no," he smiled up at his aunt.

"I see how it is," Derek sighed as he turned to the table where Meredith was standing from where she had been kneeling down to say goodbye to Katie. "You'll say bye to Daddy, won't you sweetheart?"

"Bye?" Katie frowned, looking up from her pancakes with wide, scared eyes. "No bye."

"Oh, princess, you're going to have so much fun," Derek whispered, ignoring the guilty feeling inside of him. He hated to leave his kids, but his sisters were right, he and Meredith were in desperate need of some time alone together. "Can I have a kiss?"

"Daddy," Katie whimpered as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder.

"Baby girl, we're going to have lots of fun," Liz said as she pulled the little girl into her lap. "We might even go to the zoo later today."

"The zoo?" Katie asked, slowly releasing the grip she still had on the arm of Derek's robe.

"Only if you're a good girl and say goodbye to Mommy and Daddy like a big girl," Liz encouraged.

"Bye Daddy," Katie whispered as she leaved forward to press a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

"Bye angel," Derek said, hugging her tightly. "I love you."

"Wuv you too," Katie whispered, tentatively letting go of him and climbing back into Liz's lap.

Derek sighed as he stood and walked back to Meredith, who was handing Dan back to Kathleen with a nervous expression on her face. "Ready to go into the city?" he asked.

"I guess," Meredith sighed as she followed him up the stairs to his room.

"They'll be fine, Mer," he promised, though he knew he was trying to convince himself as much as her. "We need this."

"I know we do," she sighed as she pulled a sweater over her head. "I've never really been to the city."

"Never?" Derek frowned.

"I grew up in Boston," Meredith shrugged. "It seemed stupid to leave one city just to go to another."

"Well," Derek smiled, moving closer to her and pulling her into his arms. "Allow me to show you New York."

XXXXX

"Katie would kill you if she found out you brought me here without her," Meredith giggled as they walked out of FAO Schwartz later that afternoon. He had been surprised when she'd asked about "the giant toy store or whatever," but he'd happily taken her and watched as she'd searched the entire store for presents for Dan and Katie. Her real motives weren't lost on him, however, and he had watched happily as she'd explored the store.

"She'll come back," Derek nodded. "When she's old enough to really play with the toys."

"Did you come here when you were a kid?" Meredith asked, looking up at him as she looped her hand through his elbow.

"I did," Derek smiled. "Every once in awhile, our parents would take us into the city for one of our birthdays or something. And the girls would always want to go to the big stores…Macy's, Bloomingdale's. So my dad would take me here and we would spend hours playing with the toys. Back then it was simple things, action figures and board games, but…I wouldn't trade those moments for anything. And I want my kids to experience that."

"That's really sweet," Meredith smiled as they stopped at the street corner. "And they'll be glad that we got them something."

"They will be," Derek nodded. "Especially when Mommy took longer than they would have to pick out the toys."

"It was fun," Meredith defended.

"I know it was," Derek laughed. "And you're cute."

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes. "What's next?"

"Well, there are two options," Derek said.

"I like options," Meredith giggled and he smiled down at her, finally seeing her for the first time. He hadn't realized it, but he'd missed spending time with his wife Meredith, not Meredith, the mother of her children. He was incredibly happy in his life, but he was thoroughly enjoying seeing her eyes light up every time he showed her something new about the city he had called home for thirty five years.

"We could go climb the Statue of Liberty," Derek said. "Completely touristy, but well, you are a tourist."

"Or?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Or we can go see a show," Derek said.

"Broadway?" Meredith asked.

"Broadway," Derek nodded. "I know you're not a fan of theater, but there really isn't anything like a show on New York Broadway."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "What about your practice?"

"What?" Derek frowned.

"I want to see where you worked," she said. "I want to see how you lived."

"I don't even know if it still exists," Derek said. "I just…left."

"It does," Meredith nodded. "I asked your mom."

"Sneaky," Derek sighed as he moved towards the street, reaching out to hail a cab.

"Do you not want me to see it?" Meredith asked as she slid into the cab behind him.

"It's fine," Derek shrugged. "Just…different from Seattle."

"I know you were a different person then," Meredith smiled as she reached for his hand. "And I love who you are now, but…I still want to see who you were then."

"Okay," Derek said. "On one condition."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"At some point we get to go to Boston and I see all of who Meredith was pre-Derek," he smiled. "You were a different person then too, so it's only fair I get to see that girl."

"Deal," Meredith smiled, leaning forward to seal the deal with a kiss. "And as a thank you…maybe I'll bring that old girl out tonight."

"Oh really?" Derek asked, feeling a rush of heat come over his body. "That would be… appreciated."

"Hmm," Meredith smiled as she leaned closer to him, her breath tickling his ear. "Because the old Meredith…she knows how to have loud…dirty…hot sex."

"I remember," Derek laughed, reaching for his wallet as the cab pulled to a stop. "That is how we met after all."

"I thought we were never going to talk about that again," Meredith giggled as she scrambled out of the cab.

"That night changed our lives," Derek smiled as he moved to stand beside her, looking at the practice that had once boasted his name.

"It wasn't supposed to," Meredith said, turning to look up at him. "One night stands are not supposed to become the loves of people's lives."

"I'm glad I picked you up," Derek said, squeezing her tightly. "Best decision of my life."

"I think so too," Meredith smiled, kissing him softly before turning to look at the building before them. "Spellman, Robinson, and Clark."

"Shepherd used to be up there too," Derek said softly.

"Do you miss it?" Meredith asked quietly.

"Sometimes," Derek admitted, knowing that she would see right through him if he wasn't honest. "I love being head of neuro, and it led me to you, but at a private practice the hours are better, things are more predictable."

"And you miss that," Meredith stated.

"Only sometimes," Derek shrugged. "But here…I saved lives of people who could afford it. And I never could have passed the trial for the Shepherd Method here."

"Considering the fact that you didn't even think of it, it would have been pretty difficult for you to do it," Meredith giggled, tugging on his hand. "Let's go."

"Inside?" Derek frowned.

"Yeah," Meredith shrugged. "Do you still talk to any of them?"

"No, they weren't too happy with me when I left," Derek shrugged. "But it's okay. We can go in."

"Dr. Shepherd?" a voice greeted them as soon as they walked into the waiting room. He smiled softly as he noticed the way Meredith immediately responded to the name as well. She'd been using his name for three years now, and he still got a thrill anytime he heard anyone else refer to her as Dr. Shepherd. That had never happened with Addison.

"Hi Madeline," he smiled at the nurse who was addressing them from behind the desk. "How are you?"

"We're doing pretty well," Madeline smiled, her eyes flickering to Meredith for a moment before returning to Derek. "The practice has really taken off."

"I've heard that," Derek smiled. "My wife and I were in town and I decided to show her around."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Shepherd," Madeline said.

"Meredith," she corrected, not bothering with the doctor title. She got a secret thrill whenever someone mistakenly called her Mrs. Shepherd, and she didn't really care if Derek's former colleagues knew if she was a doctor.

"Do you mind if I show her around?" Derek asked.

"Go ahead," Madeline smiled, gesturing to the door on the other side of the desk. "Everything is where it has always been."

"Thanks," Derek said as he pulled Meredith through the door. "What do you think?"

"I think…you're better suited for a hospital," Meredith nodded as she looked around at the expensive wood furnishings. "At least the Derek I know."

"I agree," Derek sighed. "I told you I was a different person."

"I know that," Meredith nodded as she glanced around the hallway for a moment. "I bet you can't have screaming orgasms in the exam rooms here."

"I can't say that I ever tried," Derek laughed.

"Addison never gave you any late night visits like I do?" Meredith giggled.

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "And Addison…well, she's got nothing on you."

"Good," Meredith smiled. "I do seem to remember something about interrupting bad sex."

"Don't remind me," Derek rolled his eyes.

"I mean, who knew that McDreamy could be bad in bed?" Meredith gasped. "Some of those scrub nurses at home would be very disappointed."

"I think you of all people know that I'm not bad in bed," Derek said, his voice low as he stepped closer to her.

"You might have to prove that," Meredith murmured. "Is there somewhere we can go?"

"Oh there definitely is," Derek nodded, looking around for a moment.

"Good," Meredith nodded. "Because I'm suddenly in the mood to see if they're as tolerant of your screaming as they are at home."

"Here?" Derek raised his eyebrows. She would never stop surprising him.

"You don't want to?" Meredith asked, her eyes roaming down to his tented pants. "It looks like you do."

"I definitely do," Derek laughed, grabbing her hand and looking around for a moment. When he saw there wasn't anyone around, he pushed her into a room behind him, ducking in behind her and locking the door.

"Oh, perfect," Meredith smiled as she turned to him. "A private on call room."

"Something else I miss about private practice," Derek murmured against the skin on her neck.

"Oh," Meredith smiled, her eyes drifting closed in pleasure as he worked his hands under her shirt. "Derek…"

"Preview of tonight?" Derek whispered as he pulled back to look at her, desire swimming in his eyes.

"Definite preview," Meredith nodded, wrapping her legs around his waist as she pushed him against the wall, kissing him deeply. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," Derek whispered against her lips. He knew they shouldn't be doing this, but as Meredith ground her hips on his throbbing erection, everything completely disappeared and he reached for the button of her jeans, allowing himself to succumb to the desire to be like they had before, taking advantage of each other in on call rooms.


	59. Chapter 59

Meredith smiled at Derek from across the table in the glowing light of the small Italian restaurant he had taken her to dinner to later that evening. It wasn't a fancy restaurant; it was a friendly atmosphere that welcomed both families and romantic couples, with an extensive menu and friendly wait staff that made Meredith feel strangely at home, even when she was three thousand miles from Seattle.

"So is this where you brought all your hot dates?" she giggled as the waitress walked away after taking their orders.

"Funny," Derek rolled his eyes as he poured her a glass of wine from the bottle he had ordered.

"Seriously," she said. "Is this where you proposed to Addison? Got down on one knee and had a big speech?"

"Do you really think I would take you to the place where I proposed to Addison?" Derek laughed softly.

"Well…no," Meredith shrugged, looking around the place. "But did you ever take a date here?"

Derek shifted uncomfortably and she laughed when she realized that he was trying to hide something from her.

"Oh my God, you did!" Meredith giggled. "Should I be in awe over you? Throw myself at your feet?"

"Stop it."

"Oh my God, I can't believe I'm on a date with Derek Shepherd," Meredith mocked. "I'm like…the luckiest girl at school."

"You're being ridiculous," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," Meredith coughed as she took a sip of her wine, looking closely at him. They were silent for a moment before she leaned forward and said, "Maybe we should do that, Derek."

"Should what?" he asked.

"Pretend we're on a date," Meredith shrugged.

"We are on a date, Mer," Derek stated.

"Well…we never really dated," Meredith said. "At least not to start things out. I want to see what it's like to be on a date with Derek Shepherd. We're not married, we don't have kids…we're strangers."

"You're married to Derek Shepherd," he said.

"Please," Meredith begged, leaning closer, her foot moving under the cuff of his pants, running her toes along his calf. "If you show me what a date with Derek Shepherd is like, I'll remind you of what a one night stand with Meredith Grey is like. I know you love those."

Derek swallowed hard and she giggled slightly, knowing that she had him. "Okay," he said.

"Good," she smiled, squeezing his hand tightly before letting it go and reaching for her wine again.

"So…what do you do?" Derek asked.

"Oh, we're going that way," Meredith nodded before clearing her throat. "I'm a doctor. Here on a conference from Seattle."

"Hmmm," Derek nodded. "What do you think of New York so far? How does it compare to the west coast?"

"I love it," Meredith nodded honestly. "Seattle is home, but there's something about New York that's just…energetic."

"I know what you mean," Derek said. "I grew up here, never lived anywhere else. It's home."

"You've always lived in the city?" Meredith asked. Part of her felt silly, but mostly it was fun.

"I grew up just outside, and then went to Bowdoin for college, then moved into the city when I went to Columbia for med school," Derek said. "Haven't left ever since. Now I live uptown, have a practice downtown."

"You must really love it here," Meredith said. She already knew everything there was to know about Derek, but somehow they had fallen into the pattern of pretending that they were strangers, having just met, and she knew that he was remembering what it felt like to have lived in the city before Seattle.

"I do," Derek nodded, as if trying to convince himself. "But sometimes I just feel so… trapped."

"Trapped?" Meredith frowned.

"Like I can't be myself here," Derek shrugged. "But my entire family is here, I'm settled in my practice…it's not like I can just leave that. They want me to stay here, and I can't leave them."

"You could," Meredith smiled softly. She was very grateful that Derek had put those feelings of obligations aside to move to Seattle and pick her up at Joe's. "You should come to Seattle sometime."

A slow smile spread across his face. "Would you show me around if I did?" he asked. "I would definitely enjoy a private tour."

"Oh, definitely," Meredith smiled, leaning towards him. "You know there are lots of ferryboats in Seattle."

"I have a thing for ferryboats," Derek responded automatically. "I'd love Seattle if there were ferryboats."

"And I know this great place where we can watch the sunrise," Meredith whispered seductively. "Of course…we'd have to stay up…all…night…long to see it. What do you think?"

"I'd be okay with that," Derek coughed.

"Good," Meredith nodded, leaning back to take another sip of her wine, examining him closely.

Before their conversation could continue, their waitress brought their salads over, and Meredith smiled softly as she watched Derek prepare it, knowing exactly what he was going to do. First he poured on the dressing, mixed it together, then sprinkled some pepper over the top. She doubt he even recognized what he was doing, but she found it comforting that she knew exactly what he was going to do before he did it. Pretending was fun, but she knew that she was very lucky to be going home with Derek Shepherd every night for the rest of her life.

"You okay?" Derek asked, pulling her out of her thoughts as she reached for her own bowl of salad dressing.

"Good," she smiled at him. "I just…love you."

Derek swallowed the bite of salad he was eating and grinned slyly. "Why, Meredith Grey, I believe that is very forward for a first date leading to a one night stand," he smirked.

XXXXX

Hours later, Meredith stood beside Derek in the lobby of the Plaza hotel as they waited for the elevator. "Thanks for dinner," she breathed in his ear, her arms wrapping around his waist.

"Hmmm…I don't pick up girls very often," Derek smiled, continuing their game. "The least I can do is treat to dinner."

"And a room at the Plaza," Meredith whispered. "This is the most expensive one night stand I've ever been on."

"Nothing but the best," Derek nodded. "And I am a fancy doctor, you know. I invented the Shepherd Method."

"Well…Dr. Shepherd," Meredith purred as the elevator doors slid open. "I suppose I'll just have to make it up to you."

"That…would be much appreciated," Derek gasped as she pushed him against the wall off the elevator, kissing him deeply.

"Meredith," he gasped, leaning his head against the wall as her teeth scraped against the skin of his neck.

"We love elevators," she murmured, her hips rocking against his as she felt his erection pressing into her.

"Strangers," Derek breathed. "No…no elevators."

"Oh you like this game, do you?" Meredith asked. "I seem to remember that you didn't want to play."

"It's a good game," Derek nodded.

"Good," Meredith smiled, kissing him deeply and tugging on his hand as the doors slid open on their floor. "Well, Dr. Shepherd, we're going to have to make the most of this night together."

"No sleeping," Derek agreed as he slid the card into the lock, pushing the door open quickly.

As soon as they were in the room, Meredith wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him deeply as she pushed him backwards onto the bed. "One night stand with Meredith Grey?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded, looking up at her as she straddled him. "Please…take me for a ride, Meredith Grey."

"Okay," Meredith nodded, pulling his sweater over his head. "You need to be naked now."

"So do you."

"I can be naked," Meredith nodded as she climbed off of him, shedding her clothes quickly before she turned and watched him undress. "You're slow. You're wearing far too many clothes."

"Help," Derek gasped.

"Oh, I can definitely help," Meredith nodded, reaching for the buckle on his jeans and pulling them down, his boxers following. "Oh my, Dr. Shepherd. You are very…big."

"I want you," Derek breathed, his throbbing erection calling for her as she stood naked before him.

"I want you too," Meredith whispered, climbing back onto the bed. "I need you deep inside of me."

"Definitely deep inside of you," Derek breathed, his hands moving to her hips.

Meredith looked down at him, her eyes meeting his as she lowered herself onto his hard erection. "Oh…"

"Meredith," he breathed. "God you feel good."

"Derek," she whispered, her back arching as her breasts moved closer to his lips. "You're so hard."

"Meredith," he gasped, his hands grasping at her hips.

"What do you want?" she asked, her hips moving in slow figure eights over him.

"Ride me," Derek ordered harshly, his hand moving over her ass. "Please ride me."

Meredith silently moved her hands to his shoulders, bracing herself as she began moving her hips up and down rapidly over him, bouncing on his erection. "Yes," she gasped. "Oh, Derek…"

"Meredith," he gasped, grasping her hips tightly. "Oh fuck."

"Spank me," she ordered as his hands ran over her back. "Spank me, Derek."

"Dirty," Derek breathed, nibbling gently at her neck as he brought his hand down her ass, slapping her gently.

"Oh God," Meredith breathed, her frantic movements picking up speed. "Oh Derek, yes…"

"So beautiful," Derek breathed, slapping her ass one more time before he flipped her onto her back, hovering over her as he kept himself buried deep inside of her.

"Derek," she gasped, moving a leg to rest over his shoulder. "Please…"

"You want it hard?" Derek asked, a hand rubbing over her thigh.

"Hard and fast," Meredith nodded. "Please, Derek…fuck me hard with that hard, huge cock of yours."

Derek grunted as he pulled out of her, bracing himself on his forearms before he shoved himself back inside, thrusting in as far as he could go, repeating the motion again as she writhed beneath him.

"Derek," she gasped, her head thrashing against the pillows as he thrust into her repeatedly. "Oh God, Derek."

"You're so hot," Derek murmured in her ear. "So fucking beautiful." He continued to thrust into her before he reached for a pillow, sliding it under her hips, the new angle of his thrusts stimulating her g-spot.

"Derek!" she screamed. "Oh yes…yes…yes! Don't stop, please!"

"Meredith," he shouted her name as he felt his release building. "I'm…close."

"Please," Meredith begged. "Derek, please…don't stop."

Derek grunted her name as he pounded into her a few more times, her name coming from his lips in a loud moan as he felt her tighten around him. "Meredith," he gasped as he collapsed on top of her, his chest heaving as he rested her head between her breasts.

"Oh wow," Meredith breathed as she ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Derek, that was amazing."

"When was the last time we had sex like that?" Derek gasped, moving his head to press a kiss to her neck.

"A long time ago," Meredith breathed. "Sex and mockery?"

"Hmmm," Derek sighed. "That was fun."

"Lonely," Meredith whispered. "But fun."

They were silent for a moment before he shifted off of her and propped his head on his hand, his other hand moving to trail over her stomach. "I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," Meredith whispered, shifting onto her side.

"You okay?" Derek asked, noticing the bite mark on her shoulder.

"Yeah," she smiled. "I like wild sex, you know that."

"I do," Derek smiled. "You're very good at it."

"Is it weird that I don't even miss them?" Meredith whispered. "I mean…I should miss them, right? A good mom would miss them?"

"Mer, you've been apart from them for less than twelve hours," Derek said softly. "We've had a good day, you know that the girls are taking good care of them. It's okay that you don't miss them."

"Good," Meredith sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "We should do this at home."

"Have pretend one night stands?" Derek laughed softly.

"Dates," Meredith nodded. "Without the kids. Where we're us. We've always talked about it but never done it."

"We will," Derek nodded. "I promise. Because this…this is amazing."

"Completely amazing," Meredith nodded, giggling as she felt his penis twitching against her thigh. "Ready for round two?"

"Always," Derek nodded, rolling on top of her again. "This time slow."

"Slow is good," Meredith breathed, bringing her hands to cup his face as he kiss her deeply.

"Hmmm," Derek groaned, a hand moving to her thigh, gently pulling her leg to wrap around his waist. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

"You're so beautiful," Derek breathed, letting his erection brush against her center for a moment.

"Please, Derek," she whispered, arching her hips into him. "I need you."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he lowered himself into her, filling her completely as he let his weight sink onto her. "Oh yes."

"Derek," she whispered, her head falling back onto the pillows as he rocked his hips into her gently. "Oh…"

They were unusually silent as he rocked into her, her hips meeting his in a soft and slow pace. The silence was occasionally broken by her soft gasps and his grunts of pleasure, but as he moved slowly over her, she felt him worshipping her body with his own and felt unexpected tears pricking her eyes. She and Derek still had sex on a usual basis but usually it was hurried, squeezing it in in the morning before the kids woke up or in his office between surgeries, and it had been a long time since they had taken the time to really explore and pleasure each other. And it felt good. It had been too long since her husband had really made love to her, and it felt completely amazing.

"Meredith," he gasped as her walls tightened around his trembling cock. "Oh God."

"Come," Meredith whispered, reaching between them to stroke him where they were joined. "Come Derek."

"Not until you…come," Derek ordered breathlessly, his hips picking up pace slightly.

"Please," Meredith gasped, feeling the pleasure start to wash over her body. "Oh Derek…yes."

"Meredith," he gasped, his hips rocking into her faster. "yes…yes!"

"Oh," Meredith breathed, feeling him start to spill into her as she came in a long, slow wave. His orgasm lasted far longer than usual, and when they were finally done, she breathed heavily as she cuddled closely into his arms. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he replied, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Today was amazing," she whispered, her hands moving through a small patch of his chest hair. "Thank you."

"It was completely incredible," Derek agreed. "I love that we were able to spend the day together, just us."

"Me too," Meredith sighed. "I can't believe you got us a room at the Plaza."

"Nothing but the best for the best one night stand ever," Derek laughed slightly.

"I love you," Meredith smiled, her eyes already starting to close into a deep and satisfied sleep. She had spent the entire day just being with her husband, and it had been completely amazing.


	60. Chapter 60

"I can't believe this is your last night here," Liz sighed two weeks later as the family sat around the table at a local restaurant, joined by Carolyn and Liz. "It feels like you just got here."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she buttered part of her roll for Katie. "You'll have to come visit us in Seattle soon."

"Hopefully under better circumstances," Derek laughed as he tied a bib around Dan's neck.

"Well, I'll be out there for this little one's birthday," Carolyn smiled as she ran her hand over Dan's dark hair. "And perhaps stay until Christmas."

"At which point you might as well stay until Katie's birthday," Meredith giggled.

"I would love to," Carolyn nodded. "I do have a house there after all."

"And we have an automatic baby sitter," Derek laughed.

"Don't be an idiot, Derek Christopher," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Maybe we should all go to Seattle for Christmas," Liz said. "It would be different."

"See what Nancy has to say about that," Derek said.

"Nancy can shove it up her…"

"Small ears, Liz," Meredith giggled slightly.

"Right," Liz nodded as she glanced down at her phone. "Hopefully my kids aren't completely destroying my house right now."

"I'm sure Shawn can handle his own kids," Derek pointed out.

"You would think that," Liz rolled her eyes. "But Caitlin had to come over last time because they were trying to see who could jump off of the landing of the stairs and get the least amount of injuries."

"This is what the two of you have to look forward to," Carolyn smiled.

"Derek's better with them than I am," Meredith sighed. "Sometimes I think they don't even care about me. Never mind that I gave them both life and went through nine months of hell with both of them."

"They love you," Derek laughed. "Right Katie? You love Mommy?"

"Mommy!" Katie giggled, looking up from her coloring.

"That's right sweetheart," Derek smiled.

"Derek?" a voice interrupted their conversation, and everyone turned to look towards the sound.

"Rachel," Derek breathed, standing to greet the petite brunette that stood beside their table. "How are you?"

"Oh boy," Liz muttered. "This should be good."

"Who is she?" Meredith asked curiously. Over the past couple weeks she had learned a lot about her husband's past, seen pictures and even met a couple of high school friends who had remained in town. But there was obviously a story with this girl.

"Derek's first girlfriend," Carolyn explained softly.

"More than that," Liz muttered. "Derek lost his…" she glanced at the kids for a moment before she whispered, "she took his v-i-r-g-i-n-i-t-y."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, turning back to examine the woman standing beside her with a new eye.

"This is my wife, Meredith," Derek said, turning to smile down at her, resting a hand on her shoulder. "And our daughter Katie, and our son Dan."

"Nice to meet you," Meredith smiled.

"You too," Rachel nodded, and Meredith was struck with how…plain she was. Not in a bad way, but she would have thought that the first woman Derek had been with would have been tall and beautiful and…Addison like. But Rachel was strangely a lot like herself, and she wasn't sure whether that was a good or a bad thing.

"…that's okay, right, Mer?"

"What?" she asked, looking up at her husband as she heard her name.

"You pay such good attention to me," Derek rolled his eyes. "It's okay if Rachel joins us for desert and coffee?"

"Oh," Meredith shrugged. "Sure. I mean, she's an old friend or whatever, so of course I don't mind."

"Friend," Liz rolled her eyes, and Meredith elbowed her.

"I'm actually going to run to the rest room," she said as she started to stand. "Liz, come with me?"

"Sure," Liz nodded, eyeing her brother carefully.

"I'll order for you," Derek offered as he handed Dan a spoon to play with.

"How do you know what I want?"

"Brownie sundae with extra fudge?" Derek guessed.

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she gave in. "Okay, fine," she sighed, before turning towards the hallway towards the rest rooms. "So what's the deal with her?" she asked Liz as soon as they were out of hearing distance.

"Derek was a nerd in high school," Liz said. "But he and Rachel started dating when he was sixteen, and then they…did it a couple months later."

"So?" Meredith asked. "That's it?"

"Well, she ended up hanging out at our house a lot," Liz said, leaning against the sink. "And well…Mark was a manwhore before he even knew the meaning of the word, so he eventually moved out of Derbear's room and into the basement, where Mom knew not to bother him. But she never had a reason to think Derek really needed his privacy."

"Oh no," Meredith giggled, having a feeling that she knew where the story was going.

"Yeah, so one day Derek was supposed to be at school. I was home sick, so I got to witness the entire disturbing event. But basically Mom walked in on them and she completely freaked and ran out of the house, and broke up with Derek the next day."

"That's…" Meredith giggled slightly. "I can't believe she walked in on him."

"I'm surprised she hasn't walked in on the two of you," Liz sighed. "It's happened to all of us."

"Seriously?" Meredith frowned.

"There are seventeen kids between five of us," Liz pointed out.

"Good point," Meredith nodded. "I guess it's a good thing that I forbid Derek from anything sexual while we're at your mom's house."

"Shawn told me he was grumbling about that the other day," Liz rolled her eyes.

"So that's it?" Meredith asked. "With this Rachel girl? She's the one he lost his virginity to and your mom caught them having sex?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," Liz nodded. "He was really in love with her though. She practically lived at our house."

"What's she like?" Meredith asked, curious about her husband's first girlfriend.

"She was actually a lot like you," Liz said after a moment. "Her parents were both lawyers and were hardly ever home. She really loved Derek, and he used to say that his favorite thing in the world was to make her laugh."

"Oh," Meredith nodded. "Interesting."

"I guess he has a type," Liz said.

"What?" Meredith frowned.

"We were all shocked that he came home with Addison," Liz said. "She was completely different than Rachel. But now with you…you're obviously more of Derbear's type."

"I'm Derek's third girlfriend?" Meredith asked. They had been married for three and a half years, and she had always assumed that he'd had hundreds of girlfriends before Addison.

"Yeah," Liz nodded. "He's not Mark. He was always more interested in falling in love than sleeping around."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, wondering why she was completely thrown off by this admission. Maybe it was because they had met in a bar and had a one night stand, or maybe it was because all of the nurses at the hospital were praying that she would divorce him so they could go after him, but she had always assumed that her husband had been competition for Mark before he'd gotten married for the first time.

"Are you okay?" Liz frowned.

"Fine," Meredith smiled weakly. "Let's go."

They walked back to the table and Meredith slid into the seat beside Derek, leaning into him and pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Hi."

"Hi," he laughed. "What a greeting."

"That's for the dessert," Meredith giggled as she leaned in to take a bite from the large brownie that sat in front of her.

"This is the best dessert on their menu," Rachel said. "Of course Derek's too much of a health food freak to know that."

Meredith giggled as Derek frowned. "You haven't actually seen me in twenty years," he pointed out. "Maybe I eat chocolate now."

"Do you?" Rachel raised an eyebrow.

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes as she held a forkful up to his mouth. "Want some, Der?"

Derek stared at her for a moment before he surprised her and opened his mouth, accepting the bite of chocolate.

"Hey!" Meredith frowned.

"You offered," Derek laughed.

"Mommy!" Katie cried from across the table. "Chocolate?"

"Here sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she handed Katie a bite. "Good girl, I'm raising you right."

"I was just telling Derek how adorable your children are," Rachel said with a smile. "It's no wonder that he's raising great kids, and it's obvious that you're a great mom."

"Thanks," Meredith said, surprisingly touched by the words of the woman she had just met. "They are pretty good kids."

"They're wonderful children," Carolyn said as she looked down at her watch. "Who should be going to b-e-d soon."

"Right," Meredith nodded before she looked down at her brownie.

"They'll wrap it up, Mer," Derek laughed as he signed the credit card bill. "You can eat the rest before bed."

"You know me too well," Meredith sighed as she reached over to pull Dan into her arms.

"Just doing my job," Derek shrugged as they all stood. "It was really good to see you again, Rachel."

"You too," she smiled as she glanced at Meredith. "I'm really glad that you're happy."

"Thanks," Derek said, smiling warmly at her as he took Katie into his arms and rested her on his hip. "Take care."

"You too," Rachel said before she turned to walk towards the door.

"You good, Mom?" Derek asked as Carolyn rose, still a bit shaky.

"I'm fine, dear," Carolyn smiled. "Let's go home."

XXXXX

"Are you sure they'll be okay in Kathleen's room?" Meredith asked a couple hours later as she stood in the doorway to the bathroom that was attached to Derek's room.

"They're fine, Mer," Derek smiled, pulling his shirt over his head and moving around her into the bathroom.

"Are you sure?" Meredith bit her lower lip as she hopped on the counter, reaching for her toothbrush.

"Positive," Derek nodded, scrubbing his face carefully.

"Okay," Meredith sighed, watching him closely as he patted his face dry and moved to stand in front of the toilet. She had only realized two weeks ago how completely set in their ways they were; they had a complete night time routine in the bathroom before bed, one that they had perfected long ago so that neither of them would be in the other's way. But that had been completely destroyed when they had made their emergency visit out to New York, only to find a new routine for his house. She brushed her teeth while he washed his face and relieved himself, and then they switched. She had always found comfort in their routine of getting ready for bed together, it provided a kind of intimacy that she had never had with anyone before, and she had loved it.

But now she was wondering more and more about her husband's romantic past. He had only had two girlfriends before her. Had he had night time routines with them as well? Surely he had with Addison, but had it been as comfortable as theirs was? Had he looked at them the same way he looked at her when they woke in the morning, like nothing could go wrong in the day because he was waking up beside her? Had he held them in the same careful way he held her as they made love, had he completely worshipped their bodies with his own like he did to hers and made her completely forget her own name?

"Mer?"

The sound of her name escaping her husband's lips snapped her back to reality and she smiled up at him. "Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"Hmmm?"

"You're a million miles away," Derek said, tilting his head to the side. "Is everything okay?"

"How many women have you slept with?"

The question came out before she could even process it, and she regretted it as soon as she heard the words. Derek's eyes widened and he blinked in surprise and she quickly shook her head. "You know what, never mind," she said. "It's a stupid question, and it doesn't really matter because I know that the only woman you're sleeping with now is me, so it really doesn't…"

"Four."

Meredith stopped where she was standing, halfway between the bathroom and his bed. "Four," she repeated.

"You, Addison, Rose, and Rachel."

"Oh," Meredith nodded slowly. "Oh."

"Is there something wrong with that?" Derek asked as he took a step forward.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "No, I just…you've only been with four women. And I've been with…well, I've been with a lot of guys, so I guess that makes me a slut or whatever. But I guess I always thought you were a manwhore because you picked me up in a bar and we had a one night stand, but…you weren't. But it's really not a big deal."

"Meredith," Derek sighed, taking her hand and pulling her to sit down beside him on the bed. "What is going on in that head of yours?"

"We're happy," Meredith sighed. "We're so happy, and I love our life. We have routines, and an amazing life."

"I know we do," Derek smiled. "I love our life too."

"Did you have this?" Meredith asked. "With your other girlfriends? This…security. The comfort of doing even the most ordinary things like brushing your teeth or getting dressed, but having it feel completely special because the other person was there?"

Derek sighed as he moved to lean back against the pillows. "Not with Rose," he said. "She was…I was trying to distract myself with her. I never was in love with her."

"But you were with Addison," Meredith said. "And Liz says you loved Rachel a lot."

"Rachel was puppy love," Derek nodded. "I'll always remember her, she was the first girl I ever loved, I lost my virginity to her. She'll always have a place in my heart, but not in the kind that I still love her. We were kids, we didn't really know what we were doing."

"You were married to Addison," Meredith pointed out.

"I was," Derek nodded. "Addison was…I really loved her in med school. She was always a little pushy, but she was strong, and that was a big part of the attraction. And we were happy for awhile. During our internship, it was completely crazy, and it was nice to come home and know that there would be someone there who understood exactly what I was going through. We used to spend our days off just laying in bed, complaining about work and…doing things."

"I know you had sex with her, Der," Meredith sighed. "You can say it."

"Sorry, it's just awkward," Derek said, reaching out to twirl a strand of her hair around his fingers. "But I've never been as comfortable with anyone else as I have with you."

"Really?" Meredith breathed.

"Really," Derek nodded. "With the others…I never stopped getting ready in the morning just to watch them stand in the closet and bite their lower lip trying to figure out what to wear. I never wanted to stay up late after a six hour surgery just to eat dinner with them and hear about their day. I was never even comfortable enough with any of them to share the bathroom with them in our night time routine."

"Oh," Meredith smiled softly as she leaned into his touch.

"I do all of those things with you, Mer," he said softly. "And there are a thousand things you do every day that make my life so much better than it's ever been."

"I love you," Meredith whispered, leaning forward to brush her lips against his.

"I love you too," Derek said, pulling her to rest on top of him.

"Derek?" she whispered against his lips.

"Hmm?"

"Has this room ever seen any action?"

"Oh," Derek breathed. "Not in about twenty years."

"Since your mom caught you?" Meredith giggled

"I'm going to kill Liz," Derek groaned, flipping them to pin her to the bed.

"Derek," she breathed as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I think it's time that your room gets a show." The words were barely out of her mouth before Derek kissed her hard, leaving her feeling a strange sense of triumph. She was the one who Derek had chosen to be with forever, and she knew that the rest of the women on the planet had no idea what they were missing.


	61. Chapter 61

Derek sighed as he pulled up in front of his house and turned to look at his wife, who had been unusually quiet all day. Their discussion about his past the night before had taken him by surprise, but he had fallen asleep thinking that he had gotten through to her, that she was more comfortable in the security that she was the most important of the few lovers he had had.

But then he'd awoken alone that morning, and Meredith had barely said two words to him all day. At first it had been making sure that his mother was really well enough to stay alone again and placing several phone calls to his sisters to make sure that they would check on her frequently, and then she had focused on making sure that they had everything and that their children were ready to travel. He had reluctantly watched her worry over every little detail, doing everything she had asked him to, in hopes that when they were settled on the plane she would open up to him. But she had placed Katie on the aisle between them and immediately placed her headphones on, and he didn't think she'd said anything to him since they had gotten their bags two hours earlier. He hated this, and he needed to find out what was going on with her. It was as if something had changed overnight, and it scared him.

"Mer," he sighed, wishing that she would turn to him and tell him exactly what she was thinking about.

"Come here, sweetheart," she sighed as she slid out of the car and reached for Dan. "Daddy's going to bring your sister inside while I put you to bed. I know you're tired, baby."

Derek rolled his eyes as he moved out of the car, opening the door behind him and pulling his daughter into his arms. "We're home, princess," he whispered. "And it's time for bed."

"Daddy," Katie whimpered, burying her head in his shoulder.

"I know you're confused, baby girl," Derek laughed slightly. It wasn't even seven, but it was well past Katie's bedtime in New York, causing her to be confused and cranky. "Daddy's going to put you to bed and figure out what in the world is going on with your mother."

Katie sighed, her eyes already moving closed as he carried her up the stairs. He quickly changed her into her pajamas and tucked her into bed, tucking her pig into her bed beside her, and leaning down to press a kiss to her forehead. "Daddy loves you, Katie belle," he whispered. "Don't worry, I'm going to make sure Mommy is Mommy again by tomorrow morning."

He watched her sleep for a long moment before he turned to walk quietly out of the room, turning her night light on and pulling the door part way closed behind him. He leaned against the wall in the hallway for a moment before he pushed himself towards the stairs, searching for his wife with a determination to make her back into his wife, not the shell of a person she had been for the entire day.

"Hey," he said with a forced smile as he walked into the kitchen where she was sitting at the table, staring into a glass of red wine.

"Hi," she practically whispered without looking up at him. Her back was to him, but he was sure her eyes were missing their sparkle.

"You feeling okay?" he asked, shifting on his feet uncomfortably. He hated being uncomfortable while talking to Meredith. She was his wife, they hadn't done awkward in years.

"Fine," she replied automatically.

Derek swallowed hard as he nodded, looking down at his feet. "You want some company?" he asked after a long moment of silence. He hated asking her permission to spend time with her; they were married.

"I was going to go sit on the porch," Meredith said softly. "Watch the sunset like we used to."

Derek treaded carefully, not wanting to overstep any of the blurry barriers that she had set up around herself overnight. "I…I'll join you if you don't mind," he said hesitantly, not sure what he would do if she said no.

Meredith looked up at him for a moment. "Of course not," she said, and for a moment he thought he saw a flicker of the familiar sparkle in her eyes. "You're my husband, Derek."

"I know," he nodded, looking at her carefully for a moment before he walked towards her and leaned down to press a kiss to the top of her head. "I'll get the wine and meet you out there?"

"Okay," she nodded, standing and reaching for her glass before disappearing out the back door.

Derek reached for another wine glass and poured himself a glass, clutching the bottle in his free hand as he moved towards the back door as well, smiling softly as he set eyes on his beautiful wife, already seated on their porch swing as she stared out at the sunset over their cliff.

"Katie went down okay?" she asked, not turning to look at him as he settled onto the seat beside her.

"Yeah, she was exhausted," Derek nodded. He took a sip of his wine as he examined her closely for a moment before he asked, "Mer, what's going on with you? You've been off all day."

"Nothing," she shook her head, swirling her wine in her glass as she stared down into it. "Just…thinking."

"Meredith, you know that doesn't work on me," he said, reaching out to take her hand. "I know you better than that." She was silent for a long moment, and he asked, "Did I do something to upset you?"

"You must have thought I was a huge slut," she said suddenly, turning to look at him with tear filled eyes.

"What?" Derek frowned, not having expected that. "No, Mer, never. I would never think that about you."

"You did," Meredith said. "When I was with Finn, you called me a whore. And I always thought that you said that in a moment of hatred and didn't really mean it. But when we met…you had only ever been with two women before. And I did things, and…you must have thought I was some random bar slut who was only good enough for a night of fun and never wanted to see me ever again."

"I didn't think that," Derek said, his hand tightening around hers. He still hated himself for accusing Meredith of being a whore when they had been apart that first time, but he had thought that they had long since past that. "Meredith…if I had thought you were a slut, I would never have chased you. I wouldn't have been through hell and back just to be with you, and I definitely wouldn't have married you and had children with you, promised you forever."

"But the girls you were with…they were normal, happy girls," Meredith whispered. "They didn't sleep around like I did."

"And none of them made me feel the way you do," Derek said. "Mer, you make me happier than anyone else ever has."

"Derek, you're missing my point," she sighed, tears building behind her eyes. "I…I was a slut. I can't even remember all the guys that I've slept with, and you can count your lovers on one hand."

Derek was silent for a moment before he asked, "I don't think I ever told you what I did after I left your house that morning, did I?"

She turned to look at him curiously before she shook her head. "No, you never did," she said.

Derek nodded with a small smile. He took a sip of wine before he leaned forward to set his glass on the table in front of them. "Well, first I made sure to write down your address," he said. "Because I needed to know where you would be. And then I went back to Joe's."

"At six in the morning?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "He must have thought you were like…an alcoholic or something."

"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded. "He was there unloading a liquor order, and I followed him around asking if he had learned anything else about you the night before. Last name, job, anything."

Meredith stared at him in shock for a long moment, waiting for him to continue. "Derek," she breathed.

"And before you kicked me out," Derek said softly. "I was going to ask you out to breakfast."

"Because you'd never had a one night stand before and you felt like that was what you were supposed to do?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek shook his head. "Because for the first time in my entire life, I felt completely comfortable and safe when I was with you. You made me feel like it was okay to be me."

Meredith looked down at her wine as she shook her head. "How come you never told me that?" she asked.

"It seemed like a moot point," Derek said, his fingers moving to pull her hair out of its ponytail. "We met anyways and fell in love. I never thought that you were bothered by how we first met."

"I never was," Meredith shook her head. "But…I don't know, finding out that you were never interested in one night stands before me kind of freaked me out. If felt like…I don't know, like a fluke because you weren't supposed to do that. You never had done that before."

"And I probably wouldn't have if I hadn't been completely enchanted by you," Derek smiled softly.

"But you must have seen women you thought were beautiful before," Meredith said. "What was different about me?"

"Honestly," Derek breathed. "I don't even know. There was something about you, but I'm not sure I'll ever know exactly what it is."

"You don't?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I just…it wasn't love. But I was completely captivated by you, Mer. And I really think it was fate that made us meet the next day at work. I would have found you even if we hadn't."

"Fate," Meredith whispered. "I know you love me, Derek. I haven't doubted that in years. But it just took me by surprise to know that you've only been with a few women. I never really thought about it."

"I know you've slept with a lot of men, Mer," Derek said softly. "I don't like it, but I know that I'm the only one for you now. And you know what scares me about our relationship sometimes?"

"What?" Meredith asked, looking up at him with hope in her eyes, as if glad to know that she wasn't the only one who was still scared by parts of their relationship. It wasn't often they talked about this.

"That I'm the only real relationship you've ever had," Derek said softly. "Sometimes…I feel like I'm not a good husband, that I haven't done well at showing you what real love is."

"Derek," she breathed, sliding into his lap. "That is…so far from the truth. You're the first person who ever loved me like I should have been loved. And you're an amazing husband."

"I'm glad you think that," Derek smiled as he pushed some hair behind her hair. "You don't need to freak out about this, Mer. I was completely enchanted by you when we first met, and now I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else. Except Katie and Dan."

"Good," Meredith smiled as she leaned down to kiss him deeply. "I'm sorry for today."

"It's okay," Derek said, holding her close.

"And…" Meredith breathed, shifting to straddle him. "I think I might need to be punished."

"Oh," Derek gasped, his hands moving to her hips. "Yes."

"Here?" Meredith whispered, her hands grasping his shoulders as she leaned down to nibble on his neck.

"No," Derek shook his head, ignoring the straining in his pants as she moved over him.

"No?" Meredith frowned, pulling back to look at him. "You don't want to?"

"I do," he nodded, leaning forward to kiss her firmly. "But I want to make love to you. Not fuck you."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, leaning into him for a moment. "Come on."

Derek smiled as she took his hand and pulled him to his feet, dragging him into the house and up the stairs. This was his wife. His wife dragged him up the stairs to have sex, she giggled as he followed her up the stairs and pressed her against the wall on the landing, kissing her deeply. This was his Meredith, and he was glad that she was back.

"Wait here," she whispered in his ear as she pushed him onto the bed.

"What?" Derek frowned, propping himself up on his elbows as he watched her move towards the closet.

"Just be patient," she giggled as she pulled the door closed behind her. "And get naked," she added, poking her head back into the bedroom for a moment.

Derek quickly stripped himself of his clothes, leaning back into the pillows as he waited for his wife to come back to him, wondering what in the world she was doing in their closet. It had been a couple weeks since they had been together, since Meredith had refused to have sex with him in his mother's house, and their night at the Plaza was still a very pleasant memory in his mind. But that didn't mean he wasn't ready to have a long night that consisted of only making love to his amazing wife.

Suddenly the door to the closet opened and Meredith stood before him in a tiny negligee. She leaned against the door and smiled slyly at him as he took in the sight of her. The tiny dress barely grazed her upper thighs, and her breasts were spilling over the top of the bust seam that showed a generous amount of cleavage. He swallowed hard as he stared at her, feeling his erection twitch with an uncontrollable need to be inside of her.

"Oh, Mer," he breathed. "You look so amazing."

"Hmmm," she smiled as she moved closer to the bed, slipping on top of him. "I bought this for our wedding night," she whispered. "But I thought that we could put it to better use tonight."

Derek smiled as he ran his hands appreciatively over the curves that he had long ago memorized. "We certainly can," he breathed as he trailed his tongue down her neck to run along her bust line.

"Oh," she gasped, arching her back into him.

"Meredith," he breathed, sliding his hands under the dress and gently pulling it over her head, leaving her naked and panting on top of him. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she whispered, her hands going to his hair and she gently guided his head to her breasts. "Please, Derek."

"Hmmm," he smiled before he gently took a nipple into his mouth, scraping his teeth along the sensitive skin as he cupped the weight of her other breast in his hand. "God, you're so perfect."

Meredith smiled slightly at him as he turned her onto her back and hovered over her, his hands still moving over her body, as if he was relearning all of her curves. "Derek…"

"I love your body," Derek whispered. "Your lips are so perfect. Your eyes…they have gold flecks that sparkle when you laugh."

"Derek," she breathed, and he smiled as he moved his lips down to her neck.

"You neck is beautiful…and your breasts fit perfectly into my hands." His moved his hand to tangle with one of hers. "And your hands are so beautiful. Such long, amazing fingers." He pressed a kiss to each of her fingertips before moving to trail his lips around her belly button. "Such a beautiful belly."

"Derek…" she gasped, her back arching slightly.

"I love this stomach," he whispered. "Where both of my babies lived." He continued to move downwards, skipping over her wet center to press a kiss to each of her knees and move down her calves. "Long legs," he breathed. "Hot." He shifted to the end of the bed, bending her leg to run his tongue along the top of her foot. "Gorgeous feet."

"Derek, please," she whispered, her head thrashing against the pillows as he gently sucked on her big toe for a moment. "Please."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled as he released her foot and moved to settle his head between her legs. "And this is my favorite part."

"Please," she begged, her hands moving to fist in his hair and push him closer to her folds. "Derek…please."

Derek smiled as he nibbled gently at the skin of her inner thigh, his lips soothing the bites with gentle kisses that made her back arch, her hands moving to fist against the sheets. "Come," he ordered gently. "Come for me, Mer."

Her body shook as he moved his body to rest over her. "Derek," she gasped.

"That's it," he breathed, feeling her body contract. "Come for me, baby."

"Derek," she whimpered, her arms moving to wrap around his neck. "Oh God!" she screamed as he thrust deeply into her as her orgasm continued to shake her body.

"Meredith," he breathed, moving slowly in and out of her as she continued to shake beneath him. "God, you're so beautiful."

"Oh God!" she moaned. "God, Derek. You're amazing."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled as he moved in and out of her, his body moving softly over hers. "I love you."

"I love you too," she breathed, her eyes meeting his as she rocked her hips up to meet his. "Derek…"

"Mer," he gasped, his hips starting to move slightly faster as he felt himself coming closer to the edge. "Yes…"

"Oh, Derek," she breathed, tears filling her eyes as she cupped his face gently in her hands. "Oh, yes…"

Derek leaning in to press his lips against hers in a soft kiss, feeling his body coming closer to release. He continued rocking into her, feeling the release come over him in a soft wave as her own orgasm caused her to tighten around him. "Mer," he breathed, kissing her deeply one last time as he collapsed beside her, breathing heavily.

"Derek," she breathed. "Oh my God."

"I love you," he whispered as he reached out to stroke her cheek. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she whispered. "I'm sorry for today."

"Don't be sorry," Derek shook his head, pulling her into his arms and tangling their limbs together as he held her close. "I'm just glad that you talked to me."

"I know I freak out sometimes," Meredith breathed. "But I'm glad you're there to calm me down."

"I love calming you down," Derek nodded. "And Mer?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're the only woman I've loved this much," he whispered. "I really mean that."

"Thank you," she whispered as she rolled on top of him. "And you're the best sex I've ever had."

Derek laughed as he trailed his hands over her hips. "Round two," he nodded as he leaned in to press his lips against hers again.


	62. Chapter 62

"Derek."

A soft voice was tickling his ear, and he swatted at it before he turned to bury his face in the pillows. He had been stuck in an emergency surgery late the night before, and had called Meredith at ten, telling her that he was too exhausted to make the long drive back to their house. Since he had to be in at five the next morning, he had planned to just crash on the couch in his office, gaining over two more hours of sleep than he would have if he had gone home.

But now he was confused, because he was pretty sure that he had locked the door to his office before he'd fallen into a deep sleep, and the only person besides him who could get in was…

"Mer?" he frowned, forcing his eyes open and looking up to meet the smiling face of his wife. "What are you doing here?"

"I got cold in our bed," she smiled as she leaned down to kiss him, her hair falling around their faces. "Some I came to visit."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled as he ran his hands over her body. "As happy as I am to see you, where are our children?"

"Aunt Lexie's baby sitting," Meredith said. "Mark's on call tonight, she didn't want to be alone, so she came over for dinner."

"And now you're here," Derek said, suddenly feeling less tired. He'd barely seen her since their hurried breakfast together that morning, and he hated those days. He especially hated when they weren't able to sleep in their bed together, and he was glad that she seemed to feel that way as well.

"And now I'm here," she nodded, kissing him one last time before she stood, slipping her coat off and moving towards his desk. "You know, I've been having some…medical problems lately."

"You have?" he frowned. "Why didn't you tell me? Do you need a consult? I can page someone…"

Meredith giggled slightly as she pulled her sweater over her head and tossed it to him. "Well, these are some very private issues," she said, her voice low and sultry, and suddenly he knew what she was doing. "I think I need a specialist. A very…sexy specialist."

"Hmmm," Derek nodded, tossing her sweater to the side and moving towards her. "I would be more than happy to give you a check up, Mrs. Shepherd. It is one of the perks of being a fancy important neurosurgeon."

"Are you sure, Dr. Shepherd?" she purred, her bra coming off next as she cupped the weight of her own breasts in her hand. "I'm feeling very…breathless. And shaky. And very wet between my thighs."

"Well," Derek said, feeling his pants tighten in anticipation of what was about to come. "I think I may require you to be undress completely for this exam. That way I can see everything in perspective."

Meredith gasped as she took a step back from him. "I'm not sure that's entirely appropriate, Dr. Shepherd," she said.

Derek bit back a moan, unable to control the pleasure that surged through his body at the way she was calling him Dr. Shepherd. He knew he was going to be in trouble later when they worked together and she had to address him by his professional name, but right now all he could think about how amazing his wife looked as she stepped out of her panties and stood before him, completely naked. Her face was flushed, and her perfect body was on display for him.

"Now what, Dr. Shepherd?" she asked, running her hands over her body as she shook her hair over her shoulders.

"Now," Derek swallowed hard as he pushed the paperwork off of his desk, grateful that he still had the sense to place his laptop more gently on the filing cabinet beside the couch. "I'm going to ask that you make sure that your body looks okay. And you may have to perform some…tests for me."

"And how should I do that?" Meredith whispered, her finger moving inside her folds for a brief moment before she reached up to trail the shine over his lips, letting him taste her essence.

"Get on the desk," he ordered, backing onto the couch and shoving his scrub pants down, sighing in relief when his full and ready erection was released from its confines. "Come," he said, watching as she laid on the desk. "Make yourself come for me, and then I'll take you."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she spread her legs wide, giving him a perfect view of her body. "Dr. Shepherd," she moaned as she inserted her fingers into herself, moving with a fast rhythm that she had obviously practiced before.

"Oh yes," Derek breathed, sealing this moment into his memory. He wasn't sure he had ever been more turned on in his life, watching his wife take care of herself on his desk had to be the hottest thing he had ever seen in his life, and he lazily ran a hand over his erection. He wasn't sure he had ever been this hard before, and he was dying to be inside of his wife. But first she had to make herself come.

"Derek," she gasped, her head arching back as the ends of her long hair brushed against the surface of the desk. "Yes…"

"That's it," Derek breathed, oddly fascinated with watching her. He'd seen Meredith have more orgasms than he could ever begin to count, but there was something different about watching her from a distance, almost as if he was really seeing what he could do to her body.

"Derek," she cried as her hips arched off of the table, and he watched as she moved her fingers faster over herself.

"God, you're so fucking hot," he breathed as he squeezed his balls, trying not to come.

"Please," Meredith begged. "God, Derek, please."

"What do you want?" he asked, standing on shaky legs and moving towards where her body lay heaving on the desk.

"You," she gasped. "Please…"

"You want it hard?" he asked, running his hands over her reddened skin.

"Yes," she nodded, reaching out to wrap her fist around him. "I'm so wet," she promised. "So wet and so tight."

"Fuck, Meredith," he gasped.

"Please," she said. "You're so big, Dr. Shepherd. So hard and so big. I want you to fuck me so hard that I can't walk."

"My pleasure," Derek nodded as he grasped her hips holding her still against the cool surface of his desk as he slammed into her, spreading her legs as far as they would go and filling her as far as he could.

"Derek!" she screamed. "Oh god!"

"Fuck, you're tight," he grunted as he slammed into her again.

"Dr. Shepherd," she breathed, arching her hips to meet his.

"Yes," he moaned, his hips moving frantically as he pulled her to sit on the desk, forcing her to wrap her arms and legs around him. She gripped his hair tightly in her fists as he buried his face between her breasts, scraping his teeth against her nipple as he continued to pound into her.

"Der…"

"Dr. Shepherd," he grunted.

"Dr. Shepherd," she purred. "You're so amazing."

"You…you too."

Meredith threw her head back, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist. "Oh god," she screamed. "Yes…yes!"

Derek moaned as he felt her run her hands along his back, her nails scratching his skin as he felt himself begin to spill into her.

"Meredith!" he shouted, her walls clenching around him as she moved her hips frantically over his in orgasm.

"Dr. Shepherd!" she screamed as she came, and he felt himself spill into her as she rode her own orgasm in complete pleasure.

"Oh," he breathed as he slid out of her, watching as she leaned back onto the desk, trying to catch her breath.

"That was amazing," Meredith gasped.

"Completely," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her softly. "I'm glad you came to visit."

"Me too," she giggled, sitting up again to smooth her hands over his hair. "You have sex hair."

"That's because someone likes to tug on it during sex," Derek said, running his hands over her thighs.

"Well, you have very good orgasm pulling hair," Meredith smirked as she leaned in to kiss him again.

"Orgasm pulling hair?" Derek laughed.

"Mmmmhmmm," Meredith nodded. "Hair that's perfect for pulling while you're having an orgasm."

"Well, I'm sure glad to know that," Derek laughed.

"No one else better be pulling your hair," Meredith warned as she hopped off of the desk, wincing slightly.

"Well, Katie pulled my hair when I told her she had to take a nap yesterday," Derek laughed.

"That's just disturbing," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," Derek sighed, looking at her closely. "How long is Lexie baby sitting for?"

"Well, since she's on maternity leave," Meredith pointed out. "So she said she'll take care of them tomorrow."

"You want to spend the night in my office?" Derek laughed.

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded as she slid her pants back on. "And you know the shower in the residents' locker room?"

"Yeah," Derek said.

"I was thinking that we could try the bendy thing in there," Meredith breathed, moving closer to him. "What do you think?"

"I think that's a very good idea," Derek smiled. "You're porny tonight."

"Very porny," she purred as she sauntered towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Dr. Shepherd."

"God, it's hot when you call me that," he gasped, his hands going to her hips.

"Are you going to get a hard on every time I call you Dr. Shepherd in the OR from now on?" she giggled.

"Hopefully not," Derek sighed as he pressed his still naked body against hers. "That might be awkward."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she leaned her head against his chest. "I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled, running his fingertips gently up and down her bare spine.

"I have a question for you."

"Uh oh," Derek sighed, pulling back to look at her. "You didn't come here to distract me with sex and then tell me that you tried to cook and burned our house down, did you?"

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Ass."

"Sorry," Derek sighed as he sat down on the couch and pulled her onto his lap. "Ask away."

"Okay," Meredith nodded. "Should we invite Alex and Addison to our wedding?"

"Oh," Derek blinked, not having expected his wife to be asking him that kind of question. "I…do you?"

"I don't know," she sighed. "Lexie and I were working on the guest list after we put the kids down, and I couldn't decide. I mean, Alex is…he's Alex. We were at his wedding."

"You were his best man," Derek laughed.

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And he is so not my maid of honor."

"Right," Derek nodded. "Alex should be there."

"But Addison…"

"Is my ex-wife," Derek sighed. "Whatever you're comfortable with, Mer. I don't want you to be uncomfortable at our wedding."

"That doesn't exactly help," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," Derek laughed. "What do you want me to say?"

"I have to invite Alex," Meredith said. "But if I invite Alex Karev and guest, he'll bring Addison. I can't tell him he can't bring her."

"Would it be so bad?" Derek murmured. "You and Addison have been getting along pretty well lately."

"That doesn't mean I want my husband's ex-wife attending my wedding."

"When was the last time you thought of her as my ex-wife?" Derek asked softly.

"I….a long time," Meredith nodded slowly. "She's just Addison. Or Dr. Montgomery."

"I won't even notice if she's there or not," Derek smiled as he leaned closer to her. "The bride will be the only person on my radar that day."

"Corny," Meredith sighed as she leaned in to kiss him.

"But true," Derek nodded. "What do you think?"

"I think…that Alex has to be there," Meredith nodded. "And he should have fun. He'll have fun with her."

"So we can invite her," Derek nodded.

"As long as we keep Liz away from her," Meredith giggled slightly. "She told me that since you're not married to her anymore it doesn't matter if she bitch slaps the Prada labels off of her clothes."

"The two of them never liked each other," Derek sighed. "But I don't think either one of them will cause a scene at a wedding."

"Hopefully not," Meredith sighed. "You know I've only ever been to three weddings?"

"What?" Derek frowned.

"Christina's, Lexie's and Izzie's," Meredith sighed. "Hopefully ours will have a better ending than Christina's or Izzie's."

"It will," Derek nodded. "I promise."

"We've already been married for almost three years and nothing's torn us down yet," Meredith nodded.

"I can't believe you've only been to three weddings," Derek shook his head slightly.

"Don't mock me," Meredith frowned. "I wasn't exactly the type of person who went to weddings before I met you."

"True," Derek nodded. "This will be lucky number four."

"How many have you been to?" Meredith asked.

"Well, those three," Derek nodded. "Addison's and mine, obviously. And all the sisters'."

"Did you give them all away?" Meredith asked, playing with his hair as she smiled at him.

"I did," Derek smiled. "It was fun."

"Because you didn't have to do anything besides walk them down the aisle," Meredith nodded. "And then get drunk and do Irish jigs with your grandfather."

"Who told you about that?" Derek frowned.

"Caitlin," Meredith giggled. "She said Kathleen wanted to kill you."

"Well…I was only twenty," Derek shrugged. "Just a kid."

"Derek, I saw the video," she giggled. "It was probably the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life."

"So if I wanted to do it at our wedding?" Derek frowned.

"I would hand you the whiskey shots myself," Meredith nodded. "But you're going to be the one who explains Daddy's broken nose to our kids."

"I'm going to kill Caitlin."

"Don't worry," Meredith smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I still love you."

"You better," Derek smiled. "You're stuck with me forever."

"Crooked nose and all."

"Maybe I don't want to marry you again."

"Well, that's to bad," Meredith said as she moved to straddle him. "Because if you don't want to marry me again, we won't get to have another wedding night."

"Oh, well, that would be terrible," Derek smiled.

"Definitely," Meredith said, reaching between them to stroke his hardening penis. "We definitely can't let this go to waste."

"Meredith," he moaned. "You're insatiable."

"Are you complaining?"

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head, leaning in to suck gently at her nipple. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled, standing and tossing his scrubs to him.

"What are you doing?" he frowned.

"We're going to go try the bendy thing in the locker room shower," she said as she pulled her sweater over her head. "And maybe we won't even lock the door."

"Oh, living dangerously," Derek said as he pulled his shirt over his head and moving towards the door. "I like that."

"I know some other things that you like, Dr. Shepherd," she said softly as she followed him down the darkened halls of the hospital.


	63. Chapter 63

Meredith lay awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling as she waited for the alarm to go off. Derek was sound asleep beside her, which was unusual. Usually the only thing that would pull her from her sleep was the sound of one of her children crying or calling for her.

But not today.

Because three years ago today, two of her best friends had died, and now she had to wake up and be happy.

George and Izzie hadn't been apart of her life for three years, and she still missed them every day.

Usually she missed them in a good way; she thought about how George would have made her laugh after a fight with Derek or how Izzie would have laughed when Meredith had tried to bake Katie's birthday cake and ended up with chocolate all over the kitchen. Usually she thought that they would be happy for her with the way her life had turned out, and that made her happy.

Today was different.

Today, she felt her right hand still burning with the outline of the letters George had traced on her palm. Today she was remembering how Izzie had barely been able to walk down the aisle at her own wedding because the cancer was too advanced. Today she remembered staring at the heart monitor as George's heart failed and he became apart of her past right in front of her.

She heard the front door open downstairs, and she instantly new it was her best friend, coming to do what she hadn't done in a long time, probably in years. She smiled as the door to their bedroom burst open and Derek groaned loudly. Suddenly it was four years ago.

"Move it, McDreamy," Christina ordered, climbing into bed beside Meredith and pushing her closer to Derek.

"What?" Derek groaned, burying his face further into the pillows. "My bed. Go away. My house."

"Derek," Meredith whispered, pressing a hand to his shoulder. "Please. You know what today is, don't you?"

Derek sighed, staying still for a moment before he hoisted himself out of bed. "You okay?" he asked Meredith and she smiled, touched that he remembered what today was. He really was an amazing husband.

"Yeah," she said softly. "Just…need some space."

"Okay," he sighed, leaning in to kiss her quickly. "You two want some coffee or breakfast?"

"Please," Meredith smiled slightly.

"Consider it done," Derek smiled supportively as he slid out of bed and reached for his robe.

Meredith sighed as she turned back to look at Christina. "Three years," she whispered softly.

"I keep seeing it," Christina whispered. "Hearing her ask about the surgery over and over. Seeing her code…calling her time of death."

"I keep seeing George," Meredith whispered, holding up her right hand for inspection, as if to confirm that the numbers that were itching her skin were in fact imaginary. "I don't know how I'm supposed to go to the hospital today. They died there. How am I supposed to see my children, hold them and play like them like everything is okay? Izzie and George are dead."

Before Christina could respond, the door burst open and when Meredith looked up expecting to see Derek, she was instead met with the sight of their other fellow intern.

Alex didn't say a word as he collapsed onto the bed beside them. "Three years," he finally said after a long pause.

"Three years," Christina echoed.

"Three freaking years," Meredith sighed.

"Do you think they're still here?" Alex asked.

"I do," Meredith nodded. She had always rolled her eyes at people who believed in ghosts and psychics, but her brief experience in limbo between life and death had altered her opinions on the topic briefly. And her children's behavior towards the aunt and uncle they had never met had merely cemented her beliefs. "Katie named her pig Izzie. And sometimes when Dan smiles…he reminds me so much of George. They're still here, in my children."

They were silent for a long few moments, just staring up at the ceiling as they remembered the two that should have been with them, that should have helped them stay standing.

XXXXX

"What do you think we can do?" Owen asked later that day as he sat beside Derek in the cafeteria.

"I don't think there's much we can do," Derek sighed. "They're grieving, we have to give them that."

"I feel so useless," Owen sighed.

"Hey," Addison said as she collapsed beside Owen. "You guys were here for these past two anniversaries. Is it usually this bad?"

"Unfortunately," Derek sighed.

"Alex is usually the worst," Owed added sympathetically. "He lost his wife and his friend."

"Hmmm," Addison nodded. "Well, we should do something about it. Help them somehow."

"I don't think there's anything we can do, Addie," Derek sighed. "Just for today…they usually just spend the day cooped up in the tunnels, just the three of them. And if they feel anything like I feel every Thanksgiving…well, there's nothing that we can do to make them feel any better."

"You're never depressed at Thanksgiving," Addison frowned.

Derek stared down at the table, wondering how in twelve years of marriage he had never even told her the details of his father's death. "My dad died on November 22," he said softly. "Which more often than not, Thanksgiving falls on."

"Oh," Addison breathed, looking taken aback. "Derek, I'm sorry. You never said anything…"

"I know," Derek smiled softly. "It happened a long time ago, I've been able to move on. But for Mer and Alex and Christina, this is new. They just have to be together today."

Before Addison could say anything, the sound of a fire alarm pierced through the cafeteria, and the three of them jumped to their feet on autopilot, heading towards the door.

"What the hell is going on?" Owen shouted over the sound of the alarm ringing through the lobby.

"Dr. Hunt, there's a fire in the ER," a receptionist replied as she gripped his arm and guided him towards the door. "We need to clear out the ground floor."

As soon as Derek heard those words he turned on his heel and sprinted towards the day care, ignoring Addison's pleas for him to follow them out the door. He had to get to his children, make sure they were all right.

As soon as he opened the door to the day care he was met with a wave of crying children, panicking doctor parents, and surprisingly calm day care workers who were quickly working to move the children outside.

Derek saw Katie standing in the middle of the room, crying loudly as she looking around the room, obviously panicking. He quickly moved closer to her, pulling her into his arms. "It's okay, sweetheart," he murmured as he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Daddy's here, he's not going to let anything happen to you."

As he cradled her close, he laid eyes on Dan who was perched on the hip of a worker who was ushering children towards the emergency exit. "I'll take him," he nodded to her as he reached for Dan with his free arm and moving towards the exit himself.

As soon as he reached the safe point where other staff workers were gathered, he lowered Katie to the ground and knelt in front of her, trying to comfort both of them, look for Meredith and reach for his pager at the same time.

"Shep!" Mark shouted, moving over to them. "You're out."

"Yeah," Derek sighed in relief as Mark took Katie into his arms and tried to calm her. "Have you seen Meredith?"

Mark's face darkened, and he shook his head. "Maybe she's in surgery," he suggested. "They're not evacuating that side of the hospital."

"No," Derek shook his head, looking down at his silent pager for a moment before he reached for is cell phone, texting her. "Owen made sure not to put any of them on surgeries today. It's been three years, and they've probably been hiding out in the tunnels all day."

"Shit," Mark sighed. "The tunnels are right under the ER."

"I know that," Derek snapped.

"Derek!" Addison shouted as she moved towards him and Mark. "What the hell was that? You can't just ignore the fire alarm!"

"I had to make sure my children were okay," Derek replied, pressing a kiss to the top of Dan's head and trying to swallow his panic. Meredith should have been trying to find them. Even if she was upset about George and Izzie, she would want to know that their children were okay if there was a potential for them to be in danger. She would be paging him if she was okay.

"The tunnels collapsed!" a voice shouted over the commotion in the parking lot.

Derek felt his blood run cold and he froze for only a moment before he kissed Dan's head once more before shoving him into Addison's arms. He stepped closer to Mark and pressed a kiss to Katie's cheek, whispering that he loved her softly before he turned and sprinted back to the hospital, entering through the smoky doors of the ER.

"Derek!" Mark shouted after him. "What the hell is he doing?" he demanded as he turned to Addison.

Addison's eyes filled with tears as she held Dan tightly to his chest. "He's going after her," she said, fear lacing her voice. She turned to look at Mark, their eyes meeting in fear and concern. Their gazes locked for a moment before they each turned into the child in their arms, trying to calm them, hoping that when the day was over, they would still have both of their parents.

XXXXX

"Christina!" Meredith shouted as she pushed her way out from under the gurney she had taken refuge under when the roof had started to cave in. "Alex!"

"Here!" Alex's voice shouted from down the hallway. "Stay low!"

"Mer?" she felt a hand on her arm and felt immediate relief that her best friend was at her side. Not that it really helped when she thought that her husband and children could be hurt, but right now she had to concentrate of getting out of the smoke engulfed, clutter filled hallway.

Meredith lowered herself to her hands and knees, her lungs already filling with the smoke that filled the hallway. Her eyes were stinging from the smoke, and she tentatively made her way towards where she thought the door was.

"The door's blocked," Alex said, his voice sounding closer somehow.

"We need to find a way out," Christina replied, panic evident in her usually calm voice.

"I can't see," Meredith frowned, coughing slightly as she rubbed her hands over her fists.

"What about the windows?" Christina asked.

"Too small," Alex said, and Meredith could hear the shaking in his voice.

"What the hell are we supposed to do?" Meredith asked. "We can't just sit here. The hospital is on fire."

Before anyone could respond, there was a loud crash and more debris fell from the ceiling. There was a loud moan, and Meredith felt her stomach clench at the sound. "Derek?" she cried, tentatively making her way towards the sound.

"Mer," he tried to get her name out, but he erupted in a fit of violent coughs.

"Are you okay?" she asked, panicking slightly. "Where are you?"

"Here," he said, and she felt a hand brush against her shoulder.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demanded.

"Finding you," Derek coughed. "Are you okay?"

"I'm going to kill you for this later," she said, finding his hand and squeezing it. "But I'm glad you're here."

"Is everyone else okay?"

"We're here," Alex's voice came.

"But the door is blocked," Christina added.

"Can we try getting to another wing?" Derek asked. "The morgue is this way. I think."

"The morgue in a fire. Exactly where I want to be," Christina muttered.

"Christina," Meredith rolled her eyes, suddenly feeling a little dizzy. "Is the entire hospital on fire?" she asked.

"Just the east wing," Derek sighed. "They're evacuating."

"The day care?" Meredith asked, bile rising in her throat.

"The kids are fine," Derek nodded. "They're with Mark."

"You left them?" Meredith demanded.

"Okay, now really isn't the time for a marital dispute," Alex's voice cut in, and she heard some crashing sounds. "I think I've got a path cleared to the record hall."

"Let's try it," Derek said, squeezing Meredith's hand.

"We'll stay together," Alex said, and Meredith followed the sound of his voice as he moved through the smoke filled hallway. "Stay low and speak up if you're feeling dizzy."

Meredith held tightly to Derek's hand as they moved through the hallways. They had to stop a couple times for Christina to cough, and then Derek, but eventually they made it to a part of the tunnel where there was less debris and the smoke had thinned out.

"Here we are," Alex said as he shoved the door to the record office open and ushered the three of them inside.

As soon as she was able to breath in fresh oxygen, Meredith turned and flung herself into Derek's arms. She buried her face in his shoulder as his own arms moved to wrap around her waist. "Mer," he murmured into her neck.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for coming back for me."

"I had to," he whispered.

"Okay, we've got a small problem," Alex frowned as he pushed at the door to the record office. "Locked."

"It's Saturday," Derek breathed. "Secretaries don't work weekends, the doors are locked, only unlock from the outside."

"We can just wait, right?" Meredith asked. "Call someone?"

As Derek and Alex whipped out their cell phones, Christina cleared her throat. "I think we've got a bigger problem than that," she said, pointing to the smoke coming in through the bottom of the metal door. "I think we're trapped.

"Shit," Alex said. "Shepherd, help me."

Derek let go of Meredith to try and break the door down, eventually stepping back and shaking his head. "It's not budging," he said.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, tears filling her eyes. "Katie and Dan…"

"They'll be fine," Derek nodded. "Don't worry, Mer, we're going to get out of here."

Meredith shook her head as she felt the smoke coming into her lungs again. "No," she whispered, the room starting to spin around her.

"Meredith?" Derek asked, reaching out to steady her.

She took deep, gasping breaths, but no oxygen was getting into her lungs. She could feel her lungs burning and she gasped violently, trying to get fresh oxygen into her. She felt Derek lowering her to the ground, gripping her shoulders as he knelt over her. The smoke filled the room, eventually blocking his image from her sight, as close as he was to her. "Derek," she tried to gasp, and suddenly, his hands were gone and she heard him collapse beside her.

"Der…" she breathed before erupting into a fit of coughs. She reached out for him, meeting nothing besides handfuls of smoke, and her panic began to rise. This was it. She and Derek were going to die, and so were Alex and Christina. She was planning her wedding, they were going to go to the Bahamas for their honeymoon. They had two children who would never remember their parents, and she felt more vomit rise in her stomach.

Suddenly, she collapsed against the floor again, unable to gain the energy to sit up and find a way out of the smoke engulfed room. Suddenly, she felt a hand squeezing her own, and she frowned. Derek had collapsed on her right side, and she hadn't realized that Alex or Christina had made their way to her other side.

But then, just as her eyes began to drift shut, she saw could swear she saw the outline of George O'Malley swirling in the smoke.

"George," she choked out.

"It's okay," he said, and the hand squeezed her own again. "Just breathe."

"Can't."

"You can," he assured her. "Breathe, Mer. For Katie and Dan. For Derek."

"Der.." she gasped.

"Derek will be okay," George nodded. "It's okay, Meredith. You can breathe. Just close your eyes and breathe. It will all be okay, I promise."

Meredith knew that she must be seeing things, but in that moment she knew that she needed to hold onto the thought that George was with her. The hand squeezing her own was warm and safe, and she knew that she had to hang onto it.

George would make sure she was okay.

"Keep breathing, Meredith," George whispered, and her eyes drifted closed. She knew this was it, she was dying. She was going to leave her children motherless, and that thought scared her more than anything in the world. But as she felt herself drift out of consciousness, she knew that George would take care of everything.

"Breathe, Meredith," George said, his voice suddenly closer. "Katie and Dan will be fine. Just breathe."

Suddenly it was easier for her to breathe, and she felt herself drifting into an unconscious state. At the last moment on the brink of consciousness, she opened her eyes and saw a bright light coming towards her.


	64. Chapter 64

"Mama?"

A tiny voice broke through Meredith's subconscious, and she struggled to open her eyes to see her son sitting on Mark's lap on the chair beside her bed, looking closely at her. She blinked a few times as she looked at him.

"Mama?" Dan repeated. He was talking. She had missed his first words, but right now she was just glad to be with her son.

"Dan," she tried to gasp, but her lungs protested and she quickly fell into a fit of coughing.

"Meredith?" Mark frowned, looking up from the chart that sat on the bedside table. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah," Meredith breathed. "Hurts."

"What hurts?" Mark asked as he shifted Dan to his hip and stood over her bed, a concerned expression on his face.

"Breathing," Meredith frowned, but she reached for her baby boy anyways. "Hi sweetheart."

"Mama!" Dan exclaimed as he leaned down to rest his head against her shoulder, laughing loudly.

"Drink this," Mark ordered as he handed her a plastic cup of water. "Do you need anything else?"

"Katie," Meredith smiled slightly as Dan pulled on her finger. "And Der…where's Derek?"

"Right there," Mark said, nodding to the bed beside Meredith's, and she turned to see her husband, sleeping peacefully beside her as a heart monitor beeped steadily, indicating that he was still alive.

"Derek," she breathed, sitting up quickly and ignoring the protest from her lungs. "Is he…Mark…" she felt the panic rising inside of her, and she clutched Dan close to her. She couldn't do it again, she couldn't try to move on with her life while her husband lay in a coma for five months.

"He'll be okay," Mark nodded. "You both had pretty bad smoke inhalation, some exhaustion, and the doctors say he'll be fine."

"Good," Meredith breathed. "Where's Katie?"

"Lex has her," Mark said. "Potty emergency."

"Oh," Meredith nodded as she turned back to look at Dan. "He's talking. He knows who I am."

"Mama!" Dan cried, proving her point.

"Just started this morning," Mark said. "It seems he's not a fan of his parents sleeping all day long."

"Me either, baby boy," Meredith whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "I can't believe you're talking. Who am I?"

"Mama!" Dan giggled.

"He's a sharp kid," Mark nodded, scooping Dan off of Meredith's bed. "Who's that?" he asked as he pointed to Derek's still figure.

"Dada!" Dan shouted.

"You're so smart, Danny boy," Meredith giggled before it turned into a cough that wracked her body.

"Good job, Mini Shep," Mark said as he turned back to Meredith. "You okay, Big Grey?"

"You need to be more creative in the nicknames you have for my family," Meredith rolled her eyes. They talked for a few more minutes before the door to their hospital room was pushed open.

"Uncle Mark, Aunt Lex says your baby…Mommy!" Katie's voice cried as the door was slowly pushed open. She ran towards Meredith's bed, followed at a much slower pace by a very pregnant Lexie. "You wake!"

"I'm awake," Meredith smiled as Mark lifted Katie onto her bed. "Did we scare you, Katie bug?"

"Daddy wake?" Katie asked, looking over at Derek's bed where he still slept. "Daddy sleeping, Mommy?"

Meredith sighed as she leaned in to press her lips against Katie's cheek. Before she could say anything, however, a weak male voice came from across the room, filling her heart with relief. "Daddy's awake," her husband moaned before he burst into a fit of loud coughing.

"Daddy!" Katie cried, trying to scramble off of Meredith's bed and falling into Mark's free arm as he tried to catch her.

"Be careful, Katie," Meredith frowned.

"Daddy!" she cried.

"Dada, Dada, Dada!" Dan chimed in.

"Well, I feel loved," Meredith sighed.

"Mer," Derek sighed as he turned to look at her, his arms wrapped around their children. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay," she nodded, before turning to look at Mark and Lexie with fear in her eyes. "Are…where are Christina and Alex?"

"They're down the hall," Lexie said. "Don't worry. They're both completely fine and angry that they're still here."

"They'll probably want to know that you're both awake," Mark added. "Come on, Lex, let's leave the four of them alone."

"You're going to make me get up?" Lexie frowned, her hands resting over her incredibly swollen belly.

"I'll buy you a double chocolate cake and let you eat the whole thing in one sitting," Mark offered.

"Done," Lexie nodded. She reached her hands out and accepted his help as he pulled her to her feet and let her rest her waist against him. "Bye guys. Let us know if you need anything at all."

"Bye," Meredith smiled as she moved out of her bed and slid onto Derek's, shifting Dan into her arms.

"Take it easy," Mark said. "The doctors should be in soon. You probably won't have to stay here very long."

Meredith coughed slightly as the door closed behind them and she turned to look at her husband.

"Dada."

"That's exactly who I am, Dan," Derek smiled softly. "Good job, little man. Daddy's very proud of your first words."

"He knows how to say our names," Meredith smiled proudly at her son. "He's getting so big."

"What my name, Dan?" Katie asked, poking her brother's chubby arm.

"Mama," Dan grinned, sending her into a fit of giggles.

"I'm not Mommy!" she giggled as she settled back against Derek's chest.

"Dada," Dan tried again.

"No!" Katie rolled her eyes. "I Katie."

"He's still learning, sweetheart," Derek said. "I bet your name will be his third word."

Katie sighed before she held up her pig and held it out to Dan, beginning a long lecture to the two of them that didn't make very much sense at all. Meredith wrapped her arms tighter around Dan and turned her head against the pillow to look at her husband, who looked much paler than usual.

"You feel okay?" she asked gently.

"Yeah," he sighed. "Lungs are a little sore. Smoke inhalation, I guess."

"Me too," Meredith whispered. "I can't believe that you came back in for me."

"I had to," Derek said, untangling a hand from Katie to twirl a strand of Meredith's hair around his finger. "You're my everything, Mer. I couldn't stand there and not know if you were okay."

"I know," Meredith nodded. She sighed as she looked down at her children, nestled tightly in their arms. "I can't believe these perfect children were almost parentless."

"It was too close," Derek said, and she met his eyes again to see them shining with tears. "We need to talk about that, Mer."

"What?" she asked.

"Who they go to if something happens to us," Derek said softly.

"What?" Meredith repeated, her heart stopping. "Derek…that's so morbid."

"I know," he nodded. "And I don't want it to ever happen. But if we don't name someone, they'll be left to the state."

"And we don't want that," Meredith sighed.

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head.

"Mark and Lexie?" Meredith asked. "Or your mom?"

"I think…Mark and Lexie," Derek nodded. "They'd make sure that they still got to see all of the family, but they'd have a more stable environment, with two guardians, and cousins to play with. Plus, Mom's not exactly in the best of health right now."

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "I hope that it's never necessary."

"I hope so too," Derek said. "Did Mark say anything about how we got here?"

"Apparently after you ran back into the hospital Addison and Mark told the fire department that you were probably going to the tunnels because they had just collapsed," Meredith said. "They came looking for you, and found the four of us."

"God, I'm glad you're okay," Derek sighed.

"Me too," Meredith whispered, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You're always saving me."

"You save me too," Derek smiled softly.

"You're the one who pulled me out of the water," Meredith said. "You came back into the hospital that was on fire for me."

"And you're the one who pulled me from the loneliest part of my life," Derek breathed. "You helped me breathe when I was suffocating myself. You pulled me out of the trailer and forced me into the OR when I didn't think I was good enough. You built me a house of candles when I was refusing to acknowledge how I really felt about this."

"I guess we do save each other," Meredith giggled slightly.

"We'll keep saving each other," Derek promised. "That's what marriage is all about."

"Especially ours," Meredith nodded. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Derek smiled. "I can't believe that we've been married for three years."

"It's flown by," Meredith nodded. "Dan's almost a year old."

"They're getting big," Derek said. "She'll start preschool next year."

"I can't believe it," Meredith said as she looked at her now quiet daughter, sleeping against Derek's shoulder.

"Mer?"

"Hmmm?"

"I know we said that we weren't going to call this our anniversary because of everything that happened that day," Derek whispered. "And we're going to have a wedding and that's when we'll really celebrate our anniversary."

"But?" Meredith prompted, knowing that her husband was leading up to something.

"Happy anniversary," Derek whispered. "This has been the best three years of my life."

"Mine too," Meredith smiled as she reached out to stroke his cheek. "Happy anniversary."

"Where do you think we'll be three years from now?" Derek asked.

"I don't know," Meredith said. "Why?"

"I just…three years from now if you had told me that we would have a beautiful house and two amazing kids, I'm not sure I would have believed them," Derek said. "So I'm wondering where we'll be in three years."

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "Katie will be five. And Dan will be almost four. And…" her voice trailed off as she looked down at Dan.

"And?" Derek asked.

"And maybe there will another Shepherd," Meredith whispered almost inaudibly.

"Another Shepherd," Derek breathed. "And how old do you think this newest Shepherd would be?"

"Maybe…two?" Meredith suggested.

"Two," Derek repeated. "Mer, that would mean that we would have to start trying for baby number three…."

"Now," Meredith asked, avoiding his eyes for a moment before she tilted her head up to meet her husband's gaze.

"Now?" Derek repeated.

"Well, not in this moment," Meredith giggled. "That might be a little awkward since your children are on the bed and we're both in the hospital where the doctor could walk in at any moment."

"Well, not right now," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But when we get home and the kids have their own rooms and we have privacy…maybe we can start trying then."

"That sounds amazing," Derek whispered. "Are you sure you're ready to have another baby?"

"In a year," Meredith nodded.

"Well, it's us," Derek laughed. "We didn't try for either of these little monsters."

"Derek," she hissed. "They're not supposed to know that they weren't planned."

"They're sleeping," Derek shrugged.

"Still," Meredith sighed, pressing a kiss to Dan's forehead. "I just love them so much. I don't care that they weren't ever planned, they're my children."

"I know," Derek said. "I love them too."

"So why are you telling them they weren't planned?" Meredith asked.

"I'm not," Derek shook his head. "I'm having a conversation with my wife while my children are sleeping."

"About the kids," Meredith nodded.

"Fine," Derek said. "We can talk about something else."

"Like what?" Meredith asked.

"Like how I love the fact that we're trying for a baby," Derek said. "Because having sex without condoms is so much better."

"You're a pervert," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You're lucky that our children are in the room or I would have a few choice words for you."

"Well, I guess it's a good thing they're here," Derek laughed. "They're such great kids, Mer."

"They are," Meredith agreed. "We've done a good job so far."

"And we'll keep doing a good job," Derek promised. "Even when baby number three is added to the mix."

"I hope so," Meredith sighed.

"You've already outshined your mother, Meredith," Derek said softly, reading her mind like he usually did. "And you're well on your way to becoming the next Carolyn Shepherd."

"You want me to turn into your mom?" Meredith asked.

"You're a strong woman, Mer," Derek smiled. "Just like my mom. And you're pretty close to becoming the super mom that she was."

"I'm not a super mom," Meredith shook her head. "I'm just…me."

"And you are amazing," Derek said. "Meredith, you're such a great mom. You never leave our children wanting for anything, and you still find the time to be the perfect wife for me and an incredible neurosurgeon."

"You don't have to keep complimenting me because we almost just died in a fire," Meredith said softly. "Which, by the way, is the fourth near death experience we've had since we've been together."

"Bombs, ferryboats, drunk drivers and fires," Derek nodded in agreement. "We've survived a hell of a lot."

"Luckily there were some good times thrown in there too," Meredith said.

"Like the stolen nights at the trailer."

"And having babies."

"Building a house."

"Our life together has been pretty amazing," Meredith smiled, reaching down to link her fingers through his. "I can't imagine what it would be like if we'd never met."

"Me either," Derek sighed, squeezing her hand tightly. "I'd probably still be married to Addison in New York, completely miserable and not even knowing it."

"And I'd probably still be sleeping around with random men and have no emotional stability whatsoever," Meredith nodded.

"This is so much better," Derek said firmly.

"It definitely is," Meredith agreed, snuggling into her husband's warmth, glad that she was able to do so, that they hadn't lost this.


	65. Chapter 65

"What the hell is that sound?"

Derek woke to the sound of his wife's grumbling, which combined with the shrill ringing of a cell phone made his head immediately start to pound. Katie had a slight cold and had taken forever to go down, and right now all he wanted to do was sleep, not answer the phone that was ringing far too loudly.

"Phone," he mumbled into the pillow, making no move to actually get out of bed to answer the ringing phone.

"Turn it off," she ordered.

"Sleeping," he murmured.

"Your phone," she countered.

"Message," Derek nodded against the pillows, frowning as she slapped away the hand the was reaching to pull her closer to him. "Ow!"

"I swear to God, Derek Christopher, if you don't answer the damn phone, I'll make you sleep on the couch and there will never be any chances to make baby number three ever again," his wife snapped.

"Fine," Derek sighed as he reached for the cell phone that rested on his bedside table without looking at the display. "What?"

"Shep," Mark's panicking voice came over the line. "You have to help me. Lexie…she's…"

"Is Lexie on the warpath again?" Derek sighed. "Look, Mark, she's not actually going to cut off your balls. That's just something the Grey women threaten when they don't get enough chocolate."

"Watch it," Meredith warned from beside him.

"Lexie's in labor," Mark gasped.

"Oh," Derek said. "That's exciting, Mark. Are you at the hospital? You should stay with her, she's going to need you."

"No, I was getting her ready to go," Mark said. "But then…" he trailed off and Derek frowned into the phone.

"What happened?" Derek asked, causing Meredith to sit up and look at him carefully, worry filling her emerald eyes.

"Her water broke," Mark said, panic rising in his voice. "And she's…Chris is coming. He's coming right now."

Derek rolled his eyes and motioned for Meredith to go back to bed. "Maybe you missed that day of med school, Mark, but a woman's water is supposed to break when she's in labor," he said. Sometimes his best friend was a complete idiot. He wasn't exactly sure why Mark was calling him right now.

"I know, but I freaked out," Mark sighed. "And you've done this before. So I called you."

"So where is Lexie right now?" Derek asked.

"Couch," Mark replied. "Shop, you have to tell me what to do here. I have no idea what to do, but you know, right?"

"You do remember that the second Mer went into labor with Katie I threw up all over the kitchen, don't you?" Derek asked as he tried to stifle a laugh. Mark was completely freaking out.

"But you knew what to do when Dan was born," Mark pointed out. "So…tell me what I'm supposed to do now."

"Mark," Derek rolled his eyes. "Just get her to the hospital. Believe it or not, they have delivered babies there before."

"Hospital," Mark repeated, as if he hadn't even thought of that possibility and completely ignoring Derek's sarcasm. "Okay, thanks, Shep."

"You're welcome," Derek nodded, not wanting to tell his best friend that that had probably been the dumbest piece of advice he had ever given him in his life. "Call us when Chris gets here."

"Of course," Mark said before the line went dead. Derek shook his head as he snapped his phone shut and put it on the dresser.

"We're about to be an aunt and uncle again," Derek murmured to his wife as he crawled back into bed beside her and pulled her back into his arms again, tangling his legs with hers.

"Chris is coming?" Meredith whispered into his chest as she cuddled into him, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Chris is coming," Derek confirmed. "Dan's best friend is finally going to be a real person, not a fetus."

"You're crazy."

"You love me."

"Sometimes."

"Only sometimes?" Derek raised an eyebrow. "That's not very nice."

"I'd love you more if you turned off your phone at night," Meredith offered.

"If I hadn't had my phone on, you wouldn't know that your sister is about to have a baby right now," Derek pointed out.

"I was ever entertained at the fact that Mark called you," Meredith giggled. "You're like…the worst person to give other men advice about what to do when his wife goes into labor."

"I resent that," Derek frowned.

"Derek, you threw up when I went into labor with Katie."

"And I was perfectly fine when you went into labor with Dan."

"Once you realized I was in labor," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Hey, you had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for weeks," Derek defended. "And he came a month early. How was I supposed to know that it wasn't just practice labor?"

"Maybe when my water broke," Meredith giggled.

"Okay, well at least I didn't abandon you and call someone to ask what to do next."

"I know," Meredith smiled as she leaned in to kiss him. "You were an amazing husband while I was pregnant."

"Only when you were pregnant?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"I think the screaming of your name until I was hoarse in the shower this morning proves how amazing I think you are," Meredith smiled as she rolled on top of him.

"Hmm," Derek agreed as he ran his hands over her hips. "I think I might need a little reminder right now. Since you're so mean to me all the time."

Meredith sighed as she ground her hips against his rapidly forming erection. "You're so lucky that I'm horny right now," she said as she kissed him deeply.

Before he could respond the way he wanted to, Katie's cries for him came through the baby monitor. "Crap," he sighed, holding Meredith close to him.

"Daddy!" Katie whimpered. "Mommy!"

"I'll get her," Meredith said as she pressed a quick kiss to his lips and rolled off of him. "Make sure you do something with that before your daughter gets into bed with us," she said, brushing her hand against his tightened pants before she reached for her robe and moved towards the door.

"Fuck," Derek cursed slightly as he leaned back into the pillows, trying to forget how amazing Meredith had felt as she'd slid her body on top of his, her warm skin promising to envelope him in the way he loved so much.

He swallowed hard as he heard Meredith speak gently to their daughter through the baby monitor, and he felt his brain start to become less fuzzy. His little princess was sick, and if she needed to sleep with them for the rest of the night, he was more than okay with that. He loved cuddle time with his family, even if it came at the expense of not having sex with his amazingly hot wife.

"Come here, sweetheart," Meredith murmured as she reentered their bedroom with Katie on her hip. "Mommy will get you some more medicine while you cuddle with your daddy."

"Daddy," Katie whimpered, tears falling down her face as she reached for Derek.

"Come here, sweetie," Derek smiled as he pulled her into his arms. "Are you still feeling yucky?"

"Yeah," she whimpered, one hand tightening around his t-shirt while the other clutched her stuffed pig close to her chest.

"Well, your mom's getting some medicine for you," Derek promised, pressing his lips to her forehead and frowning when she felt warmer than she usually did. "Are you hot, baby girl?"

"Yeah," Katie nodded, her cheek rubbing against his t-shirt.

"Maybe your mom can set up a fan for you," Derek said, meeting Meredith's eyes as she came out of the bathroom with a bottle of baby Tylenol in her hand. "She has a fever," he explained.

"Oh, my poor Katie bell," Meredith sighed as she pushed Katie's hair out of her face and repeated Derek's actions, her lips lingering against their daughter's forehead for a moment longer than necessary. "Alright, I'll get you a fan while your daddy gives you the medicine."

"No 'cine," Katie whispered, coughing violently for a moment as Derek held a syringe full of medicine to her mouth.

"It will make you feel better, Katie bug, I promise," Derek promised as he tried to pry her lips open.

She shook her head violently and tried to crawl out of his arms, pausing momentarily to cough as she reached Meredith's side of the bed. Derek took advantage of the opportunity to insert the medicine into her mouth, watching to make sure she actually swallowed.

Katie burst into tears as soon as the medicine hit her tongue, and she turned from Derek to reach for Meredith, who had just turned a fan on beside the bed. "Mommy!" she cried.

"I know, Katie," Meredith sighed as she crawled back into bed and pulled their daughter into her arms. "But your daddy's right. You're going to feel a lot better in the morning."

Katie sighed as she rested her head against Meredith's chest, wheezing slightly as she tried to breathe through her congestion. Meredith whispered soothing words into her ear as she drifted off to sleep. When Katie was finally still, Meredith turned to smile at Derek over the top of their daughter's head. "I love you," she said silently.

"I love you too," he replied just as silently, pressing a kiss to her lips and the top of Katie's head before he turned to the bedside table and turned the light off, settling into sleep as he held his wife and daughter close to him.

XXXXX

"Are you sure Alex is okay handling Katie and Dan?" Derek frowned as he followed his wife down the hall of the maternity floor of Seattle Grace.

"Derek, he's a doctor," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He can take care of a baby and a sick little girl. They are his niece and nephew."

"I know," Derek sighed. "I just…I hate leaving her when she's sick."

"She probably won't even wake up from her nap," Meredith pointed out. "We're not going to be here for that long."

"True," Derek said, smiling when he saw Mark walking down the hall in front of them. "Mark!"

"Shep!" Mark said as he turned around to face them, a wide grin playing over his features. "Big Grey!"

"How's Lexie?" Meredith asked. "And Chris?"

"Mommy and baby are doing wonderfully," Mark said, gesturing to a room down the hall. "She's going to be thrilled to see you. Just let me make sure that she's okay for visitors."

"Okay," Meredith said, linking her fingers through Derek's and resting her head against his shoulder.

"I can't believe he's making us wait outside," Derek frowned. "We're Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith."

"Derek, she's probably breastfeeding," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Do you really want to walk in on Lexie doing that?"

"Definitely not," Derek winced.

"That's what I thought," Meredith said, stepping forward as Mark pulled the door open again.

"Come on in," he said, stepping aside to let them enter Lexie's room.

"Oh Lexie," Meredith breathed, dropping Derek's hand to hurry towards her sister's bedside and stare down at the tiny baby, sleeping peacefully in his mother's arms. "He's beautiful."

"I know," Lexie smiled as she ran a finger over his cheek. "This is Christopher Mark Sloan."

"You're naming him after me and Mark?" Derek raised his eyebrows.

"You're definitely going to regret that in about two years," Meredith smiled as she reached for the baby. "Can I hold him?"

"Of course," Lexie said, shifting her son into her sister's arms.

"Oh," Meredith smiled, looking down at her newborn nephew. "Hey Chris, I'm your Aunt Meredith."

"And his godmother," Mark said from where he had taken a seat beside Lexie on her bed.

"Godmother?" Meredith breathed, not tearing her eyes from the small life cradled in her arms.

"You and Derek are his godparents," Lexie said. "We're Katie's, and…well, you're our best friends. In addition to being our siblings. So it only fits."

"We'd be happy to," Derek said, placing a hand on his wife's back as he looked down at the baby in her arms. "Hey Chris. I'm your Uncle Derek. Aunt Meredith is pretty beautiful, isn't she?"

"Derek," Meredith breathed, looking up from her nephew to meet his eyes. "I…baby."

"Baby?" Derek asked softly, meeting her eyes.

"I want a baby," Meredith said. "Dan's not really a baby anymore. I miss it. I want another one."

"We can have another," Derek nodded. He smiled as he leaned in close to her to whisper in her ear. "We may have already made baby Shepherd number three."

"Derek," Meredith blushed as she looked down at the baby in her arms.

"Give me my baby," Mark frowned. "He doesn't need to learn about the birds and the bees from you too."

"He is your son," Derek pointed out.

"And he needs to learn how to be a man, not a chick like his Uncle Derek," Mark said as he pulled his son into his arms. "Right, little man? Us Sloans are manly men. Unlike those wimpy Shepherds."

"I would like to point out that your son's best friend is a Shepherd," Derek said.

"Our son is twelve hours old, Derek," Lexie sighed as she leaned into the pillows, her eyes focused on Mark as he talked gently to Chris. "He doesn't have any friends."

"I've been trying to tell him that for weeks," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Our husbands are idiots."

"No," Lexie shook her head. "They're just good fathers."

"She must still be on drugs," Meredith sighed as she looped her arm through Derek's. "We'll let you have some time together. We have presents, but we wanted Dan and Katie to be there when we gave them to Chris."

"Thanks," Lexie said. "Sorry I'm not much fun today."

"We've been there twice," Derek said as he squeezed her hand. "You should enjoy your time with him. They grow up fast."

"Tell Dan that Chris is excited to meet him," Mark said as he smiled up at Derek and Meredith. "And tell the future Katherine Isobel Sloan the same thing."

"My daughter will not marry a Sloan," Derek shook his head.

"Are you saying that Chris isn't good enough?" Mark frowned.

"No, I'm saying that no one is good enough for my little princess," Derek nodded firmly.

"Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as she pulled him out of the room. "She's two. And he's not even a day old. It's a little early to be planning the wedding."

"There will be no wedding," Derek replied.

"Sorry, Lex," Meredith said as she pushed her husband into the hallway.

"It's okay," Lexie giggled slightly. "Although maybe you're right. They are kind of idiots."

"Glad to see that you've finally come around," Meredith nodded firmly. "Congratulations, Lexie. We'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Meredith," Lexie said, already reaching for her baby as Meredith pulled the door closed behind her.

"So," Derek sighed as they made their way towards the elevators.

"I want one," Meredith whispered, turning to look at him as they waited for the elevator to arrive. "Remember that feeling, Derek? To be completely elated with the feeling that we just brought a completely perfect new life into the world and to wonder what he or she is going o be like when they get older?"

"I remember," Derek smiled softly, reaching out to stroke her stomach softly. "We can have another."

"Now?"

Derek smiled slyly as the elevator doors slid open and they stepped onto the empty car. "We can try until you're pregnant," he promised.

"I think we may need to stop at some point," Meredith smiled as she pushed him against the wall and kissed him deeply.

"I suppose," Derek sighed. "But I'm going for getting you pregnant with twins this time."


	66. Chapter 66

"And make sure Katie goes to bed on time," Meredith said as she walked into the hallway of Carolyn's Seattle home. "Just because she's at Grandma's doesn't mean that the rules have to change."

"We'll be fine, darling," Carolyn smiled as she gently pushed Meredith out the door. "You go and enjoy your bachelorette party, and I promise that everything will be just fine when you and Derek come back in the morning to pick up your children. I have cared for children before, you know."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…if you have any problems at all you have to call Derek's cell phone. Because your daughters are completely evil and won't let me bring my cell phone with me."

"Because we know that if we let you bring your cell phone, you'd be calling Mom all night to check on Katie and Dan," Liz said as she reached for Meredith's arm. "Come on, Lexie and Caitlin already have prime seating at the strip club, and we have to get there before the hot ones get out."

"Elizabeth Rachel," Carolyn shook her head. "There are children in the room, watch what you say."

"Sorry," Liz rolled her eyes. "I meant to say that we don't want to miss the beginning of the delightful opera we were fortunate to get tickets for on this marvelous summer evening."

"Don't mock your mother," Carolyn laughed, kissing both Meredith and Liz on the cheek. "Have fun. And be safe."

"We will," Liz promised as she dragged Meredith towards her rental car that was parked outside of Carolyn's house.

"I can't believe you're taking me to a strip club," Meredith sighed. "I haven't been to one of those since college."

"Well, now you're getting married," Liz said. "Or…having a wedding or whatever. So you have to have strippers. It's like…a law or something. Stop complaining and start watching hot men dance around naked."

"I don't need strippers," Meredith insisted.

"And I don't want to hear the details on that," Liz said firmly as she pulled into the parking lot of a dimly lit building downtown. "It'll be fun, Meredith, I promise. And Derek's doing the same thing right now with the brothers in law. It's completely normal."

"Trust me, Derek definitely isn't seeing other women dance around naked right now," Meredith giggled.

"Do I want to know?" Liz asked as she pulled the door to the strip club open and stepped inside.

"Not unless you want to hear about your big brother being tied up so I could make sure he knew what he was coming home to," Meredith giggled as she leaned closer to whisper in her sister in law's ear. "And I do mean _big _brother. Let's just say that I have more than enough man in my bed."

"Oh gross," Liz winced. "I guess I deserved that. But I don't need to know anything about Derbear's sex life."

Meredith giggled as they moved towards the bar. "Just thought I would point that out," she said.

"Yeah, well, I'm still recovering from have to explain the birds and the bees to my five year old daughter because Uncle Derek was hurting Aunt Meredith and making her scream really loud while they were supposed to be sleeping," Liz rolled her eyes, handing Meredith a shot of tequila.

"That was so not my fault," Meredith shook her head before she knocked the shot back. "Derek does this thing where he bends me over…"

"Okay, you're not even drunk yet, and you're already sharing way too much about Derbear's sex life," Liz said. "Is this some plan to get out of going to a strip club because you're so completely against it?"

"No, but maybe it will work," Meredith said. "You remember that article about the ten positions to do before you die? Derek and I did them all."

"I need more tequila."

"In one weekend."

"Kathleen!" Liz sighed in relief as her older sister approached them. "Meredith is chatty tonight."

"You've been married to Derek for too long," Kathleen laughed as she grabbed Meredith's hand. "And that means you've officially turned into a Shepherd. We all talk too much."

"Hey Mer," Lexie giggled from where she sat at a table beside Caitlin.

"Hi Lexie," Meredith said as she sat down beside her. "First night away from Chris?"

"Yeah, Molly's watching him," Lexie sighed as she stared down at the phone resting in her lap. "Maybe I'll call to see if he's okay."

"No way," Nancy said as she came to the table and threw a stack of ones down. "We're not mothers tonight."

"We're not?" Meredith frowned.

"Nope," Caitlin shook her head, reaching for her drink. "We're here to celebrate your wedding. And talking about dirty diapers and preschool definitely isn't what we do at a strip club."

"Mmmhmm," Kathleen nodded as she looked at the man walking down the catwalk towards them, his entire body on display. "Now that is a man."

Meredith sighed as she looked around the room. All around her women were melting over the beefcakes that were strutting throughout the room, and she was pretty sure that the most fully dressed man was wearing a speedo. Five years ago, she would have completely loved this, and gotten drunk and horny before she hurried off to the nearest bar to pick up some random guy to spend the night with.

But now, all she could think was that she would much rather be at home in bed with Derek than watching her sister in law slide one dollar bills into the front of a stripper's thong that left very little to the imagination.

"Have another shot," Nancy offered Meredith. "You need to be drunker."

"Sorry," Meredith sighed as she knocked back her third shot of the night, already starting to feel light headed. She couldn't remember the last time that she had gone out drinking like this, and apparently that meant things. "I just…you're all married. Why did we have to come here? We could have gone to a bar or something."

"Because our husbands won't complain if we're going to a strip club for someone's bachelorette party," Kathleen replied.

"And if our husbands looked like that," Nancy said, pointing to the man who had just emerged on the catwalk, tanned and muscular. "We wouldn't need to come here."

"Can you imagine going home to that every night?" Liz sighed.

"Being filled with that much man?" Caitlin breathed, and the direction of her stare didn't leave anyone wondering what she was focused on.

Meredith examined him closely before she reached for another shot. "Derek's bigger than that," she said without thinking. After she knocked the shot back, she realized exactly what she had said when she was met with the gaze of all five of her sisters looking at her with a mix between disgust and curiosity. "Sorry," she offered.

"Derek's bigger than him?" Lexie asked, looking at the stripper who had made his way to their side of the catwalk, his manhood on prominent display for them. "That's…really?"

"I know," Meredith smiled smugly. "Almost seven inches."

"Alcohol," Kathleen said, grabbing a shot off of the tray that was carried by them. "Need more alcohol."

"Seven…wow," Lexie shook her head.

"Things I don't need to know about my baby brother," Nancy shook her head.

"Well, that's when he's hard." Meredith could hear herself talking, and she knew that she should stop. But the alcohol made that hard, and sometimes it was just fun to watch the Shepherd sisters squirm.

"Wait until I tell Shawn that," Liz giggled slightly. "He's just barely six."

"This is so disturbing on so many levels," Kathleen sighed.

"Seven inches," Lexie breathed. "No wonder you scream so loud when you have sex."

"Now do you all understand why this," Meredith sighed, waving her hand around the strip club. "Is not necessary?"

"For you, maybe," Nancy nodded. "But some of us have to sleep with men who are five inches."

"Okay, this conversation needs to stop before I throw up," Liz said. "And now that I'm officially not in the mood for strippers, we should do whatever Meredith wants to do."

"Good," Meredith nodded, turning to Lexie. "You should drive us to Joe's."

"Why me?" Lexie frowned.

"Because you're sober," Meredith nodded. "And because you can fit all of us in the mini van Markie bought you."

"A minivan?" Caitlin giggled. "Even Mom never drove a mini van."

"My husband is an idiot," Lexie rolled her eyes. "Our baby is nearly two months old, and Mark is already trying to have more babies. Something about beating Derek."

"Well, you better tell him that Derek is planning on getting even further ahead," Meredith giggled. "He's going to get me pregnant with twins."

"You can't actually try for twins," Nancy pointed out as the group of women rose to their feet and moved towards the door.

"Yeah huh," Meredith insisted as she climbed into the front seat of Lexie's car. "The more sex you have, the more babies you conceive. You should know that, you're an obstra…ostra…you're a doctor for pregnant people."

"If that's true, then you and Derek will have like…a million babies," Lexie laughed.

"That's not possible," Meredith rolled her eyes as she turned to the backseat. "She's still a resident, not an attending like us," she whispered loudly. "She still has a lot to learn."

"Of course, Meredith," Kathleen laughed as Lexie pulled into the parking lot of Joe's. "So this is Joe's?"

"Yep," Meredith nodded as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "This is where Derek and I met. And where we got back together for the first time. And where he gave me a kidney in a jar."

"Don't ask," Lexie said to the sisters, shaking her head.

"Joe!" Meredith yelled as she walked into the bar. "Derek's sisters and I need tequila!"

"It's about time my favorite customer returned," Joe laughed. "So these are the famous Shepherd sisters?"

"That's us," Nancy nodded firmly, reaching for a shot.

Joe smirked slightly. "What's the cause for celebration tonight?" he asked.

"My bachelorette party," Meredith smiled.

"Haven't you been married for like…five years?" Joe asked.

"Three," Meredith corrected. "It was five years ago that Derek and I met here and had hot and dirty stranger sex."

"Ah, that's right," Joe nodded. "So you're just out with the sisters for a bachelorette party that's three years after the wedding?"

"No, our wedding is next week," Meredith explained. "We got married after George and Izzie…well, it's official, but we never had a wedding. So now we're going to renew our vows and have a wedding."

"And I wasn't invited?" Joe raised an eyebrow.

"Have you checked your mail?"

"Well…no."

"There's an invitation," Meredith nodded firmly. "If Joe's didn't exist…Derek and I would never have met. But tonight's the bachelorette party. So keep 'em coming, just like the old days. Remember the old days?"

"I do," Joe laughed. "Although I'm not sure that you do, with all of that alcohol you consumed every night back then."

"I remember," Meredith sighed. "Although I wish I didn't. Derek was still married to Addison."

Liz placed a comforting hand on Meredith's shoulder. "Derbear loves you now," she said, pushing another shot across the bar to her sister in law. "So…here's to Derek!"

"To Derek!" Meredith giggled as she tossed her head back, feeling the cool liquid burn her throat as it slid down.

"This is for you," Joe interrupted, pushing a beer across the bar to Meredith.

"Me?" Meredith frowned, looking around the bar. "I'm married."

"Hey, I just deliver the drinks," Joe shrugged, holding his hands in front of him defensively. "Don't yell at me."

Meredith frowned for another moment before she reached tentatively for the beer. "Derek won't mind, will he?" she asked Caitlin.

"Definitely not," Caitlin shook her head. "Oh, Mer, go get that table in the corner! We'll be back there in a minute with the drinks."

"Okay," Meredith grabbed her beer and moved quickly towards the table. With a curious glance around the bar, she wondered who had bought her the mystery beer. It had been years since someone had bought her a beer, and she wasn't sure exactly how she felt about anyone besides Derek buying her a beer.

"You know, when a man buys you a drink, it's polite to return the favor," a familiar warm breath tickled her ear.

"Derek!" she exclaimed as she turned to look at him with sparkling eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I got tired of watching with Mark and the brothers in law drooled over girls who aren't nearly as beautiful as my favorite MILF," Derek smiled as he stepped closer and ran a hand over her thigh. "You look beautiful tonight, Meredith."

"Thanks," she blushed slightly. "I…you too." She looked him up and down for a moment. "You're wearing your good looking shirt."

"I had a feeling I might run into you tonight," Derek laughed. "And I know it's your favorite."

"It definitely is," Meredith smiled as she trailed her fingers over the small patch of chest hair that was peeking out from the top button of the shirt.

"Although I would like an explanation of why my sisters can barely look at me," Derek said softly, raising an expectant eyebrow as he met his wife's gaze.

"Oh, probably because I told them how big your penis is," Meredith shrugged nonchalantly.

"Meredith!" Derek hissed, glancing at his sisters quickly before turning back to his wife.

"What?" Meredith asked innocently.

"They're my sisters," Derek sighed.

"Well, they were getting all worked up over these completely unimpressive men," Meredith shrugged. "So I had to tell them why I don't need strippers. And if it helps, you're the biggest of all the brothers. Lexie says Mark isn't even that big."

"Well, this is completely embarrassing," Derek said.

"You shouldn't be embarrassed, you should be proud," Meredith giggled. "I sure am. You're all man, baby."

"Don't call me baby," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Sorry honey."

Before Derek could respond, his cell phone rang from where it was attached to his hip, and he frowned down at it. "It's Mom," he said.

Meredith felt herself immediately sober, and she gripped his arm tightly as he raised the phone to his ear.

"Hey Mom, is everything okay….well, he was fine when we dropped him off….does he have a fever?....okay, we'll be home soon…no, I ran into the girls, so we'll come back together…yeah, just keep doing that, and we'll bring him home so he's in his own room. Thanks, Mom."

"What's wrong?" Meredith asked before he had even disconnected the phone call.

"Dan's been crying and rubbing his ears all night," Derek said, taking her hand. "Mom says he has a fever and refuses to sleep, and screams bloody murder every time she tries to put him down."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "Ear infection?"

"That's what it sounds like," Derek sighed. "I told her we'd be home as soon as possible to bring him home, and we can take him to the pediatrician first thing in the morning. You can stay out with the girls if you want, though, I can handle Dan. Katie's already asleep, so we can leave her at Mom's until tomorrow morning."

"No, I'll come with you," Meredith nodded as she followed him towards the bar where his sisters were watching them carefully. "He's going to need his mommy."

"Is everything okay?" Lexie asked as soon as Derek and Meredith were within talking distance.

"Mom thinks Dan has an ear infection," Derek said, wrapping an arm around Meredith's shoulders. "He's asking for us, so we've got to head out early."

"Poor Dan," Kathleen sighed, leaning forward to hug Meredith. "We totally understand having to take off for mommy duty. I hope he feels better soon."

"Thanks," Meredith said with a smile as she leaned into Derek's arms again. "You guys should stay out."

"Oh, we're going to," Nancy nodded firmly.

"Joe, put their drinks on Derek's tab," Meredith said as the bartender poured another round for her sisters. "It was good to see you."

"You too," Joe nodded. "I hope the Mini Shep feels better soon."

"Thanks," Meredith said as she turned back to Derek.

"He's fine, Mer, lots of kids have ear infections," her husband assured her as he led her out the door and towards the car.

"I know," Meredith smiled as she stopped in front of the passenger side of his car. "Our son's a genius, Der. He knew I didn't want a bachelorette party and all I wanted was to be at home with my family. And he made that happen."


	67. Chapter 67

"Good night, sweetheart," Derek smiled as he tucked his daughter into her bed a week later. He sat down beside her on the bed and smiled down at her as she settled into the pillows, her eyes already drifting closed. "You did a wonderful job at Mommy's and mine rehearsal tonight."

"I pretty?" Katie asked.

"You were the most beautiful flower girl the entire world has ever seen, just like a real princess," Derek said with a laugh, leaning down to kiss her forehead gently. "And now it's time for you to go to sleep, so you'll be nice and rested for our big day tomorrow. It's Mommy and Daddy's wedding."

"Wedding," Katie sighed as she hugged her pig close to her. "Love you Daddy. Good night."

"I love you too, princess," Derek smiled as he stood and pulled the safety bar up over her bed. "Good night."

As he gently closed the door to Katie's room behind him, he saw Meredith stepping out of Dan's room, and he immediately reached for her hand. "How's my little man feeling?" he asked.

"He's fine, Der," Meredith sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. "He finished the antibiotics, he's not rubbing his ears anymore. I think he's officially better. We'll keep watching for more signs though."

"Good," Derek nodded firmly, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "I need my best man to be in top shape."

"Have you actually told Mark that you want Dan to be your best man instead of him?" Meredith giggled slightly.

"He's still not talking to me since Lexie told him about your decision to spill every detail about our sex life to the sisters at your bachelorette party," Derek rolled his eyes. "He's mad because he knows that I'm bigger than he is. Even though I've been telling him that since high school."

"He's just jealous," Meredith said, lifting her head to press her lips against his. "Wine on the porch?"

"Sounds perfect," Derek said. They made their way down the stairs quickly, stopping briefly to grab a bottle of wine and glasses from the kitchen, and then they were settled on their favorite porch swing, Meredith cuddled closely in his arms as they sipped wine and looked at the setting sun over the edge of their cliff. This was one of her favorite things to do, but they hadn't had much of a chance to simply relax lately. Planning a wedding, even a small one, was a lot more complicated than she had anticipated, especially while raising two small children.

"So…it's tomorrow," Meredith whispered.

"Tomorrow," Derek smiled softly. "Are you getting cold feet? Deciding you don't want to marry me?"

"Don't be stupid," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I'm just saying, getting married is a big deal. It's completely normal if you want to freak out."

"Stop it," Meredith protested. "You know I love being married to you. I just…it's a wedding."

"It's our wedding," Derek said, squeezing her closer to him. "And it's perfect for what we want."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "And then we have a week in the Bahamas. Just us and the beach."

"A whole week for just us," Derek nodded. "No pagers, no surgeries, no kids. Just us. And lots of sex."

"Derek," Meredith giggled slightly. "We're going to do more than have sex while we're on our honeymoon."

"What?" Derek frowned.

"You promised we could drink cocktails on the beach," Meredith said. "Go swimming."

"But…sex."

"There will be plenty of sex," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just not every second of the day."

"Well, of course not," Derek shook his head. "I will give you some time to recover. But there will be lots of sex."

"Oh, how generous of you," Meredith giggled. "We need to do the things normal people do on a honeymoon."

"Normal people have sex when they go on honeymoons."

"You better shut up if you want there to be any sex at all," Meredith warned.

"I'm just saying…I still need to work on getting babies three and four into you," Derek said firmly.

"You're an idiot," Meredith giggled as she lifted her head from his shoulder to press her lips against his. "But you're my idiot. And I love you so much."

"I love you too," Derek smiled, pressing his lips against hers again before she settled back against his chest, her arms wrapping tightly around his waist. They sat together for a long moment, simply basking in each other's arms and the fading sunlight that cast a yellowish glow over their land. Chairs and tables were already set up for their wedding ceremony that would take place the following afternoon, and already Meredith could see their entire yard filled with noisy Shepherds and other various guests, laughing and talking as she and her husband finally celebrated their marriage with their families. It was going to be a wonderful day, followed by an amazing week alone with her husband in the Bahamas, where, she would only admit to herself, she desperately hoped that her husband would impregnate her with a third baby Shepherd.

Before she knew what was happening, a car pulled up to a screeching halt behind their own cars, and Derek and Meredith both sat up quickly when Nancy and Liz jumped out of the car.

"Alright, little brother, time to say good bye to your bride," Nancy said as they stepped onto the porch and stood in front of the two of them.

"Good bye?" Derek frowned, looking down at Meredith. "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," Meredith rolled her eyes as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. "Your sisters are even crazier than you."

"What did you do now?" Derek asked.

"Well, Meredith is the bride, and you're not supposed to see the bride on the wedding day before the wedding," Liz explained.

"But she's already my wife," Derek protested.

"An argument she has already used when we told her that the two of you couldn't sleep together the night before the wedding," Nancy said, grabbing Meredith's arm.

"And don't even use the 'I can't sleep without her' card," Liz rolled her eyes as she pushed Derek to sit down on the couch as Nancy pulled Meredith to her feet. "It didn't work."

"Seriously, this is stupid," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We're already married, and neither one of us believes in that tradition crap."

"Well, the rest of the Shepherd family does," Nancy said. "So come on. Liz is going to make sure Derbear doesn't sneak out. And even she doesn't know where we're going so he can't sweet talk it out of her."

"You seriously can't even trust me to stay with my children?" Derek frowned.

"Seriously, Derek, just go upstairs," Liz said, shoving him through the door. "Maybe Meredith will be allowed to call you when she gets to the undisclosed secret location."

"I don't need anyone's permission to talk to my husband on the phone," Meredith rolled her eyes. "But that won't be necessary, because I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are," Nancy said as she dragged Meredith towards her rental car. "Bye little brother, we'll see you at the wedding tomorrow!"

"I can't even kiss her goodbye?" Derek frowned.

"No," Liz and Nancy said at the same time as Liz pushed Derek into the front door, slamming it behind them.

"You know, I could call the police and report you," Meredith pouted as she crossed her arms over her chest. "This is totally kidnapping. You could get arrested."

"Right, I'd like to see the explanation you'd give the cops when they realize that you're sleeping at your mother in law's house," Nancy said, pulling into Carolyn's driveway.

"What?" Meredith frowned. "I thought I had to go to some super secret location."

"That's what we told Derek," Nancy nodded. "Because we know that he's going to try to be all stealth and sneak out. And when he does, he's going to check every hotel in Seattle, maybe Mark and Lexie's. But there's no way he'll look right under his nose."

"You know, I could just call him," Meredith pointed out as she reached into the pocket of her sweatshirt for her phone, frowning when she was met with a completely empty space. "Where's my phone?"

Nancy grinned as she held up the phone, just out of Meredith's reach. "I should have been a pickpocket, right?"

"Mean," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Stop being dramatic," Nancy said as she slid out of the car. "Mom has cookies and milk waiting for you. And your dress is already being kept here because Derek's a big fat snoop. Plus, Mom likes having someone to take care of. So do it for Mom."

"Fine," Meredith rolled her eyes as she stopped outside of Carolyn's front door. "Nancy?"

"Yeah?" her sister in law looked up to meet her eyes.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled softly. "For everything. I know we got off to a rough start, but…I really like you. And I'm glad that we're sisters."

Nancy smiled softly. "Me too," she said. "Now go let Mom spoil you for a night, and I'll see you in the morning for the wedding."

"Bye Nance," Meredith smiled as she turned the knob to step into Carolyn's house. "Mom? There better be some cookies here! I'm starving."

XXXXX

Meredith groaned as she rolled over in the uncomfortable and cold bed in Carolyn's guest room. She had tried going to sleep hours earlier, but now it was four in the morning and all she could think about was how much she missed her husband.

That man had completely ruined her.

She had spent a nice evening with her mother in law, munching on cookies and looking over old photo albums of Carolyn and Michael's wedding nearly fifty years before. But all too soon, Carolyn had retired to bed, leaving Meredith to lay wide awake in the small guest bed, desperately missing the warmth of her husband's body cuddled up against her back.

As she felt herself verging on the brink of unconsciousness, there was a series of taps at her window, and she frowned. With a deep breath, she turned the light on and shifted to look at the window, her heart nearly jumping out of her chest when she saw a face peering back at her. It took less than a second, however for her fear to turn to annoyance, and she slid out of bed to open the window.

"Derek," she hissed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I can't sleep without you," he replied as he started to climb through the window.

"You know this place has a door," Meredith rolled her eyes as she helped her husband climb safely through the window.

"It's more romantic this way," Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her softly. "Hi."

"Hi," she giggled against her lips. "How did you know I was here?"

"You weren't with any of the sisters, or Mark and Lexie," Meredith shrugged. "Plus, it's something that my sisters would do. Hide my wife in front of me, right under my nose."

"Mom will kill you if she finds you here," Meredith giggled as she moved to sit down on the bed.

"She won't know," Derek shook his head as he pulled her into his arms. "But I don't believe in bad luck anyways. So I can see you before our wedding."

"You don't believe in bad luck?" Meredith raised her eyebrows.

"Nope," Derek shook his head.

"What about the bombs?" Meredith asked. "And the comas? And the best friends dying on the same day?"

"Unfortunate events that made us stronger people," Derek nodded. "But…well, we've been through everything, Mer. There's not much else that can tear us down."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed as she leaned up to press her lips against his. "I think you're right."

"Good," Derek smiled, wrapping his arms around her.

"Derek?" Meredith murmured against his lips as she rolled him over onto his back, gently straddling his hips.

"Hmm?" he asked, running his hands gently over her back.

"Do you think…" Meredith breathed between kisses. "Would it be really bad if we…"

"Full sentences, Mer," he breathed, returning her kisses with just as much passion as she was delivering them.

"Would it be completely wrong if we had sex?" she whispered, moving her lips to suck gently on his earlobe, her hips moving against his hardening erection.

"Probably," Derek groaned as he flipped her onto her back, pressing his body hard into hers. "But we're going to do it anyways."

Meredith moaned in pleasure as he tore her shirt over her head, continuing to kiss him passionately as their clothes were quickly discarded into an abandoned pile on the floor. "Derek," she gasped as she hooked a leg around his waist. "I love you."

"I love you too," he breathed, his body hovering over hers. "I love you so much."

Meredith arched her hips to his, silently pleading with him to enter her, but before she knew exactly what was going on, she heard the loud bang of the front door open, and knew exactly what was about to happen. Derek seemed completely oblivious to her distraction, as well as the sounds coming from the living room, and before she could push him out of her and reach for clothes, the door to the bedroom burst open and Caitlin's voice echoed through the bedroom.

"Oh gross!" she cried, immediately turning to shield her eyes. "Seriously, Derek?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" Derek gasped, reaching for the comforter to pull over his and Meredith's naked bodies. "It's the middle of the night!"

"And you disappeared," Caitlin said, her back still facing them. "You two seriously can't even keep your hands off of each other for one night?"

"Can we…can we at least get dressed?" Meredith asked, her face bright red. "This is so not a conversation I want to have while I'm naked."

"Fine," Caitlin sighed, fumbling to close the door behind her. "But you're in so much trouble, Derek Christopher."

"Oh my God," Meredith breathed as soon as the door was closed. She rolled into Derek and buried her face in his chest, feeling him wrap his arms around her in an attempt to comfort her.

"Well, that was embarrassing," Derek sighed.

"Your sister just walked in on us having sex," Meredith grasped.

"My baby sister," Derek winced as he reached for his pants.

"At least it wasn't your mom," Meredith pointed out as she reached for his t-shirt that she had been sleeping in.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd, if you and your wife don't emerge from that room right now, I will not watch your children while you're supposed to be on your honeymoon," Carolyn's stern voice came through the door.

"Crap," Derek breathed. "That's her mom voice."

"Her mom voice?" Meredith asked, smoothing her hair down.

"You'll get one," Derek nodded. "The same voice you used when Katie tried to climb onto the counter to get into the cookie jar."

"Oh," Meredith said, reaching for the doorknob. "Are you decent?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed, following his wife down the hallway to the living room, where Carolyn and Caitlin were standing with matching stern looks on their faces. "Hey, Mom, Caitie," Derek flashed them a smile. "What's going on?"

"Do not play nice, Derek Christopher," Carolyn rolled her eyes. "You're forty five years old, and you're still sneaking out at night?"

"I wouldn't have had to sneak out if my wife hadn't been kidnapped," Derek countered.

"Derek, the two of you have a very important day tomorrow," Carolyn said. "You need to get sleep. So please just go home. You will see each other very soon."

"Fine," Derek sighed as he turned to his wife. "Am I at least allowed to say goodbye?"

"One minute," Caitlin rolled her eyes. "I'm tired, and I want to go back to sleep."

"I can do a minute," Derek nodded, pulling Meredith to him and kissing her deeply as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "I love you so much, Meredith Shepherd."

"I love you too, Derek Shepherd," she whispered before she reached up to press her lips against his. "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll be the one in white."

"I'll be the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle," Derek smiled, pressing his lips against hers one last time.

"Derek," Caitlin rolled her eyes from behind them. "You're already getting the rest of our husbands in trouble because you pay too much attention to your wife."

"I love her," Derek smiled as he kissed Meredith one last time, holding onto her hand as he stepped away from her. "We're getting married tomorrow."

"We're getting married tomorrow," Meredith giggled slightly as she squeezed his hand. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said, rolling his eyes as Caitlin dragged him out the door.

"Alright, Meredith Elizabeth Shepherd, I expect you to behave the rest of the night," Carolyn sighed as she locked the door behind Derek and Caitlin.

"Sorry, Mom," Meredith giggled. "But it was totally Derek's fault."

"Of course," Carolyn smiled, pressing a kiss to Meredith's cheek. "I'll see you in the morning, sweetheart. Good night."

"Good night," Meredith sighed, moving back to the bedroom she had been sleeping in and pulling the covers over her. And this time as soon as her head hit the pillow, she fell asleep almost immediately. She and her husband were getting married tomorrow.


	68. Chapter 68

"Mommy," Katie whined gently as she walked over to where Derek and Meredith were sitting at a table in the middle of their back yard.

"Hi sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she pulled out of her husband's arms and reached down to pull her daughter into her arms. "Are you getting tired? You've had a very busy day."

"No tired," Katie shook her head firmly as she rubbed her eyes gently, a sure sign that she was tired. "Flower."

"You were a wonderful flower girl, princess," Derek smiled as he reached out to run his hand over his daughter's curls. "But what do you think about spending the night at Grandma's? She's pretty tired, and she's going to want some big girl company at her house tonight."

"Dan?" Katie asked, not moving from her place nestled in Meredith's arms, her head resting against her shoulder.

"Dan's going to spend the night with Grandma too," Meredith promised. "Are you going to go home with Grandma?"

"Kay," Katie sighed, and Meredith smiled at her husband over the top of their daughter's head.

"Alright, let's go find Dan and Grandma," Meredith smiled as she stood, Derek quickly standing to follow her to the porch where Carolyn was holding a sleeping Dan in her lap.

The entire day had been completely amazing, from the morning she had spent with her sisters, to thee adrenaline that had rushed through her veins as she had walked down the aisle towards Derek as his eyes had filled with tears. The ceremony had been perfect, filled with emotion and their own words to describe their love for each other, and the reception had been amazing. Derek had even danced with her at the insistence of their very stubborn daughter.

Now it was closing in on ten o'clock, and she wasn't sure that her daughter had ever stay up this late. Lexie and Mark had left to put Chris to bed a long time ago, and his sisters were slowly leaving with their families as well. The reception seemed to be winding down, and she didn't mind at all.

She just wanted to be alone with her husband.

"Well, it looks like we've got a tired little flower girl on our hands," Carolyn nodded as she saw Derek and Meredith approaching her, Katie halfway asleep against Meredith's shoulder.

"We do," Meredith nodded. "We'll put her in the car, can you handle the two of them from there?"

"Of course," Carolyn nodded as she stood from her seat. "I have a feeling that the bride and groom want to be alone now, dear."

Kathleen smiled as she stood, reaching for Chris's hand. "We can take a hint," she nodded. "Congratulations, guys."

"That seems kind of funny to be saying since we've been married for years," Meredith giggled slightly.

"Well, seeing as we weren't invited to your first wedding, this is the time for us to offer our congratulations," Kathleen said as she first embraced Derek, then turned to Meredith to do the same.

"Good night, Kath," Derek said, reaching to shake Chris's hand. "Chris. Thanks for coming out."

"Have fun in the Bahamas," Chris said. "Bring us back another niece or nephew. Or both, if you're an overachiever."

"That's the plan," Derek laughed.

Kathleen and Chris both disappeared around the corner of the house, and Carolyn smiled softly at Derek and Meredith. "Let's get Katie loaded into the car so the two of you can be alone," she said.

Meredith leaned into Derek's arms as she walked beside him around the house to where Carolyn's car was parked. After a quick transfer of car seats from Derek's car to Carolyn's, Katie and Dan were safely loaded into the car and driven off over the hill to Carolyn's small home on the edge of their property. As soon as the car disappeared from sight, Derek turned to Meredith and pulled her tightly into his arms, relieved to finally be alone with his wife.

"And then there were two," he said, smiling down at her with the classic McDreamy gaze that had captured her heart so many years ago.

"Hmm," Meredith sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck as she reached up to kiss him gently. "This is the best part of the night," she said in a low husky voice, causing Derek's skin to tingle in anticipation.

"Definitely," Derek said, tightening his arms around her. "I love you, Meredith Shepherd."

"I love you too, Derek Shepherd," she said, pressing her lips against his one more time before she stepped back, walking towards the house as she tugged Derek behind her, a sly smile spreading across her face.

Derek followed her into the house, watching her with a captivated gaze as she led him up the stairs. He wasn't sure why this felt like it was such a big deal. He had been married to Meredith for three years, and he'd lost count of the number of times she had dragged him up the stairs to make love. They'd had sex more times than he could count, but he had never felt his heart pound in his chest with a nervousness that he had never experienced with Meredith. He knew her, knew exactly what she liked in bed, knew what made her body completely mold to his as he made love to her. But there was something about right now that made him completely nervous, and his body was already trembling in anticipation.

"Are you okay?" she murmured as they reached their bedroom and she turned to run her fingers through his still perfectly moussed hair. "You're very quiet, which isn't really like you."

"I'm perfect," Derek said, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Today was amazing. The best day ever."

"It was," Meredith agreed. "Although it's not over yet. That was just the PG version of the night."

"No?" Derek asked, feeling his body tighten in anticipation of the events to come for the rest of the night.

"Definitely not," Meredith shook her head. "I found that stash of porn in your office last week."

"It's not porn," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Oh really?" Meredith giggled as she pulled back to look at him, a playful smile coming across her lips. "Because it sure looked like a magazine full of half naked women. Which definitely qualifies as porn."

"It's a lingerie catalog," Derek stated firmly. "I was looking for your birthday present. Or…a present for me on your birthday."

"Right," Meredith nodded. "So that time I caught you taking care of yourself in your office because Katie was sick and I didn't have time to help you out, you didn't use that catalog to get things going."

"There's probably a law about being mean to your husband on your wedding night," Derek pointed out as he placed his hands on her hips and pulled her closer to him, rocking his hips against hers.

"I'm sorry," Meredith giggled, leaning up to kiss him softly. "What if I make it up to you?"

"I think that would be perfect," Derek said, rocking his hips slightly against hers. "Please make it up to me."

"Good," Meredith smiled as she pulled out of his arms. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere."

Derek smiled as he watched her disappear into the bathroom, a happy smile spread across her face. When the door was securely closed behind her, Derek turned to the bed and pulled the covers down before he stripped of his clothes, not even bothering to toss them into the hamper like he usually did. Tonight was about Meredith, it was about them celebrating their love, and he wanted to spend the entire night with her in his arms, making love to her so he could show her just how much she meant to him, now more than ever before.

"Dr. Shepherd."

The sound of his name escaping his wife's lips in a soft whisper caused Derek to turn back to the bathroom door where she was standing framed in the doorway, dressed in a piece of black fabric that could barely even be qualified as lingerie. Her hair was spilling over her shoulders in soft waves, her eyes shining as she watched him breathe her in. His eyes roamed over her body, stopping for a moment at her breasts that were almost too big for the plunging neckline before his eyes moved down her body to her legs that seemed ever longer than usual due to the hemline of her skirt that barely grazed the tops of her thighs.

"You look beautiful," he whispered, stepping closer to her, his eyes still wandering over her body.

"Thank you," she smiled, taking his hand as she looked him up and down, her eyes gleaming as she looked into his eyes. "I see you're ready. So…big and hard for me already."

"Hmm," Derek agreed, pulling her closer and rubbing his erection against her. "I'm very ready."

"Good," Meredith said softly as she stepped around him towards the bed, pulling him with her.

Derek watched with a mesmerizing stare as she leaned back against the pillows, spreading her legs as she kept her stare even with his. "Make love to me," she requested softly.

Derek's only response was to move quickly towards the bed, his body covering hers as he kissed her deeply, running his hands over the soft fabric covering her body. "Meredith," he whispered softly.

"Please, Derek," she whispered, pulling back from him slightly and guiding his hands to the zipper on the side of her dress. Silently, he slid the zipper down, pressing his lips against every inch of newly exposed skin before he pulled the skirt over her hips and gently tossed it to the floor, pausing for a brief moment to take in the beauty of his wife's naked body.

"Derek?" her voice interrupted his inner thoughts, drawing him back into the present and he smiled softly at her before he leaned in to kiss her. "What are you thinking?" she whispered softly.

"You're so beautiful," Derek breathed, running his hands all over her body. "God, I love your body."

"Don't lie," Meredith rolled her eyes, shifting underneath him, her face turning red in embarrassment.

"I'm not lying," Derek shook his head, lowering his lips to trail a series of kisses across her stomach.

"I've had two kids," Meredith said. "I'm not…my body isn't the same as it was when you first met me."

"Maybe not," Derek murmured against her skin. "But still…sexy as hell. And completely mine."

"You really believe that?" Meredith asked, and he lifted his head to meet her worried eyes.

"I know it," he said, moving up to press his lips against hers, his body hovering over hers as she kissed him back passionately. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," Derek whispered, looking deeply into her eyes as he gently thrust his hips forward, slowly sinking every inch of himself into her, groaning in appreciation as her moist walls spread to accommodate him.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, her body tightening for only a moment before she relaxed, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "Please…Derek."

"God you feel good," Derek breathed.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed, her leg moving to hook around his waist, preventing him from moving at all.

"Mer?" he asked softly.

"Don't move yet," she pleaded softly. "Please, just…still?"

"Still," Derek said, burying his face in her neck and inhaling the familiar comforting scent of lavender that followed his wife around wherever she went.

"I love you," she said again, her fingernails trailing softly against the skin of his back.

"I love you too," he whispered. "So much…Mrs. Shepherd."

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled as she slowly released her hold on him, silently telling him to begin moving.

"Meredith," he breathed as he gently pulled out of her, moving back in at a steady pace, his eyes never leaving hers. "So…beautiful."

"Oh," she gasped slightly as he pushed deeper into her, stopping his movements for a moment to allow her to adjust. "Derek…yes."

"What do you want?" Derek asked, his voice deeper than usual and strained with need.

"You," Meredith gasped. "Please, Derek…please."

"Do you want me to make love to you?" he asked, reaching down to stroke her where their bodies were joined.

"No." Her head thrashed against the pillows as she shook her head. "Not…not anymore."

"You want me to fuck you?" Derek asked, thrusting a little deeper into her and stopping when he felt the head of his penis pressing against her cervix.

"Yes," Meredith gasped, her head falling back in pleasure. "God, Derek…you're so big."

"You know what I like to hear," Derek said, quickly pulling out of her and thrusting all the way back in just as quickly.

"Derek!" she screamed loudly. "Yes!"

"Talk," Derek ordered as e continued to push into her. "Tell me what you want."

"Oh God!" Meredith cried. "Please, Derek…harder!"

"Harder," Derek breathed, picking up his pace slightly.

"Yes!" she screamed, her hands falling to the sheets and fisting them tightly. "Oh Derek…yes, yes!"

"You like that," Derek breathed, feeling his own orgasm building but trying to hold it back. He was enjoying the way his wife was writhing underneath him too much for this to end just yet.

"Yes," Meredith gasped. "Oh God…Derek, please."

Derek moaned loudly, running his hands over her body as he continued to move quickly into her. "God, you're hot," he murmured as he leaned down to suck gently at the skin on her neck, his teeth scraping softly against the skin.

"Derek!" Meredith breathed, her arms suddenly moving to wrap around his neck. "You're amazing."

"Come," Derek ordered softly, lifting his head to look deeply into her eyes. "Come for me, my Meredith."

"Ma…make me," she panted softly.

"Hmmm," Derek nodded, stilling for a moment before he picked up his pace again, his fingers moving to stroke her clit in the way that he knew drove her over the edge.

"Oh God!" Meredith screamed loudly, her back arching off the bed to meet his. "Derek…you're…you're a god."

"That's it," Derek said, continuing to pound himself into her. "Keep going. Keep coming for me."

"Oh!" Meredith cried, her entire body tightening as her walls tightened around him. "Yes…yes…oh god, yes!"

"Meredith," her name spilled from his lips as he felt his own orgasm follow hers. "Oh, yes."

"Derek," she panted, her shaking fingers moving to run through his thick hair in the same way she always did after they made love. "That was…"

"Fucking amazing."

"I was going to say incredible," Meredith giggled slightly, still trying to catch her breath. "But that works too."

"Hmmm," Derek said, slowly lifting his head from her breasts to smirk down at her. "I've never seen you that far gone."

"I…I'm pretty sure you outdid yourself," Meredith giggled slightly.

"I know," Derek smirked. "You called me God."

Meredith stared at him for a moment before she asked, "What?"

"Multiple times," Derek nodded.

"Well…I can't be held responsible for what I said while I was in the middle of an orgasm," Meredith defended.

"Which goes to prove that I'm a sex god," Derek nodded. "You might as well just say it."

"You already know that I think you're the best I've ever had," Meredith said, rolling her eyes. "Do you need me to tell you that every time we have sex?"

"It would be nice," Derek laughed slightly as he shifted out of her and rolled onto his side, propping his head on his elbow as he stared down at Meredith, the fingers of his other hand tangling with hers.

"Well, if you keep delivering sex that amazing, we might have a deal," Meredith giggled as she looked up at him. "I love you."

"I love you too," Derek smiled, leaning down to kiss her softly. "Meredith Shepherd."

"Hmm," she sighed as she leaned into his touch. "We're married again."

"We never actually stopped being married," Derek pointed out with a smirk.

"You know what I mean," Meredith rolled her eyes. "We had a wedding."

"A perfect wedding," Derek agreed. "And now we're on our honeymoon."

"Honeymoon," Meredith whispered, testing out the word. "We never even had a honeymoon the first time around. Unless you count New York."

"I don't," Derek shook his head. "That was…not a honeymoon. That was you coming home with me for the first time."

"Hmm," Meredith sighed as she kissed him again. "This was the best honeymoon ever."

"Oh, it's just getting started," Derek promised as he leaned in to kiss her again. She giggled as she rolled him onto his back and straddled him, and as he stared up at her, all he could think was how he couldn't wait for the two of them to be alone together.


	69. Chapter 69

"Mama!"

Meredith giggled slightly as she and Derek approached Dan's crib. "Good morning sweetheart," she said as she reached into the crib, pulling him into her arms and pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

"Mama!" Dan shouted again.

"It's your birthday, little man," Derek said, running a hand over his son's thick hair. "You're a year old today."

"Dada!"

"We really need to work on getting some more words into your vocabulary," Meredith giggled.

"Tee!"

"Happy birthday, Dan!" Katie giggled from the doorway before she ran towards her parents and brother.

"What are you doing out of bed, Katie?" Derek laughed, reaching down to crouch beside his daughter.

"I have presents," Katie said as she held her hands up for Derek to pick her up and hold her.

"Presents come later," Derek said, pulling her into his arms and resting her on his hip, smiling down at her.

"I think we can let the birthday boy have a present," Meredith smiled as she tickled Dan's stomach and causing him to giggle slightly. "What did you make for your brother, sweetheart?"

"I made a picture frame," Katie nodded, holding out a mess of colorful popsicle sticks glued together.

"You're giving Dan the picture frame you made in day care last week?" Derek asked.

"For me," Katie said.

"We'll put a picture of you and Dan in it," Meredith nodded. "Can you say thank you to your sister, little man?"

"Mama!"

"Thank you."

"Tee?"

"Close enough," Meredith giggled as she turned to Derek. "Pancakes for the birthday boy?"

"I think it's the birthday boy's mommy and sister that want pancakes," he laughed. "But Daddy's more than happy to make them."

"Good," Meredith smiled as she moved towards the door. "I can't believe that my baby boy is a whole year old."

"Mama," Dan nodded, a wide grin spreading across his face as he reached up to pat her face gently.

"Daddy, is Dan having a party?" Katie asked as he settled her into her booster seat and handed her a coloring book to keep her entertained until he could get her breakfast into her.

"He's going to have a party this weekend," Derek explained. "Today it's just going to be the four of us."

"Why not today?" Katie asked.

"Because we wanted your grandma to be here for is party," Derek said. "And she tried really hard to get here today, but she had to go to the heart doctor tomorrow, so we're going to wait for her for your brother's party."

"Oh," Katie sighed.

"Don't worry sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she sat down beside Dan's highchair and opened a can of baby food. "We're still going to have a fun day for our favorite little man."

"I'll let that one slide since it's his first birthday," Derek laughed, flipping some pancakes onto a plate and placing them in front of Katie, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head before he turned back to the stove.

"Don't pout," Meredith giggled as she stood and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You know that the second Dan was born, you became the number two Shepherd man in my life."

"Oh, so if we have another son, I'll be demoted to number three?" Derek asked, laughter evident in his voice as he leaned into her embrace.

"Exactly," Meredith nodded, standing on her tiptoes as she pressed a kiss to his neck. "I still love you though."

"Well, thank God for that," Derek smiled. "And your second rate husband made breakfast for you and everything."

"You're a first rate husband," Meredith giggled as she reached for the syrup, pouring a generous portion over her pancakes. "Just number two Shepherd man. And you can't really argue with me about that point."

"I can't really blame you for that," Derek laughed as he turned to look at his son. "He is pretty handsome."

"Just like his daddy," Meredith giggled as she cut into her pancakes, moaning in appreciation at the taste.

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he reached into the cupboard for a box of muesli. As he reached into the fridge, the sound of a pager rang through the kitchen. He frowned as he turned to where his pager sat beside Meredith's on the counter, flashing with the indication of a new message.

"Whose is it?" Meredith frowned.

"Mine," Derek sighed as he reached for it. "It's Dr. Hunt. He needs me to come in for a surgery."

"Daddy, you gotta go be a doctor!" Katie cried from her chair, licking the syrup off of her fingers.

"I thought you took today off," Meredith said as she glanced briefly at the kids. "It's Dan's birthday."

"I did take today off," Derek said as he reached for his cell phone. "I'll call them and tell them I can't come in."

"They shouldn't even be paging you," Meredith pointed out. "It's your day off, Owen knows what today is."

"I know that, Mer," Derek snapped as he held the phone up to his ear. "Let me figure out what the hell is going on here."

"Language," Meredith replied automatically.

Derek rolled his eyes as he turned away from her, trying to hear Owen's voice on the other end of the line. Meredith sighed as she turned back to Katie, reaching for a washcloth to clean the syrup off of her face, all the while watching Derek out of the corner of her eye.

"What is it?" she asked without looking up as she reached for down to pull Dan out of his high chair.

"Car crash," Derek sighed. "It's bad, Mer."

"It's Dan's birthday," Meredith argued.

"I know, but it won't take long," Derek said. "Two hours, tops. Owen just needs me to do the surgery, he's going to let me leave as soon as it's done."

"You're seriously going to do this?" Meredith frowned. "It's your son's first birthday."

"I'll be back before his nap is over, I promise," Derek said, reaching to pull Dan into his arms. "You get it, right, buddy? Daddy has to go be a doctor for a few hours, but I'll be back for presents and dinner when you wake up from your nap."

"Just go, Derek," Meredith sighed, grabbing Dan back and turning to look at Katie. "Do you want to play outside, sweetheart? It's a beautiful day."

"Yeah!" Katie cried, scrambling out of her seat and running towards the back door. "Come play, Mommy!"

"I'll be out in a minute," Meredith sighed. "Don't go off of the porch until I get there."

Katie giggled as she disappeared out the door, and Meredith propped it open before she turned to look at her husband, her eyes hard and angry.

"Meredith," Derek breathed, stepping closer to her.

"No," she shook her head. "I'm not letting you ruin my son's first birthday. Go to work if you have to, but I'm not going to wait for you to celebrate his birthday."

"Mer, you understand…"

"You're wasting your time," Meredith sighed as she turned towards the door. "I'll see you when you get home."

Derek sighed as he watched her step outside, turning to grab his cell phone and car keys. This was bad, he knew it was bad, but he had to do it. It was part of being the head of neuro, and he would be back in time for Dan's birthday dinner tonight, so he really didn't see the big deal. He would just perform the surgery and come home, before Dan and Katie were even awake from their naps.

Everything would be fine.

But no matter how much he kept repeating that mantra in his head, he wasn't sure that his wife would be so understanding.

XXXXX

Three hours later, Derek pulled up to the house, staring at it for a moment before he reached to turn the car off. It was only one thirty, he was sure that Dan and Katie would have just fallen asleep. The surgery had gone flawlessly, and he had spent a long hour in Owen's office, hearing some life changing news. He wasn't exactly sure how to tell his wife, because he was sure that she would be even angrier than she already was with him. He knew he had to go inside and talk to her, but part of him was afraid.

Meredith never got angry. She got annoyed, she rolled her eyes and threw things at his head before they grabbed each other for hot angry sex. But he couldn't remember a time in the five amazing years that he had known her that she had been really and truly livid with him.

Except maybe when Addison had walked into Seattle Grace unannounced. But he didn't have the strength to deal with that right now.

With a deep breath, he grabbed his briefcase off of the passenger seat and stepped out of the car, slowly making his way towards the house. It was completely silent as he tossed his briefcase in his office and slipped out of his shoes before heading to the living room in search of his wife.

"Meredith?" he asked gently as he leaned against the door of the kitchen where she was standing with her back towards him, leaning over something on the counter.

"Dan's still sleeping," she offered.

Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Mer, I'm sorry," he said softly.

She was silent for a moment, and her shoulders hunched slightly in a sure sign that she was trying not to cry.

"Please don't cry," he said softly. "I know…I know I shouldn't have gone to the hospital. But we have a lot to talk about."

"No," she shook her head, finally turning to face him, her eyes red and puffy. "He's going to be awake soon, and we have to have his birthday. It's his first birthday, and we have to act like things are normal. Not like you'd understand that."

Derek tried to ignore the sharp sting that her words caused to spread in his heart. "Can't we talk about this?" he asked.

"I will not have my son's birthday be ruined," Meredith said firmly, pushing past him to move towards the stairs. "We'll have this fight later, when it's not his birthday anymore."

With that, she disappeared up the stairs, leaving him standing abandoned in the middle of their hallway.

He inhaled sharply, trying to ignore the fear that was building inside of him. This was going to be a big fight, probably one that lasted for longer than a day, but she was right. They couldn't let this spoil this day for them. He knew that he had screwed up by going to the hospital, but he also knew that it could have been one of the most amazing things that could happen to the family.

He moved slowly towards his office, collapsing into the chair and staring at the pictures in front of him. Katie smiled widely up at him, a tiara placed on her head and a tea set on her plastic table in front of her. Dan was staring up at him with the curious smile he always put on when he was introduced to something new. And Meredith…his beautiful Meredith was giggling in the way he loved as he cradled her in her arms at their wedding, just two months before.

After a moment of contemplation, he reached for his briefcase and pulled out the set of papers that he had received upon leaving Owen's office, staring down at the heading on the cover letter for a long moment.

_New York General Hospital Chief of surgery_

It had been a complete surprise when Owen had called him into his office just as he was about to leave after his surgery. There he'd been more than surprised to find the head of New York General's board, there to interview him on the spot for the recent opening for chief of surgery. He'd been more than a little flattered, and honored at the same time, but now he had no idea how to explain this to his very angry wife.

He had the job. If he wanted it, all he had to do was call the board within the next week and tell them that he would start on January first, in three and a half months. And normally he and Meredith would be able to sit down and talk about this, discuss the benefits for their children and for them in either situation and ultimately decide as a team which would be better for their family.

But right now she was angrier than he had seen her in a long time, and he wasn't sure how he was supposed to deal with it. He still didn't understand why she was so upset. It wasn't as if he had run out on dinner or presents or an actual birthday party; he would never have even considered that. But Dan would never remember that he had disappeared for a few hours on his first birthday, and this decision could make their lives even better than they already were.

The sounds of Katie's footsteps running down the upstairs hall brought him back to reality and he quickly moved towards the door, not wanting his family to seem any more abandoned by him today than he already did.

"Daddy!" Katie cried as she met him at the bottom of the stairs and launched herself into his arms. "You don't gotta be a doctor anymore?"

"I will tomorrow," Derek laughed, suddenly feeling better about everything now that his little girl was nestled in his arms. "But for the rest of today I'm just Daddy."

"You're the bestest daddy!" Katie giggled as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "Is it time for presents yet?"

"You know that you don't actually get presents today, don't you?" Derek laughed.

"Why not?" Katie frowned.

"Because it's Dan's birthday," Derek smiled. "So he gets presents."

"But I'm your favorite Katie in the whole world," she said, spreading her arms wide to indicate the entire world.

"You are," Derek laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Which is why your mother and I spoil you rotten in March, when it's your birthday."

Katie sighed as she looked down at the floor. "No presents?" she asked.

"Sorry, princess," Derek shrugged. "Not until Christmas."

"Fine," Katie sighed, her eyes brightening as she looked up at the stairs. "Mommy!"

"Hi sweetie," Meredith murmured as she reached the floor, Dan cradled in her arms. "Are you hungry?"

"No," Katie shook her head. "Presents?"

"I think Daddy just told you you're not getting any presents today," Meredith smiled at her daughter, though Derek could tell it was forced. He copied his wife's actions, pasting a fake smile onto his face, trying to ignore the pain in his chest that he felt as his wife refused to meet his eyes.

"But Dan can open his presents now," Derek added. "And maybe you can help him.

"Okay!" Katie shouted as she climbed out of Derek's arms and ran towards the living room.

"I'll get the presents," Meredith murmured, handing Dan to him before she turned and walked towards his office, where the presents were buried in the closet he rarely used. Derek sighed as he pulled his son closer to him, breathing in the soft baby scent. "Hey buddy," he whispered. "I'm sorry Daddy ruined your birthday."

"Ka sa co," Dan sighed, reaching up to rub the sleep out of his still sleepy eyes.

"Hopefully you'll forgive me by next year," Derek sighed as he walked into the living room and found Katie sitting on the floor surrounded by stuffed animals and dolls. "Hi baby girl," he smiled as he settled beside her on the floor, watching with a small smile as Dan pulled himself unsteadily onto his feet and wobbled towards his sister.

"Here we go," Meredith sighed as she walked into the room, her arms full of presents. "Danny boy, why don't you sit down next to Katie? I'm sure she's going to be more than happy to help you open these presents."

Dan sighed as he plopped down beside Katie, looking up at his mother expectantly. "ta eh," he said.

Meredith sighed as she set the presents on the floor, moving to the other end of the room and leaning against the TV stand, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, her eyes trained on her children as they opened Dan's presents.

"Meredith," Derek breathed, looking at her carefully.

"Later," she snapped, not even turning to look at him. Derek sighed as he turned to watch Dan explore the new pile of toys that Katie seemed to have unwrapped in less than a minute, wondering exactly what was going to happen when the day was over.

The next few hours passed with little interaction between him and his wife. She was her normal self around the kids, even releasing a giggle when Katie began to prance around the house wearing Dan's new plastic fishing pail on her head. Katie babbled through dinner, making the silence less awkward when her parents barely spoke, and after she smashed cake all over Dan's face they were kept busy enough bathing each child and cleaning up the kitchen that it wasn't until Katie was finally asleep that he was finally able to speak with his wife.

She had disappeared to their room long before he had even started reading to Katie, and he tentatively opened the door, sighing when he saw the soft glow of candlelight coming from the bathroom door. There were only two times that Meredith ever took baths, hen she was horny or stressed, and he knew that the first option was definitely out. As he was debating whether or not to disturb her, his eyes caught on his pillow, a pile of papers resting against it.

With a frown, he moved towards the bed, his heart immediately sinking when he saw the transfer forms to New York General sitting on the pillow with a simple note from his wife.

_Feel free to go, but your children and I won't move with _ _you._


	70. Chapter 70

"Meredith," Derek sighed as he gently pushed the door to their bathroom open. "We need to talk."

"I'm not moving to New York," she said without opening her eyes or lifting her head from where it rested on the back of the tub.

"I think we should talk about this," he repeated.

"There's nothing to talk about," Meredith replied.

"There is," Derek said. "What is going on with you? You haven't done the avoiding thing in years."

"Nothing," Meredith shrugged. "This is my home. This is Katie's and Dan's home. We can't just leave it."

"It's an amazing opportunity," Derek argued.

"So go," Meredith said. "No one's stopping you. Go to stupid New York and be chief of surgery. Whatever."

"I'm not going without you or our children," Derek replied. "You're my family, we stay together no matter what."

"Could have fooled me," Meredith scoffed.

"Excuse me?" Derek narrowed his eyes.

"Well, I didn't think that you were exactly thinking about family when you ran out on Dan's birthday party earlier today," Meredith snapped. "That doesn't exactly scream father of the year."

"Meredith, it was an emergency!" he said. "A man severed his spine, they needed my help!"

"And there were no other doctors that could fix it?" Meredith asked, suddenly standing from the tub and reaching for a towel to wrap tightly around her body, stepping away from him.

"I'm the head of neuro!" Derek cried. "When there's an important case, they need me on it!"

"That's always the excuse!" Meredith shouted. "It's important. They need you. What about what's important to your family? What about when I need you here? You're completely forgetting about our family, Derek!"

"I was here for the presents!" Derek defended. "I was here for dinner! I was here to play with Dan, to sing happy birthday to him!"

"It doesn't matter!" Meredith cried. "You promised that you were going to take the day off! You were supposed to spend the day with our family, not in the OR over a stupid brain!"

"I'm a doctor, Meredith!" he cried. "You are too, you should understand that things come up!"

"No!" Meredith shouted. "I don't understand it. I am a doctor. Maybe I'm not an amazing legend of a doctor, but that's because I'm a mother and a wife before I'm a doctor."

"You know I put you and the kids before anything else," Derek said. "I love the three of you more than anything."

"No, you don't!" Meredith cried. "How the hell was I supposed to explain to our daughter that Daddy couldn't take Lucky for a walk with her because he decided to go to work."

"She's three, Mer," Derek pointed out.

"Don't call me Mer," she snapped. "And I don't know what the hell you're planning, but there's no way I'm moving my children to New York. This is their home, this is where I'm going to raise them with or without you."

"What the hell is going on with you?" Derek demanded. "And don't say you're fine, I know you're not."

"Nothing," Meredith shook her head, pushing past him towards their bedroom. "If you're going to leave, do it now. I don't want the kids to be able to remember having an absent father who just ends up leaving."

"Meredith," Derek frowned. "I…is this about your parents?"

"You know what my mother did to me," Meredith snapped. "You know how much she messed me up. She worked on every single one of my birthdays. And Christmas. And Thanksgiving. So how do you think I felt when you decided to go into work on our son's first birthday?"

"I…" Derek stared at her for a long moment. "Meredith, I'm sorry."

"Don't say that," she shook her head. "It doesn't mean anything."

"It does," Derek said, tentatively reaching out to touch her hand. "Mer, I'm so sorry. I really didn't have a choice."

"You always have a choice," Meredith argued. "And you chose work."

"I'll be here for his party," Derek sighed. "That's the part that really matters."

"It all matters, Derek," she whispered. Derek swallowed hard as he looked at her, suddenly looking so much like Katie did when she was sad. She sat on the edge of the bed, clutching the towel to her chest as her hair fell in her face, falling out of the messy ponytail she had thrown it in earlier. Derek felt his heart clench at the sight, knowing that he had messed up more than he had realized.

"I know," he said softly. "I'm sorry, Mer."

"I'm sorry too," she sighed, looking down at her hands. "It's…I shouldn't have said the things I said."

"It's okay," Derek said, rubbing her back gently. "You were mad."

"Are you going to take the job in New York?" Meredith whispered.

"I'm not going without you," Derek shook his head. "If you don't want to go, we won't."

"But…it's a big deal," Meredith said, sniffling slightly.

"It is," Derek smiled slightly. "And I'm honored that they asked me. But it's not a choice, Mer. It's never a choice."

"You'd resent me," Meredith whispered. "If I asked you to give up the job so we could keep living here…you'd resent me."

"No, Meredith, I would never resent you," Derek shook his head. "You come first. Always."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked down at her hands. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?" she asked. "I can't…this isn't the right time."

"Of course," Derek nodded. "We'll send the kids to Mark and Lexie's and we'll talk the whole thing over."

"And you'll turn your pager off?" Meredith asked softly, the innocence of her tone causing his heart to break a little bit.

"I will," Derek said. "I'm sorry I walked out, Mer. I didn't think it would upset you that much."

"That's how I spent my whole life," Meredith said. "Until I was fifteen and decided that I hated birthdays. I spent my whole life alone, wishing I had someone to celebrate my birthday with me while my mom stood in the OR, being important and saving someone's life."

"I know," Derek sighed, leaning in to kiss her gently. "I hate that, Mer. I knew that Dan wouldn't know, but I never even considered what you would think about all of this."

"Please don't," Meredith whispered, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Don't forget me."

"Oh, Mer," Derek whispered, moving his hand to stroke her hair, wrapping a strand of hair around his finger. "I'm never going to forget about how you feel. You come first."

"I didn't today."

"I know," Derek sighed. "And…we'll talk about this tomorrow. But we're not going anywhere unless you're completely okay with it."

"Derek," she shook her head. "Not right now. I just…you can't turn into my mother. You can't give up birthdays and Christmases for surgeries."

"I know," Derek sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I'm sorry, Mer. I really am."

"I know you are," she sighed, shifting to climb under the covers. "Can we just sleep?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, sliding down beside her. "I love you."

"I…me too," Meredith whispered.

"Good night," Derek whispered, wanting to reach out and cuddle against her like he usually did when they slept. But he wasn't sure exactly what he would do if she pushed him away.

So he spent hours lying on his back staring at the ceiling, wondering exactly what tomorrow would bring for him and his family.

XXXXX

"Hey."

Derek looked up from the dishes he was doing to see Meredith standing in the doorway to the kitchen, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, her eyes red and rimmed with dark circles. He swallowed hard, knowing that this was going to be a long talk, a difficult one that he hoped would end in things being the way they had before he had gone to work on their son's birthday.

"Hi," he said softly. "Did Mark get the kids into the car okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed. "It took both of us to get Katie in the car seat, but she's in so…"

"Good," Derek sighed, turning off the sink and reaching for a towel, leaning against the counter as he dried his hands. "We need to talk."

"I know," Meredith whispered, looking down at her feet.

"Do you want to sit on the porch?" Derek asked. They had always done their best talking with their cliff in sight.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded, turning towards the back door and shuffling onto the porch. Derek followed, smiling slightly at the way his Columbia sweatshirt seemed to completely engulf her small frame. They sat down beside each other on the swing, silent for a long moment before Meredith finally spoke.

"You want to move to New York."

"No," Derek shook his head. "I want to talk to you about potentially moving to New York."

"Derek, the head of the hospital board came all the way out to Seattle Grace to interview you," Meredith sighed. "You can't say no to that."

"I can," Derek nodded. "This isn't a decision I make, Mer. It's a decision we make. As a team."

"But you want to go."

"In some ways it would be nice," Derek nodded. "I would be closer to my family."

"What about my family?" Meredith demanded.

"Mer, I'm just saying…"

"Christina and Alex are all I have left, Derek," Meredith said. "And what about Mark and Lexie?"

"I'm not worried about them," Derek sighed. "I'm worried about you and Dan and Katie, and how this will affect us as a family."

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "So you're just completely willing to uproot everything they have ever known and throw them into a brand new life where you'll never be around and ignore them except for when you tell them they're not good enough?"

"I never said that," Derek rolled his eyes. "Will you stop making everything about you?"

"Like that's not what you've been doing this entire time," Meredith rolled her eyes. "You want to move to New York. You want to completely uproot this family and forget about everything we've worked for."

"Meredith, this is an amazing opportunity!" Derek insisted. "Why can't we at least talk about this like adults?"

"You didn't even want to be chief!" Meredith ranted as she stood, turning to look at him carefully. "When Richard was trying to decide between you and Owen, you didn't want it."

"I know, but things are different now," Derek sighed.

"Different?" Meredith asked. "What, are we not enough for you anymore? Are you bored in Seattle? Do you want to go back to New York and turn into a snob?"

"Of course not," Derek sighed. "Mer…when that job was being offered to me, you were about to give birth to Katie. We were about to become parents for the first time, and we couldn't handle me having a new job at the same time."

"But now it's okay?" Meredith asked.

"I think so," Derek nodded. "New York…it's a great place to grow up, I loved it. And we're stronger parents now, we know what we're doing. New York Gen has a great program for residents as well, and I can pull some strings to get you into the program."

"So it's all set?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I…I know that's what I want. But if you don't want to move, we'll stay here. This is your call, Mer."

"You'll resent me," Meredith whispered, looking down at her hands. "If I make you stay here and give up your dream job, eventually you'll hate me."

"No I won't," Derek shook his head. "I know that we've made our home here, and I'm completely bringing this up out of nowhere. So can we please just talk about this rationally?"

"I don't know how to do this," Meredith breathed. "For the entire time we've been married…we've never wanted two different things."

"And now…" Derek sighed, reaching for her hand and pulling it to his lips.

"Now you want to move to New York," Meredith stated. "And I don't want to move."

"How do we handle this, Mer?" Derek asked. "What do we do?"

"I have no idea," Meredith sighed.

"We need to think about Dan and Katie," Derek stated. "Think about which plan would be best for them."

"We should," Meredith nodded. "But…we need to figure out how to handle this for us too."

"So we don't resent each other," Derek added.

"You can't turn into the person my mother was," Meredith whispered. "You can't. We can't end up like my parents, and Dan and Katie can't end up like me."

"Is that why you're so upset about this?" Derek frowned. "You're worried that this is going to do to our family what your mom did to you?"

"I just…we're happy, Derek," Meredith whispered. "Or…I know that we've been busy lately, but I thought we were happy. And I don't want to lose that. I love the life we've built here, and I'm afraid that everything will be ruined if we move."

"I know," Derek sighed. "We are happy. And if we move…it won't be like when I lived there before. I don't want to raise the kids in the city, we could move to Long Island or Connecticut. I wouldn't want us to go to the opera or go out to dinner every night. We would find an amazing house like we did here, but…I think this could be a really great opportunity for us."

"You've really thought about this," Meredith observed.

"It's something I want to do," Derek nodded, squeezing her hand tightly. "But not if you don't want to."

"I don't…how are we supposed to decide?" Meredith asked. "You want to leave and I don't. I don't see an easy way to get through this without someone getting hurt or resenting each other."

Derek sighed as he looked up at the sky. "We won't resent each other," he said. "We…I can't lose you, Meredith. We've been through so much, and I refuse to lose you over something as trivial as this."

"I can't lose you either," she whispered. "I love you, Derek."

"I love you too," he said, emotion filling his voice as he stared at her closely. "Why don't we just think about this for a few days, really consider what we want? We can talk on Sunday, after Dan's party. We'll send the kids over to Mom's so we can really have enough time to discuss this and decide what we want to do."

"Okay," Meredith sighed, inhaling deeply. "We…Derek, this can't be it. If it's here or in New York…we have to be together. Because this can't be it for us, I love you too much to not be with you."

"I know," Derek promised, squeezing her hand tightly. "I love you too, so much. And I promise, I won't resent you if we decide to stay here."

"Promise?" Meredith asked.

"I promise," Derek assured her.

"Thank you," Meredith whispered. "I…I'll try to work on the idea of moving to New York and being okay with it."

"Thank you," Derek sighed as he leaned in to kiss her softly.

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed. "You know, Mark and Lexie have the kids all day."

"Really?" Derek asked, his eyebrows raised in interest.

"Mmmhmm," Meredith nodded. "So we can spend the entire day together. Just us."

"That sounds…amazing," Derek breathed.

"Can we try not to be weird?" Meredith asked. "Can we just be…be Derek and Meredith?"

"We can," Derek smiled, pulling her into his arms. "And you know what is a very Derek and Meredith thing to do?"

"What?" Meredith giggled slightly.

"Sex," Derek whispered. "All day long."

"We haven't done that since our honeymoon," Meredith smiled softly. "I miss it."

"Well," Derek smiled, standing and pulling her into his arms. "Allow me to remind you."

Meredith giggled as he carried her into the house, trying to ignore the knotting in the pit of her stomach that told her this fight wasn't completely over.


	71. Chapter 71

"Mer!"

Meredith turned as she heard her best friend's voice calling her name from down the hall. "Hey Christina," she sighed.

"How's it going?" Christina asked. "You free to grab lunch, or are you going to eat in McDreamy's office like usual?"

Meredith sighed as she looked down at her watch. Usually at this time she would go down to the day care to grab Katie and Dan and steal some family time during her lunch break in Derek's office. But right now they were thinking, and as much as she was trying to pretend that things were normal between her and her husband, she wasn't sure that she could eat lunch in his office and pretend that everything was fine. Now he really wanted to move to New York and they wouldn't be able to do that anymore, especially if he was chief.

"No," she said. "We can get lunch. I don't have another surgery until two, so we can catch up."

"Perfect," Christina said as she fell into step beside Meredith. "So how are the rugrats doing?"

"They're not rugrats," Meredith rolled her eyes. "They're my children. And they're amazing."

"Is Mini McDreamy breaking hearts already?" Christina laughed. "Cheating on other babies in the day care center?"

"Dan is just fine, thank you very much," Meredith smiled. Her baby boy was growing up so fast, and she felt her heart squeeze slightly. Although she and Derek hadn't even discussed their desires to make another baby lately, it had been silently agreed that all attempts were halted for the time being until they decided what they were going to do about his job offer.

"I bought a present for him yesterday," Christina nodded. "For his birthday or whatever it is that I have to buy him a present for."

"You went into a toy store?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "And yes, it is his first birthday. Thanks for remembering."

"Owen made me," Christina shrugged. "Apparently it's what good aunts do or something."

"He's right," Meredith nodded firmly. "Although…I can't really promise that my kids will like you more than they like their aunts on their father's side. They spoil our kids rotten."

"I don't compete with Shepherds," Christina rolled her eyes. "They're too weak. I mean, except for you," she added quickly. "But you're not a real Shepherd or whatever. You're a Grey."

"I am so a real Shepherd," Meredith said. "Just…not in blood or whatever. But I'm a real Shepherd."

"Whatever," Christina shrugged as they stepped into the cafeteria. They were silent as they each grabbed a meal, carrying their trays to a table in the far corner and digging into their usual salads and French fries.

"So McDreamy turned down the New York job?" Christina asked after a few moments as she shoved a bite of salad into her mouth.

"What?" Meredith asked, her head snapping up. "We haven't decided yet. Who told you he gave it up?"

"Oh," Christina frowned. "Owen told me when I got in this morning that he got a call from the board in New York asking him to see if he could make Derek reconsider his decision not to take the job."

"He didn't take it…" Meredith stared down at her tray, her head a mix of emotions. As much as she was relieved that it didn't seem that she wouldn't be leaving Seattle, she felt a wave of anger wash over her. He'd spent the entire past two days telling her that they would make this decision together, that they would sit down and talk about what would be best for their family, for their children. But he had just made the decision without even consulting her. "I have to go," she blurted out as she stood and ran towards the door of the cafeteria, making a beeline for the stairs. The elevator would be too slow. She had to talk to Derek.

"Hey Mer," he smiled, looking up from his laptop when she slammed the door to his office open. "I was just wondering if you were going to come by for lunch. Did you get the kids from the day care center?"

Meredith narrowed her eyes at him, her hands going to her hips. Did the idiot actually think that this wouldn't get back to her? Sometimes she couldn't believe how brainless her brain surgeon husband could be.

"Uh oh," he sighed, leaning back into his chair. "Um…I'm sorry?" he suggested, as if hoping she would actually accept it.

"What are you sorry for?" she demanded, knowing that he really had no idea why she was angry with him.

"Um…whatever I did to make you mad?" Derek tried, only to have her roll her eyes in response.

"You mean the fact that you turned down the New York job?" Meredith asked. "We were supposed to make that decision together!"

"Oh," Derek's expression of worry shifted into one of concern. "You're mad about that?"

"Of course I am!" Meredith cried. "You didn't even tell me, Derek! You said we were going to talk it over!"

"I did what you wanted!" Derek replied. "You didn't want to move, so I turned down the job!"

"I know," Meredith sighed. "But…Derek, we were supposed to figure this out together. Talk about how it would affect us."

"I thought about it, Mer," Derek said. "It's what's best for our family. It was an honor that I was asked, but this is Seattle. We fell in love here, this is where our family should stay."

"And you just decided this all by yourself?" Meredith demanded. "What about us being a team? Deciding things together?"

"I thought it was what you wanted," Derek frowned. "I was trying to do what you wanted."

"What I want is to have a adult relationship where my husband talks to me before he makes life changing decisions," Meredith snapped.

"Do you want to move to New York?" Derek asked.

"No!" Meredith cried.

"Then what the hell is the problem?" Derek cried.

"The problem is that you don't even think to tell me whenever you make decisions," she snapped. "I would like to be kept informed of what decisions you make."

"Meredith," Derek groaned. "I thought I was doing you a favor."

"You want to do me a favor?" Meredith shouted. "Sleep on the couch tonight!"

"Fine," Derek yelled back. "At least that way I won't have to wear ear plugs to drown out your snoring!"

"And I won't have to deal with your freaking morning breath!" Meredith yelled. "And don't even think that you're going to be kissing me any time soon!"

"Don't think I'll want to!" Derek replied.

"Fine," Meredith snapped, turning to storm out of the room. She slammed the door behind her, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes tightly as she tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. She and Derek rarely ever fought, but when they did it was completely awful. She wasn't even sure why she had gotten so angry with him, but now she couldn't be the one who backed down. She had to stay strong, and not let herself be the first one to back down. Derek was being a complete ass, and she wasn't going to let herself look like an idiot by being the first one to apologize.

Things would get better. They just needed time to calm down, and then things would be the same as they had been before.

XXXXXX

She had been wrong.

Meredith had been completely and totally wrong when she'd told herself that things would get better between her and her husband. It was now three days later, and if anything things had gotten completely worse. She and Derek were barely talking, and now she was hiding in the kitchen, cleaning the messy house after Dan's birthday party while Derek gave Katie a bath and Carolyn put Dan to bed.

Meredith wasn't exactly sure what was going on with her husband right now. He had apologized when he'd gotten home the night after their horrible fight, had kissed her cheek before they'd gone to sleep. But for some reason, they weren't themselves. They only really talked when they had something to discuss about one of the kids or work. She desperately missed the smile that usually filled her days at home and the hospital, and she had been colder than she could ever remember being when she'd fallen asleep biting back tears as she'd slept with her back turned to her husband's back, with enough room for another person to fit between them.

It was completely wrong, and right now all she wanted was for things to go back to the way they had been before this stupid fight and the stupid job offer from stupid New York.

"How are you doing, Meredith?"

She looked up quickly at the sound of her mother in law's voice coming from the doorway behind her, and she rushed to wipe her eyes as she plastered a fake smile on her face. "Hi Mom," she said. "Did Dan go down okay?"

"He did," Carolyn smiled. "He was very tired, it was a big day for him."

"Exciting day," Meredith sighed as she reached to shove a pile of paper plates into the garbage bag clutched tightly in her hands.

"Hmmm," Carolyn nodded as she looked at Meredith closely for a long moment. "Are you alright, dear?"

"What?" Meredith asked. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be okay? Today was my son's first birthday party, which I still can't actually believe, but he's one and we had a party which was fun, but…tired. Now I'm tired but perfectly fine."

"I'm not going to believe that for a moment," Carolyn sighed as she reached to gently take the garbage bag from Meredith's hands. "What is going on between you and Derek?"

Meredith blinked in surprise, not having expected her mother in law to notice that something seemed off between her and her husband. They were trying as hard as possible to keep things normal, and none of their friends seemed to realize that something was wrong. Carolyn Shepherd, however, seemed to see what others couldn't.

"What do you mean?" she asked, trying to play dumb.

"Don't pretend there's not something wrong," Carolyn said. "The two of you are usually completely happy and unable to take your hands off of one another. Today you barely exchanged two words. And I don't think you even made eye contact, let alone hold hands."

Tears filled Meredith's eyes as she moved to sit down at the table. "I don't know," she whispered. "I…since we got back from the Bahamas everything has been a little off."

"Off how?" Carolyn asked gently, moving to sit beside her and rub a comforting hand along her back.

"I don't know," Meredith sighed. "Things were okay, but we were busy. Katie had to start pre school, and Dan started walking, and we both had to make up time at the hospital, and…we barely talked. I was looking forward to Dan's birthday so much because it would be the first time since the wedding that the four of us would get to be a family, all day without any interruptions."

"And then Derek got paged," Carolyn nodded. She was already aware of the small details that had caused the rift between her son and daughter in law.

"He wasn't even on call," Meredith sighed. "He was supposed to be home all day with us. But he went into the stupid hospital. On our son's first birthday just like my mom used to do on my birthday."

"But he came home," Carolyn said gently. "He was home for the cake and the presents."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "I just…I found the offer for New York and he hadn't told me, and he was planning on just moving the family to New York."

"According to him he wasn't moving anywhere if you weren't willing to go with him," Carolyn pointed out gently.

"I know," Meredith nodded, scraping the nail of her thumb along a ridge in the wood of the kitchen table, concentrating fully on the task for a long moment. "We were going to talk about it. But then he just turned the job down without even telling me. When I confronted him about it, we had a big stupid fight in the middle of the hospital and have barely said ten words to each other since."

"I know fighting is hard," Carolyn sighed. "You and Derek are just like his father and I were. You don't fight often, but when you do…"

"It's horrible," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes as she continued to run her thumb nail along the wood of the table. "You know that he hasn't told me that he loves me in eleven days?"

Carolyn's heart clenched slightly at the vulnerable sound of her daughter in law's voice. She wasn't sure exactly what was going on between the two of them, but she knew that Meredith was terrified. The simple fact that she was monitoring the time since her husband had last told her that he loved her proved that much.

"Oh, darling," she said softly, reaching to squeeze her hand tightly. "Have you told him recently?"

"No," Meredith shook her head as she reached for a paper towel to absorb some of the tears pouring from her eyes against her will. "I can't."

"Why not?" Carolyn asked as she reached to brush some of Meredith's hair out of her eyes.

"Because I'm afraid he won't say it back."

Carolyn's heart broke a little. If there was one thing she would never doubt in this life, it was her son's unconditional and all consuming love for his wife. She had thought Meredith was equally aware, if not more so, of Derek's love for her, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Maybe he's afraid of the same thing," she suggested gently.

"I…" Meredith started to say something, but Derek's footsteps on the stairs caused her eyes to widen and she quickly wiped the paper towel over her eyes again, clearly trying to erase all evidence of her tears before her husband could see that she was upset.

"Katie's down for the count," he sighed as he entered the kitchen. "I think she finally crashed from all that sugar."

"Good," Meredith murmured, a fake smile spread across her face.

"Have you been crying?" Derek frowned, though he didn't rush to comfort her as he usually would have.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I…just got some dust or something in my eye. But it's watered out."

"Oh," Derek nodded, and Carolyn wondered whether her son actually was brainless to accept such an unconvincing explanation. "Okay."

The room was painfully silent for a long moment before Derek inhaled sharply and moved towards the refrigerator to grab a bottle of water.

"I think I'll get going now," Carolyn sighed, patting Meredith's hand gently before she stood and walked over to embrace Derek. "Give you two some time to talk."

"You don't have to go," Meredith said quickly.

"Stay," Derek's voice mixed in with his wife's.

"I'm old," Carolyn smiled slightly. "I need my sleep, so I'm going to go get it. I'll see you both in the morning."

"Good night, Mom," Derek sighed, hugging her tightly before he leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek.

"Good night, dears," she offered them a warm smile as she walked out the door and into the hall. A moment later the front door clicked closed, leaving Derek and Meredith in a silence that was completely deafening.

"I think I'm going to take a bath," Meredith said softly after a long moment.

"Okay," Derek nodded, looking at her carefully as he leaned against the counter. "Mer, I…"

"Yeah?" she asked, trying to keep the hopefulness out of her voice as her heart pounded. He was going to say it. He was going to tell her that he loved her for the first time in almost twelve days.

"I have to be at the hospital at five tomorrow morning," he finally said. "I'll sleep in the guest room so I won't wake you."

"Oh," Meredith nodded, biting the inside of her cheek to stop the tears from coming. "Okay. I guess…I'll see you at work then."

"Yeah," Derek sighed, a hand going to move through his hair. "Tomorrow."

She stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen for a moment, waiting to see if he would say anything else, anything at all to give her some hope that they weren't completely over.

He didn't.

"Good night," she finally whispered practically inaudibly.

"Night." Derek's back was turned to her now, so it didn't matter that the tears were starting to flow as she turned towards the stairs, desperately wanting to get into the safe haven of her bedroom before she let the tears flow freely.

She closed the door behind her and threw herself onto the bed, burying her face in her pillow as she felt the tears finally come. She wasn't sure exactly what had happened or how they had ended up not talking and sleeping in separate beds, but she hated it. She hated how big their bed seemed without her husband in it, hated the fact that she was going to go to sleep alone and wake up alone.

She hated the fact that she couldn't even talk to her own husband.

After a few moments she heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs and she lifted her head as she looked towards the door, half of her hoping that he would push the door open and tell her that he hadn't meant it, that he couldn't sleep in the guest room because she was here. She wanted him to come to bed and hold her like he usually did.

But the door remained closed and a moment later she heard the sound of the guest bedroom down the hall faintly click closed.

She ignore the fresh tears falling down her cheeks as she stood and moved towards the bathroom, quickly washing her face and brushing her teeth before she walked slowly into the bedroom, pulling Derek's Bowdoin t-shirt out of is dresser drawer and pulling it over her head. If she couldn't sleep with her husband's arms around her, maybe the feeling of his scent radiating from her t-shirt would comfort her.

It did little to help as she crawled into the bed that was much to big for her alone. She clutched Derek's pillow close as more tears fell down her cheeks and onto the sheets.

Her husband didn't want to sleep with her anymore.


	72. Chapter 72

"Stupid Halloween," Derek heard a painfully familiar voice muttering from behind him as he stood at the nurse's station and he immediately looked up to meet the scowling face of his wife.

If she could still be called his wife.

The past month had been awful. They hardly spoke, unless Katie and Dan were in the room, and even then it was full of fake smiles and mostly about the children. Sleeping in the guest room was hell, and he was starting to wonder if Meredith had asked to be taken off of his service because it had been a hell of a long time since he had even been able to scrub in with her.

He still wasn't exactly sure what had happened. In the month since he had been offered the job in New York things had gotten worse. They had never really made up after the horrible fight, and even though he knew it was wrong to have declined the job without speaking with his wife, he had never imagined that it would lead to something this horrible.

Realistically, he knew it was more than that. They'd been drifting apart since they'd returned the Bahamas. With Katie starting preschool and being in multiple play groups and Dan starting to walk, they'd been busy caring for their children and been too exhausted to really talk much at night. But even then, she had still been Meredith. She'd stolen kisses when they had a moment alone together, she'd giggle whenever she saw him at the hospital, she had still welcomed him when he snuck into the shower with her in the morning for a surprise round of the bendy thing or surprised her with candles and wine in the bubble bath.

Now she wouldn't even let him into their bed.

He had to do something. He wasn't sure what, but he had to do something. He couldn't live like this for much longer.

"Rough day?" he offered.

Meredith's head snapped up from her chart, her eyes meeting his for a moment before she looked back down at the words on the chart. "Do people really think that running around in some stupid mask from Stab or whatever that stupid movie is called is a good idea?" she asked.

"Halloween's always a fun day for doctors," Derek forced a smile. This was completely pathetic. The longest he'd talked to his wife in a month and a half and he was making small talk about Halloween.

"I guess," she sighed as she slammed the chart closed and turned to walk away. He swallowed hard as he watched her, wanting to tell her to stop, that he was sorry, that he would do anything to fix this, but somehow the words wouldn't come out. Instead, he kept his eyes trained on her until she rounded the corner and he turned back to his chart, the words suddenly blurry beneath the tears filling his eyes. This was too much like their relationship had been so many years ago, when he had been with Addison although his heart had always been with Meredith, and he hated it. This was almost worse than when he had been dating Rose.

"Are you alright, Dr. Shepherd?"

He looked up to see a somewhat familiar woman standing before him, one of the interns who had been transferred into the program late. "I'm fine," he sighed, suddenly realizing he was using Meredith's word. "Thank you, Dr…." Crap. He had always been good at names, but right now he had too much on his plate to worry about the names of the interns.

"Ford," she supplied, offering him a warm smile as she tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. "But you can call me Heidi if you want. It would be an honor to work with you, Dr. Shepherd."

"Thanks Heidi," Derek mumbled, snapping his chart closed and placing it on the counter in front of him.

"Do you need an intern?" she asked, leaning over the counter to reach for the chart. "I'm looking for something to do."

"Sure," Derek said, his eyebrows raising slightly. It wasn't often that interns put themselves out there so forwardly, and this saved him the trouble of having to find someone to work for him. "Read over the patient's history, he's scheduled for a CT at ten. Let me know when you get the results."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd," she smiled brightly before she turned and walked down the hall, the chart clutched tightly in her arms.

Derek sighed as he turned to walk towards his office. He wasn't sure that this could get much worse, and at this point he was desperate. He needed help to fix this, and he had no idea who to turn to. Normally when he got this stressed at work he would go down to the day care center for a few stolen moments with his children, but his mother had taken them to the aquarium today, so he didn't even have that release. He had to find something to take his mind off of Meredith.

He glanced down at his watch, noting that he didn't have anywhere he needed to be for at least an hour. Maybe he could catch up on some paperwork, sort through some e-mails, and hopefully that would pass the time quickly until his patient's CT results came in and he could go into the OR.

When he opened the door to his office, however, he realized that he still had nothing to do. Normally, paperwork piled up and e-mails went without a response until the last possible moment, as he usually favored spending time with his family instead of staying late at work or working during his lunch break. Right now, however, he had no new e-mails in his inbox, and there was no paperwork that needed completion. With his children at home and Meredith being all closed into herself, he had nothing to do besides work. And suddenly his emotions got the best of him as hot tears flooded his eyelids, streaming down his cheeks.

He collapsed onto the couch, not bothering to hide the tears that were streaming down his face. He buried his face in his hands, clutching his hair in his fists as he tugged gently, finally allowing the tears to spill that had been building for weeks now. His shoulders heaved as he tried to gulp oxygen into his lungs.

"Derek, if you're free, I need your opinion…"

He quickly looked up at the sound of his ex-wife's voice filling his office, and he reached to wipe his eyes, hoping that she wouldn't notice that he had been crying and ask what was wrong.

"What's wrong?" she asked, a wave of concern washing over her face. Crap. Apparently twelve years together really did mean that she knew everything about him, even if it felt like a lifetime ago.

"I'm fine," he murmured. He really was turning into Meredith. Her word was now all he said.

"No you're not," Addison shook her head, placing her charts on top of the filing cabinet and moving to sit beside him. "Are the kids okay? Did something happen to one of them?"

"They're fine," Derek nodded, leaning into the couch and looking down at his hands, fisting them tightly.

"So it's Meredith," Addison said softly. "What's going on between you two? Is everything okay?"

"What did she tell you?" Derek frowned.

"Nothing," Addison shook her head. "It doesn't exactly take a psychic to figure out that things aren't the same as they usually are between the two of you. I know it's a little awkward, but…I know you, Derek. I can help if you want me to. You look like you could use some help."

"We just…I don't know," Derek sighed. "We drifted apart. We had a huge fight and then neither of us had the time or the energy to make up like we should have. And now we can barely look at each other. The only time we talk is when it's about the kids. And I can't even sleep in our room."

"Oh, Derek," Addison said softly. "Why don't you try talking to her? Maybe she's just waiting for you to speak to her first."

"She won't let me," he sighed. "I…I try. But she just leaves the room. I don't know what to do about this."

"You have to corner her," Addison smiled softly. "Don't think I don't know about your little elevator trick. You used that on her all the time when we were married, just so you could catch a moment alone with her."

Derek smiled softly. "We do love elevators," he said. "That…that might actually work, if I time it right."

"See?" Addison said, placing a comforting hand on his arm. "You and Meredith deserve to be happy, Derek. The two of you have been through way too much to give up now. It's probably really hard to do with little kids, but you have to force yourself. You have to force Meredith."

"Elevator," Derek nodded, swallowing hard. "I…yeah. I can do that."

"Derek," Addison sighed. "Can I give you a piece of advice?"

"Sure," he sighed, running a hand over his face. "I'll take anything at this point."

"Don't let what happened to us happen to you and Meredith," Addison said. "We weren't right for each other, but you and Meredith are. Don't be absent. Make her talk to you, no matter how hard it is. Do it for your marriage. And for your children."

Derek nodded, trying to swallow the tears that were building. "Thank you," he said softly. "It does feel good to talk about it."

Addison smiled as she stood and reached for her chart. "You have to make it work, Derek. If not for your family, for the sake of this entire hospital. I don't even want to imagine how miserable it will be to work with you if this doesn't work."

"Hopefully you'll never have to know," Derek sighed as he leaned into the cushions, staring up at the ceiling.

"Good luck," Addison flashed him one last smile before she disappeared into the hallway, leaving Derek alone with his thoughts.

Elevators. He wasn't quite sure why he hadn't thought of it before, but he had to do this. He would corner her in the elevator, tell her he was sorry, grovel if he had to. He just had to make things work, and the elevator was the perfect place to do so. The elevator was where they had gotten engaged, where they had shared their first non drunken kiss, where he had stood behind her countless times just to inhale the sweet scent of her hair. He was even convinced that Dan had even been conceived in the elevator during a power outage. This was perfect.

A smile spread across his face as he moved towards his door. He'd figure out where she was right now, find someone to help him get her into the elevator, and then things would be perfect. She would forgive him and they could be themselves again. Tonight they would be them, and this whole thing would just be a horrible memory.

Just as he was reaching for the handle, there was a knock at the door and he pulled it open, sighing dejectedly when he saw Heidi Ford smiling up at him. He forgot that he actually had work to do.

"Hi Dr. Shepherd," she smiled, holding out a folder of scans to him. "I just got Mr. Carter's CT results back."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he stepped back into his office, leaning against his desk as he studied the scans carefully.

"Subdural hemotoma," Heidi nodded as she stepped closer to look at the scans over his shoulder. "It's pretty bad."

""We should schedule an OR," Derek sighed, dropping the file onto his desk and running a hand through his hair as he turned to stare up at the ceiling.

"Okay," Heidi nodded carefully, looking at him closely. "Are you sure you're okay to operate today?"

"I'm fine," Derek nodded. "Just…personal stuff."

"Oh," Heidi said, her eyes scanning the room for a moment. "Is that your daughter?" she asked, moving to a picture of him and Katie taken over the summer. Her arms were wrapped tightly around his neck as he held her on his hip, both of them smiling widely as their identical dark hair blew in the wind.

"Yeah," Derek smiled. "That's Katie."

"She looks so much like you," Heidi said.

"She has a lot of her mother in her," Derek smiled softly. "But Dan…" he smiled as he pointed to a picture of him and Dan taken a couple months before. Dan was sitting on his lap, their identical grins smiling up at the camera. "Is pretty much a clone of me."

"You can definitely tell that he's your son," Heidi smiled as she leaned closer to examine the picture. "He's a very handsome baby."

"He thinks so," Derek laughed.

There was an awkward silence in the room for a moment before Heidi commented, "It seems like you have the perfect life. Amazing job, perfect kids, wife. You're living happily ever after."

"I'm not exactly sure about the happily part," Derek sighed as he moved to sit back down on the couch. He knew this shouldn't be happening, this girl knew nothing about him and his life, but maybe that was what he needed. To talk to someone who didn't know anything about him or Meredith, to get an objective opinion on the whole messy situation that he had found himself in.

"Why not?" Heidi asked, turning to look at him as she leaned against the filing cabinet across the room.

"Just…Meredith and I are kind of in a rut," he said. "We've been married for four years, but we've just kind of…lost each other. We're busy with the kids, and we've always fought a lot over stupid things, but now we've lost the energy to make up, so things keep building up. And now…"

"Now you're afraid that things will explode," Heidi nodded as she moved carefully to sit beside him on the couch.

"Yeah," Derek sighed, inhaling deeply. "I'm sorry. I really shouldn't be talking to you about this."

"It's okay," she smiled softly. "Lots of people talk to me about this kind of stuff. And I'd like to do whatever I can to help."

Derek smiled slightly. "Unless you can convince Mer to talk to me, I'm not quite sure there's much you can do to help," he said. "But I appreciate the offer."

"Alright," she said as she stood, reaching for the files. "I'll go book the OR for this afternoon."

"Thanks," Derek smiled as he opened the door to his office, allowing Heidi to step out before he moved into the hallway himself, locking the door quickly before he took off in search of his wife.

He didn't see the pair of hurt eyes that had just watched him step out of his office with a younger, attractive woman.

And he didn't see the tears that were streaming down his wife's face as she stepped out of the darkened corner, a salad and a bottle of water cradled in her hands.

XXXXX

"Okay, seriously, this is getting ridiculous," Christina said as she stared at Meredith from across the table in the cafeteria. "What the hell is going on with you?"

"I think Derek is having an affair," Meredith said after a long pause. The table went silent for a moment before Lexie began to cough violently, dropping her sandwich back down to her tray.

"Get some water, mini Grey," Alex rolled his eyes before he turned back to Meredith. "You don't actually think that Shepherd would cheat on you, do you?"

"I didn't…" Meredith inhaled sharply. "Not until today."

"What happened today?" Lexie asked, finally having gained control over her cough.

"I went to bring him lunch," Meredith sighed as she stared down at the tray of food before her that she hadn't touched. "He had surgery, so I brought him an early lunch, and I was hoping that we could talk. But I saw him walking out of his office with a stupid intern who was tall and beautiful with blonde hair and huge boobs. And she probably doesn't have stretch marks either."

"But…Derek doesn't care about any of that stuff," Lexie frowned. "He loves you."

"He used to," Meredith whispered, tears filling her eyes. "But I don't think he does anymore."

"That's crazy," Alex said. "The man lives and breathes for you, everyone knows that."

"I don't know," Meredith whispered, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I don't know what to do about this."

"You should talk to him," Lexie said. "Mark says he hasn't been himself lately. You should talk to him. He probably doesn't want to push you, and is waiting for you to come to him."

"What do I do if he's sleeping with her?" Meredith whispered. "What do I do if he really doesn't love me anymore."

Lexie swallowed hard as she took in her sister's haggard appearance. Meredith hadn't looked this bad since George and Izzie had died on the same day. "We'll be here for you," she promised, reaching to squeeze her hand. "But I honestly don't think that's true. I think you should just talk to him."

"Talk," Meredith nodded slightly. "Right. I can do that."

"You want me to go with you?" Alex offered as she stood on shaky legs. "I can kick his ass if you want."

Meredith smiled slightly. "Thanks," she said. "But…I think I should handle this alone."

"Good luck," Lexie breathed as she walked away from the table.

Strong. Meredith could be strong. She could ask her husband if he was cheating on her. Chances are he would say no, and then she just had to be strong enough to have the talk that they had both been putting off for weeks now. They would talk, and things would get better, and eventually things would get back to the way they had been before this whole mess, to the way they were supposed to be.

But if he was sleeping with someone else…

She wasn't exactly sure what she would do. Derek was the love of her life, he always would be. She just had to know. If that was the reason he wasn't talking to her, the reason why he wasn't sleeping in their bed, then she had to know. She didn't know what she would do with that information, but she had to know. For her own sake and the sake of their children, they couldn't keep living like this.

She swallowed hard as she stopped outside of the scrub room where she knew he had just finished his surgery. She could do this. He was her husband, they had been through hell and back together, and all she had to do was ask him a question. A question upon which her entire future depended on, but still, just a question. She just had to get the courage to push the door open, face her husband, and ask whether he was cheating on her.

It would be easy.

She took one last deep breath before she pushed herself off of the wall, walking slowly towards the door to the scrub room. As she moved, she suddenly remembered another time she had put herself out there for Derek Shepherd in that very scrub room. She had begged him to choose her, to love her, and in that one simple moment, he had completely shattered her heart.

Now, five years later, she felt like they had barely moved from this place. Here she was, completely terrified to speak to her husband, and she had no idea whether he was going to shatter her heart again.

With one last deep breath, she placed a hand on the wood of the door and pushed it open, opening her mouth to say something to Derek, but freezing at the sight in front of her.

Derek's back was turned to her, his curls still captured under the fabric of his ferryboat scrub cap, a pair of long slender arms wrapped around his neck and a set of lips against his that definitely weren't hers. She stood still for what seemed like an hour, but was in actuality less than a second before she turned and flew out the door, not bothering to look back as Derek shoved the arms away from him and turned to go after her.

By the time he reached the hallway, she was already gone.


	73. Chapter 73

"Meredith!" Derek cried as he ran into their house later that night. "Meredith, we need to talk!"

The house was completely dark, the silence deafening as he ran from room to room, trying to find his wife to make things right. The living room and office were empty, and he ran into the kitchen, finding it dark and cold, but as he turned to race towards the stairs, the quiet voice of his wife greeted him.

"How long?" she demanded.

"Meredith," he breathed in relief as he turned to face her, her outline only a shadow as she sat in the corner of the kitchen table, a bottle of wine sitting in front of her beside an empty wine glass.

"How long?" she repeated.

"Nothing happened," Derek shook his head. "I promise you that, Meredith. Nothing will ever happen."

"You're lying," she said, staring down at the glass in front of her. "Don't tell me nothing happened, because it did."

"She kissed me," Derek breathed. "But nothing…I didn't sleep with her. God, Meredith, even the thought of sleeping with anyone else makes me sick to my stomach. You're the only one."

"Oh really?" Meredith asked, her voice rising as she rose to her feet. "Because you haven't seemed to interested in me over the past few months! What the hell have you been thinking?"

"We've been…off," Derek said. "But I never cheated on you, Meredith. I would never do that."

"You did!" she shouted. "I saw you, Derek!"

"It was just a kiss!" Derek defended. "She kissed me, and I pushed her away as soon as it happened!"

"No, you pushed her away because your bitchy wife that you can't even stand caught you!" Meredith argued. "Why can't you even tell me the truth? You used to tell me everything!"

"I am telling you the truth!" Derek insisted. "Please, Mer, you have to believe me! I would never do that to you, ever!"

"I can't!" she cried, tears pouring down her face as she turned her back to him. "I can't, Derek, I can't even look at you right now!"

"Nothing happened!" Derek cried.

"Stop saying that!" Meredith shouted. "Even if you didn't sleep with her, something happened! Lots of somethings happened that all led to you kissing another girl in the scrub room!"

"She kissed me," Derek explained quietly, but the words sounded pathetic even to his own ears.

"Seriously?" Meredith shouted. "You're going to play that card? How stupid do you think I am?"

"What do you want me to say, Meredith?" Derek asked. "I'm telling you the truth. I always tell you the truth."

"I want you to tell me what happened," she said. "I want you to explain why two months ago we were lying on the beach in the Bahamas, and now you don't even love me anymore!"

"Is that what you think?" Derek breathed, his breath suddenly leaving out of his lungs. "You think I don't love you anymore?"

"When was the last time you said it?" Meredith demanded. "When was the last time you slept in our bed?"

"When was the last time you asked me to sleep in our bed?" Derek countered. "You haven't asked me to come back!"

"It's your bed, Derek!" she cried. "You should want to sleep there! With me. I shouldn't have to ask you to sleep in the same room as me. You're the one who decided to stop sleeping in our bed with me!"

"You can't pin this all on me!" Derek shouted. "You've been doing things too! I tried to talk to you today!"

"By asking me about my patient?" Meredith asked. "Oh, of course, how can I possibly resist that kind of sweet talk?"

"At least I tried!" Derek cried. "You don't even talk to me anymore! What the hell was I supposed to do? Just let us fall apart!"

"I think we fell apart a long time ago!" Meredith yelled. "Why are even trying to fix this? There's no point."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Derek asked. "Of course there's a point, we have to fix this."

"Maybe we were never supposed to be together," Meredith said, her voice flat. "This whole thing was a mistake."

"Mer," Derek breathed, moving closer to her. "No. We're not a mistake. Look at everything we've been through to get here."

"I can't keep living like this, Derek," she breathed. "I…we'll figure something out. With the kids. Joint custody or whatever."

"No," Derek shook his head. "Meredith, I'm not giving up on us. It's too important. We're…we're Meredith and Derek."

"I can't," Meredith shook her head. "It shouldn't be this hard, Derek. We're supposed to be happy and in love and now…now you're kissing interns in the scrub room when you should be kissing me. Only me."

"We are in love," Derek insisted. "Meredith…I love you so much. And I do only kiss you."

"Don't say that," she shook her head. "Don't. It just makes it harder."

"It doesn't have to be hard," Derek said. "Please, Meredith. We can work through this, I know we can."

"I'm tired of working through things," Meredith whispered. "If we were really happy we wouldn't have to work through things all the time. We would be able to handle anything."

"That's what being married is about," Derek pleaded. "Meredith…"

"Stop," she shook her head. "Derek…just stop."

"I'm not leaving you," Derek said firmly. "I can't."

"You have to," she whispered, looking down at the table. "I…you can stay in the guest room. Until you find an apartment or whatever. Or we figure out who gets the house. But…it's over."

"It's not over," Derek said, nausea rising in his stomach at the mere thought. "This can't be over. We love each other too much."

Meredith muttered something under her breath, and his heart clenched in his chest.

"Meredith," he breathed, not sure he wanted to hear the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Do you still love me?"

She inhaled deeply, staring at the table for a moment before she met his gaze, her eyes deceptively strong. "You're the father of my children," she said. "I'll always love you for that."

"But you don't love me," Derek said, tears filling his eyes as he felt his entire life deflate right before his eyes, like a balloon that had just been popped at the end of a party.

"No," Meredith shook her head, but if Derek had been looking into her eyes she would have seen the pain reflecting her words as she said them.

"I…" Derek inhaled a shaky breath. "I'll go. If that's really what you want me to do, I'll go."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered softly.

"I'll come by tomorrow," Derek whispered. "To see the kids." Worse than the thought of not being married to Meredith anymore was the realization that he wouldn't be able to spend all of his free time with his children.

"Okay," Meredith nodded.

"I'll call my lawyer in the morning," Derek offered. "You…you can have everything."

"Derek," she breathed.

"I don't want it," he shook his head. "I want you. And the kids. That's it."

"Don't," she whispered. "Please, Derek, don't say things like that."

"I'm just going to go," he sighed, his shoulders hunched as he moved towards the door. "Tell Katie and Dan that I'll be over in the morning to see them."

"Okay," Meredith whispered, her shaking hands moving to pour another glass of wine.

"I love you, Meredith," he whispered from the doorway, causing her to look up to meet his eyes, holding his gaze for a long moment.

And then he was gone.

XXXXX

Derek wasn't sure he had ever felt this numb before. There had been hard times-his dad dying, his best friend sleeping with his wife, Meredith's drowning. Those had all been difficult times in which he had wished that he could stop the pain from completely consuming his entire being.

But now he was completely numb to anything and everything. Meredith had left him. Or she had kicked him out, but the point was that she wanted a divorce.

Divorce.

The word sounded so completely wrong in his head. He'd been here before, with Addison, but it had been different. He and Addison were over, they weren't in love anymore, they knew that they weren't good for each other.

And he was here again with Meredith, the women he had sworn to love until the end of forever. Except this was completely different because he was still head over heels in love with his wife. Or…ex-wife or whatever she was now. He would do anything to make her happy, and that's why he had to do this.

Meredith didn't love him anymore.

She didn't love him, and she wanted a divorce. That was the only reason he would do this, even if it made himself completely miserable and without purpose in life. He had to do this to make sure that she was happy, that she would be able to get what she wanted out of her life.

It would be hard on Katie. She would be too small to really remember this happening when she got older, but right now, she loved having Daddy around. Both she and Dan had been more temperamental than usual lately, as if they had picked up on the discomfort between their parents, and it was going to be really hard for his little girl to adjust to living this way.

He wiped the tears off of his cheek as he stared out over the ferryboat dock, remembering the first time he had come here. Meredith had brought him here in the middle of a rainstorm, a bottle of wine between them as they'd watched the rain fall onto the windshield of his car and talked about everything they could think of. That had been before Addison had shown up, before life had gotten complicated. He swallowed hard as he remembered the multiple times they had come here, from meeting accidentally while he was married to Addison, both needing an escape, to the time only a few months ago when they had left the children with his mother to watch the sunset over the ferryboats and make love in the soft dusk of the summer night. It had been completely perfect, and now it was all over.

With shaking hands, he reached for the already half empty bottle of scotch resting on the passenger seat.

XXXXX

The house was empty.

That was all Meredith could think as she lay on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. Dan and Katie were spending the night with Carolyn, as she was expecting to end up screaming at Derek when he arrived home.

What she hadn't expected was the suggestion of divorce.

She hadn't realized what she'd said until Derek's face had crumpled before her eyes, and looking back that was really the only thing she could do at this point. She was tired of fighting through things, of trying to make things work. If she and Derek really were meant to be, things would work out easily for them. Sure they would have fights and difficulties; every marriage did. But they would be able to talk about something besides their children, they would be able to sleep in the same bed.

She would be able to tell him she loved him instead of lying just to get him out of her life.

Derek Shepherd had hurt her a lot in the past. She'd been completely crushed by him multiple times, and she just couldn't stand to have that happen again. So she'd done the crushing this time. She knew that Derek was upset; she'd seen the way that he had tried to remain stoic and not cry, but she knew him better than that. She knew that he was probably at Mark's right now, a bottle of scotch in his hands as he rambled on about this entire mess that was coming to an end.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. She was lying on the couch, willing the tears to stop flowing so that she could go to sleep. There was no way she was going to sleep in her room tonight. She'd been sleeping there for weeks without Derek beside her, but now…now things felt a lot bigger, more final or something. And she just couldn't face that yet.

With a sharp intake of breath, she moved to the porch, flicking the lights on as she collapsed onto the swing, looking out over their cliff. Tears filled her eyes as she recalled the night she had stood in that very spot for hours, waiting for Derek to come home to see her house of candles. It had been such an amazing night, and she could remember vividly how loved she had felt when he had returned from breaking up with Rose to hold her in her arms all night as they had talked through all of their issues. She had been so hopeful that night, full of dreams and ambitions about their future and their life together. But now things were worse than she could ever have imagined.

As she stared out over their land, she suddenly wished that George was there. It was an unexpected wish, but George had always been there to comfort her. Maybe it was because he had been the shoulder she had cried on after Derek had chosen Addison or because she knew that George could identify with being alone. And she wasn't sure why, but suddenly her entire body wracked with sobs as she cried.

She cried for her friends and the fact that she had been too upset about her own life to miss them lately.

She cried for her loss of the Shepherd family who had become so much like her own family that she was going to miss them desperately.

She cried for her children, who weren't going to have both their parents living in the same house any longer.

She cried for the destruction of her marriage and the loss of the only man who had ever loved her.

But mostly she cried out of pure hatred for herself for letting it get this bad.

XXXXX

"Daddy!" Katie cried as she ran out of Carolyn's house the next morning, jumping into her father's arms. "I missed you."

"Hi sweetheart," Derek sighed as he held her close, breathing her scent in. He hated that he wasn't going to get to see her all the time from now on.

"Are you sad, Daddy?" Katie frowned.

"A little," Derek said, shifting her to rest on his hip. "Where's your grandmother?"

"With Dan," Katie replied. "Why are you sad, Daddy?"

"Your mother and I will talk to you about it in a few minutes," Derek promised as he made his way inside. If anything, they should be able to tell Katie about the divorce together. They would be forever bound by their children, and they still had to be the best parents that they could be.

"Derek, good, I was just…" Carolyn's voice trailed off as she took in the sight of her son before him, his face covered in the scratchy hair of an unshaved morning, his hair a mess, seeming to hunch over as he walked into the house. "Are you alright, sweetheart?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed as he looked down at Katie for a moment. "Princess, why don't you go make sure that your brother didn't leave any of his toys in your room?"

"Okay, Daddy," Katie nodded as he set her on the ground, watching her take off down the hall towards the room that she shared with Dan.

"Derek, what's going on?" Carolyn asked as she leaned over to place Dan in the play pen. "Is Meredith alright?"

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "Or…I'm not really sure, but physically she's fine."

"Then what on earth has you looking like a bum?" Carolyn asked.

"Thanks Mom," Derek sighed, running his fingers through his hair and wincing at the greasy feeling on his hands.

"Don't get smart with me," Carolyn shook her head. "What on earth is going on?"

"We had a fight," Derek sighed. "And then we never bothered to make up, so things just…fell apart."

"I know you've been having some problems lately, dear, but I'm sure if you just talk to her…" Carolyn started.

"I tried," Derek sighed. "She just shot me down, wouldn't let me in our bed. And then yesterday…" he swallowed hard, trying to control the nausea as he remembered how unnatural Heidi's lips had felt against his own.

"What happened yesterday?" Carolyn asked. "Meredith did seem somewhat upset when she called me to see if I could take the children overnight."

"This intern…she kissed me," Derek sighed. "But nothing happened. At all. I didn't even want her to kiss me. But of course Meredith chose that moment to walk into the scrub room."

"Oh Derek," Carolyn sighed, reaching out to squeeze her son's hand. "Did you talk to her?"

"I tried," Derek sighed. "But when I got home, she was so upset and we just ended up yelling at each other."

"Well, I'd be happy to take Dan and Katie for another day if you would like a chance to talk to her again," Carolyn offered.

"Thanks," Derek sighed. "But…I think things are pretty much settled."

"What do you mean?" Carolyn frowned. "I thought you said all you did was yell."

"It was," Derek sighed. "But…it's bad, Mom."

"Oh, Derek," Carolyn breathed, reaching to embrace him. "You can work it out."

"No," Derek shook his head as he buried it in his mother's shoulder. "We're getting divorced.


	74. Chapter 74

"Hey Shep," Mark smiled as he walked into Derek's office, a salad in his hands. "How's it going?"

"How do you think it's going?" Derek asked as he looked up from his paperwork, his eyes red and his hair a mess.

"I know you're still upset about Big Grey," Mark said as he tossed the salad onto the desk. "But you have to eat. The last thing we need is you passing out in the OR over a brain."

"Thanks," Derek sighed. "And it's only been a week. How the hell am I supposed to do this?"

"You can do it," Mark sighed. "It will be hard, but you managed to move on from Addison."

"That was different and you know it," Derek said. "What would you do if you and Lexie were getting a divorce?"

"Probably the same thing you are," Mark sighed. "How are the kids doing? Do they get what's going on?"

"Not good," Derek shook his head. "Katie's blaming Meredith, she's completely lashing out at her, not listening to anything she says. Dan's just upset because everyone else is. I'm sleeping here, and they just don't understand the fact that I'm not going to be living there anymore."

"I still don't get why you're not fighting harder," Mark said. "I would have thought that you would have done anything to make this work with Meredith, especially with everything the two of you have been through."

"She wants a divorce," Derek shrugged, tears still filling his eyes at the word. A week didn't make it hurt any less. "So I'm doing it for her. To make her happy. I promised I would always make her happy."

"Shit," Mark shook his head. "Is there anything at all I can do for you? Do you need anything?"

"No," Derek sighed, stabbing at the salad. He wasn't really hungry, but Mark needed to eat.

"Is she working today?" Mark asked.

"No, she's taking Katie to her gymnastics class today," Derek said. "Then Dan has a check up."

"Alright, so let's get out of this damn office," Mark said, standing and moving towards the door. "Get some fresh air, change of scenery."

Derek rose to follow his best friend, stopping halfway to the door when his phone rang from the resting place on its hip. "Hang on." He looked down at the display, taking a deep breath before he looked up at Mark.

"Who is it?" Mark asked.

"Meredith," Derek breathed. "Why is she calling me? She's supposed to be at Katie's gymnastics class right now."

"Want me to give her a piece of my mind?" Mark asked, reaching for the phone. "Let me tell her off."

"No," Derek shook his head, pressing the send button and holding the phone up to his ear. "Hi Mer."

"Derek," her voice choked out, and he felt his heart stop in his chest. She was crying, really crying, and he instinctively knew that something was wrong with either her or one of the children.

"What is it?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"Katie," Meredith said through her tears. "She…she fell off of the balance beam during her class."

"Is she okay?" Derek asked, reaching for his keys. "Where are you? I'll be there as soon as I can."

"We're in the pit," Meredith said, and Derek immediately sprinted out of his office towards the stairs.

"I'll be right down," he said, already out of breath as he bounded down the stairs two at a time. Something was wrong with his daughter, with his little princess, and he had to get to her. This couldn't be it. After all the shit that they'd been through this couldn't happen. He couldn't lose his little girl, that would kill him. She had to be okay, he could never get over losing her.

"Derek!" Meredith's tear stained face met him in the middle of the pit, and he swallowed hard as she threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his neck. His arms immediately wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him as her tears soaked his shirt.

"Where is she?" he asked, to distracted to really enjoy the feeling of having his wife in his arms again. "Is she okay? What happened?"

"She fell of the balance beam," Meredith whispered, pulling back from him, but keeping one hand tightly in his. "About a foot and a half to the ground, but she hit her head pretty hard."

"Weren't there mats on the ground?" Derek frowned.

"Yeah, but she hit her head on the beam on the way down," Meredith whispered. "She was conscious, but she kept saying she was dizzy, and she wasn't walking in a straight line. I brought her right here."

"Where is she?" Derek asked.

"Nelson's looking at her right now," Meredith sniffled. "She's been asking for you since we got here."

"Okay," Derek said, swallowing hard as he followed Meredith to a drawn curtain in the corner of the room. He wasn't sure that he was ready to see this, to walk into the ER he saw every day and see his baby girl getting her head examined. But Meredith's hand was still nestled tightly in his, her head having found its way to his shoulder, and that helped enormously.

With a deep breath he pushed the curtain aside, stepping closer to the bed where Katie was lying, looking impossibly small and pale against the sheets of the hospital bed. Dr. Nelson was looking into her eyes with a pen light, and when he was done Katie turned to look at them, smiling when she saw him. "Hi Daddy!" she exclaimed, reaching her arms out to him.

"Hi sweetheart," Derek said, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her head. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired," Katie sighed.

"I think it's just a mild concussion," Dr. Nelson sighed. "But I'm going to run a CT just in case."

"She's going to be okay?" Meredith breathed, her hand tightening around Derek's as she stepped closer to him.

"She'll be fine, Dr. Shepherd," Dr. Nelson smiled. "I know it's scary, but I'm just about sure you'll be able to take her home within the hour."

"Oh," Derek breathed in relief. "That's amazing."

"We'll push her to the front of the list," Dr. Nelson smiled. "I'll take her up myself, she's a special VIP patient."

"Can we come?" Meredith sniffled, burying her face in Derek's shoulder as he squeezed her hand tightly.

"You know the rules about treating patients," Dr. Nelson said softly. "It won't take long, I'll bring her right back down as soon as it's over."

"Okay," Meredith sighed, inhaling deeply as she leaned down to kiss Katie's cheek. "Dr. Nelson's going to take you on a little adventure now, sweetie," she said. "We'll go home in a little while."

Katie frowned as she looked up at her mother. "No home," she shook her head. "I don't want to go home."

"What?" Meredith asked, sharing a concerned glance with Derek.

"Daddy's not at home," Katie said. "I want Daddy."

Derek saw the look of pain that crossed over his wife's face, and he offered a squeeze to her hand before he leaned over Katie's bed. "I'll be there," he promised. "So why don't you be a brave big girl and go upstairs with Dr. Nelson? Mommy and Daddy will be waiting for you right here when you come back down."

"I love you Daddy," Katie whispered, causing tears to fill his eyes.

"I love you too, Katie," he smiled, watching as Dr. Nelson unlocked her gurney and moved towards the elevators.

"We'll be back down soon," he promised, flashing Meredith and Derek a smile as he pressed the button to call the elevator. "Just hang tight."

"Thanks, Eric," Derek smiled, watching as his daughter disappeared behind the elevator doors.

He and Meredith stood silently for a long moment before she seemed to realize what she was doing and dropped his hand quickly, taking several steps away from him. And suddenly he was cold again.

"Thanks for coming," she finally whispered.

"You don't have to thank me," Derek shook his head. "She's my daughter too. I love her just as much as you do."

"I know," Meredith sniffled, her arms crossing over her chest. "And she wanted you there. But…it was nice. Having you here."

"I'm glad I could help you," Derek sighed. "And um…is it okay if I come to the house? For Katie? I'll sleep on the floor in her room, or the couch…"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled slightly. "It…it would be nice to have you there again. For Katie, I mean."

"Yeah," Derek smiled softly. "For Katie."

"Your mom's watching Dan," Meredith sniffled. "I…I should go call her and let her know that everything is okay. Will you stay here and wait for Katie to come back?"

"Of course," Derek smiled. "Then we'll go home."

"Yeah," Meredith smiled, finding herself wishing that home was still associated with Derek. "We'll go home."

XXXXX

Derek sighed as he closed the door to Katie's room gently, a combination of relief and worry flowing through his mind. Katie was going to be fine, but she was still exhausted, and he had just checked on her before he was ready to collapse on the couch downstairs.

"Hey," Meredith's soft voice came from the kitchen, and he turned to see her holding up a bottle of wine. "I need it after a day like today. Care to join?"

Derek tried to control the excitement surging through his veins at the simple invitation, something that had once been a part of their everyday routine. "Of course," he smiled, reaching to open the back door for her.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled slightly as she set the wine on the railing, reaching for the cork screw.

"Tough day," Derek sighed.

"That's an understatement," Meredith sighed as she handed him a glass of wine.

"How are you doing?" Derek asked.

Meredith took a deep breath as she moved to sit on the swing. "Okay," she said, turning to look up at him. "I'm glad that you were there."

"I wouldn't have been anywhere else," Derek said as he tentatively moved to sit down beside her. "She's my little girl."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "She's been so upset that you haven't been here."

Derek didn't say anything, not wanting to say that Katie wasn't the only one who was upset about that fact.

"Derek?" she asked softly, and he turned to look at her, surprised at the vulnerability he found in her eyes.

"Hmmm?" he asked.

Meredith bit her lower lip as she stared at him for a long moment. Just as he was about to ask her what was on her mind, she leaned forward and brushed her lips against his, so quickly that it was over before he could realize what exactly was happening, but that small kiss meant the entire world to him.

"Sorry," she whispered, ducking her head away from him.

"Hey," Derek shook his head, hooking a finger under her chin and forcing her to look up at him. "Don't be sorry."

Meredith sighed as she looked into his eyes for a moment. When she finally looked away, she twirled her wine in the glass, watching as it sloshed along the sides of the glass. "You know," she said softly. "I…I've been thinking."

"Thinking?" Derek asked, his heart pounding in anticipation.

"Yeah," Meredith breathed. "And…well, you don't have to stay on the couch. If you don't want to."

"Oh," Derek sighed. "I want to. I know it's a little awkward, with the separation and everything, but Katie needs me, and I can't just…"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "I mean that you should come sleep in our room. If you want to, I mean."

Derek was unable to resist the smile that spread across his face. "I would love that," he replied. "Are you sure that you're okay with that?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, turning to look at him. "Derek, I…I don't really know what happened to us."

"I don't either," Derek whispered, reaching up to trail a finger along her cheek.

"I'm so confused," she whispered as she leaned into his touch.

"What are you confused about?" Derek prompted.

"Everything," she whispered. "I'm scared, Derek. That I'm not enough for you. When Katie was born we promised each other that we would always find time for each other. And that we would make up after every fight. But we stopped. We didn't do any of that, and now we're here, divorce papers in the works while we're still in love."

Derek sighed as he looked carefully at her. "I do love you, Mer," he whispered. "So much."

"I love you too," she whispered. "But what if that's not enough?"

"It is," Derek promised. "I'd do anything for you, Meredith. You have to know that by now."

"Then why didn't you try to stop me?" Meredith asked. "I was all…PMSing and you just said that you would agree to a divorce."

"I thought that was what you wanted," Derek whispered. "I promised myself a long time ago that I would do whatever it takes to make you happy. So I did it, even thought the thought made me sick to my stomach."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she looked up at him again. "If I ask you a question will you answer honestly?" she whispered.

"Always," he promised.

"Did anything happen between you and that intern?" Meredith asked, and he could see the fear in her eyes even in the dim lighting of their porch.

"Nothing," Derek answered honestly. "I would never do that to you, Meredith, ever. And it hurts a little to think that you don't trust me."

"I do," Meredith breathed. "Or…I did. But then you decided to sleep in the guest room and stop telling me that you loved me, so…I wasn't sure."

Derek nodded softly. "I guess that's fair," he sighed. "I'm sorry. For making you feel that way."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, downing the rest of her wine in one swallow. "I'm going to go check on Katie."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "I'll…I get it if you don't want me to sleep in bed with you."

"Maybe…guest room," Meredith sighed. "I want…I think maybe we can work on things. But I'm scared and confused, so…guest room. If you're okay with that."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "Guest room is good."

"Good," Meredith said, turning to walk back into the house. Derek followed her up the stairs, peeking in over her shoulder as she looked in at Katie who was still sleeping soundly.

"She's out," he breathed as she closed the door. "I guess I'll just…" he sighed as he turned towards the guest room. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Right," Meredith said. "Morning."

"Good night, Mer," he whispered as he turned to open the door to the guest room.

"Good night," she whispered, and suddenly she was gone, in their bedroom behind the closed door.

Derek sighed as he closed the door to the guest room, reaching for the pajamas that he had left in there the week before. He changed quickly, sliding under the sheets and turning out the light before he stared up at the ceiling. He wasn't exactly sure what had happened between him and Meredith downstairs on the porch, but he was pretty sure that it was a good thing.

She'd seemed eager to work on their marriage, and he was more than willing to do whatever it took to make this work between them. The past week had been completely emotional, and he wanted nothing more than to just collapse into bed and hold Meredith all night long. But she had made given him hope that things might work out between them, and that was more than enough for right now.

Just as he was finally starting to drift off to sleep, he heard the door burst open and he sat up in concern, wondering if Katie needed something.

Instead he was met with the sight of his wife, dressed in sport shorts and one of his old t-shirts, standing at the foot of the bed and looking at him carefully. Neither one of them said a word as their eyes remained locked, and before he could ask if she was okay, she simply crawled onto the bed, pushing him onto his back and cuddling into his arms.

Derek didn't say a word as he wrapped his arms tightly around his wife, smiling softly as she tangled her legs with his. He hadn't held her like this as they slept in too long, and it felt completely perfect. She didn't say a word as she buried her face in his neck, and although he felt her tears soaking his shirt, he didn't say anything. Instead, he simply pressed a kiss to the top of her head and ran a comforting hand over her back. Today had been an emotional day, and they needed to let their emotions out after being terrified of losing their daughter.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into the skin of his neck, so softly that he barely heard her. He swallowed hard as he tightened his arms around her, knowing that she needed to feel loved in that moment.

And in that one perfect moment, love was enough.


	75. Chapter 75

Meredith smiled softly as she watched her husband lean over their son's crib. Dan had been especially cranky tonight, refusing to do anything besides sit in Derek's lap all night and cuddle with his daddy. When Derek had brought him upstairs for bed, the little boy had screamed for a good half an hour before he had finally, as Katie put it, run out of screams and fallen asleep in mid temper tantrum. Derek had handled the whole thing like a dream, ignoring the screams and the kicks as he had changed Dan into his pajamas and read him story after story until he had finally fallen asleep. Now Katie was in bed also, and she couldn't help smiling as she watched her husband gently kiss their son goodnight and turn to walk back towards her.

Now Meredith's heart was pounding as Derek walked towards her, and she knew that this was it. They had spent all day together as a family, but neither one of them had really said anything about what was going on between the two of them, and now it was time to talk things over, really decide their future.

"Hey," Derek smiled as he stepped into the hall, closing the door behind him. "He really tired himself out.

Meredith giggled slightly. "According to Katie, he ran out of screams," she reported.

"And Daddy ran out of eardrums," Derek sighed. "That kid definitely got your lungs."

"Hey, it's not like you're the quietest person in the world either," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And Katie totally got your big mouth."

"I'm so proud of her," Derek laughed slightly.

Meredith smiled as they held each other's gaze for a long moment. "So, um…" she finally started, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say to him. "We should talk."

"Yeah," Derek said, looking down at his feet for a moment. "We should."

"Do you…we can talk in bed?" Meredith suggested, biting her lower lip. They'd spent the night together in the guest room two nights ago, but they were both treading carefully, unsure of where the boundaries were in their fuzzy relationship at the moment. This was her way of telling him that she was ready for him to sleep with her in their own bed again, and she hoped that he would pick up on it.

"That sounds perfect," he smiled, reaching out to take her hand. "Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "I mean…we have to talk, and things…it's our room. We can talk in there."

"Okay," Derek nodded, offering her hand a comforting squeeze before he released it and led her into the bedroom. They both sat down on the bed, facing each other in silence for a moment before she finally spoke.

"I'm not sure how to start this," she admitted quietly.

"Me either," Derek sighed. "I…Meredith, I don't want a divorce. I love you."

Tears filled her eyes as she smiled softly at him. "I love you too," she whispered. "But I…I just don't know if that's enough."

"It is," Derek nodded firmly. "I'll do anything to make you happy, Mer, even if it means living without you. I'd hate it, but I'd do it. If I really thought you would be happier without me."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "Not happier. Just…easier."

"I know we have a lot to work through," Derek said softly. "We both screwed up a lot. But really…is two months of fighting worth throwing away four and a half years of marriage?"

"No," she shook her head. "I don't…I know you love the whole and healed Meredith. I love her too, but sometimes…sometimes it's hard to be her all the time."

"I know," Derek said, reaching for her hand. "But you should be able to turn to me when you're not feeling entirely whole and healed."

"But you hate the old Meredith," she whispered.

"No," Derek shook his head. "I never hated you, Meredith, you know that. I just don't understand why you didn't turn to me when you were feeling so overwhelmed with everything. You usually do."

Meredith swallowed hard as she looked down at her hands. "I guess things just got really busy," she said softly. "And I know that's not an excuse, but we were busy, and then we got into that stupid fight on Dan's birthday and things just…spun out of control."

"We both should have tried a little harder," Derek sighed. "And I know…it's going to be hard. But we have to. Even if it's just fifteen minutes a day, we have to have time for us."

"Even if we're exhausted," Meredith nodded.

"Even if we're exhausted," Derek said. "God, Meredith…did you really think that I didn't love you anymore?"

"I didn't know," she whispered. "I'm sorry, Derek, but I was so confused. You stopped telling me, and I know that it's both of our fault, but…I was so scared, Derek. I was scared to say it to you because I was afraid that you wouldn't say it back."

"Is that why you told me you didn't love me?" Derek whispered.

Meredith swallowed hard as she nodded slowly. "That day," she whispered. "The day of the fight last week? It was the day before Izzie's birthday."

"Oh, Mer," Derek breathed. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"I guess that's why," she swallowed hard as she stopped to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I guess that's why I said all those things that I didn't mean. Because I miss her and George so much. It's been over four years, and I still miss them every single day. And days like that…their birthdays, the day they died, it's so hard for me to be whole and healed on those days."

"You should have told me," Derek murmured.

"I tried," Meredith shook her head. "I tried but I saw you walking out of your office with that stupid slut."

"Meredith, nothing…"

"I believe you," Meredith said softly. "I believe you when you say that nothing happened besides the kiss. But in that moment…we hadn't talked in weeks, Derek, and I see you leaving your office with her, your hair a mess and your scrubs all wrinkled? What was I supposed to think?"

"I understand what it must have looked like," Derek sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "But I swear it was nothing. I just…she came to drop labs off, and she saw a picture of Katie and all of a sudden everything just spilled out. I needed to talk to a neutral party and she was there, so it just…came out."

"So your hair was a mess because you were running your hands through it," Meredith smiled as she reached out to run her own fingers through the thick strands she had always loved so much.

"Yeah," Derek smiled softly.

"You always do it when you're stressed," Meredith observed.

"I know," Derek said. "Like when you ramble."

Meredith giggled slightly as she pulled her hand back. "I resent that," she announced.

"I love the rambling."

"I know you do," Meredith giggled slightly. "Derek?"

"Hmm?" he asked.

"We should…I don't want a divorce," she whispered. "So you can call the lawyers or whatever to stop the papers."

"Good," Derek laughed slightly. "Because I never called them."

"You didn't?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"I was hoping that you would come around," Derek sighed.

"I'm sorry," Meredith whispered. "I know that this is all my fault, and I hate that."

"It's not all your fault," Derek shook his head. "It's both of our fault. So I'm sorry too."

They were both silent for a long moment before Meredith asked, "Where do we go from here?"

Derek inhaled sharply as he leaned back into the pillows. "Now," he said. "We figure out how to get back to being the couple we were before."

"With the corniness?" she giggled.

"And the laughing."

"And the sex," Meredith sighed.

Derek smiled as he pulled her into his arms. "Whenever you're ready," he said. "But… Mer we have to make sure this doesn't happen again."

"I know," Meredith sighed. "How do we do that?"

"Us time," Derek said. "Every day. Even if it's just fifteen minutes of talking about nothing important before bed, we need to have us time."

"We can do that," Meredith nodded slowly.

"And Fridays," Derek said. "Fridays are date nights."

"Date nights?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded. "We'll send the kids to Mom's or Mark and Lexie's. And we'll go out to dinner or the movies or whatever you want to do. And have sex."

"Lots of sex?" Meredith asked with hopeful eyes.

"Definitely lots of sex," Derek nodded. "Loud sex. Since the kids won't be around."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she pushed him onto his back and rolled on top of him. "Maybe we should practice," she whispered. "For date night."

Derek smiled softly as he ran his hands over her body, the curves he knew so well and had missed so much. "I like that idea," he said. "Although the kids are home, so…"

"No loud sex," she whispered as she reached down to unbutton his shirt, nibbling gently at his shirt. "Derek…"

"What do you want, Mer?" he whispered.

"Will you make love to me?" Meredith whispered as she lifted her head to look down at him carefully.

"Oh, Meredith," he breathed as he rested his hands on her hips, gently moving her over to rest her on her back, reaching down to pull her shirt over her head. "Of course."

She smiled softly as he reached behind her to unhook her bra, tossing it to the ground as he let his hungry gaze roam over her exposed chest. "Derek," she whispered, reaching up to push his shirt over his shoulders, running her hands over the soft hair on his chest for a moment before she brought her hands to his hair, gently guiding his face to her breasts. "Oh," she gasped as she felt him take her right nipple into his mouth, sucking and nibbling gently.

"Hmmm," Derek breathed. "You taste so good."

"Derek," she whispered, her fingers threading through his hair as she held him close to her. "Yes…"

Derek gently moved to her other breast, sucking gently for a moment before he trailed his lips down her stomach. His tongue lapped at the skin around her belly button before he reached for the button on her jeans. "So beautiful."

"Derek," she breathed, watching his eyes darken as he pulled her jeans down, her underwear quickly following. "Please."

"Hmmm," he sighed as he stepped off of the bed, quickly stepping out of his pants and boxers before he climbed back onto the bed, settling himself between her legs as he propped himself on his forearms, looking deeply into her eyes. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she breathed as she arched her back into his. "Derek…please."

He kept his eyes trained on hers as he slowly sank into her, letting his entire length move into her inch by inch.

"Oh," she gasped. It had been nearly two months since they'd had sex, and she shifted her hips slightly as her walls spread to accommodate his size.

"You…you okay?" Derek breathed, staring down at her once he was fully inside of her.

"Yeah," she smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're so big, Derek."

"You know what I like to hear," he smiled as he ran his hands up and down the curves of her body. "Can I…"

"Yes," she breathed, arching her hips into his. "Please, Derek."

He slowly pulled out of her, his hand traveling down her thigh to wrap her leg around his waist as he moved back in just as slowly. "Meredith," he whispered. "God you feel good."

"Oh," Meredith moaned, her head falling back against the pillows as she ran her hands up and down his back. She arched her back as he continued to move in and out of her at a much slower pace than usual. "Derek…yes!"

"I love you," Derek whispered, leaning down to trail his lips against her shoulder, gently nibbling and licking as he continued to thrust into her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Meredith breathed. "Derek…please. Faster, please."

"Faster," he nodded. He continued to scrape his teeth against her shoulder as he increased the pace slightly.

"Oh," Meredith gasped as she tightened her thigh around his waist. "Yes, Derek…yes!"

Derek moaned softly, feeling her walls beginning to clench around him as he continued to move into her. "Meredith," he breathed, reaching to link their hands together and holding her hands over her head. "Yes…"

"Oh God!" Meredith gasped as her back arched into him. "Yes, Derek!"

"Come," Derek breathed in her ear. "Come for me, Meredith."

"Yes," she breathed, her leg clenching around his waist and holding him in place as she felt herself come around him. "Derek…"

"Meredith," he breathed, his penis twitching hard as she held him tightly inside of her. "Please, Mer…"

She released him just as the sweet feeling of pleasure washed over her, moaning in pleasure as he thrust into her a few more times before he released himself into her with one last powerful thrust.

"Meredith," he whimpered as he collapsed on top of her, remaining deep inside of her as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. "God, I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his sweaty forehead as she ran her fingers through his damp hair. "So much."

"Hmmm," he sighed contently, cuddling deeper into her warmth, their legs tangling as he remained nestled deep inside of her.

"That was amazing," she whispered.

"Definitely," Derek nodded, the roughness of his five o'clock shadow rubbing against her chest.

"This doesn't fix everything though," she whispered. "Sex…we can't just hide with sex."

"We won't," Derek sighed as he lifted his head from her chest to look deeply into her eyes. "Can you promise me something?"

"Anything," Meredith said, meeting his sparkling eyes as she reached out to trace her finger along the lines of his face.

"Anytime you're feeling not whole and healed," Derek breathed. "Tell me. So we can work on it together without threats of divorce."

Meredith smiled slightly. "I promise," she nodded. "But can you promise me something in return?"

"Anything," he repeated her earlier words.

"When we have days set aside for the four of us," Meredith whispered. "No work? I know you're a doctor, and I get it. I'm a doctor too. But that day…you promised, Derek. It was Dan's first birthday, and more than that you promised that we would have a day for our family, just the four of us for the first time in months that day. And then you went to work."

"I know," Derek sighed. "I'm sorry, Mer, I really am. I hated having to do that, because I love our family days."

"So from now on family days and date nights?" Meredith breathed. "We schedule them for when we're not on call and hide our pagers."

"Sounds perfect," Derek smiled as he rolled off of her, pulling her into his arms. "We still have a lot to talk about."

"Do we have to talk it all out tonight?" she whispered. "I know we have to talk and we will. I just…you're back in our bed."

"I am," Derek smiled as he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. "I love being back in our bed."

"I love having you back here," Meredith sighed, resting her head on his shoulder for a moment. "We have to get dressed."

Derek groaned as she pulled out of his arms and walked to the dresser to pull a t-shirt and leggings out. "Way to ruin the perfect moment."

"Well, if you hadn't trained your daughter to jump on our bed at five o'clock every morning, we would be able to sleep naked," she giggled as she toss him his pajama pants.

"I love morning cuddles with my little princess," Derek laughed.

"I know," Meredith giggled as she climbed back into bed beside him. "Pretty soon Dan will be able to come in on his own to cuddle as well."

"Even better," Derek sighed. "Then we don't have to get up to pull him out of his crib."

"And everyone thinks you're such a good father," Meredith giggled as she cuddled into his arms.

"I'm an excellent father," Derek nodded confidently.

"I know you are," she smiled as she laced their fingers together, trailing her finger around the white gold of his wedding ring. "They missed you. While you were gone."

"I missed them too," Derek sighed. "God, I hated being away from you. All three of you."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, tears filling her eyes again. "I missed you too, Derek. So much."

He smiled softly as he pressed his lips to hers. "I'm back now, Meredith" he whispered. "This is our home. Forever."


	76. Chapter 76

"Daddy! Wake up!"

Derek sighed as he rolled over in bed, the sparkling green eyes of his daughter meeting his as she stared down at him, bouncing slightly. "Is today a special day?" he asked, pretending to think.

"It's Christmas!" Katie cried, climbing onto his chest and hitting his bicep. "Santa came!"

"I think we should wait a little while until we open presents," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly. "Where's Mommy? Is she getting your brother ready?"

"Changing Dan's diaper," Katie sighed. "She said to wake you up so we can open presents from Santa."

"Did she?" Derek sighed. The past month things had been a little better, but still not back to normal. Meredith would usually have woken him herself on Christmas morning, and although they were back to sleeping together in their own bed, she still wasn't comfortable with everything being back to normal. Since Katie's accident the month before they had halted all divorce proceedings and he was officially back to living with his family, where he was supposed to be, but they had been busy trying to get their house and their children ready for Christmas that they hadn't had a chance to really talk things over the way he knew they still needed to. But if things went according to plan, they would have that chance before the end of the week when they had to return to work after the holidays.

"Daddy!" Katie cried, pounding on his shoulder. "Come on! We have to go get the presents Santa left!"

"Sorry sweetheart," he smiled. "But I think I might need some kisses before I get out of bed."

"Daddy," Katie rolled her eyes. "Presents!"

"Kisses," Derek argued.

"Presents!"

"After kisses." He loved that his daughter was old enough to have conversations with, but still young enough that she thought he was still the man in her life. He loved cuddling with her in the morning.

Katie sighed dramatically as she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Presents?"

"Thank you, princess," Derek laughed, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to her cheek. "Let's wait for your mother and brother to be ready. Presents are for all four of us, not just you."

"No," Katie frowned.

"Yes," Derek laughed as he pulled the shirt of her pajamas up and pressed a raspberry to her tummy, causing her to laugh loudly.

"Daddy!" she giggled.

"Katie!" he laughed in response.

"Dada!" Dan's voice chimed in, and Derek looked up to see his wife walking behind Dan as he toddled into their bedroom.

"Hey buddy," he smiled as he leaned down to pick his son up and set him on his chest. "Merry Christmas. How did you sleep?"

"Pe sent?" Dan asked, looking at Katie expectantly.

"Has your sister been teaching you words?" Derek asked as he smiled slightly at his wife for a moment.

"He's very excited to see what Santa brought," Meredith giggled as she sat down and pulled Katie into her arms. "Good morning sweetie. Are you excited for Christmas? I bet you have a lot of presents!"

"Mommy," Katie sighed, bouncing up and down in her lap. "Presents! Santa came with presents!"

Meredith giggled slightly as she stood, holding Katie on her hip. "Shall we go bring our little angels downstairs to see what Santa brought them?" she asked her husband, her eyes sparkling.

"It would probably be a good idea before they explode with excitement," Derek laughed, moving out of bed and pulling Dan into his arms. "Let's go see what Santa brought for the two most perfect kids in the world."

He followed his wife down the stairs, smiling at the gentle way she giggled with their daughter as they made their way down the stairs.

"Daddy," Dan said as they approached the living room. He struggled in Derek's arms, trying to fight his way to the ground. "Down."

"You want to get down?" Derek laughed.

"Daddy," Dan insisted, kicking his legs violently against Derek's ribs. "Down! P-sents! Down!"

"Here you go, buddy," he laughed, setting him on the ground and watching him race after his sister towards the pile of presents that sat under the tree. Lucky bounded after them, sniffing the boxes curiously before he turned to lick Katie's cheek, causing her to giggle loudly.

"Did you let him out?" Meredith murmured as she came to stand beside him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Mmmhmm," Derek nodded, looking at her for a moment as he reached for her hand. "Merry Christmas, Meredith."

She smiled slightly as she turned to look at him. "Merry Christmas, Derek," she whispered.

"Mommy look!" Katie cried, running over to them. "New dolly! Santa bring me new dolly!"

"Wow," Meredith smiled as she tore her gaze from Derek and knelt in front of her daughter on the ground. "But what did Daddy and I say about how we open presents on Christmas morning?"

"Um…" Katie bit her lower lip as she thought, obviously remembering their rule but trying to think of an excuse as to why she didn't listen. The same way Meredith did when he caught her eating cake frosting directly from the tub. "You gotta watch us while we open presents?

"Yep," Meredith said, taking the doll from Katie's hands and settling down beside her on the ground.

"I sorry, Mommy," Katie sighed, looking down at her feet with a pout on her face, trying her best to look truly sorry.

"It's okay, baby girl," Meredith smiled as she pushed her gently towards the tree again. "We're paying attention now, so it's okay. Why don't you go help your brother open a present?"

"Okay, Mommy," Katie nodded, moving back towards the tree and reaching to help Dan tear the wrapping paper off of a package that he was staring at with a combination of curiosity and confusion.

"I'll grab the camera," Derek said, pressing his hand to Meredith's arm for a moment before he disappeared in the hall, returning a moment later with their camera. "Smile, Mer."

"Derek," she giggled slightly. "Take pictures of the kids. Not me. No one wants pictures of me."

"But you're cute," Derek protested, hoping that today they could be them, really be them, instead of the awkward couple they had grown into for the past month. He missed his wife, and wanted her back.

Meredith rolled her eyes as she looked up at him. "They're going to wonder why there are no pictures of them on Christmas morning," she giggled as she tugged on his hand and pulled him to sit beside her.

"There are pictures," he nodded as he snapped a picture of Katie ripping the paper off of a DVD.

"Chanted!" she cried, holding it up for inspection from her parents, bouncing excitedly in place.

"Enchanted," Derek smiled, taking the DVD case from her. "Although I think this one was supposed to be for Mommy."

"Shut up," Meredith giggled.

"You're the one that drools over what's his name every time you make Katie watch the movie," Derek pointed out.

"He's hot," Meredith shrugged.

"Someday you're going to learn not to tell your husband when you think other men are jealous," Derek pouted.

"Don't worry, Derek," she smiled slightly. "You know you're my number two man."

"Number two?" he frowned.

"Mmmhmm," Meredith smiled as she reached to pull Dan into her lap. "After this handsome little guy."

Derek laughed as Dan cuddled into his mother's arms. "I suppose I can accept that," he said. "As long as your number one man over the age of two, I can share with this little guy."

"Always," Meredith sighed as she leaned in to his open embrace. "I love you, Derek," she whispered.

Derek smiled as he reached to intercept a present that Katie was reaching for. "Hold on, Katie Bell, that one is for Mommy," he said, taking the envelope from his daughter's hands.

"Derek," Meredith frowned as she shifted Dan on her lap to reach for the envelope. "What is it?"

"Open it and see," Derek laughed slightly.

Meredith looked at him closely for a moment before she opened the envelope, her eyes widening slightly. "Wine country?" she breathed, looking up to meet his eyes again.

"Mmmhmmm," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her. "For New Year's. What do you say?"

"What about the kids?" Meredith asked, glancing over to where Katie was giggling loudly as Lucky nudged her with his nose.

"Mark said he and Lexie would take them," Derek said as he reached for her hand. "We don't have to go, Mer. I just thought…we're better, but we haven't had any time to really talk things over the way we should have. I figured this would be the perfect time to do that."

Meredith offered him a sly smile. "And that's all you want to do?" she asked with a raised eyebrow. "Talk?"

"Well, there will be some activities that shouldn't be discussed in front of our children," Derek laughed as he squeezed her hand. "What do you say?"

She smiled slightly as she rested her head against his shoulder. "I think it sounds amazing," she said. "I know we've been busy, but…things have been better lately."

"They have," Derek said, holding her close. "I just want to make sure that we get back to the way we were. Where you're not afraid to trust me and I'm not living every moment terrified of losing you."

"I want that too," she whispered, lifting her head off of his shoulder to smile at him for a moment before she reached for another present under the tree. "This is yours," she smiled softly. "From me."

Derek smiled as he reached for the long flat box, opening it to see a large picture frame, a collage of their life together display in front of him. In the center was a picture of their wedding, surrounded by smaller pictures of when both of their children were born, moving into the house, a few of them when she had been pregnant. In the bottom of the frame sat the sacred post it note on which they had first promised to be with each other forever.

"Meredith," he smiled as he ran his fingers over the images, smiling at a picture of them the Christmas before, Dan still a tiny baby as he sat nestled in Meredith's arms and Katie giggling in his lap.

"Do you like it?" she asked, biting her lower lip nervously. "I know it's not much, but I thought you could put it in your office, either here or at the hospital…"

"I love it," Derek smiled, leaning in to kiss her. "It's beautiful, Mer. Thanks."

Meredith smiled as she took the frame from his hands. "I picked my favorites," she said, pointing to a picture of him and Dan just after he had been born. He was cradling his son close to his chest, smiling down at him and completely oblivious to anything else around him, especially the camera. "I remember taking that picture. You were so happy to have a son."

"I finally got my boy," Derek sighed, looking up from the picture to see Dan sitting beside Katie, giggling as he watched her try to climb onto Lucky's back. "He's so big."

"I know," Meredith sighed as she looked down at her hands.

"You okay?" Derek frowned as he looked at her.

"I'm fi…" she started to say, then shook her head. "Never mind."

"Meredith," he sighed.

"I'll tell you later," she promised, reaching for his hand. "I'm just…it's still hard. Doing this without George and Izzie."

"I know," Derek sighed, leaning into her. "It's been over thirty years…and I still miss my dad every Christmas."

Meredith wiped a tear from the corner of her eye as she turned to look up at him. "Derek?" she whispered.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"What else can we do?" she asked. "To be us again? I hate that I screwed us up, and I just…I want to be us again."

"We'll figure it out," he sighed as he pulled her close to press a kiss to the top of her head. "We love each other a hell of a lot. We've managed to set aside at least fifteen minutes for each other every day. We'll get back to where we were. I know we will."

"Good," she whispered. "Because right now…we came so close to being apart for today and forever, and I don't know how I would have dealt with that. I don't think I could have done it."

"It was the worst week of my life," Derek said softly, tears filling his eyes at the memory of the time that he had thought that he would have to continue his life without Meredith at his side.

"I wish I could make that up to you," Meredith sighed, looking down at their entwined hands.

"You let me come home, Mer," he smiled slightly as he let go of her hand to wrap an arm around her. "That's more than enough. That and the fact that you've promised me that you'll turn to me next time you're feeling dark and twisty."

"I will," she said, leaning in to him as they turned to watch their children giggle over their new presents together. "Four months ago I thought that I would be pregnant by now."

"Me too," Derek admitted softly. "That was the plan."

"Until things went crazy," Meredith sighed.

"We'll have another baby," Derek promised. "When we're on steady ground again we'll start trying."

"I can't wait to have a baby around again," she whispered as she watched Dan stand and walk over to them, opening her arms for him to cuddle into. "We have two big kids now, don't we Dan?"

"Mama!" he giggled, reaching out to pat her hand.

"Daddy, I hungry!" Katie cried as she ran over to them, cuddling herself into his lap.

"Are you now?" Derek asked as he kissed her cheek. "Do you want special Christmas pancakes?"

"Christmas pancakes?" she asked with wide and excited eyes.

"That's right," Derek smiled. "Daddy is going to make you pancakes that look like Christmas trees."

"Wow!" Katie exclaimed. "Christmas pancakes!"

"Who's the best daddy in the world?" Derek asked as he rose to his feet, still cradling Katie in his arms.

"You are!" she cried as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"And who's my favorite Katie in the world?" Derek asked, settling her on the counter and turning to smile at Meredith who was settling Dan into his high chair.

"I am!" Katie giggled loudly.

"Exactly," Derek nodded.

"Careful, sweetheart," Meredith smiled as she stepped to brace Katie on the counter. "We don't want you to hit your head again."

"I careful, Mommy," Katie nodded.

"Good girl," Meredith smiled as she pulled the milk out of the fridge, pouring it into a sippy cup and handing it to Katie. "Drink up."

"Tanks," Katie smiled as she held the cup up to her lips.

"Christmas tree pancakes?" Meredith smiled as she turned to watch her husband stand over the stove, a hand still stabilizing Katie on the counter.

"My mom does it," Derek smiled softly.

"You miss her," Meredith observed softly.

"It's weird not being with the rest of the family on Christmas," he sighed. "But we got her for Thanksgiving, so I suppose it's only fair that the girls get her for Christmas."

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled, stepping closer to him to wrap her arms around his waist. "We can go to New York next year."

"If you're not pregnant," Derek nodded firmly.

"If I'm not pregnant," she giggled in agreement.

"Which you will be if I do my job right," Derek said.

"Little ears," Meredith giggled as she released him and turned back to their daughter, tickling Katie's stomach gently.

Derek smiled as he watched his wife giggle with their daughter. This Christmas was one of the best so far, and he found himself so much more grateful for it this year. He had almost lost this, he had almost not been able to be here for this completely perfect morning. He was beyond grateful that he was here to experience this, but there was still a tiny part of him that felt that he had to take advantage of this moment because it might not last forever


	77. Chapter 77

"Your turn," Meredith giggled as she ran her hands over Derek's wet arms that were wrapped around her waist, the warm bubbles in the bathtub of their beautiful hotel in Sonoma brushing against the top of her breasts as he gently nibbled on her neck, leaving a small bite mark where his lips met her skin.

"My turn for what?" he murmured against her skin. She sighed as she tilted her head to the side to give him better access.

"You have to tell me what your favorite part of this past year was," Meredith said, leaning in to his touch.

"Hmmm," Derek sighed, shifting to rest his chin against her shoulder, his hands playing against the soft skin of her stomach. "We had our wedding this year. I think that was my favorite part."

"We did," Meredith giggled softly. "That was a good part, probably my number two moment."

"It wasn't your favorite?" Derek murmured.

"I think…my favorite part was the week leading up to the wedding," Meredith whispered. "We were…it was so exciting, and we were so in love. It was like nothing else mattered."

"It was amazing," Derek sighed. "God, you looked so beautiful that day. I think I fell even more in love with you that day."

"It was the perfect wedding," Meredith sighed. "Perfect for us. Simple and small, but completely perfect."

"Completely," Derek nodded against her neck.

"What about this coming year?" Meredith whispered. "What do you want to happen this year?"

Derek was silent for a moment before he pressed a gentle kiss to the back of her head. "I think we're pretty much back to normal," he murmured.

"We are," Meredith smiled. "I love that."

"Me too," Derek sighed. "I guess this year…I want Katie to start preschool and love it. I want Dan to really grow into his own person, a real toddler. I want you to be truly happy and to turn to me when anything at all goes wrong in your life. I want us to communicate better so we don't end up almost losing each other again. I want us to be happy and have fun with our kids."

"Is that it?" Meredith asked softly.

"Well, getting you pregnant wouldn't exactly be a bad thing either," Derek smiled softly. "But we have to wait for you to be ready for that. It's okay if it doesn't happen this year. We have time."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed softly, shifting in the tub to straddle him, cupping his cheeks in her hands as she looked deeply into his eyes. "What would you say if I was more than ready?" she asked softly.

Derek raised an eyebrow, but he ran his hands over her hips in response. "I would say let's start trying," he smirked slightly.

Meredith giggled slightly as she reached for his hand. "What if I told you we don't need to try?" she whispered.

Derek's eyes widened slightly, and he blinked in surprise for a moment before he brought a hand to her stomach. "Mer," he whispered. "Are you…are you pregnant? Are we going to have a baby?"

"I took the test this morning," she smiled as she held his hand against the still smooth plane of her stomach. "It's positive, Derek."

"We're pregnant," Derek whispered, staring at her for a moment before he leaned in to kiss her. "We're having a baby."

"We're having another baby," Meredith echoed, leaning in to press her lips against his gently. "You're going to be a daddy again."

"Oh, Meredith," he breathed, wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. "God, I love you so much."

"I love you too," she smiled slightly. "And it's a good thing. Because we're about to get in way over our heads."

"Why?" Derek smiled against her lips.

"Katie will be four when the baby's born," Meredith murmured. "Dan won't even be two. We're about to have three children under the age of five. It's not exactly going to be easy."

"We can do it," Derek smiled. "How…how far along are you? How big is our baby? He or she can't be that big."

Meredith smiled as she settled herself on his lap, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. "I'm not sure," she said. "I was late for my period, and I took the test this morning. I'll go to Dr. Cooper when we get home. But…probably about six weeks. When we started having sex again."

"Six weeks," Derek murmured. "End of July."

"End of July," Meredith sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Happy New Year, Der."

"Happy New Year," Derek smiled as he ran his hands over her belly again. "Happy New Year, Baby Shepherd."

"Baby says Happy New Year, Daddy," Meredith sighed, shivering slightly as she tried to cuddle closer to him.

"Here," Derek said shifting out from underneath her to step out of the tub, holding up a large fluffy towel for her to step into.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled as she wrapped the towel around her waist, giggling slightly at her husband's naked body. "Horny again?"

"You just got out of the tub and your body is dripping wet," Derek breathed, looking down at his straining erection as he reached for his own towel. "What do you expect from me?"

"Hmmm," Meredith smiled, smiling down at his large member for a moment before she moved to tie the towel around his waist. "No sex right now. Later, definitely, just…not now."

"Not now?" Derek raised an eyebrow as he followed her into the bedroom where a king size bed sat in the middle of the room, the sheets already a mess from their earlier activities. "Who are you, and what have you done with my wife? My wife never turns down sex."

"I'm still your wife," she giggled as she pushed him onto the bed and cuddled into his arms, bringing his hand to rest on her stomach. "But we just found out about Baby Shepherd. I don't want to…it feels wrong to celebrate having another baby with having sex."

"Good point," Derek smiled, rubbing her stomach gently. "Sorry Baby Shepherd. I'm very happy that you're safe in Mommy's tummy."

Meredith was silent for a moment before she whispered, "Do you want a boy or a girl this time?"

"Hmm," Derek sighed, undoing the towel around her body before he trailed his lips down to kiss her stomach gently. "Either. Just so long as he or she is healthy, it doesn't matter."

"I found out about Katie when I was three weeks pregnant," Meredith whispered. "But I didn't feel pregnant until I was closer to twelve weeks, so maybe it's a girl again. Bring us Shepherd women in the lead."

"You were sick pretty early when you were pregnant with Katie," Derek murmured as he kissed a circle around her belly button.

"True," Meredith smiled, running a hand through his hair as he rested his head against her still flat stomach.

"Was it different with Dan?" Derek asked.

Meredith smiled sympathetically at the pain he saw flash in his eyes. She knew that he still felt guilty over the fact that he had missed the majority of her pregnancy with Dan because of his coma. "Don't feel guilty," she whispered slightly. "But with Dan…I started showing a lot earlier. And I didn't get sick until later, but once the sickness started, it never stopped."

"Hmm," Derek sighed. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see in a few months."

"We're going to have to explain it to Dan and Katie," Meredith murmured.

"Dan won't understand," Derek sighed. "But Katie…I don't know how she'll react."

"She loves Dan," Meredith murmured.

"She doesn't really remember a time without him around," Derek sighed. "And she wasn't happy with having to share us with him."

"She'll have to adjust," Meredith sighed. "It will be hard for all of us, but…we can do it. Right?"

"We can," Derek smiled. "It will be an adjustment, but we'll make it work."

"Should we move Dan to his own room now?" Meredith whispered.

"Before Baby comes," Derek nodded. "But…we have a long time to worry about that. Tonight we can just celebrate the fact that we're going to have a baby."

"Another baby," Meredith sighed. "Maybe this one will look like me."

"I'm not sure why you're so against the fact that our children look like me," Derek laughed as he moved to rest his head on the pillow beside hers.

"I'm not against it," Meredith shook her head. "It would just be nice if every once in awhile someone could see apart of me in my own children."

"Katie has your nose."

"She does," Meredith sighed. "And that's pretty much it."

"She's stubborn like you," Derek offered.

"Okay, you haven't experience early pregnancy hormones in over four years, so I'm going to remind you that it's not a good thing to mock your pregnant wife when her body is being taken over by your baby," Meredith informed him.

"Are you actually having any symptoms yet?" Derek asked.

"Well…no," Meredith shrugged. "Not besides the missed period."

"Good," Derek said, pressing a kiss to her naked shoulder. "Mer?"

"Hmmm?" she whispered, her eyes falling closed as his hands worked over the sore muscles of her back.

"Happy New Year," he whispered in her ear.

Meredith's eyes flew open as her eyes landed on the clock. 12:00. She smiled as she turned in his arms, running her fingers through his hair as she leaned in to kiss him. "Happy New Year," she whispered against his lips.

"I love you so much," he whispered.

"I love you too," she murmured, rolling onto her back and pulling him on top of her. "Show me. Show me how much you love me."

"Gladly," Derek smiled, pressing his lips to hers in a passionate kiss before he spread her legs to sink into her warmness, an unbelievable feeling of pleasure washing over him as she arched her back into him. This was perfection, complete perfection, and he never wanted to move from this spot.

XXXXX

"Oh my God," Meredith panted as she fell against the pillows, her chest heaving hard as Derek rolled off of her. "Derek…god, you're amazing."

"You too," he breathed heavily, laying on his back beside her as he tried to catch his own breath. "I love pregnant sex."

"Hmmm, me too," Meredith breathed, turning slightly to look at him. "Everything is so much more…intense. And you…you feel even bigger than you already are."

"God, Meredith," he gasped, a hand going down to his penis that was already twitching with need again. "You're going to kill me."

"Definitely not," she breathed. "I'd miss you too much."

"Good to know," Derek gasped, turning onto his side and propping a hand on his elbow, his other hand moving to massage her swollen breast. "I love the pregnant boobs."

Meredith giggled slightly. "It's not exactly the worst part of pregnancy," she admitted.

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head, cupping her right breast in his hand. "This was the main reason I wanted you pregnant again."

"Oh, that's it?" Meredith giggled slightly. "You just like the bigger boobs? It has nothing to do with bringing another baby into our family to love and raise?"

"Well…those are good reasons too," Derek nodded. "But these…I can definitely enjoy these."

"We can stop talking about my boobs now," Meredith giggled as she pulled the sheet up over her body that had cooled from their love making.

"Sorry," Derek smiled, moving his hand down to her stomach. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Anything," Meredith shrugged. "Baby. Our living babies. Us. Work. How we're going to tell your mom that you've knocked me up for the third time in two years."

"She'll be thrilled," Derek said. "She's been bugging me for grandchildren with the Shepherd name since I turned twenty five."

"When you were married to Addison," Meredith nodded slowly.

"You know, she never told me that she didn't like Addison," Derek said softly. "Not that she didn't like her, but…she knew that Addison wasn't the one for me. And she never said anything."

"Does that make you angry?" Meredith frowned softly.

"A little," Derek admitted softly. "Part of me feels like if she had told me that she didn't think I should have married Addison, I would have broken up with her. And then we could have met sooner and been happy earlier."

"Hmmm," Meredith considered his words for a moment. "I'm glad you married Addison."

"What?" Derek frowned.

"When you married Addison, I was seventeen," Meredith pointed out. "I was cutting class and walking around in black clothes with pink hair. Not only would it have been completely wrong, but I never would have been interested in the valedictorian from Bowdoin's graduating class."

"True," Derek sighed. "And I would never have dreamed that I would end up with the angry girl with pink hair."

"So it's a good thing," Meredith nodded. "And even if by some twisted logic we would have ended up together twenty years ago, there never would have been a Katie. Or a Dan."

"Or whoever this is going to be," Derek smiled as he trailed his fingers across her stomach.

"Our kids would be eighteen and fifteen," Meredith whispered.

"I'm not ready for that," Derek laughed softly.

"It won't be long before we're there," she sighed.

"Well we can just keep having babies so that we'll always have a newborn in the house," Derek nodded firmly.

"That won't stop the older one from growing up," Meredith whispered softly. "And I refuse to be pregnant until menopause."

"But you're such a cute pregnant woman," Derek protested.

"One more," Meredith said. "Depending on how this pregnancy goes…one more after this."

"One more is good," Derek nodded. "But that's a long time away."

"Right now we have to think about Baby," Meredith smiled softly as she trailed her hand over her stomach.

"I love the way you look when you're pregnant," Derek breathed.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "I thought I told you it was creepy to keep talking about my boobs."

"No, not that," he said, leaning back to look at her. "I don't know why I didn't notice it earlier, but you have this…glow. Which sounds so corny, I know, but you have this beautiful secret smile every time you touch your stomach or talk about the baby. I love it."

"Me too," she sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. "It's still kind of surreal."

"Surreal?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled softly. "It's the third time I've been pregnant, but it's still hard for me to believe that there's a baby inside of me. Something is living inside of me, with a heart and a brain and fingers. It's just…surreal."

"I remember when you were pregnant with Katie," Derek smiled softly. "When you could feel her and you were showing, but I still couldn't feel her. I knew she was in there, I'd seen the pictures and could see your tummy, but it was still so hard for me to believe that my baby was inside of you."

"I wonder what this baby is going to be like," Meredith whispered. "Boy or girl…will he or she look like you or me? Have your ego or my rambling habits? Will our son like to sit with Daddy and fish, or will our daughter love to eat strawberry ice cream and watch movies with me?"

"This baby will be perfect, Meredith," Derek smiled softly. "Just like Katie and Dan are. Just like their mommy."

"And their daddy," she whispered.

"I think this baby is exactly what we need," he said, smoothing his hand over her stomach. "I feel like we're back to the Meredith and Derek we were."

"Me too," she agreed, a soft smile playing over her lips. "I love that."

"Thanks, Baby," Derek whispered as he moved his lips down to her stomach. Mommy and Daddy needed your help."

"He or she made us us again," Meredith whispered.

"And I already love Baby so much for doing that," Derek smiled as he laced his fingers together with hers. "We're having a baby, Mer."

"We're having a baby," Meredith echoed with a wide smile. This baby was exactly what they needed.


	78. Chapter 78

"Mommy!"

Meredith sighed as she heard her daughter's voice whispering to her from beside her pillow. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart."

"It's my birthday," Katie said, and after a moment she felt Derek lean over her to pull their daughter onto the bed.

"Happy birthday, princess," he whispered. "We're going to have a special day, just for you, I promise. But remember what I told you about Mommy being sleepy? We have to be quiet and let her sleep a little longer."

"It's morning," Katie sighed. "No sleepy."

"Well, Mommy's not feeling very well, so we're going to let her sleep a little longer," Derek said.

"It's okay, Der," Meredith sighed, pulling her exhausted body to turn over and face her husband and daughter. "I'm awake."

"Are you sure?" Derek frowned. "You were sick until late last night. You can sleep a little longer."

"It's fine," Meredith shook her head before she reached out to pull her daughter into her arms. "And we have such a big girl in our bed. I don't know what happened to our baby girl."

"I here!" Katie giggled. "I four now!"

"You are, you're such a big girl," Meredith giggled, trying to ignore the exhaustion creeping over her body. She was four and a half months pregnant now, and more tired than she had been during either one of her previous pregnancies. A combination of being a good wife and mother, working full time, and being pregnant was really starting to take its toll on her. But today was her daughter's fourth birthday, which meant no work for her and Derek. And if she knew her husband, she would get spoiled just as much as their daughter. He was always an amazing husband, but when she was pregnant he was so much more attentive, since the only way he could really care for the baby that was nestled safe inside of her stomach was to spoil her. And she was completely okay with that.

"Mama!" Dan's voice shouted from down the hall. "Out! Mommy, Daddy, Dan want out!"

"I'll get him," Derek sighed as he leaned over to kiss her gently, a hand brushing against her stomach ever so subtly. They still hadn't told the kids about the new baby; they'd been waiting until the end of the first trimester to tell everyone, but they were still trying to figure out a way to explain to Katie what was going to happen at the beginning of August when Meredith gave birth.

"It's okay," she shook her head. "I have to pee anyways."

"Okay," Derek sighed, leaning back into the pillows and pulling Katie into his arms. "What do you want to do today, birthday girl?"

Meredith sighed as she walked into their bathroom, stopping in front of the mirror after she washed her hands to examine her body. Four and a half months along, and she was already showing. She was still in the awkward stage where no one who had ever seen her before would be able to tell if she was pregnant or just overweight. Her boobs were huge, bigger than they had been with either Dan or Katie, much to Derek's delight. And although she wasn't quite big enough to make Derek pull her maternity clothes out of the attic, she was wearing a pants size that was two sizes bigger than normal. She smiled softly as she lifted Derek's t-shirt up over her swollen belly and ran her hands over the bump.

"Hi baby," she whispered softly. "We're celebrating your big sister's birthday today. Hopefully Daddy will spoil us with lots of treats."

"Mommy!" Dan's voice came from down the hall again, this time sounding as if he was on the verge of tears, so she quickly adjusted her shirt and moved down the hall, stepping into Dan's new bedroom, across the hall from Katie's. Derek and Mark had spent hours redecorating the room with a fire truck theme, and their son who was now nearly a year and a half old loved being in his new room. They had completely cleaned the nursery from top to bottom, and were currently waiting to find out their baby's gender to figure out what stuffed animals to decorate it with this time around.

"Hi Danny boy," she giggled as she lowered the safety bar on his new bed and leaned over to pick him up. "Are you ready to celebrate Katie's birthday?"

"Birday?" Dan asked, his eyes wide.

"Not yours, silly goose," Meredith giggled, making her way back down the hall to her own bedroom. "Your sister's."

"Kay!" Dan giggled when Meredith deposited him on the bed where Katie was cuddled into Derek's arms.

"It's my birthday!" Katie announced proudly to her brother. "I four now!"

"You feeling okay?" Derek murmured as he pulled Meredith closer, brushing a hand over her belly.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Just tired."

"Not nauseous?" Derek asked.

"Not yet," she sighed. "But…well, hopefully Katie won't want p-a-n-c-a-k-e-s for breakfast."

"I'll suggest something else," Derek nodded firmly.

"Thanks," she sighed as she cuddled into his arms.

"Mommy," Katie turned to Meredith, trying to crawl into her arms and frowning at the swollen belly that prevented her from cuddling as close as she usually did to her mother. "Cuddle?"

"We can cuddle," Meredith nodded, opening her arms to her daughter. "Come here."

"Mommy fat," Katie giggled as she rested her head on Meredith's chest and slapping her hand against Meredith's stomach.

"Katherine Isobel, you should know better than to ever call your mommy fat," Derek laughed slightly, but he met Meredith's eyes over Katie's head. They held each other's gaze for a moment before she nodded, signaling that now was a good time to have the discussion with their kids.

"Hey Katie bug," Derek said, pulling Dan into his arms. "You want to hear some pretty exciting news?"

"Yeah!" she cried, her eyes lighting up.

"Well, Mommy's tummy is so big because there's a baby in there," Derek said.

Katie's eyes widened in fear and she pulled herself out of Meredith's arms. "Mommy ate baby?" she asked.

"No, I didn't eat a baby," Meredith rolled her eyes, slapping her husband's bicep. "Katie, Mommy and Daddy have been thinking really hard lately, and we decided that it's time for you to have another brother or a sister. What do you think of that?"

Katie thought for a moment before she nodded firmly. "Sister."

"You don't get to choose, sweetheart," Derek smiled. "It could be a brother."

"Sister."

"Or a brother."

"Sister."

"Brother."

"Sister."

"Brother."

"Okay!" Meredith rolled her eyes. "We don't need to argue about that right now."

"Sorry," Derek smiled slightly. "So what do you think, princess? Are you ready to be a big sister again?"

Katie thought for a moment before she sighed. "I guess," she said, looking down at Meredith's stomach. "Baby can come now."

Meredith giggled slightly as she ran her hand through her daughter's long black curls. "Sorry, princess. Baby has to grow inside of me for a little while before we can meet him or her."

"How long?" Katie frowned.

"About five more months," Meredith said.

"That's a long time," Katie frowned.

"I know," Meredith giggled. "Daddy and I are very excited to meet the baby too."

"But you're a big girl now," Derek added. "So you can help us pick out some stuffed animals, maybe even help us pick out the name."

"Name?" Katie breathed.

"Mmmhmm," Meredith nodded.

"You picked my name?" Katie asked.

"We did," Derek smiled softly at Meredith.

"How?" she asked.

"Well, we liked the name Katherine," Meredith nodded. "And you're such a perfect little Katie. And your middle name is after your Aunt Izzie."

"Aunt Izzie?" Katie scrunched up her nose. "I don't member her."

Meredith smiled sadly, and Derek reached over to squeeze her shoulder in sympathy. "Aunt Izzie died before you were born, sweetie," he whispered. "Right before we found out that you were in Mommy's tummy."

"I was in Mommy's tummy?" Katie asked.

"You were," Meredith giggled. "All babies are in their mommy's tummies."

"Even you?" Katie whispered.

"Even me," Meredith sighed. "And Daddy was in Grandma's tummy a really long time ago."

"Cause he's old!" Katie giggled.

"Thanks for that, Mer," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Well…you are kind of old," Meredith pointed out.

"I still managed to get another baby into you," Derek argued.

"Over the hill," Meredith giggled.

"Forty is the new thirty," Derek argued.

"You're just saying that because you're already forty three," Meredith pointed out.

"Yeah, well in two years you're going to be saying the same thing," Derek rolled his eyes.

"Daddy, loo!" Dan cried from Derek's lap.

"Sorry Danny boy," Derek laughed. "Are we not paying enough attention to you?"

"What do you think of being a big brother?" Meredith asked her son seriously.

"Mommy swallowed a baby and now it's gotta grow in her stomach before we have a baby brother or sister," Katie explained to her brother.

"I think she's a lost cause," Derek murmured to his wife.

"At least she's not upset," Meredith sighed. "Hopefully she won't get mad when we have a newborn to take care of."

"She's a good big sister," Derek nodded as he watched Katie explain the concept of pregnancy to her brother. "She'll be fine."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she leaned into his embrace.

"Mom should be over soon," Derek sighed as he rested his head on top of hers.

"We should tell her," Meredith sighed.

"I don't think she'll have much room for questioning," Derek sighed. "You're already showing."

"Plus she has those super human pregnancy detectors."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Katie jumped off of the bed. "I gets it!" she shouted.

"I'll go with her," Derek said, rubbing his hand over her stomach before he leaned in to kiss her. "Love you."

"Love you too," Meredith smiled as she pulled Dan into her arms and swung her legs over the bed. "We'll be down as soon as we go potty."

Ten minutes later when she made her way downstairs, Meredith smiled to see her mother in law standing at the stove, preparing French toast while Derek poured a cup of milk for Katie.

"There they are," Carolyn smiled as she reached for Dan. "My goodness, Dan, you have grown so much since Thanksgiving!"

"Mama bee," Dan informed her.

"Your sister has already informed me of that," Carolyn smiled as she turned to look at Meredith. "I see you've taken to swallowing babies since I last saw you?"

Meredith giggled slightly as she leaned in to hug her mother in law. "Sorry," she said. "We tried to explain it to her, but since Baby is in Mommy's tummy, the only logical conclusion is that Mommy swallowed a Baby."

"She seems very excited," Carolyn said with a warm smile. "Now let me see you."

Meredith giggled slightly as she stepped back, turning to the side to allow Carolyn to see her tiny bump.

"You look wonderful," Carolyn said. "And I'm not going to lecture you for not telling me that I'm going to have another grandchild since Derek tells me that you've been sick."

"Pretty much non stop," Meredith sighed. "Although today's been a good day."

"Baby knows that it's his big sister's birthday," Derek nodded as he pressed a kiss to the top of Katie's head. "I had a talk with him about behaving."

"Or her," Meredith sighed.

"Or her," Derek nodded. "Do you want some milk?"

"Yeah," she sighed as she sat down next to Katie, adjusting the plastic crown that sat on her head. "Do you like your French toast, princess?"

"Yummy!" Katie giggled.

"Thanks," Meredith breathed as she took the glass of milk Derek had offered her.

"What do you want for breakfast?" Derek asked. "I can make more French toast."

"No," she shook her head, her hand going to her stomach.

"You need to eat, Mer," Derek sighed. "Baby needs it."

"I know," she said, a wide smile coming across her face as she looked down at her stomach. "I feel her."

"What?" Derek asked, turning quickly to look back at her.

"I can feel her moving," Meredith smiled. "The bubbles."

"Oh, Mer," Derek smiled, reaching forward to run his hand along her stomach. "He's moving?"

"She is," Meredith smiled softly. "Not enough for you to feel, but…she's definitely moving."

"Swimming?" Derek laughed, remembering how she had described the feeling to him when she'd been pregnant with Katie and first experienced a baby moving inside of her.

"Swimming," she giggled.

"Good job, bud," Derek said, running a hand over her stomach again. "Keep growing strong so I can feel you soon."

"Your baby will be strong and beautiful by the time he or she is born," Carolyn smiled as she settled herself across the table from them.

"But today's about our princess," Meredith smiled as she turned to her daughter. "What do you want to do today, Katie bell?"

"Presents!" Katie exclaimed.

"Hmm," Derek sighed, offering Meredith a teasing smile and a wink. "I don't know if we have any presents for greedy little girls."

"I no greedy!" Katie frowned.

"Well, princesses ask politely for presents," Meredith said seriously. "So I think we only have presents for a polite princess."

"Presents please?" Katie asked, the same smile crossing her face that Derek used whenever he wanted something from her.

"You are your father's daughter," Meredith sighed as she turned to Derek. "You want to get the presents?"

"I'll be right back," he nodded as he moved towards the hallway.

"Hun gee!" Dan shouted from his high chair, banging his sippy cup against the tray.

"Are you hungry?" Meredith asked, standing and grabbing some fruit from the fridge. "How about some apples?"

"Ap la," Dan nodded enthusiastically.

"Good," Meredith smiled, slicing the apples and placing them on the tray before she went back to the fridge to slice some cheese for him as well. "Is that good, Dan?"

"Yummy Mommy!" Dan said.

"Good," she smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of his head as she tied a bib around his neck.

"Special delivery for a special princess," Derek announced as he came back into the kitchen, a pile of presents in his arms.

"Wow!" Katie breathed, her eyes widening at the presents wrapped neatly in Disney Princess paper. "Tanks Daddy!"

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he said, running a washcloth over her face. "But Mommy helped me pick out the presents, so make sure you say thanks to her too."

"Tanks Mommy!" Katie smiled as she turned to her mother. "Tanks Baby sister!"

Meredith giggled slightly, feeling her baby move gently in her stomach again. "You're welcome, princess," she smiled, a hand resting on her tummy. "Now let's open your presents!"


	79. Chapter 79

"Mommy!" Katie's voice cried from the playroom where she and Dan were playing while she got lunch ready for them.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" she called, setting the jar of peanut butter down on the counter and starting towards the playroom.

"Lucky sick," Katie cried, panic in her voice as she ran into the hallway, tears in her eyes.

"Lucky's sick?" Meredith frowned as she ran a hand over her daughter's hair. "Why don't you go be a vet and fix him?"

"No, he's sick," Katie insisted. "He throwed up. Dan's trying to play in it, but it's yucky!"

Meredith frowned as she stopped in the door of the play room where Dan was walking curiously towards the contents of the dog's stomach that were seeping into the carpet. She quickly moved to grab her son from exploring the vomit, ignoring the protest of her already sore back as she momentarily forgot about being pregnant in the panic to not let Dan play in dog vomit.

Lucky, the family's beloved puppy, was lying in the middle of the room, panting heavily. She swallowed hard as she looked down at him, suddenly flashing back to years ago when Derek had had to rush Doc to the vet in the middle of the night, and the pain of losing him that had followed.

"Is he okay, Mommy?" Katie whispered, burying her face in her mother's legs and wrapping her arms around her knees.

"He's going to be fine, princess," Meredith swallowed hard, hoping that her words were right. She definitely had to get the dog to the vet, but loading up two toddlers and a dog into the car while she was five months pregnant was easier said than done, especially when she was worried about her dog.

"La ke," Dan said, struggling to get out of his mother's arms as he reached for the panting dog.

"Not right now, Danny boy," she murmured, trying to keep his straining limbs away from her belly. "We're going to go call Daddy."

"Daddy's gonna come home?" Katie asked, following Meredith closely into the kitchen.

"If he can," Meredith sighed as she placed Dan in the playpen. "Katie, can you do Mommy a big girl favor?"

"Yeah, I big girl!" Katie said proudly.

"Take Dan into the living room and read him a story," Meredith said. "Make sure he doesn't run away though, okay? Come get me if he does, I'll be in the play room with Lucky, okay?"

"Kay Mommy," Katie said as Meredith set Dan back on his feet. "Let's go read bout Barsten Bears, Dan."

Meredith swallowed hard as she watched Katie lead her brother towards the living room, very glad that her daughter was in the mood to be a good big sister today. She had been looking forward to a day off with her kids, but this hadn't been what she had anticipated, and she was starting to panic.

"Hey Mer," Derek's voice came over the line. "How's your day going? Are you still sick?"

"Lucky's sick," she blurted out.

"What?" Derek frowned.

"He threw up while he was playing with the kids in the play room," she said. "I think he may have found some of the cookies that Katie hid in there the other day, there were crumbs on her kitchen set."

"Damn," Derek sighed. "I thought we found all of them. She looked so sad when we took them all away."

"Well, she's sneakier than we thought," Meredith sighed. "She's upset and Dan wants to play in the vomit, the baby's kicking like crazy and…I think he's really sick, Der. I can't take him to the vet."

"I have surgery," Derek sighed. "I'll see if I can get someone else to do it, but I don't know who else is available…"

"It's okay," Meredith sighed. "Is Lexie working?"

"No, she's at home," he said. "I'm sure she can get over there pretty easily as long as Chris isn't napping."

"Okay," Meredith said. "I have to get him to the vet, Der. He's only a year and a half old."

"I know, Mer," Derek sighed. "They'll probably just have to pump the chocolate out of his stomach. I'm sure he'll be fine."

"You're sure?" Meredith whimpered as she filled a bowl with water and moved towards the playroom, struggling for a moment to sit down on the floor beside a panting Lucky and encourage him to drink the fresh water.

"I hope so," Derek sighed. "Don't strain yourself, Mer, I don't want anything to happen to Baby because of this."

"He's our dog, Derek," she whispered. "He's as much apart of this family as anyone else is."

"I know," Derek whispered. "Call Lexie and tell her to come watch the kids and call me back if anything changes, okay?"

"You'll be in surgery," she sniffled as Lucky whimpered slightly. "It's okay, baby. Mommy's here."

"Just call, Mer," Derek said, his voice soothing her. "I want to know what's going on with Lucky."

"I have to call Lexie," she said. "I love you."

"Love you too," Derek said. "It will be fine, Mer."

"Bye, Derek," she breathed before she hung up, calling Lexie quickly to explain the situation.

Her sister, ever the animal lover, was at the house faster than Meredith ever would have thought possible. After she set Chris in the living room with Katie and Dan, she followed Meredith to the living room where Lucky was panting harder than before. He'd thrown up a little more since Meredith had called, and now they faced the predicament of how to get the dog to the car; he was too big for Lexie to carry by herself, and she refused to let Meredith try to lift the dog.

"My back is fine, Lex," Meredith insisted.

"No," Lexie said firmly as she knelt on the carpet beside Lucky. "Meredith, you're five months pregnant. You're not carrying a dog all the way to the car."

"Well what else are we going to do?" Meredith sighed, reaching out to stroke his dark fur. "He's getting worse."

"I know," Lexie sighed, gently moving to pull the dog to his feet. "Come on, baby. I know you're sick, but Mommy's going to take you to the vet. Can you just walk to the car for us?"

"He's in pain, Lex," Meredith breathed, trying to stop the tears from filling her eyes. Stupid pregnant hormones.

"He's almost there," Lexie said as she helped Lucky down the hall. "Go pull the car up to the porch steps."

Meredith swallowed hard as she grabbed the car keys and moved towards the door, quickly moving her car so the trunk was parallel to the porch steps. Between the two of them, she and Lexie managed to get Lucky into the folded down trunk of the jeep, and she placed a blanket over his shaking body. "Lex…"

"Go," Lexie said, embracing her sister tightly. "He'll be fine, Mer. And don't worry about us, we'll have lots of fun here."

"Okay," Meredith breathed, climbing back into the driver's seat and trying to remain calm as she maneuvered the car into the city. It was only half an hour later when she pulled into the parking lot of their vet, moving as fast as she could into the reception office.

"Mrs. Shepherd," the receptionist frowned. "Did Lucky have an appointment…"

"He ate chocolate," Meredith gasped, one hand resting on her swollen belly. "He's in the car, and he's really sick, but I can't carry him in because I'm pregnant, but…you have to help him, you have to!"

"Alright, calm down," the receptionist said as she pressed a button on the desk. "The doctor will be right out to get him from the car."

"Thank you," Meredith breathed. "Is Dr. Thunberg on today? Because if it's Dr. Cory, he doesn't really know what he's doing like the time we wanted to get Lucky's heartworm medicine and he said it wasn't necessary…"

"Actually, we have a new veterinarian to the practice," the receptionist replied, turning to look as the door to the examining rooms opened. "This is Dr. Dandridge, one of the best vets in Seattle."

Meredith blinked in surprise for a moment as she stared at Finn. What in the world had she done to deserve such an awful and horrible day?

"Meredith," Finn breathed, obviously just as surprised to see her, his eyes widening slightly as he took in the sight of her pregnant belly.

"My dog's sick," she said, moving to the door. "You have to help him." Maybe if she ignored their whole awkward past, he wouldn't say anything. When they'd gotten another dog, she and Derek had chosen a vet far away from the practice they'd taken Doc to, just to avoid this very moment.

"What happened?" Finn asked as she leaned into the trunk where Lucky was lying miserably.

"My daughter hid chocolate cookies in her playroom," Meredith sighed. "We thought we found them all, but apparently not. Lucky got into them a couple hours ago, and he threw up a lot. A lot. Like…we're going to have to get new carpet in the playroom a lot."

"Okay," Finn sighed as he listened to the dog's heartbeat for a moment before scooping him into his arms. "I'll look at him, but we're probably going to have to pump his stomach.

"Is he going to be okay?" Meredith trailed after him. "He was Katie's Christmas present last year, and he's like a real member of the family…"

"Meredith," Finn said, turning to her to offer a sympathetic smile. I'm going to do everything I can. You can wait here if you want."

"Okay," Meredith nodded slightly, rubbing her stomach and wishing that it would stop hurting. Stupid Braxton Hicks.

She dropped into a chair and stared at the ceiling, the stress of the day finally taking its toll on her as her back began to scream in protest. From the moment she'd woken that morning to spend an hour throwing up in front of the toilet to Lucky's accident and the now searing pain in her back, she was pretty sure that she had never been this miserable before.

It was about a half hour later when the door to the vet flew open and Derek ran in. "Lexie said you were still here," he said as he sat down beside her. "How's Lucky?"

"Still back there," Meredith murmured, reaching for his hand and bringing it to her stomach. "Derek…"

"How are you?" he asked. "How's Baby?"

"We're fine," she nodded. "But Derek…"

Before she could say anything the door to the exam rooms swung open and she watched as her husband's face changed from concern to confusion to anger. "What the hell is he doing here?" he asked.

"He's the new vet to the practice," she murmured, squeezing his hand. "He took care of Lucky?"

Derek frowned for a moment before he took a deep breath and stood, pulling Meredith with him. "Dr. Dandridge."

"Dr. Shepherd."

Meredith rolled her eyes as the two men sized each other up. If she didn't know better, she would have thought that it was six years ago and she was standing on her porch while on a date with Derek, both of them completely ignoring her.

"Okay, we don't have time for this," she snapped. "Is Lucky okay?"

Finn stared at Derek for another long moment before he turned to Meredith and sighed. "Yeah, he should be fine," he said. "I'm going to keep him here overnight just to make sure we got all of the chocolate out of his system."

"Huh," Derek sighed from behind her. "Ow!" he cried, rubbing the spot in his stomach where her elbow had made contact.

"What are you trying to say?" Finn asked.

"I just think it's interesting that you want to keep our dog here overnight," Derek stated.

"Well, you can take him home if you want, but I'm guessing that neither you or your daughter will be too happy if he gets sick again while you're all sleeping," Finn defended.

"Okay, while you two bring out the tape measures, I'm going to go see my dog," Meredith rolled her eyes, pushing past Finn to head confidently towards the door of the exam rooms.

"He's sleeping right now," Finn said as he followed her.

Derek opened his mouth to say something, but Meredith's flaring eyes immediately made him shut up. He knew what that look meant. "I'll check on the kids while you check on Lucky," he murmured, reaching for his cell phone.

"Thank you," Meredith sighed, squeezing his hand briefly and offering him a small smile before she turned down the hall.

"So you ended up with him," Finn stated as he led her into an exam room where Lucky was lying unconscious on an exam room table.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled softly as she ran her hands over her dog's soft fur. "He's going to be okay?"

"He'll be fine in the morning," Finn said, examining her closely. "Congratulations, by the way."

"For what?" Meredith frowned.

Finn smiled slightly as he gestured to her stomach. "Either you're pregnant or I just put myself in a very awkward position," he said.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, a hand going to the resting place of her baby. "Yeah, this is Baby Shepherd number three."

"I'm glad you're happy," Finn sighed.

"You just wish I was happy with you," Meredith stated.

Finn was silent for a moment. "It's been six years," he said softly. "And I still think about you all the time."

"Finn, I…"

"I know it never would have worked," Finn said. "And I really am glad that you're happy. Even if it is with Shepherd."

"Thank you," Meredith whispered, smiling as Lucky began to stir on the table. "Hi baby."

"Make sure that daughter of yours doesn't hide any more chocolate where Lucky can find it," Finn sighed.

"Thanks," Meredith breathed, shifting awkwardly on her feet. This was probably one of the most uncomfortable moment of her life, and she wasn't sure whether she should leave or continue the awkward small talk.

"So is it a girl or a boy?" Finn asked.

Yep, she definitely should have left. But something felt wrong about leaving her dog here all by himself. "We're finding out next week," she said, wrapping an arm over her stomach as if to protect her baby from the awkwardness of the situation.

"Well, congratulations again," Finn sighed as he moved towards Lucky. "I'm going to bring him into the back. You can call later tonight with an update if you want, and he should be good to go home tomorrow afternoon."

"Thanks," Meredith said softly.

"No problem," Finn said. "Meredith?"

"Yeah?" she asked.

"It was good to see you," he said. "I'm glad you're happy."

With that, he was gone, leaving Meredith somewhat frazzled in the middle of the exam room before she turned to the door. As soon as she walked into the waiting room, Derek stood and made his way towards her.

"How's Lucky?" he asked, a hand immediately going to her lower back, rubbing gently.

"He'll be fine," Meredith sighed, leaning into his embrace. "I'll call later to check on him, and then we can pick him up tomorrow afternoon."

"Good," Derek said, leading her towards the door. "How are you?"

"You mean besides from the most awkward run in ever?" Meredith sighed. "Okay."

"Sorry I lost it," Derek sighed. "That man just…I almost lost you to him."

"But you didn't," Meredith whispered. "The caveman thing gets old, Derek."

"I know," he said, squeezing her close to him. "I'm sorry."

"Hmmm," she sighed, resting her head on his shoulder. "You owe me a back massage."

"I think I can handle that," Derek laughed. "Do you want to leave your car here? Ride home with me?"

"Definitely," Meredith sighed, stopping and moving his hand to her stomach. "Can you feel her?"

"No," he frowned. "He's not kicking hard enough."

"She knew there was a lot going on today," Meredith said as she slid into the passenger side of his car. "And now she's getting back at me for moving around so much."

"Sore back?" Derek asked sympathetically.

"Back…stomach…feet…" Meredith reported, leaning her head against the back of the seat and closing her eyes as he began to maneuver the car towards the ferry boats.

"Sleep, Mer," he smiled softly.

"Love you," she whispered, already half asleep.

"Oh, and Mer?" he added, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "We are so changing vets."

"Definitely."

**Boy or girl? It's your choice!**


	80. Chapter 80

"Good job, Dr. Shepherd," Derek smiled as he looked at Meredith over the scrub sink where they were washing their hands, another successful case of the Shepherd Method under their belt.

"Thanks, Dr. Shepherd," she giggled slightly.

"Is Baby behaving?" he asked, handing her a paper towel before reaching for one for herself.

"She is," Meredith nodded. "I think she's sleeping."

"He knows that you had to perform a big surgery," Derek smiled as he reached out to rub a hand over her stomach. "What time is it?"

"Three," Meredith sighed.

"Do you think Dr. Cooper can take us half an hour early?" Derek asked. "I want to see him."

"She has other patients, Derek," Meredith rolled her eyes as she headed towards the door, resting a hand on her back.

"Well, yeah, but none as important as you," Derek stated. "You're carrying the future of the Shepherd dynasty."

"You really are an idiot," Meredith sighed.

"You feel okay?" he frowned.

"Yeah," she said. "Just…five and a half months pregnant. And…it's next week. Five years."

Derek didn't need to ask her what it was. Next week it would be five years since they had promised each other forever on a post it.

It would be also five years since George and Izzie had died, since Meredith had lost two fifths of her family.

Meredith was holding up incredibly well, and he knew that she was missing them more than usual. But much to his relief, she had turned to him when she had needed to cry, told him when she preferred to be alone, and most importantly hadn't pushed him away. They agreed that they weren't going to celebrate their anniversary, not until the first year mark of their wedding which was coincidentally her due date. Derek was convinced that his third child was already a genius. The baby inside of his wife, which he was convinced was a boy, had already done so much to bring the two of them back to the strong couple that had always been, and now he was going to be the perfect present for their fifth year as a married couple.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, stopping beside him and reaching for his hand, her eyes wide.

"What?" he asked, a hand automatically moving to her stomach. "Are you okay? Is the baby okay? Dr. Cooper will take you early…"

"No," Meredith smiled, moving his hand to the side of the belly. "Can you feel her? She's kicking hard."

"I can't…" Derek shook his head, freezing after a moment as his eyes widened and he moved his other hand rest on her stomach. "That's him. He's moving, I can actually feel him."

"She's really kicking," Meredith smiled as she moved his hand to the other side. "Really hard."

"He's strong," Derek breathed.

"We really have to find out who's right about this," Meredith giggled, reaching out to run her fingers through his hair.

"Hmmm," Derek smiled, not moving his hands from her stomach. "This is completely amazing."

"You felt both Katie and Dan," Meredith pointed out. "Does this baby feel that different?"

"Yeah, but…now this baby's moving," Derek laughed. "Our baby is moving, Mer. Moving!"

"She's been moving for weeks," Meredith smiled. "But now you can feel her, which is amazing."

"Now I can feel him," Derek laughed. "Let's go get an ultrasound. We need to prove it's a boy."

"She better not come out confused because Daddy kept calling her a boy," Meredith giggled, reaching for his hand as they moved down the hall. Usually she hated showing any signs of public affection with Derek at work, but today was different. He had just felt their baby for the first time, and they were going to find out if the tiny baby in her stomach was a boy or a girl.

She knew it was a girl. She'd been right with both Katie and Dan, and Carolyn had insisted that it was a girl as well. She knew that Derek wanted another son, he didn't want Dan to grow up surrounded by sisters like he had, but she also knew that he would be more than happy to have another princess to spoil. Although as soon as he found out it was a girl he would insist that the second she was ready to have sex again that they had to start trying for another boy. But he had another thing coming. This was definitely their last pregnancy.

She was so not getting pregnant again. She loved her kids, but she was sick of the back pain and practice contractions. Not to mention the labor pains she knew that she was going to have to go through in less than four months. Derek was going to bitch, but she was getting him fixed ASAP.

As soon as her constant desire for sex stopped.

"Dr. Shepherd," the obgyn receptionist smiled as they stopped at the desk. "You're lucky, Dr. Cooper's patient before you had to reschedule. The two of you can go right in."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled, leaning into Derek as they walked into the exam room. "I can't wait to see her."

"You're going to feel really bad about calling our son a her," Derek laughed as he helped her onto the exam table.

"It's definitely a girl," Meredith said, pulling her shirt over her rounded stomach and giggling as the skin rippled gently.

"Boy," Derek smiled.

"Care to make it interesting?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "We can totally do that, if you're not scared."

"Interesting?" Derek repeated, crossing his arms over his chest, always up for a challenge.

"Hmmm," Meredith nodded. "When you find out that you're wrong, you get to do everything for me."

"That's the most unfair bet I've ever heard," Derek stated. "It's not even a bet, not really."

"How's it unfair?" Meredith asked. "Afraid you're going to lose? Because that's not my husband."

"Definitely not," Derek shook his head. "But when you find out it's a boy you're still going to make me do everything."

"Well, yeah," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Because your baby is completely taking over my body and making me sick to my stomach all the time. Oh, and she's going to put me through hours of painful labor."

Derek smiled as he leaned in to kiss her gently. "You're on," he laughed. "Either way, I'll be your personal servant."

"Good," she breathed against his lips. "Derek?"

"Hmmm?"

"You're going to love our baby, right?" she whispered, biting her lower lip. "I know you want a boy, but if it's a girl…"

"If it's a girl, I'll love her just as much as I love my first little princess," Derek assured her, squeezing her hand. "You know I only care if he or she is healthy. And you, of course."

"Good," Meredith smiled softly.

"Back again, Shepherds," Dr. Cooper smiled as she walked into the exam room, Meredith's chart in her hands. "How are we feeling? We're just about halfway there now."

"Okay," Meredith sighed. "A little exhausted, but I have two toddlers and a full time job, so I guess that's expected."

"I've been there," Dr. Cooper smiled. "Any pain or bleeding? Contractions or dizziness?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "Just normal back pain. And a little bit of Braxton Hicks."

"Wonderful," Dr. Cooper nodded. "I see you've gained ten pounds since our last appointment, right on schedule."

"Please don't tell us the grand total," Meredith sighed. "I don't want to know. I just lost all my weight from Dan when I got pregnant."

"It's not that bad," Dr. Cooper smiled, reaching to turn on the ultrasound machine. "But we'll leave you in the dark. We'll do the ultrasound before the exam, I know today's a big day."

"It is," Derek smiled, running a hand along Meredith's stomach. "We're very excited to see Baby Shepherd."

"And finally convince him that she's a girl," Meredith giggled.

Dr. Cooper smiled slightly as she ran the probe over Meredith's stomach, her eyes trained on the screen. "So we think it's a girl, don't we?"

"Meredith does," Derek smiled at his wife.

"Well, take a look," Dr. Cooper smiled as she turned the big screen on and the image of their baby filled the screen.

"Oh," Meredith whispered. "Derek…"

"Oh, Meredith," Derek breathed, his eyes trained on the image of his baby. "That's our daughter."

"She's beautiful," Meredith whispered, trailing a hand to her stomach as she watched their baby roll gently. "Oh…I felt that."

"She's gorgeous," Derek said, tears filling his eyes as Dr. Cooper focused the baby's face. "She looks like you, Mer."

"She….our daughter, Derek."

"And we have a nice steady heartbeat," Dr. Cooper smiled as she flipped a switch and the soft whooshing of their daughter's heart filled the room.

"Oh my God," Derek breathed, turning from the screen to look at Meredith. "God, you're so beautiful. Thank you. Thank you, Meredith."

"I love you," she whispered, tears filling her eyes as she ran her fingers over his cheek. "I love you so much."

Derek smiled as he pressed his lips against hers before turning to the screen again. His daughter was completely perfect. She had all of her mother's features, and that made her completely gorgeous. And suddenly, he couldn't wait for July twenty seventh, when his second little girl was scheduled to make her appearance into the world.

XXXXX

"Mama!" Dan cried as he ran towards his parents later that afternoon. "Daddy!"

"Hey buddy," Derek smiled as he leaned down to pick his son up. "How was day care?"

"I pay bocks," Dan said, holding a red block out for inspection.

"You played with blocks?" Meredith asked, running a hand over his dark curls and pressing a kiss to his head.

"Yeah, Mama."

"Wow, that sounds like a fun day," Derek smiled, tickling his stomach gently. "Where's your sister?"

"Mommy!" Katie cried, running up to her mother with her backpack in her hands. "I made picture!"

"You made a picture," Meredith smiled, reaching for the scribble that Katie handed her. "Wow, I think this deserves to go on the fridge."

"Tanks Mommy," Katie smiled. "Hi baby."

"Baby says hi," Meredith smiled, taking Katie's backpack out of her hands and reaching to take her daughter's hand with her free one. "We're going outside now, so don't let go of my hand, okay?"

"Kay Mommy," Katie smiled, holding onto Meredith's hand tightly.

Meredith smiled at Derek as they walked out the front door of the hospital. "What do you think of going to the playground, princess?" she asked.

"Playground?" Katie breathed, standing by the side of the car while Derek buckled Dan into his car seat.

"For a picnic," Derek said, turning to her and swinging her into the car. "Mommy and Daddy want to talk to you."

"Picnic," Katie nodded, a smile spreading over her face as she turned to her brother. "Picnic, Dan."

"Pi ni," he giggled, waving his teddy bear in the air.

"She's in a good mood," Meredith whispered as she settled herself in the passenger seat.

"Which is very good," Derek said, pulling out of the parking lot and driving the short distance towards the playground at the local elementary school.

"She'll be happy," Meredith smiled, squeezing his hand.

"She's a good big sister," Derek said, glancing in the rearview mirror. "We're doing a good job."

"We really are," Meredith said, running a hand over her stomach. "I never thought I'd be a mom."

"But you're an amazing mom," Derek assured her.

"And I love it," she said, glancing out the window at the playground as Derek parked the car.

"Okay, sweetheart," Derek said as he unbuckled Katie from her car seat. "You and Mommy go find a bench while I wake Dan up, okay?"

"Okay," Katie said, automatically reaching for Meredith's hand.

Ten minutes later, Katie was eagerly sipping on a juice box on Derek's lap while Dan was sitting on what was left of Meredith's lap, babbling gently to his teddy bear.

"So Mommy and I found out some exciting news today," Derek said, running his fingers through Katie's hair.

"Bout baby?" Katie asked, reaching out to pat Meredith's stomach.

"Yep," Derek nodded. "About the baby."

"It's a girl, sweetie," Meredith smiled. "You're going to have a baby sister."

"Sister," Katie nodded firmly. "No more brother."

"You're glad you're going to have a sister?" Derek asked.

"Sister," Katie nodded, handing Derek her empty juice carton to Derek. "Swing?"

"How about you go play in the sand box for a few minutes, then I'll come push you on the swings," Derek said, setting her on the ground and wrapping his arm around Meredith. They watched as their oldest ran eagerly towards the sandbox. "She took that amazingly well."

"I still don't think she really understands what's going to happen," Meredith sighed.

"She's only four," Derek shrugged. "She didn't like it when we first brought Dan home, but she loves him now. She'll adjust. And she'll love having a sister to play house and teacher with."

"I always wanted a sister," Meredith whispered. "I mean, I have Lexie and Molly, but growing up…"

"You had no one," Derek said softly. "But all I'm going to say is that between Chris and Dan…our girls are going to have to watch their backs."

"Poor Katie," Meredith sighed. "And…Tara."

"No," Derek shook his head. "Sarah."

"Sarah Shepherd," Meredith tested the name. "Maybe."

"We've got a few months," Derek said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "And I'm sure Katie will have very strong opinions on the topic."

"She definitely will," Meredith said.

"Daddy!" Katie cried, running over to them completely covered in sand. "Swing now?"

"Sure Katie bell," Derek said, squeezing Meredith one final time before he stood and picked Katie up, resting her on his hip as he walked her towards the swings. "Are you excited for your sister?"

"Yeah!" Katie cried as he settled her on the swing.

"Do you want to help Mommy and Daddy pick out names?" he asked, gently pushing the swing back and forth.

Katie thought for a moment before she said, "Molly."

"After your friend from daycare?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Katie nodded.

"Hmm," Derek nodded. He wasn't sure that Meredith would go for the name Molly.

"Erin," Katie continued.

Derek laughed softly. His daughter was going through her list of friends from day care, but he definitely wasn't going to stop her. Knowing his daughter, she would come up with the perfect name for Baby Girl Shepherd before either he or Meredith would.

"Megan."

Derek smiled as he continued to push his daughter on the swing, his eye traveling to where Meredith was cuddling with their son, his head resting on her belly. He was sure that the moment his second daughter was born, the Shepherd family was complete.


	81. Chapter 81

"Meredith, what are you doing?"

Her husband's voice greeted her from the door of the attic and she froze. Crap. He'd been playing with Katie downstairs, and she'd thought that she had enough time to find Katie's baby clothes from where they were stored in the attic. Apparently she had been wrong.

"I'm fine, Derek," she said. "I just figured I'd find Katie's old clothes so I can wash them before Laura gets here."

"Her name isn't Laura," Derek shook his head, reaching to help her down from the stool she was standing on. "And you're not doing that. I'll do it. It's too heavy for you to carry."

"I'm not an invalid, Derek," she rolled her eyes.

"I know," Derek nodded. "And as soon as I bring the box downstairs you can take full responsibility for the clothes. But I don't want you carrying heavy boxes down the stairs."

"Fine," Meredith sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. The idea of carrying the box wasn't very appealing at all, but she supposed that she didn't need to let Derek know that. "Where's Katie?"

"She fell asleep in front of Nemo," Derek laughed slightly. "It's about time she got bored with that movie."

Meredith giggled slightly as he opened a box, smiling as he held up the tiny pink outfit that they had brought Katie home from the hospital in. "She was so small," Meredith breathed, reaching out to take the tiny onesie out of her husband's hands, remembering the day they'd brought Katie home.

"So will Alyssa," Derek smiled, running a hand over her rounded stomach. "She'll be tiny, just like her big sister."

"She doesn't feel very small right now," Meredith sighed, moving his hand to the other side of her stomach where their daughter was kicking furiously. "And no. Alyssa…no. Definitely not."

"We'll figure it out," Derek said, peering back into the box. "Here we are. Just what we need."

"What is it?" Meredith asked, a smile crossing her face when she saw the baby name book they had bought when she'd been pregnant with Katie. "I forgot we even had that. We spent hours looking through it."

"We didn't use it with Dan," Derek sighed.

"Which is probably why he didn't have a name until after he was born," Meredith nodded.

"I'll bring this stuff downstairs," Derek said, tossing the book and the onesie back into the box and replacing the lid. "How about a back rub in bed while we think about names?"

"Sounds perfect," Meredith nodded, a hand going to her back that seemed to constantly be aching. She followed Derek down the stairs, stopping as he set the box in the nursery, Dan's boy clothes to be switched with the girl clothes at a later point. She smiled as he gently took her hand, leading her into the bedroom.

"What hurts the most today?" he asked as she lowered herself onto the bed, leaning into the pillows.

"Feet," Meredith sighed, shifting her legs to rest on his lap, sighing in relief when he began to gently massage them.

"Alright, let's name this little girl," Derek smiled, handing her the book. "Go for it, Mer."

Meredith giggled slightly as she flipped to the back of the book, where a list of girl's names was scribbled, alternating between her handwriting and Derek's. "Leah is first after Katherine."

"We thought about that?" Derek asked.

"It's in your handwriting," Meredith shrugged.

"No," he shook his head. "What else?"

"Tina," Meredith giggled as Derek winced.

"Are you sure that's our book?" he asked.

"It's ours," Meredith nodded. "What would have happened if we had named Katie Tina?"

"I don't think I'd love her as much," Derek shook his head.

"Derek," she rolled her eyes.

"Sorry," he said. "Of course I'd love her. She's perfect."

"She is," Meredith agreed, looking back down at the book. "Lindsey….no, she doesn't like that."

"Okay, I guess not," Derek sighed, moving to sit behind her, gently rubbing her back as he looked at the book over her shoulder. "Karen?"

"No. Becky?"

"Becky Shepherd," Derek tested. "It doesn't sound right. Elizabeth."

"That's my middle name," Meredith pointed out.

"And if this were a boy, he'd already have a name," Derek nodded. "Derek Jr."

"Thank God you're a girl," Meredith said, patting her stomach. "I'm not naming my baby after myself."

"Why not? You're amazing," he said, planting a kiss to her shoulder.

"Well, I'm glad you think so," Meredith sighed. "But it's weird, and…no."

"Middle name?" Derek murmured against her neck.

"Maybe," she sighed. She couldn't deny that she liked the thought of keeping apart of who she was alive with her daughter. Especially since she would probably look exactly like Derek, since all of her children already did. "Heather."

"I think we need a new list," Derek said, wrapping his arms around her and flipping to the girl section of the book. "Caroline."

"Caroline," Meredith breathed, running a hand of her stomach. "Carrie?"

"Carrie Shepherd," Derek smiled. "You like it?"

"I do," Meredith said slowly, feeling the baby roll gently in her stomach. "I think she does too."

"You like your name…Carrie?" Derek whispered, his hand joining hers on her stomach.

"Caroline Elizabeth Shepherd," Meredith smiled. "That's it, Der. That's her name."

"It's perfect," he smiled, shifting to push her shirt over her stomach. "Hi angel."

"Derek, Meredith, Katie, Dan and Carrie," Meredith said. "The Shepherds."

"The Shepherds," he nodded, his lips playing over the skin of her stomach.

"Derek?" she asked softly.

"Hmmm?" he said, pulling back to meet her eyes.

"I…this is it," she whispered. "For the babies. I can't…this being pregnant thing is kicking my ass. And three kids is a lot and I just…I don't think I want anymore."

"I don't think I do either," he said, running a hand over the soft swell of her stomach. "Last baby?"

"Last baby," she nodded. "I love our kids, Derek, all three of them. I just don't want any more."

"Any more and there would have to be room sharing," Derek sighed.

"And um…you'regoingtogetsnipped," she said the words quickly, hoping that it would help him accept that reality better.

"Okay," he said, though she didn't miss the slight wince that accompanied his easy agreement.

"Okay?" she raised an eyebrow. "You do realize what I just said, right?"

"I know," he said. "And I'm not looking forward to it or anything, but…it's an easier surgery for me than you. I don't want to go back to being a condom ad, and it's stupid for you to keep taking birth control, so it's the most logical solution. Especially after I consider the fact that you've given me three babies."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled, cuddling into his arms.

"This is how much I love you, Mer," he said, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I wouldn't cut off part of my penis for anyone."

"You're not cutting off part of your penis," she rolled her eyes. "Don't be dramatic."

"It's going to hurt," he whined.

"Well, then maybe you'll know how I feel when I was giving birth to your son without an epidural," Meredith shrugged.

"I know," he sighed. "I just…you know."

"I know," she smiled slyly, reaching for the fly on his jeans and pulling his hardening penis out from the fabric. "But you'll still be just as huge."

"Mer," he swallowed hard as she wrapped her fist around his erection.

"So big," she whispered. "And you'll still get hard when we want to have hot…dirty…all night long screaming orgasms."

"Meredith," he gasped, his fingers going to grasp the sheets beneath him.

"You have such a good penis," she giggled slightly, watching the sweat build on his forehead. "So hard. And big. You know you're the biggest ever?"

"Mer," he gasped, reaching for her hand to guide it up and down on his throbbing erection.

"Oh, you want me to jack you off," she giggled. "And to think I was going to give you a blow job, maybe even let you inside of me. Because I'm so tight right now, Derek, tight and wet waiting for your huge cock to…"

Derek surprised her by flipping her onto her side, a hand going to steady her hips as he spooned behind her, slowly sliding into her. "Oh yes…" he breathed.

"Derek," she gasped, throwing her head back to rest against his shoulder. "Please…make love to me."

"Gladly," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her shoulder before he continued to move in and out of her at a slow and steady rhythm.

XXXXX

Half an hour later, she sighed contentedly as she lay cuddled into her husband's arms. Carrie had stopped moving momentarily, and she was relishing the moment for all it was worth. She knew she would be too uncomfortable for sex pretty soon, and then they'd have a newborn and two other kids to care for. Sex might not come so easily for a long time.

"I'm glad we got them both down for a nap at the same time," Derek murmured, reading her mind like he usually did.

"I know," she sighed, cuddling as close to him as her stomach would allow. "We're not going to have these stolen, private moments for a long time."

"We will," Derek nodded. "We're not getting stuck in the avoiding thing again, remember?"

"Definitely not," she sighed. "But Carrie needs to sleep in our room for a few weeks so I can feed her. And Katie loves to come cuddle in the mornings."

"I know," Derek said. "But we'll find time. I promise."

"Good," Meredith sighed, her eyes drifting shut.

"You can sleep, Mer," he whispered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"Hmmm," she sighed, tightening her arms around him. "Not sleeping. Just…resting my eyes."

"Okay," he laughed slightly. "You feel okay?"

"Definitely," she said, taking his hand and pressing it against her stomach, not opening her eyes.

"Hi Carrie," he murmured, rubbing her stomach slightly. "I bet you're very excited to finally have a name."

Meredith giggled slightly as she felt Carrie kick, making contact with the spot where Derek was resting his hand. "She says thanks Daddy."

"Anything for my second little princess," Derek smiled, leaning down to press his lips against the tight skin on her belly.

"We better get dressed," Meredith sighed as she looked at the clock. "They've been down for awhile."

"I suppose," Derek sighed, pulling out of her arms and reaching for his jeans and shirt. "You want to go out to dinner tonight?"

"Go out?" Meredith raised her eyebrows, reaching behind her to snap her bra back on. "What's the occasion?"

"No occasion," he shrugged, completing the buttons on his shirt and sitting on the bed to watch her get dressed. "I just…don't feel like cooking. And it will be awhile before we have the chance to go out again."

"What about the kids?" Meredith asked.

"They can come," Derek laughed slightly. "Restaurants do allow children to dine from time to time, Mer."

"If you're not careful I'll make sure that Christina is the one who fixes you," Meredith rolled her eyes, a hand on her stomach as she walked towards the door.

"You would not," he laughed. "You love me too much."

"You're right," she sighed as she started down the stairs. "Or…it's not you I'm worried about. It's that perfect penis of yours."

"Mer," he groaned, shifting slightly on his feet.

"Seriously, Derek, I'm six months pregnant and you just got two rounds," she giggled as she walked into the kitchen. "Drink some cold water or something."

Before he could respond, Katie ran into the kitchen from the living room. "Daddy!" she cried. "Nemo over!"

"Nemo's over!" Derek repeated, his eyes wide. "Did you sleep through it all?"

"I no sleep," Katie said firmly. "Big girl. No naps."

"We'll start Nemo over for you," Meredith assured her daughter. "But first we have some exciting news."

"News?" Katie scrunched her nose.

"Let's go talk in the living room," Derek nodded.

"Kay," she said, running back into the living room, Meredith and Derek following at a much slower pace.

"I wish she could give me some of her energy," Meredith sighed, settling herself onto the couch.

"You'll get it back after she comes," Derek said, settling down beside her and pulling Katie onto his lap. "Guess what, princess."

"What?" Katie giggled.

"Mommy and I decided on a name for your little sister," Derek said.

"You did?" Katie breathed.

"We did," Derek smiled, turning to Meredith. "You tell her, Mer."

"Her name is Caroline," Meredith said, smiling at the way the name rolled off of her tongue. "Caroline Elizabeth Shepherd."

"But we're going to call her Carrie," Derek added. "What do you think?"

Katie looked at them for a moment before she asked, "Care Bear?"

"No, no care bears," Meredith shook her head, taking Katie's hand and holding it to her stomach. After a long moment, she felt Carrie deliver a swift kick, and Katie jumped back, her eyes wide.

"What dat?" she frowned.

"That's Carrie," Derek smiled softly. "Your baby sister."

"Carrie," Katie said. "Care bear?"

Meredith smiled slightly as she reached for an abandoned care bear that sat on the back of the couch. "Here you go, princess."

"Tanks Mommy," Katie said, holding the bear out to her stomach. "Care bear."

"Carrie says thank you," Meredith smiled, tears filling her eyes at the sight of her daughter, already eager to share with her sister. "But she thinks you should keep your own bear. Until she's here and has grown a little bit so she can play with you."

"Okay," Katie sighed dejectedly. "Daddy play Care bear?"

"Of course I'll play care bears with you," Derek smiled, lifting her off of the couch and tossing her gently into the air. "You're a good big sister, princess. Mommy and I are very proud of you."

"Tanks, Daddy," Katie giggled as he set her on the ground, kneeling down to the ground beside her.

"Mama!" Dan's voice shouted over the baby monitor. "Mama, out!"

"I'll get him," Derek said, standing from beside Katie.

"No, it's okay," Meredith sighed, pulling herself off of the couch. "He wants me."

"I'll bring him down to you," Derek said. "Do you really want to go upstairs right now?"

Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the couch. It would definitely take her a long time to walk up the stairs, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to carry her wiggly baby boy down the stairs. "Go ahead," she sighed. "I'll stay here and play care bears with the princess."

"Good," Derek smiled, squeezing her hand gently. "Take care of my girls."

"Your girls are fine," Meredith giggled. "All three of us."

"Love you," Derek smiled. "And Carrie. And you too, my perfect little princess."

"Love you too Daddy!" Katie yelled after him before running towards Meredith and pressing a care bear against her stomach. "Carrie play?" Meredith smiled as she leaned back into the pillows, listening to her daughter talk to her baby sister. Carrie was moving gently inside of her, and she could only hope that her daughters would get along this well once Carrie was born.


	82. Chapter 82

It was 3:09 in the morning when Meredith was pulled out of her sleep due to a sharp pain in her back.

She'd been expecting this. She was nearly thirty nine weeks pregnant, and completely exhausted. This pregnancy had been fairly easy, without any complications or very much sickness, but the past month had been awful. She was huge, her back and feet constantly ached, and she couldn't even get dressed without Derek helping her. She could barely play with her children, and eating was pretty much torture. She was ready for her baby to be born, and born soon.

So when she felt the shooting pains starting in her stomach and spreading to the rest of her body, it was almost a relief. She was going to wake Derek up and he would get her to the hospital now, and she would get an epidural right away. She was not going through what she did with Dan again. His birth had been quick but painful, and she would much prefer the longer birth process she had with Katie, where the pain was significantly numbed.

"Derek," she whispered, shoving his shoulder gently. "Wake up. You have to wake up right now."

"Not morning," he shook his head, wrapping an arm around her waist as he buried his face in the pillow. "Sleep Merith."

Normally she would have giggled at the way her husband sounded so much like their one year old son. But another contraction was taking over her body, and she dug her fingers into his arm. "Derek," she gasped. "Carrie…she's coming. I'm having contractions. Your daughter's on her way."

It took a moment, but then Derek was out of bed in a second, running around the bed to her and helping her to her feet. "I knew it was a good thing that we had Mom sleeping in the guest room," he said, pulling her towards the door. "I knew Carrie would come in the middle of the night."

"Derek," she started.

"I'll get you to the car and then I'll run back in and tell Mom and grab our bags, then we can go."

"Derek."

"Don't worry, Mer, we'll get you there in time. I promise," he assured her, not listening to her.

"Derek," she said more firmly, finally getting his attention. He turned to look at her, his eyes wide in concern.

"What?" he frowned, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Are you okay? Is the pain more intense than it should be? Is there bleeding? Are you dizzy? I'll call Dr. Cooper and tell her to meet us at the hospital."

"I'm fine," she giggled slightly. "But…you might want to put some pants on before we go to the hospital."

Derek frowned before he looked down, realizing that he had been too exhausted to change all the way into pajamas the night before and had simply collapsed in his boxers. "Okay, you just sit here," he said, moving her to sit on the bench beside the door. "And I'll be right back."

"Derek, I'm fine," Meredith rolled her eyes. "This is the third time I've had a baby. I know what I'm doing."

"Okay, but just…stay there," Derek said, hurrying back to the stairs. "I'll be ready in five minutes."

Meredith giggled slightly as she sat down beside the door. Her contractions weren't intense and they were still pretty far apart. Derek was freaking out, and she was still at the point where she could enjoy watching him run all over the house trying to get things ready for the baby. She had to admit that she would much prefer him forgetting his pants instead of throwing up the way he had when she'd gone into labor with Katie. Or not realizing when she'd gone into labor with Dan.

"Okay, ready," Derek said, out of breath as he ran down the stairs. "Let's go. We'll get there as soon as we can."

Meredith started to stand, reaching for his hand and gasping when she felt a sudden burst of water between her legs. "My water," she breathed. "Derek, my water just broke, we have to go."

"It's okay," Derek said, squeezing her hand. "Do you want to change into a different pair of pants?"

"Ow," she breathed, squeezing her eyes shut as she dug her fingers into his arm, waiting for the contractions to pass.

"It's okay, just breathe through it," he assured her, running his fingers through her hair. "Just breathe, Mer."

"Hospital," she breathed as the contraction passed. "We have to get to the hospital, now."

"We will," Derek said, helping her out to the car. "It's okay, Mer. We'll make it, I promise."

She breathed deeply as she settled into the passenger seat, trying to remain calm as he began to drive the car down to the road. "Carrie's coming," she breathed, trying to keep her mind off of the pain.

"I know she is," Derek smiled, reaching to squeeze her hand. "In a couple hours we'll have our second baby girl."

"What do you think she'll look like?" Meredith asked softly. "I think she'll probably look like you, since Katie and Dan both do."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed. "She'll have your blonde hair. And your cute little nose, and hopefully your mouth."

"You want her to look like me?" Meredith asked.

"I'll love her no matter what," Derek nodded. "But…I'd love for my baby to look like you. She'd be beautiful."

Meredith smiled softly at him, but hunched over again when the pain came over her body again. "Derek," she gasped, tears filling her eyes. "It hurts. I just want this to be over with."

"I know," Derek breathed. "It's okay, Mer, just breathe. It will be over in a minute, just breathe."

She gasped loudly, her breath coming in sharp pants as she tried to breathe through the pain. "I just want her to be here," she whispered, a single tear streaming down her face as the contraction passed.

"We're here," Derek said, relief filling his voice as he pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and stopping near the ER door. "I called Dr. Cooper, she should already be here, and Mark's right there with a wheelchair."

"Okay," she breathed, leaning into his arms as he helped her out of the car, moving her towards the wheelchair.

"Well, you've officially turned into a Shepherd sister, big Grey," Mark laughed as she settled into the wheelchair. "You keep popping out babies like it's no one's business."

"Shut up, Mark," Meredith snapped.

"Mark, can you park our car?" Derek sighed, handing him the keys. "We have to get upstairs."

"No problem," Mark nodded, clapping Derek on the shoulder. "I've got the cigars ready in my office."

"Thanks, but I'm a little busy right now," Derek said. "I'll get them later. After Carrie's born."

"Good luck, Big Grey," Mark called over his shoulder as Derek pushed her into the hospital.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, reaching for his hand. "Can we…stop for just a minute? Please?"

"It's okay," he assured her, stopping to crouch in front of her until the contraction passed. "Breathe."

"Breathe," Meredith repeated his words, squeezing her eyes closed. This was the third time around and she still couldn't get over the pain that was taking over her body. "Okay," she said after a moment.

"Let's get upstairs before the next one," Derek smiled, moving to push her again. "You'll be more comfortable when you're in a bed, and hopefully you'll get settled before the next one."

"I'm not going to be comfortable until she's here," Meredith sighed, leaning her head against his hip as they stood in the elevator.

"Just a few more hours," Derek murmured, running a hand through her hair. "You can do it, Mer, I know you can."

"For Carrie," Meredith sighed, running her hand over her stomach. This was the last time she would ever feel a baby inside of her, and as much as she hated being pregnant, she felt a sense of nostalgia wash over her. She hated labor, but she loved having her daughter safe inside of her, where it was so easy to take care of her, even if it made her life difficult."

"For Carrie," Derek nodded as he pushed her off of the elevator, towards the desk of the maternity ward.

"Well, we're having an exciting night, aren't we?" Dr. Cooper greeted them from the waiting room.

"Painful night," Meredith sighed, clutching Derek's hand again, leaning into his comforting touch.

"Contractions are about six minutes apart, lasting a little less than a minute," Derek reported, running a hand through Meredith's hair in comfort. "She's in a lot of pain, which is expected. But I still don't like it."

"Alright, let's get you into an exam room and get you settled," Dr. Cooper said. "We'll check things out and make sure everything is progressing normally. And of course get you as comfortable as we can."

"Epidural," Meredith said. "I need an epidural. Now. Please, I just…I can't do it without drugs."

"We'll check to see how far you're dilated," Dr. Cooper nodded. "And then we'll see if you're still in an early enough phase. We've got a room for you right here. I'll let you get settled and changed into the hospital gown, then I'll come in to hook you up to a fetal monitor and see how things are going."

"Thanks," Derek smiled, turning Meredith towards the nearest patient room and closing the door behind them.

Meredith changed into the hospital gown and settled into the bed quickly, only stopping once to brace herself against Derek in pain. Once he was satisfied that she was comfortable enough, he reached out to page Dr. Cooper before he settled into the chair beside her bed, gently running his hand over her hair. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly.

"Tired," Meredith sighed, leaning into the pillows. "But…good. Ready for her to come."

"Good," Derek smiled just as Dr. Cooper walked in, Meredith's chart open in her hands as she reviewed it.

"Let's see where we are," she said, settling herself at the end of the bed. Meredith clutched Derek's hand tightly during the exam, her eyes filling with tears. "Derek," she whispered softly.

"You're doing great," he murmured, reaching to stroke her hair, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"This is the third time," she whispered. "I should be used to this by now."

"It's okay," Derek assured her, pressing a kiss to her hand. "Carrie will be here soon, and then you'll never have to do this again."

"She may be here sooner than we think," Dr. Cooper said, peeling off her gloves as she sat back from Meredith. "You're about seven centimeters dilated, ninety percent effaced."

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "She's really coming."

"She'll probably be here in the hour," Dr. Cooper smiled as she hooked Mereditih's stomach up to a fetal monitor. "How are you feeling?"

"It's too late for drugs?" Meredith asked, a disappointed frown coming across her face.

"Unfortunately," Dr. Cooper sighed, reaching to write in her chart. "But we all know you can do this. You did it beautifully with Dan."

"That doesn't mean that I want to do it again," Meredith muttered.

"It'll be okay, Mer," Derek smiled softly. "Last time."

Meredith sighed as she leaned back into the pillows, savoring the sweet few moments between contractions. "She's in a hurry," she whispered.

"She's excited to be here," Derek smiled, reaching for the ponytail holder on her wrist and moving to sit beside her on the bed, pulling her hair back and out of her face before pressing a comforting kiss to her forehead.

"Thanks," she breathed.

"My pleasure," he smiled, reaching out to stroke her cheek gently, and suddenly she was struck with the memory of how he had stood beside her bed in the same way years ago when she'd had her appendix taken out. "Do you need anything else?"

"Water?" she requested, her mouth dry and parched.

"Water," he nodded, squeezing her hand. "Are you okay if I run down the hall to grab some?"

"Yeah," she sighed, running a hand over her stomach. Carrie was completely still, probably preparing herself for her big entrance into the world.

"I'll be right back," he promised, kissing her forehead quickly before he moved towards the door.

Meredith sighed as she stared down at her stomach for a minute. "Come on, sweetheart," she murmured. "Let's make this nice and quick for Mommy, okay?"

"Talking to yourself?" her best friend's voice came from the doorway. "Labor must be more of a bitch than I thought."

"Christina," Meredith sighed, her body tightening in a contraction. She squeezed her eyes closed as she waited for it to pass, then turned to look at Christina. "I have a job for you."

"What?" Christina asked. "It better not involve baby sitting or watching you give birth."

"No," Meredith shook her head. "You need to snip Derek. Now. So he can't knock me up again."

Christina laughed as she sat down in the chair beside her bed, propping her feet up on the bed. "Did you actually try for any of your kids?" she asked.

"No," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I love them all, but…well, this could have been planned much better. So he's getting snipped."

"As much as I'd love to cause McDreamy that much pain," Christina laughed. "I don't think I want to see that."

Meredith paused for a moment before she nodded. "You're right," she giggled slightly. "I bet the nurses will fight to the death over that one."

"You're laughing," Derek smiled as he came into the room and handed her a cup of ice chips. "It's good to hear."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed, pouring some ice in her mouth and feeling the cool liquid quench her parched mouth.

"Dr. Yang," Derek sighed as he moved to stand on the other side of the room.

"Shepherd," Christina laughed. "I head that you're getting fixed."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Is that what you were laughing about?" he asked his wife.

"I'm allowed to laugh at whatever I want," Meredith said firmly. "Your daughter is destroying my body right now."

"Eventually that argument isn't going to work anymore," Derek sighed, moving to hold her hand as her body contracted again. "Breathe."

"Breathe," Meredith repeated, her eyes squeezing closed.

"Alright, that's enough of the birthing process for me," Christina said, pushing herself to her feet. "I'm going to go catch some sleep. Page me when Rugrat number three pops out."

Derek rolled his eyes, looking up at the door again when Dr. Cooper entered just as Christina was leaving.

"How are we feeling, Meredith?" she asked, checking the fetal monitor.

"Pain," Meredith groaned. "Is it time yet?"

"We'll see," Dr. Cooper said, settling herself at the end of the bed. "Hmmm."

"What is it?" Derek asked, and she could hear the concern in his voice.

"Is she okay?" Meredith asked, struggling to prop herself up on her elbows.

"She's fine," Dr. Cooper said distractedly, turning to look at the fetal monitor.

"I don't believe you," Meredith said frankly.

"She's fine, Meredith," Dr. Cooper repeated. "But it's been an hour and you have dilated any more."

"Oh," Meredith frowned. "Well…it just takes time, right?"

"Right," Dr. Cooper sighed. "I would have thought that things would have progressed, and we're going to have to wait a little while to be certain, but it seems that the labor has stalled."

"Stalled?" Derek and Meredith asked together.

"Your water broke and you're almost there," Dr. Cooper sighed. "But apparently she needs a little more time before she's ready."

"More time," Meredith stated. "So we're just…in limbo? There are no drugs, and I'm going to keep having contractions until she decides she's ready to come?"

"Basically," Dr. Cooper sighed, sitting back. "We're not sure why it happens, but you are technically in active labor. We just have to wait until you're fully dilated to deliver."

"What if that takes longer than a couple hours?" Derek frowned.

"We'll induce if she's still in labor tomorrow evening," Dr. Cooper sighed. "Sometimes giving birth takes longer than others."

"Tomorrow night," Meredith groaned, turning to look at her husband. "She's so your daughter."

"Why do you say that?" Derek laughed slightly.

"Because she's stubborn," Meredith pouted.

"We're both stubborn, Mer," he laughed. "Of course she's going to take forever."


	83. Chapter 83

Pain.

It was all Meredith could feel as she leaned into the pillows of her hospital bed, clutching Derek's hand tightly as her body relaxed after another contraction. The past twelve hours she'd been in stalled labor, and right now she wanted nothing more than for her baby to be born, for no other reason than for the pain to subside so she could sleep and hold her baby.

"It's okay," Derek murmured, reaching out to run a damp towel over her forehead. "You're doing amazing, Mer, I'm so proud of you. Do you need me to do anything for you?"

He had been completely amazing. He hadn't left her side for the entire time she'd been in the room, not complaining as she'd squeezed his hand with all her strength as the contractions took over her body. She was completely exhausted and sore, but she knew that if Derek weren't here taking care of her she wouldn't have even been able to make it this far.

"I'm so tired," she whispered, turning to look at her. "Can't we….is there something e can do to make her come?"

"She'll come when she's ready," Derek sighed, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand. "You're doing incredible, Mer."

"I can't do it," she shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "I can't do this anymore, Derek."

"Yes you can," Derek promised, running a hand over her tightened belly. "This is it, Mer. Only a couple more hours, and if she's not here then they'll induce labor. It's almost over."

"I can't…" Meredith inhaled deeply before she shook her head, turning to look at him. "Distract me."

"Hmm?" Derek frowned, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb as he clutched her hand tightly.

"Distract me," she whispered, squeezing her eyes closed tightly. "I can't think about labor and giving birth…I want to think about something else. Something happy and not painful."

"Okay," Derek smiled softly. "Remember the night we made her? God, you were so beautiful that night."

Meredith smiled slightly as she nodded, squeezing her eyes closed tightly as she remembered the past Thanksgiving, right after they'd made up from their near divorce and started working on their marriage.

_The kids were finally asleep, and Meredith could feel the weight of the day creeping into her body as she made her way to her bedroom. It had been a good day, but she and Derek still weren't as solid as she would have liked them to be. They were trying to work things out, but the business of getting ready for the holiday had distracted them from really working on their marriage the way they should have. And she still missed him, the way he used to look at her and touch her._

_She walked into their bedroom, stopping for a moment as she took in the candle light and the soft jazz music filling the air, Derek standing at his dresser, pouring two glasses of wine._

"_Hey," she said softly, turning to close the door, secluding them in their own safe haven of their bedroom._

"_Hi," he smiled, turning to her and handing her a glass of wine, offering her a warm smile._

"_Are you trying to seduce me?" she giggled as she clinked her glass against his, sipping the wine._

"_Maybe," Derek smiled coyly._

"_Well, Dr. Shepherd," she smiled, leaning into his embrace. "You do know what I like in order to seduce me."_

"_Of course," Derek said, running a hand up and down her spine, causing her entire body to tingle._

"_We've been busy," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder. "I hate it, Derek, we're supposed to be working on this."_

"_I know," Derek sighed, pressing his lips to the top of her head. "I'm sorry, Mer, I don't want to let you slip into the background again."_

"_Me either," she whispered. "Just…with the holidays and everything, it's been hard to focus on us."_

"_And we're still awkward," Derek sighed._

"_Do you think sex will make it less awkward?" Meredith whispered. "Will it help us be us again?"_

"_I hope so," he whispered. "I…we don't have to if you don't want to. But I thought it might help."_

"_I want to," she nodded, setting her wine down and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Can we…will you make love to me?"_

"_Oh, Meredith," he smiled. "Of course."_

_She smiled softly as she kissed him deeply. "I love you," she whispered against his lips, wrapping her arms around his neck._

"_I love you too," he smiled, squeezing her tightly and leading her towards the bed. He took his time undressing her, dropping her clothes to the floor before she stood before him completely naked, causing his breath to leave his chest as he breathed her in. "Meredith," he whispered. "You're beautiful."_

_She blushed slightly as she ducked her head down, reaching for the buttons on his shirt. She could feel goosebumps building on his skin as she trailed her lips down the skin of his chest and stomach as she exposed the skin. When she reached for the button on his jeans, a sly smile appeared on her lips as she let his hard erection into the air, running her fingers gently over the velvety skin._

"_Meredith," he moaned as he stepped out of his pants, pulling her naked body to press against his._

"_Derek," she breathed, pressing her lips against his as she felt his erection pressing into her stomach._

"_Hmmm," he sighed, turning her to lay on the bed as he slid his body on top of her, running his hands over her curves and staring at her with eyes that were glazed over with lust. "I love you so much."_

"_I love you too," she whispered, tears stinging her eyes at the honesty of his words, knowing she would never doubt it again._

_He swallowed hard, his eyes remaining focused on hers as he slowly slid into her, staying still for a moment. "Meredith."_

_She tightened her thigh around his waist for a moment, holding him still inside of her, not ready for him to move yet. He seemed to understand, and stayed still inside of her for a long moment, giving each of them for a moment to adjust to the feeling of being together again, savoring the feeling of being deep inside of her, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck as their eyes remained locked on each other's, each reading deep into the other's soul._

"_Derek," she gasped, loosening her leg from around his waist and arching her hips to his, letting him know that she was ready._

_Silently, he propped himself up on his forearms, beginning to move slowly in and out of her, savoring every slow thrust as he felt her walls begin to contract around him. "Oh, Meredith," he breathed._

"_Derek," she moaned, arching her back in pleasure as her first orgasm washed over her. "Yes…"_

_He grunted her name as he picked up his pace slightly, moving faster into her as she rode the wave of her orgasm._

"_Derek!" she cried his name again, her body quivering beneath his. "Oh yes…yes, yes, yes!"_

_She continued to moan his name as he thrust into her, his own orgasm building quickly as he began to release into her. "Meredith!" her name escaped his lips in a long moan, his own orgasm lasting far longer than usual as he felt her walls tighten around him. "Oh God."_

"_Derek," she gasped, threading her fingers through his hair as she kissed him deeply. "Oh wow."_

"_That was…incredible," Derek gasped, keeping himself nestled deep inside of her as he rested his head between her breasts the way he always did after sex. She loved the feeling of his soft breath against her skin._

"_Completely," Meredith murmured, pressing a kiss to his temple as she closed her eyes tightly. She wasn't sure why, but she felt something different than she usually did after they made love, almost as if they had a new bond._

_It was six weeks later when she realized that she was pregnant again, with the baby that brought them back together._

"That was an amazing night," Meredith smiled softly as Derek stroked her forearm tenderly.

"She brought us back together, Mer," he murmured. "I know you're miserable, and I hate that. But when Carrie gets here, you'll be grateful for her. She's our daughter, Mer."

"I already am," Meredith smiled, tears filling her eyes. "I just…Derek, this has to end soon. I can't do this for much longer."

"Do you want me to page Dr. Cooper?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded miserably.

"Okay," Derek said, pressing a kiss to the back of her hand before he reached for the button beside her bed to call the doctor to her room. Less than a minute later, Dr. Cooper appeared in the doorway, looking just as frustrated as he felt, a smile fixed on her face regardless.

"How are we doing?" she sighed as she checked Meredith's vitals and the fetal monitor attached to her stomach.

"Pain," Meredith gasped as her body contracted again. "Lots of pain, and exhaustion. Worse than either time before."

"Can we think about inducing?" Derek asked softly as he reached to wipe the sweat from Meredith's forehead. "She's miserable, and I don't think Carrie's coming anytime soon."

Dr. Cooper was silent for a moment as she examined Meredith before she turned back to look at them. "I think your daughter is one for surprises," she said. "Ten centimeters dilated, ready to deliver."

"Oh thank God," Meredith gasped as she leaned back into the pillows. "Can I start pushing?"

"Just another minute," Dr. Cooper promised, quickly paging a team to the room. As they assembled to prepare for Carrie's birth, Derek settled himself beside Meredith on the bed, gripping her hands tightly.

"This is it, Mer," he murmured. "I'm so proud of you. You can do this."

"I can't," she shook her head. "I can't, Derek. I'm sorry, but I can't. I'm so tired."

"You can sleep soon," he assured her, rubbing her back as she squeezed his hand again. "You can do it, Mer, I know you can. For Carrie."

"Alright Meredith, push," Dr. Cooper ordered.

Tears streamed down Meredith's face as she pushed, clutching Derek's hand with all the strength she had in her. He murmured comforting words in her ear as she relaxed against his chest, panting heavily.

"You're doing great, Meredith," Dr. Cooper encouraged. "Her head is out, you're just going to have to push one more time and she'll be here."

"Come on, Mer, one last push," Derek encouraged. "You can do it, and then Carrie will be here."

Meredith took a deep breath and pushed down one last time, squeezing Derek's hand tightly and relaxing as soon as the strong sounds of their daughter filled the air.

"Here she is," Dr. Cooper announced. "Would you like to cut the cord, Dad?"

"Definitely," Derek smiled, moving to the end of the bed and feeling tears prick his eyes as he laid eyes on his baby daughter for the first time. "Oh, Carrie."

"She's here," Meredith gasped as he snapped the cord. "Can I see her?"

"Here she is," Dr. Cooper smiled, placing the screaming baby on Meredith's stomach.

"Oh," Meredith breathed, fresh tears streaming down her face. "She's beautiful."

"Just like her mommy," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "You did it, Mer. I'm so proud of you."

"I love you," Meredith whispered, shifting as Dr. Cooper reached for Carrie.

"We have to perform the afterbirth," Dr. Cooper reported. "But we'll bring her back as soon as we perform her APGAR."

"Go with her," Meredith said to her husband.

"Are you sure?" he frowned.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled softly. "This is the easy part. And she needs her daddy."

"I'll bring her back as soon as they give me the okay," Derek whispered. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," Meredith whispered. "And tell Carrie I love her too."

XXXXX

It was hours later when she drifted back into consciousness, blinking slightly as she wondered where she was for a moment. As soon as she realized that she was in a hospital room, the painful memories of the day before came back before she sat up quickly, looking for her baby.

She found her sleeping silently, nestled against her husband's chest. "Hi," he smiled as he stood, carefully making his way towards the bed and sitting down beside her. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay," Meredith smiled, reaching for the sleeping baby. "Hi Carrie."

"She's finally here," Derek sighed, wrapping an arm around Meredith's waist. "Completely perfect."

"She's okay?" Meredith asked, staring down at the tiny baby. "All her tests and everything are okay?"

"Passed with flying colors," Derek nodded. "She looks exactly like you, Mer."

Meredith smiled as she looked down at the baby in her arms. He was right. The tiny little girl in her arms had her lips, her nose, the same shape of her face. "She does," she whispered. "Did you see her eyes?"

"Bright blue," Derek smiled. "She had to have some of me in her."

Meredith giggled slightly as she slipped the pink hat off of Carrie's head to reveal a thin layer of fine blonde hair. "She even has my hair."

"She's beautiful," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to Meredith's cheek. "Just like her mother."

"You don't need to flatter me," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I spent the last forty eight hours giving birth."

"And you're still completely beautiful," Derek smiled, reaching into his pocket. "Which is why you deserve this."

Meredith's eyes widened as she laid eyes on the white gold necklace in his hands, a heart pendant sparkling with diamonds even in the dull light of the hospital room. "Derek," she breathed. "I don't…"

"You deserve it, Mer," he murmured. "You didn't complain through this pregnancy at all, even though and I know you were completely miserable. And that labor…it had to be one of the longest in history. But you did it, and I'm so proud of you. I want you to have this."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled softly, tears filling her eyes. "Stupid hormones."

"They'll go away soon," Derek said, reaching around her to hook the necklace around her neck. "Beautiful."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled, pressing her lips against his. "I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured. "So much."

Meredith sighed as she turned back to Carrie. "We have another baby."

"Mom's bringing our other babies over to meet their new sister," Derek smiled. "Katie is very excited to have another girl."

Meredith giggled slightly. "I always told you that the Shepherd women would dominate."

Derek smiled. "Well at least Dan only has two sisters instead of four," he said. "And they're not annoying like their aunts were."

"I'm sure Dan will disagree with you in a few years," Meredith smiled. "But…our kids are completely perfect."

"And the Shepherd family is complete," Derek smiled, turning to Carrie as she woke slowly, her eyes fluttering open. "Hi beautiful."

"She has your eyes," Meredith murmured as she looked into her daughter's clear blue eyes.

"You love them," Derek said, squeezing her close to him.

"I do," Meredith nodded. "And I am very glad that one of my children looks like me."

"She's completely beautiful," Derek breathed. "Tied for the most beautiful baby girl ever."

"Katie was beautiful too," Meredith nodded. "But Carrie…God, Derek, we went through so much to get her here."

"And you were so amazing yesterday," Derek whispered. "I'm so proud of you, I know it wasn't easy."

"It wasn't," Meredith shook her head. "But…it was totally worth it."

"I know," Derek smiled, trailing his finger over his daughter's soft cheek. "She's here and she's healthy. That's all I ever wanted."

"Me too," Meredith whispered, looking down at her. "Do you think she's hungry?"

"The nurses gave her some formula," Derek murmured. "Just a little to tide her over until you woke up, so she's probably hungry."

"Do you need to eat, sweetheart?" Meredith asked, adjusting her hospital gown and allowing Carrie to attach to her breast. "There you go."

"This is it, Mer," Derek smiled, leaning his forehead against hers. "Our family's complete."

"It is," Meredith smiled down at her daughter. "Welcome to the Shepherd family, Caroline Elizabeth Shepherd. You're going to love it."


	84. Chapter 84

"Mama!" Katie's voice came from down the hall as she cradled Carrie close to her chest later that afternoon.

"Daddy!" Dan's voice shouted in response, followed by Carolyn's voice telling them both to quiet down.

"Our kids are here," Derek laughed from his place in the chair beside her bed, snapping a picture of her and Carrie.

"They would be the loud ones," Meredith giggled.

"Mama!" Katie shouted as the door burst open and she ran inside, a care bear in her hands. "Hi Daddy!"

"Hi princess," Derek smiled, picking her up and placing her onto the bed before scooping Dan into his arms. "Hey buddy."

"Hi Dada!" Dan exclaimed. "Baby?"

"Yep, this is your baby sister," Derek said, setting Dan on the bed beside Katie, both of them staring curiously at the baby sleeping in their mother's arms, Katie's face forming a confused frown.

"This is your sister," Meredith repeated softly. "Caroline Elizabeth Shepherd. But we're going to call her Carrie."

"Oh, Derek," Carolyn smiled as she stepped to the other side of the bed, smiling down at Carrie. "She's absolutely beautiful."

"I know," Derek smiled proudly. "She looks exactly like her mother. The beautiful baby in the world."

"She's perfect," Meredith smiled, wiping a tear from her eye as she smiled down at Carrie.

"Don't cry, Mommy," Katie frowned.

"I'm crying because I'm happy, sweetheart," Meredith smiled down Katie. "Not because I'm sad."

"Oh," Katie nodded seriously. She stared down at the care bear in her hands for a moment before she handed it to Meredith. "For Carrie. She care bear, she gets care bear."

"You're giving her your care bear?" Derek smiled softly. Katie really was excited to have a sister.

"Care bear," Katie nodded, reaching down to pat Carrie's cheek, causing her to wake and cry loudly.

"You're going to call her care bear?" Meredith asked over Carrie's wailing, shifting her baby to rest against her chest.

"Yeah," Katie frowned as she looked down at a crying Carrie. "Make her stop crying, Mommy."

"No crying," Dan agreed firmly.

"Babies cry," Derek assured his son, running a hand over his thick hair. "You cried a lot too."

"You were the loudest," Meredith giggled softly.

"I no loud," Katie said proudly.

"You had your moments," Derek assured her. "And you were even tinier than Carrie is right now."

"Smaller?" Katie's eyes widened.

"You were," Derek nodded. "But both of you were perfect babies, just like your sister is."

Dan stared at Carrie for a moment, a frown on his face. "No like," he said firmly. "No baby."

"What?" Meredith frowned.

"Dan no like baby," he said firmly, climbing out of Derek's arms and trying to push his way into Meredith's arms. "Give back."

"We're not going to give her back," Meredith shook her head, untangling one arm from Carrie to wrap around him. "She's our daughter. And she's your sister, so you have to learn to like her."

"Too loud," Dan pouted.

"And you've had your loud moments too, mister," Derek said firmly. "She's not going anywhere, so get used to it."

Dan stared at him for a moment before he stated, "Mean Daddy. No like baby, give back."

"Daniel George Shepherd," Meredith frowned. "Be nice to your father, or Grandma will take you downstairs."

"No."

"Do you want to go home?"

"No."

"Then behave."

"No."

"And we're officially into the terrible twos," Derek rolled his eyes. "And apparently worse than Katie's."

"This will be interesting," Meredith sighed, leaning into the pillows as Carrie continued to wail in her arms. "I think she's hungry."

"We'll bring them downstairs for some snacks," Derek said, pulling a struggling Dan into his arms, Carolyn lifting Katie off of the bed and taking her hand. "Do you need anything?"

"No," Meredith shook her head. "We're fine."

"Okay, we'll be back in a few minutes," Derek smiled at her over his shoulder. "Love you."

Meredith sighed as she pulled her gown down, letting Carrie suck onto her breast. "There you go, sweetie," she murmured. "What do you think of your brother and sister? They're pretty fun, although I think Dan is a little cranky because he didn't get a nap. But we're all going to be completely happy, I promise. Because we're Shepherds, and the Shepherds are amazing. You're going to have a wonderful life, your daddy and I are going to make sure that you're always happy. And your brother and sister will watch out for you too. Because Shepherds look out for each other. It's what we do, and we're going to love it."

XXXXX

The next afternoon, Derek strode into her room, smiling as he saw Meredith leaning over the bed as she changed Carrie's diaper.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled as he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close.

"That's Dr. Shepherd to you," she laughed as she leaned into him, picking Carrie up and leaning into his chest.

"Happy anniversary," he murmured before he pressed a kiss to her cheek, smiling down at her.

"Happy anniversary," Meredith smiled widely.

"I signed your discharge papers," Derek said, taking Carrie out of her arms and pressing a kiss to her capped head. "Ready to go home?"

"Definitely," Meredith sighed, turning to shove some last items in her overnight bag. "Let's go."

Derek smiled as he walked out of the room, Carrie cuddled closely against his chest as her eyes drifted shut.

"How were the kids this morning?" Meredith asked, stifling a yawn. The exhaustion of Carrie's birth still hadn't worn off.

"Katie was good," Derek said carefully. "She helped me make sure the nursery was all set for her baby Care bear."

Meredith couldn't help but smile at how excited Katie was about having a sister. But she didn't miss the way that Derek had avoided mentioning Dan when she'd asked about the behavior of their kids that morning. "And Dan?" she asked. "Is he still upset about Carrie?"

Derek sighed as they stepped out of the elevators. "Dan," he said carefully. "Refused to eat breakfast because I told him Carrie was coming home today. So I put him in time out until he was ready to stop screaming. He was still in his room when I left, Mom said she would handle it."

Meredith sighed as they stopped before the front doors. "He really doesn't want to have a sister," she said as she ran a hand over Carrie's tiny head, leaning in to kiss her head softly.

"But she does," Derek said. "It might be hard, Mer, but we'll get through it. Dan will learn to love Carrie."

"Good," Meredith smiled, looking down at Carrie and trailing a finger along her cheek. "Are we ready to go outside for the first time, angel? This is a very exciting day for you."

"We're ready to go home," Derek smiled as they walked towards his parking space. She opened the back door for him to settle Carrie into the car seat, then settled herself in the passenger seat.

"She's sleeping?" she asked as Derek climbed into the driver's side of their jeep and started the car.

"Like a baby," Derek answered, moving the car out of the parking lot and heading towards their land.

"Derek?" she asked softly when they were well on their way home, heading out of the city.

"Hmmm?" he asked, squeezing her hand tightly.

"What happens if Dan doesn't like her?" Meredith asked. "I've tried really hard to make sure that I don't treat either Dan or Katie better or worse than the other. But I grew up alone, I know nothing about sibling rivalry. How are we supposed to handle that? I don't want our kids to hate each other."

"If there's one thing I know about, it's sibling rivalry," Derek laughed slightly. "Growing up…if I wasn't fighting with my sisters, one of them was fighting with another. I watched my mom handle it, we'll make it work. I promise. All parents deal with this."

"I hope so," Meredith sighed. "Because…I didn't like Lexie when I first met her, but I wish I had known her growing up. I want our kids to like each other and be there for each other. Like you and your sisters."

"They will," Derek assured her. "Dan's only two. He'll get used to having her around. I hated Liz when Mom and Dad first brought her home. Now she's my favorite."

"True," Meredith sighed. "I bet your mom has all kinds of stories about how mean you were to your sisters."

"What makes you think that I was mean to them?" Derek frowned.

"Kathleen told me about the hair dye in the shampoo bottle the day before prom," Meredith giggled. "I'll give you points for being creative."

"That was funny," Derek laughed.

"You better not ever tell Dan about that," Meredith warned.

"I won't," Derek shook his head. "Though Uncle Mark might tell him about the frogs in the microwave."

"I don't even want to know," Meredith sighed as he pulled up to their house. "Home."

"We're home," Derek smiled, putting the car in park and leaning across the console to press a kiss to her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled. "Let's get Carrie inside."

"I'll get the bags," Derek said.

"Hi sweetheart," Meredith whispered as she opened the back door and pulled Carrie into her arms. "We're home. Katie and Grandma are very excited to welcome you home."

"Here we go, sweetie," Derek smiled as he stepped up beside them and opened the door for Meredith to step through.

"Welcome home, Carrie," Meredith smiled.

"Mommy's home!" Katie cried, running into the hallway. "Hi Daddy!"

"Hi princess," Derek smiled as he bent down to pick her up, resting her on his hip. "Do you want to say hi to Carrie?"

"Hi Care bear," Katie giggled.

"Hi sweetheart," Carolyn came out of the kitchen with Dan in her arms. "Welcome home, Carrie."

"She says thanks Grandma," Meredith smiled as she reached out to tickle Dan's stomach. "Hi buddy."

"Mama," Dan smiled widely.

"He seems to be feeling better," Derek said to his mother.

"We had a little discussion about how important it is that he is now a big brother," Carolyn smiled. "The same discussion we had with you when we brought Liz home."

"Really?" Derek smiled slightly. "What did you say?"

"That's between Dan and I," Carolyn smiled. "And I believe it will work."

"That's…so not fair," Derek frowned.

"Don't pout, Derek," Meredith sighed as she headed towards the living room. "It teaches our children the wrong things."

"Care bear play?" Katie asked as Derek carried her into the living room.

"She's too small to play right now, Katie bell," Meredith said. "She'll sleep a lot for the next couple months."

"Sleep boring," Katie frowned.

"I know, but pretty soon she'll want to play," Meredith promised.

"Good," Katie nodded firmly. "Dan, play with Lucky?"

Dan giggled loudly as he walked over to where Lucky was lying in front of the back door, petting him hard and bringing the dog to life.

"Dan seems better," Meredith murmured as Derek settled himself beside her on the couch. "Thanks, Mom."

"Of course, Meredith," Carolyn said as she settled herself in the armchair beside the couch. "If there's one thing I know about parenting, it's how to deal with sibling rivalry. Derek was the master of practical jokers when he was a child."

"You would be," Meredith rolled her eyes as Carrie whimpered slightly.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked.

"Yeah," Meredith sighed, placing her in his arms. "I have to pee. Then we'll show her the nursery?"

"Sounds perfect," Derek smiled as he looked down at Carrie. "Hi sweetheart. What do you think of your home?"

Carrie gargled slightly and spit up on his shoulder, causing him to laugh slightly. "I guess I'll take that as a positive sign," he said.

"Mommy!" Katie cried as Meredith came into the room. "Can we show Carrie her nursery?"

"That's the plan, sweetie," Meredith smiled, reaching down to run her hand over Katie's dark curls. "Do you want to come with me and Daddy?"

"Yeah!" Katie cried. "I put Care bears in her room."

"Well, that was a very big sister thing for you to do," Meredith smiled. "I'm proud of you."

Derek glanced at Dan, who was curled up on the floor, his head resting on Lucky's stomach as his eyes drifted shut. "I think our little fireball is asleep," he said.

"We should let him sleep," Meredith sighed. "Hopefully he won't have any temper tantrums tonight if he has a long nap."

"Come on, Daddy!" Katie rolled her eyes, bouncing slightly in place.

"I'm coming, princess," Derek smiled following Meredith and Katie towards the stairs.

"Daddy and I made it pretty again," Katie reported as she tried to turn the handle to the nursery.

"Good job, Katie bell," Meredith smiled, turning the doorknob for Katie and gasping slightly when she stepped inside. Gone was the simple nursery that it had been for both Katie and Dan. Now, this room was covered in pictures of the family, with stuffed Care bears filling the room. Disney Princess posters hung on the wall above the crib, pictures of Derek, Meredith, Katie and Dan surrounding it. "Derek," she breathed, taking in the sight of the transformed nursery. "It's perfect."

"I'm glad you like it," he murmured. "Katie and I worked hard on it. She gave me a lot of good suggestions."

"I'm proud of you, Katie bug," Meredith smiled, sitting down in the arm chair and pulling Katie into her lap. "Are you excited to have a new little sister?"

"Yeah," Katie nodded firmly, cuddling into Meredith's side.

"The real question is what Carrie thinks of it," Derek smiled as he bounced her slightly in his arms. "What do you think sweetheart?"

"How come she doesn't talk?" Katie asked, looking up at Meredith.

"She has to learn," Meredith explained, hugging Katie close to her. "She won't be able to talk for a long time, probably a year from now."

"A year?" Katie frowned. "That's a long time."

"I know," Meredith smiled as she met Derek's eyes over the top of their daughter's head.

"I go play now," Katie said, scrambling out of Meredith's lap and running out of the room. Meredith smiled as she stood and moved closer to Derek, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," Derek smiled, looking down at Carrie. "Welcome to your new home, Carrie. We're going to make sure that you're very happy here."


	85. Chapter 85

Derek sighed as his alarm went off, waking him from the middle of a deep sleep, his first in what seemed like years. Without moving, he moved his hand from Meredith's hip to slam the alarm off before he dropped it back to wrap around her waist, pressing a kiss to the skin of her shoulder, revealing itself as the shoulder of his t-shirt slid down her shoulder.

"Do we really have to get up?" Meredith murmured into her pillow, exhaustion lacing her voice.

"We really have to get up," he murmured.

"Carrie's still sleeping," she whispered That was a miracle in and of itself. Their one month old rarely slept, and he was still trying to figure out exactly where she got the energy to cry so much when she never slept.

"It's Katie's first day of school," he sighed.

As if on cue, the door to their bedroom burst open and Katie ran in. "Mommy, Daddy! Wake up! Time for school!" she shouted.

Meredith groaned as she untangled herself from Derek's arms, reaching down to pull Katie onto the bed with them. "School doesn't start for two hours, sweetheart," she laughed.

"She's an excited student just like her daddy," Derek smiled as he pulled her into his arms. "Come here, princess."

"Morning Daddy," Katie giggled, kissing his cheek quickly. Derek smiled as he hugged her close. He loved how happy his little girl was all the time, especially since his son was less than happy these days.

"Mama!" Dan's voice came over the baby monitor.

"I blame you," Meredith sighed as she pulled herself out of bed, reaching for her bathrobe.

"For what?" Derek frowned.

"For the fact that all my children love mornings," Meredith groaned as she pulled her robe over her shoulders.

"Mommy's silly," Derek laughed as he pressed a kiss to Katie's nose. "She loves cuddle time."

"Silly Mommy," Katie giggled.

"Here we are," Meredith sighed as she came into the room with Dan on her hip, tickling his stomach gently, causing him to laugh loudly. "He didn't want to miss out on cuddle time."

"We're missing a member of the family," Derek laughed as he glanced at the clock. 6:11.

"She'll be up in about half an hour," Meredith said, reading her mind. "And I'm not waking her up until she's ready."

"That's definitely a good plan," Derek nodded. The last thing they needed in this house was more screaming from their kids.

"Daddy?" Katie asked from his lap.

"Yes sweetie?"

"School?"

"In a couple hours," Derek laughed. "I'm glad you're excited for school. I can't believe you're big enough to go to school already!"

"She's definitely your daughter," Meredith muttered.

"Don't pretend you didn't like school," Derek laughed. "You went to school until you were thirty one."

"I hated school."

"Preschool?"

"I…don't actually remember," Meredith sighed.

"I'm sure you liked it," Derek smiled. "Just like our little princess is going to love it today."

Before anyone could say anything else, Carrie's wails came over the monitor, and Derek sighed as he turned to look at Meredith. "Big kids or baby?" he asked, not missing the exhaustion etched into her features.

"I'll get her," Meredith sighed. "She's hungry."

"I'll get breakfast ready," Derek nodded. "And then we have to get our princess ready for her first day of school."

"School!" Katie giggled happily.

"You'll make lots of friends," Derek promised as he rested Dan on his hip and followed Katie towards the stairs. "Be careful on the stairs."

"I careful," she nodded, gripping the railing as she took the steps one by one, jumping off the last one onto the floor.

"Good girl," Derek smiled as he settled Dan in his booster seat and turned to pour milk into two sippy cups. "What do you want for breakfast, Katie? It's your big day, so you get to choose."

"Ummmm…pancakes!" she giggled, climbing onto a chair and standing on it, bouncing in place.

"Sit in the chair," Derek reminded her. "And we can have pancakes. Since you decided it was a good idea to wake up an hour early."

"Tanks Daddy," Katie smiled, jumping down from the chair when Meredith entered the room with Carrie fidgeting in her arms. "Care bear!" she cried. "It's almost time for school!"

"Don't jump off the chair," Meredith said as she knelt to the ground and allowed Katie to press a kiss to Carrie's cheek.

Derek smiled as he stirred the pancake batter, watching his three girls huddle together on the floor of the kitchen, Meredith's giggles mixing in with Katie's. He knew it wouldn't be very long before Carrie started laughing, and he could only hope that she got her mother's giggle. It was his favorite sound in the world, and he was very grateful that at least one of his daughters had inherited it.

"Daddy!" Dan frowned at him as he banged his sippy cup against the table, trying to get his attention.

"Sorry, bud," Derek laughed as he lifted Dan onto his hip, continuing to cook the pancakes with one hand. "Was no one paying enough attention to you? How about you help Daddy with the pancakes?"

"Gil!" Dan nodded, pointing at the rest of the family, still huddled together on the kitchen floor.

"That's right, those are our girls," Derek nodded. "So we have to watch out for them okay?"

Dan looked at Derek curiously for a moment before he reached out and smacked him in the nose.

"Ow!" Derek frowned. "What was that for? I'm trying to be a good father and you hit me?"

"No gil," Dan laughed.

"Oh, you're turning into a handful," Derek laughed. "Here I thought that you were going to help me protect myself from those crazy Shepherd women. I guess I was wrong."

"Dada!" Dan nodded, reaching to smack his nose again.

"I think he's wondering why your nose is crooked, Der," Meredith giggled.

"I don't know why I put up with this abuse," Derek shook his head.

"Because you love us," Meredith smiled sweetly. "Right Katie bell?"

"Yeah, Daddy loves us!" she nodded from the chair she had climbed onto.

"And because I love you, I'm going to remind you to sit in the chair," Derek said. "What happens next time I have to tell you?"

"I get a time out," Katie sighed as she moved to sit in the chair.

"Good girl," Meredith smiled as she carefully moved Carrie into the bouncy seat next to the window. "Is breakfast ready yet?"

"Yep," Derek said, flipping a couple pancakes onto a plate. "Do you want to get som fruit or something for them?"

Meredith smiled as she took Dan out of his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of his head and settling him back into his booster seat before she moved towards the fridge. She squeezed his shoulder quickly as she passed him, and he was suddenly struck with the fact that this was it. All those years ago when she had built him the extraordinary house of candles, this was all that he had ever wanted. And he couldn't imagine being any happier.

XXXXX

An hour and a half later, he could think of a million other places that he would be that would make him happier.

They had left Carrie and Dan to the care of Mark and Lexie while they'd taken Katie to preschool together. Their oldest had bounced in excitement the entire way into the city and into the parking lot of the best preschool they could find in the city. But as soon as Meredith had opened the back door and unbuckled her from her car seat, Katie had burst into terrified tears and clung to Meredith for dear life.

Meredith, the woman who he'd had to pry emotions out of with the jaws of life when they'd first met, had started to cry as well, and it was all Derek could do not to turn the car around and drive them back home.

Once he'd convinced his wife that they needed to take Katie inside, Meredith had conceded and carried Katie into the school. As soon as she'd seen that the inside of the school was very similar to the hospital day care she loved so much, Katie had scrambled out of Meredith's arms to play dress up in a corner, not looking back to the door where her parents were still standing.

"She's allergic to bees," Meredith rambled to the teacher, twisting her wedding ring around her finger. "I put her epi-pen in her backpack, so if she gets stung, you just have to…"

"Mer, they have her medical records," Derek murmured. "It's okay."

"She's our baby, Derek," Meredith whispered, turning to look at him with tear filled eyes.

"I know," he said, squeezing her hand. "She's more than ready for this, Mer. It's okay."

"I hate leaving her," Meredith sighed.

"We'll come pick her up at noon," Derek said. "Four hours. She's been in day care longer than that."

"I know," Meredith swallowed hard, moving towards Katie. "I just have to say good bye."

"No offense, Mrs. Shepherd, but we really don't encourage parents to disrupt the children once they've already adjusted to the environment," Katie's teacher stepped in, and Derek shot her a thankful look.

"I can't say goodbye?" Meredith frowned.

"Katie adjusted very well to the classroom," Mrs. Christiansen smiled. "But she'll just as easily snap out of that. Believe me, she won't even realize that you've gone. I see this every day."

"Okay," Meredith swallowed hard, looking at Katie for a moment before she turned and hurried out the door.

"Thanks," Derek said gratefully. "She just had our third baby, and her emotions are all over the place."

"I don't think giving birth has anything to do with it," Mrs. Christiansen smiled as she gestured to another weeping mother in the corner of the room. "This is her third to go through this pre school. Moms cry when we have to part with our babies for the first time. She'll be fine."

"Thanks," Derek repeated. "We'll be back to pick her up around noon."

"Have a good morning, Mr. Shepherd," she smiled before she turned to greet another set of parents addressing her.

"You okay?" Derek asked as he climbed back into the car, looking closely at Meredith.

"Yeah," she sighed. "I just…how is she ready for preschool?"

"I know," he sighed, taking her hand. "It feels like she was born yesterday."

"That was Carrie," Meredith giggled slightly.

"And before we know it, we'll be doing the same thing for her," Derek sighed. "They grow so fast."

"I wish I could slow it down," Meredith sighed. "I never…I was never going to be this person. The mom and the wife. But now I am, and I don't want it to end."

"Oh Mer," he smiled reaching to wipe a tear from her eye. "It's never going to end. You're always going to be their mother."

"But they're going to grow up," Meredith whispered. "Get into high school and be completely cynical and dye their hair pink and wear black clothes."

"Not if I have anything to say about it," Derek laughed as he leaned over to kiss her gently.

"Me either," Meredith sighed. "We should go home. Carrie's going to be hungry again soon."

Derek sighed as he pulled back and started the car. "Are you sure you're okay with me going back to work next week?" he asked.

"Yeah," Meredith nodded. "We'll have fun. And I'm only going to be home for another month before Carrie and Dan will go into day care."

"We'll have to figure something out for Katie," Derek said. "Hopefully Owen will understand that I can't be in the OR at noon."

"Part of me wishes that I was already an attending," Meredith sighed.

"One more year," Derek assured her with a hand squeeze.

"I know," she nodded. "It's just…Christina and Alex are my bosses, Derek. I'm actually their resident."

"I know it's awkward," Derek sighed. "But…maternity leave was worth it, wasn't it?"

"Definitely," Meredith smiled. "I love those kids so much."

"I know you do," he smiled, bringing the back of her hand to his mouth to press a gentle kiss to the skin. "And they adore you."

"I'm a good mom, aren't I?" she asked, and he felt his heart break a little at the vulnerability he found there. Her hormones were still out of whack from giving birth and coupled with the emotion of sending their oldest to school for the first time…apparently she was questioning her capabilities as a mother.

"You, Meredith Elizabeth Shepherd," he smiled. "Are an extraordinary mother."

A wide smile came across her face as she squeezed his hand tightly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said as he pulled up to their house. "Shall we see whether Dan has decided his baby sister needs to be returned yet?"

"That's not funny," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I would have thought that he would be used to her by now."

"I don't think he likes the crying," Derek said.

"Well, neither do I," Meredith shook her head. "But he wasn't exactly the quietest baby in the world."

"Or the quietest toddler," Derek sighed as they opened the front door to the sound of Dan's shouts and Carrie's wails.

"Shep, you owe us big time," Mark sighed as he shoved Dan into Derek's arms and turned to his own son, trying to calm his own whimpers.

"What the hell happened?" Derek asked as Lexie walked out of the living room, a sobbing Carrie wiggling in her arms. Meredith immediately reached for her, resting her against her shoulder and rubbing her back to calm her sobs.

"I don't know," Lexie sighed. "We were playing, but then Carrie started crying because her diaper was wet. She stopped after I changed her, but Dan started screaming. Apparently sisters are stupid."

"I can't say I actually disagree with that," Derek sighed as he stared down at Dan. "I thought we talked about this, Dan."

"Baby go way," he pouted.

"She's not going away," Derek said firmly. "You're going to have to get used to her."

"No baby."

"Daniel George."

"No."

"Derek," Meredith breathed, looking at him with tear filled eyes. "He hates her."

"He doesn't hate her," Derek said firmly, looking down at his son. "Are you sorry?"

"No."

"If you're not sorry, you're going in time out for the rest of the morning," Derek warned.

"No."

"That's it," Derek said firmly, moving to the stairs and ignoring Dan as he started to kick at his ribs.

"Are you okay, Mer?" Lexie asked, reaching out to squeeze her sister's arm.

"They hate each other," Meredith breathed. "I don't…how are we supposed to raise kids that hate each other?"

"You'll get used to it," Lexie nodded. "Molly used to bite me so hard it drew blood. But she got over it."

"I hope there's no bloodshed involved," Meredith sighed.

"It'll work out, Big Grey," Mark said. "Don't worry."

"Well, he's throwing a tantrum," Derek sighed as he came back down the stairs. "Come here, beautiful."

Meredith looked at him closely as he took Carrie into his arms. "What are we going to do, Derek?" she asked. "He hates her."

For the first time since the sibling rivalry had started, Derek actually looked nervous as he pressed a kiss to Carrie's head. "I don't know," he said, meeting her worried eyes with his own.


	86. Chapter 86

"You gotta be real gentle," Katie said, reaching out to run her hand over Carrie's stomach. "Otherwise you'll hurt her and then she'll cry a lot. And then she never ever stops."

Tears pricked at Meredith's eyes as she stood in the doorway to the nursery, watching as Katie took Dan's hand and gently led it to touch Carrie's stomach. Dan looked from Katie to Carrie curiously for a moment before he focused on stroking his sister's stomach.

"Good," Katie nodded firmly, sitting back and watching Dan with the same look of concentration on her face that Derek had whenever he watched a resident treat a patient or scrub in.

"Hey, I'm home," Derek announced from behind her, the front door slamming shut behind him.

"Shhh," she hissed, pointing into the living room. "Look. Those are our kids. Getting along."

Derek's arms wrapped around her waist and she felt his chin come to rest on her shoulder as they stood in the doorway, watching Dan, their incredibly stubborn two year old son who had refused to have any interaction with his younger sister, laugh slightly as Carrie grabbed his tiny finger in her even smaller fist. All thanks to the counseling of their four and a half year old daughter who was watching her younger siblings with a proud smile on her face.

"Are those really our kids?" Derek whispered in her ear. "They look like them but… they're not acting like them."

"They really are," Meredith smiled, leaning into him. "They're happy. And they're together."

"No one's crying."

"Or screaming."

"Or hating each other."

"Katie's teaching Dan how to be nice to a baby," Meredith whispered. "I don't want to disturb them."

"She's incredible," Derek said, squeezing her tightly. "We've done a good job raising her."

"Hopefully with the other too as well," Meredith smiled as she turned to him, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Hi."

"Hi," he smiled, leaning down to kiss her.

"How was work?" she asked. He'd been back at work for a month now, and she was joining him the next day.

"Boring," he shrugged. "Sunday. No scheduled surgeries, I was just on call for emergencies."

"Hmmm," Meredith sighed.

"Everyone's excited to have you back," he offered.

"Really?" she smiled slightly. She loved being home with her babies, but part of her was really looking forward to being back at the hospital, to being a doctor again and feel like a real person.

"Really," Derek promised. "I think people like you more than me in that place. You're the popular Shepherd."

"Well that's probably true," she giggled.

"Apparently the pictures of Carrie are too outdated," Derek rolled his eyes. "I still think it's weird that Addison bugs me about stuff like that. My ex-wife asking me for pictures of my kids…weird."

"She's our friend now," Meredith sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder and smiled down at her children again.

"I know," Derek sighed, running his fingertips up and down her spine, laughing when Carrie hiccupped slightly and Dan jumped away from her. The rumbling in his chest made her smile, and she cuddled closer to him, seeking his warmth as the giggles of their kids filled the air. "I'm so proud of Katie."

"Me too," Meredith smiled. "She's such a smart little girl. I can't believe how good she is with them."

"Well look at her parents," Derek laughed. "We're both neurosurgeons, of course she's a genius."

Meredith shook her head as she leaned into his embrace. "You're lucky I love you," she sighed. "Otherwise your ego would have suffocated me by now since you always talk like that."

"Very lucky," Derek agreed, pressing his lips against her forehead. "We both are, to have such incredible kids."

"Daddy!" Katie exclaimed, jumping up off of the floor and running towards him. "Hi Daddy!"

"Hi sweetheart," Derek smiled as he lifted her into his arms, tossing her in the air. "How are you?"

"I good," Katie giggled slightly.

"Are you showing Dan how to play with Carrie?" Derek asked as he settled her on his hip.

"Yeah," Katie announced proudly.

"Good job, princess," Derek murmured. "I'm proud of you, you're a very good big sister."

"Mommy!" Dan said as he toddled over to her. "I gotta go potty! Right now, like a big boy!"

"Come here, sweetie," Meredith said as she lifted him into her arms. "Watch the girls, Der?"

"Of course," Derek nodded. As Meredith carried Dan towards the downstairs bathroom, Derek knelt on the ground where Carrie was lying, scooping her up with his free arm and cuddling her close to his chest. "How are you, Carrie?" he asked. "Did you have a fun day with your mommy and siblings?"

Carrie smiled up at him, her bright blue eyes shining up to meet his. He never tired of seeing her tiny face, exactly like her mother's smiling up at him with his own eyes reflected in hers. Dan had been having a lot of trouble getting adjusted to having another sister, he had even called Kathleen the week before to ask her advice on the topic. But apparently all he had needed was some sibling bonding time without him and Meredith pushing him to accept Carrie.

"Another successful potty trip," Meredith announced as she came back into the playroom and set Dan on the floor.

"Good job, buddy," Derek smiled as Dan ran towards him. "That deserves a high five from Dad."

Dan looked at his father's hand for a moment before he laughed and threw himself into his lap. Derek laughed as he found all of his kids hanging off of him, Meredith watching fondly from the doorway. "Come play, Mer," he laughed as Katie wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him to lay on his back so she could climb on his stomach as she giggled loudly.

"I'm good watching," she smiled. "But make sure you watch Carrie's head, her neck's not that strong yet."

"I've got her," Derek smiled down at her as Dan climbed under his legs. He was so caught up in being a jungle gym for his kids that he didn't even notice the camera until the flash blinded him for a moment. "What are you doing?" he laughed as he looked up at his wife.

"This…" she shook her head slightly. "I want to remember this moment forever. You're such an incredible father and the kids are happy…I want to be able to look back on this moment in twenty years."

Derek smiled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the floor with them, causing her to laugh in surprise. "Derek," she giggled.

"Take pictures," Derek nodded, holding up the camera so that it captured both of their faces, Katie giggling as she wiggled her way into the picture, between Derek and Meredith.

"Me Daddy!" she shouted. "Take pictures of me, cause I'm the besest! And the prettiest!"

Derek laughed as he shifted to sit up, cradling Carrie close to him as he used the other hand to switch the camera to video mode. "Okay, you're on video tape, sweetheart. Dance away."

Katie laughed as she began to prance around the room, obviously displaying the talents learned in her toddler ballet class. Meredith smiled as she watched Dan toddle after her, trying to keep up with her as she danced around the room. She glanced at her husband as he laughed loudly at their kids, their baby sleeping against his chest despite the nosiness of the room. It was moments like this that she wanted to remember when she went back to work the next day. Because once she went back to being a doctor, she had a feeling that this would happen less often, so she had to make the most of it right now and enjoy their family time.

Which is why, much to her husband's surprise, she scrambled to her feet and began dancing around the room with her daughter.

She wasn't sure she had ever been happier.

XXXXX

"Boy am I glad that you're back," Christina announced the next afternoon as she slammed a pile of charts onto the counter of the nurse's station where Meredith was sitting, reading over a chart as she sipped on a soda, her legs propped up on the edge of the desk.

"Thanks," Meredith smiled.

"So what are you scrubbing in on today?" Cristina asked. "Subdural hematoma? Severed spinal cord?"

"Nothing," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Your husband's mommy tracking me, making me run labs, be in the pit."

"What?" Cristina frowned. "Why?"

"I'm guessing because I'm a mommy," Meredith suggested. "It's like…discrimination against mothers or something."

"And you were a doctor before that," Christina nodded, shoving a chart into her hands. "Here. Surgery's at one."

"What…" Meredith frowned. "What is this?"

"You're the resident on my case," Christina nodded. "Pulmonary embolism. You interested?"

Meredith frowned as she reached for the chart. "I'm a neuro resident," she stated.

"And if that husband of yours isn't letting you scrub in than I will," Christina shrugged. "This is why I don't get pregnant. Pop out three kids for him and he won't even let you scrub in."

"It's not that," Meredith rolled her eyes. "He doesn't want to favor me. He never has."

"Whatever," Christina shrugged as she looked down at her beeping pager. "If you want in, you got it."

"Thanks," Meredith sighed. "But you'll have to explain it to your husband."

Christina rolled her eyes. "Trust me, Owen doesn't scare me," she stated. "I might as well be chief of surgery."

"There's a scary thought," Meredith giggled as she stood. "Okay, I'm in."

"Good," Christina said. "I've got a transplant next Monday if you want in on that too."

"Are you trying to make me go cardio?" Meredith asked.

"It's better than neuro," Christina said. "And I'm not going to say no to having intelligent people in my OR. The interns this year are useless."

"Thanks for what I think was a compliment," Meredith shook her head. "But I can't."

"Why not?" Christina frowned.

"I have to drive Derek home," Meredith giggled. "He's getting fixed."

"Well, it's about time," Christina said. "The last thing we need is more McDreamys running around."

"Well, I disagree with that," Derek's voice came from behind them and Meredith smiled as she turned to look at him.

"Hi," she smiled. "Have you been down to the day care?"

"Just came from there," Derek nodded, holding a piece of paper out to her with a smile. "Dan wrote you a letter."

Meredith smiled as she reached for the scribbled drawing. "I miss him," she breathed.

"He's right down stairs," Christina stated. "How can you miss him?"

"I'm just not used to being so far apart from him," Meredith sighed. "But he's fine. I know he's fine, so I just have to…work."

"Work," Christina nodded. "I'll see you in the OR."

"Bye Cris," Meredith smiled as she turned back to her husband, taking in the frown on his face. "What?"

"You're scrubbing in with Christina," he stated.

"She offered me a surgery," Meredith shrugged, knowing that he was going to get jealous.

"She can't offer you a surgery."

"She's an attending, I'm a resident," Meredith said. "That's how it works."

"She's a cardio attending, you're a neuro resident," Derek frowned.

"What are you jealous?" she giggled as she nudged him with her elbow. "That's cute. It's like the old days, remember?"

"I don't get jealous," Derek rolled his eyes. "But your first surgery back was supposed to be with me."

Meredith shrugged as she patted his shoulder. "You could have offered," she said over her shoulder as she headed towards the elevators. She giggled as the doors slid closed and she saw Derek standing in the middle of the hallway with a puzzled expression on his face. The man was so much fun to tease.

XXXXX

"Have I gone back in time seven years?" Meredith sighed as she stood at the counter later that afternoon, feeling Derek's presence lurking behind her much as he had when they had first met and he had chased her all over the hospital.

"What?" Derek asked, suddenly appearing beside her.

"You're stalking me," Meredith said, looking up from her chart. "Just like when we first met."

"I'm not stalking," Derek frowned. "Maybe I just wanted to see my wife."

"You're stalking," Meredith nodded. As his mouth opened to reply, she interrupted him by saying, "And it was definitely you who took advantage that night, so don't start that argument again."

"Fine," Derek rolled his eyes.

"So are you going to tell me why you're stalking me?" Meredith asked.

"I'm not…" Derek took a deep breath as he lifted his eyes to the ceiling in frustration. "How was your surgery?"

"It was good," Meredith nodded. "Patient lived, I got to perform a majority of it."

"Good," Derek nodded firmly.

"Are you still jealous?" Meredith giggled.

"You know you really shouldn't be mean to a man who's destroying his manhood for you," Derek offered.

"Don't be dramatic," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And if you don't want to do it, that's fine."

"Really?"

"Sure," Meredith smiled. "Just don't expect to ever have sex again."

Derek rolled his eyes. "Mean," he sighed.

"Are you going to tell me why you're stalking me yet?" Meredith asked.

"I got a severing of the spinal cord, creeping paralysis," Derek offered. "Would you like to scrub in?"

Meredith smiled slightly as she glanced down at her watch. "You're going to be here late?" she asked.

"Probably," Derek sighed. "You can have in if you want."

"I can't," Meredith said. "Someone has to pick the kids up from the day care."

"Oh," Derek nodded slowly. "I…are you okay with leaving early?"

"I was supposed to be gone an hour ago," Meredith said. "And it's fine, I'm not supposed to be scrubbing in anyways."

"Okay," Derek looked at her carefully. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Meredith smiled as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "I'll have the kids in bed by the time you get home."

"Hmmm," Derek smiled as he squeezed her waist. "That sounds promising."

Meredith giggled as she lifted her lips to his ear. "Good luck on your surgery, Dr. Shepherd," she purred.

"Mer," he groaned.

"I'll see you when you get home," she giggled as she pulled away, squeezing his hand before she headed towards the locker room.

She changed quickly, smiling at the pictures of the kids that she had put up in her locker that morning. She missed her kids more than she thought possible, and she couldn't wait to pick them up from day care to hug them and giggle with them on the way home while she made dinner. She'd spent all day worrying about them, hoping that Carrie was adjusting well to day care and that Dan was still getting along with her. Even during surgery, when she had formerly been able to shut everything out of her mind while operating, she had suddenly forgotten whether she'd remembered to put Katie's juice box in her snack that morning, and had spent the rest of the morning wondering about it.

She smiled as she made her way down to the locker room, knowing that she had some thinking to do as she made her way towards the elevators. Derek was going to kill her if she really decided to quit being a doctor, but she knew eventually he would come around.

She had loved being a working mom for the past few years, but she anymore she could do this anymore.


	87. Chapter 87

Something was wrong with Meredith.

As Derek shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat of his car, he tried to ignore the soreness between his legs as he focused on how quiet his wife was, on how quiet she had been for the past week.

"You feeling okay?" she murmured, feeling his eyes on her. He was still groggy from the anesthesia, but he could still tell something was bothering her. She'd been off all week, and he wanted to know why.

"Sore," he sighed. The vasectomy hadn't been as bad as he'd thought it was going to be, but that didn't mean he would want to repeat the experience ever again. Right now all he wanted to know was what was going on with his wife, why she'd been completely silent since she'd returned to work.

"I'm sorry," she said genuinely.

"It's okay," he sighed. "Makes the most sense for birth control since we're not having anymore."

Meredith didn't respond, and he sighed as he rested his head against the window. He hated when she morphed into dark and twisty Meredith. "Mer," he said. "Are you dark and twisty right now?"

She remained silent, and he frowned as she turned the car around, driving the familiar path towards their spot over the ferryboats instead of their house. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"We need to talk," she said simply as she parked the car, staring out at the water for a moment before she turned to him with tear filled eyes. She looked so much like Katie when she was afraid, and it broke his heart.

"Mer," he breathed, reaching for her hand. "What's wrong? Talk to me, you know you can tell me anything."

"I can't do it anymore, Derek," she whispered, her free hand moving rapidly to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

"Can't do what?" he frowned, reaching into the backseat for a box of tissues, pulling one out and wiping her eyes. "Talk to me."

"Be a working mom," she whispered. "It's too hard, Derek, I don't want to do it anymore."

"Oh," Derek breathed. "Mer…you've been a working mom since Katie was born. It was working well."

"I know," she gasped, a sob wracking her shoulders. "I know, but I just…I can't do it, Derek."

"Okay, calm down," Derek sighed, rubbing her back gently. "It's okay, just calm down and we'll talk about this."

"I can't," Meredith gasped. "I don't…" Her shoulders heaved with sobs, and Derek rubbed her back gently as he whispered soothing words in her ear, trying to comfort her until she was calm enough to talk.

It was a solid fifteen minutes before her sobs calmed down, but they were both stayed silent as she squeezed his hand tightly. "Are you still sore?" she whispered after a long moment.

"A little," Derek murmured. "Why?"

"If I'm careful," she whispered, staring down at the console separating their seats. "Can I… can I sit in your lap?"

"Oh Mer," he breathed, tugging her hand to help her climb over the gear shift. "Of course."

She breathed deeply as she settled herself in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his neck, getting as close to him as possible. He smiled as he kissed the top of her head, holding her tightly for a moment before he whispered, "Are you ready to talk yet?"

She took a deep breath before she pulled back looking into his eyes as she reached up to run her fingers through his hair. "I don't…I hate working, Derek," she whispered softly, her voice vulnerable.

"Okay," he said softly. "But…do you really want to stop working? Become a stay at home mom?"

"I'm sure," she nodded. "I can't…even when I'm in the OR, all I can think about is whether Dan's had his nap time in daycare or if Carrie is adjusting to daycare okay. Those things should disappear in the OR, but they don't. And I…I miss them. I miss them so much when I'm at work."

"I miss them too, Mer," he whispered. "I just…I want to make sure that you're not going to stop working and in a few weeks realize that you're going crazy being at home with them."

"I'm sure," she nodded. "And I'm sorry, Derek. Because I know that you like working with me, and I do love being a doctor. I do, but right now I want to be a mom more than a doctor."

Derek was silent for a moment as he rocked her back and forth. "Mer, this isn't worth getting upset over," he murmured.

"It is!" she cried. "It is, because it's my career, but it's my family, and I have no idea how to do it at the same time. Katie was easy because it was just her, but now we have to worry about preschool and potty training, and Carrie's still breastfeeding, and I just…I'm so overwhelmed."

"Okay," Derek nodded slowly. "Mer…is this about you wanting to stop working or is it about you being scared to be a good mom?"

Meredith swallowed hard as she wiped her eyes. "Sometimes I hate that you know me better than I know myself," she laughed slightly.

"So it is about your abilities as a mom," Derek said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Mer, you're a fantastic mother. Our kids adore you, you're well on your way to outdoing my mom in the best mother ever category. I couldn't have asked for a better mother for my kids."

"I know I'm a good mom," she nodded. "And I love it. I love being a doctor too, and I know I'm a good surgeon. But I just…I don't know how to be the best at both. I don't know if I can."

"You can do it, Mer," he encouraged. "I know you can. You're a great doctor, an even better mom."

"But how?" Meredith asked. "I don't…I have no idea how to be the best surgeon I can while making sure my kids have the best mom ever. I don't want to put them on the back burner."

"I don't know, Mer," he sighed. "For me…I love being a dad. You and the kids, you're my entire world. But I can still focus on my job, I can make sure that I'm not distracted in the OR. It was hard, when I first went back to work. You've only been back for a week, Mer, you might want to give it a little more time. Try it out for a little longer, then make a better decision."

"I knew you would be mad," Meredith sighed, pulling away from him. "I'm sorry, Derek."

"What?" Derek frowned, holding her close to him. "I'm not mad. Why would I be mad at you?"

"You don't want me to stay home," she stated.

"I think you'll regret staying home," Derek said softly. "I know it sounds appealing, there are days when I don't want to leave the house and would rather stay home to be with the kids. But when it comes down to it, I'm a surgeon. I could never leave that, it's in my blood. And it's in yours."

"Because of my mother," Meredith said flatly.

"No, because of you," Derek said, squeezing her tightly. "Because of your compassion for the patients and your talents in the OR. Meredith, you're an amazing surgeon, and I would hate for you to regret giving that up."

"But I'm not giving it up forever," she whispered, and he could hear the hesitation creeping into her voice.

"Mer…put everything else aside," Derek said softly. "It's just me, your husband who will love you no matter what. Just close your eyes and think…do you really want to be a forty five year old resident?"

"I…no," Meredith breathed. "I don't."

"Okay," Derek sighed. "We'll talk to Owen and figure something out. Maybe you can work part time or something."

"A part time surgeon?" Meredith raised her eyebrows. "I don't know if that even exists. No one does it."

"So we'll figure something out," Derek said. "He's our friend, he loves our kids. He'll make sure that we get everything we need."

"I'm not the only mother in the hospital, Derek," she pointed out. "Other moms can do both."

"I know," Derek sighed. "Maybe you can talk to Dr. Bailey. She's a mom and one of the best doctors in the hospital."

"But…" Meredith bit her lower lip and he could tell she was thinking hard about something.

"What, Mer?" he asked gently.

"Bailey…she's a good doctor and a really great teacher," she began. "But…I don't… she's never home. Her husband's the one raising their son pretty much all by himself. I don't want that to happen."

"Okay," Derek nodded, squeezing her tightly. "We'll figure this out. I know we can do it."

"You're sure you're not mad?" she asked.

"I'm sure," Derek nodded, kissing her temple. "Although…I wouldn't mind getting into bed and not moving for the next week."

Meredith giggled as she shifted on his lap. "Still sore?" she asked softly as she looked down at his lap.

"Getting sorer," he sighed.

"We'll go home," she nodded, climbing back into the driver's seat. "And you get into bed, nap with Carrie."

"That sounds amazing," Derek sighed, a grimace coming over his face as he shifted, trying to rid himself of the pain.

"Good," Meredith sighed, putting the car back in park and heading towards their house. She was still quiet as she drove, but this time it wasn't the same ominous quiet that she'd been when they'd first been driving. They were home quickly, and after a moment of anticipating the pain, Derek pulled himself out of the car and towards the stairs of the porch.

"Don't be a baby," Meredith rolled her eyes. "It's not that big a deal, Derek, you'll be back to normal by tomorrow."

"It still hurts," Derek sighed as he climbed the stairs slowly, an expression of pain coming over his face.

"Yeah and it hurt when I was in labor for thirty five hours with your youngest daughter," Meredith pointed out as she opened the door.

"Daddy!" Katie cried, charging down the hall towards them. "Daddy, I'm so excited that you're home!"

"Whoa, slow down there speed demon," Meredith smiled as she swept her daughter into her arms. "Daddy's not feeling well, he's not up to playing right now, okay? Maybe you can help him feel better?"

"Daddy sick?" Katie frowned.

"Just a little sore, princess," Derek smiled. "But you know what, I could really use a nap. Want to come sleep in the big bed?"

"No nap," Katie frowned.

"Okay," Derek smiled at Alex as he came out of the kitchen, Carrie in his arms. "I guess I'll take a nap with my other little princess."

Katie frowned as she watched Derek reach for Carrie. "No Daddy," she said. "I nap with you."

"Oh now you'll nap?" Derek laughed, kissing the top of Carrie's head softly. "What a good little princess."

"I go now!" Katie announced, wiggling out of Meredith's arms and heading towards thee stairs.

"Walk!" Meredith called after her before she turned to Alex. "Thanks for watching them today. We didn't want to have to deal with them after Derek's…thing. He's not exactly up to herding three kids into the car."

"No problem," Alex winced slightly. "Hope you feel better, Shepherd. Hang in there, man."

"Thanks," Derek sighed, looking up at the stairs with a frown. "I'm up…going to try this."

"You'll be fine," Meredith assured him, reaching for Carrie. "Where's Dan?" she asked.

"Napping," Alex said. "You might want to keep an eye on him, he was a little listless, and I think he might have been a little warm."

A concerned expression came over Meredith's face as she cradled Carrie close to her. "Thanks, Alex," she said with a smile.

"No problem," Alex smiled as he reached for his coat. "Your kids are actually pretty fun."

"You want to stick around?" Meredith asked. "We don't really get much time to hang out anymore."

"I'd love to, but I have a date with Addison," Alex said. "We're talking to a realtor and then going out to dinner."

"Oh," Meredith giggled. "Well, have fun with her. I'll see you at the hospital tomorrow?"

"Bright and early," Alex sighed, reaching for the door. "See you later, Mer. Good luck with Shepherd."

Meredith smiled as she closed the door behind him, looking down at Carrie. "Hi sweetheart," she smiled. "Did you have fun with Uncle Alex? He's pretty funny, isn't he?"

Carrie smiled in response and Meredith sighed as she headed towards the stairs. "Let's go take care of Daddy," she said. She pushed through the door to the bedroom and smiled as she saw Derek laying in their bed, Katie cuddled in his arms, already sleeping soundly. "Hey," she whispered. "How are you feeling? Do you want me to get you anything?"

"Okay," Derek sighed.

"Do you need anything?" Meredith asked. "Tylenol or an ice pack? Anything to eat or drink?"

Derek winced. "No ice," he said. "But maybe…some of the painkillers left over from my accident?"

"You don't need vicodin," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I'll get you some extra strength Tylenol."

"Thanks," Derek sighed, running his fingers through Katie's soft hair. "I'm not going to move for the rest of the night."

Meredith returned a few minutes later, sliding into bed beside him and resting Carrie on her chest.

"Dan's still sleeping?" Derek asked.

"Yeah, Alex says we should keep an eye on him," Meredith said. "He noticed that he was warm earlier."

"We'll definitely keep an eye on him," Derek sighed. "Are you okay? You seem calmer."

"I'm fine, Derek," she promised. "I'm the one that's supposed to be taking care of you right now."

"We take care of each other," Derek smiled. "It was on the post it. Or…by extension it was."

"Until we're smelly and senile," she nodded. "But…don't worry about me. We'll figure the working thing out, just like you said."

"I just want you to be happy, Mer," he murmured. "I can't…I don't know that you would be truly happy if you were staying at home all the time, just being a mom and not being a doctor."

"Part time would be good," she nodded. "I just…it's not really fair. If I'm only on scheduled surgeries and not on call. It's not fair to the other doctors."

"We'll talk to Owen," he said. "And we'll make sure that we're never on call on the same night."

"We can do it," Meredith breathed. "After everything we've been through…we can figure out how I can work part time."

"We can," Derek nodded. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered.

"Daddy," Katie whined from his chest. "Stop talking. You're too loud, it's too stracting."

"Sorry sweetie," Derek laughed slightly. "We'll be quiet so you can go back to sleep again."

"Not sleeping," she shook her head, her curls tickling his chin. "Resting eyes."

"Oh, okay," Derek nodded. "Get back to resting your eyes."

"I'm going to go check on Dan," Meredith whispered, pulling herself out of bed. "I'll be right back."

"Okay," Derek smiled, squeezing her hand before she moved out of the room, stopping in the nursery to place Carrie in her crib before she quietly made her way into Dan's room and sitting down on the edge of his bed. She frowned as she ran her hand over his forehead, recognizing a definite increase in the temperature of his skin. It was probably just a cold that would go away in the next couple days, but she knew he would be cranky until he felt better. Which meant she would have a newborn, a sick toddler, a busy four year old, and a sore husband to take care of for the next couple days. It would be a tiring few days, but she knew she could do it. And she would enjoy it, because this was her family.

"I love you, Danny boy," she whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to his warm forehead. "I'll be in my room, just shout for me if you need me, okay?"

She smiled as she looked down at him, the tiny face that she knew her husband must have looked like forty years ago. She loved her family more than anything, but she loved her job too.

Derek wanted her to keep working part time and as she smiled down at her son, she couldn't help but think that maybe she really could do this.


	88. Chapter 88

"Hey buddy," Derek sighed as he walked into Dan's room the next afternoon where his son was crying for him. "You're not interested in a nap today, are you? It's okay, I know being sick is no fun."

"Daddy," Dan whined miserably as he rested his head against Derek's shoulder, sniffling loudly.

"I know, bud," Derek sighed as he carried Dan down the hall towards his own bedroom. "Daddy's not feeling that well either. How about we be miserable together? We'll hang out in the big bed."

Meredith was at work, Katie on a play date and Carrie sleeping peacefully in her bassinet beside his and Meredith's bed. Meredith had been reluctant to leave a sick Dan home with him while he was still moving a little slower than usual, but Derek had pushed her to leave. He knew she hated leaving their kids, especially when they were sick, but he had taken the day off to recover, and there was no point in her staying home when he could nurse Dan through a cold himself. He hadn't been expecting Meredith to completely freak out on him the day before and although the timing could have been better-he would have preferred to not have his soreness distracting him from comforting his wife-he had been more than happy to help her calm down and assure her that they would come up with a conclusion that would work for both of them, as well as being best for their children.

He smiled as he heard the door open downstairs, followed by Meredith's soft footsteps on the stairs. He was pleased to see a smile gracing her lips as she eased the door to their bedroom open, and he offered her a warm smile of his own as she made her way towards the bed.

"How's my favorite man feeling?" she asked as she pulled Dan out of her arms and pressed her lips against his forehead, feeling for a temperature as her lips lingered for a moment.

"I'm still a little sore, but I think I'll be up for some grown up play time by tonight," Derek said.

"Not you," she rolled her eyes as she looked down at her son. "His fever's down from this morning."

"He's still miserable," Derek sighed, pulling her onto the bed and pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "He'll be better in the morning. How was your day? Was work any better?"

"Great," she smiled. "Really really great."

"Good," Derek said. "Did you talk to Owen?"

"I did," she nodded. "And…I figured it out. The answer to the work problem or whatever."

"Good," Derek smiled, squeezing her hand. "You worked out a part time schedule with him?"

"Better," Meredith giggled, practically bouncing in place. "Private practice. It's perfect!"

"What?" Derek frowned.

"I'm going to find a private practice to finish my residency in," Meredith said. "There are a lot better hours, and eventually I could become partner. The money's better too, not that we really have to worry about that, but well, more money is better than less money, right?"

"Private practice," Derek stated flatly, looking down at Dan as he slept quietly against his chest.

"Yeah," Meredith smiled. "Isn't it perfect? I mean, Owen kind of said it without realizing he said it, and then he tried to counter because he didn't want to lost me at the hospital, but it's the perfect idea, right?"

"I um…" Derek sighed as he glanced down at Dan. "I'm going to put him back in his bed."

"Derek," Meredith frowned as she watched him head towards the door with Dan curled up against his chest. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just going to put him in his bed," he repeated. "We'll talk in a minute, I just…he should go to bed."

He could see Meredith frown as she flopped back against the pillows, and he sighed as he carried Dan down the hall. He could tell that she was excited about having better hours and more benefits, but she had never worked in a private practice. He had, and he could remember the extra paperwork and the loneliness he had felt in the private practice life. Addison too. They'd done their residencies together at New York General, and the second that she had the chance, she had moved into a private practice, advising him very strongly to do the same. And then she'd turned into…well, the Addison that he couldn't stand and had slept with his best friend. He wasn't sure how to tell Meredith that he wasn't sure that she understood what it was like to work in a private practice, how much more demanding it was.

"Hey," he said softly as he saw her closing the door to the nursery. "Carrie okay?"

"Yeah, I just put her in her room," Meredith said softly. "I have a feeling that we're about to fight and I didn't want to wake you, so…"

"Meredith, I don't want to fight," he said softly, reaching for her hand. "I hate fighting with you, you know that."

"But you don't want me to leave the hospital," Meredith stated as she closed the door to their room behind her.

"No," Derek sighed. "I don't."

"Okay, this is getting a little ridiculous," she said. "First you told me that you wanted me to figure out a way to keep working and then when I figure it out, you tell me I can't do it?"

"I just don't think that you really understand what working in a private practice entails," Derek said.

"What?" Meredith asked. "Better hours? More money? A more solid schedule to base around the lives of our kids? What's wrong with that, tell me. Because I think I'm doing what's right for our family."

"Those things are great but…" Derek sighed as he collapsed on the bed and looked down at his hands. "There's a lot more paperwork, a greater chance to be sued for malpractice. At the hospital you have a chief to deal with all the legal and logistical aspects of being a doctor."

"So you're saying I can't do that?" Meredith demanded. "I'm not incompetent, Derek! I can do all of that!"

"No, of course I don't think you're incompetent," Derek sighed. "You're capable of anything you can put your mind to, Mer. But…I don't know if you really understand what you're saying."

"I do know," she insisted. "Do you think that I would make a decision like this without researching it? Do you really think that I would just come home from work and tell you that I was switching jobs without a care in the world? I know what it entails. And I want to do it. Are you going to tell me why you're so angry about that? You worked in a private practice for years!"

"Because I don't want you to turn into Addison!" he shouted, his voice echoing in the silence that fell over the room.

The room fell silent for a long moment as a stunned expression came over Meredith's face. That obviously hadn't been what she had been expecting him to say. He took in a shaky breath as he buried his face in his hands, trying to figure out how to deal with the rest of the conversation. After a moment, he felt the mattress sink beside him and then Meredith's arm wrapped tightly around his neck. She leaned her head against his shoulder for a moment before she whispered softly, "Why do you think I would turn into Addison?"

Derek inhaled a shaky breath, allowing himself to remember the way he had felt during med school, when he and Addison had truly been in love. It was twenty years ago and felt like another life time ago, but during the rare times he allowed himself to remember what those early years were like, it always brought a smile to his face. They had been so happy and in love.

"When I first started dating Addison," he said with a shaky breath. "She was…amazing. I never felt for her the way I feel for you, but God, I loved her. She was so excited about life, about being a doctor and helping people. She just had so much zest and this amazing sense of adventure that I needed in my life. She never depended on me, which was refreshing. Since my dad died, I was the man of the house to the girls, and it was nice to just have fun, to not be depended on."

"You were in love," Meredith smiled softly.

"We were," he nodded. "So I asked her to marry me, and we had a wedding that was much to big for my standards, but still…I didn't care. Because I thought I was marrying the love of my life. We started our residencies at New York General, and the first couple years were amazing. We worked a lot, but when we weren't, we could do things together. Walking through Central Park, or we would go over to Long Island and I could fish while she sunbathed. It was wonderful."

"But," Meredith prompted gently.

"We were in our fourth year of residency," Derek said. "It was a Monday night, and I had just finished my first solo neuro surgery. I came home on such a high, I was so excited to celebrate with her. And I came home, and she was going on and on about how this position in her uncle's practice had opened up and she was taking the position, not even willing to discuss it."

"Were you mad?" Meredith asked.

"No," Derek shook his head. "If anything, I was upset that I wouldn't be working with her at the hospital anymore. But then she told me that she'd found a neuro practice that was looking for a new partner, and she'd sent in my resume. 'It's better money.' I remember her saying that so clearly, and I didn't question it. I should have, but I didn't. But I never thought that should be the incentive to be a doctor. It should be to help people."

"Is that when things went bad?" Meredith asked.

"We'd only been married for five years," Derek sighed. "And well…things happened slowly. I don't think I noticed them at first. But she replaced all of our comfortable furniture with stuff from a catalog. Her jeans and sweaters were replaced with pantsuits and Prada shoes. She wanted a house in the Hamptons, we went to the theater at least once a month. And I never questioned it, because that was how doctors lived. And then one day I realized that we were trapped. I honestly don't know when it happened, but I threw myself into work, hoping that it would distract me from my failing marriage and the fact that my wife didn't want kids."

"And you didn't want to walk away from her," Meredith sighed, and he could hear the pain in her voice. She was reliving the brief time when he'd tried to be a good husband to Addison in Seattle.

"I couldn't," Derek inhaled sharply. "Because divorce…I had admitting when I fail, Mer, you know that. And part of me deep down thought that we could work things out. It's scary, thinking that I might not spend the rest of my life with the woman that I had promised to love forever. But then…" he choked up slightly, recalling that rainy night when he had caught his best friend making love to his wife, the way Addison had called out Mark's name in desperate need.

"Then you caught Mark and Addison," Meredith supplied, as if realizing that he couldn't for the words.

"And then I caught Mark and Addison," Derek said. "Something inside me snapped that night. I was trying…I don't know, I was trying to figure out how we could work things out and then I walked into my bedroom, seeing my wife underneath my best friend. The way she moaned his name…God, I don't think I'll ever forget how that made my heart break."

"Oh, Derek," she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek in an attempt to comfort him in any way she could.

"You know the rest of the story," he sighed. He'd never shared the story of his first marriage with her, but now he felt strangely relieved. Like he was even closer to her now, which he would never have thought possible. He'd always thought that Meredith knew everything about him, but apparently he still had secrets, buried deep down and waiting for her to discover.

"I do," Meredith nodded, resting her chin on his shoulder. "But…I'm not going to sleep with Mark just because I want to switch to a private practice. I'm never going to want to sleep with Mark."

"I know," Derek laughed slightly. "I trust you with all my heart, Mer, and that's not my point. I know that it wasn't just the fact that Addison went into private practice that our marriage ended. And now I'm glad that it ended, because I'm not supposed to be with her. But at the time, it was painful."

"I remember," Meredith said softly. "I was so angry at you for not just signing the papers like you said you would. But now…now I understand how hard it must have been. There was a time where you really love her."

"I did," Derek sighed. "With Addison it was never like we are. But we were happy. And now…I guess I'm afraid that those things will happen again. Not exactly like that but…I've almost lost you too many times, Mer. With Addison and the bomb and the ferry boat, and then last year. I can't do that, Meredith. Losing you would kill me, it really would."

"You won't lose me," she promised, lifting her head from his shoulder and turning his face to look deep into his eyes. "Derek, Addison chose to become part of a private practice for the money, for the status. And I'm doing it so I can have more time for you and for our kids. If that means more time doing paperwork and less time in the OR… fine. You were right when you said I would miss it. I do love being a doctor, and I don't think that I could be a stay at home mom. But I already called a neuro practice in the city, and apparently my reputation precedes me."

"Really?" Derek asked, looking at her curiously.

"Mmmhmm," Meredith nodded, a slow smile spreading across her face. "Apparently they know the true story about the Shepherd method, and were impressed that I thought of it."

Derek laughed as he pulled her into his arms. "You know the real reason I didn't call it the Shepherd Grey method?" he asked.

"Why?" she asked, cuddling into his arms.

"Because I knew that eventually Shepherd would cover both of us," Derek whispered into her hair.

"That's sweet," Meredith sighed. "But it still doesn't change the fact that you never gave me credit."

"I gave you a kidney," Derek laughed, looking over to the top of the bookshelf in the corner of the room where the precious kidney still sat.

"And I love the kidney," Meredith sighed as she pulled back to look at him. "I love you, Derek. I promise I'm not going to make our family move to a high rise apartment in the city and make you go to cocktail parties every weekend."

"I love you too," he murmured, kissing her softly. "I'm sorry if I got upset, I just can't lose you. And private practice life isn't easy."

"I like challenges," Meredith said. "You know that. And I…I have an interview next week. I don't even know if I'll get the spot."

"You will," Derek sighed. "You're quickly becoming one of the best, Mer."

"Well, I do have both the Grey and the Shepherd names working for me," she giggled as she wrapped her arms around him, pushing him onto his back and straddling his waist. "Are you sure you're okay with me doing this?"

Derek looked at her closely for a moment before he asked, "You're sure that you're doing this for the family? And you're okay with the differences from the hospital?"

"I'm sure," she nodded firmly.

"And it will make you happy?" Derek murmured.

"It will," she nodded.

"Then I'm definitely okay with it," Derek said, running his hands over her hips. "I just want you to be happy, Mer."

"Hmm," she smiled as she leaned down to kiss him passionately. "I am very happy."

"Good," Derek pulled back, a slight grimace on his face. "And Mer, as much as I'd love sex right now…I'm thinking that it's not such a good idea."

"Oh my God," she gasped as she jumped off of him, her eyes moving to his pants. "Derek, I'm sorry, I forgot..."

"It's okay," he breathed. "It's not that bad right now, but…definitely no sex."

"Is it swollen?" Meredith asked, reaching for his belt. "Let me look at it."

"Mer," he groaned as she pulled his swollen penis out of his boxers. "That's not exactly helping."

"Sorry," she breathed, biting her lower lip as she examined him closely. "It's really swollen, Derek."

"And I think that has more to do with the fact that you're touching in than the surgery," Derek groaned.

"Okay," Meredith sighed, resituating him and pulling back. "Are you sure you don't want some ice?"

"No ice," he shook his head firmly.

"Stubborn," Meredith rolled her eyes as she slid off of the bed.

"Ice…painful," Derek sighed.

"And you're not in pain right now?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"They cut off part of my penis, Mer," Derek stated. "And now we can't have sex."

"Hmmm," Meredith said, looking closely at him for a moment before she slowly reached down to the hem of her shirt, drawing it up over her head and tossing it to him before she turned in a slow circle, giving him perfect access to the way her jeans hugged her ass.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"We can't have sex," she smiled. "But that doesn't mean we can't play."

"Play?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Mmmhmm," Meredith nodded, snapping the button on her jeans and slowly revealing a pair of lacy black underwear before she rested the jeans on her hips again, swaying her hips gently.

"Stripping?" Derek asked, panting slightly. His wife was hot.

"Stripping," she nodded. "Is this a fantasy of yours, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Definitely," Derek groaned, throwing his head back against the pillows.

"Good to know," Meredith smiled, snapping her bra off and throwing it to the floor. "Maybe for your birthday…I'll really strip for you."

"I…" words failed Derek as he took in the way his wife's beautiful body moved in the soft light of their bedroom. "God, you're beautiful."

"You like?" Meredith asked, slipping her jeans down over her hips and revealing a pair of lacy black panties that he had never seen before.

"Love," Derek corrected, panting for breath slightly.

"Love it?" she giggled, stepping out of her panties and reaching to turn on the stereo on the dresser. Her giggles filled the air as she continued to dance seductively throughout the room.

Derek watched in rapt interest as she moved through the room, not even that upset at the fact that he couldn't have sex with his amazing wife. In this moment, all that mattered was the fact that she had let go of everything she had been worrying about recently, and was just being herself. Meredith was happy, and that was all that mattered.


	89. Chapter 89

"Thank you for meeting with us, Dr. Shepherd," Dr. Solomon, her new boss or partner or something, smiled from across the desk in the intricately furnished office of the best neurology practice in Seattle.

"Thank you," she smiled as she stood, smoothing the skirt of the business suit she hadn't worn since her interview for her internship at Grace. It was a miracle that she still fit into it eight years and three kids later.

"We're looking forward to having you as apart of our team," Dr. Solomon continued. "And I know what it's like to have young kids dominating your life, so we'll do our best to figure out a schedule that works best for all of us. We're excited to have you working with us, so we'll do everything we can to make it easy for you to be a surgeon and a mom."

"Thank you so much, Dr. Solomon," she repeated, reaching to shake her hand with a smile.

"Jill," she corrected with a smile. "We are co workers now, that requires a first name relationship."

"Yes, I guess we are," Meredith breathed. "It doesn't really seem real yet, I didn't think it would happen this quickly."

"Well, we've got some interesting cases coming in," Jill said as she opened the door to her office and walked Meredith back to the waiting room. "And tell that husband of yours that anytime he misses the private practice life, there's a position for him here at any time."

"I'll tell him," Meredith promised. "Although I think he likes the excitement of working in the hospital."

"To each his own," Jill smiled. "I'll see you next Monday, Meredith. We're all very excited to have you on board."

"I'm looking forward to it," Meredith said. "Thanks again, I'll see you next Monday morning."

As she walked out of the office into the rare Seattle sunshine, she felt…calmer somehow. She hadn't realized how much she'd wanted this job until she'd awoken that morning completely terrified of the interview. Derek had practically had to drag her out of bed and force her out of the house to get there on time, but now here she was, part of a private practice that was completely willing to work with her schedule and make sure she had enough time with her children and husband.

As she opened the door to her car, she paused to look at the sign beside the door of the office. Solomon, Allen, and Watkins. Pretty soon that sign would boast the Shepherd name too. And for once, when people read the name Shepherd they wouldn't be referred to Derek Shepherd neurology god or Kathleen Shepherd Jones, the best psychologist on the east coast. They would be referred to her, Meredith Grey Shepherd, newest member of the best neurology clinic in Seattle.

It was completely surreal.

She was almost giddy as she maneuvered the car through the streets of Seattle, pulling into the parking spot beside Derek's and smiling as she thought of the fact that she wasn't going to have to come back here often anymore. Part of her was sad about that fact; this was where she had really gotten to know Derek and fallen in love with him, where her kids had been born, where she had spent countless hours with Christina and Alex complaining about residency. Where she had spent hundreds of lunches giggling at George's awkwardness and where she had watched Izzie plan her non wedding to Derek and where they'd gotten engaged.

But the good memories paled in comparison to the bad ones, and as she sat in her car, staring up at Seattle Grace Hospital, all she could think about was how much she hated that building. Where she'd found out that Derek was picking Addison. Where she'd first found out about Addison. Where she'd held a live bomb and nearly died. Where she actually had died for a few minutes. Where she'd had dirty, slutty, exam room sex with her married boss. Where her mother and two of her best friends had died. There were more reasons to think about why she hated this building, but right now she didn't have to think about it.

Right now, she was going to quit.

With a new determination in her step, she strode through the sliding doors, bypassing the elevators to run up the stairs to Owen's office. She didn't slow down at all as she pushed the door open, her mouth ready to form the words to inform Owen that she no longer worked for him when she saw her best friend, lying exposed on the desk as her back arched in pleasure, Owen hovering over her.

"Oh my God," Meredith stated, unable to tear her eyes away from the image before her that she knew would weigh heavily in her mind.

"Oh my God," Christina echoed, fumbling for something to cover her naked body with, finally finding her lab coat.

"Hey, what's…oh my God!" Derek's voice chimed in from behind her, and she felt him pull her out of the room. "What the hell was that?" he asked. "I think I'm going to have to have my brain erased."

"Don't ask me, I was just going in to tell Owen that I'm quitting," Meredith replied, trying to shake the image out of her head.

"You're quitting?" Christina asked as she flung the door open, clad in only her scrub pants and a bra.

"You got the job?" Derek asked, excitement written over his face. "They already told you?"

"I got the job," she giggled as she threw herself into his arms, hugging him tightly as he lifted her off the ground.

"What job?" Christina asked.

"Christina, put some clothes on," Owen demanded as he appeared behind her, his face bright red. "Sorry, Derek, Meredith."

"It's okay," Meredith giggled from Derek's arms, her head resting against his chest, his arm still wrapped tightly around her.

"It's not like we've never done it," Derek added. "Ow," he added as Meredith elbowed him in the stomach.

"What job?" Christina repeated, looking carefully at Meredith. "You interviewed for another job?"

"Oh," Meredith breathed. "I um…I'm switching to a private practice downtown. A neuro practice."

"Private practice?" Christina frowned. "Why would you do that, this is the best surgical program in the country."

"I know," Meredith nodded. "But it's better hours. I can be more flexible, have steadier hours and more time to spend with my kids."

Christina stared at Meredith for a moment before she pushed past them, pulling her scrub shirt on as she moved quickly down the hall.

"Christina!" Owen called after her as he started to follow her, but Meredith shook her head.

"Let me do it," she said, squeezing Derek's hand quickly before she turned and ran after her best friend.

Owen sighed as he turned to look at Derek. "Are we in for another long day?" he asked with raised eyebrows.

Derek sighed, remembering the last fight Christina and Meredith had been in, right after they'd gotten back together and Owen had started at Grace. "We sure are," he said with a grimace.

Owen sighed as he clapped Derek on the shoulder. "So," he said. "How about them Seahawks?"

XXXXX

Meredith found Christina down in the tunnels, already stretched out on a gurney and staring at the ceiling. "Christina," she sighed, staring down at her friend. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" Christina asked. "Meredith, you're moving to a private practice! We're not going to work together anymore!"

"I don't get what the big deal is," Meredith said. "It's not like we actually work together that much anyways. You're cardio, I'm neuro. And I'm not moving to the other side of the country. We're still going to live in the same city, neither of us are moving anywhere."

"And how often do we hang out outside of work?" Christina asked, propping herself up on her elbows and meeting Meredith's gaze head on. Meredith stared back at her best friend, wondering what was wrong with her.

"I…" Meredith stopped, a frown on her face. "We're busy, Christina. We don't always have time."

"You're busy," Christina corrected. "Because you're a mom now. Which I get because Shepherd ruined you. And I understand that you can't go to Joe's after work every night. But you're my person and work…that's when we can actually see each other. Even if it's just lunch or doing paperwork together, we get to hang out. Now when are we ever going to see each other?"

Meredith sighed as she collapsed onto the gurney beside Christina, resting her head against her shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "I know that things have changed since Derek and I got married."

"For you," Christina said. "And I'm happy for you, really Mer. But sometimes I miss it. The nights we had at Joe's, or the way we could always talk to each other about our lives."

"Me too," Meredith smiled. "And you're not the same as you were back then. You just talked. About feelings."

Christina rolled her eyes. "Don't expect that to happen too often," she said, trying to make her face hard again.

"I won't," Meredith giggled. "And we'll still see each other. I'm going to be here a lot for lunch and stuff. Derek's still here, and we're keeping the kids in daycare, so…I'll be around."

"Just not as much," Christina said.

"I'll tell you what," Meredith said. "As soon as Carrie's a little older, I'll leave the kids with Derek and we can go get drunk at Joe's."

"Like old times?" Christina smiled.

"Exactly like old times," Meredith giggled. "I'll even knock back tequila shots like I haven't done since Katie was born."

"Good," Christina said, taking a deep breath before she sat up and hopped off the gurney. "I've got to go do some post ops. Congratulations on the new job."

"Thanks," Meredith smiled, stepping down from the gurney as well, grimacing at the pain that shot through her feet at the high heels.

"You need to change before we start calling you the She-Shepherd," Christina laughed.

Meredith rolled her eyes, trying to ignore Derek's broken voice begging her not to become Addison the week before. "Right," she said, reaching down to slip the shoes off of her aching feet.

"See you," Christina smiled as she darted up the stairs, her pager beeping on her hip.

Meredith smiled as she made her way towards Derek's office. She hadn't really had a chance to tell him about her interview, and she couldn't wait to tell him all about it.

And maybe outdo Christina and Owen. She was definitely on a high from her interview, and if Derek had some time she definitely wouldn't mind some desk sex.

"Hey," he smiled at her as he looked up from the paperwork on his desk. "Did you straighten things out with Christina?"

"Yeah," she smiled, closing the door behind her and locking it quickly. "We're going to start doing nights at Joe's again. Like old times."

"Ah, I'll look forward to that," Derek smiled as she came around to his side of the desk, gently massaging his shoulders. "I love tequila sex."

"Tequila sex, huh?" she smiled, leaning down to nibble gently on his neck. "How about sober sex?"

"Definitely like sober sex," he smiled as he tilted his head to the side, allowing her to have better access to his neck.

"How much time do you have?" she whispered.

"Next surgery's not until three," he murmured.

"Good," she smiled as she spun his chair around to face her, leaning down to kiss him deeply. "Because I want sex."

"Me too," he smiled, reaching to push her jacket over her shoulders.

"Are you sure you're…it's okay?" she asked, pulling back to look down at the bulge in his pants.

"I'm sure," he nodded. "They said to give it a week."

"And it's been a week," Meredith smiled, pulling back from him as she slowly unbuttoned her shirt, then slipping her skirt over her hips.

"Naked," Derek demanded, taking in the sight of her standing before him in her bra and panties. "You should be naked."

"Not until you're naked," she smiled slyly as she pushed his paperwork off of the desk, hopping onto it and crossing her legs as she stared at him expectantly. Derek stared at her for a moment before he stood, quickly stripping out of his scrubs and reaching forward to unhook her bra.

"Derek," she breathed, arching her back into him as he cupped her breast in his hand.

"No touching?" he asked, looking up at her.

"Not yet," she sighed. "A few more weeks."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed as he pushed her gently onto her back, letting his lips trail over the skin of her belly.

"Derek," she gasped, an electric shock running through her as she felt his lips trail over the top of her underwear. "Please…"

"Hmmm," he smiled, hooking his fingers over the sides of her panties, sliding them down and dropping them down to the floor before he moved to rest his head between her thighs.

"Please," she breathed, burying her fingers in his hair. "Derek…"

"You want me?" he asked, his voice husky.

"Yes."

"My tongue?"

"No."

"What do you want?" he murmured, moving to stand in front of her, his erection rubbing along her folds.

"I want you to fuck me hard," she gasped. "Hard and fast."

"I can do that," Derek promised, reaching to grasp her hips as he thrust himself into her.

"Derek," she gasped in pleasure, her head falling back as she felt him move into her.

"Hmmm," he groaned, continuing to thrust into her as he leaned down to litter kisses to the creamy skin of her neck.

She arched her back against him, pleasure filling her to the core as she felt Derek move into her. They hadn't had sex since before Carrie was born, and the pleasure that he was creating in her body was almost too much for her to take. Derek was moving at a steady pace into her, and when he reached between them to stroke her clit, she couldn't control herself anymore.

"Derek!" she screamed, tilting her hips forward to increase her pleasure. "Oh God!"

"You like that?" he growled in her ear, his fingers continuing to stimulate her where their bodies were joined.

"Yes!" she shouted. "Yes, yes! Don't stop, please, don't stop."

Derek's only response was to move his hands to her hips, adjusting the angle so that his penis met her g-spot as he continued to pound into her.

"Derek!" she screamed, everything around her disappearing as she felt Derek worshipping her body with his own. "Right there, yes! Yes!"

She could feel herself starting to come, and she could hear Derek shouting her name with the same desperation he always did before he came. "Meredith," he gasped. "Oh yes, Mer!"

The pleasure that washed over her was more intense than she'd ever felt before, and all she could see was white for a long moment before she felt herself beginning to come down from what had to be the most powerful orgasm she'd ever experienced.

"Meredith," he gasped, leaning into her as she wrapped her arms around his neck, both of them panting heavily. "Oh my God."

"Derek," she breathed, her fingers threading through his sweaty hair. "That was…the best sex ever."

"Just…just when I think we can't get any better," he sighed, pressing his lips to her bare shoulder.

They were quiet for a moment before she giggled slightly.

"What?" he asked.

"I think we probably broke our own record for that one," she said. "With the noise level I mean."

"Good," Derek laughed. "Mark and Lexie gave us some serious competition while you were on maternity leave."

Meredith sighed as she leaned her head against his shoulder, staying still for a long moment before she said, "I should go get the kids."

"Are you going home?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said, hopping off the desk and reaching for the change of clothes she kept in his small closet. "It's a beautiful day out for once. I think I'll take them to the park or something."

"Katie will like that," Derek sighed as he pulled his scrubs back on. "I wish I didn't have surgery."

"We'll see you at home," she promised, pulling her sweater over her head before she leaned in to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled, pulling her in for one last kiss. "Kiss the kids for me."

"I will," she smiled, moving back to the door and giving him one last smile before she stepped into the hall, making her way downstairs to the daycare. She was on a complete high, completely excited about her new job and the fact that she would have so much more time for her kids and her husband. Right now all she wanted was to share that excitement with her family, to play with her kids and celebrate the change in their lives as she looked forward to the next step in her life.

She had a week with her family to enjoy before she started her amazing new job.


	90. Chapter 90

Meredith smiled as she pulled up to her house a week later. It was dark inside, but she knew that Derek probably had some kind of corny surprise planned. The kids had already surprised her with a new stethoscope as a good luck present that morning, and he had sent her off to her first day at her new job with a lingering kiss and a promise that she would do well. And now here she was, home in time for dinner without any emergencies pulling her into surgery at the last minute or any post ops that kept her lingering at the hospital later than planned.

Her first day had gone without a flaw. She'd done two consults on new patients who had come into the practice, one after a fall from a horse back riding incident and the other complaining of splitting headaches that turned out to be an aneurysm that would be taken out later in the week. Cases that paled in comparison to the unique cases that she had seen at Seattle Grace, but this was so much better.

With a wide smile, she grabbed her bag from the passenger seat and moved towards the steps to the porch, smiling as she opened the front door. "Mama!" Dan cried, running out of the kitchen to greet her.

"Hi sweetheart," she smiled, leaning down to pick him up, kissing the top of his head. "How are you?"

"I good," Dan nodded proudly. Before Meredith could respond, Katie came into the hall, a frown on her face.

"Dan, you ruined it!" she shouted.

"I see Mama," Dan replied, wrapping his arms around Meredith's neck and laughing slightly.

"He didn't ruin anything, princess," Meredith assured her daughter. "Where's your daddy?"

"Right here," Derek smiled as he stepped out of the kitchen, Carrie sleeping against his shoulder. "How was your first day?"

"Amazing," Meredith smiled, leaning into him as he pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "Yours?"

"It was good," Derek smiled as he looked down at Katie. "Do you want to take Mommy into the kitchen, sweetie?"

"Yeah," she nodded, reaching for Meredith's hand and pulling her into the kitchen. "We made you dinner, Mommy!"

"You did?" Meredith exclaimed, smiling at Derek as she leaned down to place Dan in his booster seat in front of the kitchen table where a large bowl of spaghetti sat between the plates already set up.

"Yeah!" Katie cried. "Daddy let me stir the sauce, but I had to be real careful cause the stove was hot. And he had to hold me, cause I'm too little to reach the counter, even if I'm on a stool…"

As Katie continued to chatter away, Meredith turned to Derek. "Thank you," she said softly.

"You deserve it," he murmured, wrapping an arm around her. "I'm glad you had a good day."

"It was amazing," Meredith sighed. "And I hope you know that you're going to be bathing your children tonight."

"They had baths last night," Derek frowned.

"You're the one who decided it would be a good idea to give a two year old and a four year old spaghetti," Meredith giggled.

"I wasn't going to give them sauce," Derek defended.

"Good," Meredith smiled as she kissed him softly and reached to take Carrie out of his arms. "Hi hun."

Carrie smiled up at her mother in response and began to grasp at the top of her sweater. "Are you hungry?" Meredith sighed. "Alright, Mommy will feed you before she eats her dinner."

"She actually ate some applesauce today," Derek smiled as he poured some milk into sippy cups.

"I don't understand why she's having so much trouble weaning," Meredith sighed. "Neither Dan or Katie were nearly this fussy about it, I don't know why she hates real food."

"She'll get the hang of it," Derek said confidently. "Alright, Katie bell, it's time for dinner."

"Dinner!" she giggled, climbing onto the chair beside Meredith's. "Mama, are you going to eat dinner?"

"In a few minutes, Katie bug," Meredith said as she looked down at Carrie. "I'm feeding Carrie her dinner."

"Oh," Katie nodded before she held her already full plate out to Derek. "More food Daddy."

"Excuse me?" Derek raised an eyebrow.

"More please?" Katie corrected herself.

"That's better," Derek nodded. "How about you eat that and then you can have some more?"

"Kay," Katie nodded.

"More!" Dan chimed in, laughing as he shoved his fist into his bowl of pasta.

"Definitely your son," Meredith sighed.

"I don't shove my hands in my food," Derek rolled his eyes as he handed Dan a children's fork. "Use this, buddy."

Dan stared at the fork for a moment before he threw it onto the floor and stuck his hands in his bowl again, laughing loudly. Katie giggled as she watched him for a moment before she dropped her silverware to the table as well, sticking her fingers into her own bowl.

Meredith tried to bite back a smile as she lifted Carrie to her shoulder, adjusting her shirt and watching Derek try desperately to convince the kids to use their silverware. When Dan threw a fist full of spaghetti at Derek's head, the noodles getting stuck in his dark strands, she couldn't help giggling at the stunned expression on his face. He clearly hadn't expected that

"Thanks, Mer," he rolled his eyes, trying to pick the strands out of his hair. "Aren't you supposed to help me in situations like this?"

"I'm the fun parent," she giggled, Dan and Katie laughing along with her. Carrie lifted her head from Meredith's shoulder, a smile playing on her lips as she looked at her family for a moment before a loud giggle escaped her own lips, her laughter joining into her siblings'.

"Derek," Meredith breathed, her laughter stopping as she looked down at their daughter who was giggling loudly as Katie leaned over to pile spaghetti on top of Dan's head, making him look even more like Derek.

"She's laughing," Derek smiled, getting out of his chair to kneel beside her chair, pulling Carrie into his arms. "Good job, Carrie. Daddy's proud of you, you inherited Mommy's giggle."

Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over Carrie's blonde waves, smiling at her older kids. "We should probably stop them," she sighed.

"My mom would have another heart attack if she knew that we were letting her grandchildren act like this at dinner," Derek laughed. "They're having fun, but…they should learn some manners."

Meredith sighed as she reached out to intercept Katie's hand that was about to plunge into her bowl. "Enough," she said firmly.

Katie looked up at her mother for a moment with wide, surprised eyes, and when she started to protest Meredith raised her eyebrows. "The more spaghetti you drop on the floor, the more you're going to be eating off of the floor," she said. "And I don't think you want that."

"Mama," Dan frowned.

"I know you were having fun," she said softly. "But now it's time to eat. You don't want to go to bed hungry, do you?"

"No," Katie and Dan said in unison.

"So how about we eat dinner now and play later?" Meredith suggested. "No more playing with food."

"Kay," Katie sighed, reaching for her fork and shoving a large bite of pasta into her mouth.

"You're a miracle worker," Derek murmured as he placed Carrie in the playpen beside his chair, returning to his own meal.

"Just a mom," Meredith shrugged as she reached for a piece of garlic bread, breaking it in half as she smiled at him.

Derek smiled at her across the table, his eyes holding hers for a long moment. "An amazing mom," he agreed softly, and she could feel herself blushing as she looked down at her plate. Sometimes it was hard to believe her life was this perfect, that she was a happy mom and wife that she never thought she would be able to be ten years ago before she met Derek.

XXXXX

"Derek," she giggled slightly as she leaned over her sleeping husband later that night, her hair tickling his chin.

"No," he groaned. "It's your night to get up with her, I did it last night. And the night before."

"Carrie's not crying," she said, rubbing her scantily clad body against his back. "But you need to wake up."

"No," he sighed, wrapping an arm around her, obviously not processing the change from the cotton t-shirt she'd gone to bed in to the silk that was now covering her body since she'd slipped out of bed ten minutes ago.

"Fine," she sighed dramatically. "But it's almost midnight, and I was going to welcome you into your forty fifth year of life with a blow job, maybe even some sex, but if you're not interested, I guess I'll just go take care of myself downstairs." She moved to get out of bed, giggling when she felt Derek grab her arm and yank her back down to the bed beside him.

"Please," he sighed, rolling onto his back and pulling her to lie on top of him, his hands running over the silky negligee from their wedding night that he had loved so much. She wasn't sure she had ever seen him so turned on as he had that night, and she wanted him to feel that pleasure again tonight.

She smiled as she pressed her lips against his firmly, her hands sliding into his pajama pants and gently pushing them down. "You don't look very excited for your birthday," she observed as she ran her fingers gently over his penis, smiling as it began to harden for her.

"Getting there," Derek smiled down at her. "God, you're amazing. I love being in your mouth."

"What are the chances?" Meredith murmured as she littered kisses around his hip bones and inner thighs. "That we could celebrate my new job and your birthday on the same night?"

"Hmmm," Derek sighed, relaxing into the pillows. "Good night."

"Very good night," she agreed, pulling back slightly to focus on his full erection, already calling for her. "There we are."

"Mer," he sighed as she ran her tongue along the skin of his inner right thigh. "Please."

"Okay," she smiled. "But only because it's your birthday."

"Oh," Derek sighed as he felt her wrap her lips around his tip. "More…"

Meredith moved to take him completely into her mouth, his tip brushing along the back of her throat.

"Mer," he groaned, his hands moving from her hair to the sheets as she scraped her teeth gently over his hardness. "Oh God!"

"Not yet," she breathed as his back arched off the bed.

"Mer," he whimpered as she continued to suck at him. "I can't…"

"Not yet," she repeated firmly, squeezing his balls as she deep throated him one more time.

"Meredith!" he shouted, his body trembling as he panted heavily.

"Hmmm," she smiled as she released him from her mouth, trailing a line of kisses up his body until she reached his lips, settling herself over his throbbing erection as she kissed him passionately. "I want you to come inside of me."

"Yes," he gasped, his hands moving to her hips, hearing the silky fabric rip slightly as he ripped it over her head. "Please, Mer."

"Okay," she smiled, leaning down to nibble gently on his ear. "You are the birthday boy, after all."

"Oh God," he sighed as she lowered herself onto him.

"Derek," she breathed, rocking her hips over his. "God, you're amazing."

"You…you too," he panted, arching his hips up to hers.

"No," she shook her head as she reached up to brace herself against the headboard, tightening herself around him to prevent him from moving.

"Mer," he groaned, sweat building on his forehead.

"This is my treat," she murmured, taking in the way his body was begging for hers. "You don't have to do anything. I'll just ride you."

"Oh God," he gasped. "Please…please, Mer."

She smiled as she released him, beginning to rock her hips hard over his as she gripped the headboard tightly, trying to fight off her own orgasm. This was for Derek, she wanted to thank him for being such an amazing husband and welcome him into his next year of life in a way that he would never forget. This was for Derek, she had to ignore how the feeling of his length pressing her walls apart made her want to come hard, screaming his name as she did so. She had to wait for him to come first, and then she could let herself feel the pleasure she was trying so hard to suppress.

"Meredith!" he moaned, and she could feel him twitching inside of her. "Oh yeah, that's it…"

"Derek," she gasped, feeling him begin to spill into her. "Yes!"

He let out a loud moan, practically roaring her name with an edge to it that she had never heard before. She felt her own orgasm taking over her body as he released into her, an incredible wave of pleasure taking her body as she continued to rock over him and lasting much longer than her orgasms usually did.

"Derek," she breathed as she collapsed on top of him, resting her head against his sweaty shoulder and feeling him shake beneath her, his body still recovering from the power of his orgasm.

"That was…" he panted heavily as he ran his fingers through her hair. "God, Mer, that was incredible."

"I figured you'd like it," she smiled as she lifted her head to press a kiss against his lips. "Happy birthday."

"Thank you," Derek smiled, tightening his arms around her. "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered, settling her head against his chest again, running her fingers over the soft fuzz of his chest hair. "So much. I'm so glad that you got why I had to change jobs."

"I'm glad you like it," Derek murmured, his hands trailing over the skin of her back. After dinner they'd played with the kids for an hour or so, and by the time bath time and bed time were over, it was nearly ten thirty, and the two of them had fallen into bed, too exhausted to really talk about their days.

"It's amazing," she nodded against his chest, reaching for his hand and running her finger over the white gold of his wedding band. "How does it feel to be forty five?"

"Right now," Derek sighed. "Best birthday of my life."

"All that it's consisted of so far is sex," Meredith giggled.

"And I'm completely okay with that," Derek nodded. "And you know…you're turning forty in a couple months."

"Is that supposed to be sexy talk?" she frowned. "Because it's not. At all."

"No," Derek laughed. "I was thinking that I would take you away for the weekend."

Meredith blinked in surprise. Her birthday wasn't until mid-March-Katie's birthday was even before hers. But Derek was already thinking of how to make that day special for her.

"I'd like that," she said softly. "But we'll have to see…Carrie will be crawling by then, maybe even walking."

"It's a long time away," Derek agreed. "We don't have to decide now, but we'll do something special."

"We don't have to," she sighed. "It's not that big a deal."

"Yes it is," Derek said, squeezing her closer. "I have to bide my time with you before you turn into an old lady."

"Not funny," Meredith rolled her eyes. "And don't pretend like you don't have gray hair."

"I do not," he frowned.

"I saw the charge for your last haircut on the credit card," she giggled. "Regular hair cuts don't cost a hundred dollars."

Derek rolled his eyes. "I never had gray hair before I married you," he pointed out.

"Hey, if you're complaining about the sex in the middle of the night, I can definitely make sure they stop," Meredith promised.

"Definitely not," Derek smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I love surprise sex. And any sex."

"Good," Meredith smiled. "Because my present to you is our next full day off…anything you want, we'll do. The kids are going to Mark and Lexie."

"Best present I've ever gotten," Derek sighed. "It's been too long since we did the bendy thing in the shower."

"Yeah, that doesn't exactly work well when I'm pregnant," Meredith agreed.

"But we'll do that," Derek said.

"And I promised you a strip tease."

"Hmmm," Derek sighed. "I love you. This has been the best birthday ever."

"I love you too," she whispered, cuddling closer to him. "And there's more to it. Your birthday, I mean. I want to make sure this one is your best one ever."


	91. Chapter 91

**Hello friends! Sorry this update took so long, but school is back in gear now, so I have less time on my hands. I'm hoping to continue updating this story at least every other day (if not every day), and I hope people are still interested. As always, let me know if there's anything you'd like to see in the story, and enjoy the update :)**

"Dr. Shepherd?"

Derek looked up from his paperwork as one of the new interns lingered uncomfortably in the doorway of his office, looking entirely uncomfortable on his feet. "Dr. Childs," he nodded. "Can I help you?"

"Dr. Sloan wanted me to find you," Dr. Childs said. "The other…the female Dr. Sloan is really upset. He said it was a um…family issue that you need to be there for, it's really urgent."

Derek frowned as he glanced down at his pager, wondering why Mark hadn't simply paged him. "Thank you," he said, getting to his feet. "Where is he?"

"The ICU waiting room," Dr. Childs replied. "He's…I don't think he's working anymore."

Without wasting anymore time, Derek hurried out of his office, making his way quickly towards the ICU ward. Something was wrong, he knew it, and he could only pray that Mark's son was alright. Now that he knew what being a father actually felt like, he knew that he could never handle losing one of his kids.

As soon as he reached the waiting room, he stopped short, seeing Lexie leaning into Mark's embrace, sobbing softly, Molly sitting on her other side and leaning into Eric. They were the only people in the small waiting room, and he knew immediately what had happened. "Mark," he sighed, moving to sit beside his best friend, the man who had been his brother for as long as he could remember. "Is it…"

"Thatcher," Mark replied, hugging Lexie closer to him as she choked on another sob. "They brought him in this morning, he was complaining of chest pains. He coded from an aortic aneurysm before he could even get examined."

"Oh," Derek breathed, falling down onto the chair on the other side of Lexie. "I'm so sorry, Lex."

"You have to go tell Meredith," she whispered, lifting her head from Mark's shoulder. "I tried calling, but her phone's off."

"I'll go down there," Derek sighed, running a comforting hand over her shoulder as she leaned her head against Mark's shoulder again. "Do you need anything?"

"No," Lexie shook her head, squeezing Mark's hand tightly.

"They're doing the harvest right now," Mark said softly. "I don't…you're going to have to get Meredith. Lexie needs here."

Derek sighed as he leaned back into his seat. "I'll talk to Owen, see if I can get the rest of the day off," he said. "Hopefully I'll be able to get to her in the hour."

"Thanks Shep," Mark sighed, turning his attention back to Lexie.

Derek pushed himself out of his chair, moving quickly to Owen's office and trying to prepare how to tell Meredith that her father was dead.

Over the past few years, they had had somewhat frequent interaction with Thatcher Grey. He'd come to visit after Katie had been born, and Meredith had come to terms with the fact that her father wasn't a horrible man, and had started to forgive him. She'd even allowed him to baby sit once when she'd been pregnant with Carrie and desperately needed a day to relax at the spa while Derek was at work. Katie loved her only grandpa, and he knew this would confuse his two oldest kids. But first he had to make sure that he got to Meredith as soon as he could, to break the news to her and offer her whatever comfort he could.

He checked in quickly with Owen, who told him that it was fine for him to leave, and Derek was immediately grateful that he had scheduled two neuron attendings for that day even though there wasn't an overabundance of surgeries. He grabbed his keys and wallet from his office and darted down the stairs, preparing a speech in his mind as he got in his car and drove the short distance to Meredith's office. Over the past three weeks, he'd found the quickest route between the two locations during the many lunch breaks and visits that he had paid to her during the work day.

"Dr. Shepherd!" the receptionist smiled from behind her desk as he stepped into the waiting room. "Did you decide to come here for your consults today?"

Derek looked down and realized that he was still in his lab coat and scrubs. He hadn't even taken the time to change into his street clothes. "No, I'm just here to see Meredith," he said as he moved towards the door. "Is she available?"

"She's in her office. Go ahead in."

"Thanks," Derek said as he hurried down the hall to the back office that his wife had proudly decorated with pictures of their family and drawings that Katie had made for her. "Mer?"

"Hey!" she smiled as she looked up from her computer. "What are you doing here? I thought you were on call tonight, I was just getting ready to pick up the kids and take them out to dinner since you forbid me from turning on the stove."

Derek took in her playful smile and hated the fact that he was about to make her cry. He hated watching her cry, and he hated even more that he had to be the one to tell her that her father had died.

"What's wrong?" she asked, a panicked look taking over her face as she pushed her chair back and carefully walked towards him. "Are you okay? Are the kids okay?"

"The kids are fine," he murmured, taking her hand and guiding her to sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk.

"Derek, you're scaring me," she whispered as he knelt in front of her, resting his hands on her knees. "Something's wrong, just tell me what it is."

"It's your dad," he murmured. "He came into the hospital today complaining of chest pains. Before the doctor was even in the room he coded."

"Coded?" Meredith whispered, fear filling her eyes.

"Aortic aneurysm," Derek said softly. "I'm sorry, Mer. He's gone."

Meredith stared at him blankly for a moment before she reached down to twist her engagement ring around her finger, staring down at her lap.

"Meredith?" he prompted, looking at her closely. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said, taking a deep breath as she lifted her head and looked at him, an obviously fake smile spreading across her face. "I should…Lexie. Lexie's going to need help. With the planning and stuff, so I should help her with that."

Derek frowned as he watched her stand and reach for her coat.

"You ready?" she asked, holding her hand out to him as she pulled her bag over her shoulder.

"Meredith," he frowned, taking her hand but preventing her from moving. "Are you okay?"

"I…" she took a deep breath as she looked at the ceiling. "I will be."

"You can fall apart if you need to," he offered. "Cry, scream…I'll help you through this."

"I know," she smiled softly at him. "But you being here…it helps."

Derek looked at her carefully for a moment before he nodded, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Okay," he said. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Thank you," she whispered.

"Lexie's at the hospital," Derek said. "Molly too. They were performing the harvest when I left."

"Oh," Meredith breathed, swallowing hard as he led her into the parking lot, a gentle hand on her back. "Can you drive?"

"Of course," Derek nodded, reaching to open her door for her, pressing a kiss to her forehead before she slid in.

"Thank you," she murmured, then fell silent for the rest of the short car ride to the hospital. She gripped his hand tightly as she made her way back into the hospital, and he didn't say a word, knowing that he was going to have to let her deal with this in her own way. Her relationship with Thatcher had been friendly at best, and he really had no idea what she must have been feeling in that moment.

"Lexie," she breathed, suddenly letting go of his hand to move towards her sister.

"Meredith," Lexie gasped, standing on shaky legs to hug her tightly. "Daddy…our daddy's gone."

"It's okay," Meredith whispered, hugging Lexie tightly as she stared at the wall, blinking rapidly.

"How is she?" Mark asked as he appeared next to Derek.

"I'm not sure," Derek said honestly. "I told her and her reaction was…all she said was that she had to take care of Lexie and start planning the funeral."

Mark sighed as he ran a hand over the back of his neck, watching Lexie and Meredith move to sit next to Molly, the three Grey sisters huddling together in a tiny circle. "Lex won't calm down," he said.

"We need to mix them up," Derek sighed. "Mer's hiding all her emotions, and Lexie can't even think straight."

"Shepherd," Bailey's voice came from behind them, and Derek turned to look at her.

"Dr. Bailey," he greeted. "I'm not working…"

"I know that," she rolled her eyes, offering him a piece of paper. "The harvests are complete. I thought they might want a list of the recipients."

"Oh," Derek breathed, looking down at the list of names that meant nothing to him. He had no idea who any of these people were, but he couldn't help but feel connected to them. They were apart of Thatcher, and so was Meredith, and as he stared down at the list, he couldn't help but feel a strange sense of connection to them. "Thank you."

"Derek?" Meredith's voice came from behind him and he turned to see her standing beside him, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"How are you doing?" he asked softly.

"Okay," she said with a nod. "Is it okay if Lexie stays with us for a little while?"

Derek glanced at Mark, whose frown deepened at Meredith's words. "It's fine," he said. "But…she doesn't want to go home?"

"She wants to be near me," Meredith murmured. "Or…we. We want to be near each other."

"Oh," Derek nodded, pulling her close to him. "Okay. Mark and Lex can have the guest room. Chris can sleep in Dan's room."

"That's right," Mark nodded. "Second generation Shepherd and Sloan. We'll get them started earlier."

"Can I go see them?" Meredith whispered into his neck.

"The kids?" Derek asked, wrapping his arm around her waist.

She nodded silently against his shoulder.

"Of course," he said as he turned to look at Mark. "Do you want us to take Chris?"

Mark glanced at Lexie for a moment who was slowly making her way towards them. "We'll go with you," he said as he reached out to her. "Seeing him might make her feel better."

The foursome slowly made their way down the stairs to the daycare, and the moment they stepped inside Dan ran over to them. "Mama!" he cried, lifting his arms up to Meredith. "I payed wit bocks!"

"You played with blocks!" Meredith exclaimed as she pulled him into her arms. "Good job, sweetheart!"

"Daddy." Katie tugged on the pants of his scrubs and he knelt down to pull her into his arms.

"Hi sweetie," he whispered into her hair.

"Why's Aunt Lexie crying?" Katie frowned as he rose, holding her in his arms.

"She's sad, piglet," Derek said, looking at Meredith closely.

"Why?" Katie frowned as she reached for Lexie. "Don't cry, Lexie."

"Thanks Katie," Lexie sighed as Katie wrapped her arms around her neck.

"Should we tell them?" Mark asked as Derek took his giggling baby into his arms, Chris now settled safely in his father's arms.

"They're not going to get it," Derek replied.

"We have to," Meredith said. "The funeral…we have to tell them."

Derek remained silent, knowing that she was right but unsure which one of them would be strong enough to explain death to a group of children under the age of five. "Let's go outside," he murmured.

They walked outside, and Derek inhaled the scent of Carrie's baby shampoo, taking in the familiar smell of his daughter as she remained quiet in his arms. "What's wrong?" Katie asked, frowning at Lexie.

"We have some very sad news," Derek explained softly as they settled on a bench, each of the adults cradling a child in their lap. "Do you remember meeting Mommy's daddy?"

"Tatcher," Katie nodded.

"Candy!" Dan added.

"Yeah, he gave you candy," Derek sighed. "Well…he went to meet my daddy today."

"You have a daddy?" Katie frowned.

Derek sighed. He had no idea how to tell his four year old what death was. "I did," he said, trying to control the emotion surging through his veins in that moment. "He went to heaven when I was younger."

"What's heaven?"

Derek glanced at Mark for help. Apparently there was a benefit to all the Sunday school classes his mother had forced him to go to; when he'd been a child he had at least believed in heaven.

"Heaven is where you go after you're here," Lexie explained to Katie.

"Oh," Katie nodded. "Can we go meet your daddy?"

"No Katie bell," Derek sighed. "You can only come to heaven when you die."

"Oh," Katie's eyes widened. "I don't wanna go to heaven, Daddy."

"You won't, Katie bug," Meredith promised. "Not for a very, very long time."

Katie nodded slowly, a confused expression still taking over her face. Derek sighed as he glanced at Meredith, knowing that there wasn't much else they could do to help Katie understand what they were trying to tell her. "Why don't we go home?" he suggested softly. "Lexie and Mark are going to come stay with us for a little while."

"Why?" Katie frowned.

"Because Mommy and Lexie want to be together right now," Derek said. "So you're going to be a good hostess and make sure they're comfortable, okay?"

"Kay Daddy," Katie nodded as she turned to look at Lexie. "I'm gonna be your hotess, Lexie."

Lexie smiled slightly as she hugged Katie closely. "Thanks Katie," she whispered.

"You can just follow us out there," Derek said to Mark as the group stood.

"We'll see you there," Mark nodded as he and Lexie moved towards their car.

"Bye Daddy!" Katie called from over Lexie's shoulder. It was always a treat for her when she could take a car ride with someone other than her parents. "Bye Mama!"

"Bye Katie," Meredith called back, her voice wavering slightly.

"Mer," he whispered, looking at her closely. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded as she opened the back door and settled Dan into his seat. "Or no, but…I'll be fine. I promise Derek."

"Okay," he nodded, opening the other door and gently strapping Carrie in. "There you go, princess."

Carrie smiled up at him, waving her drool covered fist in the air. "I love you, sweetheart," he smiled softly before he closed the door and slid into the driver's seat. Meredith was already settled in the passenger seat, and after he had maneuvered the car onto the road, he silently reached across the console to take her hand, offering her a comforting squeeze.

The car ride home was quiet, as was the rest of the evening. Derek made spaghetti for the extended group at the dinner table, and then turned on a movie to entertain the kids. Lexie and Meredith huddled close to each other for the most of the night, and Derek couldn't help but be proud of how far Meredith had come in being a big sister. Lexie needed her right now, and she was willing to be there for that.

Now it was late, Mark and Lexie were settled into the downstairs guest bedroom and the kids all sound asleep. Derek was already settled in bed, waiting for Meredith to make her way out of the bathroom.

"Hey," she smiled as she slid into bed beside him, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured as he pulled her into his arms. "How are you?"

"I really am okay," she said. "It's not…I knew him, and we were friendly, but it's not like he was my dad. Lexie…he was Lexie's dad."

"He was your dad too," Derek murmured.

"No," Meredith shook her head. "He stopped being my dad when he walked out on my mom and didn't care enough to take me with him. He was Lexie's dad. He taught her how to ride a bike, helped her with science fair projects, took her on vacation, helped her work to get into college and med school…He hasn't been my dad in thirty five years."

Derek nodded slowly. "Okay," he said. "But I think you're going to fall apart eventually. And when you do…I'll be here."

"Thank you," she murmured as she cuddled into him. "That helps. More than you know."

"Hmmm," Derek nodded in agreement.

They were silent for a moment before Meredith tilted her head to look up at him. "How are you?" she asked softly.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'm glad you're okay, but…worried about Lexie. Wondering how we're going to answer all of Katie's questions. Missing my dad."

"Oh Derek," she whispered, shifting to press her lips against his, her fingers running through his hair. "I'm sorry."

"It was a long time ago," he sighed. "But…my dad was the complete opposite of yours. He was amazing, and when people die, it reminds me of how I felt that night."

"I remember," she said softly. "When George and Izzie…I remember how upset you were then."

"I was worried too," Derek said, looking down at her. "About you. Just like I am now. But we'll make it through this, Mer. I promise."


	92. Chapter 92

"Oh God," Meredith screamed as Derek thrust himself into her, her back arching into his body as she felt the sweet wave of pleasure wash over her. "Derek…yes…oh, yes yes yes!"

"Meredith," he gasped as she felt him empty into her. "Oh God."

"Derek," she gasped, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder. "Thank you…that was amazing."

"It always is," Derek gasped, trailing his hands over her back.

"Hmmm," she sighed as she slid off of the counter, giggling slightly as she took in the mess around them. "We're such hypocrites."

"Why?" Derek laughed as he reached for the paper towels and a bottle of disinfectant.

"Because we always tell our kids not to play with their food," Meredith said. She reached out to take some paper towels from him, scooping up a pile of chocolate sauce. "We definitely just broke that rule."

"Well, this was adult play time," Derek sighed, pulling her close, their messy bodies molding together. "I love that we have an entire weekend together."

"And it's only Friday afternoon," Meredith giggled. "Can we be naked all weekend?"

"I think we can be," Derek nodded. "Thank God for Mark and Lexie."

Meredith smiled as she rested her head against his chest. "I miss alone time," she whispered. "I love our kids to death, but…I miss being alone with you."

"Me too," he smiled as he trailed his hands up and down her spine. "We can be as loud as we want."

"And have sex wherever we want," Meredith smiled.

"Exactly."

"But not now," she smiled as she took his hand and pulled him into the living room. She pushed him down onto the couch and rested herself on top of him, pulling a blanket over their still naked bodies.

"I love you," he whispered into the silence of the room.

"I love you too," she replied, resting her head against his chest and closing her eyes as she allowed the comforting sound of his heartbeat to comfort her.

The past month had been hard. Lexie had been distraught after her father's death, and up until the past few days, Katie had been constantly asking questions about death and heaven and God. Meredith had been so focused on taking care of her sister and trying to give her daughter answers to questions that she herself had that she hadn't been able to really concentrate on herself or what she was feeling. So when Mark and Lexie had offered to take their kids for a weekend as a thank you for helping them get through their grief over Thatcher's death, she and Derek had eagerly accepted, looking forward to a weekend for just the two of them.

"Mer?" he whispered, and she felt his fingers moving through her hair. "Are you okay?"

She was silent for a moment as she traced her finger over the well defined muscles in his chest and stomach. "I think I'm running," she whispered.

"From your dad?" he murmured.

"Yeah," she said. "I was taking care of Lexie and trying to be a good mommy and doctor, and when I wasn't doing any of those things I jumped you."

"I noticed," he laughed slightly. "And as much as I love all the sex, it's okay if you want to stop running now."

Meredith nodded slowly as she sat up, wrapping the blanket around her naked body and staring down at the floor. "I feel bad," she whispered.

"Why?" Derek murmured, sitting up and reaching to rub a hand over her shoulder.

"Because he tried," Meredith whispered. "After Katie was born, he tried to become apart of my life. But I thought he just wanted to know his grandkids. And our kids deserved to know their grandpa, so I let him know them. But I never let him know me."

"He did know you, Mer," Derek said softly. "Maybe you didn't have a real relationship with him. But he knew you because he knew our kids. And each and every one of them has so much of their mother in them."

"Really?" Meredith whispered.

"Really," Derek smiled, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "It makes me love them even more."

"Carrie looks like me," Meredith smiled softly.

"I know she does," Derek agreed. "She's beautiful."

"What else?" Meredith asked, turning to look up at him.

"Katie has your laugh," Derek smiled. "That amazing giggle. I'm so glad that she got your laugh. And she has your determination, the desire not to quit until she gets what she wants."

"She gets that from you too," Meredith said.

"And Dan has your intelligence," Derek continued. "The kid is smart, Mer. He's not even two and a half and he already has a pretty extensive vocabulary. And he already snores."

"Shut up," Meredith rolled her eyes. "I don't snore anymore."

"I'm very glad for that," Derek laughed. "That was your one flaw, and it disappeared after you had Katie."

"You're an idiot," she informed him.

"So I've heard," Derek said, reaching out to stroke her cheek. "Mer?"

"Hmm?"

"It's okay to cry," Derek said softly. "Even if you didn't have a good relationship with him, he was there for you when you were little. It's okay if five year old Meredith wants to cry."

Meredith shook her head slowly. "I don't need to cry," she said. "I already cried for him for years. I kept he was hoping that he would come back, and then one day, I was twelve, I realized that he was never going to come back. And I decided that I was done crying over him."

"I'm sorry, Mer," he whispered. "Sometimes I wish your mom had moved you to New York."

"Right, so six year old me could fall in love with eleven year old you?" she raised her eyebrows. "I think we've agreed that that's creepy."

"I know," Derek sighed. "It's just…my dad would have loved you so much. I hate that he never will get to meet you."

"Me too," Meredith sighed. "Or our kids."

"Or the kids," Derek agreed.

Meredith was silent for a moment before she looked at him closely and asked, "Do you think you would still be you if your dad hadn't died?"

Derek's eyes widened, but just as quickly his face morphed into an expression of careful thought. "I'd like to think so," he finally said. "But honestly….I don't know. I was only ten, and he had always told me how important it was for me to look after my mom and my sisters. When he died that was the only way I thought I could make him proud, and I threw myself into making sure that they were taken care of."

"That must be where your over protectiveness comes from," Meredith said softly.

"I'm not over protective."

"Last week I thought you were going to deck the waiter when he smiled at me because I told him my food was amazing," Meredith pointed out.

"He definitely wasn't smiling at your face," Derek argued.

"Whatever," Meredith sighed. "Does it make me a horrible person if I say that I'm glad your dad dying made you you?"

"No," Derek said, reaching out to rub his hand along her arm. "It's the same way I'm glad your dad leaving made you you."

"You mean with my daddy issues and one night stands and the tendency to run?" Meredith asked.

"You don't have any of those anymore," Derek said.

"I did when we met," Meredith said. "The first two years we knew each other…I was a mess."

"That was my fault," Derek said softly, guilt taking over his face.

"Derek," she shook her head, shifting onto his lap. "That was a long time ago. We're past that now."

"It doesn't mean I'm not always going to regret choosing Addison."

"Hmmm," Meredith said. "Maybe…maybe you choosing Addison made us us."

"What?" Derek frowned.

"It's like how your dad dying was a terrible awful thing," Meredith said. "But you're a stronger man because of it. And you picking Addison instead of me was really stupid, but maybe we're a stronger couple because of it."

Derek smiled as he pressed a kiss to her temple. "I like that," he said softly.

Meredith sighed contentedly for a moment before she stood, pulling Derek with her. "I read something yesterday," she said, pulling him up the stairs and stopping halfway. "Stair sex. It's new for us."

"Stair sex," Derek smiled as he turned her so that she was facing away from him, bracing herself on the stairs in front of her. "I like it."

"Derek," she breathed as she felt his erection pushing between her legs. "Please…" she sighed in pleasure as he reached for her hips, sliding his entire length into her in one smooth motion. She arched her head back as he moved roughly inside of her, allowing him to take her to a place a sweet escape of pleasure where nothing mattered besides the feeling of having him inside of her.

XXXXX

"I think we beat our own record," Meredith breathed two days later as she climbed off of Derek.

"I think so," Derek sighed, his breathing uneven as he leaned back against the cushion on their porch swing. "I think I'm broken."

"You're not broken," Meredith giggled as she looked down at his soft penis. "Just tired. I won't break your penis like Lexie broke Mark's."

"Well, that's much appreciated," Derek sighed. "We should get dressed."

"They'll be home soon," Meredith nodded as she stood, tossing him his jeans and button down before she reached for her own clothes. "It was an amazing weekend."

"Completely amazing," Derek agreed. "We should let Mark and Lexie keep the brats permanently."

"You love those brats," Meredith smiled as she settled beside him again.

"I do," Derek smiled. "But I love sex too."

"Well this weekend should keep you satisfied for a long time," Meredith rested her head against his shoulder.

"Hmmm," Derek agreed. They were silent for a long moment, watching the sun set over the cliff as Derek gently moved the swing with his foot, basking in the calmness of the situation.

All too soon, however, Mark and Lexie's car appeared in the driveway at the exact moment that the phone rang from the kitchen. "I'll get the phone," Derek said as he moved into the house.

"Mama!" Katie cried as she jumped out of the car.

"Katherine Isobel Shepherd!" Mark boomed as he got out of the driver's side. "What did I tell you about unbuckling your car seat?"

"I big girl," Katie argued.

"That doesn't mean that you can just unbuckle yourself," Mark replied.

"Hi Mer," Lexie said as she followed Meredith to the back door to unbuckle Carrie as Meredith reached for Dan. "In case you haven't already figured it out, Katie now knows how to get out of her car seat."

"Great," Meredith sighed as she pulled Dan into her arms. "That's the last thing we need, isn't it, sweetheart?"

"Hi Mama!" Dan cried.

"I think Carrie needs a diaper change," Lexie sighed as she unbuckled Chris with one hand.

"I'll get her," Meredith nodded, her eyes on her husband as he appeared on the porch, an exasperated expression on his face as he held the phone up to his ear.

"No, Mom, she can't," he said. "She just started a new job, she can't get two weeks off for Christmas…Doctors in private practices need to be on call on Christmas too…I'm not leaving her alone, I can't believe that you would even suggest that."

"You're not going to New York for Christmas?" Lexie asked as she watched Mark carry a screaming Katie into the house, ignoring her kicks and the pounding of her fists against his chest.

"I'm on call the night before Christmas eve," Meredith sighed. "Derek is the night after. I guess Carolyn's really upset. But we're happy to have a Christmas here for once."

"We'll miss you," Lexie said as she followed Meredith into the living room, watching Dan and Chris run into the play room after Lucky.

"Life of a doctor," Meredith shrugged as she snapped a new diaper on Carrie. "There you go, princess."

Carrie smiled as she reached up to smack Meredith's nose. "No, it's not my nose we don't like, it's Daddy's," Meredith reminded her.

"Well, Mom's officially not speaking to us," Derek announced as he walked into the living room, reaching for Carrie. "You still love me, right sweetie?"

"Your daughter is more stubborn than both of you combined," Mark appeared behind Derek. "I tried to put her in time out in her bed for unbuckling her seatbelt, and she sat down on the floor and refused to get up."

"I'll go talk to her," Meredith sighed.

"Mommy!" Chris cried, running to Lexie. "Dan had accident!"

"I'm sure you missed this over the weekend," Lexie said to Meredith over Chris's head.

"Right," Meredith rolled her eyes, suddenly feeling overwhelmed.

"Mer?" Derek's voice broke into her thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"I…yeah," she shook her head. "Can you take care of Katie while I clean Dan up?"

"Are you sure you're okay?" he frowned. "You look a little pale."

"I don't…." Meredith shook her head again and closed her eyes for a moment, willing the room to stop spinning. "Yeah. I'm going to go take care of Dan."

"Okay," Derek said carefully as he handed Carrie over to Mark. "I'll be right back."

Meredith followed him out of the living room, leaning against the wall once he had disappeared up the stairs. She wasn't exactly sure why she was feeling completely panicked all of a sudden. She had three kids, she was used to handling temper tantrums and messes at the same time, she could usually do it in her sleep when Derek wasn't even home. But now for some reason it was taking all of her energy to push her body off of the wall to go clean up her son.

"Mama?" Dan's meek voice came from in front of her, and she plastered a smile on her face as she knelt down in front of him.

"Hi sweetie," she said softly.

"I forgot potty," Dan whimpered.

"It's okay, buddy," she said as she reached down to unbutton his jeans. "We'll just… we'll get you cleaned up and then you'll be fine."

"I sorry, Mama," Dan said, tears filling his eyes.

"It's okay, you don't have to be sorry, bud," she said, hoping that using Derek's nick name for him would calm his tears.

Dan continued to whimper as she slowly tried to take his pants off, trying to stop the room from spinning at the same time. "Mama?" Dan asked as she leaned back for a moment, closing her eyes again.

"It's okay, Danny boy," she offered him a smile, reaching out to rub her hand over his shoulder, not letting go as she gripped onto him for balance.

"Mommy!" Dan cried, and she could hear the fear in his voice. She didn't have the energy to comfort him, however as she felt herself sinking onto the floor. "Daddy! Mommy fall!"

Meredith could hear Derek thundering down the stairs, mixed in with Mark and Lexie running into the hallway to ask what was going on.

"Mama!" Dan cried, and Lexie's voice disappeared as she whispered words of comfort to him.

"What happened?" Derek asked, and she could feel him kneeling over her. "Mer? Can you hear me?"

She opened her mouth to answer him, but couldn't vocalize what was going on. "Room…spinning," she breathed. "Can't see."

"Her heart's racing," Derek said. "I think she's having a panic attack."

"Bring her upstairs," Mark said. "I'll go get some water."

Meredith could feel Derek wrapping her arms around her, and suddenly the floor wasn't beneath her anymore.

"It's okay, Mer," he murmured. "We'll get you into bed and have some rest, and then you'll be good as new."

"Derek," she whimpered. "I can't…"

"It's okay," he murmured. "You're going to be fine."

She felt the bed beneath her a moment later, and the room started to spin less as she felt Derek's hands on her forehead, feeling for a temperature. "There you are," he murmured. "What was that, Mer?"

"I…I don't know," she swallowed hard. "I just…everything was happening all at once, and we're always busy because our kids are busy, but I think…I think I miss him. And things went completely crazy, and I just can't handle it anymore, Derek, I can't."

"Oh Mer," Derek sighed, pulling her into his arms as she reached for him, tears beginning to fall from her face. "It's okay. I'm here, just let it out. It's okay." He held her as she cried quietly, grateful for the man in her life and mourning the loss of the man who had abandoned her years ago.


	93. Chapter 93

Meredith parked her car, staring out the windshield for a long moment as she squinted into the sunlight. She knew she had to do this, but she wasn't sure how she was supposed to do it. Things had gotten completely crazy lately, and though Derek had been incredibly helpful in making sure she made it through the grief of losing her father, she knew this was what she had to do to get closure.

With a deep breath, she grabbed her bag and slowly made her way through the grass, coming to a stop in front of a patch of still overturned dirt. She stared down at the gravestone for a moment before she knelt to the ground, gently running her fingers over the grass.

"Hi Daddy," she whispered. "I…I'm sorry it took me so long to come. I thought I was okay, I really did. And then about a week ago…I don't know what it was, but I just felt completely overwhelmed, and I realized that I really did miss you. So I came to say good bye.

"Katie's almost five," she continued softly. "The age I was when you left. And I can't say that it's okay, because you leaving caused me to have a horrible childhood. I look at Katie and see how much Derek loves her, I can't imagine ever wanting to leave her, or Derek ever walking away from our family. But I think you should know that I forgive you. Things were never right between us, we never had the relationship that a dad and a daughter should, but…I forgive you. I'm sorry I never got a chance to say that to your face, but wherever you are, I hope you know that I forgive you. And…as much as I can love you after what you did, I do."

She reached into her bag, smiling down at the picture of her kids, giggling together as they cuddled under a blanket on the couch. "You should have this," she said softly, resting the picture against the gravestone. "And Katie made you a drawing. It's supposedly you with her Grandpa Shepherd in heaven, so if you see Derek's dad, tell him that we're all doing fine, and that Derek's happy."

She took a deep breath before she continued. "I'm happy. I can't really say that you have anything to do with that, but I'm so incredibly happy. So…I'm okay. And so is Lexie. We're doing really well, and I think this is it. The happily ever after or whatever. So…goodbye. I came to tell you that I forgive you and to say good bye, so…this is it. I hope you're happy wherever you are now. And don't worry about Lexie, Mark and I are taking care of her. We're happy, Dad, so you don't have to worry about us. We're all good."

She swallowed hard as she looked down at the words on the tombstone for a moment. When she was ready, she stood and moved her way further into the cemetery, dropping her bag on the ground and settling down beside it. "Hey guys," she said, looking at George and Izzie's side by side gravestones. "Sorry I haven't been by in awhile. I've been having a little trouble getting over my dad dying, but I think I'm better now. I still miss you both though, every single day."

"Derek and I are really happy," she said. "The kids are amazing, and I make sure they know all about both of you. You may not be here for them to meet, but you're still Uncle George and Aunt Izzie. They know you, I made sure of that. Katie even has a picture of you guys on her dresser."

"Everyone else is doing really well," Meredith continued. "I just finished my application to be an attending, which means I'm going to have full partnership in the practice. Alex and Addison are engaged, which I'm sure he told you. He still loves you so much, Iz, but I'm glad that he's moving on. Addison's good for him, keeps him in line. Christina and Owen pretty much rule the hospital, which we could probably have predicted the moment they met. And Bailey…well, she's Bailey. We all miss you, but we're happy. And we'll never forget you."

"I hope you're keeping each other company," she smiled softly. "You probably get a lot of amusement out of some of the stuff that happens, especially some of the things that come out of my kids' mouths. They're amazing, but they're turning into little devils. I'm blaming Derek for that fact."

She smiled as she reached into her bag and placed a few pictures between the stones. "These are of the kids," she said. "And I brought you some tequila too. I don't know if heaven allows it, so I figured I'd get you as close as I could. I don't really drink much anymore, but…well, I'll always love tequila."

She was silent for a moment as she dumped the tequila over their graves, watching it absorb into the grass. "I have to go," she said. "Sorry I can't stay longer, but we're baking cookies this afternoon. And by we, I mean that Derek's baking them and Katie and Dan and I are decorating them. I still can't cook for all it's worth, so I'd really appreciate your help in that aspect of my life, Iz."

"I love you guys," she said softly. "I say that a lot now. You'd probably be surprised, but…I miss you. I'll come back and visit soon, hopefully with the kids. And Merry Christmas."

She wiped a tear from her eye as she stood, slowly making her way out of the cemetery, back towards her car that would take her away from her past, towards her future where her husband and children were waiting for her.

The drive was quick, and when she opened the front door to her house she saw Katie running towards her. "Mama!" Katie shouted.

"Hi sweetheart!" Meredith offered her a wide smile, pulling her into her arms and spinning her in a gentle circle. "How are you?"

"I draw Santa!" Katie cried.

"You did?" Meredith gasped. "Why don't you go get your picture to show me."

"Kay," Katie scrambled out of her arms and Meredith smiled as she moved closer to Derek who had stepped out of the kitchen.

"Hi," she whispered as she pressed her lips to his, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hi," he returned her greeting. "How are you?"

"Amazing," Meredith smiled genuinely. "Where are the other two?"

"Napping," Derek said proudly.

"At the same time?" Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Wow, that's impressive."

"Hmm," Derek smiled. "Katie's going to crash soon."

"Is she?" Meredith giggled. "We can definitely have our own nap time then."

"Except there won't be any napping involved," Derek said hoarsely, rubbing his erection against her hips.

"Derek," she breathed, stopping when she heard a cry come from the nursery. "So much for nap time."

"So close," Derek sighed, pulling away from her.

"Tonight," she promised with a giggle as she bounced up the stairs.

She wasn't sure why she felt so free all of a sudden, but it was good. She was a little upset that they weren't going to be able to go to New York for Christmas, but she was still excited. It was Carrie's first one, and she now felt a large weight lifted off of her shoulders since she had returned from the cemetery.

"Hi princess," she smiled as she pulled Carrie into her arms. "Are you done with your nap?"

"Mmamamamamama," Carrie babbled softly.

"Good job, sweetie," Meredith smiled. "You're getting to be such a big girl, talking already."

"mamamamamamama."

"Why is it that they all said Mommy before Daddy?" Derek asked from the doorway, a sleepy Dan in his arms.

Meredith smiled as she tickled Carrie's tummy. "She's not actually saying my name," she said.

"Right," Derek sighed. "Shall we go see what kind of trouble your daughter has gotten herself into?"

"Yeah," Meredith sighed as she followed him down the stairs.

"Mama look!" Katie cried from the living room. "Lucky candy!"

"Katherine Isobel," Derek sighed, looking at their frosting cover dog who looked a combination between miserable and confused as he tried to get the sticky treat out of his fur. "What did you do?"

"I made Lucky into candy," she announced proudly.

"So your daughter," Derek muttered under his breath.

Meredith giggled as she reached for Katie. "You know you're not supposed to get anything out of the kitchen without us," she said gently. "And Lucky can't eat people food."

"Sorry Mama," Katie said, looking down at her feet.

"It's okay," Meredith said. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

"Okay," Katie nodded, biting her lower lip. "Can we watch Ariel?"

"You want to watch Ariel again?" Meredith asked as she moved to the TV.

"Not me," Katie shook her head. "Carrie."

"Mamamamamamama," Carrie nodded in agreement.

"Well, that certainly is some convincing arguments there," Meredith smiled, settling Carrie in the playpen as Dan and Katie climbed onto the couch. "Can you two stay here while Daddy and I go give Lucky a bath?"

"Yeah," Katie answered automatically, her eyes already transfixed on the screen as Ariel's red hair flashed.

"Katie," Meredith said firmly. "Look at me."

"Mama," Katie whined, turning reluctantly to look at her mother.

"Come get us if something's wrong," Meredith said. "We'll be in the bathroom down here."

"Okay Mama," Katie nodded.

Meredith giggled as she followed Derek out of the living room, a miserable Lucky trailing between them with his tail between his legs. "We're going to be kept busy for the next twenty years," she observed.

"I know," Derek said, helping Lucky hop into the bathroom and offering her a wide smile. "I love it."

XXXXX

Meredith smiled softly as she leaned down to press her lips against Katie's forehead, pulling the covers over her sleeping daughter before she quietly left the room, closing the door behind her. She quickly peeked in on both Dan and Carrie before she walked back into her bedroom, grinning when she saw her husband settled under the covers, completely naked.

"Hi," she giggled as she closed the door, stripping her close off as she moved towards the bed. "You're…"

"Naked and waiting for you," he smirked, echoing his words from years ago, right after they had figured things out and really decided to be happy together.

"I like," she smiled as she settled her now naked body on top of his.

"Hmmm," he smiled as he leaned up to kiss her, his hand moving lazily up and down her arm. "Are you sure you're okay?" he murmured as they pulled back.

"Positive," she nodded, settling back on his thighs so that their eyes were met. "I know I've been a mess lately, Derek, but I feel a million times better since I got home."

"Good," Derek said, his fingers moving to play with her hair.

"I went to see George and Izzie," she whispered.

"I figured you would," he said. "How was it?"

"I…it was good," she nodded. "And I was thinking on the way home."

"About what?"

"Katie," Meredith whispered. "She…we conceived her that night. George and Izzie hadn't been dead for six hours when we made her."

"I remember," Derek murmured. "Do you feel guilty about that?"

"I did," Meredith whispered. "When we first found out I was pregnant I felt so guilty that I could have conceived a baby on the day that my best friends died. But then she was born, and I love her so much. I never thought I could love anyone as much as I love those kids."

"I know," Derek smiled. "Me too."

"But as much as I loved her…I always felt a little bad. Like they died and I just wanted to have sex and be with my husband…I thought it made me selfish."

"It didn't," Derek shook his head. "I needed to be with you that night too."

Meredith nodded slowly. "My point," she whispered. "Is that I think they sent her."

Derek smiled softly. "That's a nice thought," he murmured.

"I think so too," she said. "And I think they're watching out for her. And Carrie and Dan too."

"You should have put a word in for them to stop letting her cover our dog in chocolate frosting," Derek rolled his eyes.

"You have to admit that was kind of cute," Meredith giggled.

"It was messy," Derek argued.

"She's four," Meredith shrugged. "Maybe when she grows up she'll be a neat freak like you."

"I'm not a neat freak," Derek rolled his eyes.

"You totally are," she smiled as she leaned forward to capture his lips with hers. "Derek?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm really really happy."

"I'm glad," he said. "Me too."

"I guess I'm in a corny mood or something, but I really never thought I would be this girl. The wife and the mom and be completely happy with it."

"But you are."

"And I completely love it," she smiled. "I'm so glad that we got married on a post it."

Derek smiled softly as he ran his fingers through her hair. "Me too," he murmured.

"I love you, Derek Shepherd."

"I love you too, Meredith Shepherd."

**Okay, I know this is sudden, and I really wasn't sure when to end this story. But to be honest, I just ran out of steam, and probably should have ended this story a long time ago. So...they're going to live happily ever after, or as much as you can in the real world. I hope you all enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to seeing you all in my next fic. I love you guys so much for all of your support! Thanks for reading :)**


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